🧑‍🏫 Rapid Fire Hot Seat Coaching w/ Renowned Executive Coach Joe Hudson

Okay, let's go.

There's Sarah.

Good morning. Good afternoon, everyone. Lovely to see your faces. Oh, hey, Sarita, Lyle. Hey, Tessa. Welcome. Tony, Marie, Fern. Hey there, Fern. Beautiful.

So, jj, you were just in Austin. Here you are again.

We'll be starting in a couple of minutes time. If you'd like to share in the chat how you're feeling in this exact moment in three words. How you're feeling in three words.

Sa.

Okay, welcome, everyone. Good morning. Good afternoon. Let's. Let's begin with like a little grounding practice. So everyone get comfy in your seat. Make any adjustments. You need to start by feeling your. Feeling your butt on the chair, on.

The seat.

Taking your breath and then the other side and you can close down the eyes if you wish. And just take a moment to like, notice the space around you. So, like, notice the space to the sides of you, to the left and the right. Notice the space above your head. Notice. Notice the ground beneath you, feeling your feet on the floor. Notice the space behind you and just kind of breathe into that spaciousness that exists behind you. And let's all take one collective inhale through the nose and then just a big sigh on the exhale. So inhaling through the nose and sigh. That feels good. Let's do one more inhale and opening up the eyes, connecting to some faces in the room and making eye contact even though other people can't tell if you're making eye contact. Beautiful. Beautiful. Well, welcome, Joe. It's so great to have you here.

Good to be back, Johnny.

So for those of you who aren't familiar with Joe, he's the founder of the Art of Accomplishment. They have amazing courses, like transformational programs, and they also have an incredible podcast which I highly, highly recommend that everyone listen to.

Hi there.

So the flow for today is going to be we'll start with just some kind of more like intellectual questions. They kind of like warm things up. We'll then transition in about 15 minutes time and we'll be doing rapid fire coaching. So many of you have submitted questions ahead of time, and we'll kind of go through how that'll work nearer the time, but maybe to kind of kick things off. Joe, how do you. How do you describe the work that you do in the world? How do you describe the kind of particular flavor of coaching and your approach to it?

Yeah, I mean, there's so many ways to describe it, but the one I've liked recently is generally the issue that we're addressing with most is that people are stressed and not enjoying their life. And this is bad personally because it prevents you from learning. It causes you to die early, you're more likely to get ill, you know, can't think as clearly, all those things that are, you know, proven neurologically. But the, the other problem with it is that is a societal problem. It means that like you feel like you're under threat. And when a person feels like they're under threat, they treat the world as a threat. And when you treat something as a threat long enough, they start, it starts acting like a threat. Like if I treat you like a threat long enough, Johnny, eventually you're going to be like, fuck you, Joe. Eventually you're going to treat me like a threat. And if you look around society right now, every, everything is people treating each other like threats, right? So politics or marriages or raising children. It's all like this thing that's happening where people are treating each other like threats and starting to act like threats. So the thing is that most folks, they talk about what causes stress, as in I'm really busy or money or a whole bunch of external factors. And that's true, that does increase stress in a system. But in our world there's three I'd say main reasons that we're under stress a lot. The first one is that we have an internal voice in our head that's just incredibly abusive and, and attacking ourselves all the time. And we have some story that we can't live without it. We just sit on a couch and drink beer all day if, if we got rid of this like really shitty boss in our head. And so for us, you know, and because of that we, we flip the way we think about coaching from self improvement to self understanding. But if you actually understand yourself the same way, like if you understood AI, you can use it, you can, you know, you can, it can be really useful. Understanding yourself does the same thing. You don't have to constantly be pushing yourself to be better or improve. It's a much less effective way of going about it. The second is to create connection. Most humans feel very disconnected these days. That's incredibly stressful for a system. If you look at the longest study that Harvard ever did is still doing, they can tell you that connection is what creates the best lives, the happiest lives, the longest lives. And so that sense of connection really important and a lot of people were losing the ability to do it. And definitely, even if you have three or four or five friends, which is more than the average American, and you definitely, a lot of people do not have the level of friendship that they want or they're really scared of it. So that's another. Or even with their husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend. And so that's the second thing. And then the third thing is about emotions, that most of our stress also comes from the fact that we're holding our emotions back. So if everybody in the audience right now, if I said to you stop feeling and you actually try it, so go ahead and take this as an experiment for a minute and then really just try to stop all of your emotional experience, what you'll notice is that your body had to tense to do it. You have to constrict. And that is stress. And so we don't have that emotional clarity and that emotional fluidity. Instead, we're doing emotional management. So for us, these are the things. It's like we're moving from self improvement to self understanding. We're moving from emotional management emotional to emotional clarity or emotional fluidity. And so that's, that's. I would say that's generally it.

Very well articulated. Thanks for folks that on that last piece. Yeah, what's, what's the issue with self improvement?

Why.

Why is self understanding preferable to self improvement?

Mostly tactically, it's just. Well, outside of being more enjoyable, it's also just tactically better. So for instance, if I said to everybody, list out the five things that you've told yourself you should do but you haven't done in the last five years, you know, like eat more, less, exercise more or less, you know, have more friends, be nicer to your partner, whatever those things are. I can tell you that every one of those things you're telling yourself you should do it, you're trying to shame yourself into doing it. And so if you look at it and just go, oh, wow, like, like, oh, everything I shame myself to do actually doesn't, doesn't work, right? Or at least all the stuff that doesn't work is something that I shaved myself to do. And it just becomes really clear that it's a very ineffective way of, of doing it. Most people, you know, feel like they're behind. You know, they're like, I'm behind because I don't have this job or this girlfriend or this, or this, you know, opportunity or this friend group or whatever. And, and when you feel like you're behind and you're shaming yourself like that, you, you know, typically people all stay behind. It just doesn't, doesn't work. And so as compared to understanding yourself, it just works a lot better. And, and if you and if that's still hard to grok, then just think of it this way. You're negative self talk. And typical human being has 50 to 60,000 thoughts a day. Most of them are repetitive, most of them are negative. So just imagine you're working at your desk and your boss is sitting next to you and it's like, wow, you didn't do that right. You could do that better. Why haven't you made more of yourself? And just talking to yourself like that, like, can you imagine how effective you would be? It would, it's just effective. Exactly. But somehow when you do it to yourself, you're like, I have, I lose that. I'm, I'm done for. I'm just gonna move to Costa Rica and fuck off for the rest of my life.

So yeah, the other thing that I'm curious about is. So you kind of spoke to how a lot of people feel like they're in some form of like hyper vigilance. There's some kind of like background stress loop running in their system.

Yeah.

And you talked about how, if I heard you right, enjoyment, connection, and basically emotional fluidity as being like three, three ways out of that kind of consistent like stress state.

Yeah, those are the, I would say those are far less symptomatic and far more the causes.

So this is maybe a big question, but like how, how would you. Or maybe a better question is like, what experiment might you run for someone who's looking to get a little bit more enjoyment and connection in their life? Maybe 10% less, like I want to run away and 10% more connection with others and a visceral sense of actual enjoyment in their lives.

Yeah, I mean the easiest simple experiment to run is call it connection. The easiest experiment to run is to improve the connection with yourself. Typically if you improve connection with yourself, you'll improve it with others, but either way this will work, which is basically just ask yourself, how can I feel more connected right now by 5%, 10%, 10% more connected right now. And if everybody runs that experiment just in the next 10 seconds, how do you feel more connected right now? Immediately shifts. And the cool thing is that my ability to connect with you has nothing to do with you. If anybody's been to any of our workshops, you can see people get angry at me. Like the in person ones, people get angry at me and like, it doesn't stop my connection. People have all sorts of stories, doesn't stop my connection. I, I can walk down the street and feel a deep sense of connection. So it's learning how to feel that sense of connection. And then the same question can happen, like right now between us. I can say, oh, how do we connect just 5% more? And that usually is something like a expression of vulnerability or move into wonder. If I'm trying to get you somewhere, it's less connected. If I'm being partial about the outcome of our conversation, it's less connected. If I'm not empathizing, empathetic, it's less connected. If I have less wonder. If I think I know you instead of, like, wonder about you, it's less connected. If I'm. If I have a wall up and I'm protecting myself against you, it's less connected. So you can just use that as well. We call that view in our work. But vulnerability, impartiality, empathy, and wonder. And you can just use those things to create a little more connection between everybody that you're interacting with.

Okay, beautiful. And then maybe this question will be a nice segue into the coaching, but we're exploring emotions in this week in the course in nsm.

And.

I think the question that has come up a lot and is very common in a lot of folks here is what is it that gets in the way of emotional fluidity? What is it that gets stuck about emotions? And how can we approach that?

There's a. There's several things that get stuck. The first one is the. The nervous system response to emotions. So typically, people have learned that they will get punished or love will be removed if they have certain emotions. So when you were a kid, if you cried, love was removed, or you were abandoned, or you were told to stop crying, or you were made fun of, or you were fed so that you didn't have to cry, right? So you have a nervous system response just like touching a hot stove. Oh, if I have an emotion and I'm going to get love removed or I'm going to get hurt. Like, your body's like, nope, don't do that. So there's that thing. And so the way to transform that most rapidly is to have an emotion with people who love you and aren't punishing you for having that emotion. Like, that's a really good way to do that three or four times. And it. And your nervous system starts reacting differently to it. That's one. There's the second one is the head really does not understand that. And the prefrontal cortex does not understand emotions. It's really, really bad at it. If you just look at the literature of, like, how much psychological neurological literature is about thoughts and how much is about emotions? It just tells you, like, it's not even interested. And it says, you know, the mind says things like, well, that's not rational. Yes, it's a emotion. It's not supposed to be rational. Or you shouldn't feel that way, or like, the best one I like is when people go, I can't feel an emotion. And it's like, well, that's, that emotion is numbness, apparently. Like there, there's, there's every moment of every day you're having an emotional experience. The question is, have you learned to attune to your emotional experience? And so, so listening to your thoughts around your emotion rather than your body is, is also a really big issue. The, the, the, the last issue is that sometimes your body is like, needs to like, fake it to make it. Like your body actually needs to relearn. Oh, this is what crying is. This is what getting angry is because it just hasn't done it. And as soon as it's done it, like, if as soon as it allow you allow that expression in a way that doesn't hurt anybody, in a way that doesn't create shame, if you allow that expression, your body starts to remember. And if you do that three or four times, then your body knows how to take it from there. It'll just do its job. Yeah, but it's literally in the mind goes, how do I have emotions? And it's kind of like asking, how do I go to the bathroom? Like, go ahead and explain that to somebody. You know what I mean? You just relax here and you tighten.

Here and you know, I mean, there's a process involved.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, okay. Well, that's a great, that's a great segue, Sarah. Do you want to. I'll just add you to the spotlight. Would you like to give folks a little bit of context as to some of the protocols for the coaching and how people can make the most of this experience?

Yeah, definitely. Thanks, Johnny. Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm the course manager with aoa. I see some of our people here. I see some people who actually just finished up a course with us. So good to see you all this morning. As we move into the rapid coaching with Joe, just a couple of things for you. First and foremost, Joe does not read the chat. He never reads the chat. But I do. I definitely do. The other thing about the chat that I want to mention is that during these rapid coaching sessions, we ask that the chat stays quiet. And there's just a couple of reasons for this. One is that it's very distracting for those of us that are watching and also for the person that's going through the session to have those notifications popping up. But the other one is that oftentimes when these sessions are going on, there might be something that resonates with you. So to a degree that can create some discomfort and an urge to use the chat as this nice little like escape hatch to create a little bit of distance from the experience. So we ask that if you notice that impulse, just hold it, sit with it with a little bit of gentle curiosity and stay present within the session. I know we have a lot of people that like to take notes and things like that as well. Johnny, we are recording this, so they're going to be able to rewatch this later, right? Okay, perfect. I would say leave notes until you can re watch and just try to stay present within the session. Joe, I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh, last thing around the chat. So the sessions can be intense, certainly, and really vulnerable. And the people who are coming up here doing us a great service by sharing that experience with us. Any messages of love, appreciation, support that you want to put in? We just ask that you hold it for, in between sessions. Because for someone who's just come and done one of these one on sessions with us and we've all been able to witness it, to see the chat kind of like bloom with all of this love and appreciation is really a great way to start any integration that's going to happen after the session.

All right, that sounds right.

Okay. And I'll be taking care of spotlighting folks. So, Johnny, you had people submit some questions beforehand, I think.

Yeah. So a lot of people have submitted questions and I think last time Joe just kind of chose people. So I can choose or Joe can choose, whatever.

Yeah, I would, I would love to see a show of hands and then I can just choose based on what I see. That would be great. Thank you.

I'm going to remove the spotlight so that Joe can get a good view of the gallery. So if you submitted a question ahead of time. Beautiful. Yeah. Just raise those virtual hands. Your reaction button down at the bottom of your zoom screen is where you can find the button to raise your virtual hand and Joe will call on you.

Leslie, Eddie, Elizabeth, Zach, Tamara, Adam, Guy, Richard, Liz, Mark, Mike, Maria, Jacob.

Let's start with Liz. Hey, Liz.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good. Can't hear you so well though.

Can you say can you hear me now?

Yeah, that's better. Thank you.

Okay, thanks.

Yeah, hey.

Hey.

How are you?

I'm good. Nice to meet you. Where are you. Where are you located? That looks like an office. You have, like, office plants behind you.

I'm a coach.

Okay.

I'm in New Jersey at the beach.

All right, cool.

Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. You have plenty of privacy there. You're not feeling at all okay? Cool.

Completely feeling very anxious. I wasn't expecting to go first, but thank you. It's an honor.

Yeah.

In preparation for today, I started watching some of your coaching videos, and they were really wonderful. And I watched one about when will I be enough for, like, to be in a relationship?

Yeah.

And it resonated with me a lot, particularly because my reason for joining Notion Mastery is really want to try to utilize this to be able to be present around my family of origin.

Okay.

But there's a lot of trauma and.

Gotcha.

When I was.

Can you.

Can you give me the question?

Sure. The question was basically if I'm trying to use this practice and connect with my family as a way of avoiding being in relationship because I feel like I'm not good enough yet.

You. So what's the. I'm sorry, can you restate what's the question?

Sure.

I'm sorry. I'm wondering if I have some feelings like I'm not good enough, so I'm avoiding finding a partner.

Okay.

And I'm wondering if I'm using some of this work and trying to connect with my family as a way to put that off.

Oh, I see. And what would make you think that you're not trying to heal the relationship with your family so that you're a better partner or more capable, more loving? More. Yeah, Less.

Because I feel like that was the reason a few years ago when I started the work.

Okay.

And now I'm wondering why I'm kind of still stuck in this. I'm still not good enough for that yet.

Okay. So if you were to look into your past and you were going to say, I learned X, Y, and Z about loving relationships either because of the way my parents related to each other or whoever they were married to or slept with or whatever related to each other or by the way that I was taught love is, by the way I was treated by my parents, what did you learn about relationships that you don't fucking want to repeat ever?

Most of what my parents did.

Yeah. So give me. Give me some, like, the top. Top three. Give me the top three hits.

I have to be, like, perfect to be loved. It's probably the biggest one.

Right. So. So, so the idea is that you taught, you were taught that love is criticism. That's what. Is that basically what I'm hearing?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. So, right, so you're obviously a beautiful woman. You definitely are intelligent. You like, there are much uglier women who are much less intelligent, who are much less capable, who are in marriages. Right. Who are like, so. Right. So. So the, the other possibility is that you're saying to yourself subconsciously, oh, I want love, but I don't want a relationship where I'm fucking criticized. And that's all I know, love to be. Yeah, right. What just happened in you?

I was like, well then I'm just criticizing myself before I can let that even happen.

Right. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. So self criticism, which is this constant doubt and second guessing. Am I doing this right? Am I doing that right? Am I good enough? Am I valuable enough? What would be required for that to stop?

I would have to love myself the way that I am.

You literally had a look of disgust when you said, love myself. You mean I might have to treat myself the way that I always wanted to be treated by my parents?

Yeah, it feels like selfish.

I want to, I want you to imagine for a minute that you have a kid and you're like, baby, you got this baby in your arms and you look down at it, you're like, not enough.

It seems absurd, right?

So at what age are you allowed to look at your kid and go, not enough?

Wow.

Because the evolution never ends, right? Your parents are still not, you know, still improving or whatever, changing. So at what point is it fair to be like, not enough?

I don't think there is a point where that's fair.

So how is it fair for you? Yeah, when do you want, when do you want to stop evolving? How old do you want to be when you've stopped evolving?

Like, never. That's one of my core values.

Okay, so then, then how are you ever going to be enough? Like, what's the line that you get to stop?

There isn't one because I just keep changing it.

Yeah. So your self love is self criticism right now. Right. Is there anything that the negative voice in your head is saying to you that behind it isn't actually loving? Want something better for you?

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Yeah. So you have all this negative self talk. Can you do me a. Just, can you do me a favor? Because it'll, it'll help our thing. We're going to pivot for a second. Just say, just say, fuck you, Joe. I'm not sorry.

Fuck you, Joe. I'm not sorry.

Okay, great, thanks. The, the. The. The question was. Now maybe I've lost the question. The. Where. What were we?

Something about, is there anything behind. I don't know if it was. Is there love behind the criticism?

Oh, yeah, that's exact. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. So this criticism, like, is there any of it that's not. That somewhere back there has your best intention in mind? It's abusive, it's shitty, but is there anyone, anything that it says that isn't, like, trying to help you become better in a totally dysfunctional way, but still helping you?

Yeah, I feel like I have to really try intellectually to be like, no, I am good enough. I am good enough. All of those things.

But I.

Absolutely, absolutely. But, but all the criticism, does it have an actual good intention behind it even though it's up?

Yeah, I feel like some of it.

Probably give me one that isn't.

Like, one that isn't.

That has no good intention behind. It's just sadistic as.

That I'm, like, broken and that it's too late.

Okay, so you get this voice that says you're broken and that's too late. And is that not to just prevent you from feeling disappointed? Like, what's the intention?

I don't know.

Let's ask. Yeah, so your voice in your head is talking to you. Let's talk to it for a minute. Hey, voice in the head. What. What would make you say that Liz is broken and. And it's too late? What's the. What's the purpose behind that? What's your intention? Now you're, you're, you're, you're. You're thinking to yourself, yeah, I know.

Okay, what's the purpose behind telling myself I'm broken?

But I'm not asking you, Liz. I'm asking the voice in your head.

Okay, yeah.

So, boys, in your head, hey, critical person who's constantly barking at Liz, what makes it that you would say that to her?

Yeah, that. Protect her from going through what. Yeah, she went through as a kid, I guess.

Yeah. So it's all. There's underneath all this bullshit, this very misguided attempt is love. So you still know love to be criticism?

Yeah.

Yeah. So my question is, what. What to the voice in your head, what would. What would. What would be required to actually treat Liz? Well, to treat her the way she's wanted to be treated as a kid?

She'd have to be better.

So is there any time in Liz's life where she isn't Getting better.

When I try to reengage with my family, and I feel like I'm moving backwards because the boundaries I put in to protect myself.

Yeah.

Like I'm taking them away.

Gotcha. Right. How about her boundaries with you?

I think same thing.

Oh, cool. What's the boundaries? What's the voice in the head? What's the boundaries you want Liz to have with her family and with you? Because it's the same behavior.

Yeah.

I'm asking the voice in the head, what's the boundary you want Liz to have with people who criticize her as a form of love?

To not engage with them.

Oh, cool.

She's able to.

Right? So you're. You're literally asking Liz to not engage with you.

Yeah. This is gross, you girls.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah. Unfortunately, not engaging isn't a great solution. So let's. Let's. Let's try something different. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to listen to the voice in your head speak, and I just want you to say, ouch. Every time it says something that's meant out loud.

Ouch. Yeah, Ouch. Ouch. It's not saying anything. Nice.

Yeah. Great take. Keep going. Keep going.

Ouch. Ouch.

Liz, it's slowing down.

Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? So the issue that you've been having is with your family and with the voice in your head, is that the way you're reacting to it, not the way that it is?

Yeah.

Right. What's happening? You see something. There's like, you want to cry, but you're on camera. Like, I see the whole thing, but, like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, what's happening? It makes. I mean, it all makes sense when you put it that way. And then it's just like, God, was 20 years of therapy not enough? Like, when that's the voice in the head.

Ouch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what just happened is, in one minute, you started saying ouch, and the voice in the head slowed down, and you're not like, holy. I just found the key. You're, like, criticizing yourself.

Yes.

Yeah. That's just one experiment. What's another experiment you could do to change the way the voice in the head is speaking to you or to just react to it differently?

I think I could talk out loud. Like, respond to it out loud.

Let's do it.

To talk in my head.

Let's do it. Close your eyes. It'll say something. Your job is to respond. You don't have to say what it Says just respond. Yeah.

That's not true.

So do it with a big open heart though. No defense.

Okay.

Just try. It's just like a little kid having a temper tantrum. That's all the voice in your head is. Just treat it like a little kid who's like, didn't get his cookie.

Yeah.

Like.

Or her cookie. Excuse me.

I totally understand why you feel that way. But you're safe now. You are loved.

Yeah.

Everything is okay.

Wow. Check that out. That's two experiments for a. Two for two. There's like a thousand of them.

Amazing.

Yeah. This is the same with your family. There's a thousand experiments you can run for this.

Yeah.

But as long as you feel like criticism is love, why the would you want it from a man? What would make you want to, like, enter a loving relationship that is just constantly criticism. Who. Who. Who on earth would want that?

Like, it's like the only should left. Like when you're saying this, it's the only. It's like, I should have that. I should already have my husband. I should already have that. And it makes so much sense that that's because it's coming. I don't actually mean it.

Yeah. Okay. You want it, but you also don't. Same time. Yeah. So you're doing this.

Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. Oh, yeah.

Like that.

Anxious avoidant.

That's right.

This is gonna be painful to watch back.

What. What would make that so I have nothing but admiration for. You're about to see. Because we're about to end. You're about to see this whole thing bloom in front of you of people who were impressed and learned a lot from the situation. What would. This is the same thing. This is another ouch moment or another. I see that you're scared.

Right?

Yeah.

And that you're not alone.

Yeah.

Will help.

Yeah. So we're going to do our last experiment with the voice in the head. This time, out loud, you're just going to say. Every time it talks, you're just going to say. You're going to say. I see that you're scared and I'm right here with you.

Okay.

You're not trying to fix it or improve it. You're just saying. I see that you're scared and I'm right here with you.

I see that you're scared and I'm right here with you.

Yeah. This time mean it.

Don't.

Don't do it. Don't do it properly. Just do it. Like. Like you wanted to be treated when you were three years old and being Criticized.

I see that you're scared and I'm right here with you I see that you're scared and I'm right here with you. Right here with you. I'm right here with you.

Yeah, look at that. What's to resist in the voice in your head when you treat it like that? What a pleasure, Liz. Thanks. Thanks for being the first. Cool. All right, let's go for Zach.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Zach. Where are you located?

I'm in San Francisco.

All right, we're pretty close.

Where are you at?

Sonoma County.

Nice.

By the ocean? Yeah. What's going on, man? What's the. What's. What's the hubbub?

Yeah, well, my heart is racing.

Hi.

For about the longest, as long as I can remember, I. I take things very personally and as if they're my fault.

That's because you're weak and wrong. Wait, you didn't take that personally. You just laughed at me or your something. You just laughed. I thought you were baiting me to say you, Joe. Well, isn't that what everybody' doing, Zach?

Seems unreasonable.

Well, to give me an example of what would make somebody say that, that isn't actually just trying to reify their shame. All right.

What's an example of somebody.

Criticizing you or baiting you or that isn't just them trying to reify their shame? I see.

So what I really meant with my quest, I'm a bit thrown off because what I really meant to express was that people have ambiguous expressions that aren't actually meant to be, like, against me.

Yeah. But I will.

I will take them personally, and then I will assume that they're my fault and take the blame for them.

Yeah, I got it. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, let's say they're intentional. Your issue is, oh, I just need to see them as unintentional. I'm saying, fuck that. Let's assume they're all intentional. What's the fucking problem? You just given me 20 facial expressions. Let's assume like one of them was, you don't understand me. You didn't listen well enough. Let's just assume that for a second. What's the problem with any of those?

What's the problem with another person's expression?

Let's say the expression is meant to tell you that you up.

Makes me feel like I'm wrong and bad.

Okay, but what. What makes you. That's the question. What makes you. What makes you think that somebody being mad at you is a problem? It makes. Is a problem, let alone Your problem.

Doesn'T feel safe.

Yeah. So that's. This is what I saw the first time. There's this place that you start going right now. I want you to go all the way there. That big lack of safety place that you think that you're. Yeah. So you're still resisting it. I want you to literally step right into the center of that thing that you're avoiding. Yeah. What's happening now? It looks you. Like you transition. It looks like you transition from not feeling safe to actually feeling a little spacious.

That's exactly the word in my mind.

Yeah. Check that out. What if that lack of safety is actually your avenue to peace.

By following that feeling every time.

Yeah. Instead of avoiding it. If that feeling arises in you and you're like, oh, that's not a safe feeling. If that feeling arises in you and you're like, cool, I'm going to go jump in there.

The power.

That's safety. Yes.

I put all the energy up into avoiding it, which is what gave it so much power over me.

That's right. Yeah. So do me a favor. We could end right there because you. You like. You. You. You see the avenue. Yeah. Great. I'm glad you're heating up. What I want you to do is I want you to actually maintain eye contact with me for just a. Just a bit. We're going to maintain eye contact. And if I do any. Anything that triggers any emotional facial expression that triggers that lack of safety, I want you to just step right into the center of it. Do you understand what I'm fucking saying? I want you to just jump right into the fucking center of it. If it. If what? Anything that I do happens to trigger the. Okay, fine. Look at you. Okay, so me, you can kind of know that I'm acting, but I want. Instead. And I would just scan some of these people with their hands raised or whatever. Look at their expressions. There's somebody there who authentically is judging the shit out of you right now. Look at that smile. There it is again. Yeah. See if you can find one and see if you can jump right into that feeling. Oh, my God. Okay, now it's moving from spaciousness to love. Look at you. That's some quick going on. What a pleasure, Zach.

Thank you.

You're welcome. See what we got going on here? Maria, what's up?

Hey, Joe.

How's it going? Good, how are you?

I can't see you.

Somehow you disappeared from my screen.

They do that so that I always end up in the right spot so that I can see you. Face to face in my camera. Okay, cool. Where are you located?

I am in Easton, Connecticut.

Eastern Connecticut. Like Middlebury, that kind of thing? Darien?

No, but close to Fairfield.

Westport.

Okay. And my mom used to teach at Fairfield University when I was a kid. Oh, wow. The Jesuit school there.

That's right.

It was a Jesuit school. I forgot about that.

Sacred Heart.

Yeah. Something. I don't know. Yeah, it's another college. I think it's called Fairfield. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, there's also that.

Yeah.

Cool. So what's up?

So my question was, I think a little unorthodox. Wasn't really a question. I listened to your conversation with Johnny that you guys recorded, I think, as.

A.

NSM podcast or whatever it was.

Okay. I have a memory like a goldfish, so I probably can't remember almost any of it, so go ahead.

Okay.

Yeah.

So in that podcast, you guys talked about how you have, over years of practice, grown this ability to kind of read a person from just there. And I'm gesticulating a lot, so now I'm like, you're reading me for sure.

I did before I picked you.

Oh, there we go.

Okay. Yeah, that's my job.

So I was curious, you know, as a fellow coach, I'm just curious, like, what does that look like? What does it feel like to also be on the receiving end? And so I've kind of put my hand up as an experimental bunny for you to be able to do that. And then potentially we could. Whatever comes up, we could dive into that as an object of coaching. But, yeah, I just thought that would be such a cool thing to do.

So the question is, how does it feel to do it? Or how.

No, there is no question.

Like, you and Joe.

Oh, you're saying you want me to read you and then.

Like a magic trick or something?

Yeah, it's not really how it works. That's not how the system works. Okay. Because the. The. The thing that you're talking about is, like, way in the background, in the foreground is unconditional love. And. And for me, the only way that love would allow me to do that work is if you have a question, because I'm following you. I'm not following me and my wisdom or my observations like, that there's nobody but you who knows the right next step for your life or the thing that you need to address. Like, and. And that unfolding is like, I'm not going to pull a butterfly out of a cocoon up his wings and make it die like that. There's Nothing unconditional love would do around that. So for me, it's. It's. The most important thing is just to be in that unconditional love space here and almost anywhere. And then when love says, oh, this is the right time to. To work on this, because they want to work on this, then I do that.

Okay. So if so, then I need to come up with a question on the spot.

No. I'll call you again in a minute. Okay. We'll come back to you. Yeah.

All right.

Sounds good.

Giannis. Hello. How's it going, man? How are you?

I'm good.

Good.

Thanks for picking me.

Yeah. What's going on, man?

Yeah.

Is your computer easily movable?

Yeah.

Can you move it just away from the light a little bit so that I have a clear. Yeah. There you go. Great. Good to see you.

Okay.

What's up? Good to see you too.

So I'm a brief reminder. I started to be a medical doctor. It was just out of pleasing my parents and my trauma was up to my head. So I. I've taken a two year sabbatical right now, and I'm really reconnecting with my artistic side, which is what I want to do with my life. I sing, I write music, and I draw comics. And so that's what I'm passionate about. At the same time, I feel kind of stuck because I don't have a relationship with money. Like, my relationship with money is so bad still my bad. And support me. And so I don't like that.

Cool. Yeah.

Great.

You must like it on some level.

Yeah.

So what. What makes you like. What makes you like it?

I think it protects me from going out there in the world and not making as much money as I would like to at the rate I would like to fail or something like that.

So that sounds like. What's bad about being supported? What's good about being supported?

It's good to feel cared for once, and instead of having my wish denied, I'm supported in being an artist, which is really new to me.

Ah, cool. So tell me about a world in which you are successful at art and not being supported as an artist.

By my parents, you mean?

No, I mean you're getting picky on who supports you in your art. But I'm just asking you, generally, can you be a successful artist and not be supported in your art? Is there any world where. No. Not even make money. Is there any artist who's like, I have never. Nobody has ever supported me in my art. Has that ever happened? Nobody buys my paintings, nobody Puts like, no museum supports me. Like, how does this. How does art work without somebody being the patron or many people being the patron?

Yes, I. I see your point. And at the same time, what's. What's really alive right now is the same that I have for allowing my parents to support me until I make it. And.

Okay, yeah, cool. So can you describe generally your relationship with money right now? $0.03.

So it's just. Yeah, like, just asking my parents for money.

Now. What's your relationship with money? CP I would say I need some details. When you see money, what happens? What's your reaction when you look in your bank account? Like, how do you. How do you react with money? How do you relate with money?

Yeah, like, terror. When I see my bank account just dropping.

Yeah.

And like. Yeah, terror and terror.

Crime.

Terror. Like a feeling in my stomach that's empty and maybe squeezing, like, yeah, I'm going to die or something like that.

Okay, cool. Yeah. And so how is it that you just haven't switched the relationship with your parents, being a doctor, trying to please them and feeling that terror with the terror of the bank account? Like, how is your relationship different with money than it was with your parents?

I'm trying to get your point, but can you rephrase the question?

Yeah. You're relating to money. My assumption is you're relating to money the same way that you've related to your parents or one of your parents. And I'm asking you, how is that not true? To see if it's true or not.

So I've heard about that idea from you before. I tried to see it intellectually, as we are talking. I can relate to the terror I had of my father, like, being an authority that.

Well, there's two. One is you're relating to the one, you're making money your authority. The second one is you're relating to the authority with terror, particularly when it removes itself from you. Love. Removes love from you.

Yeah, I can. I can. I can feel that. It's. It's intensifying the feeling in my belly.

Yeah. It's also preventing you from doing what you want to do, which is the same thing your parents did with the medical career. It's also an oppressor, just like your parents were.

So money is preventing me from doing what I want to do.

Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Feel. Feel that thing. And you have taken your relationship with your dad and you just pointed it towards money.

Okay. Now I can feel rates coming up, like. And it's. It has the same taste. Like.

Yeah.

The rates towards my father, like, towards my money that I cannot. I cannot get it. Like, I cannot. Yeah, I cannot receive it, or. There is a mystery behind that.

Yeah, there it is. Yeah. You're treating money like your father, and money's acting like your father. How about that? If I treated you like my father, you'd probably start acting like my father too. Janice, did you freeze? Did we lose this in the middle of the. Oh, goodness.

With my father will have an effect on my relationship with money.

I'm sorry, you cut out. Can you say it again?

Yeah. So the question is, like, I'm working on my relationship with my father and relating to him differently, and so that will start shifting my relationship with money, or I need to work directly in my relationship with money.

How do you want to. So right now you're treating money like your father, and money's acting like your father. How do you want to treat money? Everybody here on the call treats money differently. It's absolutely up to you how you treat money.

Yeah, you could.

You could take the step of healing your relationship with your dad, or you could actually use money to heal your relationship with your dad by changing your relationship with money. Mm.

Yeah.

So.

So the instinctive, like, the first thing that comes up, I want to exact revenge on money because of what it has done to me. So.

It hasn't done to you, man, you've done it to it. You stuck money in this box that looks like your dad. You think you want exact revenge on it? It wants the exact revenge on you, bro. Ah, man, I can't do this with the freezing. Oh, I thought you were freezing again. Okay.

No, no, I'm just.

Yeah. How. How do you want to. How do you want to be with money?

I mean. Yeah, ideally, I would like to be in a loving relationship and it flowing with me and getting me getting rewarded for my creative work with money.

And you want money rewards you.

No, no, get rewarded. Like, money be the kind of reward that ensues from me doing what I love. And.

How is that not being rewarded by money?

It's rewarded.

It feels like a very conditional love. I want to have a loving, flowing relationship with money where it pays me. That still feels like your dad a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, my relationship with my dad was transactional, so.

Yeah, sounds like you want that same transactional relationship with money.

Yeah. I mean, what. What else kind of relationship can you have with money if not transactional?

Like, think about money as just this, like, force in the universe that makes shit happen. That's relatively Neutral, but everybody projects shit on it. There's absolutely people who use money in a non transactional way.

Okay, that's new to me.

Like right now you're using money as a way to feel care.

On a big. On a big. On a big part. I am actually. And yeah, yeah, you putting words to it makes sense.

So close your eyes for a minute and instead of asking your head, ask your heart. Your head is very confused right now. I see it. Ask your heart, what's the relationship it wants to have with money?

So I see my heart and money having hands and legs and walking side by side and maybe having a loving relationship of being with friends and having mutual support.

Yeah, beautiful. How much of that is a relationship you want to have with your dad?

I mean, I would love to. It just feels like in another life or something like that.

So it's right. What's the last thing you did to support your dad?

I went to his birthday like two days ago.

That support. Come on. What's the last thing you've done to support your dad? He clearly needs it. When's the last time you asked your dad, how can I support you?

Like, there's a part of me that doesn't want to go there. It's like there is resentment still, even though we've made progress. Like, the last thing I did to support him in a sense was maybe mirror him. That when he was expressing his feeling instead of controlling, I rewarded that behavior. Like I told him, okay, but he always portrayed this image that I don't need support, I'm always good. So it feels unnatural for me to ask that. Or too vulnerable maybe.

Yeah, how about that? You want a relationship with. With money and with your dad and. And it doesn't feel natural because you've never had it before and there's still resentment there. That's what I just heard. So you're agreeing to being in your end of this dynamic instead of changing it. How do you support money? How do you support your dad? There you go. There it is.

I have no idea.

But immediately notice how the power dynamic just changed. That's it, man. This is the way you don't agree to the power dynamic. This is it. Good to see you, sir. Good to see you. How are we doing on time, Sarah?

We got about 23 minutes left, Joe.

Oh, wow. Apparently efficient today. Oh, I don't see her hand up. So I'm assuming she has not come up with a question yet. And we are going to go to Leslie. Hey, Leslie, how's it going?

It's Good, good. Excuse me. I appreciate it.

You're welcome. Where are you?

I'm in my house.

Where is your house? Santa Cruz.

Yeah.

All right. Great place. What's going on?

I. I mean, my question was about self worth.

And what's your question now?

Yeah, it's specifically around, like, an anxious attachment and self worth with people that I like really deeply love. It's a fear of loot, of loss.

Is it happening right now?

There's an intensity happening.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's probably the same thing.

Yeah. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's treat this intensity the way that you want to be treated. So you're scared of getting pushed away, but you're pushing away this intensity often. You're not right now, but you were a second ago.

I was trying to stay with. Stay with what's happening between us and. Yeah. It takes me away from myself, what's happening inside of me.

Yeah. So just see what it's like to just hang out with this anxiety of being left or being rejected.

Yeah. I think right now it's about being seen at all. Yeah.

But when is it not always just about being seen?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Yeah. Look, I saw you. It just happened.

Yeah. It feels like a pounding heart and just like a little. Yeah, I get like a little airy.

Great, let's hang out with that. Feels like it's pretty enjoyable. Like, how is this not excitement?

I guess because there's, like a point that I feel like that I'm supposed to be going, and so it feels like it's actually deterring. Deterring the point where.

What. What are we supposed. Where. Where are we supposed to be going? You're leaving me. Don't leave me. Don't leave it. And just tell me where you're. Where you're supposed to be going. Where this is supposed to be going.

Yeah, I guess anywhere that's not here. Anywhere that's not that. Yeah. That anxiety.

Yeah. Or excitement. I don't have any problem with your anxiety. I see that. It's like a deeply alive thing in you. You're also welcome to have a major problem with it if you'd like. That's fine. I don't have any problem with that.

Yeah.

I think it's always just been too. Too much or too big. I think that's.

You mean life is too much or too big? Or do you mean being seen as too much or too big or being loved is too much, too big? Which one is.

It goes through me. The expression that flows through me.

Your expression is too big.

Yeah. This energy, I think, is too much. There's a really deep belief that it's that, like. Yeah. When. Even when you say, like, it's not too much for me, I'm, like, not really hearing that.

Okay, so then just say, joe, you're lying to me. I am too much for you.

I don't believe that either.

Great. It's too much for you, apparently. I don't think it actually is, but that's the story. You're projecting that onto me. Yeah. Let's see. Let's see if you can. Let's see if this energy can get so big that it bothers me. I'll even sit back. I'll even lock in.

Yeah. I can feel, like, a tightness in my throat and that invitation and kind of like a shakiness and my lower body.

What is. What is. If you were to, like, allow that energy to speak, what would it say? Feel it and then let it speak.

I just want it to be easy. I just want to speak my truth and have it be easy.

That was pretty easy. What's next?

Yeah. That just feel easy?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's the resistance that's hard.

Yes.

It's the trying to get rid of it that's hard.

Yeah.

Like, wow, you've got. You're just, like, full of life, and you're just, like, clamping it down all the time. So let's go. Let's. Let's just let. Let the whole thing. Let for, like, two minutes in your life, let that whole anxiety thing run wild.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Just internally right now, just let it run wild. And then if it wants to speak, let it run wild.

I'm tired of being, like, chained down. I'm trying. I'm tired of trying to, like, act cool. Like, trying to be like, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just fucking and ball of energy all the time. Yeah. Yeah. But then that fear comes up around losing connection. I feel that coming up and that even in that expression, it's like, oh. But then nobody relates to that. That fear comes up.

Nobody relates to that. Show of hands. Oh, wait, we can't do that. Because, like, if you can just, like, put in the chat. I know we're not supposed to chat during this, but, like, why? For the fact. If you relate to this just so that she can. Yeah, nobody can relate to that. And who gives a if they can't? The only thing that's not relating to that is you. You're resisting it you're not relating to it. So take a moment and feel that anxiety and see what it's like to relate to it, to actually just be in a very open, allowing dialogue with it. Close your eyes. Do it like feel how it moves. Feel how it's like asking for expansion, how it's asking for breath. Don't try to control it. Like, this isn't like, okay, I'm going to breathe and I'm going to control my anxiety, which is, I mean, you're a little fucked because that's probably why you joined this course. And I'm, I'm going to. With that in a big way. Yeah. I want you like, open dialogue. It gets to be it. You get to be you.

Yeah, there's like, I'm tired of behaving. There's like a. I could feel it, like when the release of the clamping in my chest happens. I can feel it. I'm tired of behaving all the time.

Yeah. That would make you anxious. I have to behave all the time. Jesus Christ. What, how anxiety provoking is that? Yeah. Could you imagine me doing what I'm doing right now if I was behaving?

Yes.

This thing that you're calling anxiety is life and it is a huge gift. And, and you luckily get to feel like you are one of those people who really gets to feel life. So one, one last little trick just to, to, to put a, like a cherry on top. I, I know this is a weird question. I'm probably getting trouble for it, but have, have you ever had like, great sex? Okay, great. I want you to close your eyes and I want you to receive your anxiety like you're having great sex. Yeah.

Yeah. It's always felt like a place that I could really express it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, that's your, that's where you. That's where. That's how to relate to your anxiety. With the way your system is, it's like, it can be a little overwhelming, but then there's like this great release and you get like, you get expansive and it can like you disappear in it sometimes or it disappears in you sometimes. And. But the whole thing is pleasure because it's just this like sensation moving around your body.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So how do I relate to life and that. It's like so sexual. There's a part of me that represses that, like sexual energy flowing through me. I was raised.

Well.

Yeah, that's.

Yeah, don't worry about that. Because what happens is that the sexual thing is just the access point. It'll just kind of open up the channel and then the rest of the energy flows through it. So think about it like it's a drill and it's drilling down and then everything gets to come up.

Got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So instead of thinking about, just do it for a minute. Anxiety. You're receiving it, you're letting it. Yeah, yeah. There it is. You got it. Isn't that good? Yeah, yeah. Awesome.

Yeah.

Pleasure. Pleasure. That was great. Okay. How are we doing on time, Sarah? I can't believe this. We're just like.

You got about 10 minutes left, Joe. And I know there'll be some people who need to drop right at the 10 o'.

Clock.

I have to drop right at the 10 o'. Clock.

Unfortunately, you might be among them.

Yeah, unfortunately, today that is the case.

I am going to pop a couple of links into the chat where you please us for other experiences workshops that are coming up live. Q and as that are coming up with Joe and also with Tara Howley, the co founder of aoa. And a little bit of information about the next connection course that's coming up real soon here.

Tara is my wife. She's awesome.

She's so good. She's amazing. And we've only recently. I've only recently been able to like gently apply enough pressure where I'm getting her to do workshops more regularly so we get more Tara.

Yeah. JJ knows her. That's why he's excited. He knows what's. He knows what's there.

Yeah. She's incredible.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Do you want to tell them? I think that it feels there's a. We do have a connection course. It'll be the last one until the fall and you have to apply by what time, Sarah?

We have applications open until I believe April 16th and the course is kicking off on April 21st. It runs for three weeks. It is a course that's done live, it's experiential, it's not lecturing, it's not self paced. You actually show up for calls, you get partnered with someone, you get to do a bunch of exercises and experiments together. It's got over 95% completion rate and it is a really beautiful, wild ride. And if you're enjoying kind of what's happening here today in the being seen, that's happening for a lot of people that are coming up. Joe's great, but the material is so good that you get this type of experience within the connection course. So it's really about teaching that mindset that allows you to be with people that in the way that Joe is really mastered and that you're seeing on the call today.

Cool. Okay. Dia. Is that right?

Divya.

Divya. Sorry. It's very hard for me to read names in this contraption that I am using. Hi. Hi, Divya.

Hello, Joe. How are you?

I'm going to guess you're in San Francisco.

I am not. No, my zoom. If I bothered to take a picture of myself, I would put it up, but I had two options. This or grass. So.

Okay, where are you located?

In Dallas, Texas.

All right. I was just in Austin hanging out with J.J. and some folks.

It is a beautiful place.

Yeah, we actually had somebody come up for the day for just from Dallas. Drove like three hours or whatever it was. So what's going on? How can I help?

My question is, I.

You got really soft. Can you.

Yes. My question is, I, I. I wanted to know what the reason is why I struggle with making plans with friends or family. Even. Even if it's like a little plan to make with my little nieces or something, I. I stop myself from doing.

It and you stop yourself from making a plan or you stop yourself from executing on the plan or what? What do you mean?

Okay, an example is, even for my birthday, I wanted to ask some friends to, like, hey. To come up with a plan and to hang out with them. Like, for some reason, asking them to see if they want to hang out with me is like, a big stop. It doesn't make sense logically. I'm like, am I afraid of rejection?

Like, okay, so if your niece. If your nieces come to you and they're like, hey, auntie, I want to hang out with you on Tuesday and get some ice cream, you're gonna. Can you make that plan? Are you like, yeah. Cool.

Yes. If they say it, I'm all for. If someone else makes the plan, I'll do it. But okay, me to come up with a plan and to ask someone, hey, do you want to do this? It's a big stop. I don't get why.

Well, let's say you made the plan and they said yes, and then it was fucking a horrible day.

Yeah. That was one of the logical reasons for it. Like, hey, I'm afraid to disappoint them.

Cool. So how much of this is about rejection and how much of this is about afraid to disappoint them?

Almost like disappointing myself. Oh. Or not making a perfect plan? Even though there's no such thing as a perfect plan.

Right. As a matter of fact, perfect plans usually Suck.

Yeah.

I'm a. I'm a big no plan kind of person and they're often awesome.

That scares me to death. Even going on vacation, I need a day to day plan.

Day to day or hour to hour?

Not hour to hour, just at least I don't want to plan when I'm there because I feel like it's such a waste of time.

Gotcha.

When you're with someone or when you're on vacation.

Okay, so how would you disappoint yourself? I mean, because the weird thing is you're scared to disappoint yourself. Except for you disappoint yourself all the time. By not making the plan.

Yes.

So you're not that scared of disappointing yourself?

I'm constantly in it.

Yeah.

So your question was, how do I disappoint myself?

So you make a plan. How do you disappoint yourself?

By not asking.

No, let's say you ask and then you make a plan and then you disappoint yourself. How do you imagine that goes down? What would make you dis. Be disappointed in yourself?

Thing that comes up. Is there not being enough joy? Oh.

Like you have to. You have to be happy and joyful to hang out with. Yeah, I saw that.

Yeah.

Yeah. No wonder you don't want to make plans with people. It doesn't sound like fun. It sounds like obligation. Hey, you only way you get to hang out with people is if you're not authentic, not yourself. And you're always like happy and smiley. You're like.

Yeah, yeah.

This is actually nicer to be with than the fake happy thing. Like right now for me, this is nicer to be with. Is nicer to be with than the I'm going to constantly smile.

It's hard to believe it. It's hard to believe it.

Hard to believe what? That I want your authenticity over your fake Jo. Is that what's hard to believe? What's hard to believe.

Is that if I. If I want to be with someone I know myself, I'd rather have them the way they are.

Yeah.

Yeah. But for me, as a matter of.

Fact, you can't be with anybody unless you are the way you are. Otherwise, just. It's a fake, you being with them. Which is another great reason why you don't want to make plans. Because you're never getting love and accepted for who you are. You're getting love and accepted for who you're pretending to be. So you've got to be some way and you never get love and acceptance. Yeah. Why the Hang out with anybody.

I never tried. All right.

If you were trying, then you still wouldn't be being yourself.

I think I want more than anything to stop the judgments that I make of myself or others in the process. It's that resistance. I don't want to be with someone and then constantly fighting myself be like this. I should not be judging. I should not. So that I should.

How's that happening right now? You somehow don't have a problem with it Currently, you're doing it in front of a whole bunch of people. Right.

This is virtual. And everyone here is on the same plane of understanding. In a way.

Yeah. And. And if you're being yourself within a very short period of time, everybody in your life will be in the same plane. Like, how do you build a life that's authentic to you if you're not being authentic? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You keep on fading in and out and that's really messing with me. What's.

They won't want me.

So people who are sociopathic killers for religion called ISIS can find a community but you? Not possible. Awkward.

Yeah. It's illogical. I know it's illogical. And that frustrates me too.

Okay, so what's the emotion you're trying to avoid?

Judgment.

Okay, cool. How many times have you judged yourself in this call?

Not much.

How many times have you disappointed yourself in this call?

Not at all.

Oh, so being authentic is the way to avoid disappointment and judgment. At least in an n of 1. In an example of 1. This seems to be the way to do it. The idea is that if I'm authentic, I will like. Authenticity isn't the cure for disappointment and judgment.

Sorry, I did not comprehend that you.

Are currently being authentic. And there is a lack of judgment and a lack of disappointment. Therefore, one would think more authenticity would lead to less disappointment and less judgment. Your thesis has been if I'm authentic, I will be disappointed and judged. But what we know is that you're constantly disappointed and judging or judged and constantly being inauthentic. You're being Ms. Joy. So? So right now, all the evidence points to authenticity will create less disappointment and less judgment.

But what if the people I'm with, I cannot control their actions. I cannot control.

Well, what if the. What if you were being authentic and non judgmental? What would give me the worst thing a person would do?

Not like me.

Cool. Okay. I'm about to not like you. And you, your job is to be authentic. Your job isn't to worry about like Your job is just to be completely in your own truth. Can you do it? Let's see what happens. Yeah. Make sure you're close to the mic because you keep on fading. Fading.

I guess the biggest thought that's coming into my head right now is, this is not real.

Yeah, great. We're just. It's an experiment. I agree. We're. We're in a lab for sure. No doubt. Okay. But again, you are, like, doing whatever you can to escape the fact that you know that you're just supposed to be yourself and you know it, but you're. You're, like, listening to some brain that makes no goddamn sense. Stop it.

I wish. It's like I tell myself, this is not right.

Look, look, look. What just happened. That was you being authentic. Where's the disappointment? Where's the judgment? That was me not liking you, and that was your reaction. You didn't even think about. You totally forgot it was an experiment, and you just reacted with laughter, actual real joy. And you're like, I wish. Which is, by the way, a lot of like, if someone's like. Like, for instance, the other day, I was doing one of these things, and someone's like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm like, correct. I made this shit up, just like Jeff Bezos made up Amazon. I'm totally, absolutely. Tell me how I'm wrong. That's exactly how I handled it. Just like you.

By not.

I. Yeah, I missed that. That was an experiment. And I suppose the not knowing that it was an experiment, or at least in my mind, kind of freed me a bit more. Maybe we're analyzing being with. Well, no, I am overanalyzing being with people.

Yeah, you are. But what I'm noticing is that even when somebody doesn't like you, if you're authentic, less judgment, less disappointment.

So when.

When you're worried about who you're being, more disappointment, more judgment of yourself. I'm not making plans. I'm not doing this. When you're just being yourself, it all just disappears. Of course you're judging yourself because you're not being authentic. Of course you're disappointed in yourself because you're not being authentic. Who the fuck do you think walks around the world going, I am so fucking happy with myself because I'm inauthentic today? Yeah.

I don't get the word authentic. I genuinely don't get that word. What's your definition of authentic? I don't know. What does that word mean?

Means being yourself. I mean, Saying the things you want to say. Doing the things you want to do. Learning, growing, instead of worrying about being a certain way to please people.

So wait, so what? I'm.

Okay, hold on a second. Your confusion. I don't believe it. I don't believe your confusion. I don't think you believe it either.

I think I'm trying to figure out how to be in the moment.

The. So stop asking your head and go to your heart and tell me what's confused. Your thoughts are a magician distracting you from what's behind the curtain.

All I see is my hands banging on a door. All I see is my hands banging on a door.

Cool. Close your eyes again. Bang on the door. And now, viscerally, somatically, open the door. What was the wince?

I don't want to.

I. There's nothing I can do if you don't want to.

No, it's. It's. It's like I. I do. I feel an energy.

Yeah.

But I can't name it.

Correct. That's how this works.

What?

That's your head being the magician again. Your heart is either just going to open the door or not open the door. It's either going to feel that energy or not feel the energy. You don't get to understand it. That's not how this works. Well, you get to understand it, but it takes, like, a long time after you open the door. Oh.

Like when I'm with people, I should just feel that. No, I can feel the energy.

Forget about when you're with people. Just right now. Close the. Close your eyes. Open the door. You're banging on it for a reason.

Feels long lost.

Yeah. There's going to be some grief there, for sure. I'm sorry that you were told that you had to be happy to be loved when you were a kid. It's not true.

I think it was my way of connecting to people.

Of course. Yeah, it was a pretty good strategy. Just not full enough to be like, what you need now as an adult. Okay, I gotta run. Pleasure to be with you. You're welcome. Wow. Thank you, everybody.

Let's all close. Say, thank you so much, Joe. Three, two, one.

Thank you.

So much.

Thank you. Thank you, Johnny. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Sarah, for all the support you give.

Absolutely. Thanks, everyone.

Thanks, everybody. Bye.