Creating an Inclusive and Diverse Community Through Difficult Conversations With Matt Lofy

Hello, my friends, and welcome to another exciting episode of Negotiate Anything. This show is produced by the American Negotiation Institute, and with over 5 million downloads and listeners in over 180 countries, listeners just like you have made this the number one negotiation podcast in the world. Hi, my name is Kwame Christian, and I am the founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute. Here at AI, we believe that the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. And we are passionate about providing you with the best content that will help you to make your difficult conversations easier, both at work and at home. Lastly, I want to remind you that we offer consulting and conduct trainings both virtually and in person all around the world. Our focus is in three main areas. First, negotiation and conflict resolution. Second, leadership. And lastly, diversity, equity, and inclusion. Check the link in the description below to learn more about how we could work with you and your team. And now, without further ado, let's jump into the interview.

Matt, thanks for joining us today.

Thank you so much for this opportunity.

No, it's a pleasure to have you, my friend. So how about you get us started by telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do?

Certainly. My name is Matt Lofi. I am the director of marketing and community outreach for the Westville Area Chamber of Commerce. But in that role, I also serve as the executive director of Leadership Westerville. And to kind of give you the nickel tour of Leadership Westerville, we have two leadership programs, one for our high schoolers within our school district, and then one for our adults that work or live within the community. And so we put on a day of service for seniors. And then we also have our subcommittee of the Martin Luther King Legacy Project, which we're going to be talking about.

Fantastic. Yes. This is great. So for everybody out there, I'm in Columbus, Ohio, and Westerville is a suburb up north. And so it's a fantastic community. And this. This is going to be a fun episode because what we're going to do is we're going to talk about the Martin Luther King Day celebration that the Westerville Chamber put on, and we're going to talk about specifically the hidden negotiations and difficult conversations that existed along the way. So actually, this is going to be kind of like using that as a case study to celebrate the great work that you've done. And then also at the same time, a case study to talk about those specific skills that we might overlook. And before we get into it, Matt, we just tell them, because when we were doing the pre interview, I know that at the beginning you were saying, well, I don't know if this is even negotiation stuff.

Certainly. Yeah, it's been wild because we went from this committee just putting on the Martin Luther King breakfast each year. And then four years ago, we started doing community conversations, talking about racial injustice, inclusion, equity within Westerville. And so our scope and our conversations have gotten deeper, and some of the community reactions and input have gotten a little bit more heightened or sensitive in terms of how we correspond and communicate with one another. But leading up to this breakfast, we had a real eye opening and I think heart opening, if you will, opportunity for us as a committee to look at one, what we're bringing and then two in terms of when we put on our events, we. What we should be looking at in the lens, we look at it. Do you want me to just go right into it?

Yeah, yeah. So let's outline the situation for everybody.

Certainly we were getting ready to host our first ever virtual celebration just with everything going on this year. And this would have been our 16th event that we've hosted. And so as we were leading up in the months of planning, we chose to have a local figure, a clergyman within our community that we've discussed at great length within our. Our committee. And there's about a dozen of us, men, women, African American, Caucasian. We like to think that we have all voices represented on our committee. And then just about a week beforehand, while we thought we were sitting pretty in our planning, a great concern was brought up on social media, which grew pretty quick. And it was that there were fears about an event on Martin Luther King Day that would have a white speaker that then takes away and silences the voice of African Americans within our community. And so, you know, there was a lot of things we wanted to do quickly, but then we ended up taking a slow and strategic approach, a committee approach, actually, where we got a few different voices all within a late night virtual call to be able to address the concern. And what was interesting about it was as we were trying to craft the appropriate response, we really took it as an opportunity to press pause and say, all right, this is a really rightful concern, whether we agree or disagree about the premise. And having a white speaker for this event, this is something that we need to think about, especially because it did come from an African American female who we did not have a part of the program. So we actually pressed pause in the crisis communications and said, you know what? This is a great point and a great learning opportunity for us to consider even more voices around the table and within our programming of this event. So we used it one to add, I think, a more dynamic aspect into our event, which I can bring up later. And then we also use it as an opportunity to say for our overall messaging, let's use this now as an opportunity to say, we hear you, we appreciate you speaking up. Here is where our committee is at and where we've been, and here's where this event has been through the 16 years. We hope you'll join us. So together we can continue to push through this event and our conversations one step closer to Dr. King's beloved community, which is our mission for the Martin Luther King Legacy Project.

This is great. So again, it's great because of the work that you're doing, but also it's great as a case study for education purposes. What can we learn from this? And one of the things that I talk about in the negotiation trainings all the time is that sometimes the number one barrier for improving your negotiation skills is improving your negotiation awareness, becoming more aware of these negotiations and difficult conversations that are happening. Because once you identify it as a negotiation now, you're more intentional about the way that you navigate that conversation now you can be more persuasive. You can change hearts and minds and address these emotional concerns that people might have and de escalate the situation. So when I'm looking at this, I'm hearing a few elements here. So first, the crisis communication portion for the team. This could be a problem, right? This could be really challenging. And if we don't handle it the right way, things could go way off track. Right. So we have to have those conversations internally. And then there's going to be a tension within the committee between some people who want to strike. Now just let's address this now. We have to say something right now versus people say, okay, let's actually slow this down. Let's think through this and address it in a more measured type of way. And so can you lead us through those conversations and how that went?

Yeah, so my background is in communications and my degree is in pr. So I'm thinking we have to respond now or this is just going to be a little igniter in a bunch of kindling. And it's just going to become. It's going to grow rapidly. I'm using bad imagery. And so once I started to think about and talk to our chairman of the committee, who is a great community leader, a clergyman within our community, and also I think just to really bring the sensitivity and the thought behind our plan, and he is also African American. While we were going through the messaging, I was going to share it as executive director of a small nonprofit. But then as we started to kind of write out that messaging, we're like, time out. I would not be the best person if I'm going to rush right in here with a response from the two of us because it's not going to mean as much messaging coming from me being a white male compared to one we haven't consulted more voices that were around the table, but also because those decisions were a group effort and we have a chairman who's been a part of this much longer than me, and then, of course, is a respected leader within our community. We were like, we got to press pause, get more people involved in this conversation and really think about how we're going to one, deliver this and who is best to deliver this messaging, which slowed it down. And then I'm just sweating going, oh, man, please. The communication person, me, was just like, I didn't want to strike now. I just wanted to not be silent.

Yeah, no, that's tough. And I think it's a really important point to make. Who should be delivering the message. And I think about it for my negotiations as a lawyer, let's say it's a situation where there are. It's a business negotiation, but it hasn't reached that point of litigation where we need to write a demand letter or something like that. And my client says, hey, this is the problem. I want you to handle it. I said, I am more than happy to handle it, but you have to consider the long term ramifications of this with the relationship.

Yeah.

Is this appropriate for your lawyer to be hitting up the other side at this point, or would it be better if we talk strategy first and you communicate this message in a more appropriate way? Right, because it sends a different message. Even if I approach it in my normal, open, collaborative type of way, I am a lawyer, and that position alone will make people a little bit scared. Right. And so recognizing who the messenger is is important, especially when you're negotiating on a team.

Definitely.

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Right back after this.

I could only imagine what it'd be like having it come from you, a lawyer. And then same with us here, we got to get this out. We got to have it come from me. But then we were like, if we're being told that we're forgetting a voice, we also want to make sure before we comment that we bring all voices that need to be around the table so we can unify that message, unify that response.

Absolutely brilliant. Okay, so now we've had that internal dialogue, that internal negotiation. We've talked through that and now we've come up with a strategy. You're going to have that message. And what I think was brilliant about this response is that not only did you have the message shared publicly and everything like that, you also brought her in and invited her for a conversation, which again, thinking about it from the angle of this podcast, that is a negotiation. That's a very high stakes negotiation. So tell us a bit more about that conversation too.

Well, we ended up having not the conversation that I was hoping. I actually, as we were getting everyone around the table to discuss a response, I had reached out directly to the person to say, I would love to talk with you one on one. And she actually wanted to keep it within the group and keep it public so everyone could see. But what we did do is that we had someone that was around the table helping us unify our response, who is also serving as a board member within Leadership Western have that conversation because they had a great working relationship to kind of share and educate that, you know, during the past 16 years, we've had men, women, African American, white clergy, lay people. And, you know, we've had an opportunity through the years to really have a wide. I mean, I think even 10 years ago we had a theater troupe present as the keynote for this breakfast. So we used it as an opportunity through a working relationship to say, you know, this has been a very. We've come at this with very different approaches year after year. And this year we just happen to have someone that is white.

Yeah. No, that's great. And so when you were having that discussion amongst yourselves and you were determining what the right direction to go was, I know there was, there were some adjustments that ended up being made. Can you tell us more about that too?

Absolutely. We heard the Concern. We really did. And, and, and when, I mean that, I mean, it was so much humility because I feel like a lot of times people are like, we hear you, but they don't necessarily, you know, do they mean it? We all had this moment where like, we actually. Let me, let me stop right there. We came up with, in addition to the program before we came together with our response. That's how much we took it to heart. And I can't share enough how much we stopped. And we're like, this is a heck of a good point that we need to consider. And so anyone that attended would not have known that, that we made any changes because we prerecorded it for, you know, to eliminate any technological difficulties. But we added a, I don't know how old she is, but a college aged African American female as a speaker during our, our event. And what's so beautiful about her message is she voted in her first election that ultimately allowed her to vote in the first woman and the first African American female into the White House as vice president. And so her, I think, resonated so much because here she shared a message of, you know, I know what's going on in the world. Here's my story. But I'm also hopeful because I got to vote and make history with my vote. And that brought so much love and compassion and just a beautiful story to what I hope was for all that attended a very inspiring and heartwarming and eye opening celebration that we hosted.

Yeah. And again, this is a really great example for us because one of the keys to being persuasive is being persuadable. Right. Being open to being persuaded. And I think that's counterintuitive for a lot of people because they say, yeah, Kwame, teach me how to get what I want. I don't care to adjust. I said, well, that kind of unreasonable.

Absolutely.

Because sometimes people bring up good points, fantastic points, points that you missed. And if somebody brings up a good point and you fail to adjust or you fail to consider it in a really meaningful way, then what's going to happen when you bring up a good point to them? They're like, hey, I remember how to respond to that. You showed me. I'm not going to change my perspective at all. And certainly by being willing to adjust, hearing the concern and saying, you made a really good point. That is something that we missed. We had a blind spot and you exposed to us. And we appreciate that and we're going to show you we appreciate it by making adjustments as a Result of it.

Yeah.

Well. And, you know, I look at it, and I was saying, you know, leadership, Westerville, we put on a leadership program I share with community leaders all the time because we have business people, those that don't even work, but they live within our community that are part. Some that want to be involved politically, others that want to help nonprofits. But. But how unaffective would our community leaders be if we didn't listen and use that active listening and that information gathering and education to make positive change? I mean, for the sake of this particular case study, we're trying to put on a program that brings us closer to Dr. King's beloved community. We're trying to have it not just one session, but community conversations throughout the year to get us thinking about Dr. King, how. How ineffective would we be and how far off would be from missing the point if we didn't actively listen and then change the points that we're trying to make.

Yeah. Oh, that's brilliant. I love this. I love this. And again, you're. You're setting yourself up as a role model for the community, you and the committee. You're setting yourself up as a role model because you're showing people how you can take criticism and make the adjustment while making people feel included. And I think that's a really powerful message, too.

It was great, I have to say, and I'll keep it really brief. There was five or six of us on a very late night call to address this. That's how serious we took it. But I just want to make sure that I say that it took all six people, and I just want to make sure that it doesn't sound just like me. We had men, women, African American, white, all different voices, but working together to ensure that we stayed on point of wanting to do what we thought Dr. King would want us to do, because that ultimately is the mission of this committee. So I just want to use a quick second or two to share that this was a group effort, and certainly I was blessed to just be a part of this personally and professionally.

Yeah. And I think that's an important message to end on, too, because the unity that you all demonstrated is important when it comes to the way that we handle these tough situations, when we're leaders, when we're negotiating on a team, whatever it might be. If you know that the people around you have your back on the decision that was made, it makes you more confident during the conversation, and it makes it a lot easier for you to communicate things clearly because you know that everybody around you is on the same page too.

Absolutely. 100%.

That's fantastic. Well, Matt, we really appreciate that. This was really great. And before you go, can you tell the listeners about how they can get in touch with you and learn more about what you're doing?

Yeah, absolutely. You can find more information about the Martin Luther King Legacy Project and Leadership Westerville by going to westville chamber.com or you can find us on Instagram and also on Facebook. Just Leadership Westerville. And you can learn everything you need right there.

Fantastic. There will be links in the description. Thank you so much, Matt. We really appreciate it.

Thank you very much.

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