🧑‍🏫 An Introduction to the Relational Dojo w/ Sofia-Jeanne Caring Replay

Let's go.

Hello. Hello. Yeah. Come now.

Yeah.

Good morning. Good afternoon, everyone. Hey, Adam. Hey, Seth. Hey, Bruno. Welcome back. Hey, Erica. Got. Hi, Venus. Mark, Tarek. Lovely to see your faces. So we'll be starting in about two minutes time. In the meantime, if you'd like to share three things that you're noticing in your experience. Words 3 things you're noticing in your experience and share the chat. We'll be starting in just around a minute or so.

Sam, it.

Okay. Well, welcome, everyone. I am really excited for today's guest session with Sophia Jean. Let me just say welcome, Sophia.

It's.

It's wonderful to have you back and, and for context for everyone. Sophia Jean has helped to train our alumni in the. The relational dojo practice, and she has a background in deep, deep experience in circling and other relational ninja practices. So it's. It's great to have you here.

Thank you. Jenny, How.

How would you describe the work that you do when it comes to these relational practices?

This changes by the year, but this year I've been really enjoying seeing the relational space as like, a fabric that we create. And the ways that we weave ourselves together will create different kinds of. Into our own experience and, and kind of like playfulness and curiosity in the relational space to start exploring. There's often a lot below the surface that we don't talk about, and it can be really fun and really meaningful to share more of that. And so very, very broadly, relational work to me is just this question of, like, how do we have more beautiful relationships? How do we collaborate better? How do we interact in ways that create the kinds of things we want to see? That's my, my play space.

That's beautiful. And yeah, maybe this is probably another big question, but how would you say that your life has shifted as a result of going deep into this work?

I feel like I used to just, like, hide mostly. Like, I would hide in books or I'd literally hide in my room or in the library. I really liked hiding in the library. Great place to hide. And after 10 years of relational practice, I feel like, like I've transformed my, like, basic play space from one in which I'm alone to one in which I'm with other people and can just move so comfortably with others and really create things that I. That I want to create and do it intentionally and do much less of the things that I was previously doing unintentionally that were also creating things I didn't want to happen in my own experience and in my relationships. So, yeah, it's hard to overstate that kind of change.

Beautiful. Well, that is very compelling and probably a good segue into me just handing over the. The mic to you. I'm just gonna gracefully get out of the way.

Thanks for the welcome.

Yeah, thank you for being here.

Hello, you all. It's good to see you. Some familiar faces and many, I don't know, welcome. I just want to start with getting comfortable. A lot of relational work can be a little edgy, and it's worthwhile just to get comfortable beforehand. So if there's anything, and I really. I really mean, okay, almost anything, don't, you know, don't murder your cat right now. But, like, if there's anything you can do to get more comfortable, including putting your cat in the other room or getting. Getting some water, adjusting your seat, adjusting your camera, closing any open tabs. If you have a movie playing in the background, whatever it is that'll help you kind of settle in here, please feel very welcome and invited to do that both now and throughout the session. Especially when we're on Zoom, we can get kind of, like, either fixated on the computer or have kind of like a ambivalent relationship towards it. And so to see if you can kind of, like, take in the space that you're in and adjust anything that could help you feel a little more settled in physically, technologically, whatever it is. Okay, so we are going to start by. Can I remove the spotlight? Tiny?

Yes, of course.

Okay, we're going to start by removing the spotlight so we can all take a look at each other. So I want you to, like, actually look around at the other little squares that are here, each one with a person or their name in it. And there's often a lot happening in our bodies and minds as we're interacting and as we're present with each other. And so I just want us to start tuning in together to whatever is already happening for us as we're here and as we're looking around to see who. Who else is here? Who are these. All these other people? There are various backgrounds, the colors, the shapes, perhaps some of whom we know, some of who we don't. Just let your attention roam around a little bit through the room. You can let it roast through your own physical space as well. You can let it sift into the body, just seeing whatever it is you notice and whatever it is that you find. See if you can just let. Let it be there. And if you can't let it be there, see if you can let that be there. Just roll with that as you look around, if you've stopped breathing, I recommend you take a nice breath. It happens all the time. Incidentally, it's good to see you all. It's nice to be able to look around. And to me, one of the best parts of zoom is you never know when someone's looking at you. Is that the best part? Maybe the best part is that you can look at anyone and they don't know. You can just. You could just. You can just look at that. It's okay. Find out what happens in your body when you do that. Look at someone else, see what that's like. You can close your eyes and look inside if you prefer that view right now. But just play around a little bit with your attention and how you're using it and how it feels to use your attention in that way. We have a lot of. A lot of default attentional patterns that will often dominate our experience, our perception, our lives, our relationships, and just starting to tune into what those are and how they feel. Really beautiful entry point to a lot of this. Thank you for going on that ride with me. I'm going to set a little more context for today, and then we will dive into some dyad practice together in breakout rooms. So I just want to say, when I say relational practice, in case this wasn't clear, it's really anything you do with other people, even if it's only happening in your own mind, like you interacting with other people in your mind is still relaxing, relational in the way that I think about it. And then when we come together, all the things that come up inside, all of the things that we're thinking and feeling as we're with each other, are all within this realm of relational practice. And I think one of the most beautiful elements of this is that you can really start to. To reveal what's happening for you on a deeper level, as well as become comfortable hearing what's really happening for other people and developing that depth of awareness and depth of conn together, which can yield real potent ness both for the positive emotions, but often also for the negative emotions. And one of the reasons I find this work so powerful is that often both our highest highs and our lowest lows can occur with other people in interaction with other people as a result of our relationships. And really learning how to traverse that entire spectrum of emotion through using the body and using emotional awareness is really, really powerful. So we'll be playing around a bit today, both in breakouts and as a full group, to explore that territory. And I'll just Say before we dive into practice that I hope whatever comes up for you, you can find a way for it to be okay to be here. You're welcome to bring your NSM practices in here. If there are breathing practices that you enjoy or other ways that you reg your body, please feel very welcome to try them out here during the course of our time together and see how they work. See how that goes. Is there. Are there any questions or things that feel important to share before we dive in a little deeper? I'll just wait quietly for at least 10 seconds. I'm wondering if it's worth giving an example of what a regulating breathing practice could look like. I'm just thinking of where we are in the curriculum at the moment, and I don't think we've covered anything like that yet. Oh, great. I wonder if Johnny or someone might want to give an example. Can I actually just give the most basic one, which is take a deep breath. I don't know if that's official nsm, but that's the one that I use. Just take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the floor. This is my version of basic regulating practice. But if there are any others that you like, please feel very welcome to use them. Yeah. Are there negative emotions or just emotions that we don't like or just our resistance to the sensations that arise? Yep, great territory. There are definitely emotions that I don't like, but they still are kind of tasty if you, like, tune into them. Like if you forget that you don't like them and you just feel them, there's like always something interesting in there. Often we use positive negative as like a classical distinction between like, happiness and joy and like sadness and anger. But some people really like sadness and anger and actually don't like feeling happiness and joy. So the whole thing kind of gets turned around if you dig too far into it, I have found. But that's a great question. Anything more? Okay, I'm not going to sit in silence for too much awkwardly longer, but if you do have questions along the way, please feel free to drop them in the chat or raise your hand or speak up. Okay, so the first thing we're going to do is we're going to start tuning in to body sensations. Often it's pretty easy for a lot of us to get spun up into emotional or mental states. And so we're going to start with body sensations as an area to tune into together. So we're just going to start noticing body sensations and I'm going to put something in the chat which you can ignore. Absolutely. Unless you notice you're having a really hard time identifying any body sensations. Or later when we do emotions. Any emotions. If you're having a hard time identifying any, you can click on this link and it will give you a list. If you're not having trouble, you don't really need to use it, although you're welcome to save it for later as a resource. So we'll start with body sensations. So just start tuning into how it feels in your body and I would actually recommend that you do this with your eyes open. If any of you have any meditation practice, it may be comfortable to do it with your eyes closed. But as a relational practice, I'd love for us to do it while remaining aware of each other. So as you are aware of the other people here, see if you can notice any body sensations that are arising. And you're welcome to pop those in the chat. If you would like anything physical that you feel in any part of your body, all the way from your toes to your nose to the top of your head, anything in between. Sleepy hands are cold fabric of socks. So these are body sensations. And if you ever start getting spun up in a relational context, body sensations are a great place to return. One of the reasons that breathing can feel good is it just reminds us that our body is there and the sensation itself can be common. So you're always welcome throughout this session to return to body sensations as kind of a grounding area of attention. We're going to move on to the next step, which is emotions which have something to do with the body, but also a little bit of something else. So if there's anything you're noticing in your emotional awareness as you're here, feel free to drop that in the chat. In the chat. And you might notice like sometimes this stays the same. Like you'll just be kind of like content, content, content, content. And sometimes it actually changes quite rapidly and they'll just be kind of like loops, ping pongs of different emotions arising and falling. Just notice that as you're here, if you want to stretch it out, you can always look a little more closely at the other people and see what emotions arise or drop a little deeper into your own system. See what's underneath the. What's immediately obvious to you. Just noticing whatever it is, letting it be there, welcoming it even if you'd like, and letting it go, if you would like to go. You might see what emotions arise when you see everyone else's emotions rising. Wow, that's quite a list. Edgy. Shyness. Sad. Mild background anxiety. I know that one concern. Despair. Satisfied. Shy. Yeah. So this is the emotional domain. I call it one step up from body sensations, because it can still be grounded, but it also can take on a life of its own in a way. And then we're going to step one more up, the third component. So we have body sensations, we have emotions, and then we're going to introduce thoughts or stories. What am I thinking right now? And if you'd like, you're welcome to put them in the chat. And this is often the area that's happening most automatically. They're just kind of like streaming. And we often are most aware of them too, depending on, you know, what practices we've done. So just see what. What thoughts are here, what stories are here. It's kind of like the third level of experience that will hit thinking of who's looking at me. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Thoughts, stories. Almost always running in the background, scanning for actions you need to take. Yep. If you notice, you start getting carried away. You can always return to the level of sensation. You always return to the level of emotion. And there's a way we can. We can learn together how to navigate those layers on purpose. Beautiful. Okay, so now that we have these grounding areas, and hopefully you're feeling a little more dropped in and a little more aware of your own experience, whether that feels good or it doesn't feel so good, both of those are completely welcome. We're going to do a curiosity exercise, and we'll do this in breakout rooms. So, Ocean, if you want to start putting those together while I describe the exercise, that would be awesome. So basically what we'll do is each of you will be in pairs in breakout rooms, and you'll be taking turns. And so first one person will go, and they will be curious about the other, and then you'll swap roles, and the person who was receiving curiosity will then give curiosity. It's a little more complicated than that. There's a whole structure I'll be walking you through for this exercise, but it's basically an exercise in curiosity. And the only rule is that you're not allowed to say something you're not actually curious about. So if you don't actually care, you know about what the painting is in their background, then don't pretend you're curious about it. See if you can find something you're actually curious about. And you may not know anything about each other, you may not know each other at all, or you may think you know each other very well, and in either of those situations, it can be really powerful to. To summon curiosity and just start asking. So we're going to do that together. I'll be leading you through the exercise. It'll be. Basically, it'll be about. It'll be somewhere between five and 10 minutes for each person, so you can. You can get ready for that sort of cadence. So one person will receive curiosity. I'll be leading you through some. Some exercises in that. And then you'll swap and the other person will go ocean. How are we doing on breakout rooms? Okay. Almost there. Yeah. Okay, so once you're all in breakout rooms, you will start to hear my voice, and I will lead you through the exercise. Are there any questions or concerns before we go off together? All right, we'll be here. You can always come back here if you get scared. If you need anything, you can always chat us. You're gonna do great. Don't. Okay, we're back. So I'd love to hear from anyone who would like to share what that was like, what came up for you, what felt good, what didn't feel so good, anything in the arena of your experience that you might like to offer to the group and to each other as a. As a gift, as a share, as a reveal. And we can just do this by hand raise. Sure. Yeah, I had a great time. I had a great time meeting Mark, and we had a lot in common. And yeah, it was super great. So very serendipitous. So, yeah, thanks for facilitating this. Cool. Glad you had a positive experience. And also, if you had a horrible experience, you're also very welcome to share that there's an equal opportunity, sharing space. Is anyone else going to dare put their voice in the ring? Ah, Jeff, go ahead. Okay.

I thought it was. It felt great.

And. And to be able to go into.

The breakout room with someone who's a stranger and be open.

And for them to be open, the.

Whole experience I thought was.

Was just.

Amazing.

I'm glad to be here.

All right. I'm not sure how to pronounce your name here, sir. Senior Sears.

My name is Spencer. It's just the Spencer username I had on there. I had a great time meeting Pedro.

We are.

We were able to relate on a lot of things. And, you know, when you. We had the prompt on, you know, how did the other person feel? Heard and like the positive things. Yet he had to say just made me feel really good and warm inside. And that. That was beautiful. And I loved connecting with him.

Very sweet. Thank you. Thanks Diana. Yeah, I joined, I joined late, but I wanted to share because I was, was partnered with Etta and it's amazing how much you can feel heard and seen just in a short period of time. I mean, her questions were, were so opening and welcoming and observant. It just made me feel very thankful for being able to, to join and to be paired with her. Thank you, Spencer. Also Spencer.

So Spencer. Yeah, I thought it was great, like honesty, openness. William and I both were able to get to the same level of depth in our questions and learned a lot about each other. So we were saying it's really great when you're in two sided conversations where people are asking and giving roughly the same amount. So it's a great feeling.

Yeah, yeah.

Good balance.

I'm glad you got that. Yeah, that aspect of it. Erica, Hi.

I was paired with Angelica and we come from very different parts of the world, different backgrounds, but immediately connected mostly through our shared vulnerabilities and just sharing like things that we experience and how we feel seen in not being alone in those and felt more vulnerable and connected with Angelica than I do sometimes with like people closest to me in my life. And so it made me want to take some of these tools to apply to my relationships.

Yes.

Across all levels. So, you know, we could get a transcript of all this so I can just make my own workbook. That would be great.

Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. I think taking these tools and using them in your life is the absolute best application of anything that we practice here. So. Yeah. Terrific, Bruno.

So it was fantastic. It was also very interesting to watch the mind during the interview, especially when I was, when I was on the receiving question side because it's funny, the mind expected a certain line of inquiry and Lewis started with something and then he jumped somewhere else and I was like, oh, I didn't see that coming. Oh, I didn't see that coming either. So that, that was, that was very refreshing. But also when the prompt was for the other person to give their impression of me, the mind was like, I hope I didn't say something stupid. Oh, it was like, it was like, although it's a five minute conversation with somebody I didn't know and probably, who knows if I'll meet them again. I really wanted to take the ace. The status, which is such a western thing. Like everything is like, okay, you do, it's a good or bad. And I, I just had to. Just looking at the mind, I'm.

You dumbass. Just, just.

Yeah.

So there.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing that you really got it. Also that like the thought level during the experience, you know, like, what are the thoughts that are running through my head as I'm doing this? And like that can be very potent.

Funny.

Funny enough, the first question was a. I'm paraphrasing probably, but what's the, what's the percentage of, of the time? I'm aware of what's happening here and I'm, I'm, I'm, I've been, I've been doing, I've been mediting for quite some time, so I'm pretty aware of what's happening, which kind of sometimes pisses me off because I'm like, hello, are we done? I mean you, you, it's, it's probably 10 past 1. I thought we're done with this. I, I thought we passed this thing, but you're back.

Yeah. Sometimes if you welcome it heartily enough, it just speeds its own way out.

Yeah, I, I know sometimes the only way out is through, but sometimes I'm afraid that, you know, you follow that rabbit hole deep enough, there be dragons.

I absolutely agree with that statement, actually. Okay. We are going to transition to our group curiosity mind. Thank you all for sharing and thank you, Bruno, for sharing. That vulnerability also of what happens within. It's very, very precious. And I have no doubt that there are other people here who, you know, felt a little something as you described that or had their own intern process, you know, during it. So we're going to take this into the group together just for a few minutes and we're going to do group curiosity. So this might get a little messy and that's okay. You're welcome to use the chat. You're also welcome to unmute yourself, but we're going to do single line curiosities. So being here in the group, I'm curious about and if you want, you can name people, but you don't have to. There's a way you can kind of just operate into the group field, like what would you want to know here? And so I'll just do for a few minutes in the chat or out loud and you might get mangled together and that's okay, we'll figure it out. But what are you curious about being here? What would you want to know about all of these different people, where people are from?

Okay.

Oh, go ahead. Does everyone else suddenly feels like they are feeling of curiosity hidden somewhere? Because we are not alone with one person who you can focus and somehow play with, maybe say something, maybe lie is Sophia suggested. And now that There's a lot of us and I have so, so easy time finding curiosities about Katie. And now I just have blank, blank. Just everything is everything hides relatable or I the only one. So there's something that sometimes we use, which is the wiggle fingers, which is a way to say me too, without everyone having to talk at once. So you're welcome if you'd like to wiggle finger. To wiggle finger if you relate to that experience. This is in, in my experience, facilitating groups for 10 years. This is extremely common. There are some people who really like being in dyads, but other people actually who like blending in in a group and being in the dyad gets a little intense, you know, but it can be very interesting to see what happens, what happens in the body, what happens in the emotional space as you're here with all these people getting curious compared to in the dyad. Yep. I'm curious about that too. Shared purpose.

I have a curiosity that maybe I can share. I'm curious about the percentage of participants here that struggled with the format or the technology of the exercise just now. And the reason why I'm curious about that is because it's such a positive exercise in general and I have so many positive things to say about it. But we, I think at least me, but I think my partner Yvonne share some of this as well, is that was that we really struggled with the format. Like we couldn't hear the broadcast at some point clearly and the text prompt was quite fast and sometimes we couldn't read it and it disappeared and we couldn't find it anywhere. But it was still a really good exercise.

So thank you. Thanks for sharing that.

I'm curious who else thought it was going to be hard to open up and connect, but actually found it to be very easy and freeing.

I'm also curious if you felt that way, Spencer.

I. I did.

Yeah. Felt surprisingly more easy than expected.

Yeah, I felt the same, Spencer. And it was more easy than expected.

That's saying so.

Curious if folks thought this is gonna be just skin level, you know, elevator talk. Hi, how are you? I'm fine.

How about you?

Oh, or they expected. Oh, let's, you know, let's double click into this. Let's double click into this. Like, how deep did you think you would have to go? The answer?

We'll do a few more. So if you haven't shared yet and you'd like to share a curiosity, now is your time to throw it in the pot. How it's different in person. I Encourage all of you to find out by grabbing someone you know and demanding that they do a five minute curiosity game with you consensually. I'm curious about how many are feeling comfortable in this big group right now and how many are feeling uncomfortable in this big group right now. We could do a wiggle fingers version. Like, if you feel comfortable right now, you can do both. If you feel comfortable right now, you could wiggle. If you feel uncomfortable right now, you could also wiggle. I often feel both of those at the same time. Yeah. To.

To piggyback this. Piggyback on this. How many would feel comfortable doing exactly same thing with 41 people in a room, like physical? Because I think being on Zoom was eas.

Test your hypotheses, brave people. Test your hypotheses.

Hey, it's wonderful weather in Chicago right now.

All right, so we are going to go back into breakout rooms for just about five minutes. We're going to put you in groups of three and you will be sharing based on one very simple sentence stem, which is being with you, I feel. Fill in the blank. You're welcome to use emotions. You're welcome to use body sensations. You're welcome to use more complex sentences, although I'd encourage you to keep them to a single statement. Being with you, I feel blank. And if it's quiet, it's okay. You can let there be a little silence in there. You can slow it down and feel what it's like just to be together and to share in that being with you, I feel blank. So we'll send you off into groups of three for just about five minutes and then we'll call you back to close together. All right, all of you. I'm just looking back around at your faces and I'd love at the end here just to drop back in together by looking around, by feeling your own body as you listen to my semi meditation voice, which Johnny called me out on earlier, noticing any emotional content that's here, any thoughts that are going through your mind and just looking around at these people who some of whom at least you now know a little better than you did before. And there's a pretty simple way that you got there. You got curious about each other, you listened to each other, we received each other's curiosity. We dropped in together, feeling the body, feeling the emotions, noticing the stories, maybe taking a deep breath when you needed to, maybe two. And we can do these things whenever we want. And you know, there are some circumstances that may be more, less amenable, like the amount of curiosity you can get into at the grocery store checkout might be slightly less than in another context, but I really encourage you to bring it forward. To try out something that felt good here, something that worked here with someone you pass on the street or someone you know, someone you'd like to know better, or someone you think you know, but you might want to know differently or more. And I'll send Ocean some of the prompts that we used today in case any of you want them for cheat sheet reference. The other way to do it is that if there's anything you're feeling right now that feels good, that feels like something you want more of in your life, you can just sort of. You can. You can give it a name. You can just check on it and really feel it, make a note of it, and see if there's any way you can draw it forward into whatever you're doing next, into your relationships, into the rest of your life. And if there's anything you're feeling that feels challenging, just to see if you can welcome it, if you can be with it, let it be okay. Or if it's not okay, let it be okay that it's not okay. And give it space, too. It's wonderful to be here with all of you and to see you all through the technology and also through the technological glitches. I'm happy we could all be here together. If you'd like, in signing and closing off, you're welcome to drop in the chat any word about where you've landed after all of that. And you're also welcome just to use your voice and shout it out in the room as you leave. So thank you. Thank you all, and I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Day evening. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye. Thank you. Thank you, Sophia. Thank you. Thank you, guys. What is nsdr? I know. Asmr.

Wait, what?

Wait, what? You guys deal with this now?

You don't leave me to Google this alone.

She's not joking.

It's like you don't even know us. Non sleep. Deep breath. Okay. I just needed a context clue.

Right there.

Yeah.

I feel like that could be an alternate career for sure. Maybe with like, like kind of like Trojan horse Easter eggs kind of dropped in, but to like, subconsciously piss people off.

I feel your anger.

Okay, thanks a lot. Cheers, Bruno.

Bye, everyone.

Thanks, Lexi.

Take care.

Bye.