From Fear to Influence: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Hey, I'm Kwame Christian, and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where we teach you how to make difficult conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process. Each episode is packed with practical tips and strategies from the experts. We delve into negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership skills that are crucial in both business and in life. Whether you're closing a deal, managing a team, or navigating personal relationships, Negotiate Anything provides you with the tools you need to succeed. Our conversations are real, relatable, and most importantly, rooted in practicality. So if you're ready to transform your conversations and elevate your negotiation skills, join me on Negotiate Anything. Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you love to listen. Let's make every conversation a winning negotiation. Maha, thanks for joining us today.

Thank you so much for having me, Kwame. I'm so excited to be here.

Yes, likewise. I'm excited, too. So how would you get us started? By telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do.

Great. First of all, my name is Maha. I am a strategic communications executive. So I am American, Egyptian. I'm born and raised in the US Lived my whole life here and then spent the second half of my life living in Dubai and Egypt. I I have a strategic communications firm. Means I'm a professional storyteller. I help people tell their stories, build their personal brands, find their narratives, connect with audiences, and most importantly, how to add value to other people.

Incredible. And a little birdie told me that you might have a book coming out.

I do. I have a book coming out. It's called the seven Rules of Self Reliance. And it's a book that is inspirational and educational. Every chapter has takeaway, reflection exercises, downloadable guides book, but it's a book to how to operate in today's world. Like, what are the things, the tools that you need to be resourceful? Self reliance is not a term that a lot of people talk about. Everyone thinks, oh, I need to be independent and rely on myself. That's exactly the opposite of what this book is about. It's about being resourceful, investing in yourself, owning your future. And what are the things you need to have the skills, the tools, the experiences, the relationships to kind of do the things that you really want to do. And that's what the book is about. And it's coming out October 8th, and I'm really excited for people to read it and to people to learn from some of the things I've learned throughout My career, I used to be the head of communications at Google in Dubai. I launched Netflix in the Middle East. I work with names like Gary Vee, Deepak Chopra, and I've been doing communications for more than 30 years.

Wow. Okay, so we have a well worth of information here and expertise. And when you think about all, all of your years doing communication work at the corporate level, but also with individuals, what would you say are the keys to effective communication?

One is you have to know your audience. Like, who are you trying to talk to so that you know how to tailor your message or how to customize your message. The second thing, if you want to be good at communications, like anything else in life, it takes practice. Like, communications is a skill and a tool that will never go out of style, even with AI, even with all the trends. Things that are trends are happening in business where people are working remotely in hybrid. You gotta be good at storytelling, you gotta be good at connecting with audiences, and you have to be really, really good at communications. I think the other thing is you gotta be consistent, like how you show up. Be intentional, be authentic, be a communicator that really is consistent in what you talk about or what you're passionate about or your style. I think those are a couple of really few good tips to begin with.

I agree. And knowing your audience, practicing, recognizing that you can always get better at the skill and then consistency, those are so crucial. And at the same time, people often overlook these basic things. And when you think about communication and the mistakes that people typically make, what are some of the biggest mistakes that hold people back?

I think a lot of people don't communicate either on social media or in real life, either speaking or being, networking at events, because they're afraid of what other people think. And isn't that a terrible way to live? Is like, you don't want to dip your toe in the water because you're afraid you'll be judged. You'll be afraid of people saying, who does she think she is? So my advice to you is to do it. This is, you get one life. Life is too short. You got to try things, you got to taste things. There is an abundance in this world. There's an abundance of opportunities that will take all of the people who want to do all the things. Like, a lot of people say to me, oh, you know, if I'm a personal trainer and I'm going to build my brand, there's so many personal trainers online that already do that and build a business on that. I'm like, yeah, but you don't have your personality. Right. A personal brand is made up of your skills, your experience, and your personality. So they may have the same skills, they may have the same experience, but they don't have your personality. So what can you do to show your life and your personality and your approach to training or fitness is just an example.

It's a perfect example. And it's so funny to me, or interesting just how much of the challenges that people face in life come down to fear. Because the way that you're breaking this down, we can recognize that it is possible for us to improve our communication skills, but we often don't take that step because of that fear. And so for the people who are saying, all right, Maha, I'm feeling inspired now, but I'm still scared, what advice do you have for them for overcoming that fear of communication?

Yeah, I mean, we're reluctant. We have that fear. We're reluctant to fail. Right. Our relationship with fear has to change. Like, we're always afraid that if we do things, other people will see us, they'll judge us for us or make mistakes. So here's my practical advice is what's the alternative? You decide not to do it. What's the alternative? You're sitting in status quo. You're not growing, you're not learning. I think for people who want to get better at communications, the good news is there's a wealth of opportunities to do it from different sources. You can learn from podcasts, you can use learn from YouTube videos, you can learn from books. There's amazing resources online, and guess what? It's free. It's free like the Internet is free. We live in a world where abundance of information is available at your fingertips to learn anything, and it's available for free. The other thing is, I learn a lot from people. So never underestimate. You can read from reading books, you can learn from reading books or learn from podcasts or from going to YouTube, but you can also learn from other people, from their experiences, from their businesses, from how did they get their first starts, to some of the things that they're good at in communications that you want to learn from. And I think people often overlook learning from people.

I agree. And as a podcaster, obviously, I love that too, because you can learn so much just listening to the stories from other people. People. And then when it comes to communicating, you can convey a lot of message when you become a better storyteller. And I know that's something that you are incredibly good at, especially given your background of communication. Can you Tell us a little bit about the power of storytelling as a persuasive tool.

So storytelling has the power to move us. It has the power to ask us to take action or to inspire us. And I think good storytellers do a couple of things. One is they know how to connect with audiences, so they tell it like it is. They speak to us, not at us. So good storytellers are able to connect with us because of not just what they say, but how they say it. And I think storytelling is a form of persuasion. Is it comes down to being authentic. Like, are you trying to pull a fast one on me? Are you actually telling me something that I can relate to? Are you trying to connect with me in a way that speaks to me in a way that I don't. I don't relate if it's somebody else telling me that story. And I think the biggest think of something that you see on social media, a story, a post, something what makes you share it on your feed or with your friends through a direct message. It moves you. It moves you. It either was funny, it was emotional, it was shocking, it was some kind of story that moved an emotion in you. And I think when you're trying to tell a story, you want that. Another thing is you want a story that is what we call snackable. So snackable means easy to digest, something that's easy to understand. So don't talk to me in complexities and jargon. Like, I want to like real talk. I want to know what it is or how it works. And just before we got on this call, we were talking about in the pandemic about, like, how broadcasters were broadcasting in their kitchens and their dog would walk through the scene or a kid would be running in the background. That was authentic. Like, we got to see them, who they are. And I think people connected with that.

I agree 100%. And I love this point on authenticity, too, because in society, we talk about it, I think we pay it lip service, but we don't fully appreciate what it really means to be authentic. Because sometimes people, when they're given that advice, hey, be authentic. They don't even know who they want anymore. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the biggest way for you to build your personal brand or to be an effective communicator is to be you. Right. If you have to be this online Persona or fake it till you make it, that's not going to be something you can sustain. So when we talk about authenticity, that's what we're talking about. Like, be you. Be who you are naturally consistently with your friends or with your colleagues at work, because that's the person I want to see. So on my social media, for example, I do a ton of communications advice, free tips and tricks. But I also show my authentic self crazy, you know, travel schedule or my dog, who happens to be snoring during the show right now. I don't know if everyone can hear it, but, like, it's authentic. It's real life. It's what's happening. And so I really want people to understand that you don't have to be polished, you don't have to be produced. You can just create content with your phone. You can. You don't want to be on camera, write a note, take a picture of that and post it. You can build your personal brand and tell stories. Not everyone wants to do it on social media, and that's cool. You need to build your brand, or what I call your reputation offline just as much as you do online. So how do you treat the barista? How do you treat your colleagues? How do you treat your partners? How do you treat your suppliers? How do you treat your employees? How do you treat your team members? That's having a good reputation and telling good stories.

Let's go deeper into the stories, too, because one of the things that you talked about was stories move people. And I recognize in the business world sometimes there's a reluctance to dig deep and be vulnerable and share those stories that could actually move people. And we try to persuade with data and then we end up losing people along the way. And so for those people who are professionals who say, maybe I am, I am above emotional calls to persuasion. I just persuade through logic and data. What do you have to say to them about the use of emotion in stories?

I mean, we're humans, right? So all business is personal. And I feel like if you have a business relationship with someone, you don't just get in and get down to business. You have coffee, you chit chat, you really build a relationship. And the same thing for storytelling and for persuasion. You have to have a good relationship. A relationship is based on trust. Trust. How can you build trust to connect with your audience? How can you build trust to persuade someone? How can you build trust to tell that story? How do you build trust to make a connection? And I feel like all of those are elements not only of persuasion and storytelling, but fundamentally relationship building.

Agreed. Hello, my friends. Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations. At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands on training for your team, we've got you covered. Don't just negotiate. Master the art with the American Negotiation Institute. Click the link in the description to find out more. Elevate, negotiate and succeed. Agreed. And I think it can be really scary for people when they're first taking that step. Because I mean, for me, my background, I'm a lawyer and I spent years learning how to. I'm using air quotes aggressively for the audio listeners. Be right in these, in these types of conversations. But then I recognized, especially as I started to transition into the business world, there was a need for that authentic connection. It took me a while to learn how to be authentic and learn how to be willing to share that vulnerable side of myself and connect emotionally. And it wasn't until the TED Talk that I really got it because I remember I was talking to the folks who were putting the TED Talk on and they selected me. I was excited and they said, well, the problem was with your initial vision for this and the way that you presented it, it seemed like a, like a professor giving a lecture. And I was like, yes, that's what I was going for. Did I do it? And they're like, no, no, that's not good. And so I really had to reprogram my mind. But I just want to impress upon the listeners that if you take this leap, it is incredibly valuable. And then I think what was really surprising about me is that I learned more about myself as I started to dig deeper within myself and allow myself to be more vulnerable and share.

Yeah, it's important. I feel like we live in a time now where you, you bring your whole self to work. Like, especially if you're working remotely. Are you taking mental health breaks? Are you taking walks? Are you managing your energy? And I feel like we don't compromise, departmentalize any more personal and professional, because we are passionate about things, we want to do them and we want to be free to do them at the time that we place. Like, if you're a writer, sometimes you can work at night, you want to work in the morning, it depends. But I feel like our times are changing and so we need to keep up with the times by looking at what are the most important fundamental things, skills that we need to have. And this book the seven rules of Self Reliance kind of focuses on those. One of the principles in the books is talking about be a value creator. How do you create value for other people? What are some of the things you can do to create value for others that will ultimately create value for you? Because you're learning, you're getting experience, you're getting exposure, you're getting access or whatever. And I feel like when you talked a little bit right now about the vulnerability of persuasion and sharing yourself, when you think about how to create value for other people, it automatically becomes a different mind shift for you on how to think about it. Like, you have to be a good listener, you have to listen to what they care about, you have to understand how their business works. And when you create value for someone, it can build your, your business, it can help grow your relationships. And I really, really believe it. And I've, I've lived it, so I know absolutely.

And I think when it comes to value creation, a lot of times we go in there centered on ourselves, focused on ourselves, and we don't focus on value creation for others. We focus on how we can extract value from others.

Yeah, I mean, I tell a story about how I worked for Gary Vee for almost a year. I was like, I want to show him what I do, I want to show him my intentions, I want to create value for him. And so I had to spend time learning about him, learning about his business, learning what he does, learning how he works. And then I would have a good understanding of where I could bring value to him based on all of that insight and information. So it's a process, but you have to know when to play that long term game and when to play that role as a value creator. And it's not what I think is valuable, it's what I think you think is valuable. And then I have to deliver on that. What? Oh, I have to ask you what, what are some of the things you are struggling with in your business or what are some things you care about and then find a way to create value for you in the areas that you've articulated to me.

Agreed. And this was such a nuanced point. I want to make sure that the, the listeners got it too. Because a lot of times we might not lead with curiosity because we're leading with assumptions and we say, oh yeah, I already know what this person wants. And then we try to just give them that thing or force it up, and then we wonder why our message is not received. But there's a lot of humility that's required to say, hey, listen, I might not know everything, Heaven forbid, I don't know everything. I'm going to ask and see what it means to you and then also see how you articulate it. Because then when I'm communicating with you, I can use the same language.

Yeah, I mean, that's a lot about what we're talking about. When you have like a self reliant mindset or you think about being a value creator. Like you have to learn to listen first. And we always go into things like how fast can we do it? What is the transaction? What do we need to do to deliver work for somebody without trying to at least take that inventory first? So I always think about hustle culture is out, value culture is in. Like, how do we think about not just working to stay busy and to really stay ahead and hustle, but be more intentional about it? Like, what's the value I can actually create and how can I help? I always start by asking how I can help and find a way to solve a problem that someone else is facing and to create value for them in the areas where they need it the most. And then once I deliver on that, then be in a position to either ask for help myself or ask for advice or a connection or a relationship. But I always go with the intent of giving value first.

So powerful. And what I'm recognizing is that this requires a complete paradigm shift within ourselves because. Yeah, because we have these strategies that we might be able to put in place. Like we might be able to intellectually understand it, but if we don't have that kind of heart centered approach where we don't truly believe it and we change our focus to others versus ourselves, then we're still going to struggle to put these things into practice. Because we don't have the right mindset behind the skill set.

Yeah, I mean, the mindset is the shift that I think a lot of people struggle with. Like, I know what I want to do, I'm not able to achieve my goals. I don't have the money, I don't have the team. There's a list of excuses or reasons, if you will, that people can't get to what they need to do. Like, I have a business, I want to grow it. I don't have enough team, I can't do all, take all the business I want because I don't have enough staff. So then I'm like, in order to get staff, I got to get the business. So it's like the chicken and the egg whole situation, but just Going back to your point about the mindset, one of the things that I think is like what I love people to adopt is this self reliance sort of mindset. Like I have the power within myself to achieve the goals and invest in myself. It's not about individualism or independence or isolation. It's about taking initiative. It's about innovating. It's about adaptability and agility. It's about making decisions that are going to have long term benefit. It's about leading and that growth mindset. So thinking of like, okay, do I need to really wait for my manager to give me that big project or can I take initiative and innovate and find a way to create value for the company and volunteer to create this project that I really wanted to be appointed to do? I'm just going to go do it like, or I'm just going to present that I want to do this like that's the mindset shift that I think we need to make.

I agree. And as we're making these mindset shifts, as we're trying to navigate the world and be more self reliant, there are going to be times where our plans don't work at all into surprises and all of these types of things. So can you talk to us about the power of resilience and adaptability within Completely related.

So self reliance includes the ability to adapt, to evolve and to build that resilience. So the unexpected challenges such as those brought by the pandemic or it really requires us to grow stronger and be more adaptable. And I find that resilience and reliance go hand in hand because you are going to face challenges, you are going to face setbacks. That's what life is all about, right? It's how you react to them and how you get the resources you need to get out of them. So one of the things about being self reliant is knowing like, okay, I need to build a network of relationships, of business colleagues, of associates network, it could be friends, could be family, it could be business. So that when I have a problem or I'm faced with a challenge or I'm faced with something unexpected and I need to be resilient means how am I going to react to it and bounce back from it. I'm going to need to have a network to rely on to help me get out of it. Like I might need support or I need advice or need financial assistance. It's not a good thing when I have to rely on somebody else's network to do what I need. So like, let's say I get myself in a hole. I need to have resources and relationships to get me out of that, into a network. I'm not going to have to rely on your network, Kwame, to get me out of it. So what I'd like to teach people is how to build a network, how to create value for your network. How do you keep up with your network? There's too many people I need to DM and keep up with and talk to and have coffees with. I don't have time to be a full time networker. How do I master the art of the DM on LinkedIn? How do I master the art of the DM on Instagram so I can meet that person or get to a meeting with them? So all of those things build resilience, all of those things build relationships and all of those things build your self reliance.

And what I love about this, Maha, is going back to what you said. This isn't isolationism or trying to just believe you're an island. You're saying, hey, listen, people are part of the resources that I have. I am going to invest in these relationships. And I am very personally, very interested in how to keep up with people in your network. Because you are absolutely right. That can be extremely overwhelming.

It is overwhelming. Like we get on LinkedIn and we get all those DM messages and it's just you think someone's trying to sell you something. But I got a DM on LinkedIn and it ended me up on the board of directors of the Associated Press. Like, you gotta know how to network properly, where to invest your time, who to invest your time with, how do you keep up those relationships? What's something valuable you should do for your network? How often do you need to, to talk to your network? How do I get people in my network? How do I get inside someone else's network? These are skills that are crucial for today's environment. And you have to know how to do it.

Absolutely. Maha, this has been amazing. I've taken an exorbitant amount of notes. Good. So we've gone through this. But before you go, can you please let the listeners know about the book and how they can get in touch.

The book is available on Amazon, at Barnes and Noble, at Target, wherever you get your books. And you can follow me on Instagram. Maha Gabber M A H A G A B R and join my Facebook group. I share lots of tips. I do lots of free webinars and workshops and that's called seven Rules. It's on Facebook.

Amazing. Maha, thank you so much for joining us.

I'm going to start networking with you now.

Yes.

I'm going to bring you to my network, and then we're going to network.

I love it. This is so good.

So, practical tips, lots of advice. Get your copy today.

Yes.

Thank you.

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