140. Drop Your Obsession With Extremes

Foreign. Hey my friend. Welcome back to the show. Leadership in a nutshell, cracking the code of the driven mind. I'm super honored to have you today. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman and it's great to just jump together and today we're, we're on episode 140, believe it or not. Episode 140. Drop your obsession with extremes. And I want to honor you for showing up, spend a little time with me here today. This is just our weekly shot where we get 10, 15. I know sometimes I run 20 minutes. There might be an episode or two in there where I went 25, but this is a solo cast where it just gives me an opportunity to, to share some insight, to share some thought, to share some perspective with you. And you know, we, we may, we may have guests on in the future, we may do a different show with guests on, but I, I, I know that I, I love the opportunity to connect with you and just give you a, a snapshot, give you a chance to, to think about your thinking a little bit. So today I want to challenge you around extreme thinking. And now this, this comes from an individual. I am a very driven minded individual. I have, I believe it's one of the reasons I had some of my addiction problems or, or challenges, I should say, not, not problems, but opportunities that I had in, in my life to manage some of those things that, you know, I, I'm just gotta go, gotta go. I'm just, you know, the, the monkey brain and going all these different directions and I gotta accomplish, I gotta go, I gotta do. I, and I realized through a lot of personal development work that I did a lot of spiritual growth that I've done a lot of reflection, a lot of, you know, working in, in coaching groups, what I call Authentic Life Architecture. Like I believe in living an authentic life and, and I, I now run a group called Authentic Life Architecture where we all share openly and, and really just work on, on helping each other be a better version of our, of ourselves. And I, I do these things because I've, I've realized that a lot of my accomplished seeking was ego based on, and, and I, I'm, I, you know, I talk about the ego a lot on, on this podcast if you've been with me for a while. And I'll continue to do so because it's one of those things that challenges us. Last week when I talked about friction, I, I really didn't dive into how much the ego creates friction because it needs, it needs to, it hates contentment, it needs to fight it needs division, it needs separation, it needs to try to win, it needs competition, it needs all those different things to, to try to stay alive. And it's like, okay, well that's fine. It is what it is. And I, I, I had a life experience recently that really I just wanted to, to jump on in, in today's episode and share with you because kind of exposed some thinking for me that didn't resonate with me and I wanted to share it with you. It happened with a buddy of mine that, that was in town and I was doing some whiteboarding with him, helping him through a, a business model shift that he's, that he's making and some different things. He's not in our industry, he's not in the trades at all. And so he's a younger guy. Younger than meaning like he's, he's in his mid-30s and, and he's a, he's a, you know, moonshot kind of guy. And, and I'm, I'm not against moonshots by the way. Let me paraphrase this with. I'm, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a moonshot. I, I, I attend part of Peter Diamandis Abundance 360 event every year. I, I do my best to attend that virtually. I, I'll probably go in person sometime, but it's never laid out where it worked for me to go live. Um, you know, I, I believe in, in, in challenging yourself and doing your best and those types of things. But I have a challenge with this obsession with extremes and it, and it got exposed where, you know, I, I, I really started my thinking and it's been about a month now. I've been processing this before I, I shared it with you because I really wanted to make some sense out of it myself before I share. And that's part of our time together is sharing openly and, and what this means. And I've, I've realized that our society right now has an obsession with extremes. Everything has to be an extreme. It's like there's extreme sports and extremes in business and extremes and you know, relationships and let's, let's just look at what the dictionary. This is from the Oxford Dictionary. Extreme reaching a high or the highest degree. Very great. So like extreme cold or the furthest from the center or a given point. The outermost is what is what the dictionary says about extreme. And when you think about that in business and in life in general, I want to challenge you a little bit. And please understand I'm not, I'M not condoning you being anything less than what you can be. I believe when Abraham Maslow said what, what we can become, we must become. And I, and I think that there's, there's, you're, you're in your own conscious evolution process to become what you're here to become. And many of us in business do this through business. I believe it's one of the reasons I've been an entrepreneur since I was 23 years old. That's the platform that I found that worked. It's where I, I, I get exposed the most. It's where I learn the most. It's where I, I create the most challenges for myself and those around me. Sometimes, let's be clear, it's where I, I meet the people that think like me and that don't think like me. It just happens to be my platform. And so as I see things evolve in, in the industry and I'll speak specifically around home service, we've developed this, this like infatuation or this obsession if you will, with extreme. It's like, well, if I don't have a hundred million dollar company, then I suck. Oh well, if, if I'm not on social media non stop as a coach, you know, and I'm not dogging anybody for doing anything, there's a lot of valuable information out there and I used to be the guy that was on social media every single day. You, you don't see me, I, I hope you find this recording and I, and I hope you're able to, to, to catch this either, either in video form or here on the podcast. But I'm not out there all the time anymore because it doesn't serve me, it doesn't give me good energy. But doing things like this where I can spend some quality time with you and have a deeper conversation, I do get value from this. But there's an extreme that I've got to have the most followers on social media. I've got to have the biggest business in my market. Wait a minute, my market's not big enough. I got to have the biggest one in the state. Oh, wait a minute, my state's not big enough. I got to have the big. And, and one of my best friends created one of the, For a while it was the largest single held company in, in the United States of America and I, I love him for that and I condone that for him and for his. Why did he do it? Because it was part of his conscious evolution. It was part of his growth. The challenge I have with it is so many people that it's not part of their conscious evolution growth. They looked at it and said, me too, in a way, for lack of better term. And they said, oh, I better go do that. And. And everybody's doing the best they can. There's no such thing as good people or bad people. There's only people that are evolving in different ways, different shapes, different forms. I'm not judging anybody. Please understand that. What I want to do is expose a mental concept for you that might be a mental construct of your brain where you're like, I suck if I'm not the best. So we go back to my whiteboard session. I'm with my buddy, we're whiteboarding out this business model for him. And he's like, I've got to do this, and it's got to be the greatest of all time. And I have to be the guy that did the most of this and the most of that. And I said, hang on a minute. Why do you. Why do you feel you have to be the best at it? And he said, you're not listening. I didn't say the best. I said that I'm gonna be the most epic. And I went, okay, fair. So then why do you feel you have to be the most epic? What does epic mean to you? Well, epic means that I've created more of this and more of that more. And I'm like, okay, dude, so let's. I'm not robbing you from that. That's fine. But you're not able to pay your bills right now. You're struggling financially right now, so how about we find a level of security and then we build from there and on. On this. On this show, you hear me talk about, you know, Maslow's hierarchy of. Of needs. And I like that, that model. And it goes all the way up to, you know, self actualization is at the top of the pyramid. And then I believe there's transcendence from there. When we become self actualized, then we actually transcend. And where I can take the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness can be me, joy can be all encompassing. So I think it's the next level of things. And so it just really hit me when he was so adamant about it. It's like, it's gotta be the best or nothing, right? And. And I think about how I used to live my life, and I was, you know, I'll. I'll date myself a little bit. Def Leppard had a song back in the 80s, or I guess they still Have a song. But I might have been in the. In the Rock of Ages tune where my 80s fans out there. But it's better to burn out than fade away was the lyric. And I loved that lyric because I was trying to outpace my past and I was trying to. To do something to. To justify my existence as a teenager and different things like that. And I. And I just think about that today. Yes, I've got a different perspective. I'm in my. I'm in my 50s now, so I see that. And it's not about chronological time. It's about spiritual time. It's about. It's about conscious time. And I'm a baby when it comes to conscious time. I feel as though I was reborn on this planet a little over three years ago when I completely changed the way I live my life. And it's been amazingly incredible. And I'm obsessed with conscious evolution. But I don't have to be the most consciously evolved of all time, and I don't have to have the biggest and best of everything all the time. And some of you. This is challenging right now because you go, well, why would I do it if I can't do it? Great. And here's what I would say to you. Anything worth doing is worth doing poor in the beginning. And I don't recall where I. Where I read that or who I heard that from or whatever. It's not a. It's not my original by any stretch, but it really hit me and I went, man. So what that means is whatever stage you are in your business career right now, it's okay to be right where you're at, and it's okay to have intention to grow, and it's okay to want to be the biggest. I. I ran a service business that I was the biggest and most profitable in my entire market all the way Western Colorado. We were by far the dominating force. I love that. I. That was awesome. If I was still running that business, that still would be the reality. I sold that. And whatever that reality is now for her, that that's exactly what it's supposed to be. But I. I realized that I don't have to have extremes at the level that I did. And so what I want you to think about is where do you have. I won't say the word addiction to extreme, but where are you seeking extremes? Because society is. And, you know, where does it show up? It shows up in. We have extreme sports. We have extreme in business, we have extreme in relationships. Check this out. We. We have extreme and which by the way, at the time I'm recording this lovely. Christie and I are about to break ground on our next level dream home. We're building a home way bigger than we need with the way more stuff than we need in it and all the, you know. So I'm. I'm not saying aim for the curve. I'm not saying build badass companies with badass team and have a badass life and make a ton of dough and get rich and enjoy, but that's what I'm saying is don't get rich and miserable. Nobody loves that. How about you get rich and be happy? How about if you're not rich, just be happy, Whatever that looks like for you. And whatever rich. Put that in air quotes, by the way. That's, that's a perception, you know, and, and that's why wealth is so more. So much more important. But I think about. There's extreme religion. I was raised around extreme religion and, and different things like that. Then we think about what I talk about. My, my house. I get judged. People go, oh, you don't need a house that big. You don't even have kids. Why are you doing that? Blah, blah, blah. That's their perspective. That's fine. I'm not judging them for judging me. That's just coming from a place for them. Because on the other side, you can have extreme minimalism too. Well, I. You have 10 coffee cups in your cabinet. I only have one. You know, I only need one. I'm extreme as a minimalist. Like, look at the Van Life movement, right? So there's these extremes everywhere. And what I'm challenging you is, is to build the life based on the rules of your game. Stop playing someone else's game in life and business and play full out in yours. And that can be extreme if you want it to be. But don't make it extreme because somebody else's is. Because oftentimes we find, and it's not everybody, but sometimes extremes, we're. We're trying to do certain things. We're trying to out outlive certain things. We're trying to justify certain things. And what I know is you'll never outperform your past. Let me remind you of that again. You'll never outperform your past. And I know this because I did everything I could and I was still miserable. I created more external wealth than I ever imagined I could. I had the best relationships. I drove the cars that I wanted. I live where I want to and all that. I just couldn't run fast Far enough, fast enough from my past because I felt that I needed to justify myself. I felt that I needed to validate myself to the world. And now I experience even more wealth and more fun and more enjoyment and more happiness and better relationships and building another home in the exact place that I want to live. But I'm not doing it to outperform my past. I'm doing it because I've made peace with my past. I'm doing it because I don't have to have extremes to try to cover something up. I'm doing it for the love of the game. The game that I'm creating, the game that my team wants to play with me, the game that we get to create together as a. As a unified front, executing a vision year after year after year. That's what it's about, my friend. And so when I. When I think about my buddy, that was like, I'm going to be the biggest and greatest. And. And the challenge is that ideal is stopping him from taking the actions today to move a layer up in security, to move a layer up in safety. And when we think about Maslow's hierarchy, and, you know, it starts with safety and security, and you gotta have those things. And yes, I've been able to. To go in deeper levels of spirituality and mindset freedom because I have a financial freedom component that I didn't used to have. And so wherever you are in your walk and in your journey, go get that. Accomplish what you need to accomplish so you can continue to evolve, because all it is is your. Your. Let me say again, evolution of consciousness. It's where you're at. It's where you're meant to be. Everything's happening at the exact same time in the exact same way it's supposed to. Yes, you drive it with manifestation, with prayer, with. With meditation, with your intentionality. You drive it with the goals that you set. You manifest your reality in the world. There's no question in my mind that does happen, but you've got to decide what it is for you. And just take a step back this week and think about where am I being an extremist that maybe it's stopping me from now? Maybe I'm. You know, one of the things that fascinates me, whether it's the Tom Brady conversation of today's pop culture or the. The LeBron James ver. You know, you could take Tom Brady and Roger Staubach from totally different eras. Who's the better quarterback? You take a LeBron James and a Michael Jordan who's The better basketball player. And dudes and girls get into like fisticuffs over this stuff. No, you don't get it. Blah blah, that's all ego based perception. Who cares? Who cares? Because there's going to be somebody else that comes along and Tiger woods is the greatest ever to play the game. Yeah. At a moment in time. All of those are true. And the same is true for you. And the game that you're playing is right now, today. So how do you go be the best version of yourself today? How about you lean into an extreme of today and go, I'm going to play full out today and I'm going to be the best version of myself. That's where the freedom comes from. The happiness comes from, the joy comes from, the peace comes from. Ultimately the bliss comes from. And it's all wrapped in love, my friend. And I love you for being on here with me today and sharing your time and your energy and looking at these things and just challenge yourself. Where are you really obsessed with just extremes a little bit? Maybe take a step back, maybe take a breath, maybe allow yourself to calm down and let's have some fun. Life's too short to be in odds with yourself, to be at war with yourself. I said it last episode. I'll say it again, it's life's just too short. Don't be at war with yourself. Let's get out there, let's have some fun. Let's change the world today. Until we talk, make it a better than fantastic week. Thank you for being here with me. If you're watching, make a comment. If you're listening, share the episode. However we can help spread the love. Until we talk, make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you real soon. Thank you.