149. Stress is Actually Fear in Disguise

Foreign. Hey my friend. Welcome back to leadership in a nutshell. Cracking the code of the driven Mind. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. Episode 149 stress. It's actually fear in disguise. Today I want to kind of dive into this and spend a little bit of, of time getting you to think about your thinking. The only reason I do this podcast is to connect with you in order to connect you with your thinking. And once a week I take 10, 15, sometimes we go long and hit 20 minutes of just sharing some thoughts, some insights, some ideas, some mastery techniques and tips for you to really continue to elevate your consciousness and up level your own being. And this week we're talking about stress and not in the way that you might generally think about it because I've used all kind of external things to manage my stress and put that in air quotes as you're listening here today, like, oh, I'm going to manage my stress. And what does that mean? I'm going to allow the collective societal agreements to enter and I'm going to manage it through having a glass of wine, which there's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine. It's the glass that's the six or eight glasses of wine that I might have had in the past in the, in the guise of managing stress. I'm going to tell myself limiting beliefs sometimes in managing stress and go well but you know, people don't understand. I run multi million dollar companies and it's, it's stressful and it's challenging and you know, all these different things and we make up stories and we make up beliefs and we make up this narrative for ourselves to, and as I say ourselves, I'll say our egoic based selves to kind of thrive in this environment. And we are truly wrecking our health, our mental health, our physical health, our financial health, our spiritual health, our relationship health, our overall freedom health. Like because we were just so stressed out and you know, in the U.S. canada and Australia we, we live in some of the greatest, most affluent countries in the world and yet everybody's running around stressed out and that always fascinates me. And as I'm a, I'm a student of the game, I'm a student of the mind, I'm a student of being and I, and I look at that and I really go, what is this all about? So the more successful people become, it seems as though the more stressed out they become. I had a buddy of mine telling me about, about his spouse who's getting ready to get a possible Promotion. And it's this huge promotion and it's going to be this incredible thing for them financially and, and you know, it's going to elevate to the next level of the career path and all these different things. And he said to me, yeah, it'll be incredible, but with it, it'll be really stressful. There'll be a lot more responsibility. And it just triggered me of like, why the pain? Why the suffering? Why do we need the stress? And as I think about stress and how it shows up in my life, how it shows up in my own team's lives, my leadership team, my frontline team, my execution team, my, my coaches, my fulfillment team, like, stress is something that, yes, the, the work environment can kind of help create it, but different people manage it differently and different people wait for it. Different people create it differently. Now let's, let's get real. Am I actually saying that people create their own stress? Yep, I sure am. Most of the things that we have that are stressors in our lives and stress point in our lives, they're a mental construct of the mind. Everything in life is made up by the mind. Anyway, the studio I'm sitting in here today, wherever you're listening the video, if you're watching any of these clips online, whatever, like this is all just a function of mental capacity that began with a vision, began vision begins with a thought and everything kind of goes from there. So stress starts out as a thought. What I want you to realize today that stress is actually fear in disguise. And what do I mean by that? When you think about, oh my gosh, I'm so stressed out. My report might not be done on time, my training might not go the way that I want. I might be late for fill in the blank, whatever it is. There's a stress component that shows up, but it's actually covering up a fear component that's in disguise. What I'm really concerned about is if my training doesn't go the way that I want, people are going to judge me, people are going to make fun of me, people are not going to digest my information. People are not going to improve their lives. If I'm late, people are going to think I don't care. People are thinking, da da da da. If I don't dress properly, I'm stressed out about how I'm dressed, I'm stressed out about if I'm going to fit in. There's fear there. And generally it comes down to other people's judgment. And let me remind you, the only judgment there is a self judgment. You can't judge me. You can choose to, but when you do, what I mean by that is you can't affect me if you judge me. But you judging me affects you. Because you're saying, I don't like that Kenny guy. I think he's, you know, he's too crazy. On his podcast. Stress and fear aren't tied together. What's he mean? That's cool. Do your thing. But that, what that means is you're judging me based on your own insecurities at certain levels. And that's where I'm asking you to set yourself free and realize that you're creating a lot of your stress. Now I say this lovingly. You're my community. I love you. And I. That's why I, I do this is for the love of you and continuing to help you grow and prosper and do all the things that you want to do, accomplish every single goal that you want. But I want you to be happy. That's why I've recorded a few episodes around happiness recently. Let's do this and have a blast at it. And I don't know a lot of people that are super stressed out that just live in bliss, right? And so when we realize that, wait a minute, what am I really afraid of if I'm stressed out? Stressed out because actually I'm afraid I might not be enough. I'm stressed out because actually maybe I'm worried I won't make enough. I'm stressed out really because I won't get the title that I want. I'm stressed out. You see where I'm going, It's all kind of tied to fear. And so when we think about like, you know, let's talk about ultimate definitions, if you will. And I've got this jotted down here. So when we're able to respond directly to a threatening situation due to lack of control or information, our subconscious mind begins to create stories and scenarios around the potential danger so that we can still find some way to respond. Okay. Causing stress because it forces our brains into overdrive and leaves us feeling overwhelmed by worry and fear. And so, you know, I'm not big on textbook definitions. I'm more, I'm bigger on living your life and having a life experience and digesting that and seeing what that means to you. Going into your own philosophical mind to make your own judgments about what works for you, what doesn't work for you. But I thought this is powerful. So, you know, when we, when we realize our subconscious mind making or begins creating Stories and scenarios around potential danger. And I want you to really, you know, jot that down. Where am I creating stories around potential danger that may or may not exist. And so I'm going to give you five ways to help deal with stress. Manage stress and ultimately prevent stress is the key, right? I'd much rather prevent something than deal with the consequences of it once it arrives. But I want you to kind of think about stories and scenarios around potential danger because now I've got my mind, it's going to respond. The mind is a problem solving tool and so I'm going to find a way to solve this whether it exists or it doesn't exist. And so if I'm stressed out because I'm afraid of something, what does that really look like and how is that really showing up? So let me ask you, what are you stressing about? What are you stressed out about? Some of my clients, I work with some high level clients in my life Architecture Authentic life group. We kind of talk about like we've checked a lot of the boxes in life and therefore your mind starts creating scenarios to worry about. And I was recently talking to a high level entrepreneur about and just kind of laughing at himself and he was like, my God, if there's nothing there, I'm going to create it. There's nothing there. I'm going to find something. That's how the brain works. It's looking for something. So yes, there. You know, my, my mentor taught me. Dan Sullivan told me there's nothing more dangerous than a board entrepreneur or board driven leader. So true. The challenge is how are we handling that boredom? Are we handling boredom through distraction, through technology, through drinking, through other obsessive compulsive behavior, like how's that showing up? And a lot of times, guess what, there's comfort in stress. I used to find massive comfort in being stressed out. Oh, I'm the guy that does the, I would like manufacture stress for myself. If I think back to my drinking days, oh my God, did I create stress for myself? I'm going to be the last one out of the bar and the first one on the stage in the morning. Like, oh my God, just why? Because I was still working on dealing with low self esteem. Let that land for a moment. I would stress myself out because it was fear in disguise because I was still feeling less than. That's powerful. And I want you to feel that. Hopefully that P popped in your ear as I, as I talk into this mic with passion with the peas and just like, oh my gosh, it's just so powerful, and I'm so passionate about this. Can I say any more powerful p words to pop in your productive ear? Okay, profitability. Let's get that one in there. So I just want you to think about what stresses you out and then answer the question. Why? Just jot that down. Like, what stresses me out? Why does it stress me out? I'm worried if we're going to hit budget. Okay, cool. I get it. I want you to hit your goals. I want you to go out. But why are you stressing so hard about it or what does it look like? Well, I'm worried if we're going to be able to get trucks or equipment or, you know, resources or team members and, well, those are all real things. But is being in a high state of reactivity and fear when you realize stress is tied to fear, is moving forward in total fear all the time? Is that going to help? No, it's not going to help. Next week, we're going to talk about how you must move forward through fear and you have to do things you're afraid of. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about the compulsive part of I've got to have stress in my life because that's where I'm comfortable. I want you to challenge that. I want you to release that. It's time to set that down. What got you here won't get you there. And sometimes being the most stressed person and sometimes we see this in leadership. The higher we go, the more I feel I've got to carry this badge, almost the badge of honor of stress. And that's why we don't make time for self care. That's why we don't go, oh, what are you doing today? You know, I don't have much on my calendar. I might go for a walk. I might go for a hike. Probably going to do some reading. Probably going to spend some time with the lovely Christy. Probably going to make something good for dinner. Probably going to watch some positive something on Gaia TV or YouTube tonight, whatever it is. Like when we think about what. Wait a minute. What's wrong with him? You must not be a driven leader. You must not be creating value. Check yourself, my friend. Stress is tied to fear. Eliminate the fear. And guess what? Don't worry. Don't let your ego be too concerned. You'll find new fear. Each time we evolve our consciousness, each time we go to another level, it's scary. Never been here before. Never done that before. I've never recorded my 149th episode of a solo cast podcast before for I'm super grateful to be doing it. Like, you know that. That's the thing. Keep stepping out into your life and embracing it. Ultimately, that's what it's about. Let me hand you help you handle some stress this week. I'm going to give you five action items here. Number one, be aware. Everything ties to to awareness. And in the six dimensions of change 2.0 I wrote about, clarity is the is the first dimension. Clarity comes from awareness. So first, most people are running around completely stressed out and they're not even aware of it. They don't slow down enough to get clear. Like, damn, I'm stressed out. Like, as I really began slowing down my subconscious mind and partnering more with my subconscious mind and my divine connection in spirit and universe, I started realizing, whoa, man, I've got just this underlying, like, stress that's going on. Get aware of it first and foremost. You feel it in the body. You know, if your breath is shallow. Wait a minute. This is stressing me out. Okay, just be clear on that. Get aware. Number two, be proactive. So let's get in front of it. Let's do some things. And one of the main ways we're going to do this is by elevating trust. So be proactive by elevating your trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in God, Spirit, divine, universe. Trust that the universe has a plan for you. Trust that you are exactly where you're meant to be. Trust that tomorrow's going to be better than today. Trust that you're going to continue to learn and you're going to grow and you're going to be the exact perfect human that you're meant to be all the time. You've got to elevate trust. That releases stress a little bit. How can you be all stressed out if everything's going exactly how it's supposed to? Well, you can choose to, but that might be a little crazy. I'm just saying. Yes, we record for the those of us with a driven mind, but let's not proactively choose crazy. Let's proactively elevate trust. Okay, Number three, meditate or pray. Meditate and pray. Whatever works for you. It's part of my morning rituals every day. There's not a day that I walk out of the studio, out of the house, out of, like, from the time that I wake up. It's one of the first things that I do. And I struggle with this for years. And many of you are Discounting it now, but, Kenny, I've tried it. It didn't work. Well, it takes time. You're reconditioning your mind, your soul. Did you quit when you tried to learn how to walk? Did you quit when you tried to learn how to ride a bike? We're talking about your mental health. We're talking about your meditation has so many studies behind it of a way to slow down the mind and a way to create space. You have got to create space in order to create freedom. And lowering stress is directly tied to meditation. Number four, move the body. Some form of mental or physical exercise every day. The mental slowdown comes from the meditation. The physical. I'm not talking about, oh, I'm going to go run a triathlon this morning. Go for a walk. Just get your heart rate elevated a little bit. Breathe. Get your oxygen flowing. Just move the body. Get some movement going. Do some stretching, do some yoga, do some breathing, Go for a walk. And if you want to go to the gym, if you want to go for a run. I don't go to the gym every day. And I'm not the model by any stretch. I'm not here to be your guru. I'm here to share with you. And what I know is I go to the gym not for how I look or how much I weigh. I go for energy. And energy begins with my mind. And the more that I work out, the more that I go for a walk on the daily. The more that I move my body each and every day, the more energy that I have. So. And the more energy I have, the less stress I have. It's like. It just takes care. It's like Pac man eating up the stress as it goes along. Number five, improve your sleep. And I've been on a mission myself over the last kind of 90 days of really elevating my sleep and getting super conscious and doing things. I've implemented digital sunsets. Maybe I'll record an episode for you on that of just how I've been elevating my sleep. And it just makes such a difference. I sleep better than. I'll say this. I sleep better right now than I ever have in my life. And that's a big statement. At 52 years old, it feels amazing. It's not every night I don't. It's not that I never wake up. It's not that I never have my monkey brain going nuts in the middle of the night, but it's so much less than it used to be. And I've taken conscious, clear actions and released certain activities in order to create the brain space for this to happen. So you can't go NonStop and watch TV all the way up until the time you go to bed and expect to have a great night of sleep. And you can't drink six eight beers and then go to bed and expect to have a great night of sleep. Well, you've got to just be mindful of what works for you. We could have an entire episode just on sleep but here's where we want to go today to share with you. Helping your stress be more aware, get proactive and elevate your trust. Meditate, move your body and focus on sleeping better. Do those things lower that stress is tied to fear anyway. There's nothing to be afraid of. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Thank you so much for being here. Kick this episode to somebody that can use it until we talk. Make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you next time. Thanks for being here.