170. Anxiety As A Solvable Equation

Foreign. Hey, my friend, welcome back to leadership in a nutshell. I'm your host, Kenny Chapman. I'm super, super, super pumped to be here with you here today. It is episode 170, my friends, episode 170. Today I want to talk to you about anxiety as a solvable equation. And keyword solvable, actually multiple keywords, solvable equation. And so, you know, the brain is a problem solving tool and it has created anxiety as like a way of solving a problem. And so I'm not, you know, I'm not here to go clinical with you today, as you know. I'm here to have a conversation and I'm here to have a quality conversation about what you think, do, say and feel. And all of those are rooted in looking for some sort of a feeling, some sort of an outcome, some sort of an experience. And, you know, as. As uncertainty happens in the world, anxiety can kind of, can kind of follow it. And as we've seen different changes in markets and interest rates and housing and, you know, really, I mean, gosh, we're. What are we, three, three years and a few months from, from when Covid, you know, was introduced and we had all that. And, you know, it's like, my gosh, it's only been three years and yet the world has changed and will continue to change. And I think one of the, one of the keys to mental and personal freedom is to accept that as a reality and just surrender to that, to that fact. And the more that I surrender to what is meant to happen and I play full out, don't, don't take one moment of exception to the fact when I say surrender that I'm surrendering to sit on the couch or in my office and just let whatever is going to happen happen. No, I'm a full on active player in my conscious evolution as a human being. And through that, I run into challenges, I run into perspectives, I run into people's. Other people's perspectives, we'll call it. We run into economy, we run into regulations, we run into rules. And all of these things help evolve our consciousness. And as leaders, people are looking to us to help evolve their own consciousness. And just like last week when we talked about emotional intelligence, and this is one of the huge gifts of being a leader is having this opportunity to really get to play the game of life with people and maybe even impact their happiness. Like, you know, the reason I do this podcast for you is to help you feel better. I feel like I mentioned that a couple of weeks ago, but I just want to restate that. Like, my outcome for this podcast is to improve how you feel, period. And sometimes it's going to be through specific strategies and tools. And sometimes it's just going to be 10, 15 minutes that you're riding to the office or take, you know, driving to get your car washed or going across town or run to the grocery store or maybe working out or listening to wherever it is that you listen to this or watch this. This is the key to you just having a few minutes of taking a break for yourself. And that's why it's leadership in a nutshell. Just, you know, it's, it's personal improvement in a nutshell really is what we're talking about. The better person you become, the better leader you become. That's it. And when we think about this whole anxiety thing and you know, it's, don't like, okay, I'm speaking to myself. I'm like, don't get me down a track of pharmaceuticals and big, you know, big pharma and all. Like, I'm not going down that track. And so, so I'm saying that to myself, Kenny, don't go down that track, okay? We talk about communication a lot here on the podcast. I'm not going to go down that track. What I am, the track I am going to go down is you improving your internal communication and understanding that you don't have anxiety. Now, let me preface this. I make no minimization about anybody that has anxiety, anybody that has panic attacks, anybody that has any of these things. There are certain things, this is my disclaimer here. Like, I'm not minimizing it. I'm not giving you advice as to what to do it. I'm not telling you to get off your medication. I'm not telling you to get on medication, okay? I'm telling you to explore in your own conscious mind and heart what feels good to you and challenge some of the beliefs that may have been taught to us. And one of those beliefs is, I'm an anxious person. What does that mean? I believe that we were born into a state of anxiety right when we, most of us fortunately don't remember that day. But when, when we were born, all of a sudden we come out and there's these bright lights and we're trying to catch our breath and we get smacked on the ass and we start bawling and ah, like, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that was pretty freaking anxiety ridden, right? And so, so then we kind of go and, okay, we have different Levels of nurture from parents and different things, whatever that looked like for. For you. I know my own journey. You know, your own journey. That's. Those are the only two journeys that matter today as we're having this conversation together is what you know. And I'll say, mine doesn't matter. What I'm here to do is serve you today. So it's your journey, and you know, what that looked like and what took place. But then we start having different things happen, different evidence. And I know for myself, I began thinking like, man, I get anxious. I get anxious a lot. I have it, you know. You know, if you're watching this, he's right down below my, you know, my breastbone, if you will. Like, oh, I get that pit, you know, Some of you know what I'm talking about. You get the pit in your stomach and go, oh, my God, I'm anxious. I'm an anxious person. No, I want you to challenge yourself. I'm encouraging you to challenge yourself. You're not an anxious person. You don't have anxiety. What you have is a less than desirable response to an event that took place that you did not have the tools to navigate with a different response. That's it. So you go, well, that's too simple, Kenny. Right. And I'm not minimizing that. You feel it. That, you know, I'll still have things boil up inside of me, but I catch it, I'm aware of it, I realize it. I utilize tools, and I kind of figure out what that looks like. And so, you know, when we realize, like, the brain is so powerful, stop telling it lies that aren't true. Like, I'm an anxious person. How about there are events that take place in my life that I automatically, unconsciously tie to previous times in my life and experiences that I had which made me feel similarly to how I feel right now. And I'm going to call that feeling and anxiety. Are you with me? It's not that you are anxious. It's that you have a response to a trigger or an event or whatever that is. And so let's kind of unpack that some more. And I forget where I ran across this or where I got this. So I give credit to whoever deserves credit. This is not mine. I'll preface it that way. But I saw somewhere a definition that was this equation that was anxiety equals uncertainty times powerlessness. So I want you to think about that here today, when we have our normal definitions of anxiety. Like, oh, my God, I feel all stressed out and I'm anxious. And my palms are sweaty, my heart's racing, I get a little bit clammy, I don't know what to do. Like, what if that's simply a feeling? That is a multiplication of my uncertainty and my powerlessness? And what if a lot of that is actually a story to be unpacked? And so if I'm able to take a step back and go, okay, well, what is the level of uncertainty? Let me let you in on a little secret. Everything is uncertain. Yes. The brain works in patterns. And so we think, like, if it's, you know, I live in Phoenix, Arizona Market. So it's sunny today, it was sunny yesterday. Tomorrow's probably going to be what? Oh, okay, sunny, right. And so then also the brain goes, well, today is shitty, yesterday was shitty. And so tomorrow's probably going to be what? Oh, well. And so, you know, so. So the brain works in these patterns. And so if I have a pattern that goes, I'm in control of everything, and then I get hit with uncertainty, it wrecks people. And that's what happened to me with COVID I didn't have major anxiety in during COVID other than people pushing vaccines and different stuff, whatever. That's. That's a whole other other topic. And, you know, whatever. But I didn't like the forcing of certain things. But what I did learn was I don't have as much control as I thought. I thought if I had financial independence and calendar independence, that I had independence. And I was reminded that's not the case. There are so many things happening in the world that I have no understanding, no prediction, no control over that. All I can do is handle what comes at me. That's the ultimate freedom. And so, yes, I'm going to have financial independence, yes, I'm going to have calendar independence. But I'm also going to realize that I only have independence over the mind, heart, soul, and divine connection, based on whatever's coming at me of my ability to respond. Going back to Viktor Frankl's man's search for meaning when he talked about stimulus and response, the response, there's going to be all kinds of stimulus. And guess what? Uncertainty is a stimulus. And so if I take uncertainty and multiply that times powerlessness, that's going to dictate my level of anxiety. And it makes perfect sense. And that's why I wanted to share it with you here today, because it gives me an opportunity. If I look at that and go, okay, well, my anxiety isn't just anxiety. It's rooted in something different. And then I Get to go. Well, let's say finances. Let's say you've got some anxiety around your finances. Well, how much uncertainty is there and how powerless are you around it? And that's one of the reasons I'm not a big, you know, call it what it is. You can disagree with me 100%, that's fine. I'm not advocating how you invest your money. I'm not big in the stock market because there's uncertainty for me. Yes, I know if I talk to my financial advisor, they're gonna give me all the graphs and all the charts. And yes, the market historically goes up over time, but I'm powerless around that and I want more control. So I invest in things that I can influence in a more direct way. That's my own personal choice. Guess what? I don't have anxiety over the market because I've removed that part from my life. Now do I have anxiety over my own businesses? Sure. There's things that I don't have any control over. I don't know what the GDP is gonna do. I don't know what the Fed's gonna do with interest. I don't know what buyer behavior is gonna be. I don't have any control over that. But I don't have powerlessness when it comes to how I respond and how I react. And so the same is true with relationships. I have anxiety about this, you know, this person or, you know, a couple weeks ago we talked about the challenging conversation or whatever. Well, I've got anxiety around it. Well, what's your level of powerlessness and what's your level of uncertainty? If those two are high, then yeah, you're probably going to have some anxiety. But if you realize I've got total uncertainty about the direction it's going to go, but I'm in complete control. I have massive power around what I can do around that situation and what the outcome's going to. Okay, cool. Then we're looking at that. In the business, there's a lot of things that we don't have control over. Okay, fine. It's a matter of telling yourself the truth. Kind of like when I mentioned last week about emotional regulation and emotional intelligence. Like, I don't know what's going to happen, but the more I lean into, I'm going to respond as effectively as I can to the best level of my ability with the highest level of self awareness and self regulation, then great things are going to happen. And how about just overall change? I just get anxious about change. Well, unpack that because there's something in your past experiences that doesn't like change because change is good. And that's my belief. And other people have a massive belief. And many of our team members sometimes, right, have massive belief that no change is bad. Why? Because I know that I have radically changed my life from what I, you know, the clothes I wear, the money I make, the freedom I have, where I live, my geography, what I eat, how I sleep, what I drink, what I don't drink, what I like. I've radically changed my life. Massive, massive, massive change. And my life is incredibly better because of it. However many people look at my life as change, change, change, and it sucks eggs because of it. Okay, well, then, yeah, we're going to have a different belief system around what that change looks like. So I want to challenge you because it's the old cliches of like, oh, the only thing that is permanent is the permanence of change. Right. You know, and I say that jokingly, but that is true. And the speed of change, based on technology, based on, you know, artificial intelligence, based on, you know, all the different models and things that are happening in the world, it's going to change faster and faster. And that's driving a lot of people's anxiety. And so I just, I'm asking you to kind of take a step back and go, wait a minute, what if anxiety is a solvable equation and I don't give it more power than it needs? Because I've been told I have a label, I've been told I have a condition, I've been told I'm a certain way, and what if I can go? You know what? I get a certain feeling in my gut sometimes that it doesn't feel good. And these are the things that are happening when it happens. And I don't want to feel that anymore. So I'm going to change my outcome. I'm going to change my experience, I'm going to change my direction. I'm going to look at what my levels of uncertainty are, if I have any control over those, to look at my levels of powerlessness and see, like, okay, well, some people have anxiety over when they're going to die. I mean, guess what? I don't know too many people that know what that is like when you're going to die. And some people have massive anxiety. Why? Because they're total uncertainty and they have zero control or they don't execute some of the control that they might have based on how they eat, how they sleep, how they exercise. Different things. Things. Right. So yes, there's some things I can do, but I don't control. If I walk out tonight and get hit by a bus, right? So there are certain things. I mean, I guess I do if I didn't look both ways. So, yes, there's things you can do, but when, when the divine comes calling, then that's going to be it, right? And so, so some people freak out about that. I just choose not to. I choose to focus on things that I can control and the things that I'm certain about. And I have absolute certainty that I'm doing the best that I can at every given moment. And when I do things that are destructive to myself, to the relationships around me, to those. When I have that moment, that momentary lapse of reason, as Pink Floyd said back in the day, when I have those, like I'm human, I'm going to have these different times when I'm not at optimal performance. And as your coach and as your, as your podcast host, I'm just sharing truth with you. Those things happen, but my God, did they happen way less than they used to and I catch them so much faster and now I just able to. Oh, that doesn't feel good. I, at the time I'm recording this, I had a conversation last night with the lovely Christy and said, man, I've got this feeling and I'm just having a little bit of a hard time shaking it. And we had a great conversation. And then I did some, some behavior work with myself, I did some visualization work and eliminated that. Woke up this morning, got in state, bam, ready to rock. Let's do this. So I just want you to realize anxiety. I'm not minimizing it. I'm just saying don't give it more weight than it, than it deserves and realize that it's just tied to uncertainty and lack of control or lack of power to make a change. And the more we realize we're not in control anyway, the easier life becomes. That's what it's all about. Do me a favor, share this with somebody. Keep growing our community as I just drop on and share some stuff. Tell me this, did you feel better then when you jumped on? That's my goal. I hope I met my outcome today. I hope you feel better and I hope you have a better than fantastic week and make it an amazing one. Just make it amazing and I'll see you next week. Thank you for being here.