Unveiling the Secrets of Sexual Wellness: A Candid Conversation with Susan Bratton - Intimacy Expert

I see these things all the time on the Internet about how, you know, it's so easy for men to have orgasms from intercourse and women don't have them. And, you know, we should do something about this. Like, well, why don't we tell women how to have orgasms from intercourse? Like, why don't we just start there?

I think you're contributing to this, you know, shift and revolution where women are coming more to the forefront of society.

Hello, everybody.

I'm so excited today. This is going to be a treat with Susan Bratton. An amazing, incredible person. I think of her as being so talented, so spirited and so articulate in her craft that I consider her a creature. She's like this incredible creature that will take you to places and the places that she take you is related to the sexual realm. So this is a subject I have not talked about on my show, but I was asked by somebody else saying, why don't you just talk about this? This is, you know, important subject. Are people shy to talk about it? No. Well, this is an important subject, so let's invite one of the best to enlighten you and, and take you to some fun places. So, Susan, I am so happy you're here.

Joy, it's so great to see you again. We met at how do youo Health and it was thoroughly delightful to meet you. And I have been using your peptide cream ever since we met and I absolutely love it. I am a slave to my skin. I actually have something interesting to share with you.

Okay.

Breakthrough. That I had recently about my skin. I feel like skin, hair, teeth, these are such important parts of our sexual vitality. They make us sexually attractive and, you know, they're important to us when we're people who are wanting, wanting to have, you know, wanting to be attractive to the opposite sex or to, to, to be attractive to whatever sex we are attracted to. So, yeah, I've got some new things to share with you about that and I'll. I'm looking forward to going wherever you want to go. I want to hear what the, what this person wanted to talk about. That got you thinking about me. I'm glad.

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, this is a subject that we know, you know, sexual connection, sex, it is related to, you know, our. Well, our well being, not only, you know, mentally, but also physically. So maybe we can talk a little bit about that. But before that, I just want to introduce people to you so they understand, you know, who you are. So let me just talk about you a little bit. So. So Susan Bratton is the intimacy expert to millions and she's a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life. And she has created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love and is the world's most well respected sexual biohacker. So Susan is co founder and CEO of two companies, Personal Life Media Inc. A publisher of heart connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies. And the company, the 20 LLC is a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality. She's also an active and caring spokesperson for GainsWave, FemWave and the Dr. Jo Kaplan Co. 3 sexual biohacking regenerative therapies for increasing one's sex span to achieve ageless sexuality. She's also a best selling author who published 44 books and programs including Sexual Soulmates, Relationship Magic, Revive Her Drive, Ravish Him, Steamy Sex Ed, the Passion Patch, Hormone Balancing and Hot to Trot. Susan frequently appears on abc, cbs, the CW and NBC as well as being the number one downloaded episode guest on myriad podcasts. So without further ado, I would like to bring Susan to share her, you know, incredible insights on how we can enhance our sexuality.

Yeah, that sounds good. I've got a few things to say, don't I, Joy?

A lot. We don't have that much time.

I know. Well, I'll come back. We. One of the things that I wanted to tell you was that I, I saw a piece of research a couple weeks ago, a couple months ago now that I thought was really interesting that I think you'll like too, because you're such a gorgeous, gorgeous creature yourself. And that was a European study that showed photos of people to 2,500 people and requested them to guess the age of the person in the photo. And there was this certain group of people, they called them the super young. And everyone guessed them to be 10 years younger than their actual age. And they were looking for, okay, what's the correlate here between these people? And what they realized was that these particular, after they figured it out, they're like, oh my gosh, this is so interesting. These were the people who had intimate relations three times a week or more that made them look 10 years younger than their cohorts. And that I thought was really interesting because if you look at the Dunedin pace data, which is a longevity study, there's four quadrants, they say there's four quadrants to good longevity. And the first is cognition, mental cognition, mental function. The second is grip strength, which is an indicator of overall body strength. So strength, muscular strength is very important. As I grip my nice biceps, as I tell you that balance standing on one leg. The thing that's going viral on TikTok right now is can you put your shoe on standing on one foot? And the fourth thing was, how do you look compared to your peers? People who look younger on the outside tend to also be younger on the inside, if you will. And I thought that was quite interesting. That's the true diagnostics. Does the chronological versus biological age report, and they use the Dunit and pace data as part of it. They test your methylation pathways to see how your. How you're doing and how your aging is going. So you can have like, my chronic chronological age is 61. My biological age is 43 and a half. And I'm working to get that down below 40. So doing the things that are required to get that down. And some of those are things that I'm doing actually are some of the things I wanted to tell you about today.

Yeah, so. So maybe tell us a little bit, like, how did you get into this whole sexual realm? Like, you, you were, I'm sure you were just one of the. The normal Americans who's going about their lives and not really focusing on talking about sex. Like, how did this come about?

Well, I was a Silicon Valley executive. My husband and I were. And about a decade into our marriage, I was really avoiding him for sex because I wasn't having orgasms from intercourse. And, you know, I did it for 11 years, 12 years, and never had an orgasm. And I frankly got bored with it. I just was like, I don't know, it just seems like it's all for you and not really. I'm not getting anything out of it, and I don't like it. So we took, we took, we did some, you know, we saw some therapists and we took some sex workshops. And the sex workshops almost immediately fixed our problems. Because the thing about, the thing about sex is that they're all learned skills, just like learning how to cook or any other thing. You just have to know what the recipes are and then you do them and you get better at it over time and it becomes more satisfying and tastes more delicious because you become a better cook or a better lover. And when we realized that most of our friends were getting divorces and we knew it wasn't money because they were all gainfully employed like we were, it was sex. And we said, well, let's. We're both tech people. And we said, let's put these workshops on the Internet so that people can just guide themselves through these experiences and learn pleasuring skills and communication skills and lovemaking techniques, because there's not. We don't get an education about sexuality. We barely get any anatomy information. We don't understand how our genitals function. We don't have any bedroom communication skills. We're afraid and ashamed to talk to each other. We're. We don't think we even know what we want. Our comm. Our culture is infused with pornography, which is degrading to women. And movies, which show, you know, they rip their clothes off, she's still got her bra on and he's penetrating her, and it's like, that's the worst thing you can do. And so we have all this negative information, all this religious shame, all this trauma that happens because of all this negative information, and we wonder why we don't want to have sex. By the time we get to be 40 or 50 years old, a lot of women especially, they're like, I could take it or leave it at this point. Forget about it. And so once we realize that, actually once you begin to know what you're doing and someone tells you how to do things, shows you what I like to call the map to the territory. I call myself an orgasmonaut. Like, I go to the far reaches of outer space and I learn how to have these experiences. And then I come back and I tell you how to have them so you can have them too. Because all of this stuff is simply learned skills. You know, I see these things all the time on the Internet about how, you know, it's so easy for men to have orgasms from intercourse and women don't have them. And. And, you know, we should do something about this. Like, well, why don't we tell women how to have orgasms from intercourse? Like, why don't we just start. Let me just tell you how to do it. It's not that hard. And once you do it, you can learn how to do it. And then sex is fun, and then you want to do it, and then you have all this. Then you look 10 years younger than your cohorts having great orgasms. But if you don't learn how, then you're kind of stuck in the. Why bother? I'm just going to check out.

So.

And I think checking out of your sexuality, it depresses your creativity, your vitality, your sense of self, your felt senses. It depresses your oxytocin production. It depresses your intimate conn. It probably makes you stop Thinking about your body and then taking care of it less. I mean, I just think the downstream effects of not having good information about how to have really great sexual pleasure, it just hurts us more than we can imagine.

What do you think is the percentage of women who haven't been able to experience orgasm?

I think it's pretty high. But it doesn't mean they can't. They can. It's simply understanding for each, for each woman. Every woman is very different, but there's almost like a checklist of things that are okay. It's not that thing. It's not that thing. Oh, maybe it's this thing, right? You know, it's kind of like there's a list of things. For some women it's, it's that they've had trauma. For some women it's that they have so much body shame. For other women it's religious repression. They've been told that it's bad or they just have gotten, you know, some, some downloads somewhere that you know that they're, they're good girls and they shouldn't, or they've never been pleasured, no one's ever really touched them the way that feels good to them, or they've never felt safe enough with a lover to fully surrender, or they haven't spent enough time pleasuring themselves and finding what feels good to themselves. I would say a lot of those are probably the most common reasons. And then the problem is that if a woman goes on for a while not having orgasms, then she starts to think it's her or she's broken or any number of million reasons that she would get to that feeling like, I just can't. And then it does become a mindset issue. And sometimes you can break your own negative mindset through solo pleasuring. And sometimes you can find a partner who isn't putting pressure on you and you just get so turned on by them. Sometimes it's even giving yourself enough time to actually allow your body to fully get turned on. Because we women have been rushed to sex our whole lives. Because our male, if we're with male bodied partners, we're with penis owners. The penis is a straight shot that has really fast acting hemodynamics, really fast acting blood flow. So the, the penis gets erect very quickly within minutes, where the vulva, which has as much erectile tissue in it as the penis. If you think about a penis and you think about it like, okay, that's a banana. So half of his banana is sticking out of his body and half of his banana is Actually going in and down toward his testicles. So double the size of what you usually see as a penis. Twice as much. Take. Take that double amount. And that's a big banana. Take the skin off the banana and pretty much what's inside a penis is erectile tissue and a urethral tube. I mean, it's pretty much just spongy tissue in there, the whole banana. We have that same amount in our vulva, but it's split into three different erectile tissue systems. I think I have a picture of it right here. I'll just hold it up. Since we do have a YouTube channel. Good for you. I can hold up a picture and show you what it looks like. So this is. That's the G spot. That's not a spot. Anatomy lessons are helpful, you know. So here's the. Here's the vulva, the outside of the vulva. And this is the mons, the outer labia, the inner labia, the clitoral hood, the clitoral, the glands. The shaft goes up inside the hood, the inner labia open up. That's the vestibule. Here's the urethral exit where the urine comes out. This is the vaginal opening called the introidal sphincter. Here's the perineal area. This is the foreshadowed and the anus. So this is the vulva, this whole piece. But if I peel away the skin, if I just take the skin away, this is what looks. What it looks like underneath. So there's the tip of the glands, there's the shaft. The two arms are called crora. The two legs are called vestibular bulbs. That's the clitoral structure. But then this spongy tube is the urethral structure. And this little sponge down here is the perineal structure. So we've got three different parts that are. That make up our banana. And so all these nooks and crannies, they take quite a while for the blood to run into them. And if a woman has not achieved an orgasm in the past, she's nervous. Performance anxiety is one of the biggest issues in sexuality. Add to that that women, because we're estrogen dominant, we're worriers. Estrogen is the molecule of safety for us because women are prey and men are predators in our animal kingdom. In Homo sapiens, which is what we are, that's the animal we are Homo sapien, which is a primate. We're on the branch of the tree, that's prim. And so we walk in a world unsafe. We have no good modeling for orgasmic intercourse the way a woman needs, the matriarchal way. All we see is patriarchal ways of having sex, which is, well, my penis is erect, so we should have intercourse because intercourse is sex. Everything else is foreplay. That's directly from religious oppression. Religious oppression says sex is for procreation only. You only do what I have to, you know, and this stuff comes down to us, whether we know it or not. So here we are with someone. If we're with a guy who's, like, ready to go, we don't even feel safe. We're not turned on our bananas worth of erectile tissue takes 20 to 30 minutes of consistent pleasuring, kissing, stroking, words of encouragement, adoration, love, petting, breast and nipple play, genital massage, oral pleasuring, warming up with vibrators and other toys. We need all these things.

20 to 30 minutes, that's a long time. Exceeds the patience of most men. Maybe.

Well, if they knew that they were rushing us and that that's what was required, they would do it in a heartbeat because they want us to have incredible pleasures. So they keep getting invited back. And so it's getting really good at honoring our bodies as women. Getting the encouragement, appreciation, heart connection, emotional connection, presence of our partner, being slow, not putting pressure on ourselves, and trying to push that performance anxiety out of the way and come back into the state of sensation and connection with our lover where we're not trying to hurry. When you, you know, you read my bio and you said she. She's written techniques that transform having sex into making love. Having sex is I grab a boob.

And stick it in.

Making love is we kiss. I give you a massage. I rub that little spot on your foot. We've got a pitcher of water and some wine and some grapes. The music's playing. The sheets are soft, the candlelight is lovely. We've got lubes we like. We've got a couple of toys. We love to make out, feel each other's bodies. I want to put lingerie on for you. I want to dance for you. We. You want to worship me. You want to tell me how beautiful I am? You want to look at my yoni. Yoni being the tantric lovemaking word for our female genitals. You want to look at my yoni and tell me how beautiful it is and how much you love me and how good I smell. You want to hold me and pat me and play with my breasts and kiss me. And, you know, these are all of the things that are required for us to do what I like to call cross the gasm chasm, Close that orgasm gap between how easy it seems for him and how difficult it seems for us. Because it's not difficult for us. We just don't get what we need to have it. And once we don't get it, a few times we put so much pressure on ourselves, we think it's us, we're broken. And then they're like, well, I guess she is broken. But I still like to. I still like to do her because I get off, you know, and then you get into this really bad spiral. So it's moving from patriarchal sex to matriarchal sex, Literally giving our bodies the time that we need as women to drop into our comfort and connection and go up that arousal ladder at the pace that our bodies require. I want to say one more thing about it, if you don't mind.

No, please.

I know I've talked, you know, quite a bit already. One of the biggest habits that I had to break in learning how to have orgasms from intercourse. Because I could have orgasm in when I was 42. This is when all this went down of like, oh, my God, my life has changed in this moment when I said I didn't want to have sex with my husband because I wasn't having orgasms from intercourse, and it just was no good for me. I was able to give myself orgasms from my vibrator, but that was it. I didn't have orgasms from him going down on me. I mean, it was not easy for me. And now I can have orgasms for hours and 20 different kinds of orgasms. Our body is capable of having so many different orgasms. There's locations to touch, there's techniques to use, and there's objects of desire. Those are the three categories of the 20 kinds of orgasms. But the thing that I really had to learn was to never fake anything or make any sounds or move my body in any way that wasn't coming from within the animal in which I live. So getting out of this kind of sex, that was. Well, I guess he's going to feel bad if I'm not moaning or acting all turned on. Like, if I'm not turned on, I'm not turned on yet, but I will be. I learned to trust that my body would get there if I allowed her and was patient enough with her for her to relax. Because arousal begins in relaxation. If you're nervous and have performance anxiety or a mindset that. That you're like, I can't. I Have never. I just can't. I'm not gonna be able to do it. Then you end up psyching yourself out. You've got to. The orgasms are in there. They'll come up like a spring of water, bubbles out of the ground, but they won't with pressure and rushing and fear and anxiety. And so I think for most women who've never had orgasms, it's really getting into a place where you're like, I am going to take what I need to get where I want to go. And then when I finally allow myself, the time it's going to take me. And the words of encouragement, the appreciation. I mean, when I make love with my husband, I still say to him, what do you love about me right now? How do I look? Is my yoni pretty? What's pretty about it? You know, I need a lot of verbal encouragement and adoration. And it's not me, it's us. We women need that to feel safe and loved so that we can relax and start to get into our bodies and feel our sensation and ride that sensation and. And then get to our orgasms. And I'm having the most incredibly orgasmic intercourse. I made love to my husband last night, and I like to start out on top. I've been working on my cowgirl game. My husband and I, we do yoni massage for 15 minutes to a half an hour, sometimes longer. He'll just. He'll just massage my yoni. We'll talk. I'll relax. Sometimes I lie there like I'm completely dead. I'm just in a trance state, riding the pleasure. Then my body relaxes. I start to wiggle and move. The prolactin comes in, and I relax a little. And then I start to let down and let go. And then my orgasms start to come in, and they're very light at first. They're more in my throat than they are in my yoni. In the beginning, they just start to kind of come into me. And then I start having more and more sensation, and then I start coming really well. And then I start moaning a little bit, and, you know, it just. It builds. I start out looking like I'm lying there dead, and I don't rush myself. And that's the biggest thing that I've learned, is that she will come when she is ready. And I must honor my yoni. She is in charge. My husband and I call each other team sweetie. It's us against my ownie, and not against her, but, like, there to support her and allow her to be whatever she's going to be in that moment. Sometimes it's the pussycat. Oh, I have this cute little thing. I always love to talk about this little. I'm holding up a little kitty cat, and it has a little. She has a little lion. A little lion thing on it. Because sometimes she's a tiger or a lioness, and sometimes she's just a little pussycat. And you never know what she's going to be in any given moment. And she can change on a dime. And so we just allow for this, and it's made all the difference in the world for us.

Wow. So coming from somebody that you. You couldn't reach orgasm, like, for. For years, like since you're not for the first 42. Wow. Yeah. To this kind of transformation.

Yeah. I can't. I come and come and come and come. The whole time I'm having orgasm after orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. They're getting more and more intense and incredible.

That's amazing because when I met you, I thought you must be an infomaniac since the start.

Nope. Learned it all.

So that's even more remarkable. I mean, lots of women will want to know, how did you get from there to here? I mean, the workshop was something that. What did they teach you in the workshop? Like, how did that transform you?

It was mostly the expanded orgasm practice that was the thing that really transformed me. It was getting enough stimulation of my genital system. And to this day, we have a program called expandherorgasm tonight dot com. I'll tell you what, I never do this, but, Joy, I really appreciate how loving and generous you've always been with me. And your listeners can send an email to me and I will give them the program. I've only ever done this one time with one other program on a podcast, and I've probably been on a thousand podcasts.

Thank you. I'm so honored.

Yeah, you know, you are really doing a lot of great work in this world. So anyone who's following you, if like to have the expandherorgasm tonight.com program, you can email me, Susan personal life media.com and I'll have one of my team gift you the program. It's $197 program, and it teaches a. Basically a clitoral stroking technique that was for me really the doorway, the portal into becoming orgasmic with intercourse. Because for the first time, I was getting the kind of stimulation that my vulva needed to engorged enough and erect enough such that when I had intercourse, everything was full and round and plump and I had an erection. You know, remember if we take that banana and we turn it into a circle with a point on the top and pop it around our vagina, that's our erectile tissue and it all needs to be plumped up. Or we're trying to achieve orgasm with a flaccid vulva. We need a clitoral erection, but we really need a clitoral, urethral, perineal erection. We need all of the tissue to really be. This is what quote unquote foreplay does for us, right? It. It gets the blood into all that tissue. And so the expanded orgasm practice was what my husband and I started 20 years ago. And that to this day is what I need to have really incredible orgasmic intercourse. You can't have good orgasms from intercourse until all that tissue is plumped up. And people go too fast, especially people who have performance anxiety. They want to be like, let's just get it over with. And then I always say that every time you rush your yoni and you have intercourse especially that is not orgasmic, you're putting another brick in the wall of your future sexless existence. Because we have to, as women embrace that we are not in male bodies. We are slow engorgers. Engorgement being, tumescence being the blood seeping into all of that different, those different erectile tissue structures. We're 15 minutes to 30 minutes. 15 if he's a brand new hot lover and we're super psyched to be with him. 30 minutes if we've been married to him for a decade or longer. Right. I mean, it's. There is new relationship energy that really increases arousal. And so if we can honor our body and allow it to get the sensation and stimulation it needs, she will open, your desire will flourish, and you will want it, and you'll start to have incredible orgasms.

The engorgement and then the orgasm. And so, and then you mentioned the word matriarchal sex. And that's the first time I've ever heard that. I know there's tremendous difference in our social structure, especially between, between men and women. There's huge shift. You're seeing all kinds of things that you don't. You haven't seen in, you know, 50, 100 years prior, even just the fact that nowadays there's so many women who are with younger partners, who are with men that are 15, 20 years younger than them. And this was only seen between, you know, for older men and younger women. But now, you know, I'm encountering you know, my own patients and friends seems like it's popping up everywhere. So there's a big shift. So what do you think? How does this matriarchal sex, how is that related to this social shift?

Well, women are starting to say. What I find most common is that I'll. I'll go. I. I go onto a podcast and I say, would you like to. Would you like me to tell you what matriarchal sex is like compared to what been doing? And I describe that the time that worship, the adoration, the patience, the allowing ourselves to have the stimulation that we need. And women are like, God, yeah, that's what I want. And when you have an older woman with a younger man, there is a dynamic where you're going to tell him what you want and he's going to give it to you. Where the men that are our age, they've probably grown up in the, you know, well, I'm just going to grab a boob and stick it in, and that's the way it is. And the younger guy, you know, So I think there's some courage that you get as a woman when you are dealing with someone who's a little younger. And you can kind of boss them around a little bit and be like, here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need you to go down on me for like about 10 or 15 minutes, and I'm going to need you to brush my hair, and I'm going to need a foot rub. And, you know, like, whatever it is you want. I'm going to need you to take some pictures of me in this lingerie that are really good, you know, whatever you want, and they'll do it. The thing is that all men will do that. All men are slaves to the yoni. When you know what you want and you ask for it, they will give it to you. 99.9% of them will, okay, take the sociopaths and the. The assholes and get rid of them. Like, I can't fix them. They're there. You just have to avoid them. When you find out you're dating one, you have to leave immediately. You know, that's not good. But you're talking about your basic nice dudes. They will do whatever you want. They just want you to tell them what you want. The problem is that we women have not been seeing what we want or hearing what we want because, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, you know, where is our sexuality? You can't talk about sex on Instagram. You can't talk about sex on Facebook. You can't talk about sex on television. You can't. The only thing we see are the patriarch is the patriarchal crap that's out there. So we have to take it upon ourselves to figure out what it is that feels good to us that we need in that moment and ask our partners for it and be willing to step up and stand for our own desire. And some women will do that. Some women who are listening to this podcast today, they'll be like, damn, I'm just gonna, like, start thinking about what I want and asking for it, and they're gonna get it and their sex life is going to get better because they are going to slow down and take what they need instead of feeling rushed by the patriarchal paradigm that we've been swimming in since we were born.

And, and as far as the techniques that you were teaching. Yeah. So taking the time, asking for what you need and, and also, you know, basically allowing the, allowing the full blossom of, of the tissue. So think about a full erection of a man, and that's where you need to get to as women. Yeah. And you have a lot of interesting techniques and tricks and, and even, you know, from a, from a health and nutritional perspective, like, there are a lot of things that you, you have designed right around this area. Yeah. So what, you know, some are pretty vivid. I remember hearing you on podcasts. You know, it's a, it's pretty fun. You want to share some of the techniques that, what's.

What's a vivid one that you're thinking of.

I think you were talking about letting the man come, come, come behind you or, or, and start, you know, doing certain things that, that's going to turn you on. And, you know, so, so it was, it was the, the act, the, you know, how things are done and, and what you, you know, maybe you need to ask for. It was, it was, it was pretty. Yeah, you were very vivid.

Who knows what that one was that you were, that you were talking about. But one of the things that, one of the, one of the things that I like to offer is something called my sexual soulmate pact. P A C, T. It's an agreement between partners that you're each going to ask for what you want and the other person's going to say thank you and appreciate you for doing it so that you can say anything that you need to say and ask for anything that you'd like to have and so can your partner. Because people are afraid to speak up in the bedroom that's@sexualsome8 Pact.com and it's free.

So really good download outside of the bedroom. This pact.

No, it's inside. You may, you can make it outside the bedroom. But it's four inside the bedroom. Yeah, right.

It's.

It's a lover's agreement. The sexual soulmates Lovers agreement. Sexual soulmate pact.

So. So if you are sexual partners, you do this like during the act, before the act.

You can learn it outside the bedroom and then you do it inside the bedroom. It's, it's how to ask for, how to know what you want and ask for it and have your partner love that you asked for it. Instead of contract or feel like they did anything wrong, which is what guys tend to do. They tend to be in a victim mindset and they're very, very bad at taking feedback. And so this gets them. If you're with a male bodied partner, it's difficult to give them feedback because they think they know everything and if they do anything wrong they feel like they got yelled at. It's just like the way men are. And so it's how a woman can work around those problems with men's ego and feelings of superiority that they have.

Yeah, but sex is so varied. There's so ways, you know, different people like different things and it seems like it's, it may not be easy to really match what people like. Some people like it, you know, vanilla, you know, very gentle and soft and sweet and some people like it rough and you know, but there, there are so many orientations. So how do you navigate all that?

That's a black and white mindset. And really what that is is somebody's comfortable in one way and they have a path to pleasure in one way. But the more that. Let's just say you start dating somebody and you know, they do certain, they like certain things. Oh, touch my penis just this way, really hard on the end. Okay, well I'll do that but I ain't doing that for other ever because when number one, it wears my hand out. Number two, you don't need to be touched that hard to have an orgasm. Number three, I think you got some sensation loss. So let's, so let's fix that. Number four, I'm going to start tickling your penis because it turns out that that actually will turn you on too, you know. And so it's just this idea that people end up in a rut. They have a way of doing something and that's great because you can begin to do what's Called orgasmic cross training once you have one path. So let's say you've got a woman who hasn't ever had an orgasm. Fantastic. Now she's listened to this program and she's like, okay, I have been putting too much pressure on myself. I haven't been giving myself enough time. I haven't actually been experimenting with my own self pleasuring. I've just kind of been like, I'm frustrated, I'm going to give up on this stuff. Now she hears this and she's like, geez, okay. I guess I just never gave myself enough time. I guess I never got enough adoration or encouragement. I'm willing to ask for that. So I've got a guy who I like and I'm willing to get, give it a try now and I'm gonna start pleasuring myself. And so for her I would say do orgasmic cross training where you get. There's eight different kinds of sex toys that. There's eight categories of sex toys that a woman can have in her pleasure chest. And each one of them delivers a different type of sensation to a different part of her vulva. And really what she wants to think about is vulva activation. It's not just the tip of the glands of the Clitoris with the 10,000 nerve endings, it's oh, I gotta get this whole baby plumped up here. I gotta get all this stuff going on. I gotta activate all the neuro, you know, the neural pathways to my brain, my biggest sex organ by touching all this stuff. So I'm going to use a liquor, I'm going to use a thruster, I'm going to use a G spot toy, I'm going to use a butterfly, I'm going to use a, you know, whatever. All I'd have to sit here and think about what all eight are. But she can start to collect these different toys and tantalize herself with all of these things and turn these areas of her vulva on so that she just gets quicker to turn on each time she's doing it because she's started building these pathways to pleasure from her yoni to her brain, the mind body connection. She's stimulating it in different ways so that maybe she's dating a couple of guys. I'm just making stuff up here. And one guy's really good at oral pleasuring, so that's great. And one guy's much better at penetration. One guy's fantastic with his hands and he's so good at yoni massage. And so now she's starting to Say, okay, I can have orgasms with this guy this way, this guy this way, this guy this way. Now I'm building my orgasmic potential. I'm starting to lean into different ways to come. I've taken this one thing that I finally have been able to do, and now I'm adding new things to it and I'm expanding my orgasmic ability. So that's a good way to think about where you're going with all this, is that you might have a lover who loves everything very soft and tickly, but you can get him to the point where he loves it when you ride him cowgirl like a wild bucking bronco. He never thought in a million years that would be what he would want. He wanted the lightest of touch. Now he loves you riding him like crazy hard and fast and going nuts on him because he learned how to do it. That's all that is, is when someone's like, this is what I like. It's only because they haven't tried new things. The better you get at sex, the more things make you come, the more fun you have, the more confidence you get, and the more pleasure is created in different ways.

Okay, all right. That's very, very insightful.

Good.

Yeah. I haven't really heard people talking about it, you know, like how to kind of break through your, your, your locked in pathways and create basically neuroplasticity. Right?

That's it.

Yeah, yeah. And then you have some, you created some sex toys to help people to awaken different areas of, of their body and their brain, Right? Basically.

Well, I don't, I don't make any sex toys. I work with a couple of companies who have very high quality products that are super safe. There's no phthalates in them, there's no toxins in their materials. They've got high quality motors, they've got very good apps for your phone. So you can even use your phone and Bluetooth and Dr. Things. Those are fun. One of the things I recently did was one of my partners. I'm teaching him how to give me yoni massages. And he's doing an incredible job. He just has such a good sense of touch and he likes prostate stimulation. And a lot of guys are moving into prostate stimulation. They like the pleasuring. It's like G spot for us. Women are exploring their G spots and men are exploring their pee spots. And I put this little, this little prostate massage device inside him. I actually had him do it. I'm like, you do it. You stick it in and he Was giving me a yoni massage. Every time he did a really good job, like gave me a couple of really good orgasms or whatever. This Little device had 18 different patterns on it. And I'd be like, oh, good boy, here you go. And I'd give him a different pattern. We had such a good time that afternoon together where he was just giving me the most incredible yoni massage. And I was just teasing and tantalizing him with this little toy. It was a super fun thing. And he did a great job with my yoni massage. I mean, it was just like, wow, I've had two dates with you and you are learning fast. So guys want to learn how to give us what we want to.

Okay, well, this is while you're married or before you got married.

Well, I've been married to my husband for 30 years.

Yes.

And I have some lovers and he is perfectly happy with me having them. He has conversion, which is, he's not jealous, he's pleased, he's happy for me. He knows that this is the world, the world I live in is the world of expansion of my sexuality. And I, I, my top relationship value is security. I love to be in a long term relationship. 30 years. Next month is our wedding anniversary. So my husband and I run our business together. We have a beautiful daughter together, we own multiple homes together, we've traveled the world together. We absolutely love each other. And he's my number one lover. But I also like to have other lovers. So right now I also have a second boyfriend that I'm very, very close to. I have a new boyfriend who kind of lives far away. So we don't see each other much. But he's monogamous to me. He says, I'd prefer to just be monogamous to you and we'll see each other when we can see each other because I love to be with you more than I've ever loved to be with any woman in my life. And so I'm, I'm good. I'm happy. I don't, I don't need to have a lot of sex. I want to have super high quality experiences with you. And I also have a girlfriend. And I have a girlfriend. We are having a one month lovership and I happen to be home and available for a month. And I said to her, would you like to have a lovership and we'll explore and have fun and do yoni massages and things like that. And she said, I would love to do that. So I was her ecstatic birth partner for her Entire pregnancy. And then she said, I just want to keep this going. Like I, I'm, you know, I've totally fallen in love with you. You've given me so much pleasure. It was just a one sided thing where I was her ecstatic birth partner and so now I have a relationship with her as well. Now I'm in my 60s. I'm in a very solid place. I have great relationships. Everyone knows about everyone else, everyone is friends. You know, it's, it's all our WhatsApp groups are great. I'm, I'm living in a way that suits me and my level of desire. I'm very much, much blossoming at it to a new level right now. That's, that's very rewarding and rich for me. And I'm just, I'm just, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life and I've got beautiful people in my world so it's not right for everyone and I get that. But I have a secure relationship and a lot of freedom and they're my top relationship values and it works for me because I am an orgasmonaut. I like to explore when I have experiences with new people. It helps me remember what that's like and how I can help others by writing the stories that help them and telling the stories that help them.

Wow. That's definitely very unique. Well, maybe not that unique. I'm sure there are people who are in similar boat, but it's certainly rare to hear and that's very refreshing and I'm glad that you find it so, you know, fulfilling and you know, enriching.

It is, it really is beautiful. Yeah. And everybody knows and everybody likes it and everybody's cool and everybody's happy.

That's amazing.

I know.

Well, it takes a generous of spirit to accept a situation like that. Yeah. And I'm glad that they're all contributing to your vast knowledge of orgasm, orgasms and sexual pleasures. Yeah. This is amazing. A very, very interesting conversation. And then. So where should is the best place for people to follow you and learn more from you?

Well, anyone who sends me an email and we give Expand Her Orgasm Tonight too, you'll get on my sex tips newsletter. You can opt out anytime. Of course, if you're not interested in getting the whole program but you'd like to just learn more about it, you can go to expand her orgasm tonight dot com. You can also get the sexual soulmate pact@sexualsolmatepact.com you can go to betterlover.com and opt in for my newsletter there. You can follow me on Instagram at Susan Bratton. S U S A N B R A T T O N and you're welcome to slide into my DMs and ask me anything or reply to any emails that I send you, because I do get your replies directly to my inbox. And I do answer all of the questions that people send me. That's what's made me good, is that people have been sharing their most private worries, concerns, questions and desires with me for decades. And so I've got a good sense of where people are and what gets them stuck and how to get them unstuck. So I really, it's really my honor to support people. So any of those ways are fine.

Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. So I think you're contributing to this, you know, shift and revolution where women are coming more to the forefront of society. Just like I've listened and, you know, learned from other people that they were saying that now in the U.S. on average, women make more money than men, so the dynamic is shifting. And they're making more money because they want higher education, because they want to explore life. Life, they want to push harder. So that says a lot about women. And women are very good. I was just having this conversation with my brother who lives in China. You know, similar things that happen, happening there, you know, most of his friends, the, the woman, the wife makes more money than the guys. And he was saying that now, you know, heavy labors, you know, the, the, the jobs that rely on physical strength, there are less and less of them. But the jobs I rely on, verbal communication, you know, communication skills, multitasking skills, and, you know, you know, empathy. Being able to understand, you know, people around you so requires a lot of these skills. Doing multiple things at once. Yeah, it was so funny. He was talking about, you know, women can, you know, knit a sweater and watch a favorite show and chat with their best friend all at once. But if a guy is watching a football game, they're watching a football game. That's it. So it's interesting, you know, our minds are different and it's wonderful that, that women are, you know, embracing all their capabilities and the society is allowing that to happen and, and for you to come on and, and allowing them to discover more of themselves and to really blossom and, and, and enjoy all that's given to us to our body. I think that's really valuable and I hope a lot of women will find this very helpful and we'll go out and explore and Enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Me too. Yeah. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk more about that. I really do appreciate it. And I think that even if a woman is having orgasms now, she knows there's so many more she can have. And for the women who aren't, they know that they're not broken and that they just need some things that they haven't been getting and that they can have the confidence to ask for those things because they're not different. They're just like the rest of us. We are all built the same. That's the same thing that women can do. Women are multitaskers because estrogen has to keep its eye on everything because we're prey. If you're not prey, you can be single, focused because you don't have to worry about what's coming at you. You have the confidence of testosterone. If you're a male bodied person, you can be goal oriented. And that's the thing. If we've been with men as our partners and they're so goal oriented and they get fast acting hemodynamics and they're ready to go and we've been going at their pace all this time, we have never had the kind of sex that is right for us. And if there's one thing I want from listeners and viewers today on your show, it's to know that you are perfect. And if you honor your pain and the kitty cat inside you and what she really wants, she can have the most wonderful, satisfying experiences. And that it's not there's nothing wrong with you, it's how the feminine body works. And you're just like us and you're our sister and we want you to have that too.

Wow. What a beautiful note to end on. Thank you so much, Susan.

Thank you.

You're inspiring.

Thank you.