Building Blocks to Better Aging: Overcoming Setbacks & Living with Purpose | Dr. Hugh Pates

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani. Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast, where we explore what it means to live longer and live well. I'm especially pleased today to be joined by my friend and colleague Dr. Hugh Pates, who's turning the tables and leading our conversation today. Hugh, thanks so much for doing this. I'm looking forward to our conversation.

I'm looking forward to exploring your history in being able to be so effective in helping people grow older.

That's great. Thank you for that. Very kind of you.

Joe, uh, you spent over 4 decades helping people understand aging From a psychological perspective. Now, what originally drew you to this work? What did you notice early on that shaped your thinking?

Well, I have to say, early in my work, especially in long-term care settings, nursing homes, I often saw how people would begin to pull back after a setback, maybe a new medical issue, a loss, a change in independence. It was easy to lose motivation and retreat. And to be fair, those are difficult adjustments. But what struck me was that we don't spend nearly enough time helping people work through that process, how to adapt, regain footing, and ask what's next. So we've learned a lot about how to live longer, but much less about how to manage the setbacks that come with it. That's really what led me to start the Living to 100 Club, bringing education and inspiration about aging well to people in the community.

You've written Living Longer Is the New Normal. What message were you trying to get across in that book that you wrote?

Well, here's a copy. Living Longer Is the New Normal reflects a simple but important shift. We're not just living longer, we're living into an entirely new stage of life. In the book, I challenge some of the outdated assumptions about aging, particularly the idea that it's defined mainly by decline. Instead, I focus on how people can remain engaged, purposeful, and resilient even as they face the inevitable changes that come with getting older. It draws on what I've seen so many years in clinical and community settings, how people respond to setbacks, how they adapt, and what helps them move forward.

Well, that, that's very interesting, and I'm sure you put some time and effort and a lot of thought into the book, and I think it's going to be very useful and helpful for individuals finding the new normal. So the book lays out the mindset But you didn't stop there. You began developing practical tools. Now, what led to that?

Well, you know, um, Hugh, it really came from what people would say after I gave a talk or after reading the book. They understood the ideas, but then they'd ask, what can I do with this? What do I do with these ideas? So I realized, and psychologists have known, that insight alone isn't enough to change behavior. People need simple, practical ways to apply these ideas in everyday life. And that's what led me to start developing tools to make it easier to turn these concepts into action, because that's where real change happens, not just an understanding, but what we can actually do.

I think that's what you do very well, is create practical opportunities for people. And what were you seeing today in senior communities or even within families that these tools are trying to address practically?

Well, you know, I'm seeing many activities are well-intentioned, right? I mean, but they don't go far enough. There's nothing wrong with games or mind games, puzzles, crafts, or even bingo. They have their place. But many adults are looking for something more, something that engages them on a deeper level. They want conversation, reflection, a chance to share experiences and feel heard. So the goal here is to move beyond just filling time to creating something more meaningful, because that's where engagement and really dignity come into play.

I couldn't agree with you more, and there's nobody that has done it so well as you have. Now let's start with your Card-based system that you created, Better, Longer, and Happier. What is it and how is it used?

Well, um, there are 12 decks, 12 card decks like this one. This happens to be number 3. Each, each module has 60 cards, and they're designed primarily for group settings in senior communities. So each card on 12 different topics introduces some different theme, something related to mindset, relationships, or adapting to change. So here's one card, for example, this is from Module 3 about thinking styles, how thinking styles can affect one's long-term outlook.

You know, if in a setting, what does a staff member use them in real time?

Yeah, so the idea is to create some meaningful discussion, some topic, and, you know, picture a small group, for example, Hugh, maybe 6 to 10 residents sitting together. A staff member would review the collection and select the discussion theme or topic, whatever was, uh, whatever seemed to be important for that particular day. They read a short prompt, something about a life experience of value, or a way of coping with changes. As an example, I can read this activity. It's called Write a Letter to Yourself. And each card has a QR code with more information. But here's the prompt. This exercise asks participants to put themselves one year into the future and writing a letter describing what they went through and accomplished over the past 12 months. Encourage them to highlight their challenges and struggles, plans and goals, different feelings and thoughts they experienced and how they fared. So they can share the letter or they can keep it to themselves, but the idea is to— let's look and review and let's see what we can, um, you know, highlight from my past and importantly how I, how I managed to successfully manage that stress or, uh, event in my life. So, uh, again, with 12 card decks, an activity section in each deck, there are about 180 activities to select from, 15 in each of the 12 decks.

Now, what makes these so significantly different from other activity materials that people might use?

Well, again, it's, it's meant to provide information, education, and an opportunity to stop and reflect about a particular theme. You know, the 12 12 decks cover, you know, overcoming depression, starting new chapters, um, neuroplasticity, uh, new opportunities in my future. So there's a whole slew of activities and educational cards for the activity, uh, planner or director. So, um, there's a lot of useful information in the card decks.

Well, uh, could you walk us through a typical set, what a typical session might look like.

Sure, yeah. Again, the person would pick a topic or a theme for that event for that day and review the cards, select a card. Some of the cards actually have, um, each card has a QR code, but some of the QR codes might link to a video, so they can bring in a video pertaining to a particular topic. And for example, this card is from Your Solution to Overcoming Depression, and the card has 5 one-minute habits to beat depression. It's a 10-minute video from a psychologist with a— is a very friendly educational resource, and it outlines quick steps to help us feel better, more accomplished, and more motivated when experiencing low moods. So again, resource information, access to reliable evidence-based material, books, articles, in this case videos. So a lot of information, and that's the purpose. It encourages that level of connection and discussion and, you know, exploring topics that we don't get in maybe traditional activities.

Sounds to me like it's a great opportunity for anybody in that type of work. So very practical, very easy to use. And you know, you also created something far more for personal use, the workbook. Now, how does that differ?

Yeah, well, this is— again, I love to create these documents and resources. This is the Conversation Starter Workbook. It's designed more for individuals and families. It consists of several pages of discussions, uh, questions for a family to, you know, engage in talking about childhood, family traditions, favorite activities, life lessons, and turning points. For example, um, on the page on life lessons and turning points, What was the toughest decision you ever made? What were the proudest days in your life? What do you wish you had known at 30? Again, it's helping the individual feel heard, feeling acknowledged, not so much the content. That's important, but what's more important to me is the older adult can really feel like somebody's listening, somebody pays attention, somebody wants to know about my childhood, about my work life, about my challenges, my successes. So, That's the purpose of the Conversation Starter Workbook.

That's very simple and very useful and very practical. Now, you know, you also take this step a further, a little bit further with planning and intention. Tell us what the Living to 100 Planner is like.

Well, it's very different from a typical planner. Most planners help you organize your day, help you organize different events in your schedule, but this one helps you organize your life, especially for the moments that matter. It's a digital resource. This happens to be a printout of the copy, and it covers a number of topics with very essential information that your family may need. Legal documents, financial documents, medical providers, insurance, everything in one place. Because what I've seen over the years is that when something unexpected happens, families are often left scrambling. So it asks the individual to record information, and again, it's in digital format, so you can put it on your computer, save it, and update it as needed. But it covers legal questions, locations of safety deposit boxes, insurance beneficiaries, bank accounts, medical providers, current medications, all the information that's really hard to pull together without a document like this. So it reduces the burden. It gives people clarity and real peace of mind. In many ways, it's a gift to your family so they're not left guessing. When decisions need to be made. If you're thinking about this for yourself or your family, my listeners here, you can learn more at livingto100.solutions. That's a website in itself. It's my online website, livingto100.solutions.

It seems to me like a document every older person should have in their ability to leave something very easy and comfortable for those that come after them. Great idea.

Thank you, Peter.

And you've even brought this into the daily life with your new companion. Now, what is that?

This is a fun app that you can add to your cell phone, iPhones or Samsung Android versions. But it offers short daily prompts Simple Reflections. It's an app you load on your phone. It might be a question to think about, a small action to take, or reminder about physical activity. Let me, let me give you an example here. So, your daily companion for healthy aging, that's the app, and it's got several sections depending on what you're interested in for the day: mindset, diet, sleep. And for example, mindset, Create a positive outlook. Action for today: take a few moments each day to notice and write down a handful of things you're grateful for. We know the importance of gratitude. So again, daily tips, information, it's, uh, free and it's available on my website, livingto100.community. Again, another resource for, for individuals to stay connected, stay engaged, and to continually look for kind of cognitive mental challenge and engagement.

That seems like a very easy, practical, and comfortable system to use on a daily basis. Yeah, it sounds to me like a private therapist. It's very, very helpful and useful.

Yeah.

Now, why is daily engagement so important?

Well, you know, we, we can get a lot of these tips, but, um, Mindset isn't something we set once and forget. Oh, I'm going to stay positive about my future. We don't set it once and forget about it. It's the shape of what we think and do every day. And without that regular engagement, it's easy to drift toward isolation, inactivity, or some negative thinking. And we know how challenging that can be once we start going down that negative thinking path. So, small, consistent prompts, even a minute or two, can keep people mentally active, reflective, and connected. It's all about staying engaged one day at a time.

Yes, you certainly put significant time, effort, and energy and insight into creating great opportunities for people aging to help create life more practical, more beneficial, and more rewarding for them. Now, you've got so many very interesting and useful systems. I'm wondering, it sounds like each one of these serves as a different purpose. Now, how do they all fit together?

Well, that's the, that's the big important question here. If you step back and look at all of these, what they really reflect is my belief that aging will Isn't just about adding years. It's about staying engaged, purposeful, and connected throughout these years. The common thread is helping people stay connected with purpose and meaning. And that's what can put a smile on our face. That's what allows us to reach out and connect and stay involved with others, friends, neighbors, family members. So some are for group settings, some are for personal reflection. Some are for planning and some are for daily practice. It's not one approach, it's a system. I call it a system that supports the whole person.

Yes, it is. Now, Joe, it's so interesting and so engaging. If someone is hearing this particular program and thinking this sounds helpful, where should they begin?

Well, I suggest starting with whatever feels most relevant right now, whatever resonates with you, whether it's the planner or the Better, Longer, and Happier card decks or the book. The goal is simply to take that first step. Small steps are important. One step at a time. People can explore a bit, see what resonates, and take it from there. I'm happy to connect or do a brief introduction with any of our listeners if that would be helpful. The easiest place is my limit2onehundred.club website where everything is pulled together. I can be reached at my email address, info@limit2onehundred.com. Livingto100.club. And what I found is that people don't just want to stay busy, they want to feel engaged. So if this is something you'd like to explore further, you can find more on my .club website and my online store, livingto100.solutions. We're living longer, that part is clear. The real opportunity is deciding how we want to live those years.

Yes, and we know that research has indicated that loneliness is one of the most significant illnesses that aging folks endure. It seems to me that you have created a system or systems that if individuals are interested and want to improve their lives, they certainly have the opportunity by getting in contact with you.

Thank you, Hugh. Thank you for those kind words. I, you know, I love doing this and I've been working with seniors my whole career, as you know, and I'm really enjoying it because I love to hear people say, I've changed my thinking about getting old. I don't dread it anymore. I am actually looking forward to what doors I can open. And that's, to me, that's a change we can all appreciate and welcome.

Now you have another podcast in your system that individuals can utilize and hopefully make use of and continue to be able to be engaged with you and on their journey to living to 100.

Yeah, thanks so much, Hugh. Thanks for those good questions. You made my job easy because I love to talk about this, as, as you know, but your questions really allowed me to share what's important. So thanks very much, and thanks to our listeners for tuning in. I hope to see you next time.