The Top Three Attributes to Cultivate Healthy Aging

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast.

Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani. Well, hello to everyone joining us today on our podcast. You're listening to the Living to 100 Club, and I'm your host, Joe Casciani. If you're looking for inspiration about your future and staying positive when hit with setbacks, you're in the right place. We're here to help you get the best out of all the years we are given, regardless of what obstacles come our way. From my articles and podcasts to our club membership, I want to invite you to join our community and stay uplifted about aging and keeping a positive mindset in all that you do. Today, we're talking with Debra Valentina. We're going to discuss the top attributes to cultivate healthy aging. We'll take a close look at what are the attributes or traits associated with healthy, positive aging, what works best when it comes to living longer, healthier, and happier. First, a little background. Debra, is the founder of Creativine. She's an intuitive mindset coach for high-achieving entrepreneurs and executives, international speaker, facilitator, and author. Her memoir Beyond Chaos: Journey to Freedom and Joy was published in 2020. One of Deborah's greatest gifts is to empower women and men to create fully expressed and joyful lives. You can reach Debra at www.creativeing.info. That's C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-N-G dot info. Debra, welcome to our program.

Well, I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you for the invitation.

Great, you're very welcome. I'm looking forward to our conversation.

As am I.

Good. So I always like to begin by asking our guests to tell us a little bit about the journey or the road that took you to where you are today?

Well, um, I— that's a great question, and it took me a while to figure out what, what highlights or lowlights I wanted to, uh, tell the listeners. So, uh, as early as I can remember, I really wanted to empower people, particularly women and girls, to be fully self-expressed. Expressed and fully who they are. And I'm sure that came— that, you know, that desire came from, you know, my background. And that is that I grew up with a father that thought children should be heard and not seen. I'm sure some of your listeners can relate to that. And that was very suppressing to a joyful, outgoing child like myself. It was like, tortured to be quiet. That's all I wanted to do was express. Um, so, uh, I was in the hospital actually at an early age, uh, and remember, uh, saying that I could do better than whoever was in charge, um, at my local hospital. So fast forward, I was trained as a healthcare management executive from Berkeley and Stanford and have been involved in healthcare and mentoring and coaching ever since. And I spent my early career with, with Kaiser and Travelers and First Health before starting my own healthcare consulting and coaching practice that I've had for— I can't believe it— but over 35 years.

Wow.

And now I'm exclusively, as you said in the intro, I'm exclusively now a mindset coach and author and a speaker.

So as a speaker, as an author, as a facilitator, what is the message? What is the overriding theme that you like to share with your audiences?

Well, usually it's, it's, it's actually 3 things and, and well, more than that, but I, for, for this audience, I'm really seeing 3 things: that you're responsible for your life, meaning that no matter what happens to you, how do— how you respond to what occurs to you is what, is what really matters. And the second thing that, that really goes along with that is that I believe there's always a learning or a silver lining in the things that that we might label as negative, but there's always a learning, again, is my belief. And the third is just that I believe you can find humor in every situation or almost every situation. And I love to find the humor in everyday living, and I love to laugh, and I do laugh a lot. So it seems to ameliorate the, you know, any, any of the bad things.

Yeah, yeah. Take some of the edge off, doesn't it? Sure.

It sure does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, those are 3 important principles or beliefs or philosophies. I especially like the first one where not only are we responsible for our life, but we're responsible for how we respond to events that come along, how we explain or interpret these events to ourselves. I talk a lot about that when I discuss healthy aging and, you know, moving forward. It's that interpretation, that explanation. Can you think of some examples of what you mean by this or where you see it?

Sure. And maybe I'll just talk about my— talk about myself. And that is that, you know, you mentioned my book, Beyond Chaos: Journey to Freedom and Joy. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family. Some would, you know, another word for it is abusive. And what I know is it made me the strong, independent, person that I am, and it also informed what I do now, which is to help, uh, literally, I have in my career hundreds of thousands of people, particularly women, um, to empower them. And so, you know, I could have, uh, been a victim, you know, from, from all of that, and, uh, I was not. And, and in fact I wrote my book in the last— and as you said, it was published last year, but I waited for quite a long time because I was clear I did not want to have any even remnants of victimhood in the book because the purpose of the book was to be inspiring, not to be a downer.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. The more we look at the past and bring the past into our present, the more it can color our perceptions or influence us. Yeah. And the point you made, you made a choice and we do have a choice how we react to these situations. And, you know, your interpretation was that I can learn from this, I can grow from this. On the other hand, somebody else might say, gee, I must be worthless, be very critical and have a very negative self-image from the same kind of environment. So you're, you're really affirming that whole, that whole principle of how do we explain these events? How do we experience it and move on in a positive way?

Yeah. And I'm just chuckling to myself because my clients, you know, one of the nicknames that the clients give me is I'm the reframe queen.

Yeah.

So whatever is coming out of, uh, your friend's or client's mouth that is negative, I usually, especially if they're open to it, help them to reframe it so that it, it, so that it lives in a more positive vein.

Yeah, yeah, the same event, the same situation, it can be viewed many different ways.

Absolutely. Yeah, there's no question about that.

The oldest example, I think, is still the best one, is the glass half full or half empty. I mean, an 8-ounce glass with 4 ounces of water is both. It's both half full and it's both half empty. So how do we, how do we interpret that? And of course, that applies to so many different situations. So, let's talk about healthy aging for a little bit. And as you know, and as I know, healthy aging has many components. Let's talk about the attributes of the senior that helps him or her live longer. What are some of these qualities?

Yeah, so, we alluded to some, but I have 3. I'm big on the 3 because it's something that people can— or remember, one is a forward-looking mindset. So, to plan things to look forward to. So, you know, what's on your bucket list? I have an ongoing bucket list. And if I take something off of my bucket list, I add something to it. So, I always have a full bucket that I'm looking forward to. And an example, just because it pops up, is I've always wanted to see John Legend in concert. And Sunday night he was in Denver and I got to see him. And I was beyond thrilled. And I'm going, "You are on my bucket list!" Screaming it. Of course, he is not, you know, there's literally tens of thousands of people in the audience. So, I'm sure he didn't hear me say that he was on my bucket list. But I was high, you know, well, I think I still am high from it. And it was something on my bucket list.

Yeah, that's great. That's great. Before you leave us to go to the next one, let me ask you, why is it important to have this future outlook, to have this set of goals or things to look forward to? What's— how does that help us?

Well, because it helps us know that we have a future. And, you know, the— yeah, and it makes— and I can speak for myself, it makes me happy to know that there's all these things to look forward to. So it's, you know, positive energy, positive juice for the future. And just to say, both, you know, I witness both my maternal and paternal grandfathers, when they, they had a list of things they wanted to do and they did them. And literally, I remember my paternal grandfather finishing a do-it-yourself project and he had nothing else on his list and he literally died within weeks. And so that obviously, that obviously affected me. And, um, it's like, you know, I just believe we human beings need things to look forward to.

Sure, sure. Yeah, I read a book recently by Twyla Tharp. She's the choreographer, and she talks about, you know, staying busy, and she calls it non-stop engagement. She's in her late 70s and still working full-time, and creating these choreographies and really very busy with their training and classes. And the nonstop engagement is such a nice— has a nice ring to it because it's, as you say, when one item comes off your list, let's add another one because it's a dynamic process to engage.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah.

And I love Twyla Tharp. And yeah, she's one of my heroines. So it's funny that you mentioned that book. And I love engage— the word engagement, because that's really, you know, I believe one of the reasons we're on the planet is to engage, engage in life.

Yeah, yeah, that's so important. Yeah, so let's continue.

Number 2. Yes, and the second one is related, but to having a positive and hopeful outlook, particularly having healthy self-talk. And to know when you're not having healthy self-talk. And I have a little process actually for myself. If I observe myself saying something negative about myself or judging others, I literally say out loud, cancel, clear, and then and then say something that negates whatever the negative, uh, thought was. And I find it really helpful. And, and I'm getting, um, better at the healthy self-talk because I've done so many Cancel Clears that it's literally training my brain to have healthier self-talk.

Yeah, I like that. I like that principle there, cancel clear, because the self-talk is always going on. And, you know, we talk about being good monitors, good observers of that, and that's what you're talking about, being aware of that, especially the negative self-talk, and correcting it when we hear it, when we experience it, and shifting to something that cancels it out and is the almost the flip side of the negative. Yeah.

Yes. And, and, um, I would also emphasize not just healthy self-talk but also not judging others. And when I find myself judging others, I do Cancel/Clear as well and then find something positive to say about someone. And it, it can It can be in my head, or it can be if something negative slips out and I notice it to immediately correct it.

Yeah, that's a good point. It's a good point. It's not only about ourselves, but it is about others as well. Yeah. And being aware of that because it still happens. We're always judging and it's easy to find fault in ourselves and it's easy to find fault in others. So Gotta be aware of that. Sure.

Yeah. And, and I do find, um, that the more I practice, the better I get, uh, the better I get at it. So that's, that's hopeful to me, that it can get— it can decrease, it can get less as I practice, um, being more, more positive.

Great. Good.

And then going on to some, uh, the The third thing is good healthy habits. And those take— I see, you know, for myself that there's 5 that are prime: regular exercise, healthy nutrition, restful sleep, quiet time or daily meditation, and like we talked about, a positive mindset. So those are my top top 5 that I again try to practice, not only try to, but practice in my, in my own life.

Sure. Yeah. So it balances the, the other principles you're talking about, the healthy habits, staying healthy through, as you mentioned, exercise, nutrition, proper sleep, quiet meditation periods, and this positive mindset. Yeah. So How do you define mindset and how do we cultivate a positive mindset? We hear a lot about mindset.

Yes, absolutely. So, I defined mindset actually as quite simply as the chattering that's going on in your head. So, is it negative or positive? Is it helpful or is it harmful?

Is—

and Yeah, so, so that's really— and you, as you mentioned, the important thing is to be able to observe it. We, we can't do anything about it if we don't know it's— if we don't know what's happening. So you, so you must notice that you're saying something negatively about yourself or others. And then I, then I have already shared, that's when cancel clear comes, comes in. And I have said cancel clear in, you know, out loud in whatever situation, and I've stopped getting embarrassed over it just because it literally clears the energy.

So the 3 principles, I mean, the attributes that we're talking about, the forward-looking mindset, hopeful outlook about our future, and Good health habits. You know, I'm always concerned or mindful of older adults who have these setbacks, some medical setbacks, some physical, maybe a personal loss. And I think sometimes maybe some people have difficulty seeing a positive future for themselves when they're hit with some negative event. How do we stay hopeful in the face of these circumstances?

Well, that's a really great question and not always easy is what I would first say. But what I find is that, and this is my own practice, is that no matter what's happening and if I'm labeling it negative, and then there's still something to be grateful for. So, you know, for instance, a couple, probably about a year and a half ago, and I might have had COVID before it was actually, you know, in, in, in everyone's mindset. But anyway, I was very, very sick, and, uh, it's, and it was flu-like and lung-involved, and I am a healthy, healthy, healthy woman, which I'm so grateful for. And so I needed to find something that I was grateful for in this situation, in this situation while I was, while I was getting better. And two of the, you know, probably the biggest thing that I was grateful for is that I had people that— because I'm a single woman, I live by myself— I had people that I could reach out to, dear, dear friends that I could reach out to both locally and people to talk to around the country that helped boost me, helped boost me up. And so, I'm not saying it was easy to find something grateful for as I'm, you know, taking every over-the-counter thing that I could have imagine. So, uh, I think gratitude is, is really a salve for a lot of things.

Sure, I like that point because it is a matter of not just focusing on what's wrong or what bad event or, you know, unpleasant event has occurred. We want to look at the whole picture. I, I use the analogy of taking our blinkers off. Sometimes when we're depressed or very stressed and, you know, looking at all of our disappointments, it's all we see in front of us. When we take off the blinkers, we can see the whole picture and we can see, gee, there really are a lot of positives here. So I might be very sick, but there are people in my life that care about me and support. I mean, just as one example. So we, we can recognize that there are a lot of positives, and I call it the kind of our residual strengths. It's so easy to lose sight of them. When all we see is what's wrong, or maybe a disappointment or a failure. I would talk about that with nursing staff when I worked in nursing homes and helping them to see, okay, this person may be physically impaired, but let's find some strength, some residual strength. Maybe they still have ability to self-care and hygiene, or maybe they have a good sense of humor. Let's recognize some of those positives. Don't just dwell on the negatives. I think that's, that's what you're saying too. And let's not just get lost in what's wrong, but let's, let's also see what's right.

Yeah, absolutely. And, and I, I literally have trained myself to, um, to do that. And it's also, um, it's also part of what I do as a coach. Like when I, when my clients are getting into that narrow view, as I call it, the narrow view, Then I ask questions to help them see the, you know, the larger picture.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's so easy to lose sight of that because I think that's one thing that depression does very well. It narrows our perspective. So, getting back to the healthy aging and the health habits, can you give some examples of nutrition, you know, good Good eating habits, dietary habits, what do you recommend?

Well, I can, since I'm not trained in any of this, I'm going to speak from my perspective in terms of what I do that I've learned from a whole cadre of experts. So, I move, move my body 4 to 5 times a week. And I will only do things that I think are fun. So, you know, going to the gym by myself is— I do not see as fun, but I, I walk. I have a beautiful walking trail across the street from me. I love to dance. So I literally put on music, especially in the winter when I can't get out. I put on music and dance my little tushy off. To the music. Hopefully the neighbors aren't watching, but I guess it's okay if they do. And then exercise classes, you know, the SilverSneakers, which is, you know, now nationwide, and my health plan pays for it. I go to exercise classes, especially again in the winter when I can't, it's snowing and I can't get outside.

Sure.

And then healthy eating, healthy nutrition. I actually am mostly a vegetarian and eat some fish, but fruits, vegetables, lean protein if you eat meat, and few carbs. That one is the one that gets me because I love my pasta and bread, and so I have to really be mindful of the carbs. But I eat really, really well. And what I find for myself is if I— on Sundays, I make things for the whole week because I'm very— I have a full life during the week. And so I prepare so that I have healthy things in the refrigerator and have, you know, have made something. And sometimes midweek, like tonight, I'll make a vegetable soup for myself. And that lasts for a long time.

Sure.

Yeah. And then for sleep, I love my sleep. And I actually get about 9 hours of sleep. Now, the Experts, you know, say from 7 to 9 hours a night. I'm sort of on the, on the 9-hour end of that. And then I have been literally meditating for, dare I say, over 45 years. So when I was in my early 20s, I started meditating. And I know some people, you know, have a hard time quieting their mind. So it can be— that's why I say quiet time or meditation. But I can tell when I have not meditated in the morning, I'm not as calm, I'm not as centered. Um, so it's, it's— so it's total meta— motivation. It's total motivation to meditate.

Yeah. Yeah, you see the reward, you see the, the effect that that meditation brings for you. That's some good advice. You have some good recommendations, um, the nutrition, the, the sleeping patterns, the exercise, and the quiet time. That's really good. We already talked about the mindset, the mental attitude. So that's good information. I wonder, you've written several books, uh, well, 3 books anyway. Um, the latest one you mentioned, the Beyond Chaos Journey to Freedom and Joy, and that was written as a reflection of your, your background and what you've learned and how you've developed as a professional. Is there something else that you've communicated in your other books?

Uh, yes. Well, my first book is called Heart Ignited: Living a Fully Express Life, and it's about healthy practices to live a joyful A Fully Express Life. And it— I wrote it after 25, just at about the 25-year mark of my coaching. So I've learned so much from, from research and reading, but mostly from interacting with my beautiful clients. So it's all of my— the first book was all about my best practices for living that joyful life. And then this, my second book, is an e-handbook that's available on my website, again, creativing.info. And it's my best wisdom after 30 years of being a coach and have added, you know, essentially all of the things that you know, some of which we've talked about today, but all of the practices that I do myself to be a thriving, healthy, high-functioning senior adult. So, it's the— and it's very condensed. It's very juicy, as I say.

Wow.

And then, yes, the memoir is As I said earlier, is, is to inspire that no matter what you've gone through, that you can come out thriving on the other side of it.

Sure. Yeah. That's some great content you're sharing. So your website is creativine.info. Aside from your books, what will visitors find when they go to your website?

Yes. Well, lots of good things. It'll be, of course, a description of services that I provide, but there's a tab called Deborah Featured, and it's all of my latest and greatest podcasts. And I've done— during COVID I, I've been on a roll, and I've done almost 40 of them now. And so there's lots of really, really good personal development, uh, advice and guidance in, in those. So that's under, um, Deborah Features.

Featured. Great, great. And people can buy your books there? Your books are available on the website?

And the— to get my memoir, I actually have a separate website, so you can— it's beyondchaosbook.com. Um, so it's the beyondchaosbook.com, and you just click in, uh, and it goes straight to Amazon, the, uh, correct Amazon page. So it's easier to, to access it through, through that website.

Sure. Okay, so that's beyondchaosbook.com for direct access to that memoir, and the website has your other books available as well as the Deb Featured collection of your conversations and podcasts. That's great. That's great. Yeah. So it's been a fun conversation. Deborah, let me ask you, what message do you hope our listeners take away from this conversation today?

Yeah. Well, of course I'm gonna do my 3 just cuz I, that's how I think. But, um, to watch your negative self-talk is the first. The second is that there's a silver lining in every situation, or at least that's what I believe. And that the third is that there's a plethora of resources available to tap into for healthy aging. We just mentioned my website and the resources there, but you can Google healthy aging and you will be, um, you will have resources for the rest of this life and some future lives. There's so much available.

Yeah. Any favorites? Any favorite sites you like?

That's a good, that's a good question. I love, uh, what comes up is I love The Joyful Diet by Martha Beck. So anything that Martha Beck does but she did a book early on called The Joyful Diet. And you can just Google The Joyful Diet by Martha Beck, and I highly recommend that.

Mm-hmm. Great. Great. Well, as I said, it looks like we're out of time for today, but before we wrap up, I just want to remind our listeners about a few items. I'm pleased to announce a co-sponsor for our podcast. A Mighty Good Time. Are you looking for ways to engage and stay active? Check out amightygoodtime.com. It's a one-stop shop for events and activities for those 50 and over. So it's free to search and it's free to post. amightygoodtime.com. There's also an offering on my website where individuals can arrange one-on-one coaching calls with Dr. Joe. That's me, to discuss bouncing back from setbacks. How can we tap into our resilient self? How can we find ways to make it over those obstacles we face on our different journeys? Take a look at the Work with Dr. Joe tab on our website, livingto100.club. Also, be sure to subscribe to our email list to receive our newsletter and other announcements. Finally, pick up a copy of my book on Amazon, Living Longer Is the New Normal. I think that whatever age you're at, inspiration and a positive mindset can be put to good use. That's my message. And I think that's something our guests would agree with today.

Deborah, absolutely.

Yeah, great, great. We've been talking with Deborah Valentina. Thanks so much, Deborah, for being a guest on our show. For those who might want to contact you, how can they do that?

Yes, to, uh, my website with so much information, and it's creativing.info, and that's C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-N-G dot info.

Great.

And it's been a joy. Thank you.

Oh, you're sure welcome. You're very welcome. And thanks to everyone for tuning into this episode. Hope to see you next time.

Hi, this is Suzanne Newman, host of the Answers for Elders podcast and radio show. We are the North Star that guides you through the complicated journey of senior care with trusted experts in money, law, living solutions, and more. So join us on this station, your favorite podcast channel, or just go to answersforelders.com. Meet the wayshowers who will help your journey a lot easier.