10 Ways for Fathers to Build TRUST with their Children
In this motivational talk, Kenston Henderson (author of Parenting Like a Boss) outlines ten concrete practices fathers can adopt to earn and strengthen trust with their children. He begins by urging dads to make their children the highest priority in the household, removing any excuses that place other activities above them. He stresses the importance of being physically and mentally present when a child wants to confide, listening without judgment, and cherishing vulnerable moments without exploiting them on social media. Henderson emphasizes keeping one’s word and following through on promises, maintaining consistent involvement in both sports and everyday life, and always speaking truthfully, even when the truth is uncomfortable. Drawing from his own book, he highlights that healed parents raise healed children, urging fathers to address personal addictions or emotional wounds. He advises trusting children to make decisions, supporting them when they err, and using age‑appropriate transparency to model vulnerability. He recommends shared media time—watching a Netflix, Hulu, or HBO Max series together—as a bonding ritual. As bonuses, he challenges dads to show their humanity by dancing in a parking lot to a favorite song and to reach out for mentorship if they feel unequipped. Throughout, he repeatedly calls viewers to share the video, purchase his book, and commit publicly to being present for their kids, framing trust as essential for a thriving parent‑child relationship.
Chapters
I want to give you, uh, my top 10 ways that you can build trust. All right, so number 1, number 1, make your children high priority. Now, if you're married, I, I, this is me, I believe spouse comes first and then comes the children. They are high priority. If you're not married, your children need to be highest priority. And remove every excuse if they are not. So if they're not number 1, they're not number 2, and they're not a high priority in your home, you've got to remove everything to make sure that they know that they are high priority. I can— I guarantee your trust level is going to go up in their lives if you make them high priority. All right, be there and be present when your child confides to you. You see, you know, there's, there's nothing like a, a, a father who's physically there, right? You're physically there, but you're really not there. You're checked out. You're, you're too involved with games. You're too involved in watching TV that you don't even know what's going on in your child's life. But when they get a moment and they wanna talk to you, they say, "Dad, hey, can I tell you about my day?" Or, "Dad, can I tell you about something?" And you're watching something, your attention is not there. That's gonna lose trust. So how we build it is be there for them, choose to listen to them. You see, young people are dealing with a lot more these days, dealing with the whole pandemic, dealing with hybrid schooling or being schooled at home. They're dealing with some things that we may not feel like they're dealing with, but I guarantee you, your trust level is gonna go up the more you're able to listen to them, not judge them in the moment, but help talk it out, but listen first. Listen first and help talk them out. Cherish, number 3 is cherish their vulnerable moments. And not exploit them in public. Cherish their vulnerable moments and not exploit them in public. For example, you know, if your son is afraid of heights, you ain't got to type it in the post and send it out in the Facebook world or Instagram world or Twitter world. No, they confided in you about their fear of heights, not for you to make fun of it. That just doesn't make sense. Again, we're talking about building trust with your young people. If they share something with you, with you, the father, that shouldn't be shared with the world. See, the world doesn't get access to those intimate moments between you and your children. Why? Because that's between you and your children. That's the bond that creates trust. Number 4. Uh-oh. Number 4. Keep your word. What? Yes, I said keep your word. I don't care to the day I die, actions speak louder than words. Somebody put that in the comment section. Actions speak louder than words. You see, we can tell our young people a dream. We can tell them, we're going to be there, but don't show up. I've seen so many relationships crushed because the lack of the follow-through. If your child knows that you're not going to follow through, that means the trust has been broken. If you tell them you're going to be somewhere for them and you don't show up, That loses trust. So guarantee you, as you be there, as you follow through with whatever words that come out of your mouth, you're going to begin to build trust and it's going to be very strong. So I encourage you to build trust. If you're watching this, share this video because all fathers around the world just need a tune-up. You know, this is Father's Day, Father's Day tune-up. So how can I be, be an even better father? Because don't think it's just for fathers who are not active and engaged. No, this is for fathers who are, but how can we add to it to be even more amazing? Listen, I want every child, every child to scream from the rooftops, "My dad is the best dad in the world." I want them to say that about you. I'm sincere about this. I want them to brag about you at every moment. Come on now. It works, it works. And so take it, take it, take it. Actions over words always makes more sense, okay? It makes a lot more sense. And so number 5, be consistent. Uh-oh. Be consistent in being actively involved in their lives. During sports and during life. I'll say it again, be consistent in being active, actively involved in their lives, not just sports, but sports and their lives. So that means you do have to intentionally spend some time with them. You do have to put down the joystick, or you do have to, you know, you can pick up the joystick and as long as they're right beside you, And y'all doing life together, then that's fine. But be consistent at being involved in their lives, even when it's things that you may not want to do. Uh-oh. Be consistent at it, because here's the thing. You're developing a bond. You're developing a relationship. You're developing a strong relationship. And by you spending that consistent time with them, you putting in time and it's going to pay off. It's going to pay off in the long run. I guarantee you it's going to build trust. Number 6, be honest. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. I teach honesty to my son all the time. Be honest. No matter the consequences, be honest. And I'm sure he's like, Dad, I don't know. I don't know what kind of trouble I'm going to get. Regardless of the trouble, regardless of the decisions, the reactions, you got to be honest because fathers, our sons and daughters, they need us to be that honest with them. Number 7 is one that I pulled from my book, Parenting Like a Boss. Where I said healed parents healed children. I said again, healed parents healed children. You see, if there is an unhealthy addiction and your children knows about it, that's in within you, Father, you gotta get healed from it. Because I can guarantee you trust is somewhere connected to it, that when they see you or when they hear from you, they're wondering about whatever that is. And whatever that is, that could be pulling you away from that relationship. And so I want to encourage you, brothers, healed fathers, healed children. The more you're healed, the better able you're going to be able to be the best father in the world for them. So do the work, do the work, do the work. Phone a friend, phone a counselor, phone somebody to help you get healed from that addiction, whatever it is. I'm cheering you on, your family is going to be cheering you on, and the people who truly love you who truly love you and have your best interests at heart are going to be cheering you on. That was number 7. Number 8, trust them to make the right decisions. So trust your children to make the right decisions and also be there when they don't make the right decisions. I know it could be tough. I know it could be tough because you taught them the right way to do things. They didn't listen, so they bumped their head and you told them like, I told you not to to do that, but sit them down. Don't scold them. Have them think it out loud. All right, so you made that decision. So tell me about it. So what can you learn from it? My father often said, he said when he got in trouble as a young person, his mom would say, well, so did you learn something? And it was a simple question. Did you learn something? Because we understand in life as adults that if we don't learn from the situation and we bumped our head and maybe got some stitches along with it, if we didn't learn, it's most likely going to happen again. So let your children bump their head, but be there to talk it out with them without judgment, but with love. You hear me? Without judging, but with love. Number 9, be transparent with them. And I'll say to a degree, as much as you can be transparent about the things that they may be experiencing and they may be going through, you're going to be the catalyst as the parent to help them get through it. You're going to be the one to say, I see, son, or I see, daughter. There was a time where I was experiencing this and it didn't feel good. Simple one like rejection. It's simple one like rejection because young people all over the world are experiencing rejection, but they're experiencing it alone. And so I can remember just like it was yesterday talking about— talking with my son about rejection. And I had to share with him an experience of my rejection to let him know that he's not alone, to let him know that his father is there for him and to walk through this journey of life with him. I guarantee you, trust is going to be built when you're a little more transparent. They don't need to know all the details. It's age appropriate, okay? But show them that you can be transparent. Show them that you can be vulnerable. And I guarantee you, your trust level is going to build with them. Number 10, you know, find a Netflix series, find a Hulu series, find an HBO Max series. I don't care whose series but find one that you and your child or your children can watch together. Make that a bonding time because again, you're going to find you're going to build connection based on that. You're going to build trust based on that. They're going to say, man, my dad is so cool. He is so cool. And we watch this show together. Listen, Take the time. Again, it may not be a show that you are interested in at all, but it ain't about you. No, but seriously, it's about building that relationship so that way you and your child build rock-solid trust. Trust is what we all want. So find that Netflix series. So those are my top 10. Make them high priority. Remove all excuses. Be there and be present when your child confides to you. Choose listen, don't— and do not judge. Number 3, cherish their vulnerable moments and not exploit them in public. Number 4, keep your word. Actions speak louder than words. Follow through. Number 5, be consistent in being actively involved in their lives, not just during sports, but also during life, their entire life. Number 6, be honest in telling the truth. Number 7, healed parents, healed children. Number 8, trust them to make the right decisions and be there for them if they don't make the right decisions. Have them talk it out. Self-reflect. Critical thinking. It all builds trust. Number 9, be transparent with discretion. And number 10, find a TV or a TV show or a series that you all can watch together and build a stronger trust bond. Now I'm gonna give you a bonus, y'all. I'm gonna give you a bonus. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. Let them know you're human, fathers. Let them know you're human, that you have a heart, that you have a sense of humor, that you can be cool dad by doing something funky. Now, this is a challenge that I gave to my parents in like the Boss group. And it was simply, find your favorite song that you know you like to turn up to or dance to. You know, just you're feeling yourself, put them in the car, get them all in the car, and you turn on that song and you go into the nearest parking lot. Make sure it's empty. The nearest parking lot, nah, it don't have to be empty, whatever your level of comfortability is. And turn up loud, jump out the car, and just start dancing. Like just get it in, you know? And I guarantee you, your children are probably gonna laugh their heads off at you, but it's still about building a bond of trust. They can trust that they can be themselves around you. They can trust and know that you're being yourself, your authentic self, when you're around them. Do it. I guarantee you. That's my challenge to you. I'm gonna give you one more bonus. If you say, Kenston, I don't know. I don't know about all this, you know, not in their lives too much. I really don't know where to begin. I didn't have a father in my life. I didn't have another man to mentor me or to coach me. Listen, we can go back to number 1. Remove all excuses. Think about a friend. Think about a person that you know. Even if it's me, reach out to me. Let's do life to make sure that you're an active, positive part of your children's lives. Because here's the thing, your children need you. They need you. Did you hear me? They need you. They don't need no one to step up and take your place. They need you. They want you. They desire you. They yearn for their father. And so I wanna encourage you, if you're sitting on the sidelines, my brother, who's a father, It's time to get in the game. It's time to put your big boy jeans on and get in the game because your young people need you. And you know, right now, listen, you know, my book is called Parenting Like a Boss. I got some special nuggets in there just for fathers. And if you desire this book, just go to my website, livewithlife.com. It'll be at the top, Parenting Like a Boss. If you purchase a copy, I'm gonna send you a second copy for free. I'm gonna send you a second copy for free because I want you to not be stingy, but I really want you to share it with other people, other fathers that you may know that need this book. And so I really need you to be the best father in the world to your young people. For my brothers, again, who are handling it, and most of the people I'm connected to, they're handling their business. But what more can we do? Right? I just asked my son today, Isaac, they took me out to lunch and I'm thankful for it. I asked him, how can I be an even better father to him? 'Cause I'm always about building, I'm always about taking it a step further, I'm always about leveling up. So that way he can never say, it can never come out of his mouth that my dad was not there for me. And if it does, he lying to y'all. But seriously, I encourage you brothers, fathers to really continue to parent like a boss, to be a dad boss, to do everything you can to be available for young people, because trust is so crucial in making sure you have a healthy, thriving relationship. And trust, we already know it's healthy for every relationship in life, but with your children, it's got to be a high priority. Just, just go ahead and repeat after me. I can, I will, I must be there for my children. Go ahead and say it again. I can, I will, I must be there for my children. I can't depend on nobody else but only myself. I can't control anybody else, but I control myself and make that commitment to be there for them. Listen, I'm cheering you on, fathers. I celebrate you, and I'm going to continue to encourage you. Share this video with a brother who really needs to hear this message. Share with them to say, hey, Listen to Kenston Henderson CSP EPIC Experiences. He's cool. Because our young people need us. They need us. So take care. Enjoy your Father's Day weekend. Turn up for Juneteenth. Celebrate it. Learn about it. Get involved in it. So peace and blessings. Take care.
