37. Leadership: Forget New Year's Resolutions, Do This

Foreign. Hey, my friend, welcome back to Leadership in a Nutshell where we're cracking the code of the driven mind. I am your host, Kenny Chapman, and this is episode 37. Forget New Year's resolutions. Do this. Stop the insanity, stop the presses, give up already. Because the statistics say people are going to anyway. But hey, check it out. Let's talk about New Year's resolutions, my friend. They do not work. I've been saying this forever, as long as I can remember, as soon as I got consciously clear and aware and educated myself of what actually drives change and human behavior change, long before I wrote the Six Dimensions of Change, which 2.0 is out, by the way. But when you think about, you know, New Year's resolutions, it's just a time of year, you know, at the time that I'm publishing this episode, we're going to be a few days behind, you know, past the New Year. And what's fascinating is the statistics behind it. But I just get blown away when you look at the mass, like what people do as the masses. And I, I live my life largely by kind of a core belief that if most people are doing it, it's probably not good for Kenny Chapman, like almost whatever it is. And I'm not trying to be some non conformist. I'm not saying I'm anybody else. All I'm saying is I like to think differently and I like to get results that I desire. And what I see is, by and large as humanity, most people don't get results that they desire. Also, most people's behavior does not line up with what they say that they want. If you want to understand what is important to people, look at them, ask them some questions, ask them about their spending habits, ask them about their eating habits, ask them about their workout habits, ask them about their personal relationships, all kinds of ways to show up as to what's truly important to people. But when we say that we want certain things, there's a challenge with that. And that's the issue that I have with New Year's resolutions. And by the time you're listening to this, what we know is in the first week, statistically, 27% of New Year's resolutions will die. Go to their grave in the first week. Literally. Now I'm publishing this episode five days after the first of the year and meaning almost over a quarter of people that said I'm going to do something aren't already doing it. Now, I'm not saying that's you. And if you're still rocking and rolling, good for you. But overall, 80% of New Year's resolutions. Put it in air quotes. Are going to fail. Why? Let's talk about what to do differently, because here's the reality. I'm a change expert. I'm a behavior change expert. I'm a winning expert. I want you to improve your performance, improve your life, improve your wealth, improve your happiness, improve your leadership ability, improve your influence. Everything about your being in this world, I. I want you to improve it. But it doesn't come from one word. That is the core pinnacle reason that people implement a New Year's resolution. Wait for it. Should. Oh, feel like I got kicked in the gut right now. And you quote should, too. How about that? You see that play on words. I'm messing with you and I love it. So here. Here's the reality. New Year's resolutions don't work because they're based on should. Oh, my gosh, Kenny. It's the end of the year. I should have a New Year's resolution. I'm going to, you know, hook up with some friends. Or maybe I'm going to do a zoom call based on 2020. And we're going to talk about. Oh, everybody's going to be talking about their resolution. Everybody's talking about a new year. Everybody's ushering out 2020 and wanting to welcome 2021. And what they're going to do, meaning what they should do. Over half of people are going to have losing weight tied to their New Year's resolution. Why? Because they should lose weight. Why? Because they are overweight. Why? Because they don't eat correctly. Why? Because they don't work out. Because they. Here's the reality. At the end of the day, they should not do anything other than what they want to do with a strong emotional tie and a why behind it. Because when I get stuck with shoulds, then it's hard to get a commitment going. So New Year's resolutions don't work because it's based on a should. And a should lacks commitment. Because I'm doing it. Because I should, not because I have to. I must. I desire it. I'm worth it. All of the great reasons to create a massive change in your life, my friend. And the other thing that. That we have to acknowledge, I already mentioned it, but it's timing. New Year's resolutions fail because of timing. Like, are you really going to change your entire life? Are you really going to finally get into your. Your pants that you want to put on or the dress that you've been wanting to wear? Or whatever it is. Like, literally, when you think about, are you going to finally do that because the calendar says it's time, or because you gorge yourself through the holidays and then you're, oh, I'm going to do that. Stop kidding yourself. I love you and I want the best for you. So that means I'm going to tell you the truth. And here's the reality today. Before I came in the studio to record this episode, I Googled New Year's resolutions. And I don't know what the numbers are going to be by the time you would do it if you do it. But I got 35 and a half million. 35 and a half million. Check it out. Responses to New Year's resolutions. Think about that. Let that land for a minute. 35.5 million things came back when I searched New Year's resolutions. Why? Because people also want to know what other people are doing. Blows my freaking mind. There's lists that go back. Well, the most popular New year's resolutions in 2018. Most popular in 2020. Here's what's going to be the most popular in 2021. Like, stop the insanity. What do you want for you? Who do you want to be when you grow up? It's time to start stepping into that, my friend. Come on. It's about creating this gap that you have where you are, where you want to go. In business, we call it a gap analysis. You figure out those things. How are we going to close that gap? I mean, I'm so passionate about this. In 2012, I wrote a column for PM Magazine that was entitled Revelations, Not Resolutions, and I proceeded to bash New Year's resolution. So here I am nine years later, and I'm bashing them once again. Why? Because nothing's changed in nine years other than the fact that resolutions still don't work and insane people are still thinking they're going to work for them. Now, if you're one of those insane people that said it, don't cut me off. Don't be pissed off. Just own what what I'm saying and understand. Good for you. If it's working for you, what does that mean? That. That means that you have a commitment. That means that you have more emotion tied to it. It means that something has happened when you finally want to do something different. I know for me, when I quit drinking, finally, it's been a long time now, but when I made that decision, it wasn't based on calendar, it wasn't based on time. Literally, the day that I made the choice, I Did not get up that day with that intention. I had a life experience that wasn't a bad experience even. I've had a moment, and I decided and that, okay, I'm done. I'm done for the rest of my life. And literally that moment in time began my entire life as a sober person. So what's fascinating is it can't be just like, oh, well, one day, what's going to happen? This and that. Check it out. I actually. I had a buddy that quit smoking one year on New Year's Eve. It was when we were out partying back then, and it was literally midnight. Now, anybody that's been a smoker, I can speak to this. If you're drinking while you're smoking, what happens? You smoke a lot more cigarettes, let's be honest. And so here we are, we're at literally a party at his house, and he says, I'm gonna quit smoking at midnight. I'm gonna be done literally in the middle of the party. Cause guess what, let's be clear. We didn't go home at midnight. The party kept on going after midnight. He's took his last cigarette smoke at whatever, 11:30 to, to 11:59, I guess he smoked his last cigarette, set him down, boom, he quit. It was fascinating to me that he quit and he quit and he went year after year. But what was interesting, he now smokes two packs a day. He quit for like seven years, my friend. But guess what? He didn't have enough of emotional tie because he quit as a New Year's resolution. Now, I'm not dogging that. My heart goes out to him that he started again, but he didn't have the awareness that he was susceptible to it. When he started dating a lady that was able to smoke on occasion, and she would smoke when she drank. And then one night he said, hey, give me a drag of that. Boom. That was it. Any smokers understand that risk right now? Why do I bring this up? I bring this up because I want you to win. I bring this up because there's four things I want you to think about when it comes to setting a goal or creating a massive behavior change in your life. If you want to set a resolution, all you're looking to do is change a behavior in your life. And so the first thing that you've got to have is clarity. And it's the first dimensions of change in the six dimensions of change. But the reality is you've got to want it, You've got to desire it. You've got to want it bad, my friend. And what, when it comes to, oh, I want to lose some weight, how bad do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to replace? What are you willing to do instead? You've got to have clarity about what it is that you want, number one. Number number two, you've got to understand why you want it and you've got to allow the emotion to fill in. I know in the past I got ballooned up. I got pretty big a couple different times in my. Well, certainly in the last 20 years. And one was when the lovely Christy and I were on a six month motorhome trip. I took a sabbatical from my business. Physically, not mentally, I still checked in. It was before Zoom and all that different type of video conferencing, but I still would check in on, on my company with phone calls and different things. And we took a six and a half month motorhome trip and we cruised around to 27 states and in all the different things that we did. But Kenny sat in board shorts and flip flops for first 45 days of that trip. And I drank and I ate what I wanted to and all these different types of things. And then all of a sudden I had an event and I put on my suit pants and went, oh man, these are a little bit snug. And then I didn't have an event for another 30 days and we kept on doing what we did and ate what we wanted and didn't really work out a lot. And the next thing you knew, I couldn't button my pants. And I went, oh, here's the reality, I've had it. And I want to create a change because I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to look like this and I don't want to keep on ballooning up. I want to travel, I want to have experiences, but I don't want to feel like this anymore. Created emotional tie to it. Then the third thing I want you to be mindful of is challenging and choosing your environment. You got to be careful of who you're hanging out with. You got to know that your peers send massive messages. The environment you choose to live in is definitely going to impact your kind of odds of success. Now obviously, ultimately it's up to you, your own commitment level, but it's easier to commit when there's committed people around you. Maybe you're trying to commit me to the crazy home because that's where I belong, because I feel like I'm crazy half of the time. But at the end of the day, it's easier to do yoga in a yoga class because you've got yoga people around you. It's easier to run when a runner's group because everybody's doing it. I want you to think about what those things look like. Is it better to easier to succeed in a business environment if you join a group where you have like minded business owners around you? It's just straight up the way human behavior is. You've got to be mindful of it and embrace it. The last thing I'm going to encourage you to do is write about your results. I'm a big fan of journaling. If you haven't got that by now, I'll continue to talk about that throughout this podcast because capturing information and journaling can be a negative connotation word for a lot of people. I know it was for me. I use it now because that's just what I call my morning activity. But writing about results is really what I do every day. I can, I can call it journaling, but I'm just writing about what went well in my day. I'm writing about how I showed up. Well, I'm writing about what didn't go well or didn't go as planned, where I didn't show up as planned or at my best self, I write about those things. And when it comes to setting a behavior change goal or deciding to do something different, even if it's under the veil of a resolution, when you write about your results on a daily basis, you have a better chance of making conscious decisions to stay on track. Or if you don't want to do it because it was a should, Then set yourself free. Let yourself off the hook, I should say. And enjoy your life being who you want to be. Get clarity, understand your strong why behind it. Challenge and choose your environment and write about your results. Good or bad, positive or negative. Just write about where you're at and be easy with yourself. I said it last week when we were talking about getting into more presence. Be easy with yourself, my friend. No perfection, only progress. I'm Kenny Chapman, the host of Leadership. In a Nutshell, this has been episode 37. Forget your new Year's resolutions. Do this. Give us a rating. Give us a review. Share this episode with somebody that it might benefit. I will be forever grateful. Until we talk. Make it a better than fantastic day. We'll talk to you soon.