Kay Xander Mellish lists the parts of Danish culture she refuses to adopt: the formal social introductions, the TV license fee, rye bread and herring, licorice obsession, and the pattern of avoiding alcohol all week then binge-drinking on weekends.
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Hi, and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kassandra Melish. The Danish government is very eager to integrate. us immigrants. There is even an integration ministry. The integration ministry would probably be very happy with me. I've learned to speak Danish. I pay my taxes. I bike everywhere. I send my daughter to a Danish school. I even enjoy a nice slice of dark rye bread, even when I'm on my own and don't have to impress anyone with how healthy I'm eating. But there are a few ways I simply refuse to integrate. I will not do things the Danish way. Here's one example: the Danish way of introducing people to each other. Now, where I come from, if I'm with one friend, say A, Anders, and we run into another friend, B, say Bente, I introduce them to each other. I say, Anders, this is Bente, one of my favorite clients. Bente, Anders is my personal trainer. That way they know a little about each other, so we can all participate in the short conversation that follows. That's not the Danish way. In the Danish way, people are expected to introduce themselves. Anders sticks out his hand and says, Anders, and Bente sticks out her hand and says, Bente. That's it. And then I chat briefly and uncomfortably with Bente, while Anders kind of stands there like one of the bronze statues in Østred Park. Or worse, stands there while Bente says, I hear you're looking for a new personal trainer. I know a great guy. So I do try to introduce them to each other in my American way, and they try to introduce themselves in the Danish way, and it's all a mess. We're all talking over each other. I have failed to integrate. Another way I've failed to integrate is that I don't listen to Danish pop music. And I don't watch Danish TV. Now, I know that there are some Danish TV dramas that have become famous all over the world. The Killing is one of them. There's also a lot of the usual entertainment filler, the same reality programming, dancing and singing contests that you see in any other country. But Denmark is a small country, 5.5 million people, and most of them are shy. Trust me when I tell you that there is not that much singing and dancing talent to choose from. But it makes my Danish acquaintances concerned and sometimes upset when I say I don't watch their TV. DR, the national TV channel, is seen as a way to kind of bind everyone together. That's why everyone is legally required to pay about $600 a year for it, whether they watch it or not. If I was going to watch trashy entertainment, I'd watch American trash. God knows we have enough of it. Danish food. I have not integrated my diet to Danish food. I don't eat nearly enough pork, and I have yet to master fried fish balls. I don't like herring, and I'm not over the moon about licorice. Now, licorice to a Dane is like chili pepper to a Texan. It's their culinary ne plus ultra. You can buy sweet licorice, salt licorice, chocolate covered with licorice, licorice syrup for your coffee, powdered licorice to put on chicken or fish. They're nuts about it. I swear, I think it's something genetic. If you have this specific Danish gene, licorice tastes amazing, like, say, chocolate to everybody else. In general, Danes do eat a lot of candy, and they binge and teach their children to binge. The way we do it at my house is my daughter can have a little bit of chocolate or a cookie every day after she eats a good dinner. You know, dessert. Danes don't do this. There is theoretically no candy at all during the week, and then a giant bowl of candy on Friday night when you watch the famous Disney show on TV. They have the same attitude towards alcohol. I'll often have a cocktail at the end of the workday or a glass of wine with dinner. Sometimes several days in a row. I know my Danish friends think this is a little suspect. Danes don't do this. What they do is avoid alcohol all week and then get absolutely stinko on the weekend or when they go to a party. Getting stinko is an expected part of the evening's entertainment. Sometimes I try to make weekend plans with friends and they'll say, Oh no, we'll be out the night before, so we'll have a hangover that day. They plan their hangover. I have failed to integrate to the Danish binge-drinking culture, but I still like a glass of wine now and then. And that's the How to Live in Denmark podcast for this week. Go to our Facebook page and tell us what you think about the podcast, or go to howtoliveindenmark.com where you can find all the podcasts and a lot of fun blog posts and photo essays too. This podcast is sponsored by americanvoice.deko. If you're looking for a native English voiceover in Copenhagen, this one, check us out at americanvoice.dk. Music by George Garvis. See you next week. 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