Mindset, Life Purpose, and Life Balance: Tools for Joy in Our Lives

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast.

Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani. Good day to everyone. I'm Joe Casciani, your host for the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Our conversations are all about aging well. And doing what it takes mentally and physically to live longer and healthier. Our guests share insights and recommendations about successful aging, stories of perseverance, and inspiration about our future. On today's Living to 100 Club Podcast, our guest is Dr. Samreen Mongillo. We discuss her model for living to our maximum potential and with the most joy. Samreen has a doctorate degree in physical therapy and is a life coach who helps her clients get past the humps that we all encounter at any age. We'll discuss her 30-day reset and the tools and strategies to shift toward a positive mindset, zero in on our unique gifts to clarify our life purpose, and create a greater life balance. So what are the steps that someone can take to live in greater joy? We'll discuss this and much more. First, a little background. Dr. Samreen Mongillo holds her doctorate in physical therapy and is a success and life coach. She is the founder of coachingbysamreen.com. She teaches people how to own their power, develop a strong mindset, remedy burnout, and make use of 7 tools that promote a healthier lifestyle and a greater life balance. Her program entails a 30-day reset to help restore greater balance and to experience more joy in life. As a physical therapist for over a decade, she's observed a strong correlation between the mind and body. When her physical therapy patients focus on pain, they experience more pain. When they focus on healing they experience less pain and more healing. Now she applies this knowledge with her life coaching clients as well. Guiding people to think about positive outcomes almost always delivers positive results. Samreen, welcome to our program today.

Thank you so much. It's an honor to be here.

Oh great, you're welcome, and I'm looking forward to this program. This is a lot of the, the theme. I mean, these are themes that I love to talk about, so Looking forward to this. I always like to open by asking our guests to share a little bit about the journey that brought you to where you are today.

Yes. Wow. So I was motivated to always live a healthy lifestyle. It really started in my childhood. I had this ambition, this drive. I didn't really know where it came from, but I just wanted to study the people that excelled in life, that were able to live a great life. And so I buried myself in books written by, you know, these great psychologists and motivational speakers and, you know, like Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins. And one of the first books I read was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. And so I always had this drive and I started on this path of health and fitness when I was 18. And that was, that was a long time ago, but that's when I became a personal trainer. And then I did that for many years. I still do that on the side, but really from there, I decided to become a physical therapist and I always wanted to help people. And this gave me an avenue, the physical therapy profession gave me an avenue to help. And, you know, it just— to this day, I still work part-time as a physical therapist, and it gives me great joy to be a part of their healing process. And like you had mentioned earlier, as a physical therapist, while I treated my patients, I noticed a pattern that when the patients started focusing on the negative aspects of their healing, which there are a lot— that's the reality of the situation, you you know, the pain, and sometimes it's a slow process, sometimes they have setbacks. When they started focusing on those things, they had more setbacks. Sometimes they would wonder, you know, why they're not getting better. But then there was a clear distinction from those patients to the ones that were really recovering better. It was a noticeable difference, and those were the ones that really focused on positive outcomes. You know, they, they did their part, they took the action steps, the exercises I gave them home, and then they had that positive mindset. They focused more on the, the outcome and taking action, less on the pain and sometimes, you know, how long it takes. So they did better. So from that, I decided to become a success coach or life coach and really take it a step further where I could help people in a greater capacity, just a larger population. Aside from my patients, I could and teach them the components of healthy living. And, you know, there's a lot of people that talk about living a healthier lifestyle, and it's wonderful that people are taking that ownership, that responsibility, and doing the things they need to. But what I found is they're not seeing— a lot of people are, you know, they're motivated, but then they don't see the results. As quickly as they would like.

Sure.

So I, I always over the years studied the science of habit. And, you know, I also teach my clients, I mean, my patients with physical therapy to stay consistent with their exercises. And then that transferred into working with my clients for coaching because, you know, and we can talk about this later as well, but really it comes down to habits and that, that was my journey because I had to go through it myself. And I learned that the more consistent I was, the more disciplined and committed I was, and then, and just consistent with the goals that I set, the better results I saw.

Sure. Yeah. I had someone on, um, my program just a few weeks ago who talked about overeating and those habits just to continually kind of binge eating. And he said it's the discipline, as you just said, the discipline that when we can adopt that disciplined attitude, it really gives us the freedom to then do what is right for us. It gives us that freedom, and we only get that freedom from the discipline that we, you know, kind of incorporate into our lifestyle.

Absolutely.

Yeah. So you shifted from— I guess you're still doing some work as a physical therapist, but you've transitioned to this role as a a life coach and emphasizing love, life coaching in your work. And tell us about your, your 30-day reset. What does this look like?

Yes, so, so this is where people really benefit because in this program we work to clarify the one thing, you know, what is— they have maybe several goals, but what I help them do is I create a plan for them and I help them focus on one goal that they have that they can really put 100% of their efforts into. So, you know, when I work with someone, it's numerous things. It could be their weight, it could be their stress levels, it could be maybe they're trying to find a career path or, you know, greater purpose in life, maybe have something to do with relationships. Oftentimes it's health and some aspect, maybe getting, you know, feeling more energy. There might be more, you know, just tired most of the time. So, I have them focus on one goal and then I help them create a plan. The plan is for 30 days and I chose 30 days to work with the client. You know, they could certainly do, you know, one session, but the 30 days works best because they get that consistency and the accountability. And it's so hard for people to do things on their own in terms of making a huge behavioral change because it requires more than motivation. Like it requires this inner willpower and unless very few people have that strong drive to where they can continue to be consistent with their goals. So that's why a program like this is really helpful to have someone consistently, you know, there to hold your hand, keep you accountable. Plus I provide several tools to help them see results, you know, tools for healthy living. You know, the thing is with habits and habit formation is that there's a whole science behind that. And, you know, What's one of the main reasons that people don't achieve their New Year's resolutions? And that is what I really want people to think about because at the beginning of the year, and actually 2023 is not that far away, at the beginning of the year, that's, it happens. So people, you know, sometimes they look back at the previous year and they think, oh, I set this goal, this resolution, and it didn't happen. I'm not even setting a goal. You have that group also, but majority of the people will set some kind of intention or goal, some resolution. Unfortunately, many of them don't come to fruition. And it's because of our— it really comes down to our neural pathways in our brain. And so what I mean by that is our habits are rooted in science. So when we have a behavior, there is already a neural pathway that's been formed in the brain. And when we're working on creating a new behavior, so we have a resolution, just, you know, the biggest one is weight loss. We're trying to get healthier and lose weight. It's a behavior change that we're trying to make, but it's so hard to do for most people because it's a lifestyle change. It's not— you can't have this diet for long term, right? So you have to make those small Lifestyle changes and why people fail is because they don't do it long enough. What research shows, it takes on average of 66 days to create a habit. 66 days. This is what the recent research shows and the first 2 weeks, Joe, of someone trying to create this behavioral change or this new habit, the first 2 weeks are the hardest. That is when people slip back because The first few days are motivating. They're on this new path. They're trying to achieve something big. They have the end goal in sight, and then they realize that they're fighting with old neural pathways. They're fighting with old habits, and the only way for them to be successful is to stay consistent.

Yeah, it really takes creating those new neural pathways. Absolutely, because we're otherwise, we're stuck in the old ones. And that consistency and planning and effort and discipline, again, that's where we start to create those new pathways. Yeah, and almost acting as if we are engaging in the new behavior. That's what I like to say, we're acting as if we're doing the right thing, and when we do it enough times, we own it. It becomes ours. It's now our new behavior pattern.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, great. Well, that's a great description. So how do you, how do you guide the person during this 30 days? And encouragement, support, hand-holding, any tools that you use? You mentioned tools, but I assume those are different lifestyle factors. Any tools that you use to really kind of get the person hooked and connected to this plan?

Yes. So the biggest tool is I work on their mindset because this is where all the results that they see in their life comes from. So when their mindset is not strong, not focused, then we can see why they're getting the results they are in their life or not getting, lack of the results. So I feel like that's my strongest area. And that's where the clients see the best results when we start to dive into, you know, what is creating that negative thinking? Because it often is the negative thoughts, you know, oh, I can't lose weight. I've tried before. It's not going to happen. Oh, I can't, you know, do this. I've tried so many times, whatever the goal is. So You know, the first thing that I work on is I tap into what their beliefs are, because our beliefs actually are the foundation of our thoughts. You know, whatever we believe will lead to our thoughts, and then our thoughts, of course, lead to our actions, and then the results that we see in our life. Where do a lot of the beliefs that we have come from is what I ask my clients. And the majority say that it's from their childhood. They're, you know, maybe someone told them they're not good enough or they can't achieve this. They're not smart enough. They can't, you know, they can never lose weight or it's usually things like that. But as children, we have a hard time discerning you know, what is true and what's not. And if— I really wish, you know, in schools they would just teach us a little bit more about self-efficacy and self-esteem. Because, you know, it's not just parents and teachers, you know, it's, it's society, it's what we see on TV, it's our peers, it's so many messages that we get as children that it's overwhelming. And it seems like you know, from when I was growing up, things are even tougher now. And, you know, I have a young child, I have a 6-year-old, and I just have the same goal for him is I want him to always believe in himself and in his abilities. Because I think each and every one of us, every single listener of yours, has the ability to achieve what they want to achieve. And really, it all starts with that. So, so I help them kind of reprogram, you know, rewrite those limiting beliefs to empowering ones. And we do that based on looking at— we examine the truth, you know, what's the evidence for this, what's the evidence for this. And then once they really tap into that, then they can— they start to realize that, wow, I have the ability to do this, I can do this. And then they start to create this positive self-talk cycle, and they start to realize how negative their thinking has been. Because really, if you look at all the successful people in life, behind every successful person is someone who thinks strong. It's their mindset. They have, you know, these, these great, great successful people. That's the biggest thing they have in common is a strong mindset. They focus on gratitude, they focus on lifting themselves up. They're like their own cheerleader. And so, you know, believing in themselves, that's what it starts with. So that's, that's one of the biggest tools. And then we, we look at various things, you know, whatever is the gap in their life, whatever they're working on, I'll provide tools in that direction. As far as, you know, is it sleep that they're having challenges with? Is it fitness that they're having challenges with? As far as, you know, do they— are they not exercising every day? Because if not, they need to be, you know. It's something. It could be— it doesn't have to be anything rigorous. But people need to be exercising every single day for their mental health and physical health.

So you help to remove some of those early limiting beliefs, those self-limiting beliefs, because those are what's creating a lot of the, the hurdles, the, the barriers to kind of going after our true potential, going after— and so someone called awakening our inner genius that We have to remove these barriers, these limitations first, and then the true inner potential life force just comes forward. Do you have any thought— someone told me, or one of my guests recently said, a lot of the negative beliefs— in fact, he said all of the negative beliefs come from outside. Parents, teachers, everybody gets a bad rap for that, but the negative beliefs come from outside and really they just get in the way of our— encumber our own natural positive beliefs that are our own to start with, and then all the contradictory ones come in from outside. Any— do you think that's true?

It definitely seems true because, you know, I feel that there is one truth, right? If you focus on evidence and, and the truth, the truth is we are all made of love. We are all fully capable of so much. That is our nature. And so yes, when we hear messages of, you know, you're not good enough, or you can't do this, or this person's better, or, you know, just lack messages with— with—

not allowed, not entitled.

Yeah, yeah, that's not true. That is not true. Every single human being who is born has the potential for greatness. And the limiting factor becomes our mindset. I feel that, that, that is the, the secret sauce to success. If we can just become aware of our limiting beliefs, which I do agree comes from the messages that we receive in mostly our childhood from various sources. But if we can just become aware of that, most people, most adults are not even aware that they have limiting beliefs. They are aware that they have, you know, bad results in their life or they are not achieving what they want, or maybe they are even aware that they have possibly low confidence or that their self-talk needs to be improved. But what they don't realize is that in order to see real lasting change, they need to get to the root cause and change the script that they've been telling themselves for years and years. And I just, you know, I'm so passionate about that because I think that so many people are, you know, not living their truest potential when they can. And the answer is not as hard as people sometimes think. The answer is right there. They have to rewrite the script. Once they do, it's like they see the truth and they can't go back to what's not true. And once they realize they are capable, they are good enough, why would they believe anything less, you know?

So you're helping people really stop and develop that awareness of what their choices are and maybe examining those decisions and saying, look, I'm not stuck in those old patterns, I really can create a new one. And I love that expression, I use that all the time, to write a new script. Because it's always projecting a new, a new character for ourselves down the road. Maybe something in my— you know, when I talk to older adults, it's like, okay, we've had this upset, we've had this loss, maybe a physical setback, and now it's time to start a new chapter. So we write a new script for ourselves, we write a new character, we create this new role for ourselves. And that's the same thing you're talking about.

That's a great way to, to phrase it. I love that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what about, um, life purpose? I know we're kind of moving quickly, but here I'm curious, what's your thoughts on this life purpose and personal life purpose, and how important is this?

Yeah, so I definitely think that we each are born with a gift, and we all have something that we can give to others, a purpose in life. And, you know, it comes from really examining what gives you joy. What— when someone doesn't know their life purpose, that's usually where we start, and we, we have them just, you know, really write down all the things that makes them happy, all the things that if money wasn't a factor, what would they be doing? You know, what gives them that inner joy? As I really believe that we all have a gift, you know, and, and we all have the ability to help others in some way, whether it's through art or healing, you know, whatever profession it is.

There are limits, right? I mean, if I wanted to be a professional race car driver, that's that's not likely to happen. I mean, possible, but all things are possible. But I don't— yeah, so there are some limits to what these, you know, life goals are, right?

Oh, definitely. And that's why— so when I work with my clients, we create a plan. You know, it's one thing to dream, one thing to believe in yourself and then dream big, but then without action, there's nothing. But The action has to be realistic. You know, that's where goal setting is imperative. And, you know, if you don't know where you're going, how are you going to get there? So creating that plan is really a crucial part of seeing results. And, you know, you can dream big, but it has to be realistic. You have to, but if you're willing to work hard at something and focus on it consistently, Yeah, and you're, you know, you believe in yourself, just about anything is possible.

Yeah, yeah. And I like to talk about really that's going to come from us. It's not going to come from someone knocking on our door saying, hey, here we are, we're going to help you achieve your purpose, right? You're going to come from inside it. We have to take that initiative ourselves. And I, I call it, um, you know, knocking on the door of other, other things, other organizations, other people, and not waiting for people to knock on our door and say, here I am, I'm gonna help you on your path. It's really up to us to take that, to take those steps.

Yeah, to own, own our power, to kind of take charge of our life. Yeah, yeah.

And what about life balance? How do we fit in this life purpose? I mean, we all have different forces and different pressures, responsibilities. How do we achieve some degree of life balance with all of these forces?

Yeah, so I love that question. And it's kind of a tricky thing, right? Life balance. I don't think you can ever achieve true, true balance because life is just constant. There's constant challenges, but we can get pretty close. And I feel that, you know, if there was a formula for life balance, it would look like this. You create a, you know, everything comes from your health. So you create that foundation for good health by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising consistently, and then having good relationships in your life. I really think that's integral to having good life balance because we all need that connection, that positive support from each other. And then I also think it's so important for people to, you know, especially when it comes to thinking about balance, work-life balance or balance, what have you, to have that balance between work and play. So I really think a lot of people do not prioritize their rest, relaxation, you know, things that— leisure, things that give them joy. You know, whatever it is, people should schedule it in their calendar because they don't prioritize it. And then in the end, they look back and they're like, wow, I've worked so hard, but I haven't taken the time out for me. And that's, that's what really what I try to help motivate people to do is to, to focus on them, to prioritize their needs. And really the first thing is the foundation for health, your exercise, sleep, and your diet. And then take time to cultivate those positive relationships. Take time to schedule in what gives you joy. And then I would also add, Joe, taking the time out to become more present in the moment. Because too many of us, especially in our fast-paced society now, too many of us are focusing on, you know, the next thing, the next thing. You know, we're not staying present or focused on the past, but Mindfulness through, you know, there's various tools, but, you know, meditation, breathing, lots and lots of ways to become mindful. And it's a skill to practice. But really, the moment is all we have. And that's, if we can just get in the habit of being more present, that's huge for life balance right there.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember saying from the Dalai Lama, there are two days when we cannot get anything done, and that's yesterday and tomorrow.

I love that.

Yeah, yeah. So it is, you're right, it's, it's so important to just stop. Again, it comes down to the awareness where I am right now. I can put things off for a bit, and I need to focus on where I am and making sure these are the right decisions I, I want to follow. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Can you give us an example of maybe 1 or 2 people who you've helped with some of this kind of movement toward their life goals and purpose? Yeah.

I had a lady who wanted to lose weight. And from the beginning, she noticed that she was doing all these things wrong. She didn't eat well. She said she wanted to exercise, but she set all these high goals. And then in the end ended up not exercising consistently. So she knew what she was doing wrong, but she couldn't get past that hurdle. She couldn't change that behavior. So she was frustrated. And so she came to me, and what I helped her with was really digging into the belief system that she had, which once we looked at it, we realized that, okay, it's actually coming from her childhood where Her parents made her feel like, you know, they expected too much from her and they didn't really lift her up. And so she started to not believe in herself and her abilities. She did become an overachiever and she did a lot. But then she got to a point where she started gaining weight and lost that, you know, desire to exercise. And so when we worked together, we rewrote the script and had her start to make those daily small changes where she started to, you know, really that awareness was huge. She started to make those small changes and realize that, you know, she has the ability and she can make those changes. But the hardest part for her was staying consistent with those goals, those daily goals, because really, you know, when someone is trying to make that change, even if it's To one person, it might seem easy. Oh, OK. Her big thing, I think, was Diet Coke. So she drank that almost every day. But it was so hard for her to change. And then we finally said, OK, you really have to put, you know, be strong. You have to own up to this is your goal. And if you're not going to do it, you're not going to see the results. So I had her do a habit log. I gave her a, you know, like a little log to write down the days to mark down when she doesn't drink the Diet Coke and eats healthy. And once she started doing that, it also motivated her. So gave her a lot of tools, and, and the accountability really helped. But it's, it's hard for people to change.

Yeah, so the focus on smaller goals— people want, want results quick, quicker than they're going to happen. So sometimes, see, the small steps are better than the big giant leaps.

Yeah, yeah.

And shifting, helping to shift that mindset. It reminds me of what this other guest, when he was talking about overeating, he said if we think of ourselves as a permanently thin person, a lot of the decisions that we make get filtered through that, that new mindset.

I love that.

Yes, that's great. Yeah, we're thinking of ourselves as a permanently thin person or healthy person or physically fit person in all of our decisions, then you know, kind of get interpreted through that mindset.

You know, I, I love that you brought that up because, you know, I had mentioned to you some of the books that I read growing up and how I just really studied these people. And several of the books were on the power of the subconscious mind and how if we just tap into the true potential that we have. Our abilities are like almost endless. And one of the things, a big thing was visualization. Yeah. And if we just visualize ourselves as the way that we want to be and do that every day, we have to commit to just picturing in our mind's eye how we want to be, how we want to think, where do we see ourselves, what do we, you know, what do we do, what does it feel like to be that self that's, that's like representing our highest potential or, you know, unlimited potential, and we'll start to embody that.

Yeah, that's important. How do we feel when we're seeing ourselves in that new refined, you know, self-definition or whatever we're creating? What are the feelings that come with that? And that again, that reinforces that new, new condition. I remember this downhill skier who, you know, she was an Olympic skier and she would talk. I visualize going down that slalom course every night and I can see myself going through all the gates and I know what it feels like and I know at the foot of the, you know, the run what it's going to feel like. So it's that visualization that is so powerful, right?

It's powerful because the brain doesn't know the difference between what is visualized and what's not.

That's right.

It thinks it's really happening. So if you see yourself at the finish line or completing the tests, being in the relationship that you want, it's powerful. CEOs do it, athletes do it, so many successful people do it.

Yeah, yeah. Great, great material, great conversation, Samreen. So what's one thing you'd like our listeners to take away from today's conversation?

Yeah, gosh, there's so many things, but—

or two things.

Yeah, so, so first, to always, always prioritize your needs. Your self-care has to come first. If you don't put your oxygen mask on, how are you going to be able to be there for others? And, and you deserve it. You, you need to take care of yourself, you know, your self-care needs, your health. Make it a priority, your mental health, your physical health. And then second, take the time out to look at where those negative beliefs are coming from. That is crucial. That is, you know, otherwise you're just putting a Band-Aid on things, but the root cause of why you're not achieving what you want to achieve really is in your beliefs. So believe in your unlimited potential to achieve about anything you want to achieve in this life.

Yeah, that's great, that's great. Yeah, well, it looks like we're out of time, Samreen, but before we wrap up, I just want to remind our listeners to visit my website livingto100.club, sign up for our email list, and download a free copy of my 9 Tips to Make Living Longer Enjoyable. And while you're on the website, be sure to peruse our library of blogs and podcasts. And also, you'll find my email address and an option to set up a brief call. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode or any other comments you have. Let me know what you're thinking. And finally, if you're interested, reach out to me to schedule a presentation for your group in person or online. I think there's real value in helping older adults feel inspired about their future. So, Samreen, thanks so much for being a guest on our show today. For those who might want to contact you, how can they do that?

Yes, they can go to my website coachingbysamreen.com. That's coachingbysamreen, S-A-M-R-E-E-N, dot com.

Okay. And what else would they find on your website? Do you have online programs, courses?

There is a free resource, top tips for managing stress. And also, if they're interested, they can get a complimentary coaching session.

Oh wow.

So there's a brief short form that they can fill out on the website.

That's a great gift. So www.coachingbysamreen.com. Well, that's great. That's great. Thanks so much for being a guest on our show today, and thanks to everyone for tuning in. I hope to see you next time.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hi, this is Suzanne Newman, host of the Answers for Elders podcast and radio show. We are the North Star that guides you through the complicated journey of senior care with trusted experts in money, law, living solutions, and more. So join us on this station, your favorite podcast channel, or just go to answersforelders.com. Meet the wayshowers who will help your journey go a lot easier.