How To Attract The Right People Into Your Life 🤔 Men & Women

You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Everything is right about you and somebody is going to love you, warts and all. You do not have to be perfect to attract your soulmate.

We are born with a particular way about us, a particular body type and the way we look. And it's all okay. It's all beautiful.

I had so many women saying, I want to meet a Ben. How did you meet someone that great? How did you meet someone you never fight with? How do you meet someone who's so supportive? And I reverse engineered it and I figured out did seven steps to meet my soulmate.

Hello. Hi, Rebecca. Hi, everybody. So this is Dr. Joy Kong. Welcome to the Dr. Joy Kong Podcast. So this podcast is all about health, healing, inspirations and happiness. So that encompasses a lot of things in life. And today I'm so super excited to have an exceptional guest, Rebecca Whitman. So before we start, I want to ask you if you enjoy the podcast and if you see value in what we cover, please subscribe and comment. I welcome your comments and I'll be happy to have conversations. I want to introduce you to Rebecca. She's successful mentor and she is a best selling book author, including Phenomenal Feminine Entrepreneurs, Business Life Universe and How to Make Six Figure Income Working Part Time. And she was selected as life coach of the year by International Association Top Professionals. And she also hosts a top 5% globally ranked podcast named Balanced, Beautiful and Abundant. And her philosophy divides life into seven pillars of abundance, which we're going to cover today. So I'll let her talk about. And we're actually going to talk about seven pillars of attraction. We want to focus a little bit more on romantic life because that is a big portion of the human experience and of happiness and abundance. So, Rebecca, maybe you can share a little bit about your journey and how you even discovered the seven pillars.

Sure. It's so great to be here, Dr. Joy. So I found the seven pillars because basically I had everything going for me. Like a lot of women. I had a great career, I had a lot of great friends. I was experiencing radiant health. But the one area that eluded me was having a good love life. So I was, I met my husband when I was 40 and I was like, I've got to get married now if I want to have a kid. And so I made probably not the best marriage choice and I was determined to make it work. And after three years of being married, I was sitting in a therapist office in West Los Angeles, you know, with the, with the feng shui fountain and the incense burning. And she probably wasn't even a psychiatrist like you. In fact, I know she wasn't licensed. And she looked me dead in the eye and she said, rebecca, what do you want? And I don't even know whose voice it was. I like to call it spirit or God. Said through me, I want a life of ease, grace, and spiritual dignity. And I knew that if I was going to have that life of ease, grace, and spiritual dignity, I had to get out of that marriage. So soon after that, I filed for divorce. I honestly didn't think I was ever going to find love. And I was okay with it. Like, I was married to a narcissist. And the relationship was so defeating to me. I was like, I just want to be around positive people, whether they're pets, friends, co workers. Like, I just want to be around high vibe, good energy. And I gave it up. And I even did a 90 day dating detox. And during that 90 day dating detox, I met my current husband, Ben Press. And we've had the happiest, most easygoing, flowing relationship of my entire life. So what I did, I had so many women saying, I want to meet a Ben. How did you meet someone that great? How did you meet someone you never fight with? How do you meet someone who's so supportive? And I reverse engineered it, and I figured out I did seven steps to meet my soulmate. So I created the seven pillars of attraction. And I'm so excited to talk about this today with your audience.

Are these seven pillars, do they apply for both men and women?

They do, yeah. Gay, straight, or lesbian? They totally apply to everybody. Because I believe in masculine, feminine energy. And you get to choose if you want to be the masculine energy, which is someone who competes, controls, and conquers, or the feminine energy, which is somewhere, someone who is more passive, vulnerable, and receptive.

Wow. Okay, let's get to it. So what are the seven pillars? Like, where do you start?

Yeah, so let's start with the first one. So the first pillar is to process and release your past. Because there's a saying, if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you always got. So if you keep repeating the same patterns, it's so funny how the same person keeps moving cities and showing up at the same parties you're at, Right? You keep picking the same person over and over and over again. Unless you do the deep work of processing and releasing your past so you don't go for the same type of person.

Well, how do you release it?

That's a great question. You do a lot of forgiveness work around it. Because if you. If you're carrying a grudge or a resentment about an ex, then that person's energy is still alive in you. They're getting a free hotel room in your head. And the only way to let them go is to deeply forgive them and to really let them go. And even beyond forgiveness, when you get to apathy and empathy, when you really want them to have a great life, then you're truly over them.

So let go of the past. And this is a past of just romantic relationships or were many aspects of a person's life.

Well, if you're holding on to resentment, we're talking about manifesting your soulmate. But if there's any kind of resentment, it's best to forgive, process, and release, because you're going to take that energy with you into the next relationship. Maybe you have a resentment against, you know, uber wealthy people, right? Deep down, you're like, ugh, they don't work hard enough. They had a trust fund. They had everything handed to them. Well, then if you meet your soulmate and he happens to be wealthy, then you're going to push that person away. So it's best to forgive and process and release everything in your past.

Great. So let's say a person had really gone through some deep soul searching and went through the process and letting go of the past, Just let it go. And where do we go from there?

So the next step, Dr. Joy, is radical self acceptance. So myself, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I used to think that I had to look perfect to attract the right guy. And I had to be like, you know, this perfect size, everything, perfect hair, nails, everything had to be just so or I couldn't attract my soulmate. So I teach my clients to have radical self acceptance. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Everything is right about you, and somebody is going to love you, warts and all. You do not have to be perfect to attract your soulmate.

Yeah. This is so interesting. You know, I wanted to talk about this a little bit. It just crossed my mind because I suffer from perfectionist lism. Severely so. And I. It's interesting and I'm very critical of myself. And recently, when I was going to this, you know, hot spring spa on a regular basis, right. I see all these women in all kinds of bodies and shapes and, you know, just everyone is different and they're all beautiful in their own way. And I. And I just. It just dawned on me, you Know, we are born with a particular way about us, a particular body type and the way we look. And it's all okay. It's all beautiful, you know, because we're just so drastically different. And now social media wants everybody to look same, and people are doing surgery, so they all look like, you know, clones. And that's. What a shame. So, anyhow, I don't mean to, you know, I want you to talk about. But it just crossed my mind about. And so I kind of let go of, you know, just accepting, okay, this is the way I am. And it's just one of the many, many types. And it's. It's. It's good.

I think it's the next frontier of feminism because men are, you know, telling us we have to look a certain way, and what they're really doing is they're selling us products. So you have to look this way, smell this way, wear these clothes, drive this car just to be enough. Just to be okay. Not even to be great, just to feel like you're good enough. So if women really take our power back and say, no, I don't have to look a certain way to get male approval. I am perfect just because I exist, and I am perfectly made in God's image, and I'm just great exactly where I am. That's really empowering to women. And we're not going to pay as much for plastic surgery and all the other things that women pay for to get male approval.

Right, Right. Yeah. Wonderful. And I really hope people. People really, really take that to heart. I think it's very easy to say, just like forgiveness is easy to say, but actually, really embody it and process it. It's going to. It's really going to liberate us in great ways. Yeah. So, okay, what's the next pillar?

Okay, the third pillar is to decide if you want to be the masculine or the feminine energy in the relationship. And I know I touched on that. But having a healthy relationship to me is about interdependence, codependent. So a codependent relationship is like a teacher, student, parent, child, slave, master, if you want to get into S and M and that type of stuff. So having a dance. If you look at two people doing a beautiful dance, like a tango or a salsa, they are both dancing together, and they kind of know what energy they're portraying. And that's what makes the dance so beautiful and sexual and sensual, is watching, like, a salsa or watching a beautiful dance. So it's really important to know going in, do you Want to be the one pursuing, calling, texting, paying for dates? Or do you want to be the more receptive one that is graciously receiving and kind of like the leader and the follower? Do you want to be the leader or the follower in the relationship?

Okay. And you're going to get a lot of pushback with this one.

I know.

Yeah. So with all these sense of, you know, female empowerment or empowerment for everybody. I mean, how do people reconcile, you know, taking on the following, you know, the follower role or the more passive one? Like, how. How does that compute in this day and age of, you know, empowerment for everybody?

So everyone's masculine at work. Everyone is a leader. Everyone gets to kick butt and take names and slay the day and all that stuff. Everybody is a man at work. But if you want to be the feminine energy, my dating mentor, her name is Pat Allen, she used to say, leave your plastic balls at the office. So if you want to be the feminine energy, do not take that energy into the relationship. Because if both people in the relationship are competing to be the leader and to control the relationship, then that's not sexy. That's like too. That's like a sword fight. Like, it's. Or you could call it like a pissing contest. You're competing to see who's the better guy. So. Or if two people are so passive that nobody's calling, nobody's texting, nobody's asking each other out, then you're competing to be the better girl. And I call that battle for the skirt. So there's got to be a designated leader, which you're Chinese, is the yang energy, and a designated yin, which is the feminine energy. That's what makes a relationship work. And I'm not saying in certain areas you can trade off. Like in my marriage, Ben is the CEO of the dishes, and I'm the CEO of making the bed. There are certain areas where we trade off, but in general, even though I'm a very independent, successful woman, I am checking in with him and taking his lead.

That kind of brings some similarities to John Gray's Men from Mars, Women from Venus. There are a lot of people who are proponents of allowing the feminine and masculine to come together by selecting a role. And of course, a lot of people say females need to be in the feminine role. So what are your thoughts on the females select? Unless you think sometimes it works out well. When the female is selecting to be in a masculine role and the man is in the feminine role, I don't.

Think the female has to be the Feminine energy. I just am saying just know what dance you're doing so you can attract the other person. And there are a lot of very good looking guys out there that want to be in the feminine role. And they're looking for a powerhouse woman to call the shots and ask them out on dates and pursue them and pay for vacations and fancy dinners. And if a woman wants like a super hot guy and she's willing to do that, then more power to her. I'm just saying you need polarity in the relationship. If everybody's the same, it's boring. It's like, what do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do? It's just too much the same. There's got to be some push, pull and magnetism. And that's from having someone in the feminine, someone having in the masculine. That's what makes it an exciting dance. You don't want it to be like flatlining.

Okay, so you're not saying that for a woman to attract a good. A man, a good man, that she has to take on the feminine role. She just has to know what she wants. Does she want to be. To lead or to relax and be a little bit more passive? So she has to be comfortable with what she's picking?

Yeah, just to know, be aware of what you're picking.

All right, let's move on to the next pillar.

Okay, I can see you're processing this. Like, all right, so the next pillar is where to fish. So I like to use the analogy of dating is like fishing. If you are going to the same bar over and over and over again and you're not meeting any guys at the bar, then you are fishing in the wrong pond. Or maybe you're going to the same dating website over and over and over again and you're swiping, swiping, swiping, and you don't like anybody. Well, you're in the wrong pond. So I am saying decide, be very active about. This is where I want to fish. This is where I want to attract my soulmate. So you could have a dating site, you could have a matchmaker. I like to teach women to. Or men, if they're the feminine, to present. See, this is where you go somewhere nice like a Starbucks in a trendy neighborhood or even a trendy Whole Foods grocery store. And you know there's going to be a lot of people there and you dress up and you look cute and you put your makeup on. If you wear makeup and you just camp out and you Smile at everybody. And smiling at everybody is the international meeting call. If you smile at someone and you hold, if you're laughing, eye contact for five seconds, which is really hard to do, to hold eye contact for five seconds with a total stranger that is come hither, that's going to pull people into you. And if it's too nerve wracking to smile at someone you're attracted to, just smile at everybody. Smile at parents, kids, just smile at the room. Just give love, give good energy and you'll be amazed at what is attracted to you.

Okay, well, in this day and age, I mean, isn't it a little risky to be smiling at everybody? You don't know what kind of person is walking through the door.

I mean, you don't have to smile at someone who looks like an axe murderer, right? I mean, you can have some discretion about it. But if you're just in general smiling and giving loving energy just to the room, to the coffee shop, or to the Whole Foods, you don't have to like smile at someone who looks totally scary. You can turn it off and like look at your phone. But if you go to these places and you just look up like, my mom was visiting me. I live in L. A like you. She's from Ohio. She was like 75 when she visited me. And she gets tired because she has a really bad back. So she was like, everywhere we went, she had to just sit down, whether it was the grocery store or the mall. And she was meeting all these people, including guys, and I was like, wow. See, women are so on the go. They're moving so quickly that nobody can catch them because we're racing from thing to thing. So if you want to be caught, if you want to be feminine and be pursued by a masculine man, then it's good to present. I just say a half hour a week. Park it at a Starbucks and just drink your latte and smile it at everyone. Just for a half hour a week and see what happens.

That's interesting. What an interesting project that would be, huh? Yeah, I guess.

Try it out if you're listening. That's your, your homework assignment. Try it out. Go present for 30 minutes this week and see who you meet and report back to me. And Dr. Joy.

What about what people think these days? Because so many people are relying on online dating. I guess it just has become, you know, this major force, you know, a major place where people meet to the point where people don't even care to meet each other on the street in Starbucks or in bars that they can just open an app and then find, you know, lots of people. So, I mean, that must have changed a dating game quite a bit.

Yeah, I mean, you can still do online dating, but to go back to the fishing analogy, the more ponds you have your fishing rod in, the faster you are to meet the person. So, yeah, do the dating apps, but also take advantage of meeting people in person too. Like, I don't know about you, but I have felt really misled by the dating apps. Like I, I meet someone and they're 20 pounds heavier, 20 years older. You know, they lie about their job. So I personally, I like seeing what I'm fishing and what I'm reeling into the boat. So, you know, you could call it the old fashioned way or whatever, but you can do both. I mean, before I met Ben, I was on five dating apps and had a matchmaker and I just was not meeting anyone. And that's why I said I just need to go on a 90 day dating detox and just not even think about guys or worry about my love life. And that's when Ben walked into my life. So sometimes when you are just putting so much energy out there, you're actually pushing away what you really want. It's kind of like chasing a butterfly versus just being still and letting the butterfly land on your shoulder.

All right, watch where you fish. Okay, let's, let's move on to the next one. What's the next pillar?

Okay, so the next pillar is first date etiquette. So once, once you have been doing a good job as a fisherman or fisherwoman, you have a date. Then you have to have good first date etiquette because a lot of people do not know how to behave on the first date and they end up running off someone who could be a great match. So my first date etiquette rules are very simple. Meet in a public place again for safety. Like you said, tell a friend who and where you're meeting. Be on time, dress attractively, but not so sexually so people don't think, you know, you're looking to get laid on the first date. This is a big one. Leave your phone in your purse. Do not touch your phone to show them pictures of your kid or your dog or your last vacation. Because if you're on a bunch of dating apps, sure enough, as you're showing this person, you're going to get like a flirty text from a guy. You're going to get a bumble match or something like that is going to come through and it's going to Totally. Like, take the energy out of the date. So do not touch your phone for any reason. And this is very controversial, too. If you choose the feminine energy, do not touch your wallet. At the end of the day, don't offer and don't touch your wallet. Just let the masculine energy pay. Now, if a guy is feminine energy, he's going to get mad like, this has actually happened to me on dates. He, you know, a guy was like, I can't believe you just didn't offer to pay. And I was like, yeah, so you asked. I think the person who asked the other person out should pay. So if you're the feminine energy and you met someone and they asked you out on a date, then they should pay.

Yeah. That one is going to be a little controversial because I know I've heard some men talking about this and getting quite emotional about this, that. That women experience are expecting men to pay, and that really offended some. So. So that. That's going to, you know, tickle some people.

Yeah. Well, to me, those are not the masculine guys, because someone who's in their masculine energy, they love to give, protect, and cherish. It makes them feel really good to do that. So somebody is upset about that. Then that is someone who is not in their masculine energy. And that's okay. It's okay to be. To say, I'm not for everyone.

Yeah, good point. Okay, so where are we finished? The fifth?

Yep. So I would also say for first aid etiquette, to keep it light and polite, don't do trauma bonding. Don't like, you know, share your most deepest, darkest childhood wounds with someone on the first date. Because even though it might create a very intense conversation, they will judge you for it, and then they might disappear, and then you'll feel completely just raw and judged for what you revealed. So I do not believe for the first few dates, just keep it light and polite. You know, hello, goodbye, good night, go home. Don't get into anything so heavy in the first three days. Just, like, think of it almost like a job interview where you wouldn't go into a job interview and talk about your deepest childhood trauma.

Hmm. Okay. Can you explain for listeners who don't know what exactly is trauma bonding?

Trauma bonding is where someone says, oh, my God, I had such a terrible childhood and this and that happened to me, and it was just really painful. And then the other person says, oh, my God, me. You know, I had a similar painful situation in college, and this is what happened to me. And it was so painful. And you bond over the trauma that you share. So trauma bonding happens a lot in rehab. A lot of people who fall in love in rehab, it's very common. I have a background in the 12 steps. I know you two have worked with the addiction addicted population. They fall in love in rehab and it's called trauma bonding because they're going through all these groups together and all this, the whole thing, and they learn about each other's trauma and they fall in love with each other based on their trauma. I do not think that's healthy. I think it's great if you're in a monogamous, committed relationship to reveal, you know, some of the trauma that you've been through, but not on the first few dates when you're not even in a relationship. I think it's just a little bit too much.

So what should people talk about on first date?

They should make small talk. And the way I teach small talk is called form. So the F is where are you from? The O is what occupation? What do you do for work? The R is recreation. What do you do for fun? And the M is motivation or money. You know, what motivates you? What are your goals? That type of stuff.

Very, very good, very practical tips. Okay, so we have two more pillars.

Yeah. The six pillar is dating life. So if you chose the feminine, let the masculine energy, the person who chose the masculine, initiate calls and texts and you match and model their text. So they say hi. You say hi. They say, how are you? You say, how are you? You don't like give a 10 paragraph text because that's just overwhelming to someone. So you match their energy. It's kind of like the game Simon says or the game mirror. You just match whatever they do. And. And then the next thing is when they arrange dates. If someone chose the feminine energy, do not rearrange the date. So if the masculine person calls and says, yes, I made a reservation tomorrow night at seven for sushi, don't say, oh, I'm just having sushi with my girlfriend tomorrow for lunch. I don't want to have it twice in one day. Is there any way we can go somewhere else? That is very deflating for them. So you want to let them plan the dates and just be a gracious receiver. So you say yes, please and thank you and you are a gracious receiver on the dates. And you let them plan the dates. If you start to rearrange things, then it's just very demotivating. And that's when they stop planning dates because they're like, well, every time I plan A date, she just rearranges it anyway, so I might as well let her plan the date. And then you became the better man and now you're the masculine and he's the feminine. So that is important to be gracious. Be a gracious receiver. The other thing about dating life is don't be prematurely monogamous. Unless you have negotiated exclusivity. Keep dating people. So the universe loves speed. And I don't believe we have a finding problem. There's 6 billion people in the world. I believe we have a sorting problem. How fast can you sort to find your right match? So I believe in a lot of socializing and a lot of dating. I suggest that everybody has three people that you're dating. One is obsession, two is a love triangle and three is diversification. So everybody should have three people that they're dating and they should have a number one, two or three rank them.

So you have to explain that one. So. So the obsession, that's kind of, that's easier to understand that, that this is a person. You Absolutely. You think it's likely the right person.

Yes.

You love many things about them. You can't stop thinking about them.

Yeah, we've all been romantically obsessed. It's so two is either or. So it's like, oh no, do I go with person A or person B? Person A does this, person B does this. I'm torn. It's a love triangle. Like I don't know which guy to choose. If you have three guys then, or are women, Like I said, this is for both men and women. These seven pillars. Then you are diversifying your romantic life and you're just getting to know three people at the same time. I'm not saying that you're having sexual relationships with all three people. I'm saying that you're socializing with three people and getting to know them. So you prioritize the first person. So. And then you have the other two people that you're dating. So if your number one wants to see you and you have a date already scheduled with your number two or three, it's okay to reschedule the dates with them and say, oh, something came up because you want to be receptive, available and respecting which is feminine to your number one or I also like to call that person the contender.

I see. So keep your options open and. Yeah, and juggle three.

Unless you have like a. Commit a commitment. So I don't believe this is really old fashioned too. I, I don't believe in being sexually intimate with someone unless you have both agreed to be exclusive. So if you have an exclusive relationship with someone, that's another part of dating life. Part of that pillar is when you have decided to be exclusive, you tell the other two people that you're dating. Or you could be dating 10 people. I don't know. I don't have any limits. I'm just saying date at least three. A lot of people don't have time to juggle more than three. But you tell everyone else, hey, I met someone that I really like, and we're, you know, committed, and we're wanting to see where it goes. So I'm not going to be dating you anymore. And you let them know that you're no longer available because you've committed to one person.

Okay, so that's the dating life. And what's the last pillar?

The last pillar is called close the deal, and that is negotiating exclusivity before sexual relationship. And it can be more than exclusivity. You can negotiate continuity. So some people want to see each other once or twice a week. Some people travel a lot. They can only see each other once a month. So I have been in relationships where I'm, like, really excited to see the person and I don't even know when I'm going to see him again. And that creates a lot of anxiety. So it's good to negotiate. Okay, so scheduling wise, we can see each other once a week or twice a week or whatever you both agree on. The other thing to negotiate is medical testing, Covid, STD testing, and all that stuff. I know it's really hard to bring up, but this is a reality of the time that we're living in. You want to negotiate these three things. Monogamy, continuity, medical testing, before you are intimate with that person.

Yeah, I can imagine the last one is going to be hard. Some people feel like that's a big.

Imposition to get a test. Well, I used to say that my body is my temple and I take my health very seriously. And before I am going to share my body with you, I just want to make sure that we are both totally healthy. So in order for me to feel comfortable sharing my body and being intimate with you, would you get an STD and a COVID test? And I think if you ask in that way, it's very reasonable. And if they say no, then that's not your person.

Interesting. Yes. So these seven pillars you just discovered through trial and error or through observing other people. How. How did you. I mean, these are pretty detailed strategies.

Yeah, I've Had a lot of dating coaches. I have, like, read so many dating books, seminars, workshops. I am a student of a couple of really famous dating coaches. One is Dr. Pat Allen that I already mentioned. Another one is Allison Armstrong. She wrote a book and has a seminar called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women and just through my own personal experience. Oh. Another one that I've studied is Catherine Woodward Thomas. She wrote a book and has a workshop called Calling in the One. So those are my three main dating coaches or mentors. And through studying with them and applying them to my own love life through trial and error, I kind of came up with these seven pillars.

Okay. And how do people respond when you coach them through these seven, you know, strategies? How do they do?

They do great. They. A lot of them are in happy, loving, monogamous relationships, and a lot of them, they work too well, and they end up, like, negotiating. Negotiating a relationship with someone that they're like, oh, wait, I actually don't like this person. And that's okay, because then they can say, you know what? This is just not, you know, I've enjoyed our time together, but this is just not working out. But I think it's better to negotiate exclusivity and really give the person a shot than to just, you know, share your body and your time with someone and have no idea, like, what the other person is doing when they're not away. When they're away from you.

Well, it sounds like this should be, you know, talked about in high schools. Says people. That's when people start right in their dating life.

Yeah.

Who knows how many young girls. And definitely, you know, don't do anything about the last pillar, which is, you know, what do you do before you share your body? And they're very impulsive and easily pressured. So this will be helpful.

I know. I wish I would have learned this in high school because I. I used to think in high school and college and even out of college that if I have sexual relationships with someone, then that's my boyfriend, and we're automatically going to be in a loving, monogamous relationship. And many of the times. Most of the times I did that, and it was not the case. And I was just devastated and heartbroken. I can't tell you how many times I've been heartbroken by not doing the seventh pillar of negotiating exclusivity before having sex. So, yeah, I wish I would have learned this in high school, too.

Yeah. And I can imagine these days because so many people do not place these restrictions before engaging in a sexual relationship. So you Know, in the case of men and women usually is as men are expecting a sexual relationship. So when a woman puts up some kind of barrier, some kind of principle, then they are taken aback and they think this woman is. Has been really fussy, really, you know, what's the word? You know, having, you know, these conditions or being stuck up or, you know, being a bitch.

They will call us bitchy, but you know, what bit stands for babe? In total control of herself. So it's okay to be called that.

Yeah, yeah. So this definitely. I think the culture is expecting certain things, and this kind of flies against what the prevailing culture is. So definitely, you don't see on TV anybody asking each other, no, would you get a medical test before we. So but when people do stick to these principles, they, you know, first of all, they are finding more options. Right? That's. That's what I. I can imagine. They're finding more options, and then they're also more cautious. So they don't jump into a sexual relationship. Because supposedly when two people have sex, there is some kind of bonding, some kind of intertwining of physiology and on an energetic level. So having sexual relationship can distort your perception of the other person. So you want to get to know the person a little more before you intertwine that energy.

Yeah, there's oxytocin bonding. So, as you know, being a medical doctor, oxytocin is a hormone that bonds babies and moms. And when someone is having an orgasm with the other person, whoever has the estrogen, the person with the estrogen is going to bond. So women, after menopause, we switch to testosterone and the men get the estrogen. So the men can be oxytocin bonded. And a lot of men die of a broken heart that are over 55 years old. But women under the age of 55, they oxytocin bond. And that's why you see women like, wow, she's so great. Why is she with that jerk? Well, she oxytocid and bonded to him.

This is a huge subject, you know, you know, the. The masculine, feminine, the, you know, whether or not to get into a sexual relationship. I think these are all very, you know, dividing topics. I don't know. In your dating coach kind of, you know, arena, if you've run into very divergent views on this, is that a dividing subject?

It is because women want to have the control of their relationship, and I believe that women should have control. I'm a feminist, but feminism is equal pay for equal work, and it's A financial movement, to me, it's doesn't affect the biology of men and women. So I, you know, I tried it the other way and so have a lot of my clients and my friends. I've tried being the masculine energy and it just didn't work for me. So I had to really be aware of if I was being more aggressive or more passive. I mean, I've been so masculine that I've stalked people. You know, like, I have definitely been the masculine energy and it was just a disaster every time. So I was just forced to look at it through a different perception.

I see. So in your coaching life, helping women or men, what are some of the success stories that you've seen?

Yeah, so I had a woman named Stephanie, and she was only attracted to unavailable men. And if a guy was available, she wanted nothing to do with him. So through coaching with me and doing the work that I just described, she is now attracting for the first time in her life, men that actually want to be her boyfriend. She didn't even think any guys wanted to be anybody's boyfriend. She thought everything was about casual sex. And now that she has learned my method, she is experiencing a lot of guys who want to be her boyfriend. Another woman that I've worked with, her name is Christy, she just could not get over her ex boyfriend. She was just completely hung up and obsessed about him and could not, just could not get over him. And I took her through these steps and now she's dating like eight guys and she is having the time of her life and just, you know, feeling like the belle of the ball and all these guys want to be her boyfriend. So that's just two examples of women that I've coached.

Wow. Well, that sounds like a lot of fun.

Having eight guys who want to date you is way more fun than pining over one. The one that got away.

Right, Right. So how do women find you or men, you know, to work with you?

Yeah, I'm actually doing a really fun workshop this month. It's free. It's on April 24th. It's called it's Raining Men how to Seduce, Flirt and Attract.

That's pretty funny.

Yeah, for April because, you know, April showers bring me flowers. So April 24th at 12:00pm Pacific time. And you can direct message me on Instagram to get on the waiting list. My Instagram is @rebeccaewitman. You can also find me on Twitter at the same handle at Rebecca E. Whitman and clubhouse at Rebecca E. Whitman. I also have a website where you can find me at Rebecca. And that's RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com.

Okay, and Rebecca spelled with cc, right?

Yes. That's R, E, B, E, C, C, A, Elizabeth, E, L, I, Z, A, B, e, T, H, Whitman, W-I-T m a n dot com. If you find me on Instagram, you can, you'll have, you'll get the link in my bio and you can listen to my podcast, the Balance beautiful and abundant show, which Joy was an illustrious guest we had. You can find her interview and many other amazing interviews on my podcast. I'm up to 88 episodes.

Wonderful. Yeah, great job. All right, Rebecca, this has been really fun interview. You know, this is a subject that I've, you know, I didn't even think I would cover. You know, as you know, I was focusing more on health, but then I realized, you know, I need to embrace all parts of life. And of course, as a psychiatrist, you know, I've dealt with a lot of relationship issues. And actually, one thing in psychiatry I loved was couples therapy. I found the dynamics between two people really, really endlessly fascinating and how there can be little tweaks that can make all the difference. So, yeah, I really enjoy your insights and I think people will find this very helpful because these are, you know, some very interesting approaches. So I hope the listener try, try it out and then reach out to you to get more, you know, in depth coaching.

Absolutely. I would love that. I offer complimentary coaching session. So let's talk and see, you know, what type of person you want to attract and see how we can apply these seven pillars to make it happen.

That's wonderful. Thank you so much, Rebecca. So nice to have you.

Thank you, Dr. Joy.