Brian K. Bond: Mission of PFLAG National

Welcome to Disability Matters with your host Joyce Bender. All comments, views, and opinions expressed on the show are solely those of the host, guest, and callers. Now the host of Disability Matters, here's Joyce Bender.

Hi everyone in the United States and around the world. Welcome to the show today. I have to start out with my friends in different parts of the world. Richard Roberts, who I think the world of, greetings to you in Brazil, to Gang Young Cho in South Korea, to Vinya Min in Kazakhstan, to Cheryl Harris, formerly in Tunisia, now right at the State Department. Greetings to all of you. And why I always do that, first of all, I love, love them, but, You know, if it weren't for them, I wouldn't be going around the world talking about the employment of people with disabilities. And I want to thank all of the listeners from Australia to Finland. I mean, all of you everywhere, thank you so much. You know, some countries there is a larger listening audience, like China. Some countries there's only one. But you know what? You, that one person, can make the biggest difference in the world. So keep talking to people, keep fighting that fight, keep getting people to listen to this show. And with that, a special shout out to Yoshiko Dart. How are you, Yoshiko? Lead on. I hope you're doing well. I know you're excited, Yoshiko. July 26th coming up. I'll be seeing you. ADA celebrating the 33rd anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act. And thank you, Highmark, for continuing to sponsor this show. You are just so wonderful, such a great company, company with a great CEO and leadership team. David Holmberg, Karen Hanlon, and that whole team are outstanding leaders and people committed to employing Americans with disabilities. Well, as you know, we have been celebrating Pride Month, and I am so excited about our guest today. I have to tell you, I met Brian Bond a long time ago, and because of him, I got involved and became a delegate. And it's him, it's all him. He's always been so wonderful to me, and I just think so highly of him. He is the Executive Director of PFLAG. Brian, welcome to the show.

Thank you. It's so great to be here, Joyce, and I just want to thank you for all you do for people with disabilities and, and our larger community at large. And I love the shout-outs you give to folks in other countries. That's, that's really wonderful and kind.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, well, we are, as you say, all in this together. And speaking of around the world, frequently I have people ask me, um, oh, I heard the show, that person's great, but I don't know anything about them. So would you start and tell your story? This is what I have everyone do now, uh, you know, like, where did you grow up, where'd you go to school, and what led you to the position you're in today?

Sure. I will try to keep, you know, I am 60, so it could be a very long story. I will try to keep it the abbreviated version. I grew up in rural Missouri, close to the, for those familiar with the Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kansas border. My passion to this day still would probably be biscuits and gravy. While I was in school, I tell folks that I was more comfortable with my 2,000-pound steer, Rufus, than I was my peers. Because I knew deep down that I was different. I knew I was queer, and I hid it. I went to college at Missouri State University, also in Southwest Missouri. I am a little luckier than some people, though, Joyce Bender. When I was 15, 16, I did a face-to-face confession with my priest, a His name was Father Fergus. He was about 5'6", 5'7", from Ireland. And I told him I was afraid I was going to go to hell and I was going to lose my family. And this is where I consider myself truly blessed. He did not miss a beat without saying, first of all, "I am not going to go to hell, but that I am going to want to move because I am not going to be happy there." And again, this was several years ago, but I carried that with me. Throughout my whole life. I ended up in politics, starting first at some state-level campaigns on the Democratic side, and that is when Missouri was more of a Democratic state. And ended up working at the Democratic National Committee. In fact, I have worked there, I think, maybe 7 or 8 times in the course of my career. What drove me was that connection between politics, advocacy, and policy, and the belief that if you don't have a seat at the table— paraphrasing what some much more eloquent people than me have said— if you don't have a seat at the table, you may very well be on the menu. I have, again, like I said, worked multiple times with the DNC. I worked on Bill Clinton's campaign and his reelection. The Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, which raises money for candidates, queer candidates running for office. I worked on both Obama campaigns. I served in the White House the first term of the administration as the President's principal liaison to the LGBTQ+ community. And then the second term, I went to EPA to work on the President's climate plan. Wow.

Well, you know, what was that like for you? I mean, working with presidents, what was that like when you first started? It must have been overwhelming at the beginning.

It was pretty overwhelming at the beginning just because, as you will recall, the president was trying to stave off a depression. But at the same time, there had been 8 years had passed and many communities, the disability community, the queer community, the African American community, the women's community, all communities across the board were needing their concerns addressed. So we had to be able to do both things at the same time, stave off a depression and also start to try to move the ball forward on multiple progressive fronts of things that you and I and others on this call care deeply about.

Yeah. You know, because you mentioned those countries, I wanna add to it here, I'm looking at this right now, Canada, Iran, Denmark, Germany, Poland, Singapore, Nigeria, the United Kingdom, South Korea, China, Japan, Guam, Venezuela, Egypt, Australia, Brazil, Spain, France, Austria, Ireland, and Kenya. So why I'm bringing this up— Kenya and, uh, where's the other one here? Spain. It shows one person. Now I'm sure it's more than one, but let's assume it's one, one person One person can make a difference in lives, just like one person made a difference in your life, Brian. Imagine if that priest had been different with what he said to you. I mean, that was such a great thing that you ran— that you had this man that started by saying you're not going to hell.

Well, and I actually He— I still stay in touch with him. When President Obama's memoirs came out, and I did not know this, but I am in it, in reference to Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal, and the first knowledge that I had that I was in the book was from Father Fergus. I got this text saying, "I am so proud of you." And I am like, "What are you talking about?" And he sent me screenshots of the two pages. And I just thought there is some irony there that a Catholic priest was acknowledging my work around repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and just how genuine that, and blessed, candidly, I am because of that experience. It does not mean, however, Joyce Bender, that, you know, I, it was hard. I did end up sleeping with a loaded gun by my head, asking God to fix it or end it. And I ultimately believe that God gave me the right answer, and because I'm still here, uh, still fighting every day, uh, trying to do what I can to pay it forward.

Yeah, well, thank God you are here. And this is what I tell people, so many people I meet, young people who are gay, also have, also have a mental health disability. And I believe part of that is just due to living with feelings of shame and, uh, and just pressure, depression, what you go through. And, you know, and that's, that's terrible. That's terrible that you had to do that. But now here you are And you made this move to PFLAG. When was that? Why did you make it? And then you can tell us what PFLAG is and how it got started. Like, what led you there?

Sure. The position came open a little over 4 years ago, and, and I actually campaigned really hard for it. I PFLAG is an iconic organization within the LGBTQ+ community. But I also knew there was so much more it could do to help move the ball forward, not just for the queer community, but for the larger world. So I campaigned for it. This name will, will ring a bell with you, Joyce Bender, but I actually sat down with Valerie Jarrett on this and she said, She was like, "You should definitely do this job." And in fact, Valerie served as one of my references and I think made some calls on my behalf to the board to help make it happen. Yeah, I've had some pretty cool jobs in my life, obviously. I will say, especially at the time we're in, in this country right now, I couldn't be more honored than to be at PFLAG. And for those who are not are not familiar with PFLAG, it is the largest national organization dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them. A lot of people know us as the parents' organization, if you will, but it is a lot of LGBTQ+ people involved as well. We are working to create a caring, just, and affirming world. And not just for the queer community, but for all communities is how I like to think about it. We have a little over 400 chapters across the country. This is our 50th anniversary, Joyce. This year. And we were started— yeah, it is pretty significant. We were started by a mom, a schoolteacher in Queens, New York, who somewhat started her journey the year before. In 1972, she, she had had enough with the discrimination that she had seen being placed on her gay son. She decided to, to hit the streets. On behalf of her kid and other kids like hers, and marched in the precursor to what we know now as the big New York Pride Parade. So in 1973, she started PFLAG and has grown ever since.

Wow. You mean that's how the Pride Parade in New York started?

It started— yeah, it started Christopher Street It started, and it really started as a, and I, again, I was not there, but in my humble opinion, it started as a protest. You know, this was, this is, this is the continuation of the Stonewall Riots, right? This is, this is people taking to the street saying, "We are here. We are your families. We are your neighbors. We go to your churches, synagogues, and temples. We shop at your gro— at the same grocery store. And we deserve to be treated." the same as everyone else. Wow.

Okay, there you go. One person, one decision. I'll bet that mother never dreamt this would happen. Never. I— yeah, I don't think she ever would have envisioned what a wonderful thing she started. And Brian, what did you say, uh, what year is this of your anniversary?

This would be our 50th anniversary.

Are you doing anything special for that?

We did a— since we started in New York, we did a big celebration in March, I believe it was, here in New York. And then we have done multiple events across the country. And, of course, and we rebranded while we were at it. Our— we wanted to make it clear that, you know, our tagline, if you will, is "Leading with Love." We have been doing that for 50 years and will continue to do that moving forward. And then We will host our convention in D.C. in October, kind of wrapping a bow, if you will, on our 50th anniversary celebration. But it is a challenge, Joyce Bender, because as you know, there have been over 700 bad bills introduced in states across the country. And that is not even including what is going on in the world, right? And we have been on defense a lot the last few years. So it is, it is a little hard to celebrate pride, if you will, with, with all the pain that is being experienced and fear. But I think we are doing our best to channel that into advocacy and conviction to, to prevail and to keep our families safe. And to move the ball forward.

You know what, just so our listeners know, because, you know, if you're listening to the show, maybe you didn't realize what's going on, but then, you know, maybe you could make a donation to PFLAG. Could you give them a couple examples of what you're talking about, Brian?

Sure. You mean like the work that we're doing right now or the—

No, when you were saying the states are causing, you know, what's going on that's causing this pain?

Sure. First of all, let me just preface this by saying there is a very small group, which I know you probably have seen in the disability space as well. There is a very small group of— and I am going to name it— what I call right-wing zealots that are holding— want to hold people back. And in case of the LGBTQ+ community, It is with a battery of bills in many of the states, mostly southern, Midwestern, some western, that are denying necessary gender-affirming care to trans kids. That are passing bills that do not allow, quote, "gay" to be discussed in schools. A teacher cannot even have a picture of their spouse on their desk. And/or if a kid brings up their their family's vacation. If they happen to have two dads or two moms, they cannot talk about it. You know, banning drag queens, drag shows. You know, last I checked, drag performers, artists, are not killing kids. When we have other issues around, whether it be gun violence, issues like that, that are directly impacting kids. So there is just a plethora of these bad bills that honestly are trying to solve problems that do not exist, all for political gain.

Yeah. Yeah. I told someone the other day, somehow, like, I never pictured a drag queen going into a school with an Uzi shooting children. Exactly. So I, you know, I, I— it's terrible, terrible. I always tell people, when Jesus said love thy neighbor, he— there were no exceptions.

Everyone. None. Everyone. None. So, you know, I would, I would— Joyce, if I could add one more thing to that, that's, um really scary for all of us, all marginalized communities. This effort at censorship in books is truly dangerous, and the most— one of the most anti-democracy things that, that I have seen in my lifetime. And something you and I were talking about before the show, The rhetoric now is so personal and so vile. And in this age of social media, and it is, it is more than life-threatening at this point. It is impacting communities across the board. And we have got to stand up and use our voices to push back.

Yeah. Yes, we do. Uh, the Good Samaritan, we can't walk on the other side of the road. So, um, I, I, and I'm very sorry that there are friends that are afraid to live in Florida. So you know what, that's unbelievable. People that are gay, I mean, are afraid to be there. And so, you know, again, I don't know what has happened here. It seems maybe what happened Is what people were thinking they're saying? I don't know. Although at a political level, it's, it's for votes. But you know what, if you're listening right now, I hope that you know that when you do that, that you're causing hatred, and hatred can lead to death. So remember that. It's on you.

Yeah, I, I, it is kind of a, I would put it as a little bit of a sadly a low bar here, Joyce Bender. But where we need, the base should be about decency and respect. I do not need someone to affirm my sexual orientation. But I do need someone to respect me as a human being. That is kind of where I think things have gone off the rails, that we have got to use our voices both as allies and as community members. And, you know, because this is not impacting just one community. This is happening across the board. Anybody who happens to be different or does not fit into a pretty box that some of these zealots have created, uh, that's, that's the problem right now. And we got to get back to a, a baseline of decency and respect for human beings and then go up from there, in my humble opinion.

Well, that's— I agree 100%. Hey, if someone is listening and they do want to make a donation, Brian, where, where do they go?

Sure. They can go straight to pflag.org and make a contribution to PFLAG. And also, I would say if they, if they are a parent or have parents or family members or friends who are on a journey of accepting their kid or their family member or their neighbor, you know, there are tons of publications that can either be pulled, like just pulled down and printed out, and/or purchased if they want, but they are there for them. Those resources are there. At the end of the day, we, we want to help be that resource to, to help keep families together, and also to build allyship.

And PFLAG, that is PFLAG, PFLAG.org.

PFLAG, yes, that is correct, PFLAG.org.

Yeah. Okay. So, how long—

I would ask Joyce if I could say— wait, Joyce, if I could say— oh, I think— go ahead. I think I am going to— I know where you are going.

No, no. No, no. Go ahead.

So, we have about 350,000 members across the country and supporters. I mentioned earlier we have 400 chapters. People in the states, in the U.S., if you— there is a section on the website of a map where they can find a chapter in their area. Many of the chapters are still doing virtual meetings. Most of them are back in person, but there are virtual options for individuals as well. Those don't cost anything. If someone has a question or needs that support, it's there for them.

My question is, would they go to, like, Are these mainly in large cities? I'm talking about the chapters. Are they mainly in large cities or they also— like, what do you do if you're in a rural area? That's what I'm getting to.

Sure. Well, there's a couple of options. They are not just in rural or in urban areas. In fact, you know, I would say it's interesting in the last several months we have multiple chapters springing up in places like Storm Lake, Iowa. Sedalia, Missouri, Lander, Wyoming. So what I would recommend if somebody lives outside of one of the quote big urban areas, just to go to our website and go to the map section, put in their zip code. It will pull up the closest chapter. They can then reach out to the chapter. It may, if they're still a distance away, there still is the option of virtual, potentially virtual meetings. So that's the easiest thing to do. Second thing, one of the things we learned through the pandemic, Joyce, was how to use Zoom a little better. It's not perfect by any means, we know that. But we created a series of virtual meetings specifically in key communities. We have a, and this is all on the website, we have a PFLAG Connects Communities meeting that's Spanish only. It's a national meeting. So if somebody speaks Spanish, you know, I do not go to that meeting. I do not speak Spanish. So it is for people so they can see themselves and, and feel a bit more comfortable as they are walking through their journey. Same in the African American space. There is a Black African American only virtual national meeting once a month. There is an API-specific national meeting once a month. And we now have a military families meeting, national Zoom meeting once a month. And we are now working towards creating one in Indian Country as well.

Wow, that is really great. That's wonderful. Well, I'm assuming that, as you said, this would all be on the website.

Absolutely, absolutely.

And do you have— you were talking about parents— do you have like t-shirts or banners or for parents? Do you have anything like that?

Absolutely. Our store on the website has all that stuff for parents to proudly show that they support their queer kid. Yeah, because grandparents too.

I have different people I know, parents, that their, uh, when their child told them that they were gay, they really embraced it but could not believe how many people did not. And they asked about this. They said, oh yeah, if you go to PFLAG, I'm sure at the store you could get, you know, a shirt or something of that nature. So just mentioning it, there's a store.

I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Um, you're a better marketer than I am. Uh, one of the things that, um, And I think we will talk about allyship a little bit, but just because you, what you raised. Because of everything that is going on, whether it be a parent, or an educator, or a faith leader, or a neighbor, there is one basic stat that everyone knows in, in my space that if there is just one affirming adult in a kid's life, just one, they're 40% less likely to commit suicide. So, you never know whose life you're saving or touching by your affirmation.

Wow, that is powerful and chilling at the same time.

It goes back to what you said about one person in the beginning, right? I mean, it— yeah, it's the power in each of our individual hands to do good. And to lift up others. It is what is critical, not at this moment more than ever, but it has obviously been important throughout all of our lives. Yeah.

Well, you know, I am a very strong outspoken ally. And I have had people, including relatives, tell me, and they were afraid to tell their parents, but they told me. They know that I'm a person of faith, and, you know, of course I love them and accept them as they are. And I hope that, you know, I hope you heard that, you know, that reaching out Standing up, supporting, being an ally is so, so powerful for that person. So I hope you're listening to that. But right now, folks, it's time to go to our news break. Perry Jude has been on vacation. She'll be coming back. We have our equally spectacular Gerald Helmy with today's news. Gerald, welcome.

Thanks, Joyce.

Happy to be here.

Well, I'm happy to have you here. So what's the news for us today, Gerald?

Well, as you know, we had an amazing event that happened last week with the Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law that celebrated 50 years since the victory of Olmstead versus Lois Curtis that gave us the victory of the future of community-led services for individuals with mental health disabilities, ending decades and decades, all this time of forced time in forced institutionalization of people with mental health disabilities. And there was this amazing event that was— held this amazing webinar just highlighting and celebrating this victory and the time that's passed and all the efforts that have been happening in this space as we still move away from that. And there's still a lot of work that needs to be done in that space of mental health law and supporting that. And as we know, in this country, there's still a huge school-to-prison pipeline for people with disabilities, people with mental health disabilities, people of color. There's a lot of issues around this area that needs our attention today. Oftentimes people with disabilities get left out, or you have a mental health disability, you'll be judged, and instead of receiving support, you'll be arrested. Instead of receiving services, you'll be thrown in jail. You know, there's a lot that needs out there to be done out there to support this, and the Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law is out there advocating and really doing great work in this community. And as somebody with mental health disabilities, with PTSD, with anxiety disorder, I'm really happy that they're out there standing up, and you, Joyce Bender, a member of their board, are out there really supporting us as people with mental health disabilities and the work that needs done in this space. And I wanted to give a shout out to their organization, the work that needs done, because as we know, as people with disabilities, we need to know what is happening in our space so that we can all stand together, support our brothers and sisters, and move efforts forward.

Yeah, the Bazelon Center on mental health law is so awesome, and I am so proud to be on that board. Uh, and guess what? They're having a big gala also this October, so I think it's the 12th. They are a great, great supporter of people with mental health disabilities. Uh, so Gerald, thank you very much for calling in with the news. Gerald Homi is my manager of talent programs at Bender Consulting Services. And if you go to benderconsult.com, uh, and you're looking for a job in IT, finance, accounting, right now we're looking for a scientist, compliance officer, archivist, right now. Joyce Bender. Gerald, how do you find a job at Bender? What do you do?

All you need to go do is go to benderconsult.com/jobs. All kinds of openings there, jobs in the medical field, jobs in IT, jobs in science, and apply, send us your resume. Even if you don't see a role that matches you right now, apply, get us your resume so we can talk to you and see if we have the right role in the future or right around the corner. With one of the amazing companies across America that are partnering with us to employ people with disabilities. You know, we really do the things the old-school way of building relationships with great candidates and trying to help connect them with great employers. So reach out to my team. Someone will talk to you and get that conversation going.

And by the way, These are not low-level jobs. That's why our motto at Bender is competitive jobs mean freedom. So we're talking low-end $50,000 through the $200,000 range. So if you are seeking employment, you know, it's about time people with disabilities are considered for higher-level positions. In competitive employment. Hey, Gerald, thank you for calling in.

Anytime, Ms. Bender.

All righty, bye-bye. You know what I mean, Brian? For a long time, that's how it was. You have a disability, you're a stock, stock person or bagger or whatever. Uh, but you know, here we are, 33rd anniversary of the ADA, and still today 70% of people with disabilities are not counted in the workforce, which is shameful. So I'm all about employment, and I want to tell you about the intersectionality. You realize many people with disabilities are also gay, and I talked to Jason Maida about this earlier this month on the radio show, but unfortunately mental health is one of them. And Jason said, well, that's no surprise because so many of us fight to be accepted. Is that what you think? Do you think that is one of the reasons that mental health disabilities and being gay intersect?

A couple of things on that. First of all, Jason is, is an amazing human being. He is truly one of the saints in the city of the District of Columbia. As you know.

He is my son.

Not my—

he is my adopted, my sort of I wish he was my son. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

He is absolutely amazing. Look, behavioral mental health needs have lacked seriously across the country here, and it has got to be, I think, coming out of the pandemic, we have a little bit of headwinds here to take advantage of positively impacting funding around mental and behavioral health. It is a huge huge concern for our community, my community, the disability community, communities across the board. So it should be one of the number one issues that is discussed when it comes to policy and where money is being put. To your point, I think there is no shame in acknowledging some of the shared characteristics of people with disabilities in the LGBTQ+ community. There is an intersection there. And I do believe that people who are LGBTQ+ with or without Being differently abled and people with disabilities, whether LGBTQ+ people or not, experience shared struggles. I also believe that we share life-saving interests and need to work together across the intersection for our common good, uplifting our communities. You know, discrimination and access challenges exist for both. And in my mind, this is trauma. And you did point out employment. You know, un- or underemployment is a shared struggle. And other struggles include both communities, which lead to trauma for individuals. Both communities have had to fight for recognition of committed relationships. And right now, families, as we discussed earlier, are under attack by well-funded extremists that would erase us. And certainly, have a detrimental impact on our trans youth, especially when it comes to healthcare, which we all value and need in our lives. A long-winded answer to your question.

It is so true. You know, and people don't realize this. Okay, I have epilepsy. Well, a person could have epilepsy and be gay. This is what I mean about intersectionality. You could be African American, female, epilepsy, and gay. I mean, there is this across-the-board intersectionality. And that is why I tell people, be careful what you say about people with disabilities. You could be talking to a person with a disability, but doesn't the same thing apply to the LGBTQ community? Be careful. Be careful what you say. Because you may be talking to someone who is gay or a child who is gay when you make the comments that you are making. So, you talk— I am sorry, go ahead.

No, I was just going to add on to that. That is why we all should be in this together because it is not one or the other. It is both in many cases, right? And especially in the disability community. And the queer community. We cross so many quote categories, if you will. We are in every community that exists on the planet. We are in every faith building, temple, whatever you want to call it. I mean, we are— both communities are literally part of the entire fabric of not just this country, but this world.

Yeah, yeah. And you know what I was really excited about is that I saw— and I want everyone to hear this— that, uh, pflag.org, that there is a faith section. Um, and sadly, that has been not discussed except in a very bad way in many churches. So how did that come about, that you have a faith section? Could you talk about that?

We do. We— and PFLAG does talk about it because, look, faith is very personal to people. And— but when I took the position at PFLAG, part of my conversation with the board was we need to do everything in our power to support families to not have to choose between their kid and their God. You know, it is about meeting people where they are. It is about leading with love. And you are asking people to unlearn something. There are many— like I said, I am very lucky, but there are many, many faith leaders that have destroyed LGBTQ+ people. And and have villainized us as a community. And to your point, when you took— and I think it may have been in Matthew, but you were talking about what Jesus said, you know, it's— you know, everybody deserves respect. Everybody deserves to be that— to have that grace. But it is challenging, Joyce, in some faiths, some denominations, for parents to stay in that congregation because of the acceptance or not. So, you know, it is, it is, it is, it is a tough issue. And the scars are real that are left on community members over the years and on their families. But one of our goals is to help families to be able to keep their connection to their God that they worship. It may, candidly, just have to be at a different congregation, a different place.

But it is not—

at the end of the day, for me, it is pretty simple. I know my God made me, and my God loves me. But that is not the same as organized religion, right? So, we have to meet people where they are, and we have to help them as best we can through this process for them to figure out how they are— if they choose to even continue to worship, how they are going to do that. And that is up to them and their family.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jim Wallace, formerly with Sojourners, has written many books. And one is called Reclaiming Christ. And, and one of the things he talks about is, in the beginning, God created man in his own image. So when you're looking at people, remember, everyone's made in God's image. So that's why I thought, well, isn't this amazing? You even have a faith section on your website. I just think that is so Great. And again, that's pflag.org in case you want to make a donation today. So, Brian, it's amazing to me how strong you are. When, when I heard that story of having to sleep at night with a gun, I mean, that's so terrible. And thank God, God did help you, uh, but someone also gave you fortitude, even if it's in the past, in history, or, you know, today. But my question is, who has been your role model?

Hmm. This is going to sound a little corny, but it changes every day. I mean, the toolkit continues to grow, especially in the job I have now. And And I, you know, there are obviously some of the obvious icons out there, you know, the Harvey Milks of the world. And even, you know, the recently passed late, great Judy Heumann, right? You know, there are people out there that have been doing this work forever that put passion into this, that help give some of us steel in our, to move forward. But I could just— a couple of examples off the top of my head. This last week, in front of the Judiciary Committee, a young 16-year-old transgender young woman from the Deep South testified in front of the Judiciary Committee of the Senate, speaking out for her rights and for people she does not even know. A 16-year-old kid. In Pennsylvania, I met this mom at an airport in Phoenix. She lives in Pennsylvania. She is a grandmother. And I did not even tell her what I do for a living. And she started talking about how she support— started a support group in her senior complex for grandparents that have trans or queer kids, or grandkids. And, of course, we are now providing her with publications. But there is— it goes back to what you said at the beginning. It is those individuals that, and those life stories we hear every day. That give me strength and, and keep me motivated. It is, you know, it is the parents I meet every day in states like an Alabama, a Texas, a Florida, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Oklahoma, you name it. You know, where there are difficult things going on, but the one thing that drives them is the love for their kid. That is amazing.

Every day when you get up, I want you to remember that you have saved lives. And there isn't anything more powerful than anything you could do than save a life. And I'll bet you have no idea how many times that has happened just by people hearing you. So, Just remember that every day you're doing a very big thing when you're saving a life. And, you know, I just love you. I think it's, you know, you have such a, just such a caring, good person, but it's a powerful thing to save a life, Brian, and I know you have.

Thank you. I strive to do that every day, as does my team, and I know you do too, so thank you for that.

Well, with that, guess what? It's time to find out what's going on at Bender. And Scott Hammerstrom, my lead man at Bender Leadership Academy, and Brian, I'm going to make him call you. You have to do it, not ashamed. Video, or did you do one already?

Oh Joyce, I was just gonna say thank you Brian, because you have done a Not Ashamed video.

Thanks Brian, thanks Brian. Jason, Jason hooked me up.

Oh yeah, that's my son, that's my son. Well, anyone else listening go to benderleadership.org and make a video. But here, here we got the man, the main man, Scott. Thank God, Scott.

Hi, Joyce.

Yeah, Brian is forgiving, right?

Yes, thank you for, hey, doing the video. And what a great show today so far. It's been, uh, um, this very compelling. So thank you, Brian, for, uh, for your leadership and, um Joyce Bender, and being on the show and for, again, for supporting Bender Leadership Academy with our Not Ashamed campaign. And for those of you who do not know, what we are trying to do is get the word out there about, you know, the stigma around mental health disabilities. And we are trying to empower youth with mental disabilities, mental health disabilities, to take pride in who they are and create a community of allies dedicated to ending the myths around mental health Disability. And we are celebrating the intersectionality of the lived experience and mental health disability. So, again, thank you. And anybody else who would be interested in doing a video or seeing, we have over 50, 60 people who have done these videos. They are all on our website, vendorleadership.org. We highly recommend that you see that and to do a video. Even if you do not have a mental health disability, you are an ally, please do a video.

And Brian, I'm like that song, it's all coming back to me. If I recall, weren't you one of the first that did a video?

I, I think it was pretty, pretty quick. I mean, I saw, you know, when whatever Jason asked, I do. And then when I saw it was tied to you, I said of course I was going to do it. But I think I was fairly, fairly close to the top.

I, I think you were, and you are.

Yeah, Brian, Joyce, I can answer that.

You are, Brian. You're one of the first people who who did one of the videos, one of the top 5.

There you go, he's in the top 5. And see, he supports us the same, which is how it should be. So again, that's benderleadership.org, Mary Brocker Mental Health Initiative, and, uh, you can go right there, go to the website, and you'll find it. Hey Scott, thanks for calling in.

Absolutely Joyce Bender. Did you have something else you wanted to talk about? I did.

I wanted to talk about, you know, the Mary Brooker Memorial Golf Outing, which is coming up on Saturday, August 12th at the River Forest Country Club here in Pittsburgh. That golf outing helps benefit the Mary Brooker Mental Health Initiative, As you know, with our students at Bender Leadership Academy, it helps them on mental fitness training, mental health advocacy, and our Not Ashamed campaign. So, appreciate anybody's support for the golf outing. You can find more information just if you Google Mary Barker Memorial Golf Outing. It will show up with all the information.

And you do not have to be in Pittsburgh to be a sponsor. Even if it's just a whole sponsor, right? Isn't that right?

Any action?

Yeah, you can go for $100.

Yeah, any donation would be appreciated so much. Absolutely. All right, thanks Scott, thanks for calling in.

Thank you Joyce, thank you Brian.

Thank you.

So Brian, uh, one thing I wanted to ask you, in your career, what would you say has been your greatest accomplishment?

I think, I think I have two. One is personal and one is my career. I do, I do think my sobriety— last week was my 16th anniversary— is probably the most significant accomplishment in my life because it's allowed me to candidly live my life. And so that—

Congratulations!

Thank you. It is always forefront in my mind, as you can imagine. And then I think my career accomplishment, yeah, was getting to work for Barack Obama, right? And getting to having the trust of him and the team to be part of the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Oh, that's a great— that is a very great accomplishment. Yeah, it's great. Valerie's great. By the way, Valerie did a Not Ashamed video. I just love her so much. So Brian, what message do you want to leave with our listeners today?

What I'd like to leave is just a feeling of we are a community, whether it's the disability community, the queer community. We've already Gary talked about the, the, the entwinement of those two communities and that we are part of the larger global community as well. Be kind. Give people grace to learn to accept. But be fierce at the same time. We deserve exactly the same rights as every other individual. Be that ally. If you would like, join pflag.org. Become a part of what we do. But wherever you are, love yourself and figure out what kind of ally, what kind of imprint you can make on the world to make it better. And if, if you are not in the— ask yourself, if you are not in the room, you know, if I am not in the room, would you speak up for me? And if your family is not in the room, ?Will you speak up for them? If your colleagues that you work with are not in the room, will you speak up for them? Will you be, will you be that ally, that firm hand of support that helps move us all to a better space?

Amen to all of that, Brian. Thank you so much. Brian Bond, who is the Executive Director of PFLAG. And a national spokesperson for the LGBTQ community. Brian, thank you. Love you. You are awesome. And we're all, we're all behind you, Brian.

I will see you some point soon, I hope. And please take care of yourself.

I will. Thank you. We end every show with a quote. And today the quote is, as we're celebrating Pride Month, you don't have to be gay 'to be a supporter. You just have to be human,' said Daniel Radcliffe. What a great quote. All right, everyone, don't miss next week because it's starting off Disability Pride Month with a replay of the show with Judy Heumann. Next week, Judy Heumann. Tell everyone, and remember, if you heard this show today and you're thinking, oh, you know, this parent should hear it, or this person should hear it, whomever it is. Remember Spotify, voiceamerica.com. You can go and hear the show and share it with other people. And with that, thanks for listening, everyone. And in the words of Mary Brocker, remember, choose joy.

Voice America would like to thank you for tuning in. Please join us next Tuesday at 11 AM Pacific time and 2 PM Eastern time for another installment of Disability Matters, right here on the Voice America variety channel. We are the leader in live internet talk radio. VoiceAmerica.com.