The 100% Formula: Transforming Interactions into Wins with Jewel Love

Hello, my friend, and welcome to another exciting episode of Negotiate Anything. Thanks for joining us today. With over 10 million downloads and listeners from more than 180 different countries, it's dedicated listeners just like you who have made Negotiate Anything the number one negotiation podcast in the world. I'm your host, Kwame Christian. I'm a business lawyer, mediator, author, and the proud CEO of of the American Negotiation Institute. Now, before we get into today's insightful conversation, I have a golden opportunity for those of you who recognize the power of negotiation in your professional lives. Have you ever found yourself wishing that you could navigate those high stakes conversations with more confidence? Or perhaps you're looking to empower your team with the art of persuasion and conflict resolution? At the American Negotiation Institute, we've crafted specialized keynotes and workshops tailored for those very needs. We've transformed the negotiation skills of professionals worldwide and we're eager to do the same for you. We believe the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. And our goal is to help you improve your lives and the lives of those around you, one difficult conversation at a time. Don't let another challenging conversation leave you second guessing. Click the link in the description to discover how we can help you find confidence in conflict, negotiate better deals, and have stronger relationships. Because in the world of business, every conversation counts. And now, without further ado, let's jump into the interview. Hey, listeners, welcome to our private convo. It's me and Jewel. Jewel, welcome to the show. How about you start off by telling the listeners about yourself and what you do?

Absolutely. So I'm originally from California, San Francisco Bay Area specifically, and grew up very multicultural environment, good upbringing. Ended up going to UC Santa Barbara for college, majored in black studies, went to Antioch University, got my master's in clinical psychology, did my 3,000 hours, quite a few, quite a long time there, and then got my license to do therapy in the state of California. So psychotherapy. And I started this organization called Black Executive Men. We focus on black men in corporate America. I looked around, if you will, the black community and said, who am I going to work with? I knew I was going to work with brothers, but I didn't know the kind of segment and sector and there's a lot of diversity. So started out working with kids and then teens and then brothers, getting fresh out of prison, blue collar and this, that and the third. And I didn't really discover it was just newer for me. There was a brother who came in Harvard Business School grad, suited and booted 2 parent, family, grew up in San Francisco, just on point. Impact driven, earning good money. I'm like, who is this guy? And just had it together. And I started learning more and more about black men in corporate America, specifically the United States. And I was just blown away by, number one, how much these guys are earning. Impact driven, family focused, morally upright, just all the right things. And I was just blown away. And that's when I actually found the name for black executive men. Was doing that for six years. About two years ago, pivoted to coaching, and now actually pivoting from doing one on coaching to a membership network where guys come in and get different services and things like that. So just a bit of background on me, my passion and my life's work.

Man, I love it. I appreciate it. It's so important. It's. It's very, very important. And listeners, we. I know we have a very diverse audience from people from around the world. And so I don't want the. The focus of this niche to make you think that this episode isn't for you either. Because the thing is, we have these foundational skills that everybody can use. And if you can find a way to take the gems from Juul in this episode, you can find ways to apply it in your own life. And for people who want to be allies as well, it can help you to understand other people's perspectives and lived experiences so you can connect at a higher level. So, Jewel, I think a great place for us to start is focusing, just starting with your foundational approach, with your four pillars. And then we can talk about how negotiation and conflict resolution skills really amplify what it is that we need to do to be successful in the professional world.

Absolutely. And I just want to follow up these skill sets and mindsets. We could be talking to anybody here today. It's just in the world of business, at times we choose a niche, specialized and focused. But absolutely, these are going to be applicable for anybody in any background. So I hope you all find some value in this. In really working with over 500 black men, different levels of seniority over the past eight years, and doing workshops. Google and Microsoft and Nvidia and Capital One and Medtronic and all these organizations. I made it a study like if some were getting their PhD, this is how much I focused on what are the skill sets that help people advance, let's say toward the C suite just in their careers, as opposed to others that really hold them back and came up with these four pillars. And these are some things I'm talking about in my upcoming book as well, but we're going to go over them here now. So the first one is the hundred percent formula. Simply put, it's just giving it a hundred percent at whatever it is that you're doing. This is key number two. It's your internal marketing campaign. This is what I would say the hidden rules of success in the workplace. These are things we often don't get taught in college or grad school, but these are the things that people are doing behind the scenes to get promotions. It's your internal marketing campaign, letting the right people in the organization know not just what you're doing, that is activity, but the value that it brings to the organization. Key number three is your professional development. Many times folks are maybe not so focused on that, just thinking, hey, I know what I need to do to get the job done, that's sufficient. But when we talk about the hidden rules of success in moving ahead, making sure that you are ideally one of the best in your company, if not the world at what you do is going to be tremendously helpful for you. And much of that comes through personal, excuse me, professional development, not only what your company provides. Many times people do those activities. They go to the annual conference and they think, you know what, I've done it. But folks, there's a whole world out there. There's whole conferences, associations, different networking groups where you can learn the best practices from your industry, sector level, seniority, your role. Bring that back to your company and advance. And the last thing is networking. And even though it sounds simple and it's number four in this list, it quite possibly is number one in terms of importance when it comes to building out your career, not just at your current role, but the overall arc. So we're talking about your job, but we're also talking about your investments, your impact, your personal brand, things of this nature. Networking is typically what opens those doors for access, for incredible opportunities that may be closed if you didn't have those connections. So of course I'm happy to go into detail, but I just wanted to give you all that overview of what those four pillars are.

I love it. This is great. This is great. I think we should just take it from the top. The 100% formula, giving it your all. Because let's channel the voices of a skeptical listener. They say, well, jewel, of course, isn't that a truism? Shouldn't we always be giving our all? So what is it that people often miss or misunderstand when it comes to the 100% rule?

So when we talk about the 100% formula, this is really an, it's really like an introductory rule. And many people, like you said, might be thinking, well, either how important is this? Or you know what, I'm already doing this. And I thought the same in my own career before I started working with coaches. But I'll give you an example. There was a client that I was working with who was doing good, incredibly intelligent guy, very motivated, and he brought this example to me. He says, you know what, I'm trying to get a promotion, I'm trying to get the raise, but they're not really looking at me in that way. So we start to dissect, well, how are you showing up? Let's look at your performance, let's look at your presence. So let's talk about a few different scenarios. Let's talk about meetings. How's it going for you there? And he says, oh, well, let me tell you about meetings. When they happen, other people are sharing their opinions and insights and I'm not sharing so much. And so I say, okay, well, an easy solution might be, well, you just should share your insights and just solve that. But as a coach, I wanted to dissect the situation and find out really what's going on here. I said, well, how is it that they're sharing and you're not sharing? What is it that they know or they're doing that you don't know and are unable to do because of it? And he says, well, we actually get some notes that come to us before the meeting takes place and it's about what we're going to be talking about at the meeting. Now, I already know exactly where we're going at this point. I say, okay, got it. And do you read those notes? And he says, well, yeah, I do read them. Okay, when do you read them? He said, well, during the meeting. I said, okay, okay. I love that you're reading. This is great because, you know, I just gotta land this plane with him. And I say, because you're reading it during the meeting, not before the meeting. Is that taking away from you being able to prep at all in order to have an opinion, have some insight during the meeting? He says, absolutely. Okay, no problem. Homework is to read those notes before the meeting next time so you can prepare, have something insightful to say. They can see you as a high value contributor leading to you getting ideally a promotion and a raise. How does that sound? He says, sounds great. He does it. They love it. He's finally contributing and they're starting to look at him in a positive way. This is over the course of the next two or three weeks. So even though he thought he was doing 100%, we were able to find out that there were areas that he was actually. And I know this may sting a little bit, but we're just going to kind of look at it from just a purely coaching lens. Was underperforming. Not even compared to other people per se, just compared to what he could bring to his role and to the perception of him, which is key in his business. So that's an example of the 100% formula. It's a very simple concept, but. But when we put it into action, we can uncover all of these potential blind spots where we can actually do.

More hello my friends. Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations? At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands on training for your team, we've got you covered. Don't just negotiate. Master the art with the American Negotiation Institute. Click the link in the description to find out more. Elevate, negotiate and succeed. Oh, this is great. I love this for several reasons. First of all, listeners, I want to make sure that you recognize this point. Jule just gave us a masterclass in coaching because what you said, Jewel, as you were going through that scenario with him, you were asking questions. You weren't telling him what to do. You were asking questions. And then you started to recognize a pattern and you knew, hey, I have a hypothesis. I assume I understand where this is going, but you didn't jump in at that point and say, I know this is where this is going. This is what you would have done and this is what you should do. You still kept on asking questions, leading him to this conclusion and showing him the respect of allowing him to tell his story, not you tell his story to him for him. And then you got him to that point where he came to the conclusion himself because of the incredible coaching questions that you ask. So I think this is something important that us as everyday negotiators should keep in mind. And then when you think about the 100% rule, when you think about negotiation, the definition we like to use on negotiate anything is anytime you're having a conversation and somebody in the conversation Wants something. And so you're recognizing there's like a negotiation aspect to almost every interaction that we're having in the corporate space. And so the question is, how much are we putting into these meetings? Are we putting 100% into these meetings? How much are we putting into every single conversation? Are we taking the time to prepare for these individual conversations? And you're recognizing how this flows really organically into the other pillars, like the internal marketing campaign. You are your own major marketer and we're missing out on these marketing opportunities by not taking advantage of these everyday negotiations.

Yeah. And I mean, beautiful segue into the internal marketing campaign. And when I think about internal, I think about your organization that you're at. It's what I want you all to keep in mind. Marketing, highlighting, value, campaign being ongoing and even being here, down here in Mexico and Guadalajara. And I'm able to look out over the city from where we're at. And one of the things that I see Here is the McDonald's golden arches. Now, I can see a lot of the city from where I'm at. And yet that's probably two of the signs that are recognizable from just miles away. And what I like about that is they're always letting you know, there they are, come get a hamburger, come get a Happy Meal or whatever it is that you might want to buy from there. Even when the store is closed, they're marketing, here we are. Come do business with us. Now, many of us have gotten the message that, that the best way to go about our jobs is put our head down and get the work done. And that will be rewarded, that people will see it, they will notice it, and we will get rewarded. Now, sometimes that happens. But what you may not know is that there are some hidden rules to success and that your colleagues, other people, whether they learned it from family or a book or school or wherever, are actually communicating with. And these are the folks I want you all to keep in mind, their executive sponsor, get into that in just a moment. But the person at the organization, senior leadership, that's opening the door for their promotion, different from a mentor at their company. But that's the second group of people that they're communicating with. Their mentors, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in the company, most times at a more senior level of seniority and leadership. And they're communicating with them, with the activity is that they're doing and the value that they bring. And the last piece is their manager or skip level manager. Now, there's two pieces of information that they're communicating, number one is the activity that they're doing. Went to the meeting, signed the deal, spoke with a subordinate about this, that and the third. But the second piece is actually most important. It's the value. And just about everything we do in the world of business can be converted into some number, some level, some percentage, some way. It's impacted the bottom line of the organization, the market share in the organization. And for folks that are, you know, probably a little more higher up, potentially even the stock price, depending on what kind of activity that you're doing, communicating this value to your executive sponsor, your mentors, and your manager. Skip level manager. Typically, I like to say weekly for your manager, monthly for your mentors, and quarterly for your executive sponsor. It creates an ongoing narrative of activity and success in their minds, which is key when it comes down to new projects, promotions. Who are they going to elevate? Now you might be thinking, well, these people might be micromanaging me, or they might be great and just kind of let me go do my thing. But they're aware of the activity and value. And the reality is these are busy people. They have a lot going on in their lives. And although you may talk to them with some regularity, you may not probably or not their number one focus. So I like to share with my clients, that's a part of your job, is to make sure they know what you're doing in written format, by the way, in an email, something like that. And they know the value that your activity brings to the organization. So that's, that's pillar number two, your internal marketing campaign. And this can be a game changer from going from doing the work well and then to getting the rewards of doing that work.

Oh, this is powerful. This is powerful. This is a masterclass, because let's just think about this in a very simple way. So if we're thinking about opportunities to advance within a company, let's just think about it in a yes or no question. Do you deserve to have a raise? Do you deserve to advance at the company? Yes or no. And if we're not getting that, that means that either actively or passively, the response from leadership was no. And so we ask ourselves, is that the truth? Now here's what I love about this. One of my buddies gave me a great definition for truth. Truth is nothing but the narratives we choose to believe. And what you talked about with this ongoing marketing campaign is that it is a narrative of activity and success. Another word that you mentioned before was perception. So if we are not telling this story if we are not intentional about creating this narrative of success and continuing to tell our story of success, then nobody's going to believe it. So what's true to them, to the person who cannot perceive your narrative of success? What's true is you don't deserve the opportunity. You don't deserve the race, the raise. But what's true to you is, like, you see all your work, but the question is, did you communicate that, and did we communicate that persuasively? And so, again, I love the fact that you are. This is empowering because you're giving the responsibility to the person who has the story, who's living the experience. It's your responsibility to tell the story. So if you're not getting the outcomes that you want, then you need to become a better storyteller and become more consistent with that narrative.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, there's so many levers of power that we actually have control over, especially employees. I mean, we could talk about entrepreneurs as well. It definitely exists there as well. But this is mainly for the W2 side of the equation. 100%.

Absolutely. And I think one of the most powerfully persuasive tools that we have at our disposal that is often underutilized is just consistency and persistence. When you think about sales, it requires a certain amount of touches in order to be persuasive. But just being. Sticking to that narrative and being consistent and recognizing that it might sound like, redundant to you, but other people forget they're busy. So keep that narrative going. Let's pause real quick. You can. You can plug in. No worries.

Ready to rock.

Perfect. And by the way, it was Funny Man. While you were gone, I saw a message from my editor, my producer here. He's like, I want to get more episodes on networking. I was like, oh, this is perfect. So I think we touched on personal professional development at the beginning. So I think we're good there. If we can transition into the networking portion, that would be good. I'm excited about that one. All right. And so now with the time that we have left, because, Jewel, we could just keep on talking about this. I'm really loving the conversation, but I want to focus on networking because, again, networking is one of those terms that we've heard throughout our careers, and it's become utilized almost to the point of meaninglessness. I know with your approach, there's so much nuance to this, so I want to give you an opportunity to talk about how we can utilize networking more strategically in the corporate space in order to get the results that we want.

Yeah, absolutely. So many times I don't know if you all have had this experience. You go to, let's say, a networking event and maybe some people are buying a whiskey or other people, they're laughing, you get slaps on the backs and people that kind of know each other, some people are brand new, this, that and third and back in the day, I don't know how much quite it is now, but handing out business card and just end up with a stack and you don't really know what to do with that stack of cards that you have. So you may reach out to everybody on LinkedIn or wherever and just follow up, hey, great to meet you. And it just doesn't go anywhere. And it kind of begs this question of, you know, what really was the point of me going to that event? I met some good people and maybe made some new friends and maybe colleagues were there, but how did I really get the most out of it? So the key thing to think about is having a goal for your career. And this is something that many of us don't think about. We just, you know, we go to school, we go to undergrad, we go to grad school, we think I'm going to get a good job, this sounds like a good profession, career. And we just do it and we're just going about it and we have our family life and health stuff and hobbies and all these other activities. But really thinking of when I am 40, when I am 50, when I am 60, this is where I want to be. This would be the pinnacle of my career, let's say being a CEO or being a VP or being an entrepreneur, something like that, being a coach, you name it. And this is how much I want to be making the money doing it. I want to be an investor, I want to go into the VC world, the private equity side of the equation. What is your goal? Do not leave this to your boss, do not leave this to somebody else or Tony Rob and shout out, I love Tony Robb and everything that he's doing. But this is your decision and you get to make it and you're empowered to do so. Your mind is incredibly powerful. That's the first thing to decide. What is your goal career wise? Where do you want to end up? So not where you're at right now, not even necessarily your next job or the job after that or your next raise and the raise after that. What is your ultimate goal? Once you have all that, you can wrap around the 100% formula, you can wrap around the internal Marketing campaign, and now networking, especially professional development. But for networking, you can wrap around who do you need to meet? We're just going to be very direct and who's not important. This isn't about the importance of another human being as far as just a humanitarian standpoint. This is your goal, specifically that who is important for you to know and have a professional relationship with that can open doors, coach you, mentor you, provide you with insight on how to get to that goal. So now when you walk into a room, there's going to be people that you really want to meet and other people it's nice to meet, but it's not your focal point. Remember, be friendly, be nice, be cordial, but you're there for business. You're there, you know, in business pretty much trying to make a profit through the services and products that we deliver. And you have one to deliver to an organization or to a market. So this is being very strategic about who you're going to be networking with. That can then open doors for you to get there quicker or to get there at all. And I'll even give you an example, you know, of how this works. So in my own business here at Black Executive Man, I'm constantly learning about new topics. And these days it's around like, private equity and the VC equation and hedge funds and like, what's going on with that, people that are having an impact in that way, working with founders, things of this nature. So I start writing about it on LinkedIn. If you all aren't. I know pretty much everyone is on LinkedIn, but if you're not, it's a phenomenal place to build your network and to meet new people that can open doors for you. So I start publishing about that or writing about this on LinkedIn.

Got it.

However the algorithm works, people that are in the VC and private equity world, they start to see it. And I can see my profile views that they're checking out my account. That's my goal. It's very strategic. And from there, I hop on, you know, I ask, you know, can I hop on your calendar? 15 minutes. Just learn more about this topic and your experience there. Many people are happy to help hop on their calendar. These are people you know, Harvard, MBAs, MIT, Yale, you name it. Oxford, you name it. The next thing I know, I don't know these people at all. Next thing I know, I'm on a conversation with them and I'm just talking to them, picking their brain, learning from the inside. What does it take to run $100 million fund folks, my background is in psychotherapy. I've never been to business school. It's important, but secondary because networking can open up doors to rooms that you normally would not have access to people that are willing to bring you in. And that is the power of networking. Now, with that information, I get to bring that back to my community. I get to build out my own career, see if there's a future for me in that space or not. But all the access to whatever industry level, seniority, it's all there for you. But the key is to decide what you want to do. Then you can put your networking strategy to use to get there.

And with this, what you said here, Joel, of my favorite word was strategy and strategic because everything you said was so intentional. And I see this in negotiation all the time too. You might have somebody who has incredible skills and great tactics, but if they don't have an overall strategy or a clear goal, negotiate effectively in the negotiation, get exactly what they want. And it could be not only unhelpful, but maybe harmful because they didn't think about the direction that they actually want to go outside of the negotiation. And so what we're moving from here is just tactical thinking to strategic thinking. Because if any of the listeners are like me, as you were talking about the networking, I realized sometimes the problem is that you're just in the wrong rooms. It's not that the networking doesn't work or you've had the conversation the wrong way. You were just networking in the wrong space with the wrong people because it wasn't strategic. You were just thinking tactically. You're saying a tactic for my career is networking. Here's a random networking event. Here I am. And so if we start to think more strategically about it now, we can piece this together in a way that actually takes us to where we want to go.

Absolutely. I mean, if your goal is to get to the C suite and you're hanging around product managers, program managers, I mean, that's good to have your kind of level of seniority cohort. But what if there's programs that can help you to become a C suite leader? You should probably should be networking in those circles or there's an opportunity at your organization to get mentored by somebody that's a VP or an svp. You definitely want to take advantage of these opportunities and probably start networking less on how to advance your skills as a product manager, program manager, very important. But if you have your goal in mind, you can kind of met out what opportunities you should be taking advantage of. To help you get there quicker and if at all. Because sometimes people have a goal, but they don't do the activities in order to get there, and they fall short. Networking is one of the best ways to get there. And just. Can I add one more piece of the puzzle here?

Absolutely.

So the corporate world, it's kind of like a club. I don't know. You could think of it like this. Go back to maybe third grade, and there's the treehouse clubhouse, and you got your buddies, and they're in there. And then there might be another kid who.

I don't know.

You don't really know that well. And there's a question of, does he belong or not, or should we let him in or not? And whether that's nice or not is secondary to just the way of the world of business. If your goal is to get into that clubhouse, and that is in many ways how the business world works. It's a club, different businesses, higher levels of seniority, certain circles, it works like that. It's a club. And networking and networking well can open those doors for you to enter into conversations and deals and opportunities that would not be on the table for you. You just would not even know about them if you were not in that circle. So that's why I say, even though it's number four, frankly, you could be mediocre in a fantastic circle and have more opportunities coming to you than being phenomenal at a circle with limited opportunities. In terms of results, brilliant.

You're spot on, man. And especially when you think about this as it relates to marginalized communities, you might be racial minority, gender minority, whatever it happens to be in that space, you recognize, a lot of times we focus on the bias. We focus on the bad. Oh, this is working against me. But now we're recognizing that through the power of networking and through the power of negotiation, now we start to generate positive momentum and generate those biases in our favor. When you break it down, trust is just a positive bias. If we think about bias as a subconscious preference toward something or a subconscious prejudice against something, bias should be an integral part of our strategy, no matter who we are, because there's no such thing as neutrality. Understanding that psychologically, let's just say. All right, cool. So an integral part of my professional strategy should be to get as much positive bias ethically as I can moving in my favor. So like you said, this is more important than the skills. Because there are so many times where people look at somebody on the news, somebody's getting an award, and then you Say that person is objectively bad at what they do. How in the world are they so successful? And then we say, oh, it's biases, prejudice, whatever. It happens to be okay. How do you get that working for yourself? You network, you create these connections, you put yourself in these rooms, people become familiar with you. They start to know, like and trust you. And now when these opportunities come, now they come your way because you're on their radar and they like you. And so when you're recognizing this, you say, oh, now this is how I can blend psychology with negotiation skills with networking as well. Because now you can use those negotiation skills to ask questions in a nuanced way to make people feel safe, gather information, and you can use that information to find new opportunities. So all of this comes together.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I just love the negotiation take on it. How everything can be seen through the lens of negotiation, like all of these different pieces and just how it constantly plays a part. And even in all of this as well, there's ways to. And this is definitely not where. I'm definitely not an expert in this realm, but to negotiate to get more out of it or come up with less in the deal, these are all many deals that are happening. That's just why I think what you're talking about is so important here. And just going to add a side note, I just love studying your material that you put out and applying it to my own life in different ways and tweaking what I'm doing as well. So thank you for this.

Hey, man, my pleasure. This was great. I appreciate this. The work you do is so important, so keep it up. And I want to make sure that you have an opportunity to remind the listeners about you, your company, and your upcoming book and how they can get in touch with you.

Yeah, absolutely. So the best way to get in touch with me, I'd say probably just reach out to me on LinkedIn. My name is Jewel Love. J E W E L L O V E. You can also head to blackexecutivemen.com that's our website. It's spelled exactly how it sounds. You can learn more about the community there that we're building, and if it speaks to you, go ahead and apply on that website. And as far as the book Born, the Executive Blueprint for Black Men in Corporate America, that's due to come out in July. So just I'd say check my LinkedIn page for that because I'm going to be advertising it and celebrating it left and right there.

Awesome, man. Hey, we appreciate you, and thank you again for coming on the show. This was a masterclass.

Thank you.

Congratulations. You've just joined an elite club by listening to a full episode. You're now officially on the Negotiate Anything team. So welcome aboard. What most team members do is they subscribe to the podcast because that allows them to automatically get the latest episodes of the show. The best things in life lie on the other side of difficult conversations. Keep learning, keep practicing, and keep getting better. Your relationships will improve, your career will soar, and you'll have the confidence you need to get the most out of these crucial conversations. Again, thank you for joining the team. We're excited to have you, and I will see you in the next episode. I'll catch you later.