Kay Xander Mellish shares crowdsourced cultural mistakes newcomers make in Denmark. Be exactly on time for meetings, remove your shoes indoors, never drop by unannounced, and don't call after 9:30 pm. Always ask before taking the last piece of cake.
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Hello and welcome to the How to Live in Denmark podcast. I'm Kay Xander Mellish. I did a little crowdsourcing for this week's podcast. I asked some of our listeners and some people on Facebook What were some of the small cultural mistakes, the faux pas, you made when you first arrived in Denmark? What are the dos and don'ts? I got a wide selection of answers. Don't keep your shoes on when entering a Danish home was one thing. Don't arrive even a few minutes late to any Danish event was another. The 8 o'clock meeting is not an 8:05 meeting. Don't try to bum a cigarette. Not done in Denmark. Don't telephone a friend after 9:30 in the evening or so. Not done in Denmark. Don't drop by to see a friend unannounced. Not done in Denmark. Danish people like to plan things in advance, and they're very proud of their homes, and they don't want you to see their house when it's messy. One girl said her faux pas was that she'd eaten the last piece of cake on a plate. You should never eat the last piece of anything in Denmark, at least without asking every single person present if they would like to eat it first. If you don't want to do that, the proper etiquette is to slice the piece of cake in half and take half. And then the next person will slice that half in half. And so on. In the end, there will be a little transparent slice left to shrivel up in the middle of the plate. Some British and Irish people who responded to me on Facebook had tried to give transport tickets with leftover time on them to others. Apparently that's common in the British Isles, but it's not done in Denmark. The American respondents had trouble with the chained-together shopping carts here. We don't have this in the States, but in Denmark you have to put a 10-crown coin or a 20-crown coin in the cart to detach it and drive it around the supermarket. I didn't understand this, so on my very first day in Denmark, I asked some guy who was leaving the supermarket if I could have his shopping cart. He wasn't too pleased. Only if you have 20 crowns, he said. Supermarket etiquette is a big thing in Denmark. When you get to the cash register and put your items on the conveyor belt, it's very important to put the little divider between your stuff and the next person's stuff. If you don't, you're likely to get a little huff— huh!— from the next shopper in line. Now, I personally have made so many faux pas that it's difficult to count them. I know when I first came here, my biggest faux pas was leaving too quickly after dinner. Before living in Denmark, I had lived in Manhattan, and I was part of the Manhattan media world. In that world, image is everything, and being busy means you're important. You're expected to have multiple engagements for the same evening and not annoy your host by staying too long in one place. Oh my God, is Kay still here? In Denmark, it's entirely different. Even the most casual dinner is a full evening's entertainment. You sit down at the table at 7 or 8 and are expected to remain there in the same seat next to the same people, eating and then drinking wine or coffee until midnight or later. Apparently, when I first got here, I hurt people's feelings by going home at 10, which was also pretty much when I ran out of words and had nothing left to say. But I've now learned that it's okay manners in Denmark to just sit there without saying anything until the conversation comes around your way again. You're not required to be entertaining or even friendly. Just sit and listen. That's enough. And remember to say tak for mad, thanks for the food, when you do finally get up from the table. And that's the How to Live in Denmark podcast for this week. Come leave a comment at howtoliveindenmark.com or follow us on Facebook. How to Live in Denmark. Check us out on Twitter at How to Live in DK, the 2 is a number, and don't forget the How to Live in Denmark book available on Amazon, saksu.com, and iTunes. See you next week. See you next week.
