Dr. John Gray Shares How to Biohack Your Love Life

The only thing that runs sex that's not an empty calorie is love. So when you love someone, you're nourished by it. If you have sex without love, you're emptied by it. And when you're emptied by something, ironically, you crave it more. That's what all addictions are, is things that are empty calories. They don't provide lasting support. Love is what does it.

Hello, everybody. Welcome Back to the Dr. Joy Kahn podcast. So I am really excited today because I have a very special guest, Dr. John Gray. I think he needs no introduction because he is the author of Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus. So everyone has heard of the book, and the book is one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter century. Dr. John Gray, thank you so much for being here. I am so excited to chat with you.

Happy to be with you. It's fun.

Yeah. So the purpose of the podcast is to give people information so they can live a better life, not only physically, but also emotionally. And of course, social interactions and relationships is one of the crucial aspect for health and longevity. So it's very just appropriate that you're here to give us your wisdom, to share. So you are a relationship expert, and there are a few things that, you know, things that you have mentioned that are really interesting because you actually used the phrase biohack your relationships. So can you explain that a little bit?

Well, you know, biohacking is something I've been doing last 30 years. And even back before Dave Asbury was doing it, I was. He was coming in my classes. Oh. What happened for me is after my big success with Men and from Mars is I turned 50, I'm in my 70s now. I had early stage Parkinson's. And so, you know, the treatments were just to take certain drugs. It only gets worse over time. So I was definitely not going to do that. And I found a natural solution for me. I then helped a lot of people with. I created a wellness institute. And I found that the same situation for Parkinson's, early stage to reverse it. I also healed add. Now, I didn't know that I had ADD all my life. I just thought it was a male quality, which to a certain extent, there are more males with adhd, but it'd be my. My wife would be talking and I would just couldn't listen anymore. I had to like, what's the point? What's the point? And I can't relate. So I was, you know, I still did my best, but it was like having to do it Now I don't have to do anything. My brain just can stay with the flow. So my ADD symptoms, I think for me, ADD came from several concussions I had when I was young. That can be one of the conditions. It can also be too much sugar and various things can make your brain unable to focus if you're young. And. But for me, it was rather dramatic and that if I would read something, I could get sleepy right away. That can also be ADD symptom. You're just not making enough dopamine, your dopamine function to stay alert and focused, interested. And it creates kind of a tendency towards addiction. Is that. That dependence on higher, increasing dopamine stimulation. So anyway, I was able to learn all about the importance of amino acids for the brain function, the precursors for dopamine, the precursors for serotonin. And then, then I went on to glutathione oxidative stress. And, you know, all these things that I. I bring in all these experts in the natural medical field to my wellness center, since I was totally into that at that point. And then I started reintegrating in brain differences that I was learning about with everything I knew about relationships. And suddenly you could see, for example, men have biologically, we're born with more muscle cells, okay, Compared to our fat cells. We have muscle fat ratio. Females have fat to muscle ratio, which is different from males because they can make babies. You have to be able to ovulate, you have to have more estrogen, and you have to have more fat cells to make the estrogen so you can raise a baby. It's a lot of biological differences. And in order to regulate stress, what we saw is that men will. You know, one of my things in Men Are From Mars is that men work and men out of workers are stressed. If a man can work and be successful, his stress levels go down. That had a lot to do with dopamine levels. Dopamine keeps you motivated, all right? And that's an important aspect because typically in relationships, men lose motivation to be romantic. Women go, what happened? He ran out of dopamine. And so the newness of a relationship stimulates dopamine. Danger stimulates dopamine. So she can love me. Is she not going to love me? You know, all that makes the newness of a relationship filled with lots of dopamine. And that effect it has on men is raising their testosterone, which makes them more sexually motivated. And for women, it raises their estrogen when makes them more sexually receptive. It's only when a woman's estrogen levels get close to doubling a healthy level that she feels strong sexual attraction for physical intimacy.

Well, testosterone has a lot to do with women's sexuality as well.

Oh, for desire. Testosterone is desire. But see, there's two types of desire that a woman can have. One is the desire to achieve or the desire to receive. When her estrogen levels are naturally during ovulation, it will happen. But romance, romantic skills. I keep my wife's estrogen levels up all the time. So we have quite a lot of sex because she wants it, not because. Just because I want it. You know, this is one of the big problems in marriage is men start feeling like my wife doesn't want enough sex. Occasionally it's the other way around. But even then, it's. She's missing him wanting to have sex with her as opposed to her body is saying, must have sex. You know, there's a wonderful feeling a woman has when a man is just adoring her and loving her and ravishing her and all that. That's what she's really missing when she says in her 40s that I want to have more sex. He's already given up on sex for a variety of reasons. But one is for those variety of reasons, his testosterone levels have now descended down. You know, half the men over 40 have used Viagra because they couldn't get erections with their partner. It's a paradoxical thing that all my understanding of biology helps to explain, which is why you could not be turned on to your wife, but you can go online to some woman you don't know and be turned on right away. And it's like, women don't understand that, you know, like, how can you be so turned on to her and not me? Well, because he loves you. That's kind of an odd thing to say. When you understand when you love someone, your estrogen goes up. When you. When you don't love someone, if there's sex involved, your testosterone goes up.

Actually, Esther Perel, she wrote about that. The familiarity, the loving, sometimes is the antidote to sexual feelings.

Yeah, there's a lot more to that. But what we know to be the case, and I like to talk about a lot more than that. The newness of a relationship is called the honeymoon period, because couples have lots of sex and the newness. And the reason for that is that dopamine stimulates testosterone in men. It also stimulates super high estrogen in women, and then their testosterone goes super high. So even without the newness of relationship, when a woman's Ovulating. What they found is that as she gets about two or three days before ovulation, with her estrogen levels are peaking, then her testosterone levels will take a big rise. Okay, so that's when you feel really safe. Then you feel like, then I want, I want to be, I want to have sex. Basically, that's what all romantic bank skills are, is raising a woman's estrogen, estrogen so that she can then want to have sex. So that's one form of desire, but then there's another form that's testosterone. And I'm responding to you saying women need testosterone. Women make a lot of testosterone, but when they're test, there's two kinds of testosterone still testosterone, but it's the testosterone you feel when you feel taken care of, when you feel receptive, when you feel loved, when you feel safe, when you feel someone is providing for you, then you want to provide. Then you want to be penetrated, basically. And that's what the studies have shown. But there's another kind of testosterone, which is when you don't feel safe when you're single, when you don't have someone who loves you, then you want sex. Because that's a different kind of desire. It's coming from the place of, I don't feel safe, so I have to do it myself. Anytime you feel I have to do something myself. Independence, that's testosterone. So that's, that's the kind of testosterone where women pull out their vibrators and they take care of themselves and have a climax. That's what Freud talked about is the immature orgasm. I call it for clarity. It's not an orgasm at all. It's a clitoris stimulation which produces testosterone. Most people don't know that when you stimulate the clitoris, you're increasing desire. And so if you just have desire without estrogen, it just depletes you of all your sexual potency. Then you become almost like a man who's horny and dissatisfied. It's the vaginal sex that you can only have and really enjoy when you have love. Love is, you know, the vaginal orgasm is more emotional, it's more fulfilling, it's more rich. It's also the product of high estrogen. If you don't have high estrogen, you don't feel. I mean, some women I've counseled feel nothing. When a penis goes in nothing, they just do it for him, as opposed to feeling like, this is the greatest thing in the world. There's a place in China I've been, I've taught In China for many years. Also India, around the world. And the ashore Indians, I'll talk a little bit about them as well. That's interesting. But there's one province in China where that you go into town, there's a big gigantic penis.

Where is that? Because I came from China.

Yeah, yeah, Chinese. So I'm thinking about it. Okay, so my wife is Chinese.

I'll ask my Chinese friends.

Yeah, so you just have to ask them. It's one of the provinces and the way I learned about it was the. They have kind of like a Epcot center. And in China it's a Chinese version of Epcot centers where you have all the countries in one place. At Disneyland land.

Yes.

World. Well, they have one of those places in China. I forget where it was. But for that particular province, you go in and then there's this big giant penis with a flange on top. And the whole story of. Of the. The town where when a woman wants to have a baby, she'll go make offerings to the penis and she'll have sex with the men she's attracted to in that place and with many men because she thinks that until they became civilized and they're still somewhat doing this, they have the belief that you. You can get the qualities of this man by having sex with him. And you want that. He's an artist. So I want a child who's an artist and also one who's a football player. You're going to get those qualities. And then, then when the woman has the baby, they. There's no father. Her uncle or her father takes care of the child. They don't have marriage like we have. So around the world there's all these amazing aspects. But clearly, in my experience as a sex counselor, the vaginal orgasm is very, very different from just the clitoral orgasm. And so I call it a climax. And hormonally, it's primarily testosterone that gets stimulated through the clitoris, which is why if men don't stimulate the clitoris, women don't feel the desire. So if you want a woman to be hot right away you go for the clitoris because then she'll start feeling desire, but she doesn't always then get to feeling need. Need is going to be a feeling of receptivity. Desire is more. I want to achieve a goal. And this is why you have something called foreplay, which is kissing and lips and affection and pillow talk and taking time to be present with each other. Then you have breast activity that's oxytocin, which is going to make more safety for the estrogen to get produced. And actually the most intimate part is the kiss. You know, a prostitute will never kiss. That's too intimate. You know, this down here, I can just shut off just. But it's, it, this is the vulnerability is the kiss. And then the, the French kiss, even more vulnerable, that's estrogen. And then you go to the breasts, sucking on the nipples, for example, very powerful oxytocin stimulator. And oxytocin creates greater safety. Now you can start having estrogen and safety. Then you can have desire. That's the clitoris. So men have to understand to take the right time for the different zones in the body. Then when you go the clitoris, you go with the clitoris not to have a climax. I don't know how we got off on this one, but I'm happy to go. It's enlightened sexuality. It's, it's, it's pretty much. And a lot of the ancient Chinese books where I've studied that which is, and also the Hindu books on tantra is you have different stages and you want to make sure. And it's the old fashioned thing. First base, second base, third base, home run, just men just want to get right to the home run, thinking that's where the action is. It's the first base. Very important. Even before first base, the synchronization of breathing, the automatic arousal of breath. Noticing the breathing, not trying to breathe the same, but noticing that arousal causes your breathing to change and allow your breathing to change and it start to begin to experience an effortless breath where it's breathing you, the arousal is breathing you. Then the kissing, then the touching. And even in that process, body hugging, moving around your body, literally fluid gets released in all your joints and your butt become very fluid. All of these are the mechanisms of raising estrogen in the woman and testosterone in the man. Because what creates the passion is the polarity of he's masculine, she's feminine. So in the beginning of a relationship, in the beginning of relationship, there's so much dopamine, the newness. Whereas familiarity sets in routine, the newness is gone. And so you don't have that free testosterone, free estrogen for women. So the way you maintain the attraction is to make sure in your personal life that the woman is more feminine, way more estrogen than the man and the man is more masculine, way more testosterone. So yes, women have testosterone, but a man, for me to have healthy testosterone needs to be 10 times higher than yours. 10 times higher. Just think of someone 10 times taller, 10 times is a lot. And for me to have romantic feelings, that's just me, I'm working for romantic feelings, it has to double again, has to shoot way up. Just like for a woman, her estrogen levels have to shoot really high. I've been teaching a long time, is that first. It was an Italian study that showed that a long time ago, back in the 90s, that when a man has sex with his wife, he's married. He also makes prolactin. Prolactin is the hormone for breastfeeding for women. But for a man, it makes prolactin when he's committed to her. But when a man has sex with himself or does porn or a stranger prostitute, one night stand any of those things without a relationship with commitment, he doesn't make prolactin. So it may make a little. But basically, when you're married to somebody, you make a lot of prolactin. So what's the effect of prolactin on men? First of all, now research is showing that you live longer if you have prolactin. Research also shows that if you're married, you live longer. Heterosexual marriage are the healthiest among the slipped couples people on the planet. Okay, so this is now the research showing. And when I talk about that research, because I'm a big fan of marriage, people say, well, that's the good marriages. I say, no, that's all marriages. Stay together, live longer. Because simply the commitment to stay together, even if you're suffering together, the fact that you're committed to suffering together, you're going to make prolactin.

Suffering because of external problems or because of each other?

Well, some couples that suffer together, you know, single people are all suffering because they want to be married. Oh, if only I was married. I only had someone to love me. And then married couples. If only I could be single again. That's not my message. Everybody that reads my book, that I work with, they all begin to experience the bliss and the ecstasy of romance. Making love on a regular basis, loving and having loving, good conversation, loving conversation, supportive. Life itself is hectic. Life is suffering. And that was the Buddha's basic teaching, is that everybody suffers, no matter what you are. And then you deny your suffering. You're still going to suffer more disease when you deny your emotional suffering that exists on this planet. And he basically said everybody's going to have problems. But suffering is optional because you can identify your suffering and realize that you're causing your own suffering. This is when you get to Enlightened state where you, you realize that you're in charge of how you feel, not your partner. But your partner does have the ability to take you higher than you can feel alone. So the idea, one of my favorite messages of Mars Venus is my job is to be happy. Your job is to be happy. My job is to make you happier. Your job is to make me happier. Now how do you make me happier? You let me make you happier. Too fast. But your brain goes fast. I'm talking so fast you can absorb it. I hope everybody can. They'll say it one more time. Everybody thinks my depending on my partner to make me happy. This is an immature relationship. I'm dependent on myself. I love myself. I got my work to do, I've got my friends, I got all this. I have a rich life without a woman in my life. But with a woman in life, my life, by providing happiness for her, I'm much happier. There's just no question about that. That's why single men will get married within three years. We are so dependent on women. Women go, how could he do that? And he's already on a dating app a month later. I mean, he's just, he gotta have sex, gotta have sex. But really what men are looking for is love. Because only through sex that men can experience the higher levels of estrogen. Otherwise, if they experience high estrogen without sex, then their estrogen is high, their testosterone is low, and they're in fight or flight. Anytime a man is in fight or flight, that's fight, fight, anger, frustration, being mad, shut down or flight shutting down is the, the flight pulling away, not interested, denial, fight or flight is a very male male reaction. Whenever men's estrogen goes high and their testosterone is low, that's provable. So that there you have your basics. So it behooves us to learn that men need to like not focus on their female side. And unfortunately, when Psychology today doesn't understand how men and women are different, they treat everybody like they're women. We have this whole sort of, you know, it's like with global warming. They say the science is, is established, except that there's a lot of global warming experts that say, yeah, we're getting hotter, but we don't know that it's man made. I know it's a controversial thing to say whether I just want to. There's just a lot of people who say the science isn't settled. And when they say 95% of all scientists agree, no, they're all government employees. If you're A government employee, you get paid. So the science isn't settled on anything. That's the whole point of this, is there's only a few basic facts. And so we want to be able to. I guess when I went off on Global Science, I might have pushed people.

So what happens? What do you do when, you know, the honeymoon period is over, that there's a natural decline?

Here's what prolactin does. Prolactin is like nature's gift. So men don't go off and have babies with somebody else. Prolactin turns off your sex energy. This is why couples aren't having sex who are married. They stop having sex. Prolactin causes you not to get horny if you're a man, but it frees you from sex addiction. See, men are all addicted to sex because we're supposed to go find a woman, have courage to do it, and get a woman, make a baby. But once you got your baby, you're not supposed to wander off and do some more. You want to stay with your baby. So when you fall in love with a woman and you have a commitment to her, which is historically, people before a woman would have a baby with you, she wants a commitment. But the commitment itself, reason, is a commitment to the woman actually produces prolactin. Prolactin inhibits your desire to have sex with others. So how do you keep having sex? I'm my 70s. I have the best sex life ever with my wife. Have no interest in sex at any time of the day until I get in bed with her. Never feel horny at all. All I have to do is get in bed with her and it's there. And it's there in her. What is this? This is what's. This is what prolactin does if you also have polarity. Polarity is I have way more testosterone than her. She has way more estrogen than me. And I make sure she does because I have all these biohacks is what I call biohacks to raise women's estrogen. They're all over the place. Everything I do is a biohack. My wife thinks I'm the most generous, giving person. I say I'm just selfish. I know. If you're happy, I'm happy.

You have to share your hacks. Can you share some of your hacks for your wife?

We start with the very simple ones and build up listening. Okay, so when women are talking about whatever's bothering them inside, I ask questions, just like a scientist. I investigate. Help me understand that better. Tell me more. What else? What did you wish? What do you want? Why do you think you feel that way? Where did that come from? It's easy for me as a therapist, so I'm a bit more sophisticated.

Yes.

Even an ordinary guy without any therapy training of how to probe into the depths of someone, you can simply just say, help me understand that better. Tell me more. The more words she speaks without you resisting her estrogen goes higher and higher and higher. That's why 90% of the people go to counselors are women, because women will pay to have somebody listen to them without judgment. If a woman. Here's the hack. First is she needs to be able to talk. A man has to listen without interrupting, without saying, what's the point? Without giving her, without minimizing her feeling, without solving her problem, without saying, well, you know, like when my wife was. We're going through a remodel of the house, which causes often a lot of depression in women. It's the only time my wife said she was depressed in our marriage. Oh, wow. Big, big. Remodeling the house. And for me, it was exciting. You know, I'm paying for it. These are all my. My army of workers in my house, all working. So I'm in control, achieving, accomplishing. That's the male side. For her, it was like invaders into her home because it was going too long, it's costing too much. So she's all concerned about that. And she would tell people, oh, I'm just feeling depressed with this. This remodel is going on so long. And everybody would say to her, whether a man or woman, it's the wrong thing. But think how wonderful it would be when it's done. That's the male side of things. That's how I'm thinking. Okay, but you're on your female side, and not all women are on their female side. But when you're on your female side, you just need to talk and have nobody tell you why you shouldn't feel what you feel. You're quite capable of going from negative to positive if given the chance to do it without somebody interrupting, telling you you're wrong for having frustration or disappointment or anxiety.

I'm so glad you said that. I can't tell you how annoying it is when somebody tells me that I need to look at the positive side. It's like, I know. I know how to get there.

Yeah, you could do it. You could do it. So it doesn't make any sense to a man, logically speaking, why talking about problems make you feel better because you're a woman. And for women, when they can talk about problems or feelings, and if they can bring emotion into it, estrogen goes up even higher. Okay, so you just talk about a problem. Somebody's listening. They're not judging you. You're feeling seen, you're feeling heard, Estrogen goes up. Now, think about a man when he's stressed. Let's say he's feeling a little grumpy inside, a little annoyed, worried, something like that. What do all women do now? They say, what's the matter, honey? What are you feeling? What's going on? Talk to me. You need to talk to me. Well, if a man talks when he's having negative emotions, that's because already his estrogen is too high. The worst thing a man can do is talk about what he's feeling if he's feeling upset, period. Now, that's hard for people. We are so indoctrinated. That's why I wanted to say that idea, like, the science is settled. Well, in psychology, the science is settled. We all need to talk about our feelings. No, we don't. Men don't. This is. Take this idea out of we don't need to talk about our feelings to feel better. If we're not feeling good, the women go, well, we're not supposed to have conversation. I said talk about everything except his feelings. What are you feeling? What are you feeling? And particularly, they want to know it. If a guy's not feeling loving, if a guy's not feeling good. So, oh, if you're not feeling good, tell me, what are the problems? Talk about it. Talk about it. No, don't talk about it. It's the worst thing for a man to do. Biologically. He already. If he's experiencing stress, that's some level of cortisol being produced by your flight to some extent. And his flight is. I don't want to talk about. That's a healthy response. If somebody's chasing you, it's healthy to run away. It's. Or to bite you. Don't. Don't go into him at that point. See, when women are upset, go into her. You know, she has two holes. Go into the vagina. That's a whole thing. Men have only one. If you go into that one, you're an. They'll get it. This is like such an important hack. Stop talking about your feelings. Men.

So what do men need when they're stressed?

They need to do something. And if they can't do something, then they have what's called a hobby. At the end of the day, you can't work, so you have a hobby or you meditate. That's another one. You're doing something that lowers your stress level. Meditation does it. A hobby does it. Watching the news does it. Watching sports does it. If I watch the news, I'm forgetting about my problems and thinking about other people's problems that I'm not blamed for.

But you're not really solving your problems.

Well, see, what men have to do is either solve your problem or forget your problems. And you can't do that as a woman. You're not designed to do that. Your brain never turns off. You can go to Harvard, studies showing have you sit down on the couch and say, we're going to put these electrodes on you. We're going to measure your brain activity. So just relax. Your brain speeds up. The woman's brain speeds up. The man's brain, it stops. You say, what are you thinking? He says, nothing. You say to a woman, what are you thinking? She says, I'm thinking about all the things I should be doing that I'm not doing because I'm doing this experiment. And her stress level goes up. We're designed to be on or off. It's a real simple thing. And when it comes to sex, it's up or it's down and no control over that. Except if we can control her in terms of helping to raise her estrogen. If I'm on testosterone and I can raise her estrogen, I will get an erection. If it's a romantic relationship, men. Because when I raise her estrogen, my estrogen goes up as well, along with my testosterone. That's another thing most men don't know. You need to have estrogen in your body to have an erection, but if you have too much estrogen, you don't have an erection. Too much estrogen. What I mean by that is just that it's. It's high and your testosterone is low. So I have. I don't want to talk about myself so much, but a man in his 70s can have an erection every day if he just has healthy testosterone levels. Because any man in his 70s, unless he's a sociopath, has very high estrogen. Natural for men's estrogen to rise. It's natural for women's testosterone to go up because you have greater competence. Men have greater wisdom as they get older. Wisdom produces estrogen. You know, this is the, you know, the whole knowledge of relationships women have built into them. They've just been had it knocked out. You know, women Know the importance of beauty in the home. Love, caring, routine, getting things, you have this wisdom built in. Men don't have that, you know, washing, cleaning, all these things are. That's the wisdom of life. If a woman's in touch with her female side, she has that and she conveys that to her children. How to have you live your life. Today, women aren't with their children. Today, women aren't connected to that wisdom. They're up on their male side becoming like men. Her can be the male side is highly efficient, highly effective, highly competent. Making results in the outer world. So when a woman's so effective in the outer world, often she's completely disconnected from her feminine side. Doesn't have to be that way. But if you look on averages, it is that way.

If you.

They did a big study of hundreds of thousands of women in the workplace and they found that women's work hormone levels in the workplace, where they're earning money, 8, 9 to 5 job kind of a thing. The average woman in that setting had double the stress levels of a man. Because see, the workplace is all about making testosterone. It's taking risks. It's risk and danger all the time. You're making decisions and if you, if you fail, you lose money, you lose your job. If you're a woman and in the family, if you're sick or don't do your job, you get, you get more compassion, you get more love. You're not being measured on competence. In a relationship, it's all about love. But in the workplace, it's like you snooze, you lose. You know, you don't do the job, you get fired. It's accountability all the time.

You're saying that the same level of stress produces a higher stress response in women?

Yes. Well, that's been proven. Okay, this is the workplace now we're talking about. It would be something different. Is the. Because you made a distinction. It's a good one. The same level of stress. The same level of workplace stress. Okay, so workplaces has its own stresses, the relationship has its own stresses. But in workplace stress, women have higher, double. And then when they come home in the study, whether they married or not, their stress level doubled again because they spent eight, eight hours of the day out of the home. The home is a place of safety. The workplace is not safety. Safety is paramount to women because if you don't feel safe, you don't make estrogen. Estrogen is the hormone that is associated with low stress in women. So you feel safe. Now you can go to A higher level of estrogen. So the research was showing oxytocin, which you're very familiar with. But oxytocin is the safety hormone. So non physical touch, for example, hugs, affection and actual circumstances of safety will produce oxytocin. And then they go. Women's stress level goes down, but that's actually not true. Turns out that it only produces stress reduction at half of her cycle. When her, when her period after, from her period to ovulation is where a woman has to go up in terms of her estrogen levels, they're rising the whole 15 days. Then after ovulation, estrogen has to go down and progesterone has to come up. She still needs some estrogen, but then she needs progesterone. Well, progesterone is the hormone that will lower stress for her at that time. If she doesn't make progesterone, she will have stress. Oxytocin is not the hormone she primarily needs. She needs some oxytocin for estrogen. But if she has a lot of estrogen, then she has what's called estrogen dominance, which is at that time she has estrogen levels but more than progesterone. Ideally it's confusing to say estrogen dominance because estrogen is a good thing. She has not enough progesterone. And really what's going on? Why doesn't she have enough progesterone? Because she has testosterone dominance. Testosterone. In order to make testosterone, a woman uses up her progesterone. So they're like opposite forces as well. So you can't make progesterone when you're like in a sort of a dangerous situation of having to make decisions, bottom line sacrifices, all that stu. We're designed for it. We've been designed for since the early time of, since all we know about history. When I go down to the indigenous Indians, first of all, one of the unique characteristics when I'm in the Ashwar Indians, at least that's where I visited. All my teaching is from my experience is they have sex every night and all the women are multi orgasmic. You hear it? You can hear, you can hear it. It's like, it's like. And you kind of go, wait a second. You know, it's not like nobody's taking them out to dinner and there's no romantic guys. You don't see any romance going on, dressing up or anything. They're just wearing this simple clothing and they do dance. They do do play music and dance that we want to entertainment. They do. But there's not a lot of affection between the men and women and so forth. But what's happening is, see women all day long are doing behaviors where they're entered. They're depending on each other, taking care of children, helping with the children, doing nurturing things. So there's a lot of reciprocity between the women and the women have activities that are all safe and routine. So, you know where you mentioned routine kills romance. Not at all if you're producing a lot of female hormones. And routine actually does produce more female hormones than testosterone, than danger. Men are doing the dirty, dangerous jobs. So dirty women are allowed in the jungle. Men are allowed in the. And the. In the garden, for example, women would be like, what a wimp. You know, they want the men to do their jobs. They do their jobs. These two separate worlds. This is where we came from and this still exists today. It's just that we've changed it all around. Where now women are in the jungle and they're making testosterone. So they're. They're taking sleeping pills. If you want to go to a big jungle, go to Brazil. At least one place I've been, Sao Paulo. I was at a medical conference, and one of the things that one of the doctors was saying that 95% of the women in Sao Paulo have to take medical sleeping pills to sleep. 95%. That's the stress levels they're having because their mind's too busy. Your brain doesn't shut off. As a woman, depending on stress, my brain, all I have to do is say, I'm tired. I'm going to watch a football game. I'm tired. I'm going to watch the news. Forget my problems. I'm tired. I'm going to go work on my car. You know, I'm tired. I've got my hobby I'm going to do. And there's good hobbies and there's bad hobbies. Today, porn has become the big cave for a lot of young people. And that is a hobby that gives you a surge of testosterone, rebuilds your testosterone for a brief moment, and it's gone. You know, the amount of time somebody spends on porn is eight minutes, according to the computers. And that means the whole time of looking for the right one that turns you on, then doing your thing, and it's over. The whole thing's done in eight minutes. And what just happened is your testosterone levels didn't rebuild. They actually deflated themselves. But then you want to do. Later, you want to do more porn. It's. It's addictive anything, which addictive means that you're taking something, that it's empty calories, like an Oreo cookie. Empty calories give you a burst, but then doesn't satisfy, so you have to go back to it. Porn, having sex with yourself. These are all empty calories. The only thing that around sex that's not an empty calorie is love. And so when you love someone, you're nourished by it. If you have sex without love, you're emptied by it. And when you're emptied by something, ironically, you crave it more. That's what all addictions are, is things that are empty calories. They don't provide. Laughing, support. Love is what does it. But love is when a woman's estrogen levels go up. And when a man can cause a woman's estrogen levels to go up, he will feel more love, and he will feel love for her because she's the one that's raising his estrogen in response to his behaviors.

You said when women get back from work into the house, they're actually more stressed. Or can you explain that?

Well, one is not enough time. There's things she wants to do. Whenever you have low estrogen and you come from work with low estrogen, right, you're not building it up all day. See, you're designed to be making estrogen all day long. And suddenly you're over here making testosterone. You're not making estrogen, so you're just depleted of estrogen and now you're at home and there's this feeling of not enough time, not enough support, not enough money, Everything becomes not enough. When you have low estrogen, when you have plenty of estrogen, your attitude is plenty of time, plenty of support, life's good, happy person. That's a healthy balance of estrogen. And then after ovulation, you still have the estrogen, but it's not so much about depending on food or others or whatever for fulfillment. It's more about freedom, depending on your personality type. But this is a little tricky. Estrogen gets produced whenever you're a doctor. When people come to you, they're depending on you, their estrogen goes up. That's why women go to doctors way more than men. We don't need the estrogen, but women feel the need to produce estrogen. Their body says, I need to depend on someone for something. So when they go to. And I think it's the foundation of the placebo effect, which is that it lowers your stress just to feel someone's taking care of you. So When a woman goes to a doctor, she feels like, you have something for me that I can't do for myself. When a woman has a husband, she has a backup. She has someone to protect her, something she doesn't have to do for herself if he's there. So there's that feeling of I don't have to do everything myself. When women are stressed, they always say things like, I feel like I have to do everything. Underline, have to, have to. Is testosterone producing. Get to. Is progesterone producing and estrogen producing is I don't have to. Okay, One is I get to. That's freedom. And there's two types of progesterone producing behaviors. One of them is social bonding. And that's actual research showing that social bonding will reduce stress in women. And it's due to progesterone. Progesterone loses stress in women. But you know, they don't do studies based upon what day of the month a woman's in the study. So if the women are all after a period somewhat, oxytocin is going to keep their stress levels low because it opens up more estrogen. But if she has oxytocin as a primary hormone of just feeling safe after ovulation, she's going to be feeling more estrogen when really she needs to be having more progesterone. And progesterone, if you're an extrovert and that all has to do with dopamine, function that you're born with is interesting. Extroverts are just people who are not efficient in using up their dopamine, so they're constantly having to make more dopamine. So they're getting dopamine by going out. Whereas introverts are very efficient in dopamine, so they'll use up their dopamine very quickly. So they don't have the motivation to go out and get their dopamine. They had a really great splash of it, felt good. Then they go back inside to gradually rebuild their dopamine. And then when you look at brain differences, why a big problem in relationships is women will say, men are so lazy after you get married, they stop doing all those little things they did in the beginning. But you have to realize our muscle fat ratio, the amino acids that build muscles are going to be used up more quickly. Those are the same amino acids that make dopamine. So when a man is using his muscles and even if he's more sedentary and he's using his brain, his muscles still clench. Okay? So he's using his muscles because he has more muscle mass and they get involved in everything. So he tends to use up his phenylalanine and his tyrosine. Those are the words. Those amino acids are necessary to make dopamine. So if he's using his physical muscles, he'll tend to use up the precursors for dopamine. So he literally runs out of the fuel by the end of the day to make dopamine. So he's not motivated. Women, on the other hand, because they don't have as much muscle mass, they have plenty of amino acids left over to produce dopamine. So they stay motivated, motivated, motivated, motivated. But their motivation is usually built upon a bit of a worry or an anxiety of it not getting done. And that's because under moderate stress in the workplace, women. Moderate stress. Not big stress. Moderate stress. I have to get here on time. Oh, there's traffic. Oh, there's a delay. Oh, I forgot to do this. I'm trying to get this person to pay their bill. Whatever it is, that's moderate stress. What they found is under moderate stress, and that's low levels of adrenaline, not cortisol. With a little bit of adrenaline. What happens for women is they have eight times more blood flow to the emotional part of the brain, so they're more sensitive on an emotional level. That's what estrogen is. They're higher estrogen beings, and so they have more sensitivity, so they have more emotional reaction. For men, under adrenaline, they actually have the blood flow stops to the emotional part of the brain. So if I'm a little stressed, I just have to drive my car a little faster than the speed limit and my stress levels go down and I don't have nothing to worry about. That's why men do these things. You know, it's a little danger for a man will actually lower his. His. It's adrenaline. But he doesn't feel any fear, he doesn't feel any anxiousness, he doesn't feel depression. Just to do a little something dangerous because the blood flow stops going to the emotional part of the brain.

How convenient.

Yeah, we are free. All we have to do is something a little dink. Go into the jungle and you feel good. But how smart? Because you know, if you're going to go into danger, you don't want to feel fear. Fear stops you. So, you know, we're designed to go into battle, to go in a jungle, to go face, you know, wild animals, to fight battles. You know, this is our whole life of survival for the woman to Protect the family. We can't have fear. Fear holds you back. Fear says, don't do that. So get rid of the emotions here and get out there and do your job. Protect your family. You do it from a place of love, but you don't necessarily feel that love. If you're feeling and you're killing somebody, you can't kill them. Listen, the love makes. Oh, you know, maybe we can talk this out. Maybe we can resolve this, you know. And while you're feeling that, they're going, I'll get you. So, you know, this is all just. Men and women are different. So a man, let's say he's a little stressed, all right? So now he's. His stress is increased. Worried about something, he's thinking about something. And we have this whole world of psychology accepted by all experts that when you're upset, you have to talk about your feelings. No, you don't have to talk about your feelings. And the women go, they get so upset with me. They say, well, doesn't he need to talk about his feelings? We have to everyone talk about feelings. No, he doesn't. No. But aren't men dysfunctional because they didn't get to cry as children? Yes, that has a role to play. When a boy up to puberty, he doesn't have high testosterone. What he has is the same estrogen levels as a little girl. So he has the same sensitivity. So he needs a lot of the same kind of empathy and support. Not exactly the same, but he does need it. But also because he didn't cry. That's not the reason why he's dysfunctional. Later. This is this most stupid thing they all say, oh, poor little boys didn't get to cry. It's like a minor trauma that you don't get to cry. You know what the big trauma is? Mom and dad don't love each other. Mom and dad fighting with each other. Mom and dad getting divorced. Mom and dad not having sex anymore because they don't love each other. That's the trauma to a little boy. Mom loves a little boy more than Daddy. That's traumatic for a child. That's rape of a child. See, I'm responsible for your happiness. That's Dad's job. You put a burden on a boy, he'll never even want to be with a girl again. All these intimacy issues. Rather just hang out with the guys, you know, this is all childhood drama because parents aren't happy. And parents are not happy because they're not making. They don't have behavior skills to Produce the hormones of happiness, which are basically estrogen for women, progesterone for women, testosterone for men. And so it's not like just the hormones make this happen. I focus on hormones because we know that when you're not happy, your hormones are out of balance. And then when the hormones are out of balance, then you have to go, okay, what do I have to say? What do I have to do? What's important to me in order to balance my hormones? And what's not known yet that you weren't taught in medical school. The most powerful stimulator of balancing hormones or throwing hormones out of balance is your relationships. You got food, we have toxicity. Certainly you have endocrine disruptors. That's all real. But bigger than that, bigger than that is your relationships. You know, if you're, if I hang out with the guys, my testosterone goes up, my estrogen doesn't go up. But if I'm with my wife all the time, I need to go fishing with the guys and what that does, or any kind of male behavior because that bumps up my testosterone. Hanging out with guys who are not in touch with their feelings and talking about all their feelings. Now you got these guys in men's groups, rather than talking about solutions to problems, with a little empathy for each other, they're all like talking about their feelings. That's not what you're to do. This is like wimp out. This is what's happening today. Look at the average 20 year old male, compare his testosterone levels to 20 years ago, it's 20% less. And look at the average direction for men is that their testosterone levels on average go down 1% every year, starting now at 20% lower, going down, down, down, down. It doesn't have to be that way. What do you think these guys in the jungle at 60 years old having sex, have low testosterone? No way. You think those women don't have great estrogen response? And yes, they do go through menopause, but your estrogen levels will drop. But it's all about measuring the balance between your testosterone, which is I have to do it myself versus my estrogen, which is I don't have to do it myself. That's what femininity is. It's the power to attract, help, success. Male side is, look what I can do, I can help, but look what I can do, I can get other people to do for me. That's the real female empowerment, which is completely lost, which is how to attract the right man for you, attract the right support for you. And it used to Be culture did it for you. Culture put you in a situation as a woman that made lots of estrogen, lots of progesterone, and men made lots of testosterone because they would go out, face danger, produce their testosterone, then they come back and their wives were appreciative and grateful and their life was hands and there'd be great sex. It's like every, every romantic novel is woman in distress and man solves the problem. Man's the hero. What are we seeing on TV now? All we're seeing now on Netflix is women heroes and men taking orders from women. This is insane. It's just no romance. There can be no, no more sex. And that's what's happening.

Well, how do you face that thought? Comparing with the female empowerment? You know what we're trying, you know, we're actually allowing women to, to blossom, right? To, to become doctors and lawyers, to, to actually use their intellect. How do you reconcile that?

I have no problem with women becoming doctors and lawyers. None at all. What I see, that's evolution, that's progress. I have no problem with men spending time with their children and fathering their kids. I was very lucky in my marriage to get out of child. My wife was married before and she had two little children when I met her. And she said, I'm not having any more children. I said, why? You know, and she said, because my last husband left me and I'm not going to be a single mother again. I'm not gonna have another baby. So I convinced her I was never going to leave her. And that'd be a 50, 50 parent. Okay. And I was, and that I'm glad I did that because when I'm my 90s and then, you know, when I was selling 50,000 books a weekend, okay, that's like a, they, you know, huge amounts of people reading Men from Mars. I had so many opportunities. I'd fly to China, get paid a hundred thousand dollars for a one hour talk. Flying first class. It was like wild. All these places I could go, but nope, not going to do it all because I promised to take my kids to school. Okay, I took my kids to school. I'll go. I, you know, I made sure I was a 50, 50 parent. I'm so grateful for that. I had plenty of success that didn't interfere. I just didn't have as much because I didn't follow every opportunity. I was a good parent. My kids are so happy. They're so grateful for that and I'm grateful for that. I mean, what a great person. I became because I also have my female side. I'm a very loving person. My wife was happier too, because she didn't feel the whole burden of parenting by herself and she could also have her job. So I'm not saying women can be educated, have their jobs. It's just that they need to be. Ideally, they need to have a man in their life. And biologically, it's true. I'd start out by saying if you're married, you have a man who's committed to you, you have love in your life, even if there's problems, you're still going to live longer and you're going to be healthier.

I thought there were statistics saying that women who are single actually live longer than women who are married. But it's reversed for men.

No, I haven't seen that statistic. Okay, it'd be women who are single compared to single men. That would be true. But at this, the studies I've seen over and over are, women are married couples, live longer than single people, period, and they're healthier than single people. And then there's other things. You know, if you look at people who get to over 80, half of them have dementia. And then there's more research coming out that what causes dementia is loss of muscle mass. So men do tend to have more muscle mass, and so they're going to have much less. 80% of dementia over 80 is women. So women are going to have all this dementia and they need to keep their muscle mass. And the problem is that they start out with less muscle mass and then they diet. And when you diet to sort of keep your figure and look pretty and whatever and feel good and be healthy, well, when you diet, you're getting empty calories, basically. You're not getting all the calories you need and your metabolism goes down. So, you know, I was like, did 16 shows with Oprah. I was a good friend with Oprah for a while until I was a sexist. And they wouldn't let me on the show anymore because I was taught at Stanford. I gave talks at Harvard. No longer imitations. You're a sexist. Same thing with Oprah. They told her, you can't promote this guy. She was a fan, big fan. But the whole climate change is, if you talk about men and women are different, you're a bad person, you're a sexist. You know, so people hate me. They think I'm a sexist. I've been called dangerous. I've gotten live death, death threats. I was canceled off of all national TV in one year, one year all went away. I used to be on every single show. Biggest selling author in the whole world talking about gender differences. And in one day, Oprah didn't have me on today's show, didn't have me on cbs, didn't have me on Katie Couric. She stopped, you know, being a news anchor. She was like telling her she. I don't know if this was the only reason. I know that we were planning a six series thing on Mana from Mars. And then they wouldn't let her do it. And what I heard later is that they wouldn't let her do her own creative thing. So obviously I was one of those things. But, you know, this is our, this is our culture. You know, we're being indoctrinated that men and women are not different, that we're the same. Now what happens when men and women are the same? There's no sexual attraction, there's less babies. They already say we have too many people on the planet. Right? That's their whole agenda. World Economic Forum. Get rid of 80 to 80% of the people. What are we, how are we going to do that? You got to stop making babies. There's too many babies. Well, what makes babies? Sex. We have to stop sex. And the children we do have, if you got both men and women working, those children have to go to school right from a young age. And who runs the schools right now? The United nations this year has proclaimed such education for children program. Third grade. You're teaching a masturbation is self love. It's the worst thing possible. You're draining children of their brain and their intelligence by having a masturbate. This is like a crazy thing. Every culture throughout time has said masturbation will weaken you, loses your brain power, loses your heart power. Right now we know masturbation is lowering the testosterone levels in males. It's this crisis. It's terrible. And then now you got females doing it. Then they're like depending on their clitoris in order to feel happy in life. This is insane. That's just another activity of producing testosterone. They have plenty of testosterone. What you need is to balance your testosterone with your estrogen. Women do need more testosterone. That's why they'll take testosterone, for the libido. But it's going the wrong direction. It's basically they need, they need to make estrogen and they'll have plenty of testosterone.

Well, going back to the subject of making more estrogen and your secrets of keeping your wife so happy you mentioned listening is one of the major ways to elevate her estrogen.

Absolutely. No question. About. Now another one is giving reassurance. You're so beautiful. You're so wonderful. Now that's one way of doing it. Bonnie used to always have any reassurance, you know, because here I'm busy working all the time. I'm completely ignoring her, okay? And for her, it's kind of like she's always like, connected to me. But for me as a man, you disconnect to produce testosterone. See, anytime you're pumping up testosterone, mine are just off the chart. Now, in my 70s, I mentioned 50% higher, sometimes 100% higher. Like right now, they would be 100% higher than when I was a young man. Confidence, confidence, skill, opportunity to make a difference. Testosterone levels shoot up. So when you. When you have that, you're detached, you have two sides of us. Attached, connected and detached. Detached doesn't necessarily mean that you're indifferent to others. Okay? That's your. That's. That. That would be testosterone without estrogen. Undetached and indifferent. That's a social path. That's a politician. You know, there's books written by authority figures from big universities saying that almost all presidents have been psychopaths. And some are just social. Psycho. Social paths that you can declare war. You're a psychopath. This is just what it is. Who wants to be a politician? Have half the world hate you and. And just make decisions like that's a. It's a unique job. I'm not saying it. I say, I read it in the books by educated people that they're all psychopaths. All have symptoms of psychopaths, okay? And what it is biologically what a psychopath is, is particularly mental who have no estrogen and then high testosterone. Now, women can be borderline and we can give other names for it, but it would be low estrogen for men. Low estrogen. No, estrogen is a psychopath. And psychopaths only feel they get off on causing pain to others. Because when you particularly causing pain to a woman or a weak person, if you can cause pain to someone, you get a glimpse of estrogen and you get an erection. They can't get erections without causing pain to others.

Causing pain gives them a glimpse of estrogen that they. They feel.

Because, see, they can't feel. See, I feel more through loving my wife, doing something for my wife, then I will feel more turned on. A man turned on means his testosterone is going up along with his estrogen. So if I do something nice for my wife and her estrogen goes up because I'm connecting with her. My estrogen goes up along with my testosterone. Testosterone stays high because I'm doing something, I'm providing something. When a woman provides for a man, it just makes him weak. That's why romance is about. It's, it's a two way street. The man gives and the woman gives him the opportunity to give to her. It's like giving is great as long as. But if it's a woman to a man, don't give to him. Give him the opportunity to give to you.

Well, this, these days things are changed because women have so much more economic power, right? About all this equality that you both.

Give, first of all, it was women who did it. And so let's put, put the pictures blank. You guys said we want to be like men and all men want us to do is make women happy. Okay? That's the main thing we want. And when you get down to, unless he's being defensive or whatever, when a man leaves a wife, he always says, no matter what I do, it's not enough to make her happy. That's all we care about. Because if we can make you happy, we feel whole. If you make a man happy, you don't feel whole. If I can make you happy, my female side gets awakened because I can't access it like the way a woman can. What happens is the biological differences between men and women is the Y chromosome. That's it, the Y chromosome. After three weeks, boys are just like girls. There's no differentiation. After three weeks, Y chromosome comes in, it produces three gene, 23 genes, 23 genes that I've got that you don't as a woman, those, the function of those 23 genes is to override many of my female genes. So I can't make a vagina, so I get a penis, so I can't make so much estrogen. I depend on testosterone. And that's all we know is there's 23 genes that override female genes. Science doesn't say that. Well, we do know that those overriding genes causes my vagina to come out and become a penis. Okay, so there's, you know, so and so they're responsible for these biological differences. But I'm talking about along with the biological differences to make a baby, which your body can do and mine can't, you need lots of estrogen. And to make the baby from my side, to be wanting to make the baby with you, I need lots of testosterone. So nature's got it all figured out. Infinite intelligence. We are biologically different. So I can't access my female genes, but by connecting with you through love, I can. That's why men, they get a divorce, they're off trying to connect with another woman. Women, after a divorce, nine years before, on average, if they get married, otherwise they just stay single. So many women stay single because no man is ever good enough for them, because no man can be good enough for them because their estrogen levels are too low. When your estrogen is low, you get the feeling of not enough. It doesn't finish the sentence saying not enough estrogen. It's not enough time, not enough intelligence, not enough money, not enough support, not enough food, not enough support. It's all not enough. Anytime you're into I'm not, I have not enough. And it's stressing you out, okay? It's not enough estrogen. That's what estrogen is. Estrogen is I can have, I can have. That's why women love to shop when they love to shop.

And for both men and women, it's the same thing. The too little estrogen.

No, no. Too little testosterone. No, no, no. It's just the opposite. Just the opposite. Not enough estrogen in men makes men desire to please women, makes men to desire to make money, to do whatever it takes to please a woman, to get a woman to have a woman, to have sex with a woman. Even sex is. Men want sex. And I, you know what I'm really saying there at the higher level, you know, things have reasons for them. Men want sex because it's only through sex that he can wake up his female genes and feel love. We all need love. So God, in a sense, God takes away our ability to feel love, which feels really good. But we have to do things, nice things for women in order to feel love. So built in.

Oh, wow, I've never heard of it put in that way. That's very endearing. Want to have sex? If that's that they're searching for, well.

Here they go a little bit further into it. We all need love. Love makes. Feels really good. And I can get only so much love by having an audience clap for me and people thinking I'm wonderful. Okay, I feel loved, okay, I feel appreciated, I feel accepted, I feel trusted. All that, That's a certain amount of love. But it can never bring my testosterone up along with the estrogen. Like making love. See, that's what we call sex, making love. So what happens is when a woman displays more vulnerability and I'm able to provide fulfillment for her, what Happens is my testosterone goes up, but so does my estrogen. So they'd be able to rise together. And that's what making love is. And so there's a biohack for that. I know our time's up. I talk really fast because your brain works really fast. So. Smart lady. So here's one of the biohacks and everything that we call traditional romantic behaviors. Like a man taking a woman on a date. He takes her on the date. She doesn't take him on the date. He takes the date where she wants to go, not where he wants to go. A date is all for her, her, her. A woman should. A man says, what do you want to do? Don't say to him, what do you want to do? That's not romance. Doing what a man wants to do is not romance. And if a woman thinks it is, she doesn't know and her estrogen levels are too low. She feels guilty receiving so much. But to see reality is that women have this beautiful gene, which is that men don't have as much. And it's called reciprocity. Today for you, tomorrow for me. If you give to me, I want to give to you tomorrow. That's just the way women are. That's why men. You don't ever have to change a woman. All you have to do is find out what she needs and give her what she needs. And she'll give you exactly what you need. It's reciprocal. And what do men need most? They need all those things that bump up their testosterone. And what are those things that will bump up testosterone? Feel like what I did was appreciated, who I am. You accept me just the way I am. You're not trying to improve or fix me. And you trust me. You can depend on me. And the way you show you that you can depend on a man is you ask for help a lot. And women on their male side don't ask for help. Just like men on their male side don't ask for help because we feel better. I can do it myself. But when I do it myself, I just want to. I want to do it myself. Because that's my nature as a man, to prove, see, I'm worthy of your love. I'm an independent guy. You don't have to be. I'm not a child. I can do it myself. See, when men become estrogen dominant, which is talking about their feelings, the only way a woman can respond is that you will produce the hormones of a mother. You can't be turned on to your children. And then you Also resent that your husband is. You feel he's a child. How many women have I heard he's a child? That's your opinion. You made him into a child in your mind by giving him so much. He doesn't want it. If he does, he is a child. But you don't give it to him and he'll grow up. Give him the opportunity to make you grow up. Because all of your negative emotions are childlike. It's all child. It's the limbic system. It's the unformed brain of the prefrontal cortex. You're a child at that time. Nothing wrong with that. You want to stay integrated. That's where all the love and all the juice is. That's where your sexuality has to come from. So when you have emotions, a man should learn how to listen to that without getting emotional back. But being empathetic. That's it. Just asking questions, not reacting back. You could be angry. I don't get angry back now. How do I avoid getting angry back? By not talking. Because if you're having sex with someone, you're like a child too. We all become like children in relationships because when did you ever get naked with somebody? It's when you're a baby. So when you feel all these strong feelings of love when you're a child. So we all become childlike. But what a man has to do is, in the midst of that is maintain this adult detachment that you can have. Whereas the woman can go into her emotions and they can be irrational, they can be overreactions. That's the thing you wanted to be irrationally happy with you in sex. What's up? Sensitive woman who can go to the heights of ecstasy and think you're the most amazing person in the world to attach to you. Well, you have to give her the space to raise her estrogen up to loser mind, so to speak. Which is the way the French call a real orgasm, which is the little death. You lose your mind. Get out of your head. We can get out of our heads. It's not a big deal to us. I can just go watch the news and I'm not me at all, just somebody else. Watch a football game. I'm not me at all. It's. Women can't do that. It's through making love, having a man be there for you, one outside the bedroom. It's allowing your feelings to come forth and let you on your own. It's kind of like a circle. You start out feeling upset and after a while you realize there's not much to be upset about. What was a big deal is not a big deal. It's a normal thing. I want my wife to make me a big deal in the bedroom. So if, you know, if I want that, you have to realize things. She'll have these emotional reactions based upon her need for more estrogen. But the problem for this, you know, this whole book's 400 page book, you know, with all these different biofacts. But I want to finish up because. Yeah.

Which was the name of the book?

Oh, this book is called Beyond Mars and Venus. I think it's backwards in the screen, but it's Beyond Earth and Venus and it's a relationship skills for today's complex world. In essence, the book is how do you for women the book would be how to use a man to come back to your female side. And when you can come back to your female side through your relationship with a man. Then when you're at work because you anticipate coming home to a life where there's a man who, so you don't have to do everything because he's there to help. He's your helper, always your helper, happy to help. When you have a partner who's always happy to help, at least most of the time he's happy to help, what happens then is your brain goes, oh, I'm going home to that. When the day is over, I'll go home to that. Then you'll actually be making estrogen in a testosterone world. That's how you don't have to give up being an educated, smart, intelligent person. You know that there's your balance of life. When you go home, there'll be all this source of estrogen. And yes, without a man in your life, you can also have friends, you can have children, you can have family. All these things can be estrogen producer, going shopping, can be going to the therapist, go see your doctor, talk about your feelings, journal your feelings, pray to God all these are estrogen stimulators. Dance seeing estrogen stimulators. But nothing will bring you as high as having a man because you're dealing with survival there. You're dealing with the primitive part of it. You're not alone. The most stress producing thing is a feeling of being alone. If you're a woman, okay, this is like the number of things. So knowing there's this companionship of somebody who's not needing more from you. So men have to give up their neediness completely. And the only time men are needy is, is when their Estrogen levels are high. If their estrogen levels are low, then they have testosterone. As the dominant testosterone says, I'm the answer, I've got the answer. I can handle it. And so you can go to your side, go, I need your help. And that's the again, that's the whole talked about sex, the clitoris. First you open up her estrogen with the kissing and the love talk and the cuddling. Now that's where oxytocin touching the breast, that's more oxytocin. Estrogen go even higher. Then you go clitoris. Estrogen's going high. Now clitoris starts to balance your estrogen and testosterone. And from there you can go, you shift from what I want to. What I want is to be penetrated. Because why do I want that? Because I need to feel you inside of me. I need to feel the masculine and me caring for me. And I'm on my female side. And you go to the highest levels. If a man can do that, men have to learn how to do that as well. Women have to learn. That's my. I have a class called Secrets of Great Sex. All the details are there. How to make sure the man provides for the woman and the woman gets what she needs as opposed to thinking about him. It always comes back to stop thinking about him, but think about giving him the opportunity to give to you. Which we briefly covered on how to ask for help. So one of the ultimate things, I want to finish on this because I have so many acts in my brain just like. But here's a really good one. Are you married? No. Okay, so if you were married, this is like a super hack to keep the sex going. If you're not married, stop having sex. That's what I say. You're just giving away your femininity to have sex with a man who doesn't love you. It's just sex without love is. Is first of all. Then you're not motivated to find love. You're dissipating your feminine energy by having sex primarily just for the pleasure. See, pleasure is energy going out of you. This is why people, if you eat a lot of ice cream or sugar, you'll be drained later. Sex without love is draining. But if you know, sex with yourself, sex with a stranger, nothing comes back to you. With sex with love, that energy is released and then filled up with love. So sex is our low energy that brings up to the heart and then there's the languaging. The communication brings it all the way up to the head. So this is a Hack for great sex or making love. You're in a relationship and you want what couples want to feel. After the honeymoon phase is over, the newness went away. What does newness do? It raises estrogen for women, testosterone for men. The result of that is polarity. That's attraction, mutual attraction. When they get into each other, when they connect, she wants him in and he wants to go in. That's the male, female polarity. That's going to go away. You know, that's free and it goes away. And then couples don't know how to give back. Well, think about it. If you want to feel like you felt in that stage, what were you feeling in that stage? And what women are feeling is what the following. What she's feeling is, do you like me? Are you happy to be with me? Am I attractive to you? Do you think I'm beautiful? Are you happy to be with me? Am I the only one for you? Are you sure I'm the only one for you? Are you going to leave me? No. We had an argument the other day. Are you still angry with me? No. See, these are the things women are thinking at the beginning, okay? They're right for me. All that comes from pure vulnerability, which is where you're needing something, you're not sure if you have it and if you don't have it, it's painful. So every time you look in the mirror, you're thinking, am I beautiful? You look at the little wrinkles over there. Am I beautiful? Am I. Am I losing my attraction? So this is my wife would say to me, I need reassurance. I need reassurance. I know. What kind of reassure? What does she mean by that? We'll figure it out. She needs to say to me every day. Now, one of the biohacks is four hugs a day. Just that, that a man is pursuing you, giving you a non sexual hug that will last six to seven seconds. Biologically been proven to raise your estrogen. Just wow. Just a six, seven hug. Not sexual. I'm not needing anything from you. I'm just connecting with you. And then sometimes a nice kind word. But at least during one of those four hugs, it's easy. The way I do it is a system. First thing in the morning, when I leave, when I come back, and before I go to bed, always going to do that. All right? And I pursue her for it. She doesn't come to me, I go to her. This whole thing of men looking to women makes women feel seen and heard and desired. You have to feel desired and now next thing is you got that set as a simple hack. Then the next hack on that is in one of those hugs, she initiates a vulnerable. Being vulnerable to say, and this is a script, you've already practiced it, this is what you're doing. She's going to start by saying, do you like me? Yes. Do you love me? Yes. So it's just, it's called the warm up of. That's going to. The feelings are going to start to happen because she's being vulnerable. Of course. You wonder if your husband's mad at you, does he like you? Does he like you as much? Does he love you? All this stuff is going on in the crevices of a woman's feelings. So we're just going to address it because it's all there in the beginning because it's pure vulnerability. And as opposed to I'm so confident I know you love me and I don't need your love if you don't love me. And I'm a tough whatever it is, this is vulnerability. And what does vulnerability do When a woman is vulnerable? Makes a man more in touch with his feelings. Feelings. So they already have sexual feelings. That makes a man. Woman take off her clothes. That's vulnerable. Men start to get turned on, but that wears out very quickly. Without the dopamine, what turns a man on is always her woman's, her vulnerability, which is like a vagina. He puts his penis in it. So this is the. The vulnerability is I need something from you and if I don't get it, it will be painful and I don't ever want to hurt you. So I'm going to give you what you want and then I'm going to feel more love for you because I just gave you something you needed and wanted for. So what does that look like? I give all that just so people will do this. You have to understand the whole depth of this. It's very simple technique. All the hacks are super simple. And it is. So you do a hug and then afterwards you say, do you love me? You could start with, do you like me? Yes. Do you love me? Yes. How much do you love me? I love you with all my heart. Now he's starting to feel a little bit because she's revealing a little vulnerability. Because just to say, how much do you love me? It's vulnerable. What if he says, well, I don't love you as much because you did this. So then you say, do you love me? He says, yes. How much do you love me? With all my heart. Do you think I'm beautiful? I think you're so beautiful. That's where the sweetness comes in. I think you're so beautiful. Women do not know how beautiful they are to men. You cannot know. You're so judgmental of yourselves. And as men start to feel their love by. You ask these questions, and because you're asking, he will feel it more then. Then you say, do you think I'm beautiful? So you're so beautiful, you say, are you happy to be married to me? If you're married, are you happy to be dating me? If you're, you know, taking a long time to get married, are you happy to. I'm your partner. I'm so happy you're my partner. Are you glad we met? Yes, I'm glad we met. Do you regret our relationship? No. If you're married, do you regret marrying me? No, I don't regret. I'll marry you again today. I'm so happy to be married. Oh. Are you happy to be married to me? Yes. Are you happy to be married to me? And you can be playful with this. You can add other things, but your first part of the script is the warmup, kind of like the foreplay. Do you love me? Yes. How much do you love me? With all my heart. Do you think I'm beautiful? That's where you get more beautiful, more vulnerable. Now, if you don't have this as a process, a biohack, what you would do is you'd say to him, oh, honey, do you love me? He'd say, of course I love you. Why would you ask such a stupid question? Preference to this is, I know you love me. I know you think I'm beautiful, but I like to hear it. Just like when I as a man give a talk, I know the audience is getting benefit. However, if they clap, I feel better. And if they stand up and do a standing ovation, I feel even better. And just because that's the reassurance that I did a good job. And that's what women need, is not. Their male side needs reassurance. You did a good job. The female side is reassured that you are loved just the way you are, just the way you are. You don't have to earn that. He adores you. And that's. You need to hear that over and over and over. And that will your estrogen up. Now, do those. Those natives in Africa that I stayed with, or the natives and the Amazon that I was with, do they need that? No. Because those women all have lots of estrogen that reassurance builds up estrogen. The fact that those men go into the jungle is the reassurance that they need that they've got a man who risked their life for them. But see, now, and the other thing, just after one more final thing, but we finish up because we're a little over time, is the more money a woman makes, the less estrogen she will have. Really? Yeah, because you don't need a man, see, because when women, those women in the jungle, they need men for protection. My mother needed my dad for money because she was raising seven children and didn't have a job at the time, although she was a Stanford graduate, so she was educated. But then when she had her baby, babies, she needed a man first to provide, to make the money. Two, she needed a man to be the policeman because she used to say, with her six boys, you don't listen to me, I'm telling your father. And then he would punish us. So we lived in, you know, dad would do that job. So when you make money, you no longer need men for money. So it's. It's like until someone helps you understand, what do I need a man for? Now you've got that thing. And let's say you grew up in a family without a loving dad, then you don't know what you need a man for. Because if your dad just made money, was a good guy, but he just made money, then if you don't need money, then what do I need a man for? If you had a guy who the potential of now with mom and dad both making money and mom coming home a little stressed out, and dad being affectionate, dad listening to her, dad helping out with family chores, then you know why you need a man. But women don't know why I need a man. And when you don't feel I need something, you're hypercritical. Men. It's like, I have. I have a best friend. Thirty years ago, I was homeless after being a monk for nine years. I had no money, and I was living on the beaches, preaching to homeless people, suffering, basically starving. And a friend of mine who had been a monk with me was already out in the world, had a job. He gave me $50. He said he might need this and gave me $50, which is like back then was giving somebody $500, even a thousand dollars. And boy, was I grateful. To this day, is my best friend. I'm always grateful. When you, when you give to somebody when they're vulnerable, you bond. That's the deepest bond and the deepest, most vulnerable part of a woman is, do you love me? Are you always going to be with me? Will you always be with me? Are you happy you married me? Do you think I'm beautiful? Because aging according to our standards, in our society, you lose beauty, but emotionally, you never lose beauty if your heart's open. This is just what turns men on, is a woman's vulnerability. Trusting him is depending on him for that. Reassurance is a gift to him, but he has to live up to it. He has to respect you. He has his side of the whole thing.

So this lower estrogen level when a woman has higher income, has this been validated with research?

Of course. Look at all, you're a doctor. How many women have estrogen levels who are professionals and go down to the ashore Indians, they don't have estrogen problems.

I thought as the modern day, you know, is our toxic food and environment.

I thought that was certainly that adds to it. No doubt about it. All of your toxic food is endocrine disruptors. Without a question. But what you'll see is that where's the guidance here on this one, which is we now have this whole system of giving women hormones. Okay. And also we have some science that shows that when women take hormones, they're attracted to the wrong men. You know that?

No.

Yeah. This is amazing studies where they find that when women go off of their birth control, they find they're not turned on to their partner because they're actually turned on to a different type of man. Oh. Because the hormones taking hormones interferes with your natural attraction to men. It's very, very weird. A lot of crazy stuff we've done. But when you take hormones, your body no longer makes hormones. If your body needs to make hormones, how do you make your estrogen? But depending on a man or depending on your doctor, that's also depending on your therapist, you become more independent. When you take hormones, you don't have to feel the deep, the part of you that's dependent, the part of you that needs. So taking hormones, you don't know what you need as a woman. And put that in medical terms, you know, if you don't have vitamin D, you'll get sick and you're sick and you go, oh, I'm sick because I don't have any vitamin D or I'm sick or I have estrogen problems because I'm overweight. You know, the number one cause of inability to produce estrogen is belly fat. And then the number one cause of inability to make testosterone for men is belly fat. All your Hormones. The biggest endocrine disruptor you can have is this padding of protection. If you look at a woman who's been traumatized, she'll put on a lot of weight to protect herself from feeling her emotions. And you know, one of my relatives, she's a, a big woman, okay, and, and she just barrels in. You can say anything. She's tough woman. You know, it's like her shield is she doesn't have to feel anything if you put on extra weight in the belly. So it turns off feeling for women and it turns on feeling for men. Basically, the belly fat, its job for a woman even is to, is to. Belly fat makes estrogen. One belly fat will. Then its function then is to store fat. Okay? So your body stores fat as a release of estrogen. So when you have your period, you're going through ovulation. More, more and more estrogen gets produced so you can store fat in case you get pregnant. And then when it goes down, you can start losing weight easier at that time, but hard to lose it when you're on your way up because your body is making more estrogen. So estrogen stores fat. Well, for men, if you get an estrogen in your belly, estrogen produces. I mean, belly fat produces estrogen. And that estrogen produced by your belly fat inhibits your testosterone. It actually causes. I forget the name of the hormone that converts testosterone to estrogen. It. But basically that's another issue when you look at taking hormones, in my opinion, it's not always the answer, and often it's definitely not the answer you get to. The cause of it is you're not in relationships where you feel safe and dependent on people. If you're a woman, your testosterone goes down if you're not working in a way that's of service to others and being rewarded. So there's so much violence in relationships when men are out of work or when they're not being paid for what they do. Okay? So men have to feel like, you know, I put forth effort. I get rewarded. If they don't, their testosterone goes down. Mine's so high because I get, I get. Well, I'm well rewarded for what I do, but more so with my wife, I'm well rewarded. That's why you see like Bill, these billionaires, you know, I mean, I love Elon Musk, but, you know, talk to his ex wives and they'll say he's a great man, but not marriage material. He does not understand women at all. He understands rockets and making money. That's not his thing doesn't make him a bad person. He's slightly autistic anyway. So that's part of why he doesn't have those relationship skills. So he, if you look at the Amazon guy, his wife can't stand him. Look at his wife can't stand him. He's a pervert. You know, he went to Epson island, mates. That's why she said she left him.

Really?

Yeah, he said it right on the news. He says, you know his relationship with Epstein? Epstein, the most well known pervert on the planet. They had a close relationship. So she said, I'm not about to hang out with him. He's the most evil man I've ever met. And yet he was Bill Gates buddy off on his flight to his island where they raped girls. That's all well known. Now your pedophiles, that's why I call them a pervert. And they were sick. And they're sick because when men get paid more than they're worth, they also become mentally ill. This is also well known that it was used to be called Playboys. If your parents were rich and you're a male and you didn't have to earn your money, you had low testosterone, you had high estrogen. So all you cared about is having fun and playing. That's what men do then. Now what we have is a whole younger generation just want to play video games and masturbate. They're like all Playboys because. Because it's so available to them and it's like cocaine. It immediately raise their estrogen, suppress their testosterone. We're in a big mess right now. And a lot of that is that 60% of males grow up without a father in the home. What does this do for a girl? She has no interest in males. You can't trust a male. What do I need them for? They're too weird. You know, it's like they don't see how amazing having a father in the home could be. And they have a mother and they don't know what happy female is either because they have a mother who's not happy because she didn't have a man. You can't raise a child by yourself and be happy. It's the most stressful job on the planet. A single mother.

What is this solution for men and women in this day and age? Women are working, they're making money. Supposedly. I heard that women nowadays on average are making more money than men.

On average they are. They make 30. For the same job, for the same job and the same. My wife has just brought me a drink. We're going over time. So we're going to be a little casual here. She works very hard. She's a chef, and she makes Chinese desserts. Oh, okay.

That's great. Those are not very sweet.

That's why she says, what do the white people like? We like.

Oh, is your wife Chinese?

Yeah, she's Chinese.

Oh, wonderful.

My wife of 34 years, she was Jewish and then when she died, because I've been living in China and teaching in China for so long.

And how long have you been married with her?

I think we're married. How long? Three years.

Three years.

Okay.

What? Okay. But I have to ask you one question, because recently it came up. There are people who do not believe in monogamy. They do not think it's natural or healthy.

They're just wrong. You know, you can have wrong beliefs. You can believe that global warming is caused by cow sparks. Yeah. You can believe that they're wrong. Okay? The global warming has always been happening. You know, we came from an ice age and the history is, heat got hot, it gets cold, it gets hot, it's cold. The weather is like a woman. It's always changing. What we do has very little influence on the weather, except our government has figured out with harvest harp how to control weather greatly. The Chinese do it. It's in the papers now. Find our governments admitting they can control weather. They can create hurricanes, they can create earthquakes. They can do all this stuff. They can also. This harp itself heats up the atmosphere. So we can affect the atmosphere with our technology, not with our car forts or with our car exhaust. And carbon dioxide is not a pollutant. It was about three years ago that they started saying that carbon dioxide was a pollutant. It's not a pollutant. Carbon dioxide is the best thing for nature. Okay? Plants thrive on carbon dioxide and.

Okay, coming back to monogamy, John. Coming back to monogamy.

So let me tell you about monogamy. Love. Love is natural, right? We all want to love. Men love women, women love men. If you had examples of how wonderful love is, now people are missing that. So men are born addicted to sex. All males want to have sex. Our sex center is much bigger. We want to have sex. But what happens is that we can. If women don't give it away, then a man has to earn it. So that's what was called getting married is you had to prove to her that if you had a baby, you would stay with her, that you're a committed man. If you're a committed man to a woman, after sex, your body makes prolactin. Prolactin then has the effect of causing you not to have erections when you look at other women, but also not to have erections with your wife. So what allows you to have erections with your wife is for thousands of years, men used to naturally have much higher testosterone levels than women, regardless of whether it's a new relationship or not. And women, their activities during the day were all estrogen centered. So women have high estrogen, men have high testosterone. That would create a magnetism that allows you to be turned on to each other. Well, we don't have that polarity today. So couples are wandering around and they're just, they're bored in their relationships because they have no polarity. They experience passion for the first period of time, which always called the honeymoon period, where you just have lots and lots of sex, okay? And then it goes away. And the reason it goes away is if you're married and you love someone, you will stay committed to them even if you don't have sex drive. That's today. But people want sex today. In the past, you kept the sex drive because you had enough polarity between the man and a woman. You'll only see that in more indigenous tribes where you really have women only doing things that produce female hormones and men only doing things that produce male hormones. We've lost that. I'm not saying go back to that. I'm saying move ahead. Women can make their male hormones because I think this is a higher state of consciousness. The higher state of consciousness, the soul. Consciousness is soul mate, is someone allows you to access the amazing fulfillment that other generations haven't experienced, which is a soul mate relationship connects you with your soul and the soul. And you know, I'm a monk, I'm spiritual. I know I'm enlightened. You know, I have enlightened sex. I have a light relationship, soul mate, soul power. I crack my life. I'm know what I'm talking about to a certain extent. But my soul is both masculine and feminine, and my soul is both masculine, feminine. Now, personally, why I even say that is occasionally my soul talks to me out loud, okay? So one day my soul said to me, if I could say it was God talking or an angel talking with some voice outside of me was talking. It said, hi, John. That was it. The tone of voice was so masculine and so feminine. I've never heard any tone of voice like that was a soul. It was purity, pure power, confidence, integrity, strength. At the same time. Pure love, joy, softness, hard and soft at the same time. This is what all the ancient traditions talk about, yin and the yang. The Hindus will have the God, the male God, the female, their ecstasy together. And he's the God and she's the goddess, all that stuff. That's the soul. The soul is both masculine, feminine, our bodies. Is to bring the soul into the body means that I need to be accessed first. I have to be grounded in my masculine body, my good old Y chromosome, and be able to also simultaneously aspect connect with my female qualities. So I have both masculine qualities and feminine qualities. That is the wholeness. You know, the whole idea of Plato and talking about soul mates, you're. You're looking for your other half. That's how you find completeness in life. The other half of a man is a woman. The other half of a woman is a man. So when a woman can have a man, she can then find her female side. When a man can have a woman, he can find his female side. That's what we're all looking for, is the female side. So see, if a woman has to be masculine, she can't connect with her female energy. She's busy being masculine. But a man steps in and says, I'll be your male side. She can now discover her true self, which is her female anchored in her body. But also having this male allows her to feel both her masculine qualities and her female qualities. They all come alive. Same thing for me, through love of my wife particularly, my male and female sides come together. Now that's the wholeness. So here you are a doctor, you studied hard, you develop your male side. There's no question about it. Your parents, if you're Chinese, you had to perform. You have pressure. You have to be the child they're proud of. That's all your male side. So then how to come back to your female side is practice these hacks of seeking reassurance from your partner. Having a man who really can hear you, man who will never be angry at you, never be angry. Your father would get angry. Chinese men, they're all. Get all angry dominant, they call that masculinity. South American, oh, that's macho. Hyper masculinity. All macho behaviors, hyper femininity. It's just that men go to their female side, they become angry, see all dominance, trying to dominate others, attack on, that's just insecurity. When you're confident, you don't hurt anybody. And if you have to protect yourself, you're like a, you know, a A karate master, a chi kung master. You're cool, calm and collected. I love Chinese movies because always the heroes never get upset about anything. They're kind, they're generous, they're powerful. They don't get perturbed about things. They worry about nothing. They believe in God. They. They're the good guys. The good guys never get angry. And if you are angry, you don't talk. So it's a big thing. Part of the Chinese culture is men not to talk. Because they knew that if men are upset and they talk, they only become violent. So this is what we have to learn today. Men, stop talking about your feelings. Talk about what you think it's fine. Talk about the weather, talk about the politics, talk about your job, talk about education, talk about new ideas, talk about theories. Just don't talk about your feelings. That's what ruins everything. Oh, tell me what you're feeling. I want to know what you're feeling. No. If a woman wants to know what a man's feeling, she wants him to know what she's feeling. And so she's the one who shut down. She wants to connect. So you connect by opening up and letting a man in, you have connection. Women go, but, no, I want to go in him. No, he only has. Is that the right direction to go in?

So you do not believe, like this whole. There's a movement of polyamory.

Polyamory is just couples who are bored and can't have sex, okay? Because they go through the old thing of they lost polarity. Our society, men and women, have lost polarity. Sex is going to go dead in every relationship. So basically, if you have monogamy, then you have freedom from sexual addiction. But you also have to have polarity to experience lasting passion with your partner and no sexual interest in anybody else. We're designed to be monogamous because when you love somebody, certainly we're designed to love, right? So you want to design, to love. We all designed. I want to be number one. You don't want to be number two. You want to be number one. Everybody wants to be number one. And for a woman, I want to be the main person that's healthy. That's good. When you're number one, you get more estrogen. If you're number three, you don't have as much estrogen. You have to wait. You're not important. So this is what every woman wants. That's what romance is, is you're special. My attention's on you. I take you places. I do what you want to do. Another romantic hack is you. You know, guy says, what do you want to do? And you say, what do you want to do? No, you tell him three things you want to do and say you pick. So you don't have to feel the burden of is he going to like the date or not? He already picked it, he owns it. But it's something you want to do that makes it estrogen stimulating. So anyway, so the idea is, yes, men can make a thousand babies, you know, one at one after another, after another. We have the sperm to do it. But when we find the woman that we love, then a body will make prolactin if she loves us. So it's a mutual love, he's committed, which allows her to love. Women cannot fully love without commitment because you're going to lose it if he's not committed to, he's going to go off to the next younger woman. As simple as that. Everyone knows that. Go China. China right now. The relationships are so sad because if you have money in your man, you're always going to cheat on your wife. That's just a known. That's not like me just saying it. Everybody goes, yeah, how's a woman going to feel? I'll ever be number one. So then women don't feel the number one. Women are making way more money than men in China. They're out there doing their businesses and they're not marrying. You know, the government loves me. The government thinks Mars Venus is fantastic there because they want babies. Their population's going way down. Women are not getting married. Women are just making money going, what do I need a man for?

Interesting. Okay, bringing back some balance.

Yeah. You don't have to give up your job, your male side to bring up your female side. You just have to have a man to use a man to come back to your female side. You won't be using it for money. Money when you're hungry, money will put you. Not having money will put you on your female side. And it's not just if the woman makes money. It also happens when couples make more money than they need. That's when the problems really start happening in relationships. This is research was shown that when you need money and a man can make the money, the man make money to satisfy your basic needs and it's increasing. The relationship is the best time of a relationship. Then you hit a plateau where boredom sets in and then he starts making more money. And when he starts making more money, then the relationship problems increase. And why is that? Well, for a lot of reasons. One is one for the woman's side is when you have enough money, you don't. You don't need more. You stop feeling need. See, need is what estrogen. When need is receptivity. What do I need to feel good? What do I want? Has more to do with creating something in the outer world. You can also want what you need. But need is like this feminine aspect of us and want is our testosterone part of us wanting what you need is both being masculine and feminine. Which is why I teach women everything is about asking men to do what you need and creating situations where he can do things you need. And. And again you know, even when I say that then I go well then I have to get now talk about a half an hour to an hour on how to ask a man to do something stuff. So I don't have that time to do.

But maybe we'll have another session.

Read the book first and then ask questions about it. And also marsvenus.com I have so many beautiful blogs. My daughter does them. The best course at my my website. Besides all the free stuff we have stuff you pay for six week courses. My daughter does one and it's called Understanding Men. I edited the whole thing with her. So it's all my. Our ideas together. But it's fantastic. Every woman needs to understand men understand why men need to pull away, how to get them back, how you sabotage him from pulling away or from him coming back to you. It's. It's a dance. And the more you're on your male side, the less sex is going to be there. Unless you have more of your female side. And how to have both is an evolutionary leap which is possible. And then you can be making love quite a lot and you can have happy and fulfillment and your family stays together and your children grow up knowing how great men are and having role models of why a woman would want to be with a man. And for a little boy, how to be a man. You can't become a man if you don't see one first. You have to have a role model for everything. You don't have that. You'll never find that. And I know the men who never found it. Which are they're all at San Quentin. My neighbor are 15 minutes from here is one of the biggest prisons and I teach there. I used to teach there until they kicked me out. They kicked me out because they all wanted me. They're here to be punished. That's what the warden said. They wouldn't let me come in anymore. You're Too enjoyable. Well, part of it is I brought women in with me. Men did exercises with women and I got men to do exercises, which I would, I would be the therapist for everybody. But I have the men say the things that I would say. And these were all women who'd taken my workshops so they knew how to become vulnerable and they would cry. And these men had never been with a woman who cried and was not blaming him. Say men have to connect with women's vulnerability to open their hearts. If I just had men talking to each other, it would just be up in their head, a bunch of muscles bumping on each other. You need a woman's energy to open a man's heart. Men's heart cannot be healed, cannot be opened, unless they're doing something to help a woman heal her heart. We're interdependent, men and women. Women have needs, men to satisfy them. Men feel great, women feel great. That's the dance. And by serving a woman, making her being successful and providing fulfillment for a woman opens a man's heart. Without that, you've got a bunch of closed hearted men who are all creating wars in the world. They're all criminals. The government are all criminals. We don't have to be in these wars right now. This is all nonsense. We don't have to have taxes. You know, the American government basically says you shouldn't tax. It's only this last last century that we had taxes. They can do tariffs. Our government can completely run on tariffs. What they, the amount of money they get from all of these middle class people who worry about taxes all the time, have half their money taken away. Ridiculous. The government doesn't need that. That's all just control. It's all just control. It's complete corrupt government and yet everybody accepts it. They normalize the evil. And now, even with the shutdowns, when it came to all the medical shutdowns, I mean, we had established after, after World War II, you cannot force someone to take a medicine. Period. Period. And here we are, you know, forcing people to have shots. We didn't really force you. They say you're just going to lose your job. And you as a doctor, if you told somebody to do ivermectin or you told them to hydrochloroquine, you lose your license.

Yeah, even for doctors who just speak, you know, scientific evidence or having an honest intellectual discussion, some have had their degrees taken away. That's tyranny.

See people, when I talk about this, why you want to bring everybody down with this? I said no, this is enlightenment. Tyranny has always existed on this planet. It's always been there. We're just waking up to it. See, the war, there's never a reason. Nobody wants to fight wars except a bunch of psychopaths, a bunch of wounded psychopaths somewhere.

Yeah, there's no reason to go, you know, en masse to kill each other.

That's exactly right. Right now. There's no reason for what's going on now. And so. And there's no reason for the lockdown. You know, they made up this whole thing that you're. If you don't have a mask, you're not. You're spreading or you get the vaccination and now you're not spreading. And now we know that if you got the vaccine, you did spread it, and the mass doesn't stop it. Everybody was wearing masks. Everybody still was having sickness and every. But it's all nonsense. And, and so what happens is they cause people to stop having rational thought. It causes them to become back to childlike people. They want to keep everybody like children, dependent on the government, not dependent on themselves and not dependent on each other because, you know, men live to serve their wives. And if you don't have wives, if you're not in love with women, you'll serve the government. That's it. You'll just become a good soldier, Obedient, mindless. This is what you know. There's these control freaks, they're cuckoo. And they meet every year, the World Economic Forum. They all sit up there and say how we're going to train everybody in the world. The latest thing they say is, you know, they say, well, what are you going to do with robots? Take over and do everything. How people are going to be happy. This was their head. Head guy says anti depressants and video games. Oh, gosh.

Okay, well, let's end with something really happy and positive.

Any.

Any wisdom that you haven't shared yet. Some piece that. That makes us feel good.

I'm gonna come back to this beautiful, beautiful exercise. Just imagine you have a man who loves you so much, and every day you're able to wake up and say, do you love me? And he says, I love you. How much you love me? With all my heart. Do you think I'm beautiful? You're so beautiful. Are you happy to be with me? You're the joy of my life. I'm so happy. Are you glad you found me? I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Will you always be with me? Yes, I'll Always be with you. That's a message that we can give to each other every day. And we have to open our hearts and learn to get to the place of trusting each other so those things can happen. And all my classes, I just finished a weekend where everybody, you know, gets such fast results for having better relationships. Once we understand we're facing new challenges in this world, and the new challenges can, when we solve them, we go to a higher level. And right now, all these globalists and all these crazy kill all the cows because they're producing carbon dioxide. That's all nonsense. Yes. We're going through a rough period where they're killing cows, killing chickens. We've got a new. A new vaccine coming along with a new lockdown. They all got it planned. But, you know, the good news is with the vaccines, they said everybody took them. No, Everybody didn't. Only 30% of Americans took the vaccine. Only 30%. Now, there were a few more who took it, but didn't take it again for the boosters. So with the boosters, only 30%. So we are the majority. So that means people are waking up and they're not going to do it again. And so this is. That's all it is. It's discovering our power. Governments can't control. With too many people. They can't get away with it. They tried and they're going to continue trying, but we have the wisdom to overcome it. We can love each other. We can create a better world. And it starts with a better family. It all starts with a family. Mom and dad loving each other. And that's my commitment, is helping men and women find the good in each other and learn how to make it more so that we're able to raise children who aren't psychopaths. Psychopaths. And they end up bringing more love and light into the world.

That's beautiful. Thank you so much, Dr. Gray. It's an absolute pleasure. What a fantastic conversation. All the pearls and all the wisdom, and it just. Very refreshing. I'm still, I'm sure, lots of food for thought and with exercises. So I absolutely love it and thank you. And I do hope I can invite you back and have more conversations because you're just a wealth of knowledge.

And we'll do it after we read this book and then have better questions for me. All right, Talk to you later. Okay.

Thank you so much. Okay. Yeah. If you. Anybody listening? You've made it to this point. If you think somebody can really benefit from this, you know, to improve their relationship to elevate their happiness. Please share this.

And again I want to thank with something really encouraging. I just thought of it. Remember when I was talking about belly fat is the number one inhibitor of testosterone in men. Belly fat suppresses emotion in women. Okay. It lessens your attraction for men. What's going to happen now? There's the doctor. Dr. Arciero has written a book on protein pacing. You could do that. Search Dr. Ociero Protein Pacing. Even if you misspell his name, it will come up. What he's discovered is by eating more, you will lose weight and gain muscle mass. The number one reason women have, well, 80% of dementia over 80 is women. Okay. And one out of two people over 80 will have dementia and 80% of them are women. Where is that coming from? The research is showing the lack of muscle mass, which stimulates your metabolism. So that's a B. When you look at low hormone imbalances, majorly happen in most cases is belly fat. What he found that if you, if you dramatically increase your protein to 35 to 40 grams of protein four times a day, paste apart, four to five hours apart, so you never get hungry, you will lose in a month 20 pounds of belly fat and gain muscle mass. That's never been done before. And what happens is, I thought I was doing so great. I lost all my belly fat in a month. And if, you know, if you have like 80 pounds, you have to do this for four, four months or something like that. You stabilize. You stabilize because all that extra protein raises your metabolism. Anytime you diet, your metabolism goes down.

Yeah.

So, you know, I remember when Oprah went on this big starvation diet. She became like shrunk and then she ballooned right back up and can't lose weight. I mean, her metabolism is gone. But this all she has to do with a month of this protein program, she'll lose weight and she'll maintain her muscle mass. It's outrageous. This is a possibility for people now. It's not. It's five days on and then two days of low calorie protein liquids. So you're having never get hungry. Every two hours you have protein.

Is this also a low carb diet?

Well, you don't have to have low carbs, but you won't eat junk food because you're, you're not hungry. I mean, you want to eat a good diet. You want two meals a day, and then you want these really high protein shakes. And they're special shakes where they have five different kinds of enzymes that break down protein. If you make them in Hot water. So you 100 degrees water, you put them in the protein in the water. You let it sit for 45 minutes with enzymes. It breaks down the protein into pure amino acids. If you eat a regular protein, you're only getting like 20% of the amino acids and the rest is toxic die off that you have to get rid of through your kidneys. This way you can get 91 to 95% amino acid out of your protein. And. And you're doing 35 grams.

Interesting.

Okay, amazing sign. That was a French, a Swiss scientist that figured that out. Nobel Prize winner, figured out the protein thing and enzymes. If people want to know more about this, the products that doctor go to my website and you can go to contact us and ask me to give you the information. And I have people to guide people through the, the seven days because you have to know what to do on your fasting days where it's all liquid and where you don't get hungry.

So people can go on your website.

Just john gray.com it's marsvenous.com. wonderful place. Lots of information. Nothing on this diet thing. It's just a contact. Write me a note, say I heard you talking about. How do I know more about it? And I'll have somebody call you up and explain the whole program to you to do it. Get rid of that belly fat today. You'll naturally start having the potential to produce healthy hormone balance and you'll feel great.

That's wonderful. Okay, thank you so much, Dr. Gray. I'm going to end here and, and thank you everybody for listening.