138. Letting Go of Past Mistakes

Foreign. Hey, my friend. Welcome back to the show. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. Leadership in a nutshell. We're cracking the code of the driven mind. You and I both have it. It's right up here and it is rocking and rolling for us and sometimes challenging us. Let's be super clear. So today we're together for episode 138. I'm super excited to be with you. Episode 138, letting go of past mistakes. And I want to put mistakes in air quotes because I personally don't believe in mistakes. I believe in information. I believe in feedback. I believe in results. But the world has to put a label on it. And I say the world. Globally, people that we associate with, work with our own selves, our subconscious, our conditioning. What happens is we set a goal, we. We define an intention, and we set out to go accomplish something, to create an accomplishment, achievement, whatever it is. And we get to this point of like, okay, cool, I'm, I'm going to do this thing. And it doesn't work out. And we get frustrated and we get upset and we get pissed off and we yell and curse and scream and all the different things, and we go, oh, I suck. I'm a failure. I made mistakes. I've done bad things in my life. And our ego finds a way to kick our own butt. And one of the things that I do here in this show, as you know, for our new listeners, welcome aboard. Put on your seat belt. Because we talk about mindset and leadership in a nutshell, period. The better of a human being you become, the better you're able to lead. And all of us are leaders. I don't care how old you are, how young you are, if you own a business, if you manage a business, if you're the newest team member in a company, you are leading, you're leading yourself, you're leading your family, you're leading projects, whatever that is. So leadership in a nutshell, really here encompasses everybody and everything that we do. And I've seen recently a bit of a trend around mistakes and people feeling that they make specific mistakes or that you can't overcome mistakes or something that I've done 8, 10, 12, 15 years ago defines me. And, and I've, I've seen this recently from some work I was doing with somebody around something that happened 20 years ago and is viewed and perceived as a mistake by both society and by this individual. And it, and it pains my heart when I see people that hold themselves to an unrealistic standard, and I say, it's an unrealistic standard because you have got to make mistakes in order to grow. You've got to have what the world calls mistakes because it's called taking action. And when we do things, we have life experience or business experience, which is just a part of life experience, let's be clear. But we have experiences that take place, and then from that we're able to learn. And I believe that the pain that we feel from what the world would call a mistake, or not getting what we want or not getting what we desire, I personally believe that that pain level is direct correlation with the lesson that we've learned. So have I done dumb things in my life? What the world would say, dumb things? Yes. Have I done what I believe are necessary dumb things in my life? Yes. I needed to do things. I needed to. To sell drugs at a time in my life. I needed to go to jail at a time in my life. I needed to join the military to stay out of a longer term of jail. I needed to go to the Gulf War. I needed to have different experiences. I needed to own, what is it now, 10 different businesses in five different industries. And I talk about two or three of those, right? Because I've just had these different. What the world would say, oh, those are failures, those are mistakes. I needed to have previous marriages. I needed to have financial pain. I needed to grow up wearing secondhand clothes and then get into credit card debt as a young entrepreneur. I needed to have tax issues When I finally started making money and didn't set enough aside. I needed those things. And so do you, and so does the team around you. So does the people around you. We all have our stuff, and we need our stuff because it's the raw material for our growth. And so I want you to be super mindful of that. And today I just wanted to come to you kind of quick and. And out of the gate with just some thoughts around. How do I navigate this? Kenny? Okay, I hear what you're saying. I'm not sure if I totally buy it yet. And that's fair. We're here to. To challenge each other. And. And it's okay. I just. I just. I'm here to open your mind. I'm not here to tell you what to think, what to feel, what to do. I'm here for you to uncover your own greatness. I believe. You know, I believe in your gut. You. You have your truth. I believe your future self has your truth. I believe Source energy has your truth. I believe in all these things, but I believe that we have to find it for ourselves. And so today, I want to share just four things with you when it comes to the best ways to let go of what the world calls past mistakes. Number one, write this down if you're in a place to write. Number one, it's allow feeling without judgment. So I've, I've done something, I've wronged somebody. I, I acted out of integrity, whatever it is, and however long ago it was, maybe it happened six months ago, maybe it happened six years ago, maybe it happened 16 years ago or 36 years ago. But there was a time that you acted out of congruency, out of judgment, out. Out of poor judgment, I should say out of. Out of congruency with yourself. And you got challenged by that, and you got frustrated with that. And now when you think about that, you have feelings around it. Allow those feelings to come up, but just don't judge yourself when they come up. The pain is in the judgment. The pain is when you kick your own butt. The pain is when your ego says, you suck. You're terrible. I can't believe you did this. Or I can believe you did this because you're not a high quality individual, whatever that is. Just allow the feeling of. Ah, doesn't feel good. Ah, that's painful. Oh, I don't, I don't like that. It's okay not to like things and still move forward in personal growth and development. So you allow the feeling, but don't judge it, don't label it, don't make it good or bad or sad or indifferent. I just feel this. It doesn't feel right. That's okay. Number one, allow feeling without judgment. Number two, write this down. Feelings are not facts. Feelings are not facts. In fact, the reality is that, you know, we're taught certain things to be true. And I've talked about it on this podcast that how wrecked I was back in the day. You know, I was taught the, the planets and all the different things, and Pluto was a planet. And then one day, what has it been, 15, 20 years ago now, they said, oh, by the way, we have new information and Pluto is not a planet. And I went, wait a minute. That, that, that wrecks me. That's an absolute fact. Well, here's the, here's the reality. Feelings are not facts. They're feelings and they're real and they're raw and they're truthful, but they're rooted in emotion, and it's just how you feel. And they're fleeting, they transition, they move. They're a moving Target. And so when I think about this mistake that I made, and I'm just going to use the word for, for our communication today, just reminding you that I don't believe in mistakes. But I, I do this thing that I'm not proud of and I have a feeling about it, but that's not a fact. It's not truth, it's not all encompassing reality. It's just how I feel and allow that. So I'm not going to judge the, the feeling and then I'm not, I'm also going to realize it's not a fact. It does. It's not tried and true and has to be this way forever. Okay, then we move on to number three. Feeling and acting are two different things. And I want you to be super clear about this, meaning that how I feel about it and now my action moving forward, those are different. So how I, how I feel about something that I did, that's okay. I'm gonna allow myself to feel that. If it doesn't feel good, great. You know, I, I remember a couple years ago, I, I, I was working on my growth and my development and, and I, I said something that embarrassed the lovely Christy, the love of my life, my shining star, my connection in so many ways on the planet and in, in universe. I, it's, it's my human experience connection. I'll say I have a source energy connection, I have a divine connection with God. I, I have this human connection with the lovely Christie that I, that I don't have with any other human being, never have had with anybody. Even though I've had other intimate relationships in my life, I've never experienced anything like this. And I said something that embarrassed her and it was completely out of congruency for me. It was a terrible thing at a terrible moment in time. And I worked with my own coaching group around that. And I thought about it and I worked on it, I journaled on it, I meditated on it, and I had to set myself free from it because I was doing the best that I could. But what happened is what my, my sobriety coach ended up teaching me a concept around dry drunk syndrome is what, what it's called. And in sobriety, I, I acted as though I, I was still, you know, in, in my addiction world. And I wasn't in my addiction world at that time. I had already left that place. But I still had conditioning around it and I still had ego around it. So I was trying to be funny and smart and get people to like me. And I said some dumb that wasn't cool, period. And it didn't feel good right when I said it. And I knew it and I saw the look on her face and I went, oh my God, I've wrecked her. And I've wrecked me. Because I acted out of congruency and it was super challenging for both of us. And we talked about it at length and I worked on it and we circled back and all those different things. But that feeling doesn't mean it's the same as the action. So feelings and actions are two different things. Okay, so first off, I've got to allow the feeling without judgment. The second thing I had to do is realize the feelings aren't full facts. Because I did this doesn't mean I'm going to do it in the future. Tied to feeling and acting are two different things. And then the last thing where most people don't get. A lot of people can work on these first three when it comes to a mistake. No, I, I get it, Kenny. I, I know I was, I was acting out of, out of certain ways and, and think about, you know, as many years as I drank and I smoked and in the, trying to escape and, and really using the tools that were available to me to, to manage my driven mind and to manage my fear and to manage my ego. And so during those times I would say things out of congruency, but guess what? I always had alcohol to blame it on. I was always, oh, I was, I was effed up or I was trashed or I was whatever it is, right? When we think about, about those things, like now that, now that I live a life of sobriety, I don't have that scapegoat, if you will. If I say some dumb shit, I said some dumb shit. And that's all there is to it. So the fact is now I, I, I act out of my ego, showed up, previous conditioning showed up, whatever that is. So I still, I still say things that, that don't make the most sense or aren't in, in alignment with my highest self, but my highest self is in evolution. And so I have to make mistakes. I have to do things that don't make sense so I can realize those don't make sense and then I can move forward. So the fourth thing, write this down. When it's over, let it be over. And that's what I would encourage you. Where many of us get stuck and we get challenged is that we hang on to these things and we allow things to continue and we allow to carry forward. And that's why we don't learn from past trauma. That's why we don't learn from, quote, mistakes that we've made. That's why we don't learn from failures that happen. And you know, here we are, the wrapping up the end of 2022, heading into 23, which all indicators are saying is going to be a, a quote down year in business and consumer spending and consumer confidence and a recession and real estate's right, you know, reeling back and all these different things are, are taking place and, and all these things. So we're going to have an experience, whatever that is. And those of us that have been in business for longer than 10, 15, 20 years, we, we had the opportunity of going through the Great Recession. And many people that have been, you know, if you're a centurion, you've lived over a hundred years, you remember going through the Great Depression and what some of that looks like. And, and then we have these, the little ones in between of, you know, 2001 and different, there's been different times in the 80s where. But whatever it is, we have experiences and we have lessons to learn. And what I want you to really take away with you today is that once you get the value of the mistake, then release it, Let it go. When it's over, let it be over. There's no more gold to be had. It's like the mine has dry. The well is dry, if you will. I've tapped this oil well and it's full of my mistakes and, and pain and struggle and, and trauma and drama. And once I learn something from each one of those, it's like when you see a, an oil rig that's got to move there, there's nothing left there. That's what's true about your mistake. But the ego keeps it alive. Our ego wants to keep on going and go. Well, I don't know, if we drill sideways a little bit, if we go into this other nook or cranny, maybe there's something there. No, when you got what you got, that's it. Release it. When it's over, let it be over. Sometimes that's when you apologize to someone else or yourself. That's when you have done the journaling and done the lesson work where you really understand why you acted this way, why you did this thing, why you put your family in a financial hardship, why you took a certain risk, whatever it is, hey, call it what it is. A lot of people around me and my, some of my mentors, even in my family have, have had a A challenging time with how I've lived my life to this point where it's like, man, Kenny just does things and they don't work out and he moves on. And that's because of my relationship with failure. I just don't buy it. I might buy a motorhome, and then we use it for a summer, and I decide I want to sell it. I might buy a car and, oh, but you took a hit on depreciation. I took whatever it is what it is. I. That's. That's it. I'm. That's what I'm doing is I'm living my life, and that's how I choose to go. So the world says, man, what a failure. You bought that vehicle and sold it a year later. Look at all the money you lost. Well, look at the life experience I had. That's how I choose to look at it. Look at the business I started and realize, I don't want to be in that business. Look at the direction I took the company and went, wow, I don't want to do that. Look at the team members I brought in and went, holy smokes, they're not a fit here. Look at whatever it is. Fill in the blank for you and it's over. Release it. Don't keep it alive. I'm fascinated when I hear people talk about, well, I remember back when and all these different things. That's fine. Remember that from a point of gratitude and nothing else. And then you release and move forward. If you're thinking about previous mistakes, if you're thinking about how terrible things used to be, if you're thinking about how because I did this in the past, my future is not going to be as solid or strong. Release it. Focus on these four things. Letting go of past mistakes. Number one, allow feeling without judgment. Number two, feelings are not facts, my friend. Number three, feeling and acting are two different things. Number four, when it's over, let it be over, my friend. Have some fun. Life is too short to be at war with yourself. Let's be clear about that. Let me say that again. Life is too short to be at war with yourself. Release those past mistakes. Let's move forward. Let's make the rest of 22 your greatest and all of 23, or whenever you're listening to this, your greatest year ever. Until we talk, make it a better than fantastic week. Thank you for being with me. Give us a rating. Give us a review. Give. Give us a like. If there's a comment that you can be had. Whatever platform here, tell us what you think until we talk. Make it a better and fantastic week, and I'll see you real soon. Thank you, Sam.