How Older Women Own and Share Their Life Affirming Message

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani.

Greetings to our listeners. You're listening to one of our premium episodes on the Living to 100 Club, and I'm your host, Joe Casciani. Each week, our conversations educate and inspire, helping you get the best out of all the years we were given, regardless of what obstacles come our way. Thanks for being a subscriber. On today's program, we invite as our guest Harriet Tubman Wright. Our discussion focuses on the contributions that women can make to establish a safer, more balanced, and humane way of life for themselves and for others. Harriet describes the different environments, from the business world to our personal relationships, where women can recognize the strengths that have that they have and overcome their self-limiting views. First, a little background. Harriet Tubman Wright, MS, MA, is an accomplished speaker, storyteller, published author, poet, person-centered expressive arts facilitator, metaphysician, initiated priestess, and elder. She guides mature spiritual women to fulfill their passion so they can live healthy, purposeful, prosperous lives doing what they most love to serve others. She also guides them to develop revolutionary— R is in parenth— so revolutionary, evolutionary leadership skills to help heal people and the planet. Elder Harriet connects with business, professional, and cultural groups through transformational talks on feminine leadership, soul power, and holistic health, captivating audiences with humor and wisdom. She's a natural leader, seasoned professional, and your guide to be fulfilled and free. Harriet, welcome to our program today.

Thank you. I'm excited and pleased to be here.

Great. Glad to have you with us. I'm looking forward to our conversation. I always like to open our programs by asking our guests to tell us a little bit about the journey that brought you to where you are today. You covered a lot of ground, I can see from your bio, but tell us a little bit, maybe the highlights that brought you to where you are today.

Uh, I am the firstborn, uh, from Kansas City, Missouri. I've had the opportunity to travel. I lived in Africa for a while. I've traveled to India and Europe. I have worked in educational institutions, I've worked in nonprofit organizations, and my philosophy is service. It's about service, whatever environment I'm in. It's about service, it's about spirituality and creativity. And when I say that, I've served primarily women, um, and I like to use creativity in serving others.

So you developed the Wright Resort. Tell us about its purpose, goals, who participates at the Wright Resort.

Uh, when I was living in Kenya, I was on the coast, Malindi, and I decided I want to create the Wright Resort, a place where women can come take care and be taken care of. And over the years, it did not evolve into a physical plant, but I started part-time in 2006, focused on self-care, the notion that we tend to take care of everybody else and leave ourselves to, to last. And when we can take time to make self-care a priority, then we can serve people from this vigor and vitality, a wellspring of vigor and vitality. So it was a body, mind, spirit wellness center. As, as I began to meet women who were frustrated and stressed out about their work environments, I decided to focus on soul's calling. In other words, who are you born to be? What are you born to do? Because that's when you can be passionate and purposeful and serving at the highest level. And finally, more recently, given this, where we are on planet Earth, I, I've been focusing on, on social change. Recognizing that we're in a paradigm shift, and how can we as mature women and younger women, as men and those who are committed to make positive change, how can we work together to create that change, that change?

Essentials. Those are really basic fundamental principles to build on. I agree. So the Wright Resort is a virtual resort, not— it is, it is a location, it is a virtual, um, resort.

I call it your Soul Safari to Success. I was doing event pre-COVID, of course I was doing event, you know, live, uh, what I call salons or workshops, um, primarily for women. But, uh, certainly since COVID all of the activity has been online, virtual.

Yeah, sure. And this way you can reach people internationally too, as you've traveled so much. As you said, you can reach people from around the world, reach out to them as well. Yeah, yeah. So, um, people feel stuck, especially older women feel stuck in their current roles. As you said, we kind of, um, play the narrative where we are always concerned about others, serving others. So what do you say to— what's the message for this older adult woman who maybe feels stuck in her current role?

First, I would say it's never too, too, too late to change. I think many women, they are supporting their partners, they're raising children, and maybe they're putting off their own education or higher education until later. And I used to take classes. I mean, even though I have these degrees, I used to take classes at the adult center. Or the— and more recently at the senior center. The senior center is not only the place for exercise and interaction, but there are classes as well. I remember some friends in a writing class, and they published a book and shared their writing. And, you know, it was not only a place to connect with others, but a place to express creativity. Of course, people play games, and then The senior centers take, take people to casinos.

Yeah, right.

And the seniors really, really enjoy that. So my point is, it's never too, too late to learn, and there are opportunities through the adult school, and you can go back to school. I mean, there are many colleges that also have programs designed for seniors to reenter or enter for, for the first time. And of course, with podcasts and other— YouTube, you know, there's— through social media is another opportunity. I think that we need not be intimidated by social media. I know how many seniors have learned to use their cell phones so they can connect with their grandchildren. And so we— my point is we can learn at any age.

We can. And instead of limiting ourselves to saying, well, I'm 75, I'm 85, what am I going to learn now? Your point is, and I agree 100%, it's never too late. We can always reach and stretch and expand ourselves and kind of, uh, challenge our, our mental ability and learn new things. That's the beauty of neuroplasticity, that we can kind of create new, new neural pathways and learn new information. You know, that's something that we never— our parents, maybe earlier generations— never considered, that we can always learn. So I love that point. It's never too late, never too late. And let's remove any of those limitations, the artificial limitations that we put on ourselves, right? So I know when you and I spoke, in your travels, you've seen that there is a lot more regard for older adults and you know, maybe put in positions of respect and dignity and even revered. So what, what do you think it is about the United States where we're lacking some of that reverence for the older women, the older men? What do you think?

Well, if you— if we look at the values, we tend to value individuality, for one thing. And competition appears to be something that, I mean, not only in sports, but the competition, the one-upmanship, whereas in many other cultures, even in indigenous cultures, but many cultures, there is a sense of community that we, and the African proverb, if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together. So there is a sense of and value of community, doing things collectively, uplifting everyone, not just, not just the king, or not just the individual. This, this society really focuses on individualism, and me making it, me being the rich person, and maybe I'll make some donations somewhere. But, you know, it's a different value system is what it is. And, and I have certainly found. And we know that even for adolescents in indigenous cultures, the boys go off and they have to do something and the girls go off at, you know, when they're adolescents. The same in the Jewish culture here, rights. But, you know, here when we become a certain age, we get a card from ARP. And I value this, the senior discounts. I'm not knocking it. Senior discounts are great. But it is the idea that we are not always revered and held in esteem and appreciated for our wisdom. Um, even our storytelling can be educational for people.

Yeah. So the value that has been placed on individualism and succeeding by drive and, you know, pushing ourselves— there's a price to be paid for that. It basically is what I'm kind of inferring from your, your, your comments, that we lose that sense of individual mutual support, regard for the community, regard for one another, at the expense of the sole individual striver. Yeah, interesting. Sure, I never thought of it that way. So, um, we do carry around these stories about our later years and what we should and shouldn't be doing. And no, no, that's not, that's not something someone does at your age. And how do we let go of some of those beliefs? These are very limiting beliefs, and we project them onto others, and we kind of, uh, kind of own them ourselves too. We have these own self-limiting beliefs. How do we, how do we let go of some of that?

Hanging around our grandchildren, for one.

Yeah.

And, you know, I mentioned the adult school and the senior center. When I, at one point there, well, a section of Oakland, there are several senior facilities, and there was an elementary school and also a junior high school, and they would send the children over to these centers to interact. And sometimes the, I mean, just the energy of the children got the seniors engaged and involved. And of course, Of course, you know, there are times when they will bring the pets or they'll bring the horse, you know, the horse, not the horses inside. But what I'm saying is that particularly these seniors would light up when the children came and they, you know, they, the seniors told stories and the children read from their books. It was a kind of engagement that enlivened seniors. I remember doing a workshop around creativity and One of the men got into his stick figures again, and other— and one, the women were coloring in these books, and there was so much excitement because they were tapping into a part of them that had been temporarily buried, so to speak. And in the feedback, you know, one of the women, "Gosh, I haven't written like this for years. I feel so—" so enlivened and refreshed. I feel, you know, I don't want to say turned on, but, you know, excited to tap into this wellspring that had been crushed by medications, by, you know, whatever. Mm-hmm. I do believe that when we can, you know, and we can volunteer when we are physically able, we can volunteer at the library, we can volunteer at the rec center, We can especially volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club. They absolutely appreciate tutors and mentors at the Boys and Girls Club. So I think within our communities, if we choose to look, there are places where we can share our wisdom, share our stories, share our experiences, and learn from those who are there. I mean, the children light up. The seniors light up. It's a beautiful kind of interaction. Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's that intergenerational, um, connecting where we share energy, share stories, share inspiration, share tips, share strategies, share solutions, and we learn from one another. It's all— it's as if we complement one another. And I, I think what you're talking about, when you can tap into that creativity, that energy that's inside us. And sometime it's locked away or it's blocked or whatever's going— and that's what I call, you know, our own resilience and, yes, spirit and motivation and drive. And that's what helps us to keep moving forward and getting up when we're knocked down, you know, getting off the mat when we're when we're knocked down on the mat. So it's probably the same thing that you're talking about as you offer, you know, a class on, or help people kind of tap into their, their writing or their drawing or other creative energies. There, it's always there. I think it's always there, and sometimes it just gets blocked away. When people say, no, I don't have any left, it's gone, it's— I say, no, no, it's there. It's just, you know, you— it's, it's just got to be— you got to dig deep and you find it.

And I think the group environment helps as well. Yeah, this, again, the storytelling and, you know, people are really into gardening. And we can, you know, there are these community gardens, but there are people from the Asian communities who come together and they grow the kinds of things that they did in Vietnam or the Laotian women. And, you know, they have their hats and they're out there and they're speaking their language, but then young people come in and learn how they're doing it, what they're doing. And so this interaction becomes something that is enriching.

Yeah, yeah, that's so true. And instead of kind of looking at retirement and kind of fading off into the sunset, we really want to look at How else can I be productive? What else can I do that's going to satisfy my urges, my desires, my dreams? What else can I go after? So it is, um, kind of finding those ways to kind of follow our dream. That sounds a little hokey, but I mean, it's more than just, uh, sitting back and waiting for somebody to knock on your door and say, here I am. We have to go after it ourselves, right? We have to take that initiative?

Well, sometimes it helps if you have a friend that goes with you. And I can remember when I was part of the Downtown Oakland Senior Center, you know, May is Seniors Month, and we would have this big conference, concert, so to speak, or sharing in front of City Hall. And there would be the ballroom dancing, and then there would be line dancing. I mean, these people are with their canes doing their moves. Yeah, and it's so much fun to, to, to witness it, but they're having fun as well.

Yeah, yeah, it's that— I think it's that positivity that kind of spills out, right? Once we, once we start to take those extra steps and get out of the comfort zone, we can experience that positivity. And really, um, it, uh, it complements one another, I think, too, like we said. So you mentioned volunteering. Are there other ways that people can implement, or, you know, kind of go after some of these desires and to stay active? What—

well, again, for me, it's the senior centers and the adult education classes. I think that sometimes the churches or their whatever religious institution, church, is sure to be a place as well. Where people can be engaged after the service. You know, there's the times when, of course, you're eating, but, you know, you can have another kind of activity. People probably wouldn't play cards, but they might knit or crochet or have, you know, a storytelling session after church. So I do think the religious institutions are one place. I've already mentioned the senior centers and the— centers. I think also, you know, when people are in these senior complexes, there's usually an activity room. And sometimes there are people who come in, you know, to facilitate certain kinds of activities. I remember visiting one where they were featuring their talent. One woman, she made earrings. And so I was like, let me stay away from these ear And then, you know, people had their different talents on this, on this. One woman was a sculptor, she had sculpted really magnificent sculptures. And so not— this was an opportunity to socialize, but also to appreciate the talents that people could bring and share and sell if they chose to. I used to love those And they were done at senior centers and also at facilities where seniors are housed before they go to the part where there's less activity. Sure. And more supervision. But I, you know, I hate to mention COVID, but I know that that had an impact because the interaction was limited and your food got passed, you know, you get a knock on the door and you get your food that way instead of going to the cafeteria or the dining room. Sure. And that, that unfortunately I think was a setback for many people.

Yeah. And many people were reluctant to re-engage again after the severest, the most severe parts of COVID Has lapsed, so it's difficult to kind of reconnect. We were told to isolate, quarantine, stay, stay safe, and now it's gradually coming back. But I think you're right, that's a, that's a serious hurdle. But you're talking about these, um, you know, these strengths and, you know, the talents. I, I think it's so important that we recognize what strengths we have. And I, I do these discussion groups sometime, and One activity that I did last week was, as I went around and I said, okay, tell us one activity, one, one thing that you used to do that you were really good at, but you cannot do anymore. So we go around, and then I would say, okay, now let's talk about something that you were always really good at, you enjoy doing, and you still can do. And the point is, let's not dwell on what I cannot do anymore. Let's dwell on what I still can do, what I still enjoy. I still, I'm still good at what I call residual strengths that are always there. And that's your talk, as you talk about the group sessions where people can express their talents. It's, it's so necessary to shift from what's wrong to what's right.

You are, you're absolutely right. And sometimes we call it, you know, uh, in, in my spiritual community we say something like affirmative prayer. And yes, people have challenges But let us look at, you know, affirming highest and best good, affirming divine right order, affirming that I can, I can, I can, I can.

Yeah. So what does this phrase mean to you? I, I hear it occasionally: be the change that you want to become.

For me, and as I said, when we talk about change, it is being who I was born to be, doing what I was born to do. And so if you want peace, then you're going to come across as a peaceful individual. You're going to promote a peaceful environment. For example, if you want to have a positive impact on climate change. You might have an organic garden and invite friends to participate in this gardening activity, or you might teach others how to have an organic garden. I think that be— whatever it is you say you want, it is demonstrating, being it, demonstrating it, and being willing to share what that can look like, what it can feel like, what it can taste like. And that's one way of getting people engaged to consider, oh, there is another option, or there are other possibilities.

Yeah, I think Nike said it years ago when they said, just do it. Let's do it. Yeah, whatever those dreams are, again, it's not going to come knocking on our door. We have to go after it. And, you know, all the examples you just gave, starting a garden, interacting, we have to adopt that behavior. We have to become that behavior rather than kind of hoping that it's going to happen to us.

Yeah, the other thing I want to add, I live down the street from a community college and sometimes taking a class at the community college or offering, you know, 4 hours a day to tutor someone at the community college. And it may be that, you know, you came over 20 years ago from some other place, but there are young people here now and just, you know, being willing to have a dialogue. I mean, they will really sit at your feet because you— they're learning something that they didn't know. And they're making a connection that is different from book learning. And so sometimes, you know, volunteering at the library. I see— I went to the library to activate my card, and there were primarily seniors, even in the children's section, were there to assist. And I just said, "Man, this is a cool library." That's great.

Yeah, we don't need to put a number on those, um, those ages, right? Whatever age we're at, yeah, continuing to feel that we're doing, contributing, being productive. Sure. Now I know when you and I spoke, you, you did also mention this whole notion of being aware of successive generations, generations that follow us. What do you think is the the message we want to give to children, grandchildren, later generations? Well, one of the messages—

I studied with two spiritual teachers, Maladoma and Sobonfou Somé. They come from Burkina Faso. And Maladoma said, it is the purpose of the grandparent to remind the grandchild of their purpose. And when he said that, I began to see the magical relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. And even, you know, in my own case, my, you know, my father was very much the father figure for my son. And that relation, I mean, my father was at every athletic event. And, you know, the other team members would say, "Hi, Granddad. Hi, Granddad." because he was a fixture. And I think that that special kind of relationship can't be replaced. And so to the extent that we seniors, older adults, always know that you— we have something to contribute. And when I talk about being— yes, these younger people, they know the technology. However, they are more likely to be around for more years than, than us. And so they have more vested interest in the future. And therefore, I feel when the seniors and those young'uns in their 30-ish, we can come together, and that they, they can learn from our wisdom, we can learn from more than just them knowing the technology, because it's like, Well, you know, I want to live until I'm, you know, 80. So what do I need to do as a young person? What can I contribute? How can I— how can we work together to co-create a future that works for those who are coming forward? I mean, as I said, we know that the World War II and the Depression that informed our parents' values. And I think COVID has had its impact. But I think the point is, if we as elders can come together with a younger generation who has more vested interest in the future because they believe they'll be here, then we come together to strategy, co-strategize, to collaborate. How is it we move forward together in a way that engages our talents, our gifts, our skills in the— in— because I always say Mother Earth and Mother Nature, they're going to be here. The question is to what extent humanity is still going to be here.

Yeah, yeah, that's very inspiring to, to look at it that way. I I have a little, um, piece I've had on my desk for many, many years. It's called curate, create, communicate. So to me, that's distilling, uh, from everything that's out there into the essentials, create what I can to share that, and then communicate. So this is what you're talking about too. It's a very inspiring message, Harriet. I, I think that's great. Great information for our listeners. I want to thank you for, you know, being on the program today, and I just want to ask one last question. What's the takeaway? What would you like our audience to remember from our conversation?

The choice is yours: settle or soar, stress or shine. What are you choosing? Choose to be in community. Then soar and shine together. Wow, that's great.

The choice is yours: settle or soar, stress or shine.

Stress or choose to be in community, then soar and shine together.

Okay, great message. So, um, I want to— before we wrap up, I just want to remind my listeners to visit my website, livingto100.club. Sign up for my email list and download a free copy of my 9 Tips to Make Living Longer Enjoyable. You'll also see an option to contact me with your questions and comments. I welcome your feedback. Harriet, thanks so much for being a guest on our show today. For those who might want to contact you, what's the best way to do that?

My website is The Right Resort, spelled T-H-E W-R-I-G-H-T-R-E-S-O-R-T.com.

.com. TheRightResort.com.

Yes, Harriet at TheRightResort.com.

Okay, well, thanks again, and thanks to everyone for listening. I hope to see you next time.

It's time to rethink, renew, and reimagine retirement. Hey everybody, Jared Sylvester here, host of Retire Repurposed. Now, this podcast is about the non-financial parts of retirement, which many times can be even more challenging than the financial. We believe retirement is not the end, rather the beginning of what could be the most impactful, purposeful and fulfilling season of a person's life. So don't retire, become repurposed. To listen now, search Retire Repurpose on your favorite podcast platform, Senior Resource, or Life Audio.