How to Embrace Accountability To Drive Prosperous Results with Keita Williams

Hello, my friends, and welcome to another exciting episode of Negotiate Anything. Negotiate Anything is produced by the American Negotiation Institute and with over 3 million downloads and listeners in over 180 countries, listeners just like you have made it the number one negotiation podcast in the world. I'm Kwame Christian and I'm the director of the American Negotiation Institute. We're growing and I want to introduce you to our new team members and new trainers. This will give you new and diverse perspectives on negotiation, conflict resolution. And that's why Shane Martin, our head of sales and partnerships, is going to serve as co host of the show from time to time. We're excited to continue to provide you with the best content that will help to make your difficult conversations easier both at work and at home. Lastly, our team conducts negotiation and conflict resolution trainings in the United States and abroad. Our trainings will give you the practical skills you need to resolve conflict, negotiate, lead and persuade with confidence. Click the link in the description below to learn more about how we can make your difficult conversations easier. Keeta, thanks for joining us today.

Thank you for having me. This is so exciting.

Yeah, it's exciting for me to have you in my domain.

Oh yeah, I'm on your court now.

That's right. So how about you get us started by telling the listeners a little bit about yourself and what you do?

Okay. Well, I am the founder and chief strategist of Success Bully and Success Bully is an elite accountability practice. So that makes me a professional butt kicker. And I work with high performing type A entrepreneurs in two different capacities. So on my one on one roster, I work with high performing service based businesses that are looking to cross the chasm between six figures and seven figures. And in my group coaching, I work with part time side hustlers. I want to call them emerging entrepreneurs who are looking to scale either their coaching or consulting practice so that they have the option of leaving corporate America.

And Kita, the thing that I appreciate most about you is accountability. Always holding me accountable to the the agreements that we made and the plans that we created. And that's what I want to focus on today. Because for folks out there who are leaders, friends, spouses, you know, parents, whatever it is, from time to time you're going to find yourself in a position where you have to hold somebody accountable. And so let's start off, before we even get into the strategy like the persuasive strategy behind holding somebody accountable effectively, let's discuss what accountability is.

Well, I think accountability gets a bad rap. So when you hear the term kind of thrown around. It's off after something has gone off the rails. Right. Where it's like someone needs to be held accountable. Right. When things go south, that's when you really start hearing the term thrown around. But what I like to think of accountability is it's a tool for greatness. So it's a tool that can be leveraged so that you are being honest with yourself. You're being honest about your performance, and you're being honest about committing to your big vision. And so when I think about accountability, it really is being honest. Right. Did you or did you not do it? That's what accountability is to me.

I love it. Yeah, I love the simplicity of that. Because that. And you tell me what you think about this, because we have honesty. And then also it sounds like there's a little bit of consistency in there too, right?

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Because I think that when, you know, you can't hold somebody accountable if you check in with them quarterly. Right. Your whole life can change in 30 days, you know, or. Or it's not effective if it is done every. You know, there's not a consistent schedule, there's not a consistent way that it's used. It's not a consistent amount of deliver. So, like, consistency across the board on how you show up, but also how you facilitate. Like, I have to be accountable as well, because, like, I have to make sure that you're on track and I have to show up as the best version of myself to do that.

Yeah. And now let's talk about some of the challenges now. There. There are a lot of them. So especially given your position, I'd be interested to see what you've experienced. And so let's say you're in a situation where you have been tasked either officially or unofficially, with holding somebody accountable. You're making sure that they are honest with you, themselves and the world, kind of being consistent with what they said they would do and then what they actually did. And now the reason we have we're having an episode on this is because it's difficult to do. So in your opinion, what are the things that make this process of holding somebody accountable so challenging?

Well, I think that, and I yell this on the Internet all the time, that coaching is only as good as the action that's taken. So, like, we could show up to our weekly check in, but if you didn't do the work, I can't actually do the work for you. Right. So I think that that is the most difficult part where, like, I know you can do it. You just didn't do it right? Or, or. Or the week got away from you. And so, like, what I can't do is actually do the work for you. And so sometimes that gets a little frustrating because, you know, and. And some we see this sometimes in, like, group coaching, where it's like, week after week, you're gonna show up. You're gonna show up like this. Are you. Are you comfortable with this? You want to be the caboose in this group? So, yes, I think that the frustrating part about it is that I can encourage you. We can have clear objectives. We can break it down based on what's going on in your life. I can. I can give you tough love. I can give you, you know, positive affirmations. I can give you all kinds of things, but I cannot do the work for you.

Right? And so essentially, there's an inherent lack of control in the process of holding people accountable, because when it comes down to it, they have to do what.

They said they want to do to take the action. Right?

And so for you, when you're holding somebody accountable, what is the limit? And so when is it that you say, you know what? I need to kind of take a step back because my efforts and my actions are futile or unappreciated. What are those signals to you to know that you need to adjust?

Well, what I usually do. Listen, you can waste your time. You're not going to waste my time, and I'll end the call. That. That is the most. That's the most gangster thing I will do is like, okay, well, you know, we don't have anything to talk about. I'm going to give you the same action items I gave you last week. And then I'm. I'm going all Maxine Waters. I'm reclaiming my time. I'm giving my. Give me my 30 minutes back. Because you don't value it.

This is interesting. Okay, now, this is. This is you Kida in coach mode, right? So you're. You're talking to people. They paid you already for this, and then they're not doing what they should.

I'm gonna keep invoicing you.

Now, when you do this, how much of it is a tactic in itself where it's almost like reverse psychology to a certain extent, where they're expecting you to push, and then you pull back, and then they feel that void, and.

Then they start to come even more. The next week, they did more than I asked them to do. Right? And so it's almost that, like, taking something away where it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Because the truth of it is, you're paying for access to me and my expertise. And so if you're showing up and you haven't done your work and you didn't even flag to me that, like, this is what's going on before we get on the call so we can at least troubleshoot what didn't work last week. Yeah. Then I can close the window of access.

And now you have friends, you have family members. Now, in your experience, what is the difference between Kida the friend and Keeda the coach when it comes to holding your friends accountable versus clients?

I don't work outside of work. I just. I have hurt my friends feelings. I have hurt my own feelings trying to show up that way in my personal relationships. Right. And so, like, I do my best. Like, you know, they could talk about their businesses or whatever. And I was like, I thoughtfully listen, I don't coach or if there is an opportunity where I have something valuable that is not going to. That I can untangle my emotional attachment to it, I'll say, would you like my thoughts? And I asked them if they want my thoughts. And then I drop the mic, like, here's a nugget. It's up to you to decide what you're going to do. And I untangle my attachment to their outcomes. And so, like, that's taken some really thoughtful practice to not be a success bully in every area of my life and to honestly, like, there are times where I'll literally go, you know, people pay me to do that, right? And then I just shut up. I just say it, and then I just shut up.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. And now, now let's turn this into a little bit of coaching slash therapy for me. Because for me, what's interesting and you know, with the consulting that we do, a lot of times, there's a. There's a coaching element to it. I like to mentor people, too. And now with my friends and family, I. Friends who hold me accountable and make me better. And so I always want to be that friend to other people. And then there are some people who really appreciate it, and then some people who recoil from it and it makes things worse and they mad at you. Exactly. And I'm like, man, it's you here losing. I'm trying to help you win. But anyways, and so for me, it's been really difficult to do that. That. That process of untangling yourself from the emotional desire for them to do well. So for you, how have you Been able to recognize that there are boundaries in these relationships where sometimes people need to go and just fail if they want to fail. Does your company invest in professional development training? If you believe that your team would benefit from a negotiation workshop, all you need to do is go to our website, fill out the workshop request form, and then we'll set up a time to chat. These workshops are completely customizable, and we've done them all around the country. Negotiation and conflict resolution skills are beneficial across all professions, but they're especially useful in procurement, purchasing, sales, sourcing, and contract management. Our calendar is filling up quickly, and we even have some workshops scheduled for next year if you think you might want one. I. I'd suggest reaching out soon so you don't miss out. Check out the link in the description to learn more. And now back to the show.

Oh, yeah. So I think that a lot of this I learned in my coaching practice that there is a time where, like, I can't own the outcome, I can't own the results. Results don't lie, though. I can't define myself by them, but they don't lie. And so I think that when it comes to those personal relationships, I want. I want this to be about. I don't like working all the time, you know, and it actually gives myself a break. And sometimes I have a running joke with a few of my friends when they're talking about stuff. I'm like, oh, man, if only you had a friend that did that all day. If only. If only you would join my group coaching.

Right, Right. No, that makes a lot of sense. It makes a lot of sense. And now with, with you, you've had the experience of working with a variety of different people, and so accountability will look different between the relationships you have. And so the first question is, how do you determine how best to hold people accountable? And then maybe some examples of what that looks like.

I tried to be really clear that Jody did not pay me to be nice. Like, nobody is like, oh, my goodness, she's so sweet. I need to hire her as my success bully. People don't say that. Right? So there is an. I would say that there's like a. A dial of tough love, right? Where like, sometimes it needs to be a 10, sometimes it needs to be a 5. Right? So most of my clients are not into the squish. They're not into the woo woo. You know, they're not like, just manifested and tell the signal, the universe. No, they want to know, what. What am I supposed to do tomorrow? You know, and so, yeah, so, like, I think that there's the expectation that I'm not going to be cute and cuddly. I'm not a Care Bear. Right. I'm not a Care Bear. I care about you, but I am not giving you a Care Bear stare to help you achieve your goals. Right. I'm going to tell you the truth. And, and sometimes the truth will hurt your little feelings. And, you know, I have an expression where I say, like, let me know if I'm driving up your driveway. Right. I put the car park. It's cool. Just get too personal, let me know. And I try to kind of flag things where, like, okay, would you like. I have something for you on this one. You may want to. You may book a flight and come and confront me after I say this. But, you know, so, like, I have like a little joke on the front end before I give them the hard truth. So. So, yeah, no one is paying me to be nice. I think that it is. There's varying degrees and there are. Yeah. I always check in with my clients, like, okay, so are you in a place where you can hear this or do we need to talk about this next week? Right, so just being. Having a level of self awareness that, you know, okay, how am. If I say this right now, is this going to be onboarded and processed? Will there be action out of this or will it just be, you know, how dare she? Because sometimes I get the how dare you. Very rarely, though.

Yeah, it makes sense. And so for you, you. You brand yourself as the success of Bully the. The Professional Butt Kicker. I believe that term is on your website too, right?

Indeed it is.

Yeah. And so there's going to be some self selection there where somebody says, yeah, that's. Yeah, people opt. And that. And that's good. And then. But also, even for the people who opt in, there's a little bit more of a. They have probably a thicker skin. Like you said, you work with type A people. I try to sound nice, but, you know, that's who I am inside. I'm very driven and very competitive. And so, yeah, there was going to be a little bit of a thicker skin for those people. But something that I've recognized with you is that you do have that tough love dial. And so even for me, like, I would. There would be times where I want to, like, I want to still grind and hustle. And you're like, kwame, you look kind of like wrecked right now. When was the last time you slept? You're not emotionally stable. Yeah, it's like, yeah, okay, Kwame. So on those weeks you. You pulled it back, you said, hey, first of all, self care. Second of all, do something nice for yourself that has nothing to do with the business and just stabilize and come back next week. And I was looking at my calendar, like, do something nice for myself. What does that even mean?

What does that even mean?

Yeah, but it. But again, it shows that there's. There's no one size fits all approach to persuasion. When you step. Take a step back, you have to understand what your goal is, and then you have to adjust accordingly by. By reading the room, essentially.

Absolutely. And I think that, like, there's not anyone that I work with that has a microwave goal where we just push a button and it's achieved. Right. And most of the time, there are. They are marathon, tough, mudder, you know, triathlon goals where, like, it's going to take time and discipline to achieve them. And so, like, if we need to step back, like, I had a client that just recently had surgery, and she's like, I'm behind. Yeah, you just had an organ removed. That's cool. Take a break. You aren't healthy. None of this other stuff goes right. And so, like, I'm always cognizant that. And even in my own business, there were times when I was just running myself ragged and then, you know, wondering why I look terrible, I feel terrible, and my clients aren't happy. Right. Because I'm not taking care of me. So I'm very cognizant of that. That self care, getting proper rest, staying minding your business and staying hydrated. I'm also really an advocate of that as well.

Yeah, no, it makes sense. And I. And I'll tell you that of all of my coaches, you are the one that my family loves the most because. Yeah, because last month they were like, man, Kwame, that family vacation was really great. What came out of nowhere? What made you do it? My coach told me to do it.

It's one of my three priorities.

Yes. I have been tasked. I have been programmed to do it this week. Be ready to be loved, you know, and, yeah, it was love. Exactly. It was great. And it's exactly what I needed. But I think it, again, it just shows the. The versatility of the approach and also I think a big part of it, especially when you're dealing with people who are very driven, or let's not even say driven, who are very focused. So the people who are type A that you work with are very focused on accomplishing a specific goal. There are other people that might be very focused on just purely recreational activities. Right. Whatever it is, a lot of times people are myopically focused on one thing or another to the detriment of everything else. And so you can correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I think a big part of what you do is help people to gain perspective during these coaching sessions.

Absolutely. I do think that, like, because I work with hyper achievers, there's this tendency to be on this achievement hamster wheel, right? You're smiling because I'm driving up your driveway too. Whereas, like, you accomplish one thing and then you just go, go, go to the next thing, and then you're on to the next thing, and then you got the next thing. Then you're like, I did this, now I got to do that. And there's this, this drive to just keep hitting benchmarks and having these firsts and all of these things where, like, there's never a time to just celebrate and appreciate how far you've come. And so that's why I start every coaching session with, what are we celebrating since last we spoke, right? Because, like, just, okay, let's pump the brakes on the achievement wheel. Let's recognize what you have accomplished. And sometimes we had one week where it was like, I'm still standing, I'm.

Still here, I made it, I'm still here.

I didn't quit, I didn't quit. And it's like that sometimes, right? And so I think that kind of celebrating the process, because I think that, and I see this across all types of goals, not just business focused goals that we get obsessed with the end, with the outcome and don't celebrate that. There's a lot of steps and a lot of actions that need to be taken to get that desired outcome. And so, like, you know, I think we get frustrated because we're like, I'm not at the end point yet, or I haven't crossed the finish line when, okay, well, you did a quarter mile. Let's celebrate that. Right? Because there's a compound effect. And so, yeah, so I think that I try to be very cognizant about, okay, let's take a step back a second. Let's celebrate. Okay. Like, sometimes the celebration is, you know, I didn't quit. I literally did not quit. And then other times it's like, we. We had this big realization. We had this big aha moment. I think we had this in a couple weeks where it was like, I didn't quit to, like, I had this aha. This is A game changer. Right. And so like taking a break and celebrating those things, I think that's important for hyperachievers to do.

Absolutely. Yeah. And it's funny I was smiling when you said that because I realized that, yeah, you, it didn't hit me that that was actually an intentional part of the call, but it makes a lot of sense. We always took the time to celebrate. And I have been. This is going to sound very strange, but I've been very bad at celebrating my wins because there's, there's this voice inside of my head that's like, I mean, you, congrats on doing what you were supposed to do. Yeah. Now go do something else you were supposed to do. Keita. I didn't even want to go to my undergrad graduation because I was like, I'm not impressed. I'm, I'm not done yet.

That's what I'm supposed to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's like taking the, the, the lessons from your parents about being a high level achiever and then making it toxic, you know, and so it's, it's really important because like you said, when you're holding people accountable. Yeah. A lot of times people focus on the negative like it's a bad thing. It's going to be hard, it's going to be icky and people are going to feel bad. But what you're demonstrating is that an important part of holding people accountable is getting them to slow down and appreciate the times when they did well. Because a lot of times it doesn't register because I mean, in our last coaching session yesterday, you're saying, oh, what are we celebrating? And I, it caught me off guard. I didn't even think about anything. And then we had what, like five, six, seven things.

It was like a page and a half of celebration notes. I was like, okay, yeah.

And that, and that matters for, for mental health too, because when you think about just in the study after study in psychology shows that just simply maintaining a gratitude journal does wonders for mental health. And so if it's going to do wonders for mental health, it's going to, going to also do wonders for the relationship that you have with other people too. So it makes it more effective when you're holding people accountable because you're not just a cloud of negativity. There's a lot of positivity that comes.

I want you to dread getting on a call with me. I don't want you to feel like you got to climb in the box of shame or, or not show up or suddenly have some weird illness because you didn't do what you said you was going to do. You don't have to do all that because there's still. Even if you had an absolute terrible week, there's still something to celebrate, you know, And I think that, that, that is. That also frames the conversation when you. When you have that, that positive. If you start the conversation with, I didn't do this, I didn't do that, I didn't do this, that is just gonna. That's gonna be 20 minutes of, you know, complaining. Whereas if we're celebrating, okay, well, then what didn't work this week? Okay, let's unpack that a little bit. But now let's get back to what. What's. What is working? What else can we change? What else can we shift? Right. So it's all very exciting to me. I'm very passionate about it. Can you believe I get to do this all day?

All day? And I'm just glad to be part of it. It's fantastic. So, listeners, yes. If you are out there looking to take your business game to the next level, Kita is the person to work with. Kita, we really appreciate it. Thank you for joining us. And before you go, let the listeners know how they can get in touch.

Absolutely. You can find me@successbully.com you can find me on all the socials at Success Bully. We're all on Brand. I got them all. I got all the handles. So that's how you can find us.

Fantastic. Thanks again, Kita. Really appreciate it. Congratulations. You've just joined an elite club by listening to a full episode. You're now officially on the Negotiate Anything team, so. So welcome aboard. What most team members do is they subscribe to the podcast because that allows them to automatically get the latest episodes of the show. The best things in life lie on the other side of difficult conversations. Keep learning, keep practicing, and keep getting better. Your relationships will improve, your career will soar, and you'll have the confidence you need to get the most out of these crucial conversations. Again, thank you for joining the team. Team. We're excited to have you, and I will see you in the next episode. I'll catch you later.