Queen Bee Negotiation Strategies with Beate Chelette

Hello, my friends, and welcome to another exciting episode of Negotiate Anything. This show is produced by the American Negotiation Institute, and with over 5 million downloads and listeners in over 180 countries, listeners just like you have made this the number one negotiation podcast in the world. Hi, my name is Kwame Christian, and I am the founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute here at A&I. We believe that the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. And we are passionate, passionate about providing you with the best content that will help you to make your difficult conversations easier, both at work and at home. Lastly, I want to remind you that we offer consulting and conduct trainings both virtually and in person all around the world. Our focus is in three main areas. First, negotiation and conflict resolution. Second, leadership. And lastly, diversity, equity, and inclusion. Check the link in the description below to learn more about how we could work with you and your team. And now, without further ado, let's jump into the interview.

Beyonce, thanks for joining us today.

I'm so excited to be here, Kwame.

Yes, me too. It's been like, half a year. Our schedules are just way too busy. So I'm glad we're able to make this happen.

Well, and you wrote this fabulous book that, you know, was published that everybody needs to read, so, yeah, I mean, you had a great excuse.

Thank you.

I appreciate it. I appreciate it. So let's start off by telling the.

Listeners a little bit about yourself and what you do.

Yeah. So my name is Beate Shalet. I am the growth architect, and I work with visionaries and leaders to help them scale their impact and grow their authority and what that really means. Being a growth architect, I like all the things that a lot of people really hate. Strategies, systems, blueprints, workflows, and setting it up. This is like my zone of genius. And I'm able to, you know, really help my clients or people that want to scale up rapidly to figure out what the right model is and what the right elements are and the pieces so we can put it together so it can happen quickly.

This is great. And listeners, one of the things you'll realize about my friends is sometimes they are humble to a fault. So, Beate, let the listeners know again about your book and your podcast and also the really cool opportunity on your website about the quiz and the masterclass.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, my friend. So my claim to fame really is that I built and sold a business to Bill Gates and I got myself out of $135,000 in debt and then ended up in a multimillion dollar deal. And then I took these pieces that I have learned and I built this growth architecture system around it, which is what I teach now. So for all of you who want to find out what that is, there are a couple things that you can check out if they are right for you. So number one, I have a paper that I wrote, and it is the three essential framework elements to grow your authority, which is really for everybody who wants to figure out, how do I become an expert in my industry? And I'll take you through those three elements and you find that at successblueprint Biz. And if you are a business owner and you're here because you know you really need to grow rapidly and you can't figure out what is in your way, what is blocking you, you can take our quiz and the quiz will answer the question, what is your number one business growth blocker? And you find the quiz@growthblockerquiz.com perfect.

Thank you very much.

And listeners, we will put links in the description for all of those types of things. And yes, this is the kind of podcast listener, the podcast guest I want to have on somebody who says, oh, by the way, I sold a business to Bill Gates.

That's the quality of guests we like to have.

And so, Beate, one of the things that you mentioned a lot was the topic of authority and just how important it is. Because when you think about in persuasion, in negotiation, conflict resolution, your authority, your credibility, that's going to have a major impact on how credible you are and how persuasive you are, too. So if you make one statement that is factually correct, but people don't see you as an authority, but you make the exact same statement and people see you as an authority, there's a huge discrepancy in how persuasive that is. So before we get into how we build that authority and credibility, let's talk about what authority means to you.

Oh, my gosh. This is like the favorite question ever. So authority is not Instagram famous. It is not you taking a video of your cat, no matter how cute it is, and then trying to go viral with that and then somehow hoping that that's going to get you a viral authority on the subject of your cat riding your motorcycle. Okay, so that is not authority. That is a viral moment. Authority in our world is becoming the expert in your industry having that kind of authority. And this is the first thing that goes wrong in almost every area of people who look for authority or building thought leadership or building their expert status is they get pulled into that delusion that social media somehow has a magic formula that then you become X, Y and Z. So the real hard truth in this is if you're talking head like we are now, talking heads, we're teaching, we're coaches, consultants, experts, very few talking heads becoming authority via these types of social media pieces. So you use authority as a deliberate and conscious way to find the people who need what you solve, the problem you solve. And that is how you build your authority and look at it like a spiral staircase going up. You start with a couple and then you add more and more and more and more as you keep going up further. So authority means being an expert in your industry with deliberate strategies to get you there.

This is great. And I love the fact that you took the time to distinguish what true authority is compared to what the viral moment is, because I think this is really important because a lot of times when you are. When people are growing in an industry, they're thinking, oh, let me go on LinkedIn, wow, there's a post that has 3,000 views of like 3,000 impressions or whatever it happens to be, and they say, well, I wish I could get like that. If I. If I could get that, then I could be seen as an authority. But first of all, it's. That's incredibly difficult to replicate.

I've tried.

I haven't had that, that major viral moment. And so you can't put your strategy on base, your strategy on the outlier. That's the first thing. And then the other thing that's really encouraging about this is that we can actually create a methodology and use essentially a work ethic of consistent showing up consistently to demonstrate our authority. And so it's actually more doable, but it might take more hard work.

So I have a great example for you. I had a moment on LinkedIn that did go viral and it had over 1.3 million views and, like, hundreds of thousands of comments. And the topic of that post was LinkedIn is not a dating website. So for those of you who can see Kwame, he's laughing hysterically, he's trying to contain himself here in the background. But to make that point is it was like one too many times that somebody, you know, went in my inbox with, like, hello, beautiful. And, you know, and I just said, you know, publicly on my feet, LinkedIn is not a dating website. Can you please show up professional here? And it just went nuts from, let's face it, you're not so hot to. You should be Glad somebody gives you any attention to. Oh, my gosh, this is outrageous. That was my viral moment on LinkedIn of which, as you can imagine, did zero to grow my business.

Wow. So many different. So many different avenues to explore there.

But I'm going to stay focused.

I'm going to stay focused because it's a great example, right? Because you had that viral moment, got a lot of attention. Doesn't move the needle on the business side. Right. It evoked a lot of emotion and everything like that, but it didn't move the needle. And I think that's. That's really important because you didn't plan.

For that to go viral, and I.

Didn'T plan to block, like, 3,000 crazy men that, you know, that did feel compelled to tell women that they're really, you know, what they should be thinking. So. But, you know, to really stay with the topic, I want you, your listener, Kwame, to really think about that here for a second. Because a lot of these, like, social media gimmicks, or let me teach you how to go viral, are based on these emotional responses. You know, we call them in the industry clickbaits. I see this now a lot on Facebook where there is, you know, find a good man and then teach him how to be an even better man, which is complete clickbait, right? I mean, you immediately want to sit down and answer that and go like, are you crazy? Well, and then you realize, oh, it's a clickbait. It's a clickbait post. So unless you have a business that teaches men and women to come along and you artificially want to create the controversy, this does absolutely nothing for you. So I rather have you attract those 50 people and making the right impression on 50 people so you can convert them into paying clients or into advocates or if you work in an organization as champions, because you are at the right place, saying the right thing, helping people, supporting other people. I call this kind of like the octopus strategy in an organization where your arms are everywhere, so everybody knows about you, or across different functions and business units so that when a position becomes available, they'll know about you. But that's not viral. That's deliberate.

Does your company invest in professional development training? If you believe that your team would benefit from a negotiation workshop, all you need to do is go to our website, fill out the workshop request form, and then we'll set up a time to chat. These workshops are completely customizable, and we've done them all around the country. Negotiation and conflict resolution skills are beneficial across all Professions, but they're especially useful in procurement, purchasing, sales, sourcing, and contract management. Our calendar is filling up quickly and we even have some workshops scheduled for next year if you think you might want one. I'd suggest reaching out soon so you don't miss out. Check out the link in the description.

To learn more and we will be.

Right back after this.

Absolutely. So we've done a good job of describing what authority does not look like. What would you say is the framework for actually building your authority?

Yeah, so the framework for building your authority, number one, is for you to get clear where it is that you want to go. So authority is determined by how much leadership do you want to assume or take? So there's this famous example by Muhammad Ali who said he was the greatest boxer of all times. And then everybody started to call him the greatest boxer of all times, but nobody gave him the title. He gave himself the title. So you give yourself the title the greatest leader of all times, because you give yourself the title. But you want to be clear what that is. Sometimes what we see is that people want leadership and they don't define it and then they get a type of leadership or authority that is really not congruent with their personality style. So another example here, if you are terrified of public speaking, please don't try to be a TEDx or TED speaker. Go on stage and then do so well that everybody wants a piece of you. And every time you go on stage you break out in hives and you can sleep for the next three days. Then a podcast authority strategy might be better for you because it's one on one, it's comfortable, it's overseeable. So your authority first is an image in your head as who am I, what do I want to be? And how much of myself am I willing to give and put out there?

Oh, this is very good. And the word that comes to mind for me is authenticity because a lot of times we almost feel obligated to be a specific type of professional. So, for example, me, my base is law, practicing lawyer, business, law, that type of thing. There's an expectation for how you carry yourself and things like that. I felt like it was a little bit too much in a box. I wanted to expand and approach my career in a different type of way. And also when you think about thought leadership as well, people say, well, how do you become a thought leader? Well, you have to write articles, write articles, write articles, things like that. I heard that so many times and I tried, and this is going to sound weird, but you are an author, too, so I bet you can empathize with this. I don't like writing. I don't enjoy it, and I couldn't do it.

It's not native. No, it may not be native to you. Speaking is bingo.

So I knew I could do a podcast consistently. So I'm still getting myself out there in a fashion that reaffirms my thought leadership, but it's in a way that's authentic to me. So people might say, hey, Kwame, do you want to hop on my podcast? I'll do that versus if I said, hey, let me go this article route, hey, Kwame, do you want a guest.

Blog on my website? No, I don't even want to do that on my own.

So I think the word authenticity has to be blended with our approach to thought leadership and authority.

I think that really is the key piece that I want our audience here really to take away and to pay very close attention to. There is not one particular way to achieve authority or expert status, but there are many different ones. You could be a podcast guest, you could be a podcast host. You could be a speaker, you could be a writer. You could publish a book. You can publish insights papers. You can deliberately put information out on social media. You can do. We have a program called Instant Instagram Authority, where we literally went with my team through all the different strategies that you can use to build authority. We have a LinkedIn executive roundtable strategy that we use to build authority, because why ask for a seat at the table if you can own the table, right? So there are. There are really very clear strategies, and a lot of these that are working right at this very moment. So you just want to be very clear of what is my strategy that works for me and my personality type. Somebody who loves writing. Knock yourself out, right? I mean, Medium Authority magazine, they're always looking for. For content. I mean, the Huff Post entire business model is based on free contributions from people who want to get their message out. So there's plenty of that out there. You just have to find what works for you. At the end of the day, though, for me, personally, I'd rather have you $10,000 than 10,000 likes. But, you know, I'm a business consultant. Just saying.

I think that's a fair point.

Makes so much sense. It makes so much sense. But I think people lose sight of that because we get caught up with the glitz and glamor of the social proof of having that validation from a lot of people. But are they the right people? Is it validation in the right type of way. Are we truly building authority or are we just getting attention for the sake of getting attention? You know, so I think that's really important. And now I want to, I hear listeners, I can hear them from the past here in this podcast. I think some of them are saying, hey, well, what does this have to do with negotiation? And so I want to make sure that we are clearly putting that together because we've talked really clearly and powerfully about how we can build that authority, how we can be seen by other people in our industry as that authority, authority figure, how we get that credibility. Now I want to tie this back to our difficult conversations, our negotiations, how do we weave that into our overall persuasive strategy?

Yes. So it comes with you really getting clear on who you are, which we just covered. So now that you know who you are, what you want, we go into something that I call the unapologetic value proposition. And the unapologetic value proposition says that the first thing you're going to do when you go in a negotiation, you get very clear as to what it is that you're trying to achieve. Right. So that's the first element. What am I trying to achieve here? And you are going to need to figure out what your must haves and your negotiables are. And because you are the expert on this, you are now bringing in, that's element number two, your data and your facts. Because as the authority on the subject, you come in fully prepared because you know what's going on in your industry. And so you say, here's what I want and here's why this matters right now. And here's the data that's supports my point. Then you move to element number three and that element is what's in it for them? Because you have to tell them why what you are asking for is relevant to them. How does this help them to get what they want? And then finally, in element number four, you tell them why you are the right person, person to do this. And that is where the expert and authority status comes in. Because you've been on 50 podcasts, you've been published a hundred times, you have a wide network, you widely quoted on LinkedIn, you are, you know, whatever, whatever that sort of is. So the, it is the opposite of what most people do is they start with the authority and say, you need to listen to me because I am so awesome. That's not how authority negotiation works. It comes at the very end. You first make your case, you cite your numbers, you Tell them what they're getting. And then it's almost like casually, because experts do that that way. You think that Cuban from Shark Tank or anybody from Shark Tank has to prove their value. An expert never has to prove their value. An expert just then very casually says at the very end, when the money's on the table, says, you know what? And you know, you know why you should go with me. You've seen the deals I've been making. That should be really a no brainer. But it's like one sentence, almost like laissez faire at the very end, casually thrown in. That's how you all come.

Oh, this is so good. Beyate. So listen to this. This is, this is great because essentially what you're saying is if you have done a good job of demonstrating your authority and your credibility, you don't need to throw it in somebody's face. I heard a great quote the other day where they said insecurity is always loud. And so the person who is going out of their way to prove I have these degrees, I have these awards and things like that, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's very off putting. And then it also signals, well, you shouldn't have to prove that you're right. If I'm an investor on Shark Tank, I don't need to prove my investment chops. You know it, right? And at the end I can just say, and of course you saw what I did on Shark Tank, right? And so the way that you demonstrate your authority happens before you even enter the negotiation. And really what you're doing is you're not showing them your authority or trying to convince them of, of your authority. You've done that work behind before the negotiation. And what you're doing is casually reminding them of your authority.

Exactly. So it's the same thing that when I go and always to make sure examples are really relevant. So I'm someone who sold a business to Bill Gates. That is a really big deal. That's a really big deal in anybody's book. So I can walk in and I can say, you need to listen to me because I built and sold a business to Bill Gates. What I much rather do is I much rather talk about what I bring to the table for them and then I'll say more toward the end. Oh, and you know, I learned that when I built my business and I had to figure out how to make an equity business out of it. And then no other than Bill Gates came and give me several hundred million dollars for it. So I can tell you it works. What do you say? Are we. Are we in?

Ho ho. And listeners, listen, listen. I want you to see the Jedi mind tricks that are. That are happening here right now.

Because, remember.

Let us rewind the tape. Let's go back to the very beginning, because I asked you to introduce yourself beyond that, and then you did. And then I was like, is there.

Anything else you would like to.

To say?

Oh, by the way, I sold my company to Bill Gates. Incredible.

And that's what I love when. When people come on the show, and then they essentially organically demonstrate the mastery that they talk about through the episode. So this is. This is really incredible.

Yeah, I'm happy to share some of these things. But you are absolutely correct. You said something very, very important, Kwame, and that was that when you're trying really hard to showcase and demonstrate your authority, it's often loud and it's often embarrassing. And so this, you know. You know, as a woman in business, and for those of you who are listening, who are women, I will tell you one thing. I'm going to give you, like, one takeaway you can implement immediately, without fail, somebody will say to a woman that you're so emotional, right? I hear this all the time. No, I'm really not very emotional, nor do I bring that in my work. And when I'm emotional, believe me, you will know that I'm emotional. However, I have to listen to this nonsense all the time. So here's what I want you to do. I literally want you to stop, pause, put your head back, and start laughing. Like, laughing. Laughing like. God, I didn't know that worked. Still, what I was saying is back to the subject at hand, and you just wipe it off the table. You pretend it never happened. You give it no power. You just laugh and move on.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, wait.

Listen to.

Let me explain my laughter. My head was not back in a sarcastic way by.

I was laughing in a genuine this is great type of way, because what you've done really is. They have attacked you, and what you've done is said, that was cute. And now let's get back to business, right? And so you've demonstrated that it was irrelevant, it was juvenile, it was immature, and most importantly, it is beneath me to even address that. Right? Oh, that's so good. And that's such a power move. It changes the entire.

It is a power move. And in negotiation, you know, if I step into that, I give it power. Power already lost.

Yep. Oh, no, we're not just going to pass by that, because that's really important. So I want you to go deeper into what you just said, because I think for a lot of listeners, this is going to be the part of the podcast where they pause it and go back. Because a lot of times when somebody attacks you, when somebody insults you, you get offended, you get defensive, and then you feel obligated to go into that when. Which is exactly what they want you to do. And so what you're demonstrating to people is that, no, you need to demonstrate some restraint and not play that game, even though everything within you wants to attack back. So why is that the right approach, to hold back?

Because as an authority, as an expert, it's so beneath you, it doesn't even warrant a response. And when you wipe it off the table, they look like idiots. You don't. So, you know, this laughing strategy is a straightforward out of the negotiation book strategy. I used it when I was in negotiation for a personal injury lawsuit. I was hit by a car on my bicycle and had a bad neck injury. And then they came in and they said, well, the best they can do is $20,000. And I was sitting there typing on my computer. I put my head back and I just laugh. Like, I literally, like, laughed. It was ridiculous. And I said. And then I stopped and I said no. And I just went back to my computer, ignored the mediator, and just went right back to work. Didn't say anything else, because it was a negotiation tactic, because I knew they were going to do that. And you have to exercise discipline. Because when somebody attacks you and you just said that, Kwame, is that you have the tendency to say, what makes you say that? Or, you idiot. Or how dare you address me like that? You know, why can't I have any respect? It's bait. They're setting a trap for you to make you look bad the minute you justify your behavior or you say, why would you say something like that? Now you're taking the energy from the moment that you had away, and you're giving them the energy. Therefore, you elevating them and you diminishing yourself. So your job in a negotiation is to say, is this relevant to the negotiation? You are a leader. You are the authority. You are in charge. So if somebody tries to disrupt you, you don't even say, don't disrupt me. Because even that, even that would take away. You just give them sort of like a look of complete befuddlement. Like, you know, it's like, why? Why are you even, like, speaking? You know? And you just stop. You look at them you say nothing. And then you go, as I was saying. Right. You take it right back. But you can, in negotiation, ever let your power drop when you are at a critical juncture like that. Now, having said that, I have played blond many times in my negotiations where I walked in and I pretended I was confused, which I'm really not. But you know where I go and I say, oh, that's so interesting. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? And because when you make people feel comfortable and they feel superior over you, they are most likely to slip a piece of information that you can use. And then when it's time, you jump in. And then you said, well, as you said, obviously, you don't have a lot of the stuff that I'm offering and that you really dislike your vendors. So how about we moving now to discussing the contract? Because clearly you have a need for this.

This is so good. This is so good. So let me just summarize really quickly. When it comes to the power that you have in the negotiation, the authority that you have, you actually share that authority with the other person. If you acknowledge the nonsense and the disrespect, and the most powerful thing you can do is ignore them and show that they are not even worthy of your acknowledgement at that moment, you're going to stay focused. And then they are embarrassed and they've been put in their place. And I think a lot of times in negotiation, when we think about relationship building and negotiation and things like that, we don't take the time to acknowledge the fact that our goal in the negotiation isn't to make the other side feel good all the time. Our goal in the negotiation is to accomplish our goals at the table. And then the other thing that you talked about is that sometimes you play dumb. You say, okay, well, I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. Help me to understand that. I'm a little bit lost here. Right? But here's the thing, and I want the listeners to know this because somebody might listen and say, well, doesn't that seem a little bit contradictory? Doesn't that seem as though we're giving away our power? No, because what you're doing is very intentional. You've gone through enough of these negotiations to understand the dynamic and understand what needs to be done at what time. And if the person is not feeling safe, if the person is feeling really aggressive, then they're not going to give you the information you need. So when you need that information, you give them a little bit of that feeling of comfort. That feeling of safety, and then they share too much, and then you take that information, and when it's time to lay down the hammer, that's when you use it against them. Now you're not playing dumb anymore. And so you have to understand which tool to use at what time and in the negotiation in order to be effective.

100%. And I will tell you that one of my mentors, Jeff Burke, he caught me once doing that, and he stood there, he stepped back, he crossed his arms, and he looked at me, and he says, I love it when you do the blonde thing. I just don't buy it for a second. So when you find somebody who knows the strategy, I mean, I didn't. I honestly, I have to admit, I didn't know what to say. And. But. But he says, you know, I love it when you do it, but I don't buy it. You know, there you go. Sometimes you get caught.

That's hilarious. Beyonce. I love this. This was a lot of fun. And I know a lot of listeners are saying, wow, I want to learn from her. I wish she had some kind of podcast, maybe a book, or maybe some kind of coaching or course that I could invest in. If somebody were asking those questions, what would you say to them?

Yes. So I have a book, it's called Happy Woman, Happy World, and you find that on Amazon and is available as a printed book and ebook and as an audiobook. I do have a podcast called the Business Growth Architect show, which is all about strategies, all kinds of strategies. You know, you have been a guest on my show, and we had a. We had a great time doing that. And don't be a stranger. Reach out to me anywhere on social media. Say hello. Let me know what you taken away from this. And while we at this, please, I urge you to go to Kwame's podcast right now and give him five stars and write a review with one specific takeaway and share it with one other person that you feel needs to hear this particular episode because it is a labor of love. It is a labor of helping other people. And he loves it. And he loves it even more if you love him a little bit back.

Oh, I love it. This is great. Beate, I really appreciate you coming on.

Thanks for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me.

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