153. Creating Meaning From Stress

Foreign. Hey my friend. Welcome back to leadership in a nutshell. Cracking the code of this amazing and driven mind that we are blessed with. I'm Kenny Chapman, your host. This is episode 153, creating meaning from Stress. Oh, stress is a biggie, baby. There's so much stress in the world. There's so many people that are stressed out. There are billions and billions of dol of drugs being sold today, both prescription and maybe not so much prescription based on how to deal with stress. And I know I've been a client of both sides of that. I'll say, like I guess I never really did Prozac or Xanax. Listen to me talking about like it's heroin. There's nothing wrong with taking antidepressants if you are in that place in your chemical in your brain. Please don't take that out of context. I just, I think about, I, I went the less so altered, more of a alternative route perhaps. And I had my, my person, his name was Jerry and Jerry is where I got my things to deal with my stress for many years. And Jerem, let's just say Jerry wasn't a doctor, okay? And that was before what Jerry sold me actually became legal in most states. Although I was living in Colorado when it was the first state to pass. But nonetheless, I digress. Here we are talking about creating meaning from stressful situations. And I'm reflecting on the past and how I used to deal with stress because I didn't know how to create meaning from it. So I tried to avoid it, I tried to escape it. I used all the techniques that I could come and find from, you know, numbing my brain and running from things with drugs and alcohol and different things. And today's not a drugs and alcohol episode, although I guess it was top of mind of why I used things that I used. Because this can't have meaning. This is stress and it sucks. And not just does it suck, it feeling an expletive sucks. Right? Stress is no fun. But does it have meaning or could it possibly have meaning? I think it can and I think it does. And that's what we're here to talk about. Episode 153. So when I think about all the stress, there's two, there's two types of stress too, by the way, and I'm sure there's many more. But I just want to share for today for you to kind of think about. There is self created and self generated stress and then there's external created and external generated stress. So I challenge you today to think about what you're stressed out about. And are they things or is it something that you're creating or generating or is it external? And I want to challenge you in a loving way here today because many of us in business are challenged by the stress that our businesses create, right? Oh man, I'm stressed out because this is going on in the company. But I'm going to speak directly to owners right now. You created the company and leaders, I'll speak to you directly right now. You create the rules of the game and so certainly based on the core values of the company. But leaders in the business create the rules of the game, create the culture, create the hiring, the firing, the training, the process, the way things are played out. So guess what? If you're stressed out from what you're perceiving as an external situation because of the business, perhaps it's self generated because you're creating the business. And you go, yeah, but Kenny, this is about Jimmy. I mean, Jimmy's just. Jimmy's wearing me out. Who hired Jimmy? Again, I'm coming to you with love, please understand. I'm giving you virtual hugs right now as we think about this. But your hiring system is what put Jimmy on your team. Your training system is what taught Jimmy how to do the job. Your account ability system is what allows Jimmy to act out or do whatever he's doing that is ultimately stressing you out. And last last week we talked about getting over it. So maybe you need to get over taking it personal. Maybe Jimmy's just not a happy individual. But if he's following your core values and he's getting good reviews in the field and, and he's doing the job effectively, hey, if he's not destroying the culture, maybe it's okay, and maybe you're just jammed up with something internally. But let's make sure that we're not self generating. One of the things, you know, and I call it for myself, I don't even call it stress. I'll say self generated suffering. One of the things that I committed my life to a few years ago is to reduce my self generated suffering. I believe that we're addicted to suffering in the human experience and we're using all these external factors of, you know, phones and connectivity and business and technology and buying more houses and buying more cars and all these different types of things as a way to deal with stress. And what we're doing is actually creating more of it. Now let me, let me make sure, let's be clear. I'm a realist and I say that as I'm currently building our next level dream home in North Scottsdale. Yes, I am building a new home right now. Will it create stress? Oh, I don't know. Will it create environments for stress? Certainly. We're going to have the pool and we're going to need pool service and we're going to have way more square footage than we've ever had and we'll have more upkeep and that will create stress. But what I know is I want the sanctuary of my backyard. I want my queen to have her castle. I want the. So I want these things. Will we have it forever? I don't know. But I'm willing to go through the process of whatever that looks like, dealing with the builder, dealing with subcontractors, dealing with the different things, committing the capital and finances to do it, all those things. I could find stress in all of those or I can realize it's my own choice to create this as my own self expression in my own creativity in the human experience. And this is what's going to happen. I mean, my builder communicates as challenging as most people I've ever met in my life. It's testing me at the deepest level, which is so amazing and so incredible that I get a chance to grow through this process. I could be pissed off, I could be upset. Have I had moments? Yep. I give myself 30 seconds. I can kiss or cuss, kick, scream, be mad. 30 seconds and then. Okay, going back to last week's episode, is this how I want to feel? It's not how I want to feel. Well then what do I need to do to change? Okay, so this week when we're talking about creating meaning, stress has a reason. It's there. And you know, several episodes back I talked about that stress is, is fear in disguise. Right. And so there's a level of fear from stress and different things. Maybe I'm not stepping into my authenticity. Maybe I'm worried about what other people think. So I'm stressed out. Maybe I'm in an activity, you know, an abundance overabundance of activity. Maybe I'm over committed to activity, whatever those things are, whatever that looks like. Let's take a step back and think about. I'm going to give you three questions today, three ways to kind of uncover this and think about, is there meaning in stress? Yes, my friend, there is meaning in stress. But don't realize, don't think that you have to be stressed out. We're living in a society at this moment that rewards stress, that honors Being stressed out. The more stressed you are, the bigger your badge is, the more metals, I think about the metals of all honor. When I was in the United States army and I got a, a medal for, you know, going to the first, the war and going through, you know, combat situation and, and all that different type of stuff. Thank God I didn't get a Purple Heart. I definitely don't want that one. I honor those that, that have. But I think about my, the, you know, the, the chest of military awards that, that people have, and that's honoring valor, that's honoring sacrifice, that's honoring commitment in certain ways. But in the human experience as a civilian, that's crazy. It's crazy that I need to have this award for working 60 hours a week and not raising my children, for being, you know, disconnected from the love of my life, from not having quality relationships because I don't have time really. Let's take a step back. So there's stress in your life. Stress is necessary. Stress is an indicator. Stress happens when the body is stressed out. There's something else going on. I've got a pain in my heel I've been dealing with. So I'm working on what does that mean? What is showing up? What am I not dealing with mentally? That's showing up in my foot. Where are the different things of stress responses? My foot hurts because there's a strong stress response going on in my body physically. It's really easy to see. Right, so how do we want to uncover this, number one? Well, actually, before we get to number one, let me just remind you my incredible mentor, friend, peer, I believe, angel that was sent to this planet to help me, the late Sean Stephenson, my buddy before he passed. And one of the. What he said it on his deathbed. This is happening for me, not to me. And Sean taught me that concept. Little did I know that would be the last thing that he said in this amazing life that he shared with some of us and all of his, I would say everybody. You didn't know him personally, but I'm sharing him with you right now. So he's impacted, influenced millions of people through his writings and through his, his speaking career and the different things. But this is not happening to me. This is happening for me. So when stress happens, stress is happening for me. It's not happening to me. That's a caveat, number one, because if it's happen happening for me, then I have something to do about it. If it's happening to me, I'm a victim. If it's Happening for me. I'm a victor. If it's happening to me, then I'm a victim. Get that powerful, powerful understanding, okay? Now, it doesn't mean I like it, doesn't mean I want it, doesn't mean that I would choose it, but it's happening for me. The universe has a bigger plan than I understand at the moment. So this is happening for me. First thing you do is shift your focus from why to what. So if I'm stressed out, I'm why is this happening to me? Kind of back to that victim thing. Like why? Why? Why? No, not why what in the context of what does this mean? This is happening for me? I know this. It's not happening to me. But what does this mean now? What is this here to tell me? What is this here to shake up for me? What is this here to awaken in me? What is this here for me to deepen my understanding within? So we shift from that. What can I learn here? And ultimately in this question, once I ask, you know, or shift from the why to the what. If I go back to any kind of a why question, I would only do it around why. Might I have chosen this and said differently? Perhaps would be like, what is the purpose in me experiencing this? See, there's ultimate power when, you know, I go all the way to some of the trauma I had as a child and dealing with my parents, 11 marriages between them and my father leaving the planet earlier than, you know, than chronological age. You would think he should have. He let. Or. Or biological age or chronological age. He wasn't sick. He. He left because of some life choices that, that he had made and, and life choices that had other people make, whatever that is. But when I was 21 and he left at 54 years old, that was early. Right? But I've decided that I picked all that. I'm choosing all these things with my co creator of this is what it's about. So I can't be a victim when I'm in that space. Right? So instead of why, I go to what? Number one, number two, reduce reactivity. Okay, so when I think about this is happening and when we're stressed out, we're just, ow, I'm in reactive mode. React, react, react. No, reduce reactivity and get grounded. This is where I slow down. This is where you create space. Viktor Frankl talked about the space. He was the guy that wrote Man's Search for Meaning. He was in, you know, locked up in, in a, in an encampment for years and years and, and Just, you know, phenomenal, phenomenal teachings from, from that individual. But he talked about there's space between, you know, what happens and response. He talked about stimulus and response. And between the stimulus and the response lies human power, lies our ability to choose. And so if I'm engulfed in a stressful situation, first I go, okay, what's maybe the good in this? And that's why maybe you're not there to say, ah, this is good, all things are good. But maybe you're not ready to hear that. So you just go, okay, what does this mean? What can I learn? What am I going to do with this situation, whatever that is, rather than why is this happening to me and life sucks and this, no, this is happening for me. What is this here to teach me? Reduce my reactivity? Get grounded. And that creates a little bit of space. So slow down, take a breath, get centered, get grounded. Understand you have power. Understand you are more than just this human body. You're more than the stress that you're experiencing. It's here to serve you in some way, shape or form. And so when you slow down, you have an opportunity to get out of the chaos of the human mind and take a step out into a higher level of consciousness and be an observer and go, what does this really mean to me? And once you get there and you create some space, then get in. My word is get creative. Your word might be get productive. For me, productive and creative are interchangeable. I was sharing with a high level group that I run a couple weeks ago about how I create. I mean 97, probably, maybe 99% more than the world ever sees. Whether it's a podcast that I prep for you here or a speaking engagement that I'm going to give at Blue Collar's Acceleration Day's event coming up in May, whatever, which by the way, we do open that up to non members. You can grab a ticket if you want. I think it's accelerationdaysworkshop.com maybe I'm not here to sell tickets. I just, that just crossed my mind that hey, if you want like what you hear here, come and listen. I'm going to do a half a day on, on, on unlocking the mind in a different way in the business. So anyway, I've created a ton of content that, that you'll never see, that most people will never see because I create in order to get productive for myself. And it's some of my own therapy. Right. So what is it for you when you realize this sucks? I'm in a stressful environment, situation or a moment in time. And moment in time can be a year, five years sometimes. Right. I'm in a stressful situation. What does this mean to me? Slow down, get grounded, breathe for a moment. I'm big on meditation, as you know. And then I get creative. And so what is that depending on what your thing is? Journal for me. Writing is therapy for me. So I'm going to write. I'm going to get clarity there. I'm going to. Christy's a painter, so she might go paint as a form of dealing with stress for her. Different people do different things. Maybe you're into crafts, maybe you're into cars, Maybe you have a shop. Maybe it's going and cleaning. I've got a client that loves everything to be organized, so he'll go organize a closet or somebody else's stuff. Like, he loves that. That's therapy for him. It's where he gets creative. Right. So think about that for yourself. What's a project you want to dive into? What's some brainstorming you might need to do? I'm big on pros versus cons lists. When I don't know what to do or I'm feeling a little bit stuck or stressed out, well, I'm going to take an action. I think this is the right action. I think I'm connected with God, universe, power source. Like what I think this is right. What are the pros if I take this action? What are the cons if I take this action? What does this mean? Getting additional clarity. Get outside, get in nature. Go breathe. Go be outside in the. In the elements. Seeing the. The beauty of God's creation out there, whatever that looks like. Move the body, maybe go do exercise, do something, get physical, whatever it is. Change physiology. There's meaning in stress. And the challenge is it's beyond the meaning that, oh, I'm meant to be stressed out. No, stress is simply a trigger. And sometimes, as I talked before, it's covering up fear. But when we get clear and we take a step back and realize, you know, stress is how you might operate. Because we see people sell businesses because the business is stressing them out, and then they end up stressed out in whatever they do after they sell the business. Some people retire from their job, and then they're stressed out because of the community boards that they sit on or the volunteer work that they do. If you have stress built into you, you're going to find stress as part of your reticular activating system of your brain. I'm challenging you to realize stress is happening for you. What does it mean? Get back from. Don't react as much. Take a step back and go, hang on. Let me reduce this reactivity so I can respond. And then I want to move forward with something creative to get the brain going in a different way. Fire some different chemical and realize stress doesn't own me. Your mind doesn't control you. You control your mind. Remember that? Episode 153, creating meaning from Stress. I. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. Do me a favor. Share this with somebody. Kick it somewhere. Give us a rating. Give us a like until we talk. Make it a better than fantastic week. I'll see you next time. Thanks for being here.