78. Accepting Reality

Foreign hey, my friend Kenny Chapman here, your host of Leadership in a Nutshell, where we're cracking the code of the driven mind that we've been blessed with. I used to say, is it a gift or is it a curse? I know it's nothing but a gift as long as we figure out how to direct this incredible mind. So we are Leadership in a nutshell. Today's episode 78. And this is about accepting reality. And as a driven minded home service coach and spiritual leader and professional empowerment, individual and behavior expert and all the things that I carry labels and titles around, it's my honor to jump into today's episode. And it's something that's very near and dear to my heart. And I just want you to go on a little journey with me today. And if you're driving, make sure you pay attention to the road. But I'm going to ask you to just feel this episode a little bit as much as you kind of listen with me because we have an opportunity to really influence and impact your emotional regulation. And you know, last week when I talked about influence and is influence overrated? One of the influence triggers was emotion. And today I'm going to come to you from a place of a little bit of feeling because there's a lot of pain in the world and I believe that a lot of that pain is coming from today's topic and how we're going to frame and talk about that. So question for you as we kind of kick off here and I know we can't see each other and you have to just yell at the radio or yell into your AirPods or your Google Play headphones or your Beats by Dre, whatever you got in your ears today as we're playing full out, what creates pain? What are some things that create pain? And so I know if we were face to face and we were having a two way conversation, many of the things that would come up would be other team members not having enough calls, not having enough revenue, low sales, bad month, frustration in relationship, too much debt, too much struggle, putting too much on my plate, perhaps overwhelm, being blindsided by things that we didn't see coming, right? Like pandemics, being locked up in your house, like not being able to travel back, being told how you have to treat your body, being told where you can or can't go. There's all kinds of things that people tell me that create pain. And what I want you to think about today and one of my responsibilities as your host of Leadership In a Nutshell is Just to spit my truth, and you can decide what you want to do with it. But I have a divine connection, and I have a belief system, and I believe that what causes pain, what creates pain more than anything on the planet is. Is not accepting what is and what is already is before we know that it is. So you go. Hang on. Wait a minute, Kenny. I'm not going to give you a tongue twister, but let me see if I can say that a little faster. So what is already is before we even know that it is. Take Covid, for instance. I mean, I was the guy shooting video saying, we are not canceling an event no matter what happens on. I was shooting Facebook. We have an event coming up at blue collar, and there's no way we're canceling it. 24 hours later, I'm the guy going online, going, yeah, you know how I said we'd never cancel that? Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? We're canceling that event. And so the fact of the matter is, that event was canceled before I even knew it was canceled. And I was saying that it wasn't. I just didn't know. But what was already was. In that case, Covid was already here. The world was shutting down. That was a reality. I just wasn't aware of it. And then once it happened, I didn't want to accept it. Guess what? Open the door. In walks pain. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Next on the stage. We have pain here, right? So the fact of the matter is, like, it's one of those interesting things where it's like, man, what is this? What I gave you in the opener when I first started talking about, like, okay, what creates pain? We have all these symptoms. We have all these circumstances. We have all these reasons sometimes, you know, and there's two things that we kind of take responsibility for when we say, well, is there pain involved? Well, there's circumstances that can create pain, and there's choices that can create pain, right? And so sometimes I'm responsible. I made a bad choice. I made a bad hire. I. I chose the wrong partner. I chose the wrong marriage. I chose a bad investment, whatever it is, right? So, okay, there's choices, and then there's circumstances. Holy crap. I had nothing to do with COVID And here we are, right? So there's those types of things that happen. However, also in the home service space, we had a circumstance that we were deemed as essential workers. So we were able to stay open, and we were able to run our businesses to the best of our ability when other people also didn't choose Covid. And their circumstances were, you are completely shut down, Open the door and enter restaurant pain, right? So the reality is that there's all kinds of different ways that pain can show up in life. And so as long as we're going external and we're labeling these things and going, well, it was that circumstance, it was that choice, it was that person, it was that situation, whatever that is, then I'm going to be on an emotional roller coaster. And part of my mission and my drive in life is to help you get off the emotional roller coaster and find more what we call emotional regulation. And one of the easiest ways to find emotional regulation is to begin accepting reality. And that's why I wanted to come to you today, where there's a lot of different things happening in the world. There's a lot of things that will continue to happen in the world. Guess what, my friend, it's part of the human experience. As long as you are alive and well and breathing and having experiences on this incredible planet, you are going to experience what the world has labeled pain. I've talked sometimes about one of my mentors, Keith Cunningham, that he's written several great books, but one of them is the not the Road Less Traveled. The dang title just escaped me. Somebody put that in the comments for me. But Keith has written several great books. The Road Less Stupid, that was the name of the book, the Road Less Stupid. And he uses some strong words. I'm not big on the word stupid, and I'm not big on the word dumb. But he did teach me about dumb tax. And so I call it education tax, because I would rather have a smart tax myself than a dumb tax. But his point was, you make a mistake, you have a circumstance, you pay some dumb tax. Okay, fine, I frame things. I believe words matter, and it's just my own choice. But what creates pain, it's not accepting what is. And what is is reality. And so I just have to hit you straight here today and help you realize, you know, sometimes when it comes to accepting reality, we have to go against the grain of collective conscious. And right now we're in a world where there's a collective consciousness that is somewhat supportive of victimization. And the world is happening to me, and circumstances are happening to me, and people are happening to me, and government is happening to me, or clients are happening to me. Whatever it is, stop with the victimization and let's realize every single thing I just said is happening for you. But that's a choice in how you view it. Isn't it? And so you go, no, no, Kenny, you don't understand. I have this belief. Fine, have whatever belief you want, but realize that you can't change what is. And at the end of the day, oh, my God, Kenny, you don't understand my market. It's so hard to hire people. Cool. Great story, bro. Great story, lady. What are you doing about it? If you want to just beat the drum, that's cool. Beat the drum. But you're being a victim about what is. And I'm coming from a complete place of love right now. I want to help get you out of pain. And when you deny what is, when you don't accept reality, when you wish something was different than it is, that creates pain. Now, I'm going to give you four things of how to deal with this in just a moment. But let's realize that it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck. Please understand. I'm not saying that it's awesome that most markets in the United States, Canada, and Australia are struggling to hire people. I'm not saying that that's an amazing thing. I'm saying that it is reality. And until you accept that reality, you are literally blocking your energetic vibration of solving that challenge that you have in your life. And most people are going to hang around talking about it and having different conversations and bitch sessions and whining sessions and victim sessions instead of going, damn, I wouldn't have chose this. But this is what it is, and let's figure it out. I was at an event recently that there was a great speaker that spoke, and he talked about the fact that he was an Indian gentleman and he was from India, got here in 1986 from India. Chris Donum is his name. He came up in the Ziglar organization. I got to see him speak many years ago. So I definitely wanted to see him speak at this event. And he said, you know, what's interesting is I'm not from here. I was born in India, still have family in India. And he said, what's interesting, though, is people in the United States, Canada, and Australia, like, we're talking about how hard it is and how awful it is and all these things. He said something powerful that I want you to just let resonate with you whether you're in Australia, the United States, or Canada. Doesn't matter. He said this. If you can't make it here, don't pack. Like, literally, you know, oh, my gosh, it's so bad. And, okay, cool, it's bad. It's not what you would have chosen. Everybody gets it. You got a great story. I'm down with it. Now let's talk about what is. And what is where we set ourselves free. When we accept it and go. It doesn't mean you like, it doesn't mean you would have chosen it, but it is what it is, right? You ever had parental challenges? You ever had relationship challenges? You have, like, hey, might not have seen that coming, but that's what it is. And there's that old saying, and people don't lie. Oh, yeah, it is what it is. Well, sometimes that gets over. You know, cliches get overused, but they become cliches because there's generally value in there, right? So let's talk about radical acceptance for a moment before I get you out of here today. And I'm going to give you four things to practice. This is a practice thing. Practice doesn't make perfect. Practice makes permanent. And when you learn to radically accept what's going on in your world, in your life and your relationships and your communication, when you start taking ownership and responsibility for where you come in to play the game of life, damn great things happen. That's when it really starts unlocking your own greatness. Here we go. Number one, be aware of when you're resisting or fighting it. So when we're talking about reality, we're talking about what is. Just be aware. It's okay. Like when I talk about, oh, man, we can't hire in our market. Just catch yourself saying that. Catch yourself going home and venting to your family about it. Catch yourself being in a coaching group or best practices group situation and. Or being on online forum or something. And when you join in the conversation complaining about what's going on, just be aware of it. It realize, man, I'm resisting this or I'm fighting it. That's step one. Step two is realizing and honoring that, hey, what's done is done. That's it. That day I literally, I shot that video and said, blue collar will not cancel an event under my watch. And then I found out, like, it's illegal to have an event. We are not going. I went, oh, okay. Well, I talked to the lovely Christy and went, guess what? We got to cancel the event. And I went, huh, well, that sucks. But what's done is done. That's it. I got to get back on video and go, hey, by the way, we're now canceling that. It is what it is. It's done, right? So first off, we realize, when am I resisting or when am I fighting It. When am I like realizing, hey, it's done. I might not have chosen it, but it is done. Now I can begin the next level. That old saying that we use in coaching a lot in relationships, for sure, you have to have endings to have new beginnings in life. And you don't have the ending until you honor that. Hey, this is done, whatever it is, right? So it's like, hey, this is done. This event is not going to happen. I got to get clarity about that. It's done. Then I move to step three and I embrace and I honor my feelings and I have my temper tantrum and I kick and scream like a little kid when I used to do in my room in small town Colorado and kick my feet and do my air kicks and my frustration and maybe cry and maybe curse and maybe yell and whatever that is, and I get it out and I embrace it and I go, dang it, this sucks, man. We had this money invested in this event. We were planning on doing this. The chance to change people's lives. This is what we're all about. It's in our truth and our purpose. And this sucks. Okay, cool. Embrace it. It sucks, Kenny. That's fine. I'm aware that I'm resisting it. I realize it's already over and it's done. Now I'm just going to honor. I'm not going to lie to myself or tell myself a story like, wow, this is awesome. I. I might get there. Where to where I'm at now, I believe that this is one of the greatest opportunities that happened to myself and my team from. I mean, I don't have any favor on anybody that got sick or any of my team members that have struggled or their family by any stretch. Please don't take this out of context, but I will tell you that there's been massive benefit I did not see coming when I was shooting those videos. So I'm embracing. Oh, man, this sucks. I'm knowing that it won't suck forever, but it sucks right now. And then we move to the fourth thing and that is simply allowing the process, allow it to play out. Practice the process, realizing that this is not a one and done. Usually for most people we don't, you know, have a conversation and go, you know, today, my amazing listeners, I would like you to just focus on accepting reality because when you don't accept what is, you're going to be in pain. And all pain in your life comes from not accepting what is and what is already is before you realize that it is. Okay, thanks everybody. Until next week, right? It's like, hang on. Wait a minute. First off, you got to go. Dang, I am resisting this. I'm fighting this thing, man. Okay, cool. I get it. Doesn't mean I'm ready to accept it, but I'm fighting it. All right, well, crap. It's already done. So now I can keep on resisting and fighting it, but it's not going to change anything because the card is already played, the activities already happened, the event, circumstance, or choice is already played out. So now I'm going to embrace, like, man, it does not feel good at the moment, and I'm going to sit with that, and I'm going to honor it, I'm going to be with it, and then I'm going to let it continue to play out, and I'm just going to begin working on just accepting it. Allowance and acceptance sets you free, my friend. I hope today gave you some value. Please rate it, please like it, Please share this with somebody that could get some value, because there's a lot of pain out there, and a lot of that pain is from today's topic. We're not accepting reality or what is in our lives. I'm Kenny Chapman, your host of leadership in a nutshell. It is my honor to be with you here this week and every week until we talk, my friend, make it a better than fantastic week, and I'll see you real soon. Thank you.