Hey, Boomer: Are You Living a Life of Passion, Relevance, and Courage?

Hello and welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast and another premium episode. Thanks to all of our dedicated listeners for tuning in. I'm your host, Dr. Joe Casciani, and here's today's episode. Well, good day to everyone. I'm Joe Casciani, your host for the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Our conversations are all about aging well and doing what it takes mentally and physically to live longer and healthier. Our guests share insights and recommendations about successful aging, Stories of perseverance and inspiration about our future. Today's program explores the topic of reinventing oneself post-retirement. Our guest, Wendy Greene, hosts her own podcast, Hey Boomer. She shares her messages on preparing for the decades we have left after we retire and how to envision a life ahead of evolving from where we were to where we want to be. How can we live a life that is relevant and meaningful? And where does courage come into the picture? First, a little background on Wendy. She's the host of the inspiring live show and podcast, Hey Boomer. She's serving an important inspirational role for people 55 to 75 who are looking for ways to live meaningful, fulfilling lives. Wendy graduated from the University of North Carolina at Asheville, worked in the computer field as a programmer in, in customer support. At Digital Equipment Corp. She earned a certificate from Georgetown University in change leadership. In 2005, she started a kids art business and after-school enrichment program. And in 2013, Wendy trained for and was certified as a life coach. Besides the podcast, Wendy offers a 6-week What's Next group coaching program to help people find their vision for the next chapter of life. Wendy, welcome to our program.

Thank you, Joe. I'm so glad to be here with you.

Glad to have you with us. I'm looking forward to this conversation because this theme is so connected, so aligned with what I love to talk about. I just did a little brief bio, but tell us about the journey that brought you to where you are today.

Yeah, that bio talks about reinvention, doesn't it? I, um, Once did I look back at how many times I have reinvented myself since high school and it was like over 30, which is crazy. But yeah, I started very early and got married at 19 with only 1 year of college. And at 28 found myself divorced with 2 children and no college degree.

Hmm.

So that's when I went back to the University of North Carolina at Asheville and was one of the first graduates in computer science because I knew it was something I needed to do to be able to support my children. It was not something I loved. So I quickly moved from programming to customer support to training, and training was something I really did enjoy. So that's kind of been the path that I followed then. So I went to the Georgetown program, like you said, the Certificate in Change Leadership, because the computer industry in general kept changing and I saw the impacts of that. And then the life coaching was really— somebody said to me one day, you'd make really good life coach. I was like, oh yeah, that's what I want to do when I grow up. And then Hey Boomer came about right like a month after the pandemic shut everything down. I had been working actually at a Sylvan Learning Center at that point. I had kind of slowed down a little bit, and of course the pandemic shut that down. And I looked at myself and I said, you know what, "how do you wanna feel?" And I said, "I wanna feel relevant. I wanna feel like I still matter." And I knew there were going to be thousands of people in our age group that needed to still feel relevant and that they mattered even more so as we were now isolated in our own homes.

Sure.

So, that's when I started Hey Boomer, and it was a way to reach out to people to share stories of what others in our same age group with similar ideas and backgrounds, what we were doing. And be inspired by each other's stories.

Yeah. Well, that's great. And the beauty of it is, and as you use the term reinventing ourself, it's wide open, right? I mean, we're not defined by who we were yesterday. That's what I love to tell other seniors. It's wide open. We can create whatever script we want. Yeah. I mean, there's some realities that come into play here, of course, in terms of our skills and our means and our abilities. But yeah, it's a, it's a wide open script.

It is. And that's a beautiful thing, Joe. Yeah. It is a beautiful thing. Yeah. And you You're right. I mean, I'm not going to be a star basketball player, but, you know, there's a lot of things that we probably put on the back burner at some point because we had other responsibilities and other people expecting things of us. And now it's our chance to bring those back up into the forefront.

Yeah. And I love your notion that we can start looking and exploring after retirement. Retirement isn't what it used to be. I mean, it's not this gradual slowing down and retreat and isolate. No, it's, it's completely different. It's 180 degrees different from what it was. Yeah.

Yeah.

Tell us about your work as a life coach with seniors. What issues come up and what kind of approaches? How do you work with these clients?

Yeah, I'm glad you asked that. Mostly I do it as a group coaching experience, which is really powerful because people hear other people's ideas and, and we love that. But a lot of times You know, we look at retirement as we saw our parents retire, right? And we think, oh, this is great, I'm gonna go sit on the beach, or I'm gonna go play golf, or I'll just play with the grandchildren all the time. And we quickly find out that is not enough. And so, my clients come to me because most of them have been fairly successful in their business or in their careers, and they find that they don't know what to do with all of this quote unquote free time. It's not scheduled anymore. Nobody's expecting them to be somewhere at a certain time. So that's difficult for them. They feel like they've lost their identity. You know, I'm no longer an accountant, I'm no longer an instructor, I'm no longer a whatever. So who am I? And it's a really interesting exercise we do in the program where I have them look back and say, well, who were you? You know, as a child, you were a child, you were a student, you were this or that. Who were you as a working adult? And who are you now? And a lot of times when we get to that, who are you now? Well, I'm a spouse or I'm a grandmother, and they can't seem to think beyond that. And I say, well, there's so many other things that you are. You know, you're a member of your community, you're a member of your church or your synagogue, you know, you are a voter. There are many things that you are that you need to start to value.

Yeah.

And recognize how you can expand those things.

Yeah. You're someone who's in this group and wanting to get unstuck and, and learn more about the opportunities ahead. I mean, that's another role that these—

Absolutely.

Right.

You're a member of the coaching group.

Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely.

So that's a big issue. I can see that we tie our identities in so many cases to the work that we've done, our careers, our profession. And when that ends, okay, who am I now? Yeah. I'm still a spouse. I'm still a husband or wife. I'm just whatever. So how do we learn to create that new role? How do we reinvent? What do we do? What do you recommend?

Yeah, there's another thing that I wanna talk about too. Yeah. And that is finding your purpose, your reason to get up in the morning. Right. So you got up in the morning because you had a job, you had to go do that. And then maybe on the weekends you had all these chores and you run out of those kinds of things now. So why do you get up in the morning? And one of the things that I find super powerful in the program, Joe, is when they write their life story and people start to look back at, you know, what did they really enjoy when they were little? What did they get recognition for? How did they gain their feel-good emotions? You know, what brought that on? And what have they put behind? What did they leave behind? You know, maybe at one time they really enjoyed playing the piano and now they couldn't play anymore because they were too busy, they had other things. So we look at those kinds of things, and from the story and from the roles that we play and from your beliefs about aging, right? So like you said, it's limitless in some ways. I mean, we have to put realism around it, but if we believe that we age means we decline, then we're going to stop ourselves from taking those steps forward. And so we start to look at how to redefine that. Because it doesn't have to mean decline, right?

Yeah. I heard Ken Dykewald talk about— Ken Dykewald has been talking about changing our life trajectory for, for many years. He's been doing this, and he talked now about, now that we're living longer, we have this, what he called a longevity bonus.

Absolutely.

And you describe it, we have these bonus years, and how do we make them productive? And it is that sense of purpose. It is that finding some passion, some, whether it's volunteering or, you know, a new career or going back to school or whatever it is, we do need that kind of connection. And when we talk about the Blue Zones and people who are the centenarians and the lifestyle factors that are so common among all these different centenarians, and one of them is the sense of purpose and whatever it is, they're connected and they, you know, it does give them the reason to get up with a smile on their face in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A sense of purpose, a sense of connection, a sense of who you are, right? And now is your time. I just finished writing a blog about this, like, now is your time to be who you are. You know, some people look back at end of life and they say, well, do you have any regrets? And one of the regrets is, yeah, I wish I had had the courage to be who I was and not who other people expected me to be. Well, now's your opportunity because you have this longevity bonus to be who you truly are and who you are meant to be.

Yeah. So easy to be influenced by others. I, I had a woman on my program last year and she was doing a lot of things after she retired and she decided to run a marathon and her family said, no, no, you can't, mom, you can't be running a marathon. She wanted to write a book and you know, friends would say, oh, what are you going to write about? You can't write about— every time she wanted to do something different, the influence was, no, no, you can't do that. And she said that inspired her more, that built up her drive even more. So it is that overcoming the influence of others and not letting that get in the way, because that fosters our own limiting beliefs, our self-limiting beliefs, right?

Right. And start trying to find people that will encourage you. To be around, you know, people that believe in you or, or believe the way you want to believe. You may not be there yet, but, you know, find those people.

So what about the people who don't want to plan? They don't want to look ahead, or they don't want to envision what else comes after retirement. What about those people that are just kind of putting up those walls and, you know, just like you said, just wanting to kind of stay where they are? What's that all about?

I think it's about fear.

Fear. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think it's about fear. You know, they understand the status quo and change is difficult. Pushing out of your comfort zone is difficult, but it's also a growth opportunity. I think people, they, it's denial too, you know, Joe, they think they can't believe it's like, you know, when we're kids and we're learning to drive and we're like, oh, I can drive fast. I'm invincible. I think some of that carries over into, well, you know, I'll be fine. It'll all work out. You know, something will make it all be fine. And they just don't want to face what they think is scary but is actually so exciting. It's so many opportunities. But trying to get them there. I'd like to tell you a story about my husband, and he was part of the reason I got into this work. He was a senior in the senior executive service. With the government. And for the last couple of years of his career, he was telling me, "Oh, this guy retired and within 2 years he was dead. This guy retired and, you know, in 18 months he was dead." Like, you need to stop talking like that because you're creating this self-fulfilling prophecy. You know, you just need to stop. Well, he had very little sense of who he was other than this bigwig in the government, you know. So when he retired, he was thinking, oh, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna go fishing, I'm gonna go hunting, I'm gonna— and then he quickly realized nobody was calling him. Nobody needed him professionally anymore.

Mm-hmm.

And he started to decline and he developed bladder cancer and he just gave up, you know, he couldn't find that purpose.

Mm-hmm.

His reason to get up. And, you know, that was such a harsh reality for me to, to recognize how important it is to have purpose, to have meaning, to not feel invisible, you know, but to recognize your relevance, to recognize that you can still matter, you can still make a difference, but it is up to you to find how.

Yeah. Did he survive?

No.

No. Hmm. Sorry. Well, it also touches on resilience too. You know, I just wrote a paper about resilience myself and, you know, what is that ability to get knocked down and get back up? You know, we, we call it grit or call it determination or motivation, or, you know, resilience is the popular buzzword. And I think we all have it, you know, I think, and sometimes it kind of gets blocked over or blocked out rather, or covered over. And that resilience is always there. And I was always talking about resilience with patients in the nursing home because they were facing a lot of multiple medical events and personal losses. So my point was that, you know, the resilience is always there as long as we're taking a breath and we can think for ourselves, we can dig deep and we can pull out that, that energy and kind of stay at it.

But sometimes people don't connect with it and they don't, they don't know how to do it.

They're—

yeah, it's a tough one.

Yeah. Yeah, it is tough one. So what about passion? You talked about when we had our conversation earlier, you talked about passion and having that, that strong energy about something. Where does that, where does that come from? Where does that come into the picture?

Yeah, I love that question because I think that ties into your purpose. You know, once you find your purpose, you find your passion. So for you and me, our podcasts are part of our passion, right? We love that we are sharing these stories with our audiences and it inspires us too to hear other people's stories. I think passion comes from what you find deep inside you that gives you a sense of, you know, it really matters. So it's not necessarily the passion that we thought of as youth, but, you know, I even think back, Joe, to when we were involved in the baby boomer generation as teens and young adults, you know, and we had a passion about the work that we were doing, whether it was about the war or about nuclear stuff or whatever it was about. And we felt like, you know, being out there and making noise makes a difference. I watch young kids now with the environmental movement, and I am so excited to see their passion. And I love the idea of being intergenerational in that work, of finding ways to tap into that passion and share some of what we've learned and be even more powerful. So, you know, that's how I find my passion is through my work with my podcast, my work with my political things that I'm involved in, the organizations I'm involved in.

Sure.

But I think people have to find that for themselves. You know, it could be in gardening, it could be in baking, it could be in time with their grandchildren, whatever it is that gives you that extra little smile on your face, that extra little oomph in your step.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good. And it's there too, right? And sometimes we kind of put it on the back burner for a while, but we can reconnect with it.

It's so true.

So true.

The other theme that I ask you about is our comfort zone. And you know, we, we know comfort zones are the those familiar, cozy, predictable places. We know what to expect. We know what restaurants we like to go to or style of clothes we wear or who we hang out with in the neighborhood. And that's our predictable, comfortable place. So I read this book by Joe Dispenza. Maybe you've heard of Joe, and he wrote the book called Breaking the Habit of Being Ourselves.

And no, I haven't heard that one.

Yeah, it's good stuff. He talks about stepping out of our comfort zones and it's risky, right? We go to a different place for a restaurant or vacation, or maybe we talk to different people that we never talk. So it's risky, gives us a lot of energy and opportunity and new doors, but it's a risk and it's doing something different that we're not familiar with. You know, it's not predictable. So what are your thoughts about this? Any, any thoughts?

Um, yeah, it is risky and you know, I think some of us are better risk takers than others. As I'm working with people in the group and they're starting to uncover things that they think they want to try. So, you know, I think one person in one of my groups was talking about wanting to be one of those Red Cross volunteers, you know, that goes to disaster zones. And there was some nervousness on his part, you know, and there was a lot of training involved in that. And so we talked about baby steps. Go to a meeting and see what the training's like. You don't have to make a lifelong commitment to it if it doesn't work for you, but do a taste test, you know, go see. So, oh, another person, she said she had been an educator and she said, well, she was thinking she wanted to be a puppeteer and, and use the puppets to share messages with children in a safe way. And so she signed up for a course in puppeteering. And, you know, that was one of those things where the neighbors and her family were saying, "Are you crazy?" Like, who does puppeteering anymore? And it was interesting how that worked out, Joe. So she signed up for this course, and she was not happy with the course. So rather than getting discouraged, she found a couple in her town who happened to be Russian immigrants who were making their own puppets. And she started studying with them.

Oh yeah.

So she still pursued this dream, but she had to take these steps to find her way to what really worked and how it worked.

Yeah. She could have continued to talk about it and not do anything, but as you encouraged her, it's the small step. It's, it's exactly, it's like, uh, it's not signing up for a 1-year commitment to being a Red Cross nurse. It's maybe talking to somebody who's doing that or maybe doing some online research. So it's these baby steps. They're not as risky, they're reversible, and it doesn't require, you know, jumping off into the deep end before we're ready for it. So the small steps are really what matters. I can see that.

Yeah, it's the small steps and I think it's being challenging yourself a little bit, I think is important.

Mm-hmm.

It keeps us vibrant. It keeps that passion alive. But you know, you can't start out running a marathon. Like the lady that you were talking about, you have to first take a walk around the block and make sure you can do that.

Yeah. Small progressive steps. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's where we get that success. We get a little taste of success. We develop a little bit of motivation cuz I'm gonna do one more step tomorrow. I'm gonna do one more step next week and something a little bit different. And each time we have that progress, that success builds up that confidence and allows us to keep taking more steps. It does.

Yeah, it does. And you talked about connection also earlier, and sometimes having a partner.

Yeah.

Someone that will take that step with you, or maybe that is a couple of steps ahead of you that can encourage you. It's a good way to test those comfort zones and challenge yourself a little bit.

Tell us about the group coaching program. Is this always in person or do you do this online?

Yeah, it's mostly virtual. Oh, good. It's mostly virtual. Yeah, I had started it a few years ago, obviously before the pandemic, in person, and that was fun. But now that I can do it virtually, it's amazing. It's amazing and it's fun. You know, people really get to know that they're not the only one going through this feeling of, well, who am I now and what do I do with all of this time that I have?

So how would someone learn about your program, Wendy?

Well, there's two ways. They can go to the website, which is heyboomer.biz, B-I-Z, or they can email me at wendy@heyboomer.biz. And of course, they can listen to my show. Yes, the Hey Boomer Show.

Hey Boomer, that's your podcast. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And we talk about a lot of things on there, Joe, like you do, right?

Yeah.

We talk about things people are doing and things people are trying, and we also talk about some health issues that we sometimes face or caregiving issues that we sometimes face. So we kind of COVID the gamut.

Yeah, that's great. So looking at the time here, and I wonder what's one thing you'd like our audience to take away from this conversation today?

I would like to leave the audience with how I always end my show, and that is that we are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.

So Never too old to set a new goal. That's right.

Set another goal or dream a new dream.

And age is only a number because it doesn't say anything about what we should or shouldn't be doing. Right?

Exactly.

Just take that out of the formula.

Yeah, exactly.

Great information. Great information, Wendy. Thanks very much. It looks like we're outta time, but before we wrap up, I just wanna remind our listeners to visit my website, livingto100.club, sign up for my email list and download a free copy of my 9 Tips to Make Living Longer Enjoyable. While you're there on the website, be sure to peruse my library of blogs and podcasts, and you'll also find my email address there and an option to set up a brief call if you'd like to give me a call or set up a time. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this episode and, and other comments. So finally, if you're interested, reach out to me to schedule a presentation for your group in person or online. I think there's value in helping older adults feel inspired about their future. Wendy, thanks so much for being a guest on our show today. And I just want to get the contact information down again. It's heyboomer.biz. Mm-hmm. And your email address is wendy@heyboomer.biz. And how would they learn about your podcast? That's also on your website.

They can— yes. Links to the show are on the website.

Great.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you, Joe. This has been fun. I appreciate it. The opportunity to talk to you.

You're most welcome. I really enjoyed it too. So thanks for being a guest, and thanks to all of our listeners for tuning in. I hope to see you next time.

Hi everyone, this is Meredith from the Senior Fitness with Meredith podcast where I discuss all things for seniors, from fitness, your health and wellness journeys, how to be all over strong and beyond. I also have my mini podcast called Motivation with Meredith. It's a great quick motivational pick-me-up for your days. Join me, listen now, search for Senior Fitness with Meredith on your favorite podcast platform.