Non-Verbal Negotiation - Highlight Reel

Hey, I'm Kwame Christian, and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where we teach you how to make difficult conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process. Each episode is packed with practical tips and strategies from the experts. We delve into negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership skills that are crucial in both business and in life. Whether you're closing a deal, managing a team, or navigating personal relationships, Negotiate Anything provides you with the tools you need to succeed. Our conversations are real, relatable, and most importantly, rooted in practicality. So if you're ready to transform your conversations and elevate your negotiation skills, join me on Negotiate Anything. Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you love to listen. Let's make every conversation a winning negotiation. Just before we get started, can you just give us a brief overview of what body language is and how it relates to negotiation?

Body language itself is something that adds an extra dimension to the way we project ourselves and the words we use to do so. Now that's a synopsis, because as it relates to negotiation, someone can say, that's my best offer. Now, folks may have observed that I literally leaned away as I was saying that even that gesture can convey two different sentiments. Number one, that's my best offer. I want to get away from the statement that's my best offer. And I'm sticking to it because I don't want to be any closer to you, the opposition to whom I'm negotiating with. So if someone saw that, knowing that there are two possible avenues that that particular display could convey, one would follow up from a negotiation point of view of your best offer. Now you notice the head tilt there, the inquisitiveness in which I actually conveyed my sentiments. Also. So by saying something along the lines of your best offer, you're soliciting the person that emitted that first gesture to continue to give you more insight, to give you more input from which you can then even slightly shift your perspective of how you present yourself from that point on. Let's take it a step further, and the person said, that's absolutely my best offer. Now you notice the synchronization with the words and the finger coming down on the words I was pronouncing to add emphasis on that's my best offer. You may have also noticed the deepening of my voice tonality as I said that that gesture also indicates a more seriousness now for that particular individual that's speaking those words per his mindset his or her mindset and the position in which they are taken at that moment in time. So those are just some quick examples, and there are tons of examples of how people should always observe body language in a negotiation to gather more information and insight.

So first of all, listeners, if you're not subscribed to our YouTube page or negotiate anything premium, you need see this video because this is great. This is a masterclass already, Greg, because what we're seeing is that there is often a difference between what somebody's words convey and then what their body conveys. That's one thing. And then also, when you understand body language, then you recognize that you can amplify your own message by synchronizing what your words are saying with your body language to make what you're saying a lot more convincing. This is incredibly powerful. And I want to go back to what you said at the beginning. Understanding body language gives us an extra dimension. And when it, it comes to negotiation, ultimately it's an information game. The more information we have, the better we're going to be. And we recognize that if we are not paying attention to body language or if we're on the phone or trying to negotiate via email, we're not even privy to being able to read the body language. We're missing out on an incredible amount of information that can help us in the negotiation.

Now, see, Kwame, you just shined again and showed why you're such an excellent negotiator too. That was a great synopsis for sure. There was definitely value add as you highlight it and being able to reach body language. And I'll add non verbal communications because you spoke about being on the phone and not being able to see the gestures that someone may emit. You can hear some of them though, in the way that they speak. Someone just presented an offer to you and the person said, I can do that at $100,000. That's different from I can do that at $100,000, which is even more different than I could do that at 100,000. Now, the same words were spoken, but three different sentiments were conveyed via the tonality and pace at which someone emitted those words. And thus, if you observe even how they say something, when you can't see someone's body language gestures, you can still listen to their nonverbal cues and hear what's actually not seen and gather that as additional information from which you can reposition your offer or counter offer.

This is so cool, because I think there's an element that could be almost overwhelming because you're saying, oh, wait a second, because I'm here talking to you speaking English, okay, that's one thing that's occurring. But then the same words delivered in different ways mean completely different things. And then when we blend tonality with the body language, that's an additional thing for us to read. And so again, it can feel overwhelming to say, oh my gosh, I didn't realize how much I was missing and how much more there is to observe. But let's focus on that keyword observe. You need to start observing these things because everybody started when it comes to reading body language and effective communication, we all started at ground zero, and then we just started observing and trying to get incrementally better every single time. So just start by paying attention. That's the start. And now when we think about this too, when we're thinking about the preparation it takes to come into the conversation, we're recognizing now that we can't script these things because we're going to have to consistently make these reads and micro adjustments based on what we're getting from the other side.

Oh, that's a thousand percent correct. And to the point of scripting how you think the negotiation is going to flow, you can initially do that, and people should, as they gather information about the entity within whom they will be negotiating. The more you know about that entity, the better you can position yourself and also reposition yourself throughout the negotiation. If by chance, something occurs that you had planned for or did not plan for, because to the degree that you are prepared, you will more likely be able to reach the outcome that you're seeking from the negotiation. So let's talk about preparation, if you wish, and preparing for a negotiation, again, dependent upon to what the agree it's worth it. I've actually had clients that have hired private investigators to gather additional information, gone through social media channels to position how you, the negotiator, wanted that entity to be perceived by the other parties that may have had a stake that were not necessarily at the negotiation table, such that they've placed that individual in a particular position before the negotiation even starts. And doing that again allows the plans that one can then implement to become more successful or not. So there's a lot that goes into the negotiation, and again, dependent upon how valuable the outcome is to you, you should take painstaking efforts to initially figure out who it is you're negotiating with, what are their triggers, what triggers you might want to invoke in them to get them to do certain things, and how it that you're Going to get back on track per where you thought you'd be at any one point in time in the negotiation to make sure that you continue down the path you've set forth.

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All right, so I can't say the country, but you know, people ask me all the time, well, you know, you're teaching, you come out and you teach negotiations and so forth. And your approach is a little different. I said it's no different than what you do every day, only the stakes are a little different. So one of the things that I was tasked to do when I was in the FBI Watch, which was to target individuals who were intelligence officers for other countries who were operating here, what the public calls spies, and to try and recruit them so that they would come and work for us. And so a lot of times I would run into these individuals here and there and sort of make myself known and so forth, but never really approached them directly because sometimes they were being followed or they themselves might take some action against me. So sometimes we would try and pick out where would be a great place to run into these individuals. And sometimes it was in what we call denied areas of the world. And those were areas where you knew that if the minute you land, you may be under surveillance and so forth. So we would find places to run into these individuals. Now, you and I have talked about negotiations and planning and everything that, the preparation and so forth, but sometimes, in one case, I only had seven minutes. I had seven minutes between the minute, you know, the moment that this, this individual's plane landed in a country I won't say, and his connecting flight. And so I had to figure out, you know, through observation, which is what really a lot of the book is about, is what are his tendencies? How does he walk? You know, would it be best to just confront him directly, you know, by approaching him from the front, or as I finally did by walking up beside him and sort of looking over at him and smiling. And, you know, he had this look of surprise, but it's like, I can't even believe you're here, dude. You know, it's like, just keep walking, don't say any word. And meanwhile, I'm just walking like another passenger. And therein begins the negotiations. It was one of these things where I didn't have to say who I was. He knew at that moment, finally who I was. And convince him, negotiate that I want to meet with you, if you will, but tell me where that might be possible. And the fact that he walked alongside of me, the fact that we never changed the pace, that he didn't confront me or anything. And sure enough, the next time we had that opportunity, he did it in a rather clear way. He knew I was nearby. And rather than take the gum that he was chewing and throwing it in the garbage can, he took the gum and he wrapped it around a piece of paper and he laid it on the edge of the garbage bin. And that set the meeting for the eventual cooperation with me. And I look back at that and I think of the companies that I've helped with in negotiations and the planning, the articulation, the craftsmanship of, well, who's going to approach, who will enter the room first, who will be speaking when the lead negotiator is speaking, what is everybody else doing? Because are you just sitting there? Are you going to use your hands to gesture, Are you going to nod in agreement? Or are you going to sit directly in front of the other person in a stair contest, which I don't recommend? And so a lot of similarities. Obviously, you know, we're dealing with nation state actors, but the craftsmanship that you use is the same.

This is fantastic. And again, this, what you've taped, what you've done is you've taken what we know about psychology, human interaction and persuasion, and you've taken it to the next level by understanding human behavior in a way that puts you in a position where you can accomplish your goal, whatever the goal happens to be in that situation. And that's why it's so transferable, because you're using, using these skills in the highest of stakes interactions. Counterintelligence, spies, double agents, and those type of things. But the same psychology applies at the boardroom as well in these business negotiations.

Yeah, the same psychology. Now, keep in mind, a lot of times in negotiations, you're dealing with corporations and they have their own sort of mentality or history, but then you have the history, or what I call the luggage of Individuals. You know, I was in negotiations down in Broward county, where these folks, the county and another entity are in. Every three years, they're in negotiations and they have so much luggage. And this is where unpacking that and understanding that we have to deal with that emotional luggage and we have to park it, you know, that the concept of, you know, put the ego aside, well, that's all said and good, but it's. It's not that easy that you have to understand the process personalities and then how to best approach each other. And sometimes having the right person make the right presentation is going to be the surest winner rather than having somebody else doing it. So there's a lot that goes into it. Obviously, the more important the negotiation, the higher the stakes, the more effort that you can put into it.

Absolutely. And Joe, in your opinion, what are some of the biggest psychological mistakes that people make during negotiation? Does your company invest in professional development training? If you believe that your team would benefit from a negotiation workshop, all you need to do is go to our website, fill out the workshop request form, and then we'll set up a time to chat. These workshops are completely custom, customizable, and we've done them all around the country. Negotiation and conflict resolution skills are beneficial across all professions, but they're especially useful in procurement, purchasing, sales, sourcing, and contract management. Our calendar is filling up quickly, and we even have some workshops scheduled for next year if you think you might want one. I'd suggest reaching out soon so you don't miss out. Check out the link in the description to learn more. And now back to the show.

I love that question. Thank you. I think the biggest mistake is thinking that little things don't matter. If I could, you know, if I could, you know, say hello, McFly. These. Every little thing is important from the moment you walk in, how you set up the meeting, how you greet the staff, saying hello to the security guards, the receptionists, everything else, being attentive to others in the smallest of ways, being polite, shaking hands, being mindful not to elevate emotions. Something so simple you and I were talking recently about that we can increase face time with each other if we but would just angle each other a little bit. Because to look at each other straight on is, in effect, very antagonizing. The minute that we can just, even if it's just rotating a little in the chair, we can just soften the mood, turn, yielding, making it an art form that, you know, I'm going to let you speak and I'm going to Let you speak fully and completely, and then I. Hopefully you will yield, and then it'll be my turn. And these little things that, you know, I mean, I can tell you all the horror stories of people in negotiation and somebody's, you know, working their phone or somebody picking their ear, and you say, no, I can't believe I'm seeing this. And that's because nobody has told them that everything in the theater of negotiations matters. Everything. And, you know, from, you know, facial reactions. Right? So we often talk about facial reactions, and somebody will throw out a number, and immediately you'll see the wrinkled nose and, you know, the shaking head. And right away, now you've got to deal not just with the possibility of a no, but you're dealing with someone who is demonstrating this, which makes it even more difficult because now you have to overcome this display and so forth. So it's that. I would say it's that recognition that the small things. I think most people in negotiations work the facts and work the. But, you know, I know in the FBI, we would literally rehearse, you know, how we would walk in, who would walk in first, where we would sit, who looks at whom, how are things transacted, who will say what words, all.

Because.

You know, in the theater of the interview or the theater of negotiations, it's the small things that. That really matter.

You're absolutely right. And I think that's one of the most interesting things about what you bring to the table with your expertise, too, really hammering home that reality. And I think about the. One of the classic sayings from chess is every move has a purpose. You don't just make moves for the sake of moving to the pieces. There's always a reason behind it.

Absolutely. For instance, when do we call recess? When do we ask for a break? When do we stop sitting down? I remember I was giving a lecture up north at a really prestigious university, and they were shocked when I said, well, why don't we just get up from the chair? And it's like, what? Yeah, why do we have to remain sitting? Just get up from the chair, put the chair in front of you, you still got the conference room there, and decide that you want to stand and talk about what you're passionate about. Why are you talking passionately about something sitting down? And it's how we orchestrate that. The use of the hands to explain, to inv. Develop, to demark. That we're talking about one thing, and that we have studied it carefully, dynamically, and that we have made a decision of how we're going to proceed. Just those gestures potentiate the message. Can you imagine if I had just said that with my hands on my lap, it would lose its meaning. And yet we know that that when you use gestures and you combine it with, for instance, a certain cadence of speech that people just can't stop but listening to you, and that's a great way to reveal your commitment to what you're saying.

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