Kay Xander Mellish explains brok, the Danish habit of petty, socially-shared complaining that bonds people without direct confrontation. Danes complain about noisy neighbors, the weather, DSB trains, and the government year-round, but it's a way to vent safely in a small, conflict-shy society where disagreements often come out as silence or sulkiness instead.
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Hello, and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kay Xander Mellish. We're having a heat wave in Denmark now, and this is a country that is not really built for it. There is very little air conditioning outside of cinemas and shopping malls. Danish homes are built To keep heat in, not out. So on a hot day, especially on a hot day when you can't get away to the nearest body of water— you're never too far from the coast in Denmark— you can feel heavy and lazy, like you're melting. You don't want to cook anything to eat, and you can't sleep at night. These are The perfect conditions for brok. Brok rhymes with clock, and it is a Danish word that describes the petty complaints that are common in one of the happiest countries in the world, and one of the richest. It is complaining as a social activity, usually about things that are more irritating than dangerous. Brock is— The noise from my neighbor's battery-powered garden equipment is offensive and destroying my sunny Saturday morning. But the noise from my battery-powered garden equipment is just part of taking care of nature. Brock is— Those children running across the grass screaming are so badly behaved. But my children are energetic and enjoying the free play that is a true part of Danish childhood. Brock is— that music coming from the festival down the street is so annoying, and they should turn it down or turn it off. Of course, my music, played very loudly outdoors, is a way of sharing the joy of a really good tune. It would be wrong to keep it all to myself. Complaints about outdoor music, with the inevitable response that people who don't appreciate loud beats until well after midnight should just move to the countryside and talk to the flowers— this is classic Danish summer brok. So are complaints about the fun running and cycling events that keep shutting down traffic in Danish cities on weekends, so you can't get where you're without weaving through huge crowds of cops and cheering family members. I feel there's more Danish brok in the summer because people come into contact with each other more. The joy of spring is fading, and the bugs are coming out. And it can be so hot. But really, brok can be a year-round occupation. It is particularly common in the coffee or meal rooms on job sites, where Danes complain about their working conditions, the Danish government, the Danish public health system, Danish public transport, especially the national train service DSB, or the all-time favorite, the exasperating Danish weather. Brok is a way of Bonding— aren't we all irritated by the same thing? And a way of blowing off steam without ever confronting anyone directly, which is always a bit dangerous in Denmark because the country is so small and you will run into the same people again and again. When I counsel newcomers to Denmark, I always tell them never to make an enemy in this small country. This is especially true within a small town, or a big-city neighborhood, or any industry. Get in a conflict with someone, and your best friend will end up calling their husband for a business deal, or the boyfriend of the woman whose nice email you never bothered to answer ends up interviewing you on the radio. Or your former boss at a job you left in a snit will sit down next to you at a networking event. All of which have happened to me. It's an interesting contradiction that the Danes can be very direct. They will tell you, for example, if they don't have time to talk to you or aren't interested in whatever topic you're going on about. But at the same time, they are polite. Konfliktsky, or conflict-shy, when it comes to a true difference of opinion. Not on social media, where Danes can be remarkably blunt posting under their real names, but certainly in person. You will rarely hear someone having a fight in public in Denmark. You will rarely hear anyone raise their voice. The chosen weapon is silence. Sullenness. A passive refusal to do things they don't want to do. And as soon as you get out of earshot, brug. And that's the How to Live in Denmark podcast for this week. This summer, I'm running a series on Instagram of our classic podcasts. We have been podcasting for 13 years now. So if you missed episodes like Equality and the Electric Bike or Tips for Living with a Danish Family, you'll have a chance to discover them. Follow us on Instagram @howtoliveanddk. The 2 is a number. See you next time.
