09. Leadership: Why People Don't Get What They Want

Hey, my friend. Welcome back to leadership in a nutshell. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. We are cracking the code of the driven mind, and I'm super pumped that you are joining me here for episode number nine. Today we are going to talk about why people don't get what they want. Is that a topic you'd like to know a little something about? I bet it is. And that's why I'm super excited to dive into today's topic. So let's kind of break this down. I believe simplicity equals success in so many ways. I think the easier we can make things. I'm revealing myself for you right now, Right. If things are simple, maybe I can do it. Why? I'm not that complicated of a person. However, that's really served me well in my life because I think that people over complicate things as their ego subconsciously believes that things have to be hard and in order to have value. Think about that. Does your life need to be difficult in order for your ego to feel satisfied, like it is creating something of accomplishment? I just want you to kind of work through that in your own mind for a moment. But why don't people get what they want? Let me ask you a question. Do you have what you want? Of course you don't. That's one of the reasons we're joining together here today. And I would say that this can be quantified at different levels. Do I have everything that I want? No, not yet. However, I've created the things that I want in the core key components of my life. And one of those things is what I'm doing right now with you.

And I get the opportunity to share, to spend some time together here and really dive in to key things that I've learned, key things my mentors have taught me, spiritual leaders, movers and shakers of the world now. And I also want you to remember that as we share different strategies, tools, different things throughout all of our time together on these podcasts, I want you to realize that, you know, you can take value from one person. You don't have to take everything that they do. There are certain things I really respect about how Steve Jobs ran Apple when he was at the helm. There are certain things that I would never want to model or mirror within my own companies and, and with my.

Own team as a leader.

So let's not get stuck on that person or that situation. Let's look at where certain value can come from. So the first thing is, do you have what you want? Probably not. Ultimately, you want to keep on growing, learning, accomplishing. That's cool. Progress is where it's all at, right?

The second thing is, do you know what you want? That's a really big question. If I'm able to just sit down with you for five minutes, if we jump on. On a zoom or a video call and go, you know what? Let's connect. Do you really know what you want? The challenging thing is many of you cannot answer that question for me. Now, as a coach, as a behavior expert, as a change expert, how am I supposed to help you get out of average and into your awesome if you don't know what you want? It doesn't matter what I want. It doesn't matter what. What a team of coaches that I have to help you want for you. At the end of the day, what matters is what you want. And sometimes we can't answer that. Now, stay with me because I'm going to go blow your mind a little bit deeper, and I'm going to hold you accountable to some things. And is it okay if I'm real with you? Is it okay if we kind of talk turkey, if you will, and maybe even slap each other around a little bit with some reality? I hope so, because that's what we're doing. We're cracking the code of the driven mind here. And. And one of the things our driven mind wants to create excuses, wants to let us off the hook, wants us to say, oh, well, I'm going to justify that. You're doing okay. You're doing better than so many other people in your trade, in your industry, in your family, in your peer group, whatever it is. So you must be doing okay. I say stop the madness. Stop lying to yourself. You've got more, and I want to see it. It's time for you to step into your greatness. And. And one of the areas that we do that is we step back and we go, huh? Wait a minute. Maybe, just maybe, Kenny's speaking some truth today. And here's one area truth I'm gonna hit you with right now, my friend. You already know what you need to do. Let that land for a moment. You already know what you need to do. You just aren't doing it. People go, well, I really want to figure out what I'm passionate about in my life. Stop it. You already know what you're passion. You know what you want to do. You just don't have the confidence, the guts, the drive, the desire to say yes to that burning passion that might be just barely smoldering now because you squashed it for so many years. Now, I'm saying this lovingly. Let's be clear. I believe in mindful leadership. I believe in compassion. I believe in empathy. I believe everybody's doing the best they can. So let me back up just a moment, take it a little step off for you and just lovingly remind you, look, man, you know what you need to do? What we need to do when we get clear about that, right? Once I'm clear, like, okay, Kenny, yeah, I know. Guess what? I'm 20 pounds overweight. Well, then stop eating so much. Maybe you need to go to the gym.

Maybe you need to change some rules that you have around your situation.

Now, I say it lovingly.

All I'm saying, though, is stop telling.

Yourself a story that already has an answer.

You go, well, just, if I could join this, or if I could do that, or if I could learn this.

Stop it.

That's not the answer.

What we want to do is change the story that you're telling yourself, my friend.

How about if we change the story.

And we start going, you know what? Let's see, whether it's gym, whether it's food, whether it's finance, whether it's my health, my relationships, whatever it is, maybe I really need to dive in and change that story and go, huh? You know, I've been leading my life and those around me from a place of circumstance. If you watch some of my early keynotes, I talked a lot about how my father was murdered and all these different things that draw out now, I'll continue to do that in the right time place and responsibility to an audience to change their physiology. So. But I've realized early in my career, I was telling that story for my own circumstance benefit, my own realization. Like, wow, Kenny, you're doing okay. Look, your father was murdered when you were 21. You've done okay. Stop it. A lot of people's parents get killed. What's the difference if he was taken in an auto accident, took his own life, was shot and killed at war, or got himself killed in a motorcycle situation or whatever? It doesn't matter at the end of the day, because that's an external situation. What matters is what I do with it and how I process it. And now I need to change the story of what I'm telling myself. Most people don't get what they want because they are unwilling to go into the next level of realizing what the story is. Here's what I'm going to give you. I want you to write this down, too. The Number one reason that people don't get what they want in life comes down to focus. At the end of the day, people don't get what they want because of the word focus. Because of the activity of focus. We are focusing on the wrong things. I'm focusing on why I am this way. I'm focused on the problem that I have rather than focusing on the solution. How about this? Let's do the. Let's, let's say that for the rest of your life you can never talk about problems ever again in your life. One of my mentors did this to me recently, said, let's check it out. You cannot talk about problems with anybody for any reasons. You only can talk about solution. That's what I'm telling you right now. You can't talk about problems anymore. You can only talk about solution. Guess what, how many friends you would lose immediately? Your friend group would suddenly disappear.

Why?

Because most people want to talk about the problem, not the solution. It's one of the realities that we have in the world. Again, I have compassion, I have empathy. But I want you to realize for yourself that in the problem doesn't exist. Previous thinking created the problem. Solution based thinking creates the solution. That's where we want to hang out. So when I say, well, wait a minute, maybe I have a focus problem, that's the number one problem we have and is we're focused on the wrong things. When I got out of the United States Army, I realized that I wanted to become an entrepreneur. I wanted to get paid for my performance. So I focused on how can I get self employed. I became self employed from that focus and I ended up being a dead broke drain cleaner because I was self employed. I got what I focused on, but not ultimately what I wanted. Then I said, oh man, I'm going to go from being a dead broke drain cleaner. I'm going to focus on business. I want to learn more about business. And the next thing you know, now all of a sudden I've got different business. I've got auto detail shops, I've got a diaper cleaning and delivery service. Yes, the cloth kind. I don't even have kids and I was running a diaper delivery service. Think about how crazy that is, right? But my focus was on business. My focus wasn't on exactly what I wanted for my quality of life. What about you, my friend? How is this show up for you at the end of the day? Where do you need to change your focus? You go, well man, I, I had a conversation with somebody recently that said Their goal is to be $10 million or 20 million, rather $20 million in sales. They own a service business. Okay, 20 million. Why? And the answer was. And again, lovingly, good friend of mine that I've coached many, many years, and they said, you know, it's because when I first started really getting progressive, that was what those people were doing. The people. Those people, I'll put that in, Eric, was the successful people, the people that were getting it done at that time. And the number was 20 million. I said, you might want to check yourself, because that number for those people is now 100, 150, 250, $500 million. So do you really want 20 million, or do you want what you want, but you won't say what you truly want? I know a lot of people that do less than a million dollars in sales, and they're happy. They're living the life that they truly want to. On a certain level. You. You go well, man. Kenny, how can you talk about people that don't go to the gym on time or they're not taking care of their health? Guess what? There are vegetarians that are completely overweight, completely out of balance with blood sugar, but they're vegetarian, so they're eating healthy, right? You got gym rats. I'll call you lovingly that. Go to the gym, boy. I'm not going to miss a workout. And you can't rub two nickels together to keep your gym membership because you're so broke with your finances. And it's all good. I'm saying it lovingly, but we all have our things, so don't judge other people for the stuff that they're dealing with. Maybe it's time to take a step back and go, what am I really focusing on? Because the reason most people don't get what they want is, number one, focus. Number two, the story that we're telling ourselves around our situation. Start leading for change and not just circumstance that'll set you free, my friends. Thanks so much for being here. Episode number nine, leadership in a nutshell, where we're cracking the code of that driven mind. Give me a rating. Give us a review. Subscribe, please. Can't wait to see you very soon. Make it a better than fantastic week. Cheers.