The Power of Positive Aging with David Lereah

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani.

Well, hello to everyone joining us today. You're listening to the Living to 100 Club, and I'm your host, Joe Casciani. I'm passionate about helping people embrace the principles of psychologically healthy aging staying positive, finding purpose, and making the most of all the years we're given, no matter what challenges come along. Each episode, we bring you conversations that educate and inspire, guiding you to age with resilience, optimism, and a positive mindset. Aging brings challenges, but the mindset we bring to it can make all the difference. In today's episode, I welcome David Lira, founder of United We Age, to explore the power of positive aging, resilience, and community engagement. David shares his remarkable journey surviving stage 3 esophageal cancer and how it transformed his perspective on aging, leading him to champion support programs for seniors. Together, we discuss how mindset and resilience impact aging outcomes, the importance of aging, the importance of engaging seniors in meaningful activities, support systems for residents in long-term care, and other important topics. First, a little background. Dr. David Lira, founder and executive director of United We Age, is dedicated to supporting senior citizens in need. He gained valuable experience during his 3-year volunteer work for the Meals on Wheels program of the Senior Resource Association in Vero Beach, Florida. Dr. Lara is renowned economic expert in the financial services and real estate sectors. He served as the chief economist for both the National Association of Realtors and the Mortgage Bankers Association. He started his career as a faculty member at Rutgers University and the University of Virginia. David holds a BA in economics from American University and a PhD in economics from the University of Virginia. David, welcome to our program today.

Thank you so much. Good to be here.

Great. Glad to have you with us. I always like to open by asking our guests to share a little bit about the journey that brought you to where you are today. You've covered a lot of ground, of course, over the years, but What are the highlights that stand out, kind of the pivot points that caused you to land where you did today?

Yeah, well, as you mentioned, I was a volunteer for Meals on Wheels, and that was a pivot point because it woke me up. I, I just saw older adults that had financial challenges and they were living in squalor, some of them completely dependent upon others for their meals. And they were lonely. They were very lonely and they were looking for some social life. And that woke me up a bit. And then of course, the big wake-up call was my cancer. Yeah. And what I went through there. And once that occurred, I saw it just for me, an opening to create and found United We Age because I realized that people that go through illness, whether you're 30 years old or 60, whatever the age, it doesn't matter. You're experiencing the vulnerability that humans have to physical and mental decline.

Yeah.

So it was very easy to take cancer and translate that journey to the aging journey. As we age, quality of life is going to decline. And the real key there, I found out the hard way, was trying to mentally, uh, face those declines. And that's where positive aging came in. I discovered the world of positive aging and did my own research as an economist, uh, on, on trying to come up with the different building blocks that one could use to practice positive aging.

Yeah. Wow. So the Meals on Wheels kind of set the stage, the early stage there for understanding what the plight of many older adults go through. Not all, of course, but many. And then your own medical personal experiences, and it caused you to kind of put this program together, United We Age. Tell us more about it. What's the mission? Of United We Age?

United We Age, we're a nonprofit, 501, and we support seniors in need. And the mission specifically to, to assure that every person experiencing quality of life decline due to aging has a social support network. We offer solutions to seniors facing the mental challenges of aging, and we promote togetherness across generations in support of seniors. So those are our 3 bedrocks of our mission.

Well, that's an ambitious goal.

It's a little too ambitious, but yeah, we're here to please.

So you're addressing seniors in need and make sure there's a network, a support network for all seniors. Are you talking about locally or beyond your, your reach?

Well, our reach is Southern Florida, and we have a branch in North Carolina, so we do as much as we can. And based on donations, uh, we can expand our reach further and further. Uh, so in terms of social support, our reach is more local We have a Friends for Seniors program, for example, where the, the seniors in long-term care facilities, they, I'd say half of them have no family to visit. They're lonely. So we have volunteers that go and we, we work with the activity directors. They tell us their birthdays and we have volunteers delivering birthday gifts. And we sit with them. Uh, we keep them company, make them feel like they really exist. Um, bring a smile to their face. And as you know, because I know you've worked with long-term care facilities, uh, some of them, uh, are really physically and mentally in bad shape. And if we can just bring a smile to their face while they're lying in bed, we've done our job.

Yeah, for sure.

Others we can actually do activities with, uh, color in coloring books, play trivia games, things like that.

So you can reach a lot of, um, um, facilities in, in your area in South Florida, Southern Florida. And, um, you're looking at, um, donations that can help you expand. Right now you're in North Carolina as well. So looking at extending your reach further whenever possible.

Yeah. Um, now there are certain programs where we can extend our reach because, uh, for example, we have a Life Stories program. Um, so we can sit down, we have a volunteer to sit down with a resident in a long-term care facility or assisted living or independent living and, uh, try to interview them on their life story. Everybody has a story.

Yeah.

And it's remarkable how I know we, we don't want people to focus on the past to obsession because then they could, yeah, uh, get a little depressed about aging, kind of live back. What I find is that when they talk about their past, at least in a short term sequence, they get energized about their present. Because all of a sudden they gain confidence in themselves, seeing what they did contribute in their past life. Everybody has a history. And we have a lot of fun with it. But that's something that we can do all over the country. Um, via phone or via with activities directors, uh, getting people to interview, uh, senior citizens, uh, about their history.

Yeah, yeah, that's a great program in itself. I mean, I, I, I always appreciated the work of, I think, Robert Butler, the gerontologist, who talked about reviewing life review with an older adult because it helps them to see what they've accomplished and the challenges they overcame. And it helps to build that sense of, um, yes, I can do it again, that whole attitude, that whole mindset. So absolutely, that's a valuable program in itself. So you, you mentioned, um, as you started to do some research and, and look into positive aging, what What, what struck you about that? Why, why is that so important?

Positive aging. You know, growing old is a relatively new phenomenon. Hmm. If you go back to 1900, life expectancy, I know this is gonna surprise a lot of people, was 47 years old in America. Uh, so people did not experience the marks of aging like we do today.

Yeah.

Uh, so how many of us are aging and how many of us are growing old? Um, there's a difference.

Yeah.

Um, and the aging journey can be wondrous, but what I found, and I'm sure you have found and many others, your mindset will determine whether you find joy on this road. Uh, you know, I'm thinking about what happened to me. Um, my wife and I were visiting my mom and dad at a senior living facility, and we were sitting in the lobby by a window waiting, uh, because it was raining outside, sheets of rain coming down. And there was this elderly man with a walker outside slowly walking towards the building. And my wife goes, get your umbrella and go out there, give him some cover. So I went out there, took my umbrella, gave him cover. He pushed me away, get away from me. And I left. And after a minute or two, he came back into the facility. And I said, you know, he said, look, I apologize for telling you to go away. But you need to realize that rain were like tears of joy to me. It felt great on my skin. Uh, so the lesson that we learned was don't worry about getting wet when you can enjoy raindrops caressing your body.

Yeah.

And the real lesson there was live in the present moment. Uh, if you live in that present moment, you can enjoy life so much more than worrying about the future or thinking about past.

Yeah.

Uh, so that, that clued me into this positive aging, uh, where it's to adopt a positive mindset of aging as a natural way of life. Uh, if we can get people to just naturally have this positive mindset they would rather than view aging in a negative light as a life to be endured, they can view it as a positive journey of transition. Positive aging, it encompasses the elements of psychological, spiritual, and physical and social support. Uh, and the, the key here for me is once you have that positive frame of mind, it triggers many beneficial things in your life. Uh, you feel more confident about yourself, you want to keep fit, you want to maintain a healthy diet and engage fully in life. So it's sort of once you can get over that obstacle and have that positive mindset about life, everything else starts to fall into place.

Yeah, that's so well said, David. Thanks, because I agree 100%, 1,000%. Um, the whole notion of living in the present and letting the rain fall on us and not dwelling on the past and not obsessing, worrying about the future that is healthy aging, that is positive aging. But there's also the concept of kind of feeling younger than we are. You know, people who think they're younger than their true chronological age tend to be healthier. They tend to live longer. They perform better on psychological tests of memory. They take more preventive measures. So, as we let go of some of those old stereotypes about growing old and what that means about loss and decline and dependency. We see that, as you're saying, it's a natural, it's a natural state, and we can, we can stay positive. We don't have to worry about those old weights that used to come with getting older.

Yeah. And, and you're right, the benefits, um, are, are real. You can almost quantify some of them. Um, you're more proactive about health, you're more resilient, illness, less stress, less anxiety, and more energy. And I even, I've even seen scientific studies on the telomeres and DNA that basically say if you have less stress, you're improving your longevity. You would know that better than I, given what you do. Yeah. But that's another benefit of having that positive mindset.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. The biomarkers that they can show that the telomere endings are, I guess they're the connection between the, the DNAs. They don't decline as fast when you're positive. Yeah. Yeah. It, it is amazing how much, how much solid evidence there is about staying positive about. About getting older. So what are the, you know, as we talk about support systems, what are the, what do you say the biggest challenges are, emotional challenges or social challenges faced by seniors today? Oh boy.

Obviously, when you look at most older people, we're sort of locked into the narrative of aging. Aging means decline. Aging means weakness. Some people are, have shame for, for getting old. So we need to rewrite the narrative on aging. And that's to me the obstacle for a lot of people now. The aging baby boomer generation, we're starting to see that second or third act in life where they're saying, screw the old narrative. I'm gonna have a robust life in my 60s, 70s, and 80s.

Yeah.

Now you can only go as far as your body and your mental state will take you, but enjoy the ride while you can. Sure. And, and so that, that seems to be when I, when I work with residents in these long-term care facilities. And this is where it gets a little delicate. We'll have a discussion group and try to have the peers, all the residents, we'll have 10 or 20 in a room. Discuss how they're coping with growing older, with aging. And, um, some of them lean on religion, lean on God very, very heavily, to a point where, uh, they're almost in God's waiting room, um, where they're not active, um, and they're using that as a crutch almost. And what we say to them is, you know, we're not here to discuss religion. You need to do what you need to do. But at the same time, you're still a person and you still have needs and wants and desires. And as you physically and mentally are capable of doing those things, uh, we need to we need to energize. So we try to give them some exercises. One is gratitude. We have gratitude journals, and we talk about what's your gratitude statement today? What are you grateful for? And we also have affirmations. Which are very, very strong. If you can recite an affirmation today, I feel strong, I'm ready to, to have a good day today, uh, that does wonders for their, for their mental outlook.

Yeah. How about any exercises for helping to shift this mindset from the negative dread to optimism? And you have any exercises or activities?

Yeah, I mean, I actually, uh, wrote a handbook on positive aging.

Yeah.

That has a whole list of exercises that we give out to activity directors and they can do the exercises with their residents. Affirmations is an exercise. Gratitude journal is an exercise. There's a lot of mind games that we have in, in this handbook. To stimulate their mind, their brain.

Yeah.

Very important, as you know, very more than anybody. Sure. We also have meditation exercises. Now, you know, people think about meditating, oh, that's gonna, you know, take a half hour and it's gonna take a lot of concentration. The reality is for older adults, all you need is 5 minutes to meditate, and it doesn't have to be real meditation. All it needs to be is give them 5 minutes of peaceful thinking, and we find it does wonders to their outlook. Writing their own life story is another exercise we do. We have trivia games. That they can play and also listen to some music, color books. And we have short stories on positive aging, like the story I told you about the rain, elderly man in the rain. I've put that into a short story for them. And then finally, we have hope buckets. A hope bucket is, you know, it doesn't have to be at their age where they're in a long-term care facility, I know my hope bucket is go to a hot air balloon and fly around. Their hope bucket could just be walking in the park next door to the, to the, uh, to the facility.

Sure. Yeah, I was doing a group this week and they're talking about resilience, and I was sharing some of the features of resilient people and what we see. When someone's resilient in terms of problem solving. And I said one of the features is confidence. The resilient person tends to be confident in their abilities, and when they set a goal or an objective, they're confident they're going to reach that goal. So I went around the group a little bit and asked about goals, and one woman was kind of dour and kind of cranky, and she said, I'm 96, I don't set goals anymore. I said, well, I understand. Yeah. I said, how about, they were just thinking about a smile, putting a smile on your face tomorrow morning when you wake up. Well, how about that as a goal?

And she agreed to do that.

Yeah.

I have a question for you.

What's that?

I have a question for you. Sure. Because you mentioned 96 years old.

Yeah.

I run into this a lot. Anywhere from 90 to 100, where we're confronted every now and then with someone saying, I've lost my spouse, I have no longer any contemporary friends, there's no reason for me to live any longer.

Yeah.

You know, what, what do you say to them on that?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that too. I hear that too. A woman told me, she's very, very very alert and capable. And she's walking around in this community, and she says, I'm 99, and what do I have to look forward to? I, yeah, so yeah, no quick answer for that. It's like, you know, I kind of accept where they are and maybe give them some information, like, well, you know, people can do a lot of things they never expected to do, or, you know, I know someone who had his first, uh, uh, gallery showing at age 100 after being a tinkerer and a small creator of little crafts. He had his first gallery. Anyway, um, the whole idea is that let's look at what I can do tomorrow that I'm not doing today.

Yeah, make it very short-term.

Very short-term. Yeah, yeah. What little change, what little step, because those little steps add up, of course. So Is there anything you would like to do tomorrow that you're, that you're not doing today?

So yeah, one of my responses is always, do you have family? Do you have grandchildren? Do you have great-grandchildren? Would you like to see them graduate high school? Or, you know, you just try to throw some of these things in them.

Yeah, get them out of themselves and look at the bigger world. Sure. Makes sense. Yeah. Um, and you mentioned storytelling and sharing life experiences. That's, that's another activity that you would engage in. Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, so what other, what other ways are people coping that you come across that are a little bit, um, um, ineffective? Do you, do you see things like, um, denial? Do you see things like, um, kind of building walls and kind of not dealing with the people around them, not dealing with their world. You, you see kind of rigid defenses like that.

You froze on me.

Oh, uh, sorry. Okay, um, I see your screen had frozen. We'll get this edited out.

Yeah, yeah, you froze. You're still freezing. Am I— have I frozen to you?

Yeah, your screen is frozen. I mean, you're—

all right, so we're both frozen. Sorry about that. There you go. Better?

Oh yeah. Okay. All right, so we'll pick up here. Um, what have you seen, David, in terms of, uh, coping skills that are not, not as, uh, healthy or not as effective, like, you know, um, isolation and putting up walls and not wanting to deal with anything new or anything different. Do you, do you come across that in with your clients, with your members?

Yeah. Obviously isolation is one of the big problems with aging. I mean, social support, I call it the power of us. In my book, I have two powers in, in the book, the power of me and the power of us. And the power of me is your spirit. Uh, and what I, I sit down with them and I say, look, you, you're, you physically, you could be declining, even mentally you may decline, but your spirit can strengthen while you're declining. Focus on your spirit. This works obviously with people that are very religious. But it also works with non-religious people who look at the spirit more as, you know, meditation, living in that present moment. So strengthen your spirit is a way of combating isolation, depression. And then the other part is the power of us. And that's social interaction. That is such a big key, could be the biggest of all for human beings because we're social animals. And as you age, you lose your social support network.

Sure.

It dwindles to a point where you may be down to one. And that's where nonprofits like United We Age come in, we have volunteers that become their social network as well as, you know, the staff at these facilities are doing whatever they can. You know, there's nurses and there's activity directors and they're trying to get people involved in activities and interact with one another. And sometimes there are residents there that don't want any part of socializing. And that's where we sit down and we give them their birthday present and try to get them to smile. And one thing I found of all these things, there's a funny side of aging. And if you can introduce humor into the conversation, you get people to laugh and all of a sudden, their wall breaks down. I'm reminded of my grandmother. We called her Nana back in the old days.

Sure.

I visited her with my daughter at her facility. She was 94 years old, in a wheelchair, could hardly hear, was half blind, and we're wheeling her down the hallway to go down to her dining room. And there's another man and his daughter is wheeling him. And I say to them, hey, you want to race?

Uh-huh.

And they don't say a word. So my daughter's looking at me like, Dad, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me. So I keep on walking. All of a sudden that man says, okay, we'll race you. And, you know, I say, well, you're going to lose because my grandmother's known as the Galloping Granny here in this facility. Yeah, everybody started laughing. My grandmother, all of a sudden, a smile came across her face. She was laughing. We never really did race that day, but yeah, you know, it was a victory in itself.

Of course. Yeah, that's beautiful because it does— it kind of melts the tension. It eases some of that distress or irritability. And yeah, it takes us out of ourselves, the whole notion of laughter and play.

Yeah, laughter is the best medicine, as they say. It really does help older adults.

Yeah. Well, that's good. So tell us about the Youth Volunteer Program. How do you connect it with seniors?

Well, you know, the third part of our mission is intergenerational support. We, we really want to, um, to get generations to understand what it means to grow old. Um, you know, we're all born thinking that we're immortal, right? I mean, you don't think about finality when you're 10 years old, 12 years old, a teenager. And then they see their grandparents as just old people that are weak. So what we're trying to do now is introduce them to aging so that at a younger age they can appreciate where they're gonna be 50 years from now.

Sure.

And that intergenerational support to me is crucial. So we've, uh, we've created a youth volunteer program. We've got some high schools' guidance counselors and the principal agreeing to have students volunteer to these long-term care facilities and assisted living facilities.

Yeah.

Um, volunteer their time. They'll work with the activity directors, maybe do some arts and crafts. I might try to get some of them now to interview for life stories. I think that would be very effective for a high school student to learn about a life story of a 96-year-old.

Sure.

So we're doing that now locally. And if it works, if it's successful, I'd love to get that across the country to have a youth volunteer program. Sponsored by United We Age.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a great program. That's a great program. We've lost a lot of that connectivity, of course, as you know, we've kind of moved and separated from our parents and grandparents. So, we don't have that connection that earlier generations did.

Well, we no longer live in the same town.

Yeah. Yeah.

Unfortunately, those days are gone.

Yeah. Yeah. So, we can reconnect some of that. Generation and help, as you say, help the younger, younger adults, teenagers, people in their 20s, or even then see that we are all connected. It's not that we're so different or just, you know, different stages in our journey. Yeah, that's good.

You know, we have, uh, something new right now. Uh, we have— we're making bead bracelets. And what we're doing there, the United We Age logo is an elderly man with a cane with his daughter by his side and his grandson by their side. So it's the 3 generations. That's our logo.

Yeah.

So it looks like it's 3 generations, you know, generations supporting the elderly man.. And then we put that on our bracelet with a heart on both sides.

Uh-huh.

And then colorful beads. Oh, wow. And, um, we gave this out during the holidays and it was amazing. You know, our, our, our, uh, what we wanted to do, we thought, was to give it to the seniors, the residents, for them to wear. What happened was Some of the residents mentally just couldn't do it, but the nurses and the staff were lining up, uh, asking for a bead bracelet for their own. And the reason was because when they wear the bracelet, they're showing their support for the elderly generation.

Yeah, yeah.

So what we're doing now is we're, we're going to be contacting people like Taylor Swift, um, who when you go to her concerts, all those teenagers, all those students, uh, are exchanging friendship bead bracelets.

Yes.

With each other.

Yes.

And we're saying, well, we've got a Friends for Seniors bracelet.

Let's add that to the mix.

So if we can get some of these influencers, uh, to wear the bracelets, hopefully that will trigger the younger generations, a movement to, to support the older generation.

Yeah, well, I commend you, David. You've got a number of really kind of breakthroughs to reach out and connect and help to restore some of the kind of positivity in the older adults you work with. And I I love that you've got a number of programs and going in several meaningful directions. That's really good. So gold stars to you for that.

Well, it keeps me busy.

Yeah.

And as I'm aging, yeah, those challenges energize me. So I'm practicing what I preach. Yeah.

How can our listeners get more information or support your mission?

Go to www.unitedweage.org. Our website presents everything we do. There's a donation page there and there's even a volunteer page where if you want to volunteer, we welcome you with open arms. Obviously, local volunteers first, but anybody can volunteer across the nation. Because they can do other programs like the Life Stories program, or we can, if we can find volunteers that want to open a United We Age where they live.

Sure, sure.

We're here to help set that up.

Yeah, little satellite program, of course. Yeah, yeah, that's great. So, um, great conversation. If you could give our listeners, uh, one takeaway What would you want them to leave with?

Well, I mean, the big takeaway is support your seniors in need. Yeah. But, but the more philosophical takeaway is we've got to rewrite the aging narrative. You've got to take ownership of your life. The old script of aging, decline, weakness, let younger generations take over. It's their time now. That all needs to be thrown out. We need to write that new script. Baby boomers are beginning to do it. So it's a good sign. They're excited about retirement because there's second careers. There's adventure trips that they're taking there. They deal with physical decline without shame, but not everyone. There's still, in my observation, a lot of shame in growing old, and we need to rid of that. I remember my father wanted, you know, his hearing was going and he didn't want to wear a hearing aid. Didn't want to be seen wearing a hearing aid.

Sure. Sure.

Hopefully that script is changing. If your ears break, wear a hearing aid.

Yeah.

If your knees break, use a walker because that improves quality of life. And what's really important as we age is quality of life. Yeah. Maintaining it. And if we have medical advances and medical tools to maintain quality of life, we need to use them.

Yeah. Yeah. I agree 100%. That's all about adapting and adjusting to the changes. And to me, that's what successful aging is all about. That, yeah, we're not all going to live to 100. I mean, many of us will, but it's not in the cards for everybody, but we still can stay positive no matter what gets in the way. And that's what you're talking about.

Enjoy your journey, no matter how short or long it is. The journey is yours.

Yeah. Well, thank you very much. That was a great conversation on something I know our listeners will benefit from.

Well, thank you for being here.

Great, great. Looks like we're out of time. Um, David, before we wrap up, I just want to remind my listeners to visit my website, livingto100.club. Sign up as a club insider. You'll enjoy benefits including free copies of some articles and, um, 100 inspirational quotes that I've put together. And if you're affiliated with a senior living community, take a look at my Better, Longer, and Happier card deck series. They're on my online store at livingto100.solutions. 12 modules designed to promote positive aging and engagement, something we've been talking about today. Thank you so much, David, for being a guest on our show today. Your website is www.unitedweage.org, and people can go there and learn more about your work and hopefully get more involved. So great, thank you.

Thank you, it was a pleasure.

Great, you're welcome. And thanks to all of our listeners for tuning in. Hope to see you next time.