126. Are You Talking Yourself To Death?

Foreign. Welcome back to Leadership in a Nutshell, where we're cracking the code of the driven mind. And you and I both have a very driven mind, and that's why we enjoy sharing some time together each and every week. So this week, episode 126, and the episode title is a question. Are you talking yourself into failure? Think about that for a moment. Are you talking yourself into failure? Now, immediately you're going to go, no, of course not, Kenny. Why would I do that? Well, of course you wouldn't intentionally do that, but subconsciously, you may be running a program that is utilizing words that are talking yourself right into failure. And I believe in this so much that I believe some people are actually talking themselves to death. And that's right. I think, based on what you say, radically impacts, if not more than any other thing, the quality of your life. And sometimes, if not always, the length of your life. So do me a favor, give this episode a moment. Like, make sure if you've got other distractions going, if you're doing a bunch of different things, that's cool, but maybe earmark this and come back to this, or do just clear your head from some of the other mind noise. If you're driving right now, whatever you're doing to continue to elevate your consciousness, because, my friend, this episode can change your life. I'm that passionate about that. I'm that serious about that, that what you are saying completely impacts your life, those around you, your level of peace, your level of fulfillment, your level of fulfillment, financial success, your level of relationship quality. Everything in your life has to do with your words, because words are beliefs. Write that down. If you're in a place to write, write that down. Your words are beliefs. And so when you think about words being beliefs, I spend a lot of time sharing with you different concepts. We get together every week to think about our thinking together here on this podcast. And. And certainly we address limiting beliefs a fair amount. But I really want you to think about words being limiting beliefs. And so what are the limiting words that you're using? And they just come from programming. So set yourself free and be easy with yourself here today. I'm not gonna. This isn't gonna be a super long episode. I just wanna go direct and give you some things to think about with some action items to change your life forever. Because once you're aware of this, once you get this into your selective attention and your reticular activating system, the part of the brain that filters things, you will start being a little more mindful if not a lot more mindful about what you say and what's easier than what we say ourselves is to pick it up in other people. And I know periodically with my leadership advisory clients or my life architecture clients that I do high level work with, sometimes they're like, man, you don't miss anything. I'm always mirroring back to them things that they say because it's not about me telling them what to do, it's about what they're telling themselves. And so when you tell yourself certain things, you are going to manifest those and they will actually happen. And so think about conversations with your peers. Earlier this year, I. Well, actually it's been, yeah, it's been almost a year now that I. Now that I think about when I'm recording this. Cause it happened around Labor Day last year. I was in a position where I needed to change a long term relationship in my own life because it became toxic. And it became toxic because there was no value proposition two ways. And so relationships have to do with specific reasons, they have to do with specific seasons. And periodically they can happen for lifetime. And if it's not familial relationships, I think that's a word. But if it's not, then I made it up. But if they're not family relationships, a lot of us have lifelong relationships with family members. But would you choose some of those if they weren't family? That's a whole nother dynamic. But the lifetime relationships that are chosen and exist because they create value are what I call transformational relationships. So there's transactional relationships where I have something, you have that you want, you have something that I want, or whatever that case is, even if it's so. And those are great, they happen all the time and they're for a reason. And, and they. I would say my first two marriages were very transactional. They both served their purpose. I brought a certain level of value, each of them brought a certain level of value. But once the transaction had run its course, that was it. Now I have a very strong belief that in my third marriage and final, I believe with the lovely Christie, we are in a transformational relationship. And so we're evolving in the human experience individually, but we're also sharing what we're learning and what we're going through individually, not from a codependent place, but from an interdependent place. And so we transform our lives together. And that is why I believe, when we've been, at the time of recording this, almost 15 years, married 16 and some change together. And gone through my deep, dark periods and some of my challenging times. And she saw me through my addiction challenges and then years now of sobriety and the different changes that I've made in my life. That's because we've been transformational. She's had on her end many, many challenges that she's gone through. And I won't voice those for her here because this is my podcast, not hers. So I'll, I'll share openly about myself, but, but that's not, it's not my place to share some of those. But I'll just say she has radically transformed her own life situation as well. And so what we've learned through these things and what I learned in business is that a lot of that has to do with your word belief system. That happens subconsciously and it's programmed by our parents early on. Most of our programming happens by the time we're about 8 years old. And so what's thought and what's talked about in the household and how you're where you develop your money mindsets, where you develop your relationship mindsets, where you develop your spirituality mindsets, a lot of those things get just programmed in, plug in, download the software into us. And then sometimes we spend a lifetime trying to reconcile, trying to understand, trying to justify, trying to believe ourselves, trying to maybe unravel with therapy or coaching or whatever the case may be. But I want you to just think today about the words that you use and are you talking yourself into failure? Are you talking yourself into mediocrity? When you talk to anybody on my team, and my team knows anybody, from our newest hire to our longest team member, people know that I do not love mediocrity. I'm just not a fan of mediocrity. I would rather you try full out, play full out and completely suck at something than to be mediocre. And mediocrity comes from accepting less than mentality. It's accepting scarcity mentality and it's backing it up with the words and languaging of a limiting belief system. And so you think about your peer conversations and I had to move away from that relationship that I had last year because the peer conversations were just all negative. And it was all about government or politics or Covid back then or the different things and how, how shitty life is. And it's not. Life is incredible and life has never been better than it is today. And it was never better than it was back then when I was having those conversations. And it was never better than, than when I was struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. It was never better than. Than before I met the lovely Christy, and it was never better. Once I met the lovely Chris, it was never better than it's ever been because I continue to learn and evolve. And that's when I believe that God lets you go to the next level of your own awareness of the next. I believe life is a lot like a video game. And don't make me play Galaga against you, because I will whip that ass, my friend. I'm just playing. But no, I can play some Galaga. No, that just shows the power of the subconscious. I can just kind of picture in my head when. When to get beamed up by the other flies or whatever, to. To get my second spaceship back and double shots and whatever. I digress. But my point is the power of the subconscious and it's. Life is like a video game where you just. Okay, you complete that level, you've learned what you needed, you get the education, you understand it, and you're able to apply it. Now. Now we get to go to another level. And another level isn't a better level, though. Meaning that you're not better than somebody else because you've elevated your consciousness. You've just elevated your consciousness and somebody else hasn't. So my buddy that I, that I've kind of moved away from, I'm not better than him by any stretch. And I don't want anybody to think or feel that in any way, shape or form, or if and if he finds his way to listen to this episode. I love you, brother. And I have no judgment. I have nothing but love for you and nothing but respect for you. And we just have different desires in life and we have different programming, and I continue to program my way in a different. In my life, in a different manner. And that's okay. We're all here to do our very best. And we're all doing our very best. So today is really about where you're talking yourself into failure, where you're talking yourself into poverty, where you're talking yourself into pain, where you're talking yourself into struggle, where you're reinforcing, forcing agreements of struggle, pain, negativity, whatever those are, and check it and realize when you do it. So check this out. Have you ever said, oh, man, that sucks. That'll kill me, really? What are we talking about here? Being on call? I mean, I remember when I. When I started my business back, way back in 94, and I was on call 247 for two years straight, it sucked. I did not Enjoy it. But it was, it was literally one of the, if not the reason that I get to sit here and enjoy being in a badass studio, sharing time with you, with the opportunity to now podcast with you. Because the experience that I've gained in business, in relationship, that was a necessary component. But there was more than once that I was like, oh, my God, this is going to kill me if I get one more call today. It's going to kill me. That was bs, so stop it. And that just delays the growth that's there for you. It doesn't mean you got to love it. I'm not telling yourself to play tricks on your mind. I'm just saying be honest with yourself. It's not going to kill you. I was on with one of my executive clients a couple weeks ago and I jumped on and I said, so talk to me. Where do you want to kick off today? I always start with a positive focus. And then where do you. Because my coaching is not about me bringing you a bunch of stuff. It's about working with high level people that are going, yeah, I know, I need help in here, here and here. And you bring me things for me to help ask you questions and simplify in your mind. So I said, what's the positive focus? We talked about that. And then where do you want to jump in today? Where do you want to start? And he said, oh, man, the last couple weeks has been crazy. I'm just running around with a chicken with my head. Like a chicken with my head cut off. And I said, whoa, dude, no, hang on. Are you serious? You're about to die, bro. Like, you're about to die. And he's like, he kind of chuckled a little bit and he's like, oh, man. And he said, have you ever seen that? Have you ever seen a chicken? I'm like, yeah. I remember when my uncle was raising chickens and we would go over there and there was the big old elm tree stump that the elm had been cut down, and the stump is where they stuck the chicken down and chopped its head off. And it took off and it flew and ran into the walls and did different, all this stuff, and then it fricking died. Are you really running around like a chicken with your head cut off? Because if that's true, then you're about to die. I don't think that's true. I think that sensational vocabulary that's been unconsciously adopted to, for your ego to justify how busy, how important, how crazy things for you at this moment in time. Now I Do this all lovingly. And I care about every one of my clients enough to tell them the truth in certain ways. And of course, I'm saying it here with you in a way. And of course we broke it down, but the reality is, where else does that show up? And he's like, okay, I get it. And that's it. Just have awareness. How about, man, the last two weeks have been super busy. I've had an opportunity to learn a lot. I've had an opportunity to not get a lot of things done that I had planned or. Which also teaches me a lot. And what a gift that I'm basically overwhelmed at the moment and have an opportunity to learn from this, from this moment in my life and in my business and in my relationships. Truth. Hmm. Am I very busy? Do I have a lot going on? Have I possibly put more on my plate than had planned? Have some certain things not really gone the way that I wanted? Or am I running around like a chicken with its head cut off because I'm about to die? I think we need to check these things, my friend. So just be mindful of how this shows up. And when I said, I think people are talking themselves to death. My mentor, Dan Sullivan, he's in his late 70s now, 78 years old and still going strong and writing a book every quarter and all those things. And he's the one that originally said to me, people talk themselves to death. And I went, man, that's so true and lovely. Christy and I were on our five week trip this summer and we were up in Whitefish, Montana, and I was in a natural grocery store and there was this gentleman that was a little bit older than me or 20, some 20, 18 years older than me. And talking to the clerk, and the Clerk said, oh, Mr. Jones, I understand you've been having some health challenges. And the gentleman said, yes, son, it sucks to be 70. Don't get to be 70. And the clerk said, oh, I don't plan on it. And I went, damn. And I looked at Christy and I was like. Just because I'd been talking about this concept with her about how important what we say. And here's this clerk that's like in his early 30s saying, oh, I don't plan to make it to 70. And my friend, I think that hits me so hard because I lived the better part of my adult life with voicing and saying out loud that I don't plan to make it past 40. And so when I hit 40, and I was really kind of trying to sort out my Mindset, my driven mind, what I thought was a gift and a curse of my adhd, edt, whatever, all the letters you want to put in front of my name, or if you want to give me some formal diagnosis of a very driven mind. Before I learned about meditation, before I became sober, before I started working, working through a lot of different things, I started toying with the idea that maybe life is worth living a little longer. And I had met the lovely Christie by then. And I start going, damn. When I, when I think about it, I did that. And that's probably why this is so powerful to me and why now I, I'm going to live to be 146 years old. That's my, that's my number. And as I sit here at the moment, I'm recording this, I mean, two weeks before my 52nd birthday on the planet, I'm barely a third of the way. And I believe that. And I don't say that to kid you or trick you. I believe the day that I got sober, I said to Christy, I will rewire every cell in my body. I will recondition and create new cells to where this body will never look like I had an alcohol or a drug problem ever again. And I've completely redone just re, like from the brain. All my blood tests are great, my blood pressure's great, my cholesterol is great. Like, everything is great now. Why? Because. Is it because I talk myself into it? I certainly take care of myself. I work at these things. Can I do better in certain areas? Sure. I'm not the staple of. I'm not the perfect. I'm not saying that. But what I'm saying is when I changed my, my brain, I had to change my words. And that changes everything. So when I knew that when I would say, oh, I, I'm not going to make it to 40, there was something within me that, that had a disconnect with that belief system or I wouldn't have made it. And now there's something in me that knows with technology, with medicine, with the way things are going, with, I just heard the other day, 105 is the new 70. And I, I, I've got a group of peers that thinks 50 is a old. And it just, I'm, I'm better now than I was in my 20s. Like, not that I don't ever have back pain or neck pain or something, but I know then it's just a trigger. Do more cardio, do more yoga, make sure I'm stretching, take care of my body. Get out and hike. Do the things that keep me active. Those are the gifts that I get. But don't talk yourself into failure. Oh, this sucks. Oh, there's no good team members. Oh, I can't hire. Oh, marketing is tough. This business is tough. This is difficult. Nobody wants to work. The younger generation is bs, Whatever those are. Listen to yourself. Check yourself. Oh, that's not me. Have you said that? Oh, I can't. Have you said that? How about unbelievable? My God, we just had an unbelievable month. Really? Because I think you just had the month, so I'm pretty sure it's believable. How about incredible, man, we just had an incredible month. We smashed budget. We've had the best year ever. It's incredible. It's phenomenal. It's exciting, it's awesome. It's planned. It's the way it is. How about that? Not unbelievable. So think about where you're saying, what you're saying these things. So here's what I want you to do. Four things. Number one, heighten your awareness. Just become like, massively more aware of what you're saying and what other people are saying and don't hold them accountable. I only do that with my clients. And okay, sometimes the lovely Christy. But like, hey, you just said this. I want to make sure that that's true or that's a belief. And I think it was last episode I was talking about where I changed my. One of my words. I stopped saying work or I'm in the process of reconditioning my brain. I don't use the word work because so many people, like, I love, quote work. I love what I do for a living, but I don't do it for a living. I do it because I love it. And I do it because I enhance lives. And I do it because you're getting value today or you wouldn't be here and you keep coming back. And do me a favor, Give me a rating. Give me a review that helps us on Apple. Apple doesn't care if you listen. They care if you give us a review. Well, they do care if you listen to, I guess, but not as much as a review or a rating, but. But nonetheless, I do this because I love it. I do it because it's part of my. My purpose on the planet to elevate human consciousness in the blue collar space. So that's part of why I do this. But when I say, oh, I'm going to go to work, other people develop this negative connotation. And as I want to increase and influence Consciousness. Now I say, oh, I get to create today. Oh, I'm going to go to the studio. Oh, I'm going to go create. But it's Sunday. Why would you go work on a Sunday? Well, because I get to create on Sunday because I might have a trip coming up or I might be going to do something, or I traveled for two and a half months this summer, so sometimes I batch work and it happens to land on weekends. And then I might take Tuesday off when somebody else, whatever that is, I don't need to justify. I want what I want because I want it. If you want to not work on Sunday, don't work on Sunday, whatever that is for you. But I just look at those things. So heighten your awareness of what you're saying and what others are saying around you, number one. Number two, just listen. Listen to what you're saying when I say heighten your awareness. Now just really listen and be mindful. Become the observer of yourself, if you will. And the third thing, once you've heightened your awareness and you're listening to yourself very intently, make sure you're journaling. And yes, I'm a fan of journaling. Yes, I've recorded a lot of episodes where I'll mention it or talk about it, and I will continue to do so because it's an incredibly powerful tool that I started and stopped a zillion times. I don't know how many a zillion is. There's one of those powerful words, a lot. How about that? I won't sensationalize the word. I started and stopped more times than I can count. Okay. Off the top of my head. And now that I have a daily practice, it's just massively instrumental for me. Now, if you're not down to start doing it month or daily, I should say maybe try weekly. Maybe try on a Saturday morning, grab a cup of coffee and just sit down and jot down some things that came to mind. Some. And places where you were in integrity, where you spoke out of integrity a little bit. Something didn't resonate. Something did resonate. Whatever that looks like, give it a shot. And last, I'll leave you with. Release it quickly. When you do say something that doesn't resonate with you, you'll start realizing in your gut you'll say something and go, huh, that's not an integrity. Or that's not what I meant to say. And I'll do that with the lovely Christy now or my leadership team or other team members on AT Blue Collar. And I'll just Go. Hang on. Wait. That's not what I meant to say. Right. And several episodes back, I recorded a couple episodes about. About apologizing. And sometimes if I say something and I don't catch it in time or it resonant, maybe you need to go back and apologize. It's like I'm doing the best I can. I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I don't need guilt. I don't. I don't need to beat myself up or kick my own ass. I just. Man, I just said something out of old conditioning. That doesn't make sense. It doesn't represent who I am. It was a moment of lapse of consciousness and I said something based on old conditioning. That's it. So when you do those things, sometimes you don't even need to apologize? I'm just saying for yourself, be easy with yourself. Heighten your awareness. Listen to yourself. Journal daily, or at least start weekly. Give it a shot and release quickly. When you're not in integrity with something that you say, be mindful. Pay attention to these things, my friend. What you say matters and it radically impacts your life, positively and negatively. I'm your host. Leadership in a nutshell, my friend. Thank you so much for being here. Episode 126 are you talking yourself into failure? If you are, stop it. Share this episode with somebody that can get value. Until we talk. Make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you real soon. Thank you, Sam.