Reborn To Inspire Ep4- Featuring CEO Kenston Henderson Sr.

So you've been working on Zoom a lot lately?

Actually, I'm not a techie guy. I just started with Zoom. You know, they have this option of the live with Facebook. It takes time to log in, and I think that we are live.

Oh yes.

We live. You can see me?

Oh yeah, great.

All right, so, um, hello everybody, we are back with another episode of the series Reborn to Inspire, and today I have a special guest, um, whom I met in 2016. But, you know, there are some people where you can— where when you meet them, maybe for the first time, you feel that you connect together, even though if, you know, a few years pass by and you're not meeting physically, you feel that you're still connected because Somehow, within the spirit, you have, you know, same, you share same values, you share same objective. And here I'm talking about adding value to others and so forth. So I'm happy, because when I asked him to join me in my series, he did not bring any type of, you know, I can or cannot. He just said, okay, I'm willing to, and here we are talking to my good friend Kenston. Kenston, how are you doing?

I'm doing well. I'm doing so well. I'm thankful to be a part of this and, and us to get back together after all these years, man. So like you said, it's been a kindred, uh, just a connection, you know, a synergy that we had. And, um, no, like, I don't think— I don't feel like there was any barriers that stopped us from connecting. It was just that genuineness of you know, respect and care and just being a great human being. Like, you know, it was easy, right? Yeah, like we didn't even have to work at it. Like some, you know, some relationships you have to work at. No, it's just like an instant— like we purposed to do this thing, and so, you know, it made it so easy, right?

Yep, yep, I agree. So, uh, Kenston Henderson CSP EPIC Experiences, I'm gonna start with you with the first question that I always start, and we just, you know, we just go from this question and things just pop up and we ask about whatever comes within the conversation. But my question is, I want you to share with us the major event. I know that we go through several events in our life, but there are some major events where We feel that it's over, but somehow a moment comes or something happens where we feel that we are reborn again from this situation. And the first moment after we get up, things change and something new comes up, and you feel yourself as coming back stronger. Can you tell me about this kind of event that you faced in your life? That had you, had you, uh, you know, um, change or shift. You had a shift in your mind and you started being, or let me say, you started acting on the new version of yourself after this event. What is it?

Yeah, for sure, for sure. So, so in a nutshell, the, the event was, uh, a divorce. And, you know, many people can identify or have gone through some type of divorce or separation. And, and for me, it was a divorce that was taking place a time in my life around, you know, 2015, um, right before we, uh, got connected in 2016. Yeah. And, um, but in that divorce, I found myself at a low, a real low part of my life where I was, you know, depressed. I was, you you know, anxiety. I didn't feel like I had any worth, any value, because my mind was only focused on trying to save my marriage and trying to do everything I can. And it wasn't working, right? It wasn't working. It was going down the drain fast. And I found myself in a place of just— I was, I was soaking in, in, in deep just, it wasn't good. It was just like a nightmare. It was just dark and eerie and just walking around. I was just existing. And to the point, you know, people could tell that like I was going through some stuff because, you know, losing weight to, I'm not that, wasn't confident anymore in, in everything that I did from music to, you know, even when I presented, trainings, it wasn't as confident as it usually was. It was questioning, always questioning myself of, okay, you know, am I doing this right? Is this— is anybody getting anything from this? I was questioning everything about me. And so it got to a point where, you know, I remember sitting in a room and it was just dark. And I said a prayer And I cried out. I was like, Lord, help me. And it was in that moment that I gained enough strength to say, you know what? I'm not doing this by myself anymore. I'm not going through this journey of just dark and defeat and no value in self by myself anymore. And I had a huge support team. Filled with family, filled with friends, that when I was going through that tough time, I didn't lean on them. I didn't call them because, you know, again, what are they going to think about me? What are they going to say about me? I'm usually the one that's motivating and inspiring them, you know. But this was all in my head. This is all that self-talk of, you know, they're going to think about me differently. They're going to judge me. And in church, the church people are going to judge me for me going through this process of divorce. And I'm the son of a pastor. Again, nobody's saying anything of that to me. It's me saying this to myself. So I'm internalizing this whole situation by myself. And it wasn't until that moment of when I got quiet And I prayed and I hollered out. I was like, Lord, help me. I need help. But it was in that moment that an awakening that I need to not go on this journey alone. And so, you know, at that moment I said, OK, I need to contact my brother. I need to have my friend, my best friend, and need to get to counseling. I need to get a coach, a life coach. And I started putting these pieces together of people who can support me and walk with me through this journey. And see, a lot of people will stay stuck in that place of depression because they're not willing to reach out or they don't know how to reach out. And, and so my message when I'm speaking is, if you're doing life alone, you're doing it wrong. And so everything I talk about is like, for example, divorce. If you're doing divorce alone, you're doing it all wrong. Because, because the trick is to get you to go through divorce by yourself and to, to fall by yourself and not be able to— no one to help you get back up. And if I've seen people fall so far from divorce that they either, um, hurt themselves, they killed themselves, um, they, you know, killed themselves and their ex-spouse and their children— like, it's gotten that deep when people try to walk through a tragic situation by themselves. And so in that moment of reaching out to those critical people in my life, that's when I was able to see past what was taking place in my present self, right? I can look at things differently, at different perspectives, people speaking life into me. Like, I had to let them— I had to say, Kenston, shut up, sit down, listen. I had to tell myself to do that because, you know, I'm a trainer and speaker, so I'm like, oh, he speak it. I had to shut up and literally let them speak life into me and help walk me, walk with me through the journey. And, and so, um, and in that moment, that's when I started to, started to walk in, in the purpose of finding my value again, like knowing who I am, knowing what I was put on this earth to do. And, you know, And you were a part of that, my brother. Like, you was a part of that process by me joining the, you know, the JMT team. Going to that was a part of me starting my business, starting my— yeah, starting my training and speaking business and connecting with healthy people. Because I realized that was another piece of going through that divorce, that I needed to connect with healthy people. People who were, you know, not that I say that were perfect, but people who had strength. They had— they knew who they were. They knew their value. I needed that community of people to be around to help me as I was continuing to walk that journey. And thankfully, you know, I gained a whole nother family with, you know, the JMT People Team. But like I said, specifically, you was like It was just so easy. And I was like, man, this, this man is, he's, I can see the, the, the energy, the wave around this man. Like I need to be around this guy. And, and it, and it's like, again, no barrier of language, no barrier of because you're from a different country got in the way of that because we were two brothers that genuinely wanted connection. And, and I wholeheartedly believe that's a part part of the human race is connection. Like people say, people say the number one fear around the world is public speaking. But I say the number one fear is not having connection, not having relationships, valuable, healthy relationships. And we've seen that, we've seen that during COVID Like during this time of COVID where everybody has had to stay at home or stay to themselves secluded. And now you're seeing people go crazy. People are literally losing their minds because they're not able to have that human interaction. And it is so important, especially today. And so, yeah. And so again, my story is— of course, I can go a lot deeper, but it's at that moment when I said, You know what? You can't do this alone anymore.

Well, now I understood your statement. Like, if you're doing the divorce alone, you're doing it all wrong. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a great concept. I mean, I've seen it. I've been watching you. But now when you explained it, Man, man, this is wonderful. That's wonderful, seriously. And you pointed at great points, actually, which made me now— I don't know which question I'm going to ask you, because what I'm trying to do is— what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to take the points that you spoke about, because, but because what you said right now is, is kind of relevant, you know, it's, it's relevant to, to a huge number of people. So I'm trying to pick the, the, the question that anyone might ask, and I guess that if I highlighted on the part of you being aware of the root cause of your problem, which made you sit down and, you know, writing down who are the people or what are the steps that you are going to take in order for you to go out from what you're going through. So again, I want you to elaborate on how important it is to to have the awareness, how important it is to know, or, or, you know, highlight on the people, uh, that can make change in your life, and how important it is to have a life coach. Yeah.

And so, you know, like I said, it took that moment for me to sit down because I realized Before, you know, before that, that last prayer, before that cry out, I felt myself like dying inside. Like, I, I felt myself getting to a, a low that I knew would affect my son. Like, I, I knew would affect my son in, in, in a way that wouldn't be positive. To his health, to his development. And I said, nah, I'mma choose life. I'mma choose to live and live an abundant life. Like, I'm going to choose this because it's not all about me. I got to think about my son. I got to think about my family. I got to think about my friends, everybody else. But it was just, I needed to do that. I needed to get it together for myself. And so that way I can be healthy for the people around me who are, who are leaning and depending on me. And, and so, you know, it really came down to, I wanted to, right? I think everybody in that type of situation has to get to a point where you say, you know what, I want to do this. I want to get better. I acknowledge that I'm not the best right now. I'm not, I'm not being at my best. And so, you know, what can I do to get out of this? And again, coming from, you know, a home where my, my mother and father were preachers, teachers, and, and pastors, it was always— inspiration has always been a part of life, right? And so, you know, those words those words in the Bible, those Christian values, they came up. And so once those things started clicking, started turning on, then it was like, you know, I don't know if you know, you know, you heard of the movie Rocky?

Yeah, of course.

Sylvester Stallone. So yeah, yeah. So, you know me. So it was almost like the moment that Eye of the Tiger came on and the music started, then, then, then, you know what I mean? Then I start feeling some more energy. I start feeling more alive. And it was like, you're not going to die. You will live. And you will live a thriving life. And that's, again, that self-talk that started turning more positive than negative. And once that started happening, again, it just started clicking to make things start running. And so, again, and that's when I was able to sit down, when I was able to gather my thoughts. Then I was able to reach out to the people I needed to reach out to. Again, it was a struggle even in that moment of, okay, identify the people who needed to be on my team, my support team. But the struggle was, was again, what are they gonna think about me? How are they gonna feel about me asking them to walk with me through these moments? Again, self-talk. It's that stinking thinking that will cause people to not reach out. And to say, nah, I can handle this. I'm a man. I can handle this by myself. I don't need no help. And I tell people when they say that, like, that's trash. Stop it. You need help. And so that's anybody who's listening, please get past your pride, your ego, and allow people to help you because they're ready. Like, they were ready. Like, everybody I called, they were ready. Like, yeah, let's go. What you need? You know, how exactly can I assist you in this process? And, you know, and, and so one of the things you alluded to was a coach, you know, um, a, a life coach. And so as you know, what we do is we help motivate, inspire, ask intentional questions, uh, to help people reflect, to help them come into new, new knowledge. And, and that's what that coach did for me. And it allowed me to think through it from different perspectives and to really, for me, to, to see myself differently than how I was seeing myself during that divorce period. And so again, what is, you know, one of the questions was, um, you know, so, so what do you want to do? You know, what do you want to do after all this is said and done? You know, how do you want to How do you want to live your purpose out? And I thought about it. I was like, huh, well, I love speaking.

I love training. Hmm.

Well, what can you do now to position yourself? Because you have all these tools, you have all these characteristics, you have these great abilities. What can you do with it? I was like, oh man. So again, it started making me think. I'm like, okay, okay. Now I'm focused on something totally different. Like what I'm really supposed to be focused on. And all around, I mean, and all knowing that it was building me up, it was building my confidence, it was building my self-esteem. And so I was like this, but now I'm starting to open up and I'm just starting to get like, hmm. And I'm like, and then I started turning into, you know, Superman, put my hands on my hips, you know, and, and, you know, chest sticking out a little bit more because I'm now coming into becoming who I was called and created to be. And again, that, that the coach asked me, I'll say, okay, so how can you— you're going to start a business? All right. I know you want to start a business. Okay. What is it entailing? Training and development. Cool. Motivational speaking. Cool. All right. So what can you do to position yourself to help build that area in your life? And for some crazy reason, I get a, I get a Facebook post about the John Maxwell certification program that pops into my feed, you know. And so I was like, well, my dad, when he preaches, he talks about— he has some John Maxwell quote in his sermon. And so I'm like, okay, well, let me check him out. My dad must like him. So let me just see what this is about. Right. And so once the coach helped me put a plan of action together, it was starting to— I was just starting to execute it, you know, and to the point where all my plan was, okay, get in touch with John Maxwell and see how we can be a part of the program. And, you know, and then that's when we met in 2016. So it was a journey, it was a process, but again, I had to take the steps towards it, right? Because that's all we do as coaches. Like, we ask those questions and put a plan of action together for you, but you got to carry it out. I can't do it for you. Right? It's just not going to work. So yeah. So that's, you know, I'm grateful for, you know, those people, you know, specifically my, you know, one of my brother is like, he's like a big brother mentor to me, coach slash Sergeant, I call him the military man, because he gives it to me straight and he holds nothing back. And I love him for that. And, you know, even, you know, there was moments where I didn't want to hear anything. He was telling me everything great, but I wasn't trying to hear it. And that's another thing of going through that process of, you know, There's going to be some people talking that you don't want to hear at that moment, but I want to encourage you to push yourself to hear because, again, it's a different perspective. And they love you, right? They care about you. And if you got people around you that love you and care about you, they don't want to see you in that position of that depressed state because they know what it could lead to. That's the potential. We already talked about the potential. Potential of divorce can lead to so great depression. Like, I joined a group on Facebook and it's about, uh, the divorced men. And I tell you, brother, I had to jump out of that group because there was a lot of depressed men in there who were about to take their lives. That's what it was, a bunch of people talking about taking their lives, you know, really um, not coming out of it. They couldn't see their way out of it. And so once I got me together, um, to a point of getting some wholeness, going through divorce care counseling, then I was able to go back to that group and then inspire them, right? But while I was going through it, I couldn't be in that group. That's like—

that's the essence of, uh, that's the essence actually, um, of the whole concept of being reborn to inspire. Yeah, um, I don't know, you were going to say something, right?

No, no, that's— that you get.

Yeah, all right, all right. So, so that was, that was actually my next, next question. Like, after you're done with all these things, and now, now you mentioned that you went inside the group, you were one of them, but then you went outside. Yeah, you fixed yourself And then you came back as an inspiration. Yep. So what did you do? Like, I know your coach gave you an action plan and you executed. And let me say this between brackets, actually, when I met you in 2016, I'm the one who felt that you are energetic. I didn't feel that you've been through things, stuff like that. So, yeah. I mean, I salute you for the courage that you had. Nobody felt that you were a depressed person or you went through something, you know, you were walking with energy yourself. So my question is, when you executed the plan, what is the thing that you have done that inspired this Facebook group that you were talking about? Like, how did you become the inspiration for this group of people?

So I took the whole, you know, my whole thing about coaching is asking questions. So asking those questions, how have you forgiven your ex-spouse today? How can you forgive your ex-spouse today? What's one thing you can forgive them about? Something that took place in, in the marriage. It wasn't well, it wasn't received well. How can you forgive them today, or what can you do to forgive them? Because forgiveness was huge for me. Bitterness was huge for me. I was bitter. I, I couldn't see a positive. And you told me, people's like, well, you gotta, uh, you should pray for your, your ex. Like, pray what? I'm not praying for, for my ex, especially it wasn't if it's, it's a, a negative thing that took place. And which is divorce, it's negative, period. But being able to forgive was so crucial to my healing, to— was so crucial to my wholeness. Right? It didn't matter what took place. It was about me getting what I needed to get to become whole again, to see myself in a different light, a new light, a refreshed light. And so again, once I— like I said, once I followed the action plan, once I was supported and surrounded by, you know, great friends and family And then, you know, like you said, the time I got to— by the time I got to JMT, I was on, I was on cloud nine because I already had been doing the work and this was just adding to it, right? And so I was there and I was, I was, it was like a new look, new creation of me, a new version of me was being built in those moments. And, and so Again, just going into that group and saying, hey, you're gonna get through this. Like, I need you to repeat these words on my post and say, you're going to get through this. There is a tomorrow. My kids need me. Like, they need me. And so I'm a big advocate for parents. And so I started a group called Parenting Like a Boss. Where it inspires and encourages parents to stay engaged, stay active, because, you know, a thing like divorce can tear a family apart, can tear, you know, can bring down kids' self-esteem, can make them want to commit suicide, can want them to think that nobody wants them, right? And so I know the importance, you know, of that. And so, which is why I, when I went through this divorce care group. It was a 13-week class, man. I was like, man, this is a long, long class, but it was 13 weeks. Well, I took my son with me, and there was a kids section of that divorce care class. And so for 13 weeks, me and him went through the same class to make sure that he was healthy, he was whole, as well as I was too. And we would talk about it each night. And so again, putting in that group, that divorce group, that, you know, hey, here's a resource that you can take advantage of where it helps you and your children walk through this thing together, right? Because so many— man, I've seen so much crazy stuff happen with divorce, but it doesn't have to happen if you take the necessary steps. To do it better. It's not fun, it's not, you know, exciting, but just knowing that you're coming out an even better person than what you were, why wouldn't you do it? Like, I choose not to stay— I chose not to stay bitter, but that was an everyday process for at least, I would say, at least 3 years. Everyday process.

You're talking about forgiveness. This is, this is, again, I'm, again, I'm telling you, I need people to hear this. Like, forgiveness is something huge in today's world, you know. No one is willing to, you know, because I talk, I talk about in my last book, I was talking about the, it was called The Four Laws of True Leaders, and one of them is, uh, the letter U. I'm talking about the importance of understanding.

Yeah.

All right. And I highlighted And people want to be understood and they don't want to understand.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, I don't know, it cut off. So I'm talking about people. I mean, they need to be understood, but they don't want to understand. Same thing goes with forgiveness. People want other— others to understand them, you know, but they don't— they are not ready to understand others or forgive them.

Yeah.

So I want you to, um, since you went through this experience, I want you to talk more about, about the forgiveness side, how important it is, and that forgiveness, forgiving others, it doesn't make you a weak person. What would you say on that?

Yeah, so forgiveness is, I think it was a quote I was saying, forgiveness is not for somebody else, it's for you. Forgiveness is not for somebody else. It's for you. It's for me. I understand and I realize I'm not in a good state of mind. I'm not in a good state of being. I'm not good. I'm not happy. I'm not— I don't have this joy. I'm not living a fulfilled life. And so It's having that awareness that I'm not my best in these moments. I'm not my best for my son. I'm not my best for myself. I'm not my best for anyone else. And that's all tied to forgiveness or unforgiveness. That's what that's tied to. And so the moment, piece by piece, day by day, I let go of the bitterness, of the anger. I'm refreshed, I'm getting reborn, I'm getting to a place where now I can see clear now that the rain is gone, right? That's a song, you know, I can see obstacles that were in my way. Now I can see outside. Right? I can, I can see differently when I forgive. If I stayed in that seat of bitterness and anger and whatever it is, that's all I'm seeing right here. Like, you don't see my eyes, but I don't see you. But I can't see you. I can't even hear you because of unforgiveness. But as soon as I say it, one day, two days, 3 days, my vision starts to get clear. I start being able to look around. Oh, there's freedom in forgiveness. Oh, I am a good person to be around, says my friends, says my family, says the people around me. Oh, he got some good energy, got some positive energy. He's actually pretty likable. Every day. Little bit, lilu. Every holiday, you know, like I said, for at least 3 years, every holiday it was a struggle. And I had to say to myself, I forgive. On that holiday, Christmas holiday, Thanksgiving, any holiday we had, there is a forgiveness that I had to walk through, intentionally walk through it. Um, and again, I, I wasn't on my own. I went to counseling, you know, again, I had a coach. But that forgiveness is so vital to the heart, right? Forgiveness is the power, uh, or unforgiveness has the power to take people out. Like, it has the power to take people out, and mentally, like, for real, if they ain't going out physically They could be going out mentally, and which is like a walking zombie. And like, that's how bad unforgiveness can get. And so choosing to say every day, I forgive you, I forgive you, say their name, I forgive such and such, I forgive every wrong that you've done, say, say the specific wrong, I forgive that wrong. And for those who are listening, say, I forgive you for, you know, stealing, mistreating, cheating, whatever it is. Call it out and say it out loud, because I believe there's, there's power in the words that we say that help people get free from unforgiveness and bitterness. And I'm, and I'm telling you, brother, like And people are listening that you do that, you're starting to walk the right path.

That's great. Well, Kenston Henderson CSP EPIC Experiences, as you said today that we're going to have a great time, I'm seriously having a great time listening to you and all the insights that you're dropping out of your message. But the time is running, so I'm gonna ask you for the last advice that you can share? Like, let's say now you are reborn, you are inspiring others. So I want you to share this inspiration. I want you to share this one advice that you inspire others with, especially for those people who are right now in the middle of their own storm. What would you say to them?

Yeah, so like I alluded to at the beginning, you know, my quote that I came out of with through that divorce is if you're doing life alone, you're doing it wrong. You weren't meant to do life alone in the first place. You weren't meant to go through that storm alone in, in the first place. You may have made some decisions that got you into the storm. However, use your, uh, use your phone a friend flag to, to really help have somebody help who you trust who you value to, to come alongside with you. You know, don't be too proud. Don't be too— don't, don't have so much pride that you were not willing to say, hey, I need help. Like, stop. Don't, don't do that. Say, I need help. Can you help me walk through this? Because I, I can't do it by myself. And so sit down, write down 3 people who you value, who you respect. Who do you need on your team? Identify those people. Is it a coach? Is it a counselor? Isn't it a mentor? Um, you know, is it a friend? Which family member can you count on to help hold you accountable, to help walk beside you? You know, because you can't count on everybody. You know, make sure you pick positive people to be around you. Not so positive where where they won't call you out on your things, but that they care so much about you that they gonna call it out, but they're gonna do it in a way where it's respectful, it has empathy involved in it, and, and they're mature, right? And really, um, take the time to write that list out, and then the next step, like I said, is to reach out. So don't just write a list and not reach out. Write a list. You know, I would say add some prayer on it, but then take action, follow through and reach out to everyone. And I guarantee you, you know, the situation is going to look better. You know, even if, you know, during COVID get on a Zoom call, get on a webinar, whatever you can to meet up, to start that plan of action taking place because If you're doing it alone, you're doing it wrong. And that's my message that I will say to this day. With all the injustices and all the inequalities, we need people. We need connection more than anything right now.

Right. Right. Well, thank you so much. Thank you so, so, so much, Kenston Henderson CSP EPIC Experiences, for this great insight, for this—

you know, session.

It was great, and I feel that a good number of people are going to listen to your message. I'm gonna encourage people to listen to it. And God bless you and your family.

Thank you.

You know, and looking forward to meet you face to face again, hopefully after this pandemic and all these years. And we will keep in touch and we'll stay connected.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, and before we leave, I want to thank you and appreciate you for reaching out and, you know, and having this because it's, it's great. And, and I, and I just want to say in parting that those who may be walking through a divorce, there is life after divorce. And, and we didn't get to talk too much to it, but there is life after divorce. And so I'm now remarried and thriving like never before. And so I just encourage people that there is life after divorce.

So thank you so much, Kenston, for your message. And again, God bless you and bless your family and your new wife, right? It seems that she has, she has the same energy that you have. So you are meant, guys, to be together. And, um, God bless you.

All right, man, God bless you. We'll talk soon.

All right, take care, my friend.

You too.

Bye-bye.

Bye.