144. Do You Need Permission?

Foreign. Welcome back to the show. Leadership in a nutshell, cracking that code of the driven mind we are gifted with, sometimes it can feel like a bit of a curse or a challenge, but my God, is it a gift? And I'm so grateful to have some time and energy with you here on a weekly basis to just check in, see how we feel today. Episode 144 who do you need permission from? Do you need permission? What do you think? Do you really need permission? I want to talk about this and unpack this. As a driven leader, there's often times that we might hesitate a little bit, that we might hold ourselves back, that we might not step fully into the necessary decisions, the necessary actions, the necessary things that we need in order to step up to the highest levels, in order to do what really needs to be done. When it comes to our, our team, perhaps when it comes to process, when it comes to accountability measures, when it comes to whatever that looks like. Right. So I want you to think today I just, you know, this podcast is all about me helping you think through some things. I was on with a high level client earlier today and, and it came to mind that, you know, what we're doing is really cleaning out cobwebs. As a, you know, in, in, in the mind, I've got a high level authentic life architecture group that I, that I work with and every other week we're together and, and a really big part is clearing the pathway. And sometimes when we need to clear the pathway, we need to ask ourselves where do I need permission? Who do I need permission from? Do I even need permission? I guess is another question. One of the reasons that I would be kind of viewed by the world as a bit of a non conformist driven entrepreneur is the thing about permission, right? So I think back to my days of being in the military. I needed to be in the military in order to get some structure, in order to get some discipline, in order to find a level of accountability that my 19 year old self needed. So from 19 to 22 I was in the United States army and it was one of, if not the greatest thing I did in my life for self accountability until, until I committed to self care several years ago and, and got sober and committed to my own rituals and all the different things that I, that I now enjoy in my life. And prior to that I needed this discipline. I needed to have a place where I needed to ask permission in order to do certain things in my life. Now fast forward as a 52 year old driven entrepreneur, there's A lot of things I don't need permission in order to do. I want you to think about your structure in your business. If you're an owner, if you're a leader, regardless of where you are in the organization, you are a leader. We've talked about this in the past and therefore there's certain times you think about permission. For me, I'm one of the founders, the lovely Christy and I founded this company 11 plus years ago now, or around 11 years, I guess. And I'm the CEO of the business. So, you know, I used to think, well, I'm the CEO, I don't need permission from anybody. Well, I do need permission. I need permission from my top leaders, I need from my executive leadership team. I need permission from department heads for certain things. I need permission from clients to, you know, to get buy in from clients for certain things. Where do you need permission, where do you seek permission and where are you possibly looking for permission when you don't need someone else's permission? That's the thing that I want you to really kind of take a step back, not flying in the face of, oh, I'm the owner, so I don't need to ask anybody for anything. That's not what I'm talking about. In good teamwork, there are areas where permission is important. But when it comes to permission, I ask you, what are you waiting for? There's a question. What are you waiting for? Who do you feel like you need to get permission from in order to take a specific action? In order to invest certain resources, in order to make certain changes, in order to up level certain areas of your department, if you will? What does that look like? How does that show up? Because here's what I want you to think about. Oftentimes when you need permission, you play small. Oftentimes when you need permission, you're not playing full out. You're not giving it everything that you've got because you're waiting for that infamous other shoe to drop. You're waiting to not be in trouble. You know, there's that old saying around, I'll ask for forgiveness rather than asking for permission, right? And it's a cliche and kind of a, kind of a coin statement because that's a reality. Most movers and shakers in the world, we're just gonna, I'm gonna ask for forgiveness, not permission because I'm gonna go do things I feel are best. I'm gonna check in with my soul purpose, I'm gonna check in with my heart and I'm going to Check in with the divine. I'm going to check in with my spirit. I'm going to say, okay, is this in alignment? I'm going to check in with my authentic self and see if this makes sense to me. And if it makes sense to me, then I'm going to go do it. I'm going to take actions, I'm going to get in the game, I'm going to play full out. And if that doesn't resonate, if that doesn't work, then I'll ask for forgiveness then. But I'll at least have a way to share what I did and why I did what I did, because it has a reason behind it. There's specifics to why I do certain things. And that's what I want you to think about today. You know, it comes to honoring your truth, I want you to think about that. Where are you not honoring your truth because you don't feel like you have permission? Big question. That one I want you to write down. If you're driving, don't worry about it. Come back to this later. But if you're in a place where you can jot down a couple of things. Where are you not honoring your truth because you feel that you still need permission? Think about how you're raised. Think about limiting beliefs. Think about business structure, think about religion, think about parents, think about peers. Think about your previous experience. Think about the identity that you've created for. For who you are, for how you show up. Why are you not honoring your truth because you feel that you need permission. And just jot down two, three, four items there. How is this showing up for you? And one of the last questions I want to ask you today is around your own permission. When you think about, when do you get involved and you give yourself permission today I wanted to just come to you in a kind of a short snapshot. I want to do more just downloading my thought process, my brain activity in order to give you some thinking components, areas that you can kind of resonate and think through a little bit. And really, you know, obviously everything I share has some meaning to me and has some truth to me. And I've been journaling around certain areas of how I show up in life where. Where I'm still seeking some permission. Where. Because the way that I was raised, from a religious standpoint, do I. Do I still seek permission? Hypothetically, is there any area that, you know, my father's been gone over 30 years. Is there some area I might, subconscious or unconscious seek his permission? Is there some area I might seek a permission from, from a God that I was taught around rather than the divine spirit that I am in connection with today. Is there permission that I need from my leadership team that I haven't educated them enough on the why behind something as to how I'm going to operate or what I'm going to do? Is there areas of a frontline team member that I feel that I haven't given myself permission to be myself around them in a specific way perhaps. How is this showing up for you, my friend? Because at the end of the day you're only going to take massive action on the things that you feel you have permission in. Now again, check your ego here because the egoic brain can go, I'm going to fly in the face of everything and I'm a non conformist and screw them and screw that. And I'm the owner and I've been there, I've done that, I've operated that way. And it's destructive. It's not healthy for your team, it's not healthy for you, it's not healthy for clients, it's not healthy for the market, it's not healthy for vendor partners. None of these different types of things. It's about you showing up in your own greatness and you giving yourself permission. It's about giving yourself permission to make mistakes. How do you show up when you make a mistake? Maybe you need some permission around screwing things up. Maybe you need some permission around not being perfect. Maybe you need permission around doing the wrong thing. It goes to, you know, I personally believe that, that anything worth doing is worth doing wrong. Think about that for a moment. I have a belief that says anything worth doing, it's worth doing wrong. Why? Because you're going to screw it up when you first do things. I take a lot of chances, I take a lot of risks. I do a lot of new things in my life and because of that I give myself permission to screw it up royally. And when I screw it up, then I have information, then I have education, then I have the goal, then I have the necessary components, mine from the experience in order to make it great, in order to improve it. Right? When you talk to anybody that's around me that knows me well, knows that I can't stand mediocrity. I don't like mediocrity because mediocrity is trying to just be careful, stay safe, don't get outside the lines, don't look as a driven leader, color outside the lines. That's what it's all about the lines are there as a guide, not as a restriction that makes some of you uncomfortable. And I'm 100% okay with that. That's ultimately where. Where we want to land is. This is all. All about you. And so do you need to. To check in and go, Man, I. I could use some permission around making mistakes, Kenny. Maybe I. I need some. To give myself permission that I might not always be at the top of my game. Maybe I need to give myself permission to sleep in once in a while. Maybe I need to give myself permission to not be up to date on the latest social situations or whatever the top things are when somebody meets me at the infamous water cooler. Conversation and talks about the latest episode of I don't know, episode or what am I trying to say? What's that popular one, Yellowstone? Or some latest. I don't even know. Some of my team was recently talking about some show on TV I've never heard of. Guess what? I give myself permission to go. Never heard of it. I'm not aware of it. I don't. I don't. There's nothing against tv. Please don't get me wrong here. There's nothing against you doing what you want to do in your life, but I don't spend my life in the evening time just living through other people's drama. That's not where I want to live. It's not where I want to play. It's not how I show up. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. Certainly do. Christy and I have some TV that we watch that might not be the most effective always. Sure. We have some things that, you know, I watch some real estate shows. She likes some design shows. We watch, you know, decorating shows, especially while we're building the new house. We get ideas. We have different things. I still watch some sports for entertainment. Not to feel good or bad about myself. You know, whatever that looks like. Like my Chargers lost recently in the playoffs. So whatever that looks like, I give my permission myself. I should say permission in certain areas. And lastly, I want you to think about this before we bounce today. Do you need to give yourself permission to feel good? Where do you need to give yourself permission to. To be happy? Where do you need to lean into your permission and say it's okay or permission that it's not okay right now? And that's okay? See, we seek permission externally in order to gain permission internally. Write that down. We seek permission externally in order to get permission internally. If this person's wearing these types of clothes. Now I have permission to. I can wear these types of clothes. If this person drives this type of car, then maybe I have permission for me to drive that type of car. Now this is absolute clinical insanity and it's the way the world works and it's the agreements that we've made in collective society. So I'm going to ask you to check in with yourself with your own permission. Where are areas in relationships? In your business, in your finances, in. In your emotional regulation where you have an opportunity to uplevel your permission to be you, to play full out, to step another level into your greatness. That, my friend, is the ultimate permission. You have the permission. Let me give you permission to step into your greatness and maybe my external permission will give you the space for you to give yourself that internal permission that you seek. What are the action items necessary? What do you need to do today? Write down three areas right now that you need to give yourself more permission. Permission to be easy with yourself. Permission to have some more fun. Permission to play full out. Permission to make mistakes. Permission to be happy. That's what it's all about, my friend. Episode 144 do you need permission? I I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. Thank you so much for being here. Please kick this to a colleague, a friend, somebody that could use a little self care, a little self love once a week. I'll see you back here next week. Until we meet again and make it a better than fantastic week. Thank you so much for being here. See you soon.