How to Win In Business and Romance with Difficult Conversations With Marcus and Jessica Trufant

Hello, my friend, and welcome to another episode of Negotiate Anything. Thanks for spending time with us today. It's listeners like you in 181 different countries that have made Negotiate Anything the most popular negotiation and conflict resolution podcast in the world. I'm your host, Kwame Christian. I'm a business lawyer, mediator, professor, and the director of the American Negotiation Institute. Before we get started, I have two quick questions for you. Is negotiation a critical part of what you do? Do you need to resolve conflict and persuade at work? If you answered yes to both of those questions, visit our website to learn more about our negotiation workshops. We've traveled the country working with professionals just like you, and we'd love to have the opportunity to work with you, too. Check out the link in the description to learn more. Jessica and Marcus, thanks for joining us today.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Thank you.

My pleasure. So let's take turns. How would you get started? Marcus, you can get us started telling us a little bit about yourself and what we do. And then, Jessica, you can jump into.

Yes. Marcus Trufant, former 10 year veteran to the NFL player for the Seattle Seahawks for 10 years. I'm born and raised in Washington, so that's a special thing for me. My friends, my family, everybody involved got to watch me play for a long time. Grew up in the area. I have a wife and five beautiful children. Been married for 12, 13 years now. So yeah, so now that I'm retired, definitely more involved with the family. Of course I missed a lot of birthdays, missed a lot of holidays, all that kind of good stuff. So now I'm doing a little bit of business, but I'm definitely about the family and spending a lot of my time there.

Fantastic.

All right.

My name is Jessica Trufont. Of course. I am Marcus Trufant's wife. I am a stay at home mom. I've been a stay at home mom.

For.

A long time and I am currently a homeschool extraordinaire and I was also born and raised in Seattle, Washington. And yeah, I'm happy to be here. Five great kids, drives us a little crazy, but we're good. And yeah, I think that's about it.

Fantastic.

And now we have a podcast together.

Yes. Tell us about the show.

It is called Truly Unruly and the podcast is Truly Unruly.

It's just that. Yeah, it's definitely just that. And we talk about everything from family business to talk about relationships. We talk about current events, we talk about a little bit about everything, but it centers around us. Opening up and kind of giving people backstage, kind of preview of our lives.

Yeah. Kind of an intimate look into our lives. And we pretty much talk about the things and say the things that people want to say and talk about, but they can't or don't. So we're here to just kind of be ourselves and show everybody that, you know, we are everyday people and we go through the same things. The ups, the downs, the goods, the bads, the crazy. And yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's a fun show.

That's great. That is great. And hey, kudos to you 5 kids. I have one and I'm overwhelmed, so I could not imagine.

We don't know how we're. We don't know how we're sitting here now.

Right?

Yeah, that's great. And so, quick note to the audience. So everybody out there. You know, with the podcast, usually we stick to three really tight topics, skills and things like that. But with this episode, we're going to do it a little bit differently. It's going to be a little bit more of a conversation than. And so what we're going to do is we're going to talk about how we can use these difficult conversations in business, in our families, and more specifically with our relationships, too, because it's incredible what you've been able to do with your business and that you're able to do it together. That's even more impressive. Right. And so I think folks can learn a lot about communication and conflict resolution and respectful communication from both of you. And so let's start off on the business side. Tell us a bit about the business structure and what conversations pop up that can be challenging for you.

Well, yeah, there's several places, at least for me. I like my business to cross over, of course, into family. I feel like you have to have the work life balance. So, you know, I had to learn that kind of the hard way. And through a lot of conversations with my wife and making sure that, okay, I went through retirement, I was missing everything, just like I said, For 10 years, I missed a lot of stuff. I'm away from home. But after retirement, I wanted to make sure that I was secure. And you hear about all the horror stories of guys going broke after they're done playing. So I wanted to get involved in business. I played around. I did some small stuff here and there to get my feet wet. But now I've settled on a self storage, and that's what I've been doing for about 10 years now. I built from the ground up. I've did some conversions. I've been acquiring some existing as well. So that part of it has been huge, and I've had to build my team is what I figured out. I can't do it all on my own. I can't take on all these different jobs. As former athlete, you kind of have this Superman complex that I can do everything. I can figure everything out, and I can go to the moon. I'm about to have all this crazy stuff. I'm about to do crazy business. But you have a wife and a family at the same time, so you have to make sure that you take care of both sides. So that's just a start. So you kind of let me know exactly where you want me to go with that. I could talk about that all day.

Yeah. Oh, this is great. And so, Jessica, I want to start with you here, too, because let's focus on that transition. So now Marcus was in the NFL, transitioning to civilian life, if you will. And I'm sure there was an assumption that this means more time with you and with the family, right?

Absolutely. It was like he said it was 10 years of him being gone a lot. And so when he retired, it was like, yay. I had just had our fourth daughter, and I'm like, yay, he's going to be home. And this is one. This is one smart cookie. Before he even retired, he started setting in motion the storage business and kind of, like he said, getting his feet wet and learning. So he just went straight into it, and, you know, he was gone still. He was a student of storage, so he spent a lot of time learning and going to classes and traveling to different, you know, storage conventions and stuff like that. And so, like he said, there were some tough conversations had because, like you said, I was expecting him to be here a little bit more and help me with these four kids. And they were all very little, and so, you know, we just had to talk about it and talk about the balance. And I know it takes time to get stuff started and businesses going and the, you know, the effort and all that put into it, but we figured it out through those difficult conversations and how to balance it. And I think we have a balance now.

Right? I agree.

Yeah, we have a balance. So it's a process. That's great.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think this is a great teachable moment for the audience, too, because when you think about the breakdown of business and personal relationship, any type of relationship you have, it comes down to one thing. A lot of times people think it's communication, but it's actually the violation of expense expectations. Right. I think things are going to be this way. You think things are going to be that way. And then the gap between expectations and reality, that's how upset, frustrated, disappointed that we feel. And so I could imagine from your perspective, there was a lot of pain that came from the fact that I'm expecting a lot more time. I'm not getting that. That time and that discrepancy kind of hurts.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. And especially when you bring that to light. You know, he's like, I'm working. I'm working my tail off. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. But I'm like, I need. I need. I still need you too. Right? We still want you around. We want you to be here and be involved. And don't get me wrong, he is involved. He is so involved with his kids. Like, you're amazing. I don't know how he does it, how he balances everything that he did.

A lot of shout outs. I like that. Hey, all right.

But, yeah, you can, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So I would say, yes, the expectation and just making sure that we do communicate on the goals that we have set. I want to do all this great stuff in business. I want to be, you know, I want to transition from the NFL in this way. I need to tell my wife that. I need to let her know that, just as she needs to tell me, okay, these goals of her having some backup, that now I'm there. I'm able to, you know, I can't so much help with homeschool, but now I can be the bus driver. I could take the kids to all their events and do all the different stuff like that. So just being on the same page is really what it comes down to. And I like what you said about the expectation. I think that's huge. Right.

And compromise and, you know, all of that negotiations, compromising. That's kind of how it. That's kind of how it works.

That's what you're. I agree.

Yeah. And I think also this. This helps us to explore a bit personality types, too. Right. Because I sense, Marcus, that you're. You're pretty competitive. Right. If you're. If you're going into something, you're not just saying, oh, this is a passive investment. You're like, I'm going to win this.

Right? Right.

Yeah. You're spot on.

Right. But for me, there's two sides of that. Of course I'm competitive, but I do want to be humble. I had to Come in like a rookie. I had to come in like a kindergartner. That was just learning because it wasn't my field. I had been in the game of football for so long, and that's all you really have time for. And that's all you know, which I think is a mistake for a lot of young athletes. So as I talked to other guys, I talked to other athletes, you have to set yourself up before and just try to change this model that they have set up. You come in, you get a financial advisor, and then you get an agent, and that's really it. But you gotta be looking at the big picture. In most cases, you don't play for very long, and there's injuries and there's all kind of stuff. The money's gonna run out, so you gotta make sure that's gonna last. So, yes, I'm very competitive, but you have to be humble. And I wanted to be humble coming into this. So that's why I had to put so much time in, because I had to learn the game.

Right? Hey, I appreciate it. I appreciate it.

Does your company invest in professional development training? If you believe that your team would benefit from a negotiation workshop, all you need to do is go to our website, fill out the workshop request form, and then we'll set up a time to chat. These workshops are completely customizable, and we've done them all around the country. Negotiation and conflict resolution skills are beneficial across all professions, but they're especially useful in procurement, purchasing, sales, sourcing, and contract management. Our calendar is filling up quickly, and we even have some workshops scheduled for next year if you think you might want one. I'd suggest reaching out soon so you don't miss out. Check out the link in the description to learn more. And we will be right back after this. Right. And I know for me, I'm very competitive. I think. I look at my son and I say, yeah, he's just like his dad, pathologically competitive. We need to work on that. Right? And so it's all about balance, Right? And I recognize that a lot of times the people in my life who are closest to me and know me best and know what I really want to accomplish, not just in business, but. But also in my family. They're able to see things from a different perspective and say, hey, Kwame, you have a blind spot here. You're focusing so much on this. You're neglecting things at home. And I say, oh, you're right. Right. But it takes a lot of vulnerability and trust to have that Type of relationship where you're humble enough to listen and then you're. You're bold enough to say what needs to be said.

Yes.

Yes. It took a while for Marcus to kind of figure out that, you know, I was serious when I'm saying I really. I need you here a little bit. You know, I need your. You're very entrenched in your business right now, and I just really would like you to just take a step back, take a breather, and just kind of be with us for a little bit. And at first, he was fighting me a little bit on it, and then he just. I don't know what clicked.

I would say this, that sometimes when you're so into something, whether that's sport, business, or even in type of relationship, you have these blinders on. Right. Because you're locked in and you're really in the moment and you're getting all these feelings and the butterflies and all that kind of stuff that comes with being excited, being happy, that sometimes it takes somebody outside of that to kind of. To kind of press the button or turn on the light bulb, I guess, or whatever you want to say. So you can see yourself because you really can't see yourself because you're in it, so.

Right. But you're supposed to have those butterflies.

That's why I said a relationship, too. You're so locked in on this relationship.

You have butterflies in business and relationships.

It's crossover.

Okay.

Yeah.

He has special butterflies for you.

Right, right, right. There you go.

So here's another interesting aspect, too, because it's not just only making the right decisions in business, making time to spend with your family, but also the fact that you. You have to set effective boundaries. Right. So I'm assuming you know it. I'm not living your life, so you correct me if I'm wrong here. So being from Washington, growing up in Washington, then coming back and playing for the. The team in your state, I'm assuming there were a lot of people that you grew up with who were around you, Right. And so you didn't even get the situation where, okay, I'm going into a new city. I'm starting a new circle. So, like, oh, it's already there. So my circle just keeps on getting bigger and bigger. What I've experienced for me in my business as it's grown, and when I talk to other successful people for them as they grow, a lot of people want to become involved in what it is that you're doing, but you can't say yes to everybody. And so I want to talk about boundaries and how you were able to set those boundaries effectively without destroying relationships that were important to you. Right.

Well, I know for me, just like everything, there is a learning curve, and I felt like I was ahead of the game because my parents were very involved in my business dealings early on. I would say, as a young player, you're, you know, 22 to 23 years old. And my parents have always been there to support, so they were kind of like that wall. They were kind of like the gatekeepers as people wanted to come around, people wanted to be involved. And if you weren't a part of the circle that was with us as we grew, then you really couldn't get in. But you can't bring everybody with you. And that's just really what it comes down to over time. Time will tell. Different type of energy, people are going in different directions, got different goals. It kind of happened naturally for me. So I felt like I was one of the lucky ones. I kept a pretty good circle anyway. I'm a pretty chill guy, pretty low key, so I tend to hang out with guys that are like that. So that was my style, but it's definitely a part of it. Just like I said, you can't take everybody with you, or you'll both go down and you go down in flames, and you won't have anybody to blame but yourself.

Right. And what about it for you, Jessica, too, because you're part of the team as well. And so I'm sure people. And I've seen this before, people are like, oh, I can't get to Marcus. Let me just go through Jessica. Right. So for you, how were you able to set those boundaries?

Well, I do get that a lot. People going through me to get to him, and I just set the boundary by saying, go through him yourself. Right. It's like, you don't. Who am I, you know, his reporter or, you know, anything like that? No, you go directly to him. And I, like Marcus said, it is a learning curve. And I am. I am still learning about setting boundaries. And because I am one that loves to, you know, bring everybody with us and come one, come all. And you just. You can't do that because it doesn't always work. But definitely when people are trying to go through me to get to him, I'm like, you got to contact him directly, and it's up to his discretion if he wants to, you know, deal with you or not. So just keeping it real.

Yeah. No. You know, what I love about this is that it's Almost like a company. You're operating like a company. I have a policy. Oh, if you want to go to this person, these are the appropriate channels to do so.

Right.

Sorry. It's beyond my control. This is not my problem. This is your problem. Go the other way.

Right.

And I think that's a really smart way to do it, because you're not putting it on yourself. You're not absorbing that pressure, because really what's happening is there. It's, you know, putting in almost like an unfair pressure on you.

Right.

Where it's like a tension between that relationship with the person who's asking you and the relationship with your husband, too. Right, Right. And so you don't want to play that middle position. It's not fair to you. And so you just say, listen, not my problem, and keep it very simple. Say, this is the appropriate way to do it. This is my personal policy. This is how we'll go forward.

Right.

Right. I am not the middleman. I am not his security. Do not go through me.

And it's tough. It's tough because we both have that attitude and kind of that energy that we want to bring everybody around. We want to keep everybody involved. We want to help everybody. So, you know, that goes for nonprofit, that goes for business. We want people to be involved with business with us. We want to be able to help people. We want to be able to do things. But it's a strain on us. And you really have to take care of home first, because we can't be those people for others if we don't take care of ourselves first, if we don't take care of our business, we don't take care our relationship, and then we can't help anybody.

You can't be everything to everybody. It just doesn't work.

No. Spot on. And let's talk about the nonprofit, too, because with the nonprofit, I'm assuming there's some fundraising activities that have to happen. What are some things that you've done to essentially have those negotiations to advocate for your nonprofit to help the people that you want to serve?

Well, I think it comes down to just your mission and your goals. And with me being local and being in the community for so long, I started out my nonprofit, and I didn't really know who I wanted to help. And this goes back to my background of trying to help everybody and do everything. So now we've settled on education for minorities and giving scholarships. So going into these different businesses and different places, I think our family name and everything that we've done for so long. I think it carries a lot of weight and just proving to people that we do want to help, and we've been doing it for so long, and that's really what the negotiation comes down to. If you want to. You guys are like minded, and we both want to do the same thing. Let's partner up so we can make more of an impact.

Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. And what you're showing, too, is the power of reputation, power of credibility. The fact that you've been there, you have trust, and the fact that you've done it the right way for so long, it continues to build up that trust. And so it's not. Not even the fact that they're pouring into the nonprofit. Even though they are pouring into the nonprofit, literally. They're also pouring into you because they trust both of you to be. To be effective stewards of their donation.

Absolutely.

Yeah. That's fantastic. Well, great. Well, let's wrap this up on a lighter note too, because, you know, I thought I was, you know, struggling over here with one kid, and here you are with five. So when you're having those difficult conversations with your children, with so many of them probably coming at you at the same time, how do you manage that type of pressure and still display that loving affect that you want to show?

Well, well, we have five kids, five different personalities. We have to parent and negotiate and conversate with each kid differently. So when they're all coming at us at once, sometimes we literally have to kind of talk to them one by one to allow them to voice their concerns and deal with them according to, you know, their personality and their personal wants and needs. So it's not just. We don't just kind of do blanket parenting where it's like the same for every child. It is definitely different because every child, our kids react differently to different things, and they want different things and they have different expectations from us. And so that's how we do it.

Right. And my beautiful wife came up with this idea maybe a couple years ago that we want to check in with the kids and really let them voice their opinions on us. And I felt like it's been good to have the kids open up and be able to practice saying the things they like and saying the things they don't like. And I think it's good on both sides. So it is really kind of like.

It'S an evaluation pretty much. Yeah.

Evaluation and a compromise and letting the kid's voice be heard. Of course we're gonna be par. We're the parents, and we have the last say. But we do want our kids to feel like their voices are heard. Yeah. It's just like running a company. You want your employees to feel like they're heard. Right.

Right. And we want to know. We're like, are we doing a good job or are we not doing a good job? How could we improve? You know, it literally. It's like an evaluation.

It's pretty funny sometimes. It's good. Yeah.

Wow. That's fantastic. And kudos. That. Kudos. I know that's not easy to do because I, you know, I try to do the same thing with Kai, and sometimes he's like, you know, I didn't like this food today.

You didn't like the food.

That's funny, man. That's funny because I worked a long day, and I.

Seriously. Yeah.

Yes.

At least you got food on the table. Right?

Right. You gotta let that. You gotta kind of let that roll off when they. You just prepared a meal and they look at it and they're like, ew, that's nasty. We don't like it.

It's like, okay, I tell you it's tough. And I tell people all the time, those are the toughest ones. And I think the thing for parents to remember is this. A lot of times when we're having these conversations with our kids, it's after a long day. It's after a long day, you don't have the same cognitive reserves and patience that you had at the beginning. And I think that's so important to recognize the importance of just slowing down, recognizing, hey, emotionally, psychologically. Right now, me personally, as the father, I am not at my best. Let me slow it down. Because usually the first thing that I want to say right now is not the right thing to say right now.

Yeah, we're very open. It's like, I am. I am tapped out sometimes. I'm like, I am. Mentally, emotionally, physically, I am. I'm tapped out. So you guys have to allow me some grace like I allow you. And, you know, just being honest with them and because they're little. They're little adults in training, so I just, you know, want the same respect and give them the same respect.

Yep. And I go back to the Superman complex. I'm a guy that I think, again, I could do everything. I could work all day, and I could come back to the house and I could do everything with the kids. But you burn out, so you got to give yourself breaks. You got to take some time off or you got to take a Day off. If you're going to go hard one day, you got to try to take a day off or you got to schedule yourself accordingly. Because if I want to be businessman and dad, I can't do that 24 hours a day. I got to make sure I give myself a little break. So I schedule those in. Or I try to.

At least we get breaks.

I try to give myself breaks. So every now and then. Yeah, because you never get a break. I know that, Mama. Right?

Oh, I. Well, I try.

That's your next negotiation, Jessica.

That's right.

Well, this is fantastic. I appreciate your time today. But before you go, can you let the listeners know again about the podcast, about the nonprofit and all the work you're doing?

Yes. The nonprofit is the True Family Foundation. You can go to trufyfamily.com and all the information is there. We've got started a COVID 19 emergency relief fund. Of course, we got our scholarship program. So all the information is there. And then the podcast, Truly Unruly, about me and my wife here, Jessica, and our crazy kids and everything that comes with that. You could go to Instagram and go to Truly unrulypodcast, or you could subscribe on IG arcustrufont. And all the episodes are there. And you can listen at Podcast One and Apple Podcasts.

And we're on YouTube. You can watch us on YouTube.

Fantastic. Listeners will have all the links down there in the description. And thank you both for sharing your time with us. We really appreciate it.

Thank you for having us. Thank you.

My pleasure. Congratulations. You've just joined an elite club by listening to a full episode. You're now officially on the Negotiate Anything team. So welcome aboard. What most team members do is they subscribe to the podcast because that allows them to automatically get the latest episodes of the show. The best things in life lie on the other side of difficult conversations. Keep learning, keep practicing, and keep getting better. Your relationships will improve, your career will soar, and you'll have the confidence you need to get the most out of these crucial conversations. Again, thank you for joining the team. We're excited to have you, and I will see you in the next episode. I'll catch you later.