115. Have You Lost Control? Do This!

Foreign. Hey, my friend, welcome back to leadership in a nutshell, where we're cracking the code of the gifted, driven mind that you and I both have. This is episode 115, have you lost control? Then do this. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman, and I'm just so honored and so grateful to have you with me again this week. I want to just thank you and ask you to share this community with somebody that you care about. Obviously, I'm coming to you. 10:15. Yeah, sometimes I get a little long winded and passionate. I might go 20 minutes, sometimes even 25, but it's a short snippet, a little shot in the arm for you weekly, where we get a chance to get together and share some positive energy in this chaotic world that we get to live in. And so Today in episode 115, I want to talk about losing control and what to do about it when you get this opportunity. And so when I say, have you lost control? Just check that for yourself. I want you to bounce that off of your own gut for a minute. When I say, hey, man, have you lost control? And you go, what do you mean, Kenny, what, Where? What area? What do you like? In my personal life of the business, of my recruiting, of my overhead, of cost of goods, like what? What do you mean, have you lost control? And I would just say, yeah, have you lost control? You fill in the blank. And when I ask you that question, I want you to pay attention to your physiology. Have you lost control? Let it lay. Something came to mind. Somewhere deep inside, somewhere you felt something physically where it was like, yeah, damn, I did. I yelled at my kids last week. Oh, I lost my composure in a leadership meeting. I spoke forcefully when I. It wasn't really in alignment with me. I fill in the blank, my friend. Have you lost control? And I want you to just be easy with yourself because losing control is a part of the human experience. And we have this amazing opportunity to live in this human experience. And you and I get to do it as leaders and we get to influence the behavior and the feelings and the fulfillment and the ultimate success of other human beings. What a gift and what a responsibility. And so I want to just call this out today because I get to coach some high level executives in the blue collar space and my team of coaches, coaches, everybody from, you know, frontline team to mid level managers to general managers, all the way up to CEOs as well. And I want you to realize we kind of bought into this model of success, if you will, that we gotta be in control. As the leader in the business, we have to have our blank together, right? Gotta have it together. Gotta know what's going on about everything. Gotta this or that, the fill in the blank, you know? Do you really. Do you think you have control over everything that goes on in your life and business? What have you lost control over? I'm gonna keep on just circling back to that because as you think about it, maybe you've already got it in your head and you're like, okay, Kenny, you don't need to ask me that anymore. I'm clear on one. What I want you to get clear on is that it's going to continue to evolve and change, and it's okay. And you get back what you feel you have control over. And you. Yet as you drop deeper into your own authentic consciousness, you realize there's very little that you actually have control over. But you do have some control over how you feel, how you act, how you respond. You don't have control over certain areas of how you look. I don't have control over my gray hair that's coming in, But I do have control over my mindset that believes that I'm going to live to be 146 years old. And I'm only 51, I think. Am I? Yeah, at this time. I think at the time I'm recording this, I'm 51. I got to do the math. I don't care how old I am. I guess, you know, that makes the point. But I don't have control over gravity, certainly working on different areas of my body. But I do have control over making sure I do cardio multiple times a week and getting my mind right and getting my physical body to the best that it can be. I have control over when outside things happen that aren't in my control, how I respond to them. I used to think I was in control of a lot of things. And yet back in, what, March or February. March of 2020, all of a sudden, I realized I don't have control over things. I thought I did. I had money, I had time, freedom. I had relationship freedom. I had freedom of purpose. And I could go anywhere, anytime I want, all over the world. I've got access, I've got ability, I've got freedom. And one day that was, quote, taken away from me, and I wasn't able to do that any longer. And then based on certain laws and beliefs and different things, I could only go here, I could only go there based on certain. Whatever that is. So here's the reality. There's Only certain things you can control. But as a leader, our ego likes to think that we have control over more than we do. Because the ego and you have the small ego and the big ego. I'm talking about the small ego, the one that operates in fear, scarcity, pain, suffering, you know, like division. The one that thinks you're better than other people, the one that thinks you beat competition, the one that thinks that you're the only person that can do the job, that ego. And I'm not minimizing taking away your amazing brilliance and your gifted unique ability. I'm just saying your ego makes certain things bigger than they are. And because of that, your ego thinks that you've got to have control over everything. And I want you to know as a gifted leader, the more you lean into keeping your ego at bay and keeping your authentic abundance in the forefront, the more freedom you're going to have because your team's going to lean into that. Nobody wants to be controlled. And if you feel that you have to control your team, then they're going to feel that as well and you're going to create a scarcity based culture of fear. So when we feel like, man, I've lost control. And you go, well, Kenny, that's a lot different than yelling at my kids. Absolutely. You only yelled at your children because you lost a moment of consciousness and your ego and fear kicked in and you felt like, oh my gosh, I got it. And you reacted. And you react from a state of non presence. When you're presence, you take a moment, you've processed the situation and you respond. And the world is fueled by energy and energy is simply emotion and movement. And when we have energy, like energy is moving all the time and we're sharing energy even though I can't see you and I can't reach out and touch you, we're sharing energy by the audio vibration which is actually happening. I'm speaking into a microphone. You're listening through your airpod or headset or on your computer or in your car. And there's simply a vibration that's taking place which actually forms into the words that you're hearing. Amazing. Think about, I have no control over the frequency or how this thing gets like. It's unbelievable, this life that we live in. And sometimes our ego just tries to make us feel like we're more involved in this. Amazing. We're on a planet spinning zillions of miles an hour through the middle of a galaxy. Like, seriously, my friend, lighten up a little bit. And when you Lose control. Be easy with yourself. And here's what I want you to think about. There's four things I want you to think about today. If you've lost control or if you feel that you don't have control. Number one, awareness is a win. As soon as you become aware, you become conscious. So I lost consciousness. I yelled, you know, for me. Oh. A couple of weeks ago, I was working with my team, and I just kind of came across strong over something, and things are amazing overall. And there was this one little thing that needed some attention, and I was sharing, and then I just went a little. Kind of kept making my point and made it with a little bit of, you know, stronger voice than was necessary. And I left the room and I went to the restroom and I felt my gut because I get present. And I went, man, it. It doesn't feel good. If it doesn't feel good to me, it probably doesn't feel good to my team either. And I went back in the room, said, hey, hang on. Need to clear something up. The way I said this didn't set well with me, and I may not have set well with the rest of you. And hey, just want to make sure that's. That. That. That was out of alignment how I did that. It wasn't my intention. Okay, fine. Hey, I've talked about how to apologize on this podcast before. It wasn't this grandiose thing. I could have left it unsaid for years and years as a leader, I would have left it unsaid. But I don't want to feel it, and I don't want them to feel it. So when you lose control, just realize, number one, get aware, and awareness is a win. Number two, get clear again on what you can control. Decide what you actually have control over. And what you're going to find, my friend, is there is very little outside of you that you actually have control over. Just like Covid taught us, decide what you can control. Number three, put yourself first again. Yes, I'm going to talk about self care, but you got to put yourself first. You can control how much time, effort, energy, and love you give to yourself. Self love is a lost art, and it's time for us to get it back. We have a mental health pandemic going on in this country, epidemic maybe, where, you know, we just. We're losing people to depression. We're losing people to suicide. We're losing people to the crazy mind, if you will. And that's because we're not putting ourselves first. We're not deciding how we want to live this life on our terms, on the things that we can control. So make sure you get back to some form of self care for you that makes sense. And the last thing I would ask you to do is always make sure that you're measuring your progress by looking backward. You measure forward progress by looking backward. And right now I want you to think about where you are in life today. And I want you to go back 10 years. So here we are at the time of this recording. It's June of 22 and what did your life look like June of 2012. And think about how much progress you've made. Think about what has taken place. We were probably on the back end of the recession, kind of coming out of a recession a decade ago. We may be heading into one now. Who knows what exactly is going to take place. But 10 years ago we had weathered a lot of the 0809 into 10 economic challenges, quote, crisis, whatever you want to see. Maybe you were in a different relationship. Maybe your business didn't even exist. Maybe your current role didn't exist. Maybe you've grown as a leader. Maybe you've had added to your family since. Whatever it is, I want you to look back and go, damn, I've come a long way. But when I constantly only look forward, I forget how far I've come. I want you to have goals, I want you to have dreams. I want you to continue to make forward progress, but I want you to have happiness in the process. And every time I look forward, my mentor and friend Dan Sullivan calls it the gap. I've talked about it before. When I look at where I want to go, I create a gap. And most people live their entire lives in that gap. You get out of the gap by looking back and going, damn, I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself and it feels good. And if I lost my stuff last week, hey, that's okay. Maybe I lost it this morning. It's okay now you're aware of it. Awareness is a win. Decide what you can control. Put yourself first again. Focus on self care and measure forward by looking backward at where you've come, my friend. Do those things. Free yourself up, lean into your greatness. You've got this. Do me a favor, kick this episode to somebody that can use it today. Continue helping us grow our influence in our community, on leadership in a nutshell. Until we talk again, make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you real soon. Thank you.