Three Perspectives on Aging Well: Caregiving, Longevity, and Fraud Prevention

Welcome to the Living to 100 Club Podcast. Here's our host, Dr. Joseph Casciani.

Well, hello to everyone joining us today on our podcast. You're listening to the Living to 100 Club, and I'm your host Joseph Casciani. Before we introduce our guests, I'd like to remind everyone that I'm available for public speaking events, particularly to community organizations and senior groups. I love to talk to others about aging well and making it over those hurdles. There's an option on my website to book a call to discuss a presentation for your group. I also offer one-on-one coaching for help bouncing back from struggles and setbacks. You can see this option as well on my website. And one last item of self-promotion: if you're looking for a consultant or trainer on clinical topics like dementia or depression, this is my wheelhouse. So feel free to contact me if there's a need in your organization. Contact options are on my website. Again, that's livingto100.com. Now on to our podcast. Our guest today is Dr. Alexis Abramson. We'll be talking about a proactive approach to aging. Before we begin, let me give you a little background on Dr. Abramson. Dr. Abramson is a leading expert in gerontology with a specific focus on longevity, caregiving, and fraud prevention. Alexis received a doctorate in gerontology from the University of Southern California and was trained in cybersecurity fraud prevention at Harvard University. Her sought-after insight and experience have led her worldwide as an inspiring speaker, author, spokesperson, corporate trainer, consultant, and entrepreneur. Dr. Abramson is well known as an Emmy and Gracie Award-winning journalist who has appeared frequently as an on-air expert for NBC's Today Show, CNN, CBS, Fox, MSNBC, and many other media outlets. Dr. Abramson is the recipient of numerous professional accolades, including Woman Magazine General Entrepreneurial Excellence Award, Atlanta Small Business Person of the Year Award, 40 Under 40 Award, American Society on Aging Outstanding Business Award, and many others. We are thrilled to have you on our podcast today, Alexis. Welcome to our show.

Thank you, Joe. It is so great to be here. I appreciate it very much. And I love hearing about the 40 Under 40 Award. It sounds like ages ago, which it was.

Ah, yeah, yeah. So now it's 50 Under 50.

And that's right, that's right. Although I don't think they give those out. I think it's just— we ought to change that.

That's right, that's right. 80 is the new 60.

That's right.

60 is the new 80. Yeah. So thanks very much for being a guest. I, I have a lot of questions. I'm thrilled to have you on our program today, and I always like to begin by asking our guests to tell us a little bit about the journey that brought you to where you are today. You've traveled down many roads and you have many accomplishments, but what brought you to where you are today?

Yeah, it's a great question, Joe, and one that's really important to me. I have a great deal of passion for mature adults and for the aging population, and that really started with my relationship with my grandparents. I had this very, very close relationship with them. And I remember being in, even in elementary school where I would, you know, in my opinion, had the honor to go visit my grandparents and everyone else, it seemed like they were going to the dentist or getting their teeth pulled. I mean, you know, it just was something they didn't want to do. And all I really wanted to do was really hear their stories. And I found myself, it didn't matter if whether it was a CEO I was talking to or a janitor, asking them questions about their aging experience. And that really led one thing to the next. And it turned out that I was fortunate enough to, you know, get into being in college and my graduate school at a time when baby boomers were really at the peak. So, everything just sort of worked out for me and have been an entrepreneur in the field for over 25 years now.

Well, yeah, so you have a number of specialties, special interests, and really developed a lot of expertise in, in 3 areas in particular, and I hope to get to these 3 areas. Let's begin by talking about caregiving, especially for the sandwich generation— people who are working, dealing with, have parents who are aging, as well as their own children that they're raising. So what do caregivers need to know about how to be effective with their parents? Especially, we always want to protect our parents, but we also want to allow them a certain amount of independence and freedom. So how does the adult child balance those, those two sides?

You know, it's such a— it's another great question because this is one of the topics and one of the areas I'm asked about so frequently, especially from caregivers in the sandwich generation. And my first response, Joe, is always care for the caregiver. If you as a caregiver are don't have the strength and, and the ability to kind of hold it all together, especially if your parents are in a disease state or aging, um, and are sort of, you know, in their later states of aging when they need you the most. That's very, very difficult for both you and for your family members. I think, you know, one of the things that we need to be thoughtful about is being the CEO of our caregiving, you know, making sure that we organize it in a way so that it's not just like we're throwing pasta at the wall, that we really have a plan, that we've created a way where we can have a support system that makes sense. And really understanding we can't do it all ourselves. And I think a lot of times we land up trying to do everything, especially for our loved ones, and it's just impossible. So I guess my number 1 tip would be care for the caregiver. Number 2 would be, and not in any sort of order, but elicit as much help and support system as you can. And also communicate openly and honestly with your parent about what you think you can do, and perhaps it's time to bring in some outside help or some outside care.

Sure. Yeah, there is a lot of outside expertise and support systems available, especially for people who are feeling a lot of stress with their aging parents. So that balance— I mean, the older adult, the 80 or 90-year-old who still wants to drive and go to the store and maybe go to the Y Yes. The adult son or daughter is concerned about mom's driving. What do we do? How do you, how do you balance those, those different priorities?

Yeah. So, um, I, I work with, as you do, a lot of different companies as not only someone that helps them figure out how to plan for the future of their employees internally, externally, what to do with, with caregiving, but also with caregiving companies. And one of them that I do work with is called Comfort Keepers. And it really talks to what you were just talking about. They're in-home care— they're in-home caregivers, and they're trained in many disease states, and they're trained so they can be an effective resource for families nationwide. One of the reasons why I really bring them up is when you talk about, you know, how do you take the keys away, right? How do you stop your aging loved one from cooking? How do you do all of this? Where there are in-home care companies that can help you. And the way that Comfort Keepers does it, which I think is really cool, and that kind of— it's very aligned with the way I think, is through joy and purpose and positivity. So when you think about you know, taking the keys away. They like to say instead of, you know, it's time for you to stop driving, a mature adult, they say, oh, we're, you know, we have a chauffeur that's gonna drive for you now. You've been driving your whole life. Or we have a personal chef that's gonna drive for you. And so, you know, excuse me, is going to cook for you. Or we have someone who's just a friend that's gonna sit with you and be a companion. So I really think when you look at caregiving as a whole, if you can begin to look through an entirely different lens, and that's what I talk to people a lot, you know, we always have as a society globally, talked about caregiving as such a downer and something that we're dreading. And if there's any way that— and you know this from the mental standpoint— if there's any way that we can look at it more as, you know, elevating the human spirit and trying to create more happiness in our lives regardless of our disease state, that would be really, really helpful. And so that's what I go into my conversations with people, into my— when I give speeches, when I write books, I talk about just that. I talk about, listen, You know, I think as Rosalynn Carter said, for any of us, it's inevitable pretty much that we'll be a caregiver, have one in our life, know a caregiver. And so if there's any way that we can contemplate the way we look at it differently and the way we create the model of caregiving differently, I think that's super helpful in terms of our meeting personal caregiver demands and those of our loved ones.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great example. I mean, I love that. We used to call it reframing, right? Where if Comfort Keeper says, no, no, you can't drive anymore. Instead they say, well, you've been driving a long time. We have a nice service that can get you around. You don't have to worry about parking or walking too far. So that's the reframe. And I have heard a similar story about kind of home health expert being called in. And then, you know, the older couple is just overwhelmed completely with taking care of this huge home in La Jolla. And They want to say, look, you know, you're too old to manage this. And I'm thinking, well, why not say, gee, you can do this. You manage this home all by yourself, kind of build on their strengths rather than what their weaknesses are. You must be incredible that you can manage this huge home and the yard and all that. So, it is reframing and putting the emphasis on the positives because it's not always a loss. There are some real benefits to those changes. I can really appreciate that approach of Comfort Keepers. And is this an organization that's nationwide or?

They are nationwide. They are not only nationwide, but they do also have some offices in other countries as well. And they're, you know, a leading provider. And what you just said, what I really love is that uplifting solution. And also, you know, we're landing in this situation, which you can appreciate of so many people having, I just did quite a bit of media around Alzheimer's Month in November. And so many people in a disease state where they're living so much longer, right? And it's really impacting their family members. And it's, I call it caregiver stacking, 'cause you could have a 100-year-old in your life and a 70-year-old and a 50-year-old, and all of them might need care. So one of the things with Comfort Keepers is that they're highly trained in disease states and qualified. And I think that's what we need to look for is to, you know, hire places that would do in-home care for us that create safety and security and make you feel more comfortable. Especially with so many women that are now in the workforce and have been in the workforce, which to whom a lot of primary caregiving falls on. Although I know there are so much, so many more men that are also involved, but just knowing that you can leave your home and you're leaving it with someone who is qualified, but also is, is, is a, you know, is it, I don't want to use the word cheerleader, but as you said, isn't, is more about the solutions, not the problems.

Sure, yeah. And you're talking about the importance of reaching out when we're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, or just for some solutions or some answers. I can see where, you know, there's a single caregiver for many families, and there might be siblings around, but they're not wanting to help. Well, let's just leave Sally to manage, she's so much better with mom and dad. How does Sally get How does she solicit other siblings, other family members to help out with all of these demands? Any solutions you've come across?

Absolutely. And I think Sally is a great example of what's happening out there with primary caregivers. And I never really understand it. I think the first thing that Sally needs to do, that that primary caregiver needs to do, is to let your family members know you need them. You know, you might need each of them in a different way. And I wrote an article, it was called The Five Languages of Caring. And, you know, really looking at looking at all of this and saying, okay, my brother might be more interested in paying for transportation to go to the doctor than he would be interested in sitting with mom. Or my sister-in-law is really good at making meals, so she may want to do that instead of something else. And coming up with solutions that family members will appreciate, and that's a way for them to become more involved because it's not something that's so outside of their wheelhouse. I also think another big challenge, Joe, is that we hold on to resentments. Family members hold on to resentment throughout their lives, and there's got to be a point where we can let bygones be bygones and just realize we're at another place, another spot, another juncture, and we have to focus on our aging loved ones. And I want to reiterate, too, it's not only our parents. It can be close friends. They call it fictive kin. Are you familiar with that term, fictive kin?

No.

So it's, it means that it's not somebody you're related by blood, but it may be somebody that you're very close to. And it came from mostly from African American churches because there were so many people that were close to, to the elders in their community. And so, you know, just making sure that, you know, your family isn't just restricted to your personal family, but maybe there's an extension there. So you want to, might want to look beyond your siblings for help. Yeah, sorry.

Oh, go ahead.

You know, I would just also mention that, and I am— that we need to, to not discount men. I think a lot of times, and I, and I don't mean to, to, to say anything negative, but a lot of times we let the men and the brothers in, in, in our lives slide, the husbands a little bit slide. You know, they're just going to build the ramp, or they're going to do, you know, the things that are, uh, that may be more indicative of the role they may have played in the past. But I think it's really important that we look closely at each of our siblings and not just the women in our family.

Yeah, yeah, that's so important to get rid of some of those stereotypes where men can't cook the meals for, for dad, or, you know, they can't go over and help out with some of the chores at home. Yeah, that's so important. Let's get rid of some of those old stereotypes.

Yeah, yep. And then one other thing I would add, Joe, is is holding your tongue. I think being thoughtful about your criticism. You know, I've seen caregivers come and they will go to a house and they, you know, you'll have— I just heard about, I heard this story and someone just actually went on my website and asked me about it. They said, listen, I've had everybody over for Thanksgiving. It was great. But I noticed that I was telling my siblings what to do and not to do. Mom doesn't like this. She likes this. She doesn't want to do this. She wants to do this. And they they finally sat me down and said, so do you want our help? Do you not want our help? What's going on? So just kind of being a little bit easier on the others if you're the primary caregiver.

Yeah, yeah. And it is important to express our needs, to communicate the needs, but let's be mindful of the criticisms, right? Because things are not exactly what we want. Plan A is not the best solution. Sometimes Plan B is the best solution.

I love the way you said that. That's so true.

Yeah. Yeah. That's really important to communicate the needs and not let the anger control us or the resentment or the buildup from past grudges. Let's let that go and focus on how we can find some solutions today. That's really— Yeah.

You know, it's also open lines of communication. Excuse my interrupting, but open lines of communication, especially for your nuclear family. Especially for spouse, you know, and significant others, to make sure that everyone— I always say be the CEO of your own caregiving. And when I say that, I mean to not only plan for your parent and what might be needed, or your grandparent, but this bifurcation of why you're doing that. Come up with your own plan for your caregiving and really talk things through. Be communicative with your children and your spouse and, and the other people, you know, your fictive kin, everybody else in your family. About what you're looking for. I've seen so many times, you know, someone will put, will put their aging loved one in an assisted living or a continuing care retirement community when all they want to do is live with them, or the vice versa. And it was because they never communicated about it and talked about what's best, you know, for them. Is it in-home care? Are they in an Alzheimer's state where they need 24/7 care? You know, how, what's best? And that communication is critical.

Yes, that's so true. I had a guest on my podcast recently, actually it's being published tomorrow, who's a disability rights advocate, and she spent her whole career advocating for the rights of disabled people. And she says it's so important to plan not just for our parents but to plan for ourselves because we have to be aware of the possibility that we may need a ramp A bathroom on the first floor, or we may need doorways that can handle wheelchairs. So not to put it off and say, oh, that's not me, but really recognize the fact that we can reduce a lot of that stress down the road by making some good solid planning today. That's really good. Very good tips. Very good tips, Alexis. I appreciate this. Let me shift to another area, which is huge, and this is the topic of longevity and aging well and living longer. As you said, we are living longer. We have a lot more years in front of us than we ever used to. And first of all, how do we get on the right road to living longer? And what do we do with these, these extra years that we have available?

Uh, you know, I, I think the number one thing that I would definitely say is be proactive, right? If you're in your 50s, um, now is the time. If you're in your 30s, now is the time. Just make sure that you begin to to create a plan for yourself. And it's fairly easy now with the internet to understand— aging myself— but now with the internet to be able to really come up with the best of practice in terms of longevity. And, and, you know, obviously that's eating right. That's, that's being engaged. That's, you know, we could, that's, you know, creating, you know, financial wherewithal and all of that. But also it's looking at where you are today and not just being proactive, proactive, but knowing that you can be reactive. You know, the American Cancer Society comes comes out with these statistics and talks about how much, how many more years you can add to your life. It doesn't matter if you stop at 50, 60, 70, 80 smoking, you can still add many more years to your life. You know, in, in Spain they nap and research comes out and talks about, you know, cardiovascular challenges really coming down if you just nap. I know a lot of you are listening and saying, wait, am I supposed to ask my boss to nap 30 minutes during the middle of the day? But yes, you know, figuring out how to do that and it all will change. Your, what I call your keys to longevity. And, and I really think that the 4 keys that, that, that I talk about a lot, and I love your, your, you know, your concept of 100 years and longevity in the club. That's really very cool. But it's really looking at your body, right? From the perspective of mobility, you know, what's happening from a sensory standpoint, what is normal aging versus not normal aging, and also chronic conditions and chronic diseases and learning more about those. So that's one of the keys is body. And then second one would be mind, you know, learning more about memory. And I'm not just talking, we need to do Sudoku or we need to do crossword puzzles. I'm talking about things like if you go to the grocery store the same time and same way every day, or to work the same way, and you've been doing it for a decade, change your route, you know, mix your, mix things up just a little bit and being mindful, you know, from a memory standpoint. And I don't mind being mindful with the two L's. I mean, my, you know, mindfulness, really stopping and saying, okay, you know, where am I today in my aging process? And when I say aging, I like to say, you know, birth to death, because just in the last few minutes that we've been speaking, we've both been aging. We've all been aging. The listeners have been aging. So, it's not just aging in that old terminology, but like you say, reframing the way we think about it. Social is important in terms of longevity and creating a community around you, a support system, I'll keep going back to this fictive kin. It doesn't have to be just your family, but a support system that will help you stay engaged. You know, really thinking about lifestyle changes. My mom, for instance, is a huge lifelong learner and I can't keep up with her. You know, she'll be hang gliding. She's in her early 80s. She'll be hang gliding. She'll be doing all kinds of different things. And I can see how that changes her brain. My dad, who's also in his 80s, was a bodybuilder that he started, you know, amateur bodybuilder he started in his 70s. You know, start doing things, even if you think it's not going to lead you to professional something, just if it's doing something that's making you happy and those endorphins and serotonin and dopamine and neurons are firing. But I always go back to this, Joe, and this is really the big thing is plan early financially. And I think that, you know, this is important and it's whatever your financial acumen or your financial structure, what's right for you. So for, for some people it may be that they you know, think a yacht may lead to longevity. And for others, they want to live somewhere where they feel comfortable, that their family is close, and they don't need a whole lot of money. But just really thinking it through. If you look at the average amount of retirement income that folks have right now, it is so low. And we don't know what's happening from an economic standpoint from day to day right now. So just really being— I think there's a lot of— you can have body, mind, and social,. But that support underneath it all, that sort of bucket underneath it, for me, in my mind, is making sure that you're financially set to go.

Yeah, that's great. Well-rounded. 4 different areas, and they overlap, of course, but really important to emphasize the body and medical and health awareness. And we can't, you know, we can't start thinking about living to 100 in our 80s, right? I mean, we need to start in our 30s or 40s and and being aware of possible chronic conditions that come along. And what do we do? We know so much today about how to avoid these chronic conditions, you know, obesity and diabetes and congestive heart failure. We really know, and it's, it shouldn't be a surprise when it happens. So that's important. And then of course, the, the mental and, you know, expanding our abilities. I love the story about your mom and dad taking these new activities. That's great. Because learning new things, learning new language, learning to play a new instrument, whatever it is, we're constantly stimulating, and that mental challenge is so important. And then the social network and community involvement. And I love the fourth one, the financial, because that creates a lot of stress for a lot of people as we anticipate getting old. Am I going to have enough money? Am I going to be secure? Am I going to be in the right setting? So, it's all part of planning. That's really good. I think that's really important. Thanks for that.

Yes, of course. Yes. And I, you know, you, it's funny, I'm listening to you and I'm thinking to myself, it's always difficult when I'm on podcasts or doing media interviews with someone of your stature and, and intelligence when it comes to this field, because I feel like I should be interviewing you because you have so much to tell us. So I hope that you'll also add as much as you can to our conversation. Um, especially I think about, you know, the mental health and, and really how we can cope. I mean, one of the things that concerns me about longevity is, is loss and grieving, and that we haven't done enough in our society to help people learn how to grieve. And when you have folks that are, you know, living to 100, 105 years old, they're obviously going to have a lot of loss around them. And I, you know, as I was thinking about our interview, I was wondering like, how do you suggest people deal with that?

Sure. Yeah. As you know, I've spent my whole career working with seniors most of it was with patients in nursing homes who were admitted for, you know, physical decline and serious medical conditions, chronic disease. And of course, their mental decline or just, you know, just their level of distress and depression. And sometimes that feeling of helplessness and despondency. I don't know if I'm going to make it. So for me, you know, I always say, look, living to 100 is a great destination, but it's not in the cards. Not everyone's going to live to 100. It's not a smooth road, and there are going to be bumps and potholes. And how do we deal with those potholes? That's, to me, that's the key. How do we explain the event? How do we interpret that medical loss or setback that comes along? How do we explain that? Because how we explain it is going to color how well we cope, how well we, you know, get beyond it. And we can't. Even the loss of a spouse after 40 or 50 years, the person says, gee, I don't think I can go on without my wife. The future is so dark. And yeah, it is. It's a heavy, heavy hit. And we deal with the loss and we deal with the grief and we, you know, work through that. And we— I call it, you know, start a new chapter. I'm not a married person anymore. I'm a widow. Or I don't have my whole body, I had two of my legs amputated, but that doesn't diminish my worth as a person. So I'm starting a new chapter as a widower, or I'm starting a new chapter with two prostheses on four legs. I'm starting a new chapter because I have to use oxygen or in a wheelchair. It is, it's a matter of how well we, we get knocked down and can we get back up. And it's that perseverance and and tenacity that to me, that's how we define successful aging. It's not that it's longer. It's how well we cope with these hits that come along.

I was just going to say that the coping mechanisms, that is so important in this conversation.

Yeah. And how we, you know, that mindset, how do we interpret the events that come along? Oh, here's another setback. You know, now I've had a stroke. I don't think I can manage this. And yeah, I'm not minimizing this at all, believe me, but, you know, it's, it's like we, we face this and we learn how we can best deal with it. And, you know, the solution-focused coping is better than what we call emotion-focused coping. Emotions is the despondency and helplessness and, you know, fear, where the solution is Yeah, this is tough, but I'm going to learn how to deal with it. I'm going to learn how to move beyond and continue to move forward. That's—

Yeah. You know what that really makes me think about too is that we have to reinforce as experts in aging how important it is for people to understand that everything about their experience is individual, right? Their grieving experience, their disease state experience, their world and global experience, the lens that they're looking through. So I And I also think that that's important when we think about caregiving as well. It's, you know, these are personal experiences. You may be in a situation where you can't move your parent geographically to where you live, and you do have to get in-home care where that parent is, where you, you know, you don't have the financial wherewithal to do certain things for yourself to help you, you know, age as well as your neighbor, whatever the case may be. It's individual, and we have to be okay with that. And it's also individual within the nuclear family. I mean, you know, a lot of us have a spouse that's, you know, I have a husband that's in phenomenal, you know, shit. He's, he looks like he's 30 years old. Well, I'm, you know, not to get personal, but you know, women go through menopause. We have all these changes and, you know, and I don't have, and I shouldn't as an individual look at someone else in a way that should reflect 100% on how I age. And so we need to be really really thoughtful about that and, and, and really help one another, uh, as we become mature adults and aging species, humans, you know.

Yeah, yeah, that's really an important point that we cannot compare ourselves to others, and it is an individual journey that we're on. It's so easy to say, gee, she's, you know, she's just turned 75 and look how attractive she is or how healthy she is, and we don't It's a trap when we compare ourselves to others. Right. I would see that all the time in the nursing homes. The patient is saying, gee, my roommate just came in a couple of days ago and she's gone already. Or I've been in my rehab physical therapy and I'm not able to walk 2 steps and yet, you know, he can do— anyway, it's that notion of we're all on our own journey. And the more we compare ourselves to others, the more we're going to be disappointed Even if we're ahead of others, that's a trap too. So let's— you're, you're so right in saying this is an individual process, and let's see where we are and what we can do to move ourselves forward, not compare ourselves to our neighbors or our relatives. Sure.

Before we move on, can I ask you one more question? I swear I don't mean to flip the switch on this interview, but I'm really fascinated with you, how you would answer this. What about mind over matter, right? What about our mental state, and what can we do in your opinion to really, and the word convince is not right, but really make sure, you know, I was a part of a big study they had at University of Georgia and they were studying twins, right? And one of the twins was living to 90 or 100 and the other one was dying younger. And when asked what was the number one reason why they were able to live so long to the twin that was still living, they said, well, I look at the glass half full, optimism. It's how I present myself to the world and how the world looks to me, right? Not how they perceive me, but how I see it, the reframing. How important do you think that is in successful aging?

You know, I think that's huge. I think it's huge. You know, National Institute of Health has said our longevity is only 30% determined by genes, 30%, and the other 70% is lifestyle and decisions that we make and how we, how we not just cope, but how we plan our future. So it's that lifestyle, and, you know, half full or half empty It sounds, you know, it's the oldest example and I still think it's the best. 8-ounce glass with 4 ounces of water, it's both half full and half empty.

That's right.

The same thing, you decide. And you know, I, when I give presentations to groups, sometimes I do this exercise and I divide in, in two and I said, all right, everybody on the right side, you look around the, this room here, this meeting room, and find everything that's wrong. You know, the carpet, the marks on the wall, maybe the curtains are torn or the plants need water or anything that's wrong. Okay, you, you on the left side, I want you to look around and see everything that's nice about the room, maybe the sun coming in or fixtures or bright colors. And then we kind of regroup after a minute and I ask and they share. And you know, the point is, as you can tell, it's the same room, right? It's the same. What are we looking for? And we'll find it.

It.

Yeah, there were things that are wrong, we'll find them. If we're looking for the positives, we'll find it. So yes, and it is so much about mindset and, and not getting thrown. Yeah, we do have to deal with these events, but we have to keep, you know, I call it starting new chapters and opening new doors. And you know, it's— there's a whole movement called Reinventing Ourselves, Reinvention Convention. And let's, let's be ready to redefine ourselves. Don't let yesterday define who I am today.

Yeah, you know who was the best at that is Wayne Dyer. I mean, some of the lessons that he used to teach about all of this were— is just so, so great when it comes to aging. I'm sorry that he left us as soon as he did because I'm sure he had a lot more to, to teach all of us.

Yeah, yeah. I've had a couple of actors on my podcast from Hollywood And they both said the same thing. Look, we, you know, we have to learn new roles all the time. We take on a new part and we have to learn to care and become that. And I said, you know, it's the same thing with aging because yeah, we do have to learn new roles. And the beauty is, Alexis, the beauty is it's a blank screen in front of us. It's about, we can write whatever script we want. We can put whatever on that screen that we want. So So that's the beauty and the exciting and the opportunities that are ahead for us.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. So let me shift to another specialty of yours, which is fraud prevention. This is a thoroughly enjoyable conversation, by the way.

I'm enjoying it as well.

Yeah. But fraud prevention, identity, older adults are especially vulnerable to scammers. What are the most common types of scams for seniors?

Yeah.

So for those that are listening that can't really get the segue and understand why the heck I would move over to fraud prevention from longevity and caregiving is it's really one of the challenges about aging that I'm very, very concerned about. You know, I talked earlier about the finances and I'm— when you look at the numbers and especially during the pandemic, what has happened in terms of scams that are directed specifically toward mature adults, whether they be Medicare scams, government scams. There are all kinds of charity scams and even lottery scams and gift card scams. I mean, there are so many scams that are specifically targeting the 80+, but the biggest one that I want to bring awareness to is romance scams. And the reason why I say that is because if you look at the numbers and the amount of money that mature adult seniors have lost to romance scammers, whether it be due to the fact that they've lost a spouse, they are They're looking for companionship. They're lonely. It's the, it's just astronomical. And people in their late, in their 70s and 80s and 90s are losing everything and they can't go back and recreate their lives. And there's also a huge challenge with their caregivers saying, how could you be so stupid? How could you fall into this? How did you do, you know, instead of, and again, we'll go back to trying to figure out how to create some positivity around what they're doing, or at least support them in their situation. So I decided that I needed to do something that would make sense and have value, add value to people's lives. I have a lot of corporate clients that have said to me, we have so many people that are coming to us that, you know, are saying, I can't pay my phone bill anymore, I can't travel anymore, I can't— and we say, why? And they said, someone took me for all my money. You know, someone called me, they said they were from this utility company. I thought they were. They told me they were going to arrest me, and I gave them everything in my bank account. And these are bright, Joe. I'm serious. I've met a lot of these people. They are— that I interviewed for my book— bright, bright people. These are not people that, that— and it doesn't matter if you're bright or, you know, everyone to me is bright. Again, just doesn't matter where you— what your walk of life is. These are people that have— are book smart and street smart is my point. So the scams, scammers have gotten, and the fraudsters have gotten extremely technical. So they're hard to understand, very sophisticated in the way that they're putting these scams out there. And they are ahead of us. And that's why I went back to, to, to, to get some education in, in, in really focused sort of on cybersecurity mitigation and trying to figure out how people could not be scammed online because even if you're not online, it lands up that way because they, they'll call and they'll say, oh, you know, can you get a gift certificate for me and I'll send you money? And, and, you know, then you'll go to Kroger and you'll get it. And then they ask you to, you know, go online at the, um, hotel and tell them the number that's on the gift card. And, you know, it's, again, it's, it's super sophisticated. And I think, you know, one of the things that I wanted to do was get people to think about it before it happens. Everyone, you know, in my business, one of the things that I do is I consult around these three things: caregiving, longevity, and fraud prevention. But unfortunately, it is after it's happened that most people come to me and say, I just lost $400,000. I'm the CEO and my savings. I'm the CEO of a company that I've been building. I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

How can I, how can I even recreate my dreams? How do I I pay my bills.

Wow.

You know, and so my job right now, or one of my passions right now, is to get the word out on what people have to do to start to recognize this, realize that if it happens to you, stop before it goes too late. In the sense of, I've had several people come to me who have lost— I had somebody come to me who lost over a million dollars.

Oh no.

And she, um, went back to the man who took it because he convinced her the second time around that it was just a mistake. You know, he didn't mean to lose all that money gambling, or he didn't mean to take all that money from her. And love is blind, as they say. So these romance scammers are sophisticated.

Yeah. And of course, $1 million to one person could be $1,000 to somebody else, right?

What would you—

what, what, how would you advise our listeners? What do we do? A couple of things that we need to— because you're right, people are bright, and you see them on television, they're being interviewed, say, how could, how could you fall for that? And you continue to do it. So what advice do you have for our listeners?

Yeah, so first of all, you definitely need to sign up to, to get your credit, uh, annual credit report. That's number one, number one, number one. So, and that's free.. And I think it's at annualcreditreport.com. Sign up to get it, look at it, think about it, and make sure that no one has opened a credit card in your name. Put all the alerts on so that you're notified if anyone's charging money over $500 or $100, whatever your financial situation is, $5, it doesn't matter. Look at it very, very closely. And you know, Joe, if you have an American Express, for instance, you can go to Credit Secure and they will, they have a monthly check that you can do.. And they have all these alerts. So, you know, and other credit cards do as well. So number one, check your credit and make sure that your credit is intact because that is how— that is a slippery slope. I mean, once that starts leaking where someone's gotten into your credit, they've, you know, looked at your passport, they've looked at your Social Security, you know, you have to be very thoughtful about that. Do not— please do not throw away your bank account statements. Please go electronic if you can. Don't throw away Take anything that has your information on it, whether it be— I mean, honestly, it can just be a, a dear grandma, thank you for the $100 that you sent me from Bank of America. You know, I really appreciate it. And when I went to the bank in Longview, California, they told me that, you know, you also had this other account. I mean, it can be anything. We just, I mean, there's so many telltale signs. So don't throw anything around away, shred it. I mean, you, I could go on and on, not just shred it, but there's, you know, not just shred it because they're gonna put the shred back together you've got to do, you know, shreds where it's the diagonal as well. So you have to think about that. I mean, it's, it's wild what's happening out there. It's the Wild West, as they say. Also, um, you know, and again, we could do a whole show on this if you'd like, but they, um, one of the things that I'm really worried about is embarrassment and, um, this feeling that people don't want to talk about it, um, especially to their own family members. So I've seen a lot of people You know, 1 out of 4 people don't talk about it if they have been scammed. So it doesn't matter the amount, they don't tell people. And so many people die and their family goes and they see there's no money there and they can't imagine where the money went. And a lot of times it went to a scammer. So 25%, 1 out of 4, don't even ever say that they've been scammed. And in the romance scam, it's like 60%. And so much of that, Joe, is from family members. And I hate, I hate to say it, but a lot of that is from some friends and family members. So we have to be really, really careful. The last thing I would say, just because it's important, is just to make sure, you know, that you secure your passwords and your contact information. Um, because again, they can break, you know, if they break into one thing, they can figure out other things. Oh, and one more thing I have to say, not only just secure your passwords, but this whole social media situation is is a tough one because, you know, all those cool contests that they have and Q&As that they have, and they ask you, oh, where was the first place, road you lived on? Oh, where, you know, where, what's your grandmother's grandmother's grandmother's name? You know, where's this? They know how to piece it all together. They piece it all together, and those are your, your security and password codes a lot.

Wow.

Good.

A lot of the time I can just go on and on about this because it's scary.

Have you back for this? Uh, that'd be a great conversation, but really important. Uh, your tips, get, get the annual credit report, check it and look to see if there's anything amiss. There's something that is not yours. Don't throw anything away that's paper, scan it, or ideally get it all electronic and avoid any embarrassment. I can see where people would be very reluctant to report this, uh, because You know, it happens afterwards. They don't think about before, but they sure think about it afterwards. And make sure all your passwords are secure, and then be careful, be wary of social media and conversations that take place online. That's good, that's good.

And if it smells like a rat, it's a rat.

Yeah, probably is. So just, uh, just quickly, I know you, um, you're the author of 3 books, uh, Stop Fraud, The Ultimate Longevity Guide and The Ultimate Caregiver, 3 topics that we touched on today. So these are available on your website? They are.

So Stop Fraud is available on the website and the other 2 are available there, but I'm updating both of them and there will be new editions out in spring of 2022. So you might want to wait.

Well, okay. And your website is alexisabramson.com, right?

Alexis Abramson, A-B-R-A-M-S-O-N.com.

Right. Great. Okay. Well, it looks like we're out of time for today, Alexis. Uh, but before we wrap up, I just want to remind our listeners about a co-sponsor for our program, Almighty Good Time. Are you looking for ways to engage and stay active? Check out almightygoodtime.com. It's a one-stop shop for events and activities for those 50 and over. It's free to search and it's free to post. Amightygoodtime.com. And be sure to visit the Living to 100 Club website to sign up for our weekly podcast announcements and our monthly newsletters. And while you're there, be sure to download a free copy of my 9 Tips for Living Longer. Lastly, pick up a copy of my book, Living Longer Is the New Normal. It's all about maintaining a positive mindset in all we do on Amazon, ebook or hard copy. So thanks very much, Alexis, for being a guest on our program. I had a thoroughly delightful time talking with you. And how can people contact you if they want more information?

So, right. So they can contact me at alexisabramson.com. And they can also, if they just want to ask a question or sign up for one of the events where I will be, they can go to askdralexis.com. And then finally, since we're— we talked a lot about it, I wanted to bring up Comfort Keepers website, which is comfortkeepers.com. Comfortkeepers.com, where if they want a comfort keeper or want to be a comfort keeper because they're hiring as well, they can go there.

Great. Comfortkeepers.com.

Correct.

Okay, well, thanks so much for being a guest again. I really enjoy this. We've been talking with Dr. Alexis Abramson, talking about proactive approaches to aging well. Thanks again, Alexis, and thanks to all of our listeners for tuning in today.

Hope to see you next It's time to rethink, renew, and reimagine retirement. Hey everybody, Jarrett Sebaste here, host of Retire Repurposed. Now this podcast is about the non-financial parts of retirement, which many times can be even more challenging than the financial. We believe retirement is not the end, rather the beginning of what could be the most impactful, purposeful, and fulfilling season of a person's life. So don't retire, become repurposed. To listen now, search Retire Repurpose on your favorite podcast platform, Senior Resource, or Life Audio.