Joel Silverstone argues that self-disclosure is the first step in difficult conversations. Share your uncertainty and biases openly to build trust, then listen actively. Starting imperfectly with someone nearby matters more than waiting for the right words.
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You're listening to TFR. This feels right. Welcome to TFR. This feels right. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone. And for over 20 years, I've been helping people in business and sometimes in life to be more influential for the good using their communication skills. And what that means is they're able to connect to the logic and speak to the emotions of the other person so they say, yeah, this feels right. Well, today's show, I want to talk about the beginnings of a difficult conversation. Specifically, what is going on in our lives in the world right now is pivotal with Black Lives Matter. This is a huge moment to really be better people and to help the world be a better place for the generations to come and for immediate, for something that has been long overlooked. Now, for most of us, it's a challenge to start a difficult conversation. We don't know where to start and we are— all kinds of things are rattling around in our brain and we're holding ourselves back. Our self-talk goes into overdrive. And so recently, I was speaking with some fellow coaches and I was sharing just that and going, look, look, I'm at a loss. I want to talk about Black Lives Matter. I want to be supportive. I want to help this movement go forward and be a part of the change and help the change happen. I just don't know where to begin or how to approach this. And that was the aha. The aha is self-disclosure. Now, self-disclosure means exactly that. That you are sharing something that is important to you that you might be You might not have intended to say it. So, to be intentional about what you are saying because it's basically what it is you are thinking. And if you want to create change, you need to be able to say what you are thinking. So, A, self-disclosure is going to also create reciprocity in people. So, if you're able to start off by going, look, I'm at a loss. I don't know. I don't think I have the facts. I don't even know. Maybe I have unconscious biases. The person hearing that is going to feel reciprocity, which means they are going to want to help. You're asking for help. You're asking for guidance. So that creates trust. And when there is trust, you're able to actually have that conversation. You are actually able to have that dialogue. And vulnerability, as Brené Brown says, is actually about courage. And it's the courage to actually want to be vulnerable. And for a lot of us, we don't realize that that's where we can begin with the difficult conversation. We're fighting somehow to be the expert sometimes. Or we're fighting to look smart. Or we're fighting for our pride or for our ego. And all those things get in our way to be able to actually say, I don't know. This is important to me, but I don't know. So self-disclosure when you want to begin that difficult conversation. And with Black Lives Matter right now, this is a difficult conversation that is long overlooked and needed. So I strongly suggest that you speak with your colleagues, with your friends, with your family members, with your community, with your neighbors, and start having these conversations. Because listening is important without a doubt. We really got to listen to be present and not be thinking about the past or any assumptions. The next part of communication is to be able to say what we are thinking. And if it's not— if the thoughts are not clear, then that's what we're saying. Our thoughts are not all laid out. So don't worry about getting it perfect. Don't worry about getting it right. Worry more about taking those first steps towards movement. Thank you so much for listening. This has been This Feels Right. We will see you next week. And if you have any questions, or thoughts, or comments, I look forward to reading them on LinkedIn. Connect with me there or reach out to me at joelsilverstone.com. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening. And if this felt right and you would like to see this interview, then come on over to our YouTube page at youtube.com/thisfeelsrightpodcast or join the conversation with our Facebook group at facebook.com/thisfeelsrightpodcast. Or if you just want more influencing tips and communication skills, then please connect with me on LinkedIn, Joel Silverstone, or come on over to Silverstone Communications at www.joelsilverstone.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Thank you.
