109. The Only Two Reasons for Communication

Foreign. Welcome back to Leadership in a nutshell. We're cracking that code of the driven mind, especially for home service. You and I are just blessed by this crazy mind that we have. And today I want to jump in and just, I want to first thank you for being here. This is episode 109, the only two reasons for communication. And as you know, communication sets you free or it can place you in mental and emotional prison. And today I just really want to get clear on the two reasons for communication. Really. You know, we can break down a lot of these different things, but they fall under two reasons. And then I'm going to go a little bit deeper with the ways that these things get framed. Okay, so communication is pinnacle as a leader. How strong your team is, the results that you get, how your team communicates with clients. You know, sales is communication, pricing is communication, training is communication, teaching is communication. Don't forget, training and teaching are two different things. Any way that you build skill comes through communication. And a lot of our communication is with ourselves. And then a lot of communication comes with others. And so, you know, in leadership laws I wrote about, candid communication is one of the laws. And today I just really want to break down the kind of two categories or the two main reasons for any communication that takes place. Here they go. Number one, it's interest. Number two, it's escape. So what do I mean by that? If you are engaged in communication, you are either in a point of investing and going deeper in being interested in what that individual is talking about, or you are looking to escape, period. You're either wanting to go deeper or you're wanting to get the hell out, aren't you? Think about that. Those are the only two reasons. That's the only two ways that communication shows up. I want to go deeper with this or I want to get the heck out of here as quick as I possibly can. And they happen all day long. When you think about, if you're coaching a frontline team member, if you think about your training from the front of the room and you know that's your level of communication. If you think about when you're talking with your spouse or your children, when you. When you think about all of the communication that happens all day, every day, you're either going deeper, you're investing in it, or you're escaping it. And I just, I, you know, literally I can end that episode, that today's episode right here, because I just want you to take this week and notice, like, you know, one of the areas that you become Free in emotional regulation is when you become the observer of your experience, when you, you know, kind of start really being able to see you as an object in the universe, as having a human experience. And you get to observe that. And, and I want you to really look at yourself this week and observe your communication that you have when it's with another person. Are you investing and you're going a lot deeper with this person on this particular topic or is it something you're doing it because you have to check the box and the sooner that you can end it, the better. And therefore you're falling into the escape or escaping category and it'll blow your mind. It's so freeing when you start realizing and start going, my God, no wonder the person didn't really get my very best because I was in full on escape mode as soon as so and so, you know, like I, I've always said, well, not always, I guess, but for many years as a conscious leader, I've said that the quote, got a minute meetings are the most destructive and painful meetings on the planet. You know those ones, you know, it's like, hey boss, you got a minute? Oh crap. You just roll your eyes inside and from the moment the got a minute meeting gets set, you're in escape mode. That communication, you're looking to escape as quick as you can, right? Whether it's, you know, oh, this, you know, a top tech has some new, top selling tech has some new stipulations that they want you to adhere by, to continue to bless you with their presence, right? You're investing in it because you care about them and you want them on the team, but you're escaping because you want out of this situation as quick as you possibly can. And so I want you to really observe yourself this week of how does this show up and when you catch yourself or when you observe yourself rather than of being very invested and you're really into the communication with somebody. Why is that? What are the things that, that have to be present, right? So what I know for me, if I'm invested in, in communication with another individual, I have my own ego set aside. I have a high level of presence. I'm in the present moment so I can invest in what they have to say and I'm, and I'm interested from their perspective. I can't do that if I'm completely caught up and if I'm running in my head, if I got a zillion things going on, I got to get out of here as soon as I quickly as I possibly can. I'm not able to be present. So many times if I'm not present is when I find myself looking to escape a situation or you know, man, I've got to hurry up and get out of this situation. I'm not really present. I'm not really grounded in myself in order to be there for this other individual. Now, I'm not saying that all communication when you're present, you're going to want to be involved in. I'm not saying that at all. You know, we've all have the people that say the same thing over and over. The people that think that as they tell you the same story that you're going to, you know, get it again in a different way. Whatever. You know, there's all kinds of different ways that, that people rub us wrong or communicate in a way that doesn't effective for us. Whatever, whatever that looks like. What I really want you to take away from today's episode is how it resonates with you when you, you know, as the observer of yourself, when are you investing and when are you escaping? Because I want to go a little bit deeper. The main takeaway from today's episode is, is that you're either investing or you're escaping. But now let's look at how those manifest and how they show up. There's really, you know, kind of four levels that these two things show up in. Number one is you're in communication as part of a request. So there's four things. Write down request. You're in this communication because you're requesting something from someone else or they're requesting something from you. If this, this top level team member, top salesperson, I just gave that example that wants some stipulation that they want. Now they, they don't want to run a certain kind of call because they're so valuable to the business. You're in that communication because they have a request. You may be an escape method now because their request is something that you don't really want to honor. You might be in communication because you have a request. Formal training is a request. You're asking them, whoever them is, your audience of, you know, whether you're training frontline team or technicians or installers or leaders, whoever it is, you have a request that they're going to implement something that you're, that you're sharing with them. Right? So request is a way that communication shows up where, whether you're investing or escaping. The second thing is reject. Write that down. You might be in communication because somebody is rejecting Something or you're rejecting something that they have. Like you know, maybe there's this oh so and so called in or missed, worked or was laid again, here we go. Now I'm going to reject that behavior and we're going to communicate about it. Somebody else could be rejecting behavior in you and therefore we're going to communicate. Now if I'm in rejection based communication, am I going to invest in that or am I going to escape from that? It takes conscious awareness to decide. I want you to be the observer and make a conscious choice of how you're going to go from there. Now the more fun ones that I kind of, where I try to spend a lot of my time is, number three is connect. Write that down. Another way that you'll end up either investing or escaping is when there's a platform of connection for communication. So sometimes it's just a matter of you want to connect. I've got a couple of really good buddies in the Phoenix Scottsdale area that I'll get together with for coffee periodically. No reason, no specific agenda, it's just let's connect, just want to get together, just want to connect and, and share some love, share some positive energy. And then you know, I'm, I'm really invested in that and hopefully they're invested in that as well. If not, if it doesn't work, then we've all had friendships where we used to just get together just to connect. And then ultimately it's not resonating for both of you anymore. And then sometimes you've got to implement an escape technique and start realizing, be aware of this, observe this in yourself. So sometimes, you know, communication is done to connect. Like when you look at, at social media, a lot of this, a lot of it's garbage and a lot of it is out there to validate ego. And I'm not saying it's all garbage, don't get me wrong. But there's a lot of ego validation that goes on in comparison mindset that takes place. And a lot of that is because it's a platform that, where people are trying to connect and other people will invest and give them likes and loves and all this different stuff and other people will escape and go, I'm out, you're not my friend anymore, or whatever the case may be. And then the fourth way that investing or escaping communication will show up is from sharing. And so you know, again, that kind of tied to the social situation. But you know, maybe in business you've got a meeting where you're sharing results, you know, it might be your monthly financial review where you're sharing certain KPIs. Maybe you know, sometimes you have a dashboard or something that you send out to the team daily that will be sharing communication and somebody sharing with you. Maybe you know, you're going to go do a ride along or a desk along and observe a team member's behavior. Then you're going to have communication to share what you observed and then there might be some request communication taken from that. So as you look at these and as they resonate with you and your daily, you know, observation, you're either investing or you're escaping and it's showing up through a request, rejecting something, looking to connect or sharing some form of information and be mindful of how these show up and be very conscious and very aware of when they show up, why they show up, how they show up. If I'm sharing, if I'm involved in a lot of sharing, communication, am I doing that because I want to share the love or am I doing that to stroke my ego? If I'm looking to connect, if I'm looking to connect because I have low self esteem and I have codependency in a relationship and I need to connect, or am I just looking to connect with the greater good of humanity? If I'm rejecting in communication, am I rejecting because something doesn't line up with my own beliefs, something that I think and therefore if it's not my way, it's the highway and I just reject automatically? Or am I rejecting because I've really thought this through and this just doesn't work for me at this moment in time when I'm requesting, my requesting because I want things to be my way again or I want things to be right and there's only one way to win, or am I requesting because I just want to win? I don't want to be right, I just want to win. How do these show up? Request, reject, connect, share. When it comes to the main two reasons for communication, my friend, you're either investing or you're escaping. This week, do yourself a favor, observe yourself. When you get ready to go into a meeting, be mindful, be the watcher of yourself in communication and realize, am I really invested here or man, am I just looking for a way to end this thing so I can get out of this communication? Learn from yourself, observe yourself, love yourself, be aware of this. You are an incredible human being. You're investing in educating and growing yourself. Do me a favor and kick this episode to somebody else that that might be able to get some value. Share this with family, with friends around communication and. And other leaders on your team. Other. Other team members that might go, yeah, sometimes I'm escaping when you're talking to me. Right. So let's be mindful of that. Let's continue to elevate consciousness of humanity together. That's what I'm here to do. And I want to thank you for helping me in my journey and in my quest. Episode 109 there's only two reasons for communication. I'm Kenny Chapman, your host. Until we talk, my friend, make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you next time. Thanks for being here.