Celebrating Aging! A Positive Mental Outlook on being an Older Adult

Good afternoon and welcome to our roundtable. Today we get to discuss Celebrating Aging. Our guests have a long history and professional experience with older adults, and each of you also has been involved in academia. Before we start our discussion, let me give you a little background about each of our guests. Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging, employment, and retirement. She has received awards for university teaching at USC's Davis School of Gerontology and for her contributions to the field of aging. She is a weekly columnist on successful aging for the Southern California News Group, reaching 1.6 million readers, and co-author of Project Renewment the first retirement model for career women. Welcome, Helen.

Thank you.

Dr. Hugh Pates served as professor and dean of students at the University of California for 25 years. He has also served as president of the San Diego Psychological Association, University of California Retirees Association, and as a board member of the California Psychological Association. And for the past 20 years, Dr. Pates has been committed to serving the behavioral health needs of patients in skilled nursing facilities. Welcome, Hugh.

Thank you.

And Dr. Wakkeen Ngueta has worked in the field of aging for over 40 years. For 20 years, he was a professor of gerontology at San Diego State University. Currently, he is the governor's appointee to the California Commission on Aging. He also worked for 30 years at Aging and Independent Services a county agency that oversees all the services for the elderly in San Diego County. Welcome again to each of you. Let's start with our first topic as we talk about celebrating aging and recognizing the positive attributes and characteristics and benefits of older adults. We're wanting to talk about how this change has come about and what we're witnessing today. Let me start with a question for you, Joaquin. From your vantage point, what have you seen taking place in how we are viewing older adults and the aging process?

The first answer is something that everyone notices. I hope they do. The fact that there are many more older persons all around us. Extended longevity.. And the fact that average life expectancy now borders 80 years of age, that means that older persons are everywhere. Second, because they are healthier, it means that they are more involved. Many of us delay retirement. I mean, it used to be that by 60 someone was considered old. People probably know that when Social Security was passed in 1933, the average life expectancy was 62 years of age. So it was very nice to tell the population, knowing that average life expectancy was 62, saying when you reach 65, you'll get all those marvelous benefits. So I think it's a success story what we are witnessing, and what we still have to do is spread the good news of aging. And I'm so glad that you thought of the topic for this discussion, to call it Celebrating Aging, because we need to do more. Celebrating means making people aware. It means happiness, it means sharing, and it's an occasion for making ourselves aware that life is worth living and this life is a good one. I mean, longevity is really a blessing for all of us, something that was denied to many generations before us.

Sure, yeah, thank you, Joaquin. Yeah, we are seeing that shift, aren't we, from the ageist attitudes that we saw years ago, decades ago, and for whatever reason, this is now turning around to view aging as a positive development, as some stage of life that provides new opportunity, and as you put it, Joaquin, offers more fascination in our senior years. So Helen and Hugh, what are your thoughts? Are you— do you see this shift from the ageist attitude to a more positive views on aging?

Helen?

Yes, I do see a shift. And I think there are a number of indicators. I think look at our political scene right now. President-elect Joe Biden is 78. President Trump is 74. Bernie Sanders, 79. Nancy Pelosi is 80. So, we see political leaders who are in the latter part of life, I think, is an indicator. But I think also in Hollywood, we see movie stars who are very successful in later years. I think that wonderful film, The Intern, Robert De Niro was 72. Helen Mirren is 75. Diane Keaton is 74. Jack Nicholson's last film was at 83. So, this is all a statement that you can be an older adult and be productive, entertaining, and successful. So, I think Hollywood is another. And I want to mention just a couple of more. I think the media. We see more positive stories about older athletes, entrepreneurs, philanthropists, people starting an encore career. And we have books with encouraging titles like The Upside of Aging. Or living to be 100. So, I am certainly very encouraged, but I think there is another side to this. And I think Joaquin alluded to it, is that ageism is still alive and well. There was a recent study by AARP, and these are people who are 45 and older, not the older old, if you will. And two-thirds of them reported that they either experienced or have seen age discrimination in the workplace. So, I'm an optimist and I say this is great news, but we know that ageism is still considered a socially acceptable -ism and probably the last of the -isms that's socially acceptable. So, I'm encouraged, but we still have a lot of work to do.

You're right, you're right, there are still some remnants, aren't there, and it's not 100%. The trend is apparent though, and I think you're right, we're still seeing signs. I just read a review this week of a book, and the author was saying that we saw remnants of ageism just this year when we talked about COVID and how seniors may be more expendable. I don't think that was the word she used, but there was a view that, gee, if we're going to be experiencing losses, maybe those people in their later years would be the ones that would take the brunt rather than middle-aged adults. And that clearly ageist attitude, stereotyping, discriminating against someone because of their age. Hugh, what are your thoughts? I mean, I'm sure you're seeing some of this shift toward the positive. Views, but you're still aware of the ageist attitudes?

Well, I agree with Helen. To see a 77-year-old president-elect bounding up the runway to be able to give his acceptance speech, I think anybody and anywhere watching that would say, whoa, there's hope for all of us, you know. And I think that's a terrific model for us to be able to observe that the wisdom that we have is still available and open to those who are ready and willing to receive it. I'm 85 and I am still working with patients and feel that I am still being able to inspire and uplift them no matter what age they are. So I think that, yeah, we're on our way. And I think your book is a good example of giving us the courage and determination that it can happen to all of us. We give it the go, yes. So I think we're on the upswing, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks. I agree. And there are some benefits to this, right? I mean, we, uh, people are not being pigeonholed because of their age. We're not, um, kind of diminishing their contributions. And there's a whole long list of benefits. So Joaquin, and what do you, what do you think are some of the greatest benefits of this positive shift on aging?

Hopefully the first one, as Helen has said, would be maybe once and for all doing away with ageism. We are not there yet. It's still— we all have to buy in and understand that ageism, it's not only discrimination against older people. Against people of any age. And I think that we older persons, we also have to give an example because sometimes we talk down or negatively against other generations, and that is also unacceptable. And so, and the other thing is creating an awareness, making sure that everyone is aware of the many contributions of older persons. And that when someone says something negative, ultimately they are hurting themselves because that's the only stage of life that if we are lucky, we'll get to experience. And so I think that we have to still do more in our society. I mean, opening ourselves up, sharing more, socializing, Older persons need to be more involved, volunteer, speaking up for themselves and learning. I mean, it's great news that there are so very many books about aging, spreading the good news of aging. I mean, very positive books. And I hope that older persons, that we avail ourselves of all those opportunities that are available. It would certainly make us feel better also. We would have a better attitude to this vibrancy that is so needed rather than just living. I mean, then we would be thriving. And it's this thing that you probably know about the Japanese, that they call it the ikigai, that in the morning it's— you wake up with a purpose and you know what you want. That you're going to accomplish something, that it's going to be a great day. And so this positivity, I think, then transpires and those that come in contact with us, they would understand and appreciate and wonder and say, wow, this late stage of life is really something that I want for myself.

Yeah. Yeah. Where we can get— oh, go ahead.

Though, Joaquin, I love the term you used, thrive, because we don't usually think of thrive in older adults. And that's quite possible.

Absolutely.

So that was a great— I love the use of that term. But just to build on what you said, I think the whole idea that the shift in attitudes leads to truly equal opportunity. That older adults have equal opportunity in the workplace, in their volunteer commitments, in their opportunities. I think there's another benefit from the shift, and you might be aware of Becca Levy from Yale had done some studies, as you probably know, that people who had a positive self-concept of aging, really thought about it as a positive phenomenon, lived 7.5 years longer than those who did not. Now, there's not necessarily a cause and effect, and I'm sure there are other variables included, but it says something about how people live when they have a positive attitude towards aging, which may indeed increase their quality of life and longevity. So, I think that that has a big— that's a big benefit of the shift in attitude.

I mean, I was just going to say, as we look at that positive mindset and the benefits and our desire to live longer, we're also more capable of adapting, right? I think the adaptation process becomes more real, and we can roll with some of these setbacks and roll with some of the, some of the bumps that come along. That, that's obviously a big a big part of longevity, being able to understand and, and get back up after we've been knocked down, right? Yeah.

And just, just to add to that, there is evidence that older adults are dealing better with this pandemic than younger people. So that just, to your point of resilience and flexibility.

Yeah, not surprised to hear that. Yeah, yeah. And there's also this whole notion of anti-aging. I know, Joaquin, when you and I talked a few months ago, the idea of anti-aging, like there's something wrong with getting old and we need all of the skin products and the rejuvenation and all of the clothing and all of the, everything that comes with feeling younger, looking younger, that has done a detriment. Hugh, I don't know if you have any thoughts about, do you see these commercials on television where we want to fight aging, we want to, stop our, you know, our natural aging process, the gray hair, the sagging skin, and all of that.

I mean, I don't think that's such a bad idea. I think to be able to look youthful as well as to act youthful, I think, has a lot of positive benefits. And so I think if the cosmetic industry is able to move us along in that particular manner, I'm in favor of that.

Yeah, the miracle drug, right, that would help us live another 10 years or 20 years. We're still looking for that.

Yeah, one of the things I do think, though, I think one of the major aspects of being able to do that is to believe it's possible, that people can actually live to be 100. Yeah, I remember back in 1964 when there was a young man named Roger Bannister was saying that he was trying to get himself to run the mile in less than 4 minutes, and he did it on May 25th, and no one had ever done it before then, and then 8 people did it in the next year simply because they believed they could. And I think that what Joaquin referred to as people getting older, I think more people said, "Yeah, well, I can do that too." So I think it's a matter of really believing we can do it, and we can do it whether with or without cosmetics, and we can actually get into a lifestyle and a rhythm that is very positive. I just heard the other day about a man who died at 102, and I asked the lady, how did he die? He said, well, he rolled off the roof he was repairing. So I think so we can all get up there and go forward. I think with that, when that happens, well, if he can do it, 102, I believe I can do it at least at 95. So, I think that's what's happening in our society.

So much of it is a matter of mindset, right, and how we view ourselves and how we view our aging process.

Yeah.

What would you say to somebody who just, you know, 60, 70, 80, 90-year-old and says, you know, getting older is just, is just too difficult for me. It's, it's It's stressful. I don't have anything to look forward to. My future is dark. What do you say to that person?

Well, I've heard that message many times while working in skilled nursing homes.

Sure.

And certainly depends upon the man or woman. And in many ways, what they are relating is accurate. They don't have a lot to look forward to. They don't have a lot to live for. And they are in pain. So in working with them, what hospice does and other people say is, well, we give them as much comfort as we can and allow them to make decisions that are important to them. And if their desire is to go on, I think that that's a positive choice also. But on the other hand, if and when we can find some small avenue that they can respond to and become more active I had one lady was about to go out and one of the nurses started to bring her son by her window every day on her way to work, and he was 8 years old, and he waved to her and she waved to him. She said, "That's what gives me hope, gives me life, gives me purpose." And when that happens, I think that people do have the energy to go on. But I think it's important to have— without that, I think that people decide they won't believe us. Well, I think that that's okay too.

Yeah, yeah, that hopelessness sets in when we don't have that something to look forward to, something to hold on to, something to give us purpose. And Joaquin or Helen, do you have other thoughts on, you know, this, this feeling of despair and hopelessness that comes with aging for some?

I think what you identified is a population which is really a difficult one.

Yeah.

So we've done— I think there's— we have to be realistic. We've done a good job of increasing life expectancy, but that time between you have your condition and you die, this period of morbidity, that has— that's still pretty long, and that's not— may not be a great time in life. But I, I guess what I would say it was— is to focus on the assets. What can you do well? And if you need some help, if you cannot walk very well and take a walk, is there a way you can find a friend that helps you go walking? In other words, to assess what you need to do what you would like to do. Um, but I think there's a certain realistic piece here too. Um, and I guess I would I would help a person look at their strengths. I mean, I have an example. A dear friend, older woman, congestive heart failure, in her bed, really couldn't do very much. But every Sunday, she called her friends who were congregants to wish them a good day in church. And that was clockwork. You could depend she would do that, and gave her that day a sense of purpose. So, what can you do that's fulfilling? What could— could you read? To a child, what could you do that gives you a sense of purpose and hope? And I don't know if that's a conversation that we frequently have with older adults. And I don't know who has that conversation. But I think that's one of hope.

Yeah, yeah, I agree that notion of something to look forward to. And as Joaquin said, waking up each morning and what is my goal today? I wasn't familiar with that Japanese term. I would often talk with patients about that as well. We want to wake up each morning and say, "What is my goal for today? What is my purpose for today?" And when we can help the individual focus on their strengths, what I call residual strengths, because when we're feeling kind of desperate, we see a lot of the losses and a lot of the failures, and we don't see the whole picture. I use the term of the way horses wear blinkers, and all they see is what's in front of them so they're not distracted. And I think the same thing happens for individuals when they're feeling depressed. They see everything that's gone wrong and the disappointments and losses. And we say, well, let's take off the blinkers and let's look at the whole picture because there are a lot of positives still all around us. And let's not, let's not, you know, omit those. Let's not dismiss those. That's important.

Yeah.

Joaquin, do you have any thoughts on that?

That's the most difficult question, really, because in front of pain, suffering impacts you not only physically but also psychologically, as we well know. So how to resolve it, and every person reacts differently also words of encouragement and saying, come on, let's try something else and try different approaches. So yes, a counselor, a psychologist can do some things. But I think on the other hand, that maybe we as a society, we tend to forget and think about nursing homes as the last resort and the people that are there, they are just one step away from from the end. And it's unfortunate that we do not have programs that bring some connection to those individuals. And I know that it's been tried in some areas. And we've all heard maybe about the concept of the Eden Alternative, about those nursing homes. So I think that's one approach. Or having children, middle-aged people, teenagers visit some of those individuals, helping them even reminisce. That's another area that's very good, reminiscing and thinking, or maybe even taping, recording your life story. So the techniques are there, but they do require a little bit of of effort from everyone, from administration down to the nurses and caregivers in general and the families. So it's a very challenging situation.

Sure, sure. And what you're talking about is engagement. The more we can engage individuals— and I think in this setting, of course, in long-term care, but in independent settings as well, in assisted living— people are living alone and they're isolated and they can become very lonely, and the more we can reach out, the more there are systems that help people to re-engage with neighbors or with communities or with some senior group. That's, I think, a powerful approach, and, you know, I'm just thinking of the individual who might be viewing this down the road, and he or she is living alone and has no family and maybe no children around, or they're another part of the country. So they're wondering, what should I be positive about? How can I stay encouraged about my future? There's no meaning. So what you're talking about is providing opportunities, and there are a lot of programs out there that people can become more engaged with. A lot of the Senior Planet types of opportunities, if they have an internet connection, they can reach out and be connected, and even people can come and visit and invite them to other other groups and other support sessions. So I think it's a process that, as you say, has been happening and we want it to continue happening. So what, what, what steps do you recommend, each of you, what do you recommend on how to kind of maintain this momentum? How can we foster it? How can we promote it in our interactions with others and whether it's with peers or organizations or clients, how can we promote this shift, this continued shift, and continue to leave ageism behind? What can we do? What, what kind of steps can we take, or what do you recommend?

Well, a couple things that I, I recommend. One is that I think one of the most valuable aspects of being able to move is exercise. I oftentimes with my patients, older patients, give them lots of encouragement to, to walk, just to get up and move. And I think as long as you're moving, you're alive. And individuals oftentimes will be set in a chair. Television becomes a very important aspect of their life, and they've become more addicted to that than they do the alcohol. And so being able to help them move away from being addicted to a particular instrument like TV, just to get up and walk. And so, I encourage— that's one of the ways I think. The other ways I think that you mentioned, Joe, is to be able to let individuals know the marvelous stories they have. And that is a very powerful— with my own grandkids and other individuals is the ability to tell stories, to keep to keep that history alive and for individuals to know we did have a life and we still do. We are energetic, enthusiastic, and optimistic. So, I think modeling is probably one of the most powerful aspects that we have available to ourselves that can not only reduce ageism, but also inspire individuals with the energy enthusiasm to live longer.

Sure. Yeah. Good points, Hugh. Good points. Yeah, Helen, or Joaquin?

I also think there's an educational component. Yeah. That I think all of us, the older and younger folks, need to know that one, from my perspective and many gerontologists, that aging is a normal process. Aging by definition is a declining process eventually, and that's the bad news. And the good news is we can can slow down the process. And the reason to get away from the television, one, makes you feel better, but it can slow down this normal declining process. And I don't think people are aware that physical activity, intellectual engagement, having a sense of purpose, all of those we could say are interventions to normal aging. So it slows the rate of decline. So instead of being a victim of aging, we can be an influ— a personal influencer of aging. And, you know, Rowan Kahn did this book and study years ago called Successful Aging, and they cited some research of to what extent genetics and lifestyle contributed to physical aging, which would be a decline.. And they found that 70% of physical aging was due to lifestyle, not to genetics, which strongly suggests we'll never have control, but we do have some element of influence. And so that takes you out of the victim of being— of aging to saying, I have some influence over the rate of decline or even getting better. We know older adults can get stronger. They can build muscle mass in their 70s and 80s and even 90s. So, I think we have a major educational challenge on how we talk about aging. And I think there are channels. It doesn't only happen at schools and universities, but I think more feature stories, more media to empower individuals to age successfully. And again, no guarantees, but to know we are influencers of our own aging. Of course, you need a little luck. I put luck in there.

Yeah, yeah, that helps.

That's one component. I'd say education's a big piece.

Sure. Yeah, I love that research. I saw that research by NIH about 70% being due— uh, 70% of our longevity is due to lifestyle factors. I think that's great. And you know, because you always hear the person say, well, my dad died at 75 or whatever, that means I'm going to not live much longer. And well, maybe your dad didn't know the right lifestyle factors either, right? Maybe your dad could have lived a few more decades. So yeah, that education component and the neuroplasticity that we're seeing now, the learning that the brain can regenerate certain— some brain cells, there is a lot of upside to advancing. And I think, you know, that that expression, the older we get, the older we get. The older we get, the longer we live or something like that. Yeah, so there's something to that. Once we make it over those big major hurdles, maybe there's a lot more momentum that can take place.

Yeah, I think that the modeling process, my fiancée and I love to go dancing. And Joe, you have that video clip of the 90-year-old couple that dance for about 5 minutes with great energy and enthusiasm. That was one of the more inspirational events of my life, watching that particular video. And I think having those types of things that say, yeah, like Helen is saying, you can get out there and do it if you give yourself the opportunity. So I think that I agree with that 100%.

Sure.

Yeah, sure. But I hope you show that video to lots of people who are in the aging process.

Yeah, no, it's a great video. I love it. I love it. And there's the other one with the gymnast who's in her 90s. I think at the time it was filmed was the world's oldest gymnast. Her name is Joanna Qualff, Q-U-A-L-F-F or something. And they show her going through her practice routines and, you know, as strong as anybody in their 20s and 30s who's doing gymnastics. So yeah, doors are open and we want to keep opening more doors. And I appreciate your input. Joaquin, do you have any suggestions on how to—

All well said. Ellen insisted on the fact that it takes effort. Aging is not easy. Aging is not for the faint of heart. So you have to make a positive decision of saying, I'm going to make the best of it. I'm going to try. And it is difficult. Yeah, we've talked about lifestyle, and lifestyle involves A little bit of exercise, a little bit of good nutrition, healthy eating, all those things. And then the psychological aspect of— yeah, you talk about neuroplasticity, meaning using some brain games if you want to use it. And then the social aspect, socialization. Meaning being open to everyone, having empathy. The new word that I also like, a heavy-duty one, generativity. You've all heard about it, but understanding that we have this obligation to give a little bit of ourselves to the new generation. If anything, we older people want to make the world a better place for those that follow us. So it involves so very many components and yet we need to educate ourselves. Another thing that we all emphasize, it's the need for lifelong learning. We can never say, "I have arrived, I know everything, no one can teach me anything." Please, no. Sometimes I say I'm an old man, an old person in training. I'm still learning to see what else can I do and how can I do things better at my age. And so I think those things are important to be aware of what it is. And then finally, one final point, I think society needs to help us. And going back to the theme of your talk today, your presentation celebrating, I think we need to do more in terms of celebrating. There is a little bit of things here and there. You know that in Japan they have one day in September, Respect the Aged Day, where everyone talks about it and families make it a point to celebrate their elders. The United Nations, they are great advocates for successful full aging. They create— and we don't pay too much attention, unfortunately— October 1st is World Aging Day. So it's a day that they celebrate. Well, here in America, we are doing well also. We have the month of May, which is Older Americans Month. So I think that we need to pick up on this and encourage the news media to have some sort of little articles or highlight successful older persons so the rest of us can learn some new tricks on how to do better. So celebration is a great idea. We need more of that.

Yeah, that's some great advice. Thank you, Joaquin. So in just a couple of minutes that we have left, what are your recommendations? What do you say to the average person who might be viewing this down the road? About looking at their future, maybe not even yet in their, you know, maybe they're in their 50s or 60s. What do you say? What are the recommendations to this person, maybe without a lot of financial means, or maybe, like I said, maybe kind of isolated, but what do you recommend? What are your final thoughts of recommendation?

Well, one of my recommendations is finding ways to laugh more. I think individuals being able to laugh is both healthy, and I think it's both energizing and gives a purpose. In working with the people in the skilled nursing facilities, I used to tell lots of jokes, and I'd be always amazed at how much they laughed. I thought it was probably the best therapy I did in many ways. And I think if we give that model that growing older, it really can be a happy experience. We can get happier as we get older, and research seems to indicate that that does happen as we leave behind activities and experiences that are more of us, cause more responsibility, and give us more lightness in life. So that would be my recommendation, is laugh a lot and keep dancing.

Yeah, good advice. Thanks to you. Yeah, Helen or Joaquin, recommendations?

Very good. Having a sense of humor, I think, is very important, especially in our old age. And knowing how to take everything with a grain of salt, understanding that many times we feel resentful or hurt because of something. And if we look deep into it, that's not the purpose of anyone. So learning— and that relates to this thing would be a little bit of forgiveness, knowing how to let go. And because the past, if you keep on bringing it up, it might hurt us. And in relation with this, if we look at the past, I think another value or virtue, if you want to call, would be gratitude. To be thankful for the many things that we've been able to live, to receive, to enjoy. And we can go down that list and I think that that's also healing. So it's the same thing as laughter, gratitude, forgiveness, all those virtues or values that we seem to forget and little by little each one of us keep on building up and making our whole being holy and healthier. So, for whatever it's worth.

Well said, Joaquin. Thank you.

Yeah.

That is— both of your comments are so comprehensive and so well said. I would emphasize a comment that you made, which is a sense of purpose. And that can't necessarily— that doesn't always happen the moment you leave the workplace. But having a sense of purpose, I think, makes life more meaningful. And so it's not always easy to find, but— and it doesn't have to be— it could be your role in the family, you know, it could be volunteering, it could be learning something new, but having some focus which you feel you have a purpose. And I think this is not an overarching one, but if possible, embrace technology.

Yeah.

If you have an 8-year-old grandson or granddaughter, ask them to teach you how to use Zoom.

They'll teach you. Yes.

Technology is the connector of today, and it's vital, absolutely vital. So I— and I also am reflecting on— there's a geriatrician at Stanford, his name is Walter Bortz, and I recall having a conversation a number of years ago where he said that the enemy of aging isn't disease, he said it's frailty, and he said that we can do something about. So the whole notion that we are empowered to influence how we age as opposed to victims and to embrace it, and I just would emphasize certainly Hugh and Joaquin's comment and just add to that the importance of purpose, technology. One other one I just thought of, and that the importance of belonging to a community.

Oh, yes.

And that's hard to start at the age of 80. That it could be a faith-based community, it could be a book group, it could be a poker group. It could be something belonging to what's called the Village Movement, which is probably another whole conversation. But to get older without a sense of community has got to be so painful. And that building of community should start— if you don't have one, it should start at least in midlife and let it carry you through to your older age. So that would be a few, a few comments between purpose, technology, community, and certainly what Joaquin and you, you mentioned.

Thank you. True.

Yeah, those are some powerful recommendations. I, I love what you're all saying about this and things we can take with us from this, from this discussion. So I really want to thank you, each of you, for being a part of this, for giving up part of your day to be involved in this important discussion because I think we're certainly moving, you know, on the right track. We're moving in the right direction and we want to keep doing whatever we can to maintain this positive movement about aging and staying healthy and living longer. And like I like to say with my Living to 100 Club, it's a metaphor for moving forward. We're not always going to live to 100, but we want to have that mindset that we're doing everything we can, we're making the right decisions to live longer, and we're adopting and maintaining these, these very habits that allow that longevity. So really, thank you again for, for your contributions. Much appreciated.

Well, thank you for giving us some aging people a chance to express ourselves. Absolutely.

Yes.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. Most welcome.