79. Managers and Ego

Foreign. Hey, my friend, welcome back to Leadership in a Nutshell where we're cracking the code of the driven mind. For the home service professional just like you, I am your host, Kenny Chapman. This is episode 79 where we're going to talk about managers and ego. That's right, my friend. I study the ego a lot. I study the human brain, the mind, what makes us tick, the difference between conscious mind, the subconscious mind, the superconscious mind, like all the different things. And one of the things that I'm most fascinated by is the ego. And it is a tricky thing and it's definitely a challenging thing. It depends on schools of thought and your own belief systems and who you follow and what you study. You come across ranges of kill that ego, like just have a mass Freddy Krueger assault on that thing and kill it forever. To understanding that it might serve a purpose for you to. Well, there's no duality. And so you can't really have an ego and yourself to like anything and everything. Right? So I'll save those conversations for another time. But today I just really want to talk about how the ego shows up in the practical day to day operation of the business. And so there's definitely ego. And we all have ego within us in different levels. And it shows up in different ways, shapes or forms. Yes, it is very sneaky. And it can, you know, you can have it in check for a while and then it can rear its head up when you don't even realize it or expect it or however that plays out and shows up. But I got a question to kick in here with. Are managers better humans? I mean, think about it. Are managers better than the rest of the team? And as a manager, you better check yourself, right? Because here's a hell no, no, managers aren't better human beings. Management doesn't make you anything as a human any better, any different. It doesn't make you more, it doesn't make you feel, it doesn't make you love, it doesn't make anything other than maybe you have some different responsibilities, maybe you signed up for some different things, perhaps even your own consciousness needs a kick at a whole new level, whatever that is. It doesn't mean that managers are better. And yet a lot of managers adopt that philosophy, don't they? So the reality is a lot of times ego shows up in different ways, shapes or forms. And in our space, in our industry, in home service, a lot of managers came from the truck, came from the front line. A lot of call center managers were CSRs, a lot of service managers were technicians, a lot of sales managers were salespeople, A lot of owners were all of those things. Right? And so we've got to watch out and no matter what your level in the business and I would encourage you to pass this episode around to other managers that, you know, like send them an email with a winky face like, just like, hey, by the way, you might want to listen to. I'm not saying you might have some ego, but I'm just saying Kenny made a pretty good few points here today because I'm going to share six things to really watch out when it comes to ego in managers. Whether it's you watching out for yourself or you watching out within your team and helping your other managers in your business, be mindful of how these things show up. And so at Blue Collar, our team does a lot of on sites, we do a lot of management leadership coaching. I have a couple clients I personally work with directly where I work with leadership teams. And I'm able to see where ego shows up in different ways, different levels. And what I know is that as it's tricky, it takes a certain level of awareness to really capture it and really not capture it like we're going to drag it out of the room, but capture it when it's in its glory, when it's thinking that it is special, when it it is creating division, when the ego attaches to I'm better than, I know more than. And when do we know that somebody's operating in ego? There's all kinds of different areas, but one of the ways is that I know more than you. And so why do I become a manager because I know more than you. Well, guess what? There's a difference between confidence and self image and self worth. And confidence has to do with a skill set. So I might know more than you as a manager in a particular skill set. So therefore I might have some confidence, but I might not know more than you about being a well adjusted, loving human being, having an amazing life experience. And so therefore I'm no better than you. And when we get human to human, that's when we change the game. And yes, this is a leadership podcast. And yes, I spend a lot of my time coaching around business, but personally I spend most of my time creating coaching and creating programs around life architecture leading to life mastery, because that's what I'm about. It's about emotional regulation. It's about setting you free. And it is impossible to set yourself free or those around you when you're grounded in egoic. Behavior. So one of the ways it shows up is like, oh, well, I know more than you. So check this out. Have you ever had this experience where you meet somebody or you're talking to somebody? You could be doing dumpster talk. You could be at a cocktail party, you could be on the golf course, you could be at a game, whatever it is. And somebody goes, oh, hey, by the way, did you hear about so and so? And my response is no. Here's ego. What? Oh, you didn't hear? Oh, my gosh, you're not going to believe, man. Wait, okay, so check this out. Check this out. Here's where it all. Ego. Oh, my God. Their ego is so raved up and all fired up and excited because their ego knows something that I don't know. Therefore, it feels superior, it feels better than. And we've got to check that. We've got to watch out for that. That. Because that is not where we create authentic human connection, authentic communication, authentic moving the needle, if you will. Right. A couple episodes ago, I talked about influence and is it overrated? Ego's definitely overrated. Right. And so that doesn't create positive influence. So I just want you to be mindful in yourself and in others and be easy with yourself. This is a process, right? And kind of like last week when I talked about accepting reality, I think there's a balance and a way that we need to be mindful of when this shows up and catch yourself. Whether it's with your kids, whether it's with your intimate relationships, whether it's with team members, whether it's, you know, if you're listening to this and you're an up and coming manager or leader or a service tech that wants to become a leader, whatever it is, which everybody's leaders in their own right. But the fact is, if you're training the newest apprentice, where's your ego showing? Oh, look at this. I know how to do this job and you don't. Or like, hey, I know how to do this job because I put in some blood, sweat, but tears, time, energy, effort. And now I'm honored to have the opportunity to share some of that with you. Right? So one of the opportunities that I get to be involved in spiritual leadership, in mindful leadership, in emotional leadership, in strategic leadership, and all the areas that I get to help and influence people, it's because I've created a lot of pain for myself. And I went through addiction, I went through challenge, and I went through multiple marriages, and I went through a biker father and a fundamentalist Christian mother and I went through all kinds of different things in order. That doesn't make me any better. All it does is give me some experience that I can speak my truth from the heart. And that's what we're doing here today. So here we go. Six areas of where we go. Hey, watch out for this. Okay? Number one, personal agenda over the organization win. So we see this a lot of times in service managers that were promoted or become managers within the organization, Right? So I become a manager, or I'm the service manager turned ops manager, whatever it is, or I'm an owner. So I've been an owner a long time, whatever. If there's a personal agenda that's looking to win above and beyond the organization itself. So have you ever seen this manifest? I can't see you, but I see your head shaking. Give me a. Yeah, Kenny, I've definitely Personal agenda where? Oh, a service manager doesn't want to work a day after a holiday, but wants all the texts to be on call. Personal agenda of I don't really want to be in early, but I need everybody else to be in early, whatever those are. Like, you know, a call center manager that. That doesn't want to ever take the phones on call, but everybody else needs to be on call, whatever that is. And I'm not saying that you haven't earned some stripes and earned your right as a leader to not do certain jobs. I'm just saying that you can't put your agenda over the organization winning. And when we do that, we know it's ego. Why? Because the ego wants to personally create division and be better than even the organization. Number two, external validation. Focus. So how does that show up? Oh, well, you know how much money I make. Hey, you know what kind of truck I drive? Oh, you got a service van. Oh, good for you. I got the big diesel truck. I got a three quarter ton. You only got a half ton, whatever that is, right? Yeah. I used to have a company truck that had the signage on it, had the logo on it. But now I'm an operations manager. I don't even have to have the logo on my truck, whatever that is. Right. So we see it in different ways, shapes and forms. And so when you're attached to those things, please understand, I'm not saying don't make a lot of money. I want you to make all the money that your heart desires. I want you to drive every vehicle, whatever it is that your heart desires. What I'm saying saying is when you create division or you feel that you're special, better than or something different because of those things. That's ego popping up and you're defeating it by external validation. How else does external validation show up? It shows up through title. Oh, yeah, no, I've got this title. I'm the service manager. I don't go do those things. Now we see these things show up, right? You know what I'm talking about. So be mindful of when external validation is driving behavior. We even see it with lunches like, oh, I'm the service manager. I'm going to take this particular technician to lunch this day and I'm going to take a two hour lunch or whatever. There's ego around that because I've earned this right. I put in my strides. Trust me, I speak truth, my friend. I've been there, I've done it. I've been that way, I've led that way, I've managed people that way. I've had managers within my organization a lot of different things. We got to check that ego, my friend. Third thing, we project blame versus taking ownership or responsibility. Oh, no. Well, it's because of that or excuses show up. Now, I'm not saying that there's ever reasons that things don't play out or we don't hit goals or we don't hit KPIs or certain key performance indicators. But the reality when I blame other things, well, I couldn't have hit the budget. I didn't have the weather. Oh, I couldn't have hit the budget. We can't hire anybody. Oh, I couldn't have hit the budget because Jimmy was in a funk. I couldn't have hit the budget because Sally didn't want to be here, whatever that is. Rather than, yeah, you know what? I didn't hit the budget. And there's a lot of factors that went into that. But it's my responsibility and I'm going to take full ownership for figuring it out. I don't know what the answer is today, but I am committed to learning and growing and educating myself and understanding what the answer may be. So I cannot have this situation repeat itself in the future. It's easy to play the blame game. That's ego. Because the ego doesn't want to be exposed and called out and shown. Oh, man. Well, now I'm just like everybody else. No opposite of that is vulnerability, right? So let's be mindful of that. Number four, fear driven and a fear driver. So when managers and ego get together, I'm going to drive my culture by fear and I'm actually driven by fear. I'm afraid I'm going to get exposed. I'm afraid that I'm not enough. I'm afraid that I'm a, what do you call it, a poser. I'm afraid that I'm faking it until I make it. And because of all those things, I'm going to drive you and I'm going to lead you in that same way, shape or form. Again, my friend, not a thing I'm talking about on this list that I haven't experienced myself or created myself for those around me when I had lower levels of consciousness. That's all it is. You want to eliminate more ego from your life, elevate your consciousness level. It all ties to awareness and consciousness. But when we're working through it, we're like man, understand and be mindful of when you're driving fear or when you're actually driven by fear. Like, oh my God, we got to do this. Otherwise the sky's falling, we're all going to die. Oh my God, really? Is that really what's going on or is that a fear based, ego driven story? So be mindful of that. Number five, lip service and avoiding the real. Put in air quotes for me. Hard conversation. And I'd put it in air quotes because there's no such thing as a hard conversation. That's simply a label that the ego wants to place on it. I call it a conversation for clarity. You can choose to decide if it's hard or not. I can choose to decide if it's hard or not. But the reality is we need some clarity and we need to have a conversation about it. Whether it's performance, whether it's belief, whether it's integrity, whether it's ethics, whether it's attendance, whatever it is. There's oh, I'm going to have this heart. What we find in ego based leaders or when ego's showing up is like, we just give lip service. Yeah, it's really not that bad. No, no, no. Just do better next time. And then they turn around and go gossip or talk behind somebody's back. If you have leaders in your organization that are kind of avoiding the hard conversation, there could be some ego showing up and they just give some lip service to it. Watch out for that. Last and certainly not least, my friend. Ego based managers are control freaks. A lot of times they can't give up control. They can't delegate things because they are afraid. Again, it's tied to fear. Control is tied to fear. Perfectionism is tied to fear. Procrastination is tied to fear. There are all kinds of things that fear drives, right? But being a control freak, and I'm not dogging you if you have control challenges and issues and opportunities. It's just where you're working through right now in your life experience and your human experience and your experience as a manager. That's okay. Embrace it. Use some of the tools. Go Back to episode 78 last week when we talked about accepting what is. Eh, I'm a control freak. Okay, cool. Accept it. That is what it is. Now let me realize I got to start working on this. I got to honor. Embrace it. But the fact is you're a control freak because your ego is afraid of being exposed or being found out or you need to come off as though you have it all together. You know everything and that's simply not necessary. And I get it. I have less control issues than a lot because I build self managing companies. I want to empower team. Matter of fact, I want zero control. I want to be in charge, but I don't want to be in control. And I think that there's a big, big difference there. And I'm not saying I don't have any ego or Kenny's got it all figured out. That's not what I'm saying with that. I'm just saying that a lot of people go oh well I want to be able to create a self managing business. Well then you better eliminate being a control freak because they don't go hand in hand. And you got to allow people to make quote mistakes. And sometimes when you think something is a mistake is one of the greatest things that happens in life and business. Right? So the reality is ego wants to sneak up and show up in all kinds of different ways. I'm encouraging you today. Watch out for it in yourself, watch out for it in others. Recapping We've got personal agendas over organization goals. We've got external validation, money trucks, titles, long lunches. We've got projecting blame about reasons that something doesn't happen. Instead of taking ownership and responsibility, we have driven by fear. Fear and therefore driving by fear. We've got lip service and avoiding the quote, hard conversations and we've got control freaks that show up. It's about watching that ego. It's about managing that ego. It's about elevating your conscious awareness and realizing when and how it shows up for you. Do me a favor, give us a like, give us a rating. Give us a review. Click on share this. If there's a click share button. If there's not, copy the URL, shoot me a Or do me a favor and shoot somebody a quick email or a text. With this episode, we'd love to keep growing our community together. I'm Kenny Chapman, your host of Leadership. In a nutshell, it's been episode 79 managers and egos. Until we talk. Make it a better than fantastic week. We'll see you real.