69. The REAL War - Fear and Confidence

Foreign. Kenny Chapman here, your host of Leadership in a Nutshell. I want to welcome you back. This is episode number 69, the Real War. Fear and confidence. That's the real war. There's a lot of wars going on, whether it's homeland or overseas or different borders or different drug wars or all kinds of different stuff goes on, right? We have all these different things. I was honored to serve in the United States army and I fought, quote unquote, in the first Gulf War, is what they called it Desert Shield, which turned into Desert Storm while I was over in the Saudi Arabian and Iraq desert back in the early 90s. And you know, have a different view. And I think about all the conflict in the world and division within, you know, within societies and different things happening. And as home service professionals, as leaders in service businesses, I think it's super important that we're mindful of what's real to us. What are the actual wars going on or what are the wars that I can participate in, right? So there were plenty of people that helped fight that war, quote, unquote, of the Gulf War, but they weren't boots on the ground like I was in the actual activity, right? And so when you think about your own business, when you think about your industry, when you think about your market, when you think about your competition, all these different types of things can kind of come to mind of like, oh, that's a war that I'm fighting. We want to win the war. The war is the 12 month income statement. The battle is each month within that. And then we have different divisions of the battles of, okay, I was in the third Armored Cavalry Unit and that would be my H. Vac division, right. If I was the United States army or whatever the case is, it doesn't matter how we count it, how we slice it, you are a leader. You are in influencing and impacting change in your organization. And it's super important to take a step back and go, okay, cool, that's fine. But what does this mean to me? Well, the real war, fear and confidence. And I would challenge you to kind of think about even any of the big global wars or the different things that happen in pandemics and economic cycles and growth cycles and downturns and whatever the case may be. Fear and confidence are major drivers. And I believe that those two are kind of always at war in our minds, in the minds of our leaders, in the minds of collective societies as a whole. And as a business leader. I just wanted to encourage you today in episode 69 to really take A step back and see what does this mean to me as a leader? How am I showing up for my team? You've probably heard me talk about fear before. And if you haven't, it won't take you very many episodes to realize that. I'm a proponent of handling fear, addressing it, not pretending like it doesn't exist, not honoring it and understanding what we can learn from it. But the reality is, I spent a lot of my time in my life. I've had a lot of clients that are very invested in fear based thinking and fear based programming from parents, peers, previous experiences, all the different beliefs that we've had, that if I lose my fear, I'll lose my edge, I won't be as hungry, I won't be driven, I won't become a market leader, I won't remain a market leader. See what I did there? You might be afraid you won't become a market leader. If you're already a market leader, you might be afraid that you will remain being a market leader. And you go, well, hang on, wait a minute. So you're saying the people on top are afraid and the people trying to get to the top are afraid. And this is all fascinating human psychology to me, and I want you to take and use it for what it's worth. But the reality is everybody is scared. I've talked about that on previous episodes and based on some interesting things happening in the world at the time I'm recording this episode, I just want to remind you of that it's okay. It doesn't mean that it's not okay to honor some concern or some challenging times or some uncertainty, perhaps. We've talked a lot about uncertainty on this podcast in different episodes. But fact of the matter is, how is fear really serving you? And we see it in the trades with the different acquisitions and Wall street meeting Main street and Wall Street's AF of certain things and Main Street's afraid of certain things and everybody's afraid of what the next move is going to be and who's going to do what and are we going to be able to get supplies and are we going to be able to get financing and what's going to happen with marketing and how's technology going to impact and is everybody going to go to work for Amazon or Google Home Services? Like, hang on a sec, man, what about you? What about your team? What about what's going on right now? Because fear is driven on the past and the future. There's nothing to be afraid of right now. There's nothing to be afraid of today. And you go, well, Kenny, you're going into ostrich approach. That's your head in the sand kind of a thing. And it's like, you can believe whatever you want to believe, but what I know is that you're afraid because you're thinking based on an understanding of what happened yesterday and. Or you're thinking about a perpetuation of what may or may not happen tomorrow, maybe next month, next year, next quarter, so on and so forth. When we really take a step back and kind of honor our truth and realize, wait a minute. If everybody's kind of running around scared, is that who I want to be? Ask yourself that question. Do I want to be scared in this human experience? Yes or no? For me, I would say no, but I really kind of still did because I was still doing the things and having the activities and operating with some of the same beliefs. I hadn't changed my mental state capacity. The activities I was doing, the peer group that I was around kind of kept me in that perpetual state of fear. So it's okay as you elevate your awareness, which awareness doesn't mean anything until it turns into action, but you first go, do I want to share my human experience however long I'm here, Do I want to do it afraid of everything? Or do I want to develop new levels, new areas of confidence? Because what we know is confidence is a really powerful thing. Confidence is also a byproduct of. Of experience. What else do we know? Confidence creates calm. And we talked about this in previous episodes around uncertainty and leadership. And I'm kind of banging a vulnerability drum, if you will, right now with clients. And it's important to be vulnerable. It's important to show your true colors and show the world and your team that you're real. And the fact is, it's okay to be scared as long as you're understanding what it is you're afraid of, what it means to you and what you're doing moving forward. I'm not trying to eliminate or minimize any emotions or anything that you might be dealing with. If anything, I want you to lean into them more. Because I know from my M.O. in my past and many clients I've worked with, I see that I'm afraid of that. Therefore, I'm going to go home and open a drink or have a bottle or, you know, smoke a joint or whatever the case is and see if that might minimize my fear. And I'm being transparent. I just talked about vulnerability. But when I started my recovery path, A long time ago. Now to committing to sobriety for life and different things. I'm not asking you to commit to sobriety for life. I'm asking you to look at what it is and where you're using certain things to minimize fear or to put a band aid on fear, if you will. Right. So the fact of the matter is, if confidence creates calm, what do I want my culture to be? How do I want my other leaders in my organization to feel? How do I want my frontline team to feel, show up and respond? Because they are getting fear perpetuated to them nonstop through traditional media, through the news, through social media, through peer groups, through filters of information that you get all this different thing. It's a full on assault of their attention and it largely resides around fear. Now, you, as a leader, as a conscious, aware human being that's doing the best they can with this driven mind that you've been gifted with or cursed with, as I used to think mine was a curse more than a gift. Right? There's a Jay Z reference for you. But you know, as we think about it, it's really about, man, my confidence really does create calm. And it doesn't mean I have it all figured out. It doesn't mean I know what's going to happen. I have no idea. We might have pandemics for the rest of our lives. We might have to get in bubbles and ride around in bubbles. I never thought we'd wear masks every day. I never thought the government would roll out the change in the forcing and the division that we've seen in this short period of time. So all I know is I don't know. But what I do know very clearly is what I can control. And that's my own understanding of who I am, why I'm here, what I do on a daily basis, and how I manage my emotional regulation. Write it down. We've talked about it a lot. I want you to remember the power of emotional regulation. There's confidence that comes from emotional regulation when you don't fly off the handle. I used to throw things at my TV set when the San Diego Chargers would be losing a game. And I know they've moved, but they're still my Diego Chargers now. And I'd get so pissed off, my friends about football and baseball and playoffs and things I had no control over, when I just laugh because I laugh at myself now of my lack of emotional regulation. I'm in a good mood if the Chargers win. I'm in a bad mood if they lose. By the way, newsflash, if you don't follow football, they didn't win very much. So I'm setting myself up for failure. And I laugh at this. I digress. But go with me just for a moment on this. Anybody that's any kind of sports fan in any sport at all. It's funny because people go, oh, you're a fair weather fan. Oh, you like the Patriots. Oh, you like the Cowboys back in the day. You like the 49ers back in the day, or the packers or whatever dynasties have been. There was even a little one in Denver for a minute, even though I wasn't a Bronco fan. We call them fair weather fans. Why? Because they want to feel good. They want to win somewhere in their life. And now I just laugh about it because, like, what an idiot I am staying, you know, sticking around with the team where I haven't lived since I was 6 years old in San Diego. But that's my team and that's my identity. And now it's just great entertainment. And I love it, I enjoy it. But the fact is, it doesn't beg too much emotional regulation if you're not doing that. You know, this year, at the time I'm recording this, the Phoenix Suns were in the NBA Finals. And I don't even watch basketball during the season. I love basketball. I played it growing up, and all of a sudden I get sucked in and I'm excited. The Suns are going to, oh, no, the Suns didn't win. And it's hilarious. So where else are you creating that? I'm not minimizing anything that's going on. I'm not minimizing any challenges in the marketplace, but I'm challenging you for your own emotional regulation. If you see a headline and it says nobody wants to work, you're going to buy that. If you go to a cocktail party or an event and everybody says, yeah, nobody wants to come into the trades, your emotional regulation, it's like a gut punch. It's like, oh, man, I knew it, I felt it, I saw it. We've been running ads instead of going, you know, maybe there's nothing wrong with the world at all. And maybe it's my own perception and my actions that I'm taking. Maybe I'm not elevating my confidence because I'm operating the same way that most of the world operates. And that does not beget confidence, that begets fear. Now, I have tremendous compassion for the universe, for the world, for humanity, for people living in it. Everybody's doing the best they can. And I believe that with every cell in my soul. But what I also know is just because other people choose pain doesn't mean that I have to. I don't have to choose fear when I can choose confidence. The universe doesn't care. It's up to you. The universe doesn't care if you're rich or you're poor. It doesn't care if you're fat or you're thin. It doesn't care if you're happy or you're sad. The universe is here to partner with your subconscious mind to run the program effectively that you give it. If you give it a program of fear, then it's going to run a very successful program of fear. If you give it a fear of elevating your confidence, guess what? It's going to run a very effective program of elevating your confidence. So what do we do? I'm going to. I just want you to think about three things here today. Number one, take action. Write it down. Take massive action. To have emotional regulation means that you're doing stuff in the world rather than creating the story. I talk about subconscious mind runs on two things, story and experience. And when we think about a story, maybe I'll run an ad. Maybe somebody will come to work. Maybe I can do go take some massive action. If you're running an ad and you're not getting results, ask some questions. Check in with your coach. Find out if there's some tweaking of vocabulary. Maybe you need to fish in a different pond. Whatever the case may be, look at taking massive action. Then. Number two, be mindful and kind of recognize true feedback, truthful feedback. I want you to honor what that is. And I don't mean like, I'm from the old school of kicking my own ass, like, oh, I suck at this. I'm terrible. All bad things on the planet happened because Kenny Chapman was born. I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about the fact of maybe if I don't have the business growth that I desire, maybe it has nothing to do with the market, the industry, or the talent pool. Maybe it has to do with how I'm thinking, acting, operating, or executing. What is the true, honest feedback that you need to be mindful of? And then based on that, tweak your approach, change your approach, adjust your approach, and take more massive action. My friends, it's called a feedback loop. You take action, you get feedback. You take more action, you get more feedback. It's really simple. The fact is, contracting is simple. Leadership is simple. Communication is simple. Everything in life is really simple. It just might not always be easy simply from the programming that we have instilled in this incredible computer called the mind, which is largely run in the background by that subconscious mind. That's what it's all about, my friend, the real war. Fear and confidence. Where do you want to show up? Whose side do you want to be on? It's okay. Honor your truth. Don't beat yourself up, but elevate that confidence. Keep going, keep pushing. Love to hear from you. Give us a like give us a rating Review. Share this with somebody that you care about. Somebody that could use a little shot in the arm every week. Like what we do for leaders like you in the driven mind. I'm Kenny Chapman. Your this is episode 69, Leadership in a nutshell. Until we talk, make it a better than fantastic week. See you real soon. Thank you.