Soft Stuff is the Hard Stuff for 2020...and beyond - Feels Right!

Have you ever wanted to influence others to shift their behaviors, ideas, or actions without playing power trip games?

If so, listen for the next hour.

Welcome to TFR, This Feels Right, with your host, Joel Silverstone. You'll learn the tools and concepts to influence others with everyone involved maintaining their respect and understanding so it doesn't seem like it's all one way.

Now, here is Joel Silverstone.

Welcome to TFR, This Feels Right. And before we jump in, let's say hi to our first guest, Phil Sterlin. Phil, how are you feeling today?

I'm feeling well, Joel. I've had my coffee. It's early here in Santa Barbara, but all is good. It's a beautiful day.

I appreciate that. Well, welcome to the show. And I'm your host, Joel Silverstone. And for over 20 years, I've been helping people in business and sometimes in life to be more influential by using their communication skills and their mindset. So what that means is that they are speaking to the emotions and the logic to get others engaged. And our show is focused on the emotions because that is our first reaction. That's our gut instinct. It's that point where we ask ourselves, does this feel right? Well, listeners, you are in the right place if you want to learn from leaders and coaches and speakers who are going to be sharing their examples and perspectives about how they've been able to influence and shift behaviors, ideas, and actions and not be manipulative. Today's show is great. We've got a terrific guest and today's show is going to be called Soft Stuff Is the Hard Stuff. So if we want to differentiate ourselves, to engage and connect, it's going to be about how we show up and how we communicate. Our first guest, our featured guest actually today is Phil Sterland. Phil is the CEO of The Summit Group. He's a keynote speaker. He's the co-author of Relevance Matters More. He's also the co-founder of the Journal of Sales Transformation. He's a TEDx speaker and a thought leader, coach, consultant, and mentor to so many of the world's premier sales consulting firms. Phil, is this correct? Is this what you've been up to lately?

It's kind of what I've been up to, but more importantly, be careful of the word expert because I like to say I'm more deeply confused about more important things. Let's put it that way. That's my mission statement in life. So how's that for a start, Joel?

Yeah, yeah. No, that's— I think we're all there. And again, that just describes such a great trait about leadership, which is not to say that we're the expert, as leaders, we continue to be curious. And I think that's such an important part of our show. So let's jump in if you're ready, Phil.

Ready to roll.

OK. So soft stuff is the hard stuff. I didn't come up with this. This is your quote. And is that quote correct?

Yeah, I'm just trying to frame up kind of the next idea that I'm wrestling with. And I meant that seriously when I said that. My mission statement in life is to be more deeply confused about more important things, is to wrestle with the big stuff. Worry less about being right, but worry more about being confused and wrestling with the big stuff of life. And what I've seen is kind of two things. One, I've been very involved with some companies around artificial intelligence and some of the new technologies. So number one, what I'm seeing is the machines are going to outlearn us, and they already are. So suddenly, intelligence is rising, but there seems to be a demise of wisdom. And also, I'm just concerned about some of the dehumanization in society. So what I'm going to— what I'm saying is, ultimately, what will distinguish us from the bots, if you will, is our humanness and our empathy. We can code anything, but you can't code empathy. So that's number one. Number two, as you mentioned, I co-wrote a book on relevance, and what drove, what drove that is as simple as this simple truth, and that is that I believe we're on the planet to serve other people. But you can't serve and impact other people if they won't listen to you. So the point of life is to matter as much as we can, as long as we can, in all ways that we can. Why? So we can impact other people. But what I want to talk about today is how—

Mm-hmm.

delving into relevance and also this new world of AI and how we need to distinguish ourselves leads me into this new idea of what I call identity capital, which is how you and I show up to others.

Yeah.

It's a simple truth. If you think about, Joel, at the end of our life when we leave the planet, in essence, instead of the carbon footprint, we'll call it the spiritual footprint that you and I leave is the effect that we've had on other people. It's really that simple. What effect have we had on others? So what I'm interested now is kind of unpacking what is that that allows us to deeply impact others. And it seems like there's 4 dynamics that we can maybe chat about, if that makes sense to you.

Yeah, for sure. Okay, I'm listening. Go ahead.

Here's the metaphor. we'll use to kind of frame the thought, if you will.

Mm-hmm.

We all have a credit score, you know, and a credit score is really about our creditworthiness, if you will, financially. What if we all had metaphorically a credit score for our soul, if that— for lack of a better term— which would be more of a measure of our trustworthiness? And You know, people always say, well, what's a soul? And I always like to quote C.S. Lewis, who had a wonderful definition when he said, we don't have a soul, we are a soul. We have a body. And I think that's, that's a good way to start, is that we, we, we have a soul that's going to remain and it's going to impact other people. So how do we curate that through our life so we can again be more impactful, and again, serve other people. Because what I'm finding is that there's— there's— as I, as I travel a lot, as you know, and I love to travel.

Yeah.

And one of the things I'm seeing out there is there's, there's a crisis of meaning. I see a lot of people that are just looking for meaning in their life. There's so much information, there's so much busyness, but people are really searching for meaning. And I think a big part of meaning is to serve others and impact others. Um, and, and so let's unpack this because I'm a big believer in design thinking, to take abstract principles and break them down into bite-sized pieces. And so we'll do that with, with design thinking. So as we look at this, this, shall we call it this credit score for your soul, Mm-hmm. There seems to be 4 drivers to it, and the first one is character. And that's really— if you think of 4 concentric rings, that's kind of how I will articulate this model. So the center of it is your character. And I think the best way to unpack this is a dear friend of mine, Dr. Fred Kiel out of Minneapolis, wrote a beautiful book called Return on Character, and he was highlighted I think it was the last year in Harvard Business Review. But what he did is he studied for over 9 years leaders in business and in life and stratified that there were 4 what he called character habits that distinguished people who had high influence. Now here's, here's what mattered. These 4 character habits produce between 17 to 20% higher returns financially in their business life. What he did is codified what I think we've all intuitively known, that being a good person makes you successful, but he validated this with research. Let me cut to the chase, and here's the core 4. The 4 character habits, 2 are of the head. The first is integrity. As I like to define that, do what you say you will do when you say you will do it. Mm-hmm. Responsibility. Now I'm going to unpack that in two ways. Responsibility, number one, is taking on responsibility. I would call it the Jordan Peterson definition, where he talks about take on as much responsibility that you can in your life, and in shouldering that burden, that's where you're going to find meaning. All right, so it's taking on as much as you can given the resources that you've been given. The second version of Responsibility is response-ability, which is your ability to respond to what you don't know, because the world is full of uncertainty. And our key is now, how do we respond to all of the uncertainty and ambiguity that's coming at us? So the 2 of the head are integrity, responsibility. The 2 of the heart are forgiveness and compassion. Now, forgiveness is not just forgiving others, but more importantly, forgiving yourself, because one of the most toxic emotions is regret, which is unforgiveness of self. And what's interesting though is the 4th dynamic, compassion, was the one that he found had the highest financial returns. In business, what he found is if you treat another person as a real person, as opposed to just a job title or a business card, You unlock a reservoir of energy. What he said is people generally bring about 2/3 of their energy to work. But when treated like a real human being, it unlocks that third third, if that makes sense.

It does.

And I think let's pause on that one, Phil, because that nails exactly how you started, which is you're in this world, and you're seeing a lot of clients, and AI is taking over. And what you're seeing, what we need as a skill is exactly this, is to connect with To actually be present and look at the other person as a real person. As you call it, it's compassion. I would say, beat by beat, it's about being really, really present, which is what— to differentiate ourselves from the robots, how we show up is going to be with our intention. As you say, if our intention is going to be about— my intention here is to be of service, and I like this about the character, as we just unpacked That was one of the 4 dimensions, right? So character— we haven't gotten to the other 3 yet, but character is about our integrity, our responsibility, our ability to forgive ourselves, and that compassion. When we have all those traits in place, what I like about that is it's giving a definition to character because, as you said, it's giving some design to what is something of an abstract thought.

Right.

Let me ask you this. Let's go to the next one. We've got character here. I think the headline from character really is about if we want to connect with others, it is about forgiving ourselves. It is about showing up with compassion and treating the other person with humanity. That falls into our integrity and as well taking ownership or responsibility. That's character. So, let's go to the second dimension of the second one.

The second is competence. It's your ability to get stuff done. You and I both know people that are of high character, really nice people, but sometimes they can't get stuff done.

Yeah.

We have to produce things. It's not what we think. It's what we do in life. So, here, what I'm saying is there appear to be what I call 4 acumen for the future, 4 areas, 4 domains, if you will, of competence.

Okay.

IQ, AQ, EQ, and TQ. Now, IQ is just your— it's your set point of intelligence, right, that we're born with. And it's important because you have to, you know, you have to have that. AQ is what we just talked about, is, is now, as I like to say, AQ is as important as IQ. It's the interpersonal skills. Again, it's back to that empathy. And as you know, the ethos of our company is teach people AQ which is to be interested, not interesting, to be interested actually in other people. That's the great distinguisher. AQ is what I call acquisition quotient, which is how is it that you acquire new knowledge? It's so important that we— it's not just what we learn, it's more important to understand how we learn, because there's going to be so many new things we need to learn, and we all learn differently. So, it's very important that you have an intimate relationship with how you learn the next thing. And, I call that AQ. And then finally is TQ. It's just your understanding of technology both at a macro level, but how to use technology in your life to handle what I call the low-value functions so you can repurpose your time for the high-value human functions. And, part of this is also Knowing how to manage social media so it doesn't consume your life. When competence, I think it's 4 acumen— IQ, AQ, EQ, TQ. Is that helpful?

Yeah. The 4 Qs. The 4 Qs. The 4 Qs, yeah. Well, you know what? When we think competence, what I like about this is that most people would think it's the first one and the last one. It's our intelligence and our ability to use technology. It's the Right. Then we've got the middle part, the theme for the show, soft stuff is the hard stuff. The competency is, it's important to have the logic. It's important on how to use data, how to use technology, but it's how we are going to come across and how we're going to be able to use our emotional, our EQ skills to be, as you said, interested, to be curious, To be empathetic, to be self-aware, and how we learn. And so if already listeners listening to the show have already taken that step, they want to— they're listening to the show because they want to learn from people like you, Phil, and they want to get better at how they can influence others without being manipulative. So I like these 4 Qs of competency. That's a really good definition. I'm putting that up on my— I'm going to make a poster of that one. I'm keeping that.

Now the 3rd domain, as we expand our concentric rings, is your communication skills. And, and let's just make this very simple. There seems to be 3 distinguishers here. One is to be what I call the great listener. And, and, and here's the coaching. It sounds so simple. To listen without solving, especially in business and professional selling, which is of course what we do, is the ability to listen Without trying to solve, not be what I call a solveaholic. Why? Because it is neurologically impossible to listen if you're trying to solve. As often my wife says, just listen to me, don't try to fix me. Number 2 is to be the great reductionist. In today's world of complexity, people are really attracted to people that can make the complex clear, not simplistic, but make it simple.

Yeah.

Bring clarity to complexity. And third, is to be what I call the great explainer, to take complex concepts and wrap them in coherent and compelling stories. Stories change people. You can do more in a 5-minute story than a 5-inch, you know, thick white paper. So to be the great explainer, and part of that is being concise. Get to the point. It was interesting in, uh, in Israel, I learned that in the Old Testament, in the Torah, It's been said that to waste another person's time is a form of moral theft. And so what we're finding in business as we do research with customers is they're saying, you know what, a lot of salespeople are moral thieves. They're coming in here, waste— they're wasting my time because they're not being relevant to what I care about. So communication, listening, reductionism, being a great explainer.

Well, I, I— and this quote from the Torah, I'm going to put that on a business card. So I'm going to take that now to parties and I'm at a networking event, so someone's been talking my ear off. I'm going to go, here you go. To waste time is moral theft.

That is.

It's true. So I have a question about the communication skills because I'm with you all the way on this. I agree all the way. Great listeners without solving. Keep it simple, but obviously coherent and make it compelling. An anecdote obviously goes— or a story goes a long way more so than A white paper. In fact, when you said that, it just reminded me of that example that Simon Sinek, who of course does the Why book, gives a great example in his TED Talk when he says that Martin Luther King says, I have a dream, as opposed to, I have a 12-point plan.

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. If you said, I have a project, we wouldn't have remembered it, right?

No.

No.

Yeah. Yeah. Words matter deeply. Words matter deeply.

Well, the stories spark imagination, and so that's what's going to fuel us versus— it gets us thinking. It gets us engaged. Here's the question that I'm curious. In sales, you deal so much with sales, Phil. What I see a lot is people always say, we'll talk about communication skills in sales. It's so important. Then the salesperson will always say, yeah, but they just want to know. They're not interested in stories. or examples. They just want to know how much this is going to cost. So how do you change that mindset of the salesperson who thinks they really have to talk about their product and they really have to— because the client just wants to know about the product and they want to know how much this is going to cost?

Tell them a story about what's working somewhere else. It's just that simple. People always say, well, if I come into a customer and I can just tell that They're, they're not doing well. How do I tell them that? You know, metaphorically, how do I tell them that their baby's ugly? And my answer is show them a prettier baby. Okay, so show them here's what's going on somewhere else, and here's what's working. Because here's one of the things we know about people, they're, they're really interested about what's working somewhere else.

Mm-hmm.

And, and so tell them a story. that relates to what they're, what they're struggling with, if you will, of who's dealt with that in another place, what's worked, and just as importantly, what hasn't. But yet, let's also be clear, there's some that don't care, and it is going to be just about price.

Yeah.

And then you need to have the wisdom to say, well, I don't need maybe to invest as much time with that person. That's called, you know, discernment. So, you know, you can't change everybody. But the key is people resonate when they hear what's working somewhere else.

Which really just proves— you're talking about technology, which just proves why social media is doing so well. We can't help but want to know what's going on and maybe find something that we could relate to, whether it be on Facebook or Instagram, and just find what's working for them. And we want to relate in a way. I think that's a great example from a business perspective and go, well, here's what's going on in this world. Maybe this will sound familiar to your world. This is what's working with them, and this is what they find is challenging. I think that creates conversation, which is really what you want to get to when you're doing a sales conversation, is get them engaged.

Engaged.

Yeah.

The wireframe to tell a story is simply 3 bullets: what, so what, now what? What were they dealing with? So what'd they do? Now what does that mean to you? So keep it tight, clean, structured.

Beautiful.

Let's go, let's go to the 4th dimension.

The 4th one to me is the most important. So we, you know, we've talked about these concentric rings then, you know, character, competence, communication skills. But the 4th is what I call what are your convictions? What is it that you're really In other words, what's your belief structures? And I think there's maybe 3 to 4 key convictions that matter most in our life. It's fun to get older every year because, A, I've made more mistakes, and B, I understand life backwards. And now I realize that what's really important is to be convicted to things. And the first is— these aren't in order of priority necessarily, but first is, what's your life's work? vocation. You know, my dear friend John Bousacker has written a number of books on this, and I love his metaphor when he says some of our early jobs in life are just hard work. Then finally we find our right work. But the key is to find your life's work. Now, I've been blessed to find my life's work, so it's not work. In fact, I'm disappointed it's Friday. I can't wait till Monday, and I mean that sincerely. So the— but the key is to find that work that is Exactly the intersection of where your gifts meet what the world needs. The second conviction is to a relationship and marriage, to be deeply committed to another person for life. I'm, I'm blessed to— my wife and I are celebrating 40 years of marriage.

Mm, mazel tov.

And you think?

Yeah, mazel tov.

And, uh, without her I can't. And, uh, yeah. David Brooks has a wonderful definition of true love and true marriage, which is, he said, true love is what remains after being in love is burned away. So it's really the fact that we've become best friends in life. We're codependent on each other. So it's important to have deep and unshakable relationships in a marriage. Third is to develop a coherent worldview. In other words, what do you believe in? You know, we'll talk about faith. I don't mean that in religious context, but I mean, what are the things you believe in? And I've found that there's 3 questions that we all need to deal with in life. Number one is— and the 3 questions are origin, meaning, and destiny.

Okay.

Origin is, where did we come from? How did we get here? Did we come from something or nothing? I don't know, but we all need to wrestle with that. Number 2 is meaning. Why am I here? Am I here for a purpose on this planet, or am I just here for a while?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, we all need to figure out why are we here. And 3rd is destiny. After we leave this planet, where are we going? And the answer is very simple: we're either going somewhere or nowhere. But we all need to weigh in. And you can say, well, why don't I just live a good life and those questions will reveal themselves? Well, of course they will. But how you think about those questions now defines how you live your life now. If you don't believe your life has meaning and you're going nowhere, you're going to live your life entirely differently than if you believe that you're driven for— you're being here for a purpose. and that you are going somewhere. So, it's not about knowing if we're right. It's about addressing the questions now because it frames how you look at the world and how you live your life. And then finally, I'll end with the 4th conviction, which is kind of the topic I'm going to be delving into next, which is wisdom.

Hmm.

And this goes back to really where we started. With the rise of intelligence, And now the rise of artificial intelligence, what I'm seeing is the demise of true wisdom. So the question is, how do you and I and all of us really develop wisdom in our life? And we'll maybe save this for another day, but I believe it has to do with reflection. I believe it has to do with the relationships and the people you surround yourself with. And I also believe it has to do with what you read. It's important to read important things and important books. But we won't touch on that today. But I think those are the 4 convictions: vocation, faith, relationships, and wisdom.

What's great about all this, Phil, is that as you started this conversation, it is about continuously challenging oneself and challenging the premises maybe that you've set. And as you said, being confused in a curious way. So it goes back to really having that constant curiosity. So let's go back to this question because this is something that's, I think, a challenge for a lot of people who are listening, which is this purpose in what we do in work. As you said, you're blessed to be Working at something that you really, really love. I know, for example, I was reading an article the other day talking about someone who works at a zoo. They've got their degrees and they went to university and they've got their master's, but they're maybe not earning as much as if somebody else also did those same sort of credentials, but they love their job. It's not about the money. It is about their sense of purpose. What about The person who is— and I've worked with a lot of people like this who are in a job and they're having difficulties finding their purpose. They're in it because there's a pension, because there's a good salary, and they're feeling trapped. What are your thoughts on that?

2 things. One, seek to live a full life, not a safe life. You're right. There's a lot of people that are just trying to get to their pension. What happens in life is they become sleepwalkers. They just go to sleep in their own life. And the problem is, if you go to sleep in your business life, you go to sleep in all your life. So what I share, especially when I speak to young people in colleges, is just create a triangle. And, and as you look at your career, number one is, what are your signature strengths? What are your natural gifted, God-given strengths? What comes naturally to you? Number 2 is What do you love doing? Because you can be good at something doesn't mean you like doing it. Part of the joy of getting older is you can't fake stuff. And, uh, the older you get, if you don't like it, you can't do it. And then third on this triangle is what will the world pay for? Because let's be very clear, money doesn't buy happiness, but lack of money will buy unhappiness.

Yeah.

My dad always used to say, if you want to help the poor, don't become one. Money does matter. It's what are my strengths? What are my strengths? What do I love doing? But third, what will the world pay for? Because yes, money does matter.

Well, I might slightly disagree here with you on this because the challenge with someone who's got the security, so they've got the money. Maybe they don't like what they're doing, but they do feel trapped by it because they are earning a good salary doing what they're doing. What do you think? Can they still find fulfillment? Is that where it's important maybe to find fulfillment outside of work and say, well, look, this is what I'm doing—

Absolutely.

—32 to 40 hours a week, but everything else that you're saying about curiosity and relationships and seeking different purposes for yourself When outside of those 32 to 40 hours a week?

Without question, without question. Let's be clear, you know, life isn't perfect. It's perfect enough. No job is perfect, but is it perfect enough to keep you engaged? And when I talk about money matters, let me be clear, it's not the only thing that matters, but you want to have enough so you can help others, right? And so, and also, lack of money reduces the options that you have in life. I especially coach young people to be very careful of getting into debt, because debt reduces your options in life. Here's the other thing, when you find what you love, you need fewer things.

Mm-hmm.

I always say to people, don't spend money you don't have to buy things you don't need to impress people you don't know. If you think about it, that's the message of the Western media. You need to buy stuff to impress other people. Nobody cares. Yeah, who cares? I think, well, free is happiness.

Well, it's, it's kind of about your point earlier about, about forgiveness. When, uh, it's a— it's forgiveness is also a lot of our, of our self-talk, right? So it's me. And so that goes to maybe why we want to, uh, to show off. So with just a couple of minutes left, uh, and I want to save just some time for us to find out more Yeah. More about what's coming up next for Phil Sterling and Summit Group. But this has been really good. Soft stuff is the hard stuff, and there's these 4 dimensions of character, competency, our communication skills, and our convictions. And I love it. Each one of those has different other elements. So this is chock-full, as they say. We can definitely listen to this episode again and really listen to it. some more. So let me ask you this now, Phil. Where can we find out, or what's coming up next for Phil Stern, CEO of The Summit Group? Or where can we find out more about you?

summitvalue.com is our website. What we do in essence is business school for sales, very simply. As you know, we help salespeople become business people and also become real people, because that's what customers want. The old days of selling are over.

Mm-hmm.

Persuasion is gone. It's about listening, aligning, and that's what we do. So, it's the joy of my life because we get to impact people all around the world. That's what we're doing. I think the second thing is that we're working on right now is getting much more involved in professionalizing the discipline of sales. It's one of the most noble professions in the world. So we're doing a lot around accreditizing, and we have a new publication called the Journal of Sales Transformation, which is kind of the Harvard Business Review of selling, because I think selling is really about serving. Yeah. And, and that's why I love it, and that's why this is my vocation.

So that's, that's a great switch. All right, and anywhere that we could see you in action, Phil, uh, speaking up, any upcoming speaking that's sort of open to the Yeah, a lot of stuff's online.

You can just Google my name. The last is a Swedish name, so it's ironically spelled S-E-Y-R-L-U-N-D. And just check our website. And we're going to be launching a new YouTube channel. So we're just launching that. So the biggest thing that your listeners could do is just subscribe to our YouTube channel, The Summit Group, so we can get that thing launched. And then we're going to be just kind of leaving some links. what we call lessons from the road. As our entire team is roaming around the planet, we'll leave some nuggets of what we're seeing out there. So I think people will enjoy that.

Lovely. Phil, thank you so much for your time today. And we're doing this show live, so I know it's quite early over there in California. So I really appreciate you getting up early to do this. And again, this has been a wonderful chat. Chock-full. Character, competency, communication skills, conviction. Those are the things that we need to take away from this conversation about how we can influence others without being manipulative, really show up differently, and how— and this affects how we show up and how we get them engaged. So Phil, all the best, and we look forward to seeing that YouTube channel.

Thank you, Joel. Good to be with you. Cheers.

Take care.

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If you have a question or comment for Joel Silverstone, please send an email to joel@joelsilverstone.com.

Again, that's joel@joelsilverstone.com. Now back to TFR.

Welcome back to TFR, This Feels Right. Our next part of the show is something I'm I've always been very curious about astrology. We talk about influencing others without being manipulative. What's so interesting about gifted astrologers is they're always focused on the other person. Kind of like we were just talking about with Phil is that people do like to hear what they can relate to and what they can latch onto and find maybe some meaning or purpose from the outside. We've got Rhonda Silverstone. Star Lady here, who is a gifted psychic astrologer. What's interesting is that she works with the dates and times of clients' birth info. I like this quote that she uses, which is that knowledge comes in at the right time and then goes out at the right time. Rhonda, thank you so much for being on— or Star Lady, thank you so much for being on the show. How are you feeling today?

Thank you, Joel. I'm doing very well. I'm I'm glad you took care of somebody else in California before me.

Yes, he was up earlier than you because you are in the desert.

Yes, exactly. Anyway, no, I'm doing very well.

Great.

And things are— this is a good day. We're having a new moon today, so it's about new beginnings and new starts. With this new moon, It's going to help everybody. It's between the sign of Aquarius and between the sign of Sagittarius. And so Sagittarius is knowledge, and so is Aquarius. So it is about information coming in, and we all have a lot of information coming in at this time, don't we? Globally and in the United States.

Yes.

So therefore, No, but it's going to be a beautiful 73-degree sunny day here in Tucson. I hate to brag, but it is gorgeous. Anyway, so go ahead.

Yeah, so let me ask you this. You know, because you work with the dates and times, and it's a combination of looking at the astrology but also some intuition. First question is, and this is a term I think you've used, and I know nothing about astrology, so Mercury retrogrades. What is that?

Well, and you're right, most men don't know about Mercury retrograde. The majority of the women know about Mercury retrograde. But Mercury retrograde is the winged messenger, you know, in Greek mythology, and so therefore when Mercury goes retrograde things seem to be a little turbulent, okay? And basically what happens is we always have things go wrong, like anything, like computers, your battery dies, you have a flat tire, you lose your keys. A lot of people lose things under Mercury retrograde. So it's a, you know, it's a fast-moving planet.

Right.

But when it goes retrograde, it is backing up. And so Mercury retrograde is significant to all of us because, you know, it's around the world. And so therefore, we will have 3 this year. Sometimes we have 4 Mercury retrogrades. So our first Mercury retrograde coming up is going to be February 17th through March 10th. So like I always like to tell my clients, you know, 3 days before you're going to feel it coming on. And then I always say give it 7 days after March 10th. I say 7 days after March 10th for it to be out of the backside of the shadow. And then we will have one June 18th to July 12th. And then our last one for the year will be October 14th to November 3rd. So if anybody's listening, or, you know, write those down. And since you don't know anything about it, you know, watch what happens. Okay, see if you have any miscommunications, you have a computer go down, or all of a sudden your heater stops working and you have to replace your heater.

Wow.

I mean, anything to do that is ran on electricity. Now, back in the ancient times, you know, theirs were different. So they would go out to, you know, work in the fields and their blades, you know, weren't working. And they go, gosh, I could have sworn I just sharpened those a few weeks ago. But the blades to cut the, you know, to cut the wheat weren't working. So that's how— so it's like telling Mm-hmm. Things that you didn't do 90 days ago, you should have done them prior to Mercury going retrograde. So that's what a Mercury retrograde is about, and when it affects you, it, it can be tremendous. Now, this year they're all going to be in water signs. So the first one is going to be in Pisces, the second one is going to be in Cancer, and the last one is going to be in Scorpio.

Right.

So it's going to be an emotional year. If you just look at the retrogrades, it's going to be a very emotional year, and we're going to all feel like we're drowning in different ways. Our relationships will be affected, obviously, because, you know, we have relationships, we have partners, and then we also have our day-in, day-out relationships with, you know, one another, with who we work with. So I just keep an eye on it since you're new. new to it, especially with the one coming up, but it could be very positive for the earth signs, okay? And you're an earth sign.

Yes.

And you have lots of them, lots of those Capricorn planets, so it could be positive for you in that department.

Okay, 'cause yeah, 'cause you said Mercury is the winged messenger, and I'm thinking, huh, he's just delivering bad news here when he comes during these retrogrades. It could also be good news.

Right, not always, depending on what sign it is and what element it is in. So for you, you know, being a Capricorn, and for myself being a Cancer opposite of you, it could be very positive for us, okay, because I'm a water sign, okay. Now people that are not, that don't have water planets or earth planets, and then they could have a difficulty with it. But at the same time, it's where your Mercury is. Where is your Mercury in your chart? And then that goes with the houses. And so therefore, if it's in your 1st house, it may have something to do with you physically. If it's in your 10th house, you could be really shining because the 10th house is being out in the public, and like you are, and being on radio could be very, very positive for you.

Okay, well, that's— I'll go out there and say my wife is Cancer, so maybe I'll have her on in the show during that time.

Your wife is a Cancer? Okay, great, yeah. So it'd be CN. So I bet you if you— did you ask her prior to this? Did she know about Mercury retrogrades?

No, I didn't. I'll ask her afterwards.

Okay, yeah. So therefore, it also affects the dos and the don'ts.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, don't travel if you don't have to. Don't make long trip travels. Okay, and brainstorming with other people and facing with other people, it can be very tough to communicate. People could— you could be communicating with somebody and trying to get your point across, across, and they're not getting it. Okay, another key thing is, you know, back to the electricity, you know, the lights Warning you in your car, oh, the tire is low. Oh geez, the battery won't start. So you're going to get clues about it as it comes around, and it is a good tool to play with, but when it's not making good aspects to you, you can be quite frustrated.

Let's talk about birthdays because that's a big thing about When around birthdays and about taking a trip on your birthday. Is that, is that correct?

Right. How to get more love, money, and success by traveling on your birthday. This is ancient also. Years ago, the pharaohs would, and would travel, okay, to different countries, and they, they had astrologers, but they weren't called astrologers. They were called magi. And so therefore, if you didn't predict the right direction where, where the Pharaoh or the king were going— because it was to improve the king as well as the Pharaoh and his people. So it's about you going on a birthday trip. I just got back from mine. I didn't have to go far this time. I went to Albuquerque, Mm-hmm. Which was very freezing, and I saw clients in Santa Fe, 9 degrees. That was a wake-up call. Anyway, so you're shifting your planet or planets, you're shifting them by going to a different longitude, latitude, and time zone, which is my job to find the best place for what you're wanting. Most women want love, okay?

Mm-hmm.

money. But it is shifting. It's kind of shifting with where more women are saying, forget about it, I can't seem to find the right guy, I just want to focus on money and success in my business. So it's different with different people. Some people will want to focus— I always focus on health, you know, try and protect the health house, like putting Venus on that 6th house.

Mm-hmm.

of health. So, but it takes hours. It's a very, you know, not a lot of astrologers do it because it's a lot of work. But my Hungarian teacher and my Greek teacher both talked about it and encouraged me to, you know, practice, practice, practice on yourself before you take it on to your friends and clients.

Mm-hmm.

But in July, I will be in Reykjavik, Iceland.

Oh.

For my second half. Yeah, I'll be in Reykjavik for my second half. And so it's about shifting the— because the planets are going to shift majorly in 6 months. So as they shift every 6 months, whether they go retrograde all summer long, okay, then you want to make sure that you're setting up a birthday trip that's going to benefit you. And so I have 4 clients that I'm finished with. They know where they're going now. I put together— some of them call them their mantra, some of them call them their affirmations— and, and the color candles to put on that chart and what time to get there. And I always like to pad it a little bit because you can't control, you know, that pilot, you know, flying that plane to get you there on time. So I, I like to, you know, pad it a little bit. And I had a gal that was worried because she was going to, um, São Paulo, and she, she says the flight changed. She says, I don't think I'm going to make it. I go, if you don't make it, then just stay right in São Paulo because São Paulo is a very good chart for everything you wanted except for, you know, the romance. Because I was taking her on to an island And so she ended up going to São Paulo. So some people will wait till the last minute, and I'm like, look, you know, I've got people ahead of you. But anyway, basically it's a big investment to do it.

Mm-hmm.

Not that big. I don't think it's that big. But anyway, I've done it for 35 years, and my husband goes on his because I want to protect him, and I And his is in April and October. So we were in, you know, Halifax, Nova Scotia in October. And so it's— and then my— one of my mentors, Bob Marks, has written a book on it that I would recommend. I know I'm giving it a little punch here.

Yeah. And he—

It's, it's not an easy read, okay? But at the same time, if you read the stories about the people that he helped in legal cases— and one gal wanted to be famous. Well, she became famous, all right. She got on some kind of show, and, and when she got off the show, she had more phone calls Of men wanting to date her. So it's kind of interesting how some things happen and play out. And I sent another longtime client on her birthday, she didn't have to go far. But at the same time, we were protecting her health because of the fact that I saw that she was going to be challenged with her health this year. And so we made sure that we protected her health, but at the same time, you know, if you've had cancer, okay, and it's, you know, in remission and she's not going to get it again, she was worried about me protecting that house because she didn't want to get cancer again. I said, I cannot promise you that, but I don't see you getting it again because if you don't focus on it, it's not going to happen. So it's again about, you know, seeing it, feeling it, and then communicating it. And but if you constantly focus on, you know, your bad health, then you're going to have bad health, is how I feel. I mean, I wasn't born with the greatest chart for health, and I've had my challenges. So it's about, you know— Thinking positive, like, you know, and it is also, you know, taking that chance. I have another gal coming in and she goes, I want to do a birthday trip. And I'm like, okay, great. Are you going to just do your half or are you going to do just, you know, the first? I want to test it out, she said. And then I've got clients that have done it for years and they're afraid not to do it.

Yeah.

So that's basically— but it's, it's a lot of work on my part. So they have to pay 6 to 9 months ahead because they're going to want the best flights and the best, you know, deals out there. So the sooner they, you know, pay ahead, then the sooner they can get their charts ready and their locations and their affirmations and their color candles. So that's basically how it works. And It's about, you know, like this one guy has a legal deal going on, and, and man, I worked hours for that, and I didn't want to have to send him clear to Helsinki. And so I, I said, will you go, you know, will you go to Mexico? We, you know, we— he goes, I'll go anywhere. I go, well, I can't send you to Australia right now because they're on fire. He goes, yeah, but if it's If it's good, I'll go there. And I'm like, no, you're not. You'd have to have a boat and rent a boat and sit out there in that longitude-latitude place. So I'm having a little difficulty on that one, on finding a good one. I said, you'll have to do your second half of your birthday in September, I said, because it will get better in September.

All right, Starlady, thank you for sharing that about the birthday. It's really— the real reason is if we shift our longitude, latitude, as you say, we're having a little bit more control of our destiny in a sense by switching it up. If we want to find out more about you, get in touch with you, it's thestarlady.net. Is that correct?

That's correct. thestarlady.net.

Okay. You've got some wisdoms, you've got some— you're sharing some newsletter type of stuff and insights as well. Is that correct on that site?

Right, and then I have specials and then I do workshops and then I teach, but I didn't— I had some health issues in December that I was taking care of, and so I just post on there. There won't be a You know, newsletter, uh, December and January. And, uh, but there will be one moving forward.

There will— moving forward there will be. And, and even, even if there wasn't recently, we— there's, there's lots of stuff to take a look at.

Plenty to read. There's plenty of information on there that they can read. Yeah, absolutely. Especially you Capricorns.

Well, okay, so again, that's Rhonda the Star Lady, and you could find her at thestarlady.com. Or you can Google Rhonda Astrologer. Yeah, or Rhonda Astrologer. So thank you so much. This was great. We learned a little bit about the, the pharaohs as well. And, uh, uh, Mercury the messenger can be a deliverer of good news and bad news. So thank you so much for being a guest. And, uh, listeners, thank you for listening to TFR, This Feels Right. And, uh, I will get to— there were some questions or comments from after Phil, so I will get to those Uh, in next week's show. So thank you so much. Uh, continue to send your questions and comments to me at, uh, joelsilverstone.com, my website, or connect with me on LinkedIn, Joel Silverstone, or on Twitter @SilverstoneTalk. This has been a lovely episode of TFR, This Feels Right, and we'll see you next week. Thank you.

Thank you for tuning in to TFR, This Feels Right. Please join host Joel Silverstone for another edition next Friday morning at 7 AM Pacific Time and 10 AM Eastern Time on the Voice America Business Channel. We'll talk again soon.

Thank you.