When to Walk Away: Mastering the Art of Graceful Departures in Negotiations - LinkedIn Live Event with Kwame Christian

Hello, my friend, and welcome to another exciting episode of Negotiate Anything Live. In this special segment, we're sharing one of our LinkedIn Live events where listeners like you can join the conversation and shape the episode with your comments and questions. We've put a link to the event in the description of today's episode, but make sure to follow me on LinkedIn so you can join the conversation next time. I'm really glad you're with us today. We with over 10 million downloads and listeners from more than 180 different countries, it's dedicated listeners just like you who have made Negotiate Anything the number one negotiation podcast in the world. I'm your host, Kwame Christian. I'm a business lawyer, mediator, author, and the proud CEO of the American Negotiation Institute. Now, before we dive into today's episode, I have a golden opportunity for those of you who recognize the power of negotiation in your professional lives. At the American Negotiation Institute, we've crafted specialized keynotes and workshops tailored for those very needs. We've transformed the negotiation skills of professionals worldwide and we're eager to do the same for you. We believe the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. And our goal is to help you improve your lives and the lives of those around you one difficult conversation at a time. Don't let another challenging conversation leave you second guessing. Click the link in the description to discover how we can help you find confidence in conflict, negotiate better deals, and have stronger relationships. Because in the world of business, every conversation counts. And now, without further ado, let's jump into the interview. Hello everybody and welcome to our Live. And if this is your first time joining a LinkedIn Live, welcome. For those of you who have been here before, welcome. Welcome back. You know how it goes. We always start these, these LinkedIn lives off with Kwame being terrified of whether or not the technology is working. So show me some love in the comments. Just let me know you're there, let me know this is working. And then once we we get a little bit of activity going in the comments, then we will get started. So just let people know maybe where you're coming in from, say hello, what's up, those type of things and then we'll get into it. So I was really excited when I saw how many people registered. Tells me that we're hitting on an important topic. Elijah, number one. Thank you. Thank you. Good to see you there. So good we're starting off hot, literally because we have fire emojis. Whitney. Whitney, Christian. Hello. I like your last name. Maybe I should marry you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good. We have Ohio, we have Alabama, we have the SEC and Big Ten representing D.C. from with Lisa. Awesome. Hey. Hey. Elizabeth from Portland, Oregon. I was in Oregon in May. In May, I was in Corvallis. Usually I'm in Portland, but. But, but, yeah. So it was nice to see another part of Oregon, Dallas, Texas, represented. This is awesome. This is awesome. All right, great. So we got some activity. The. The. The LinkedIn Live is working. So everybody, I'm going to pack it up. We're going to start it off with start and end with a wind. The technology is working, and we are out of here. No, I'm just kidding. All right, so let's go ahead and get started. Welcome to our LinkedIn Live. If you're on YouTube, welcome to our YouTube video. If you're listening to the Negotiate Anything podcast, we're welcome to our podcast episode. It's good to have all of you here. Today we're going to talk about when to walk away from a deal, a relationship, those type of things. And just based on the activity we got in the comments of the. Of the post and how many people registered, we were clearly hitting on a topic that's really important because whenever we're negotiating, we're always focused on how can I make the deal? What can I do to get this across the finish line? But not all deals are meant to be made, and that's a really tough thing. And a lot of times when it comes to that point, we're not sure exactly how to handle it. It becomes really awkward, you know, so how do we end a negotiation that didn't culminate in a deal? So that's what we're going to do today. So we're going to keep our typical format. I'm going to drop three tips, and then we're going to open it up to the audience, which is you, and you ask me any questions. So for those of you who are watching the replay, this is just a reminder. Join us live next time. Come in, join the conversation. It's lots of fun. All right, so. All right, so we're going to start off with point number one. And this comes down to mindset, as it often does. So, like I said, a lot of times we go into these negotiations and we're saying to ourselves, I need to get this deal done. I need to get this deal done. But one thing I love to say is, is negotiation isn't the art of deal making. Negotiation is the art of deal discovery. So if you think about negotiation as the art of deal making. It can put some inappropriate pressure on you to try to force a deal across the finish line that never should have been made. And so sometimes you can find yourself in a negotiation and you recognize it's not really going where you wanted it to go. And then you have to start to think to yourself, all right, no, I need to get this deal. I need to get this deal. What can I do to get this across the finish line? How much do I need this thing? Maybe I should concede. Maybe I should make a concession. Maybe I should give something up. And it wasn't something that you planned to give before, but you say maybe this is what it takes. And the worst outcome that you can come up with in a negotiation isn't not getting a deal, it's really finding yourself stuck in a deal that never should have been made. So if we start to shift our mentality to thinking about negotiation as the art of deal discovery, then it takes a lot of pressure off of us because we're not saying, I need to get this deal done, and I'll do whatever it takes to get this deal done. We're saying, all right, I'm having this conversation. I'm going to lead with curiosity. I'm going to figure out what they need. I'm going to clearly articulate what it is that I need. And then the process of negotiation just comes down to, what does it take to get a deal done and what can we get this done? Is it possible? Is there interest, overlap? Can we make this happen? And so we're going to work together to see whether or not we can co create a workable deal for you and for me. And if we can, that's great. Let's move forward. Let's close this deal. If we can't, no harm, no foul, it's okay, we can move on. Okay, so that mindset is important. Now. That's pretty easy to understand. That's not too straight. That's not. That's pretty straightforward. But we understand it's a little bit more difficult than that, because we could say, all right, Kwame. I mean, I could say, I don't want to find myself in a bad deal, but I actually really need this deal. Like, the money would be great right now. I really feel like this is a necessity to me. And one book in negotiation that I think is underappreciated is Start with no by Jim Camp. And what he says in the book is that when it comes to negotiation, one of the worst things you can feel, one of the Worst emotions that can drive you is, is the feeling of need. The feeling of need. Because if you feel needy during the negotiation process, the person can use that as emotional leverage and get more inappropriate concessions from you during this process. So how can we divorce ourselves from that feeling of need? And actually, you know what, let me not use the phrase divorce myself, because Whitney is on this stream. How can I distance myself from that feeling of need? And that brings us to preparation. Okay, so it all comes down to preparation. And this is going to be. If you, if you didn't catch our last LinkedIn live, when we talked about the importance of not focusing so much on the bottom line. Now, this was kind of counter that narrative to a certain extent, demonstrating where you need to focus on the bottom line. And so again, let's revisit the concept of batna. I brought it up in the last one, I'm going to bring it up in this one. It's a core tenant of effective negotiation. So we have to have an understanding of it. So BATNA is an Ackerman acronym. It stands for best alternative to a negotiated agreement. Okay, so your best alternative to a negotiated agreement. Fancy way of saying my plan B. So if I don't get a deal here, what is my alternative? What am I going to do if I don't get a deal here? One of the best ways to increase your leverage while at the same time decrease your feeling of need is by increasing the quality of your batna. And so you do this by preparing. So if I don't get a deal here, what am I going to do? How am I going to find an alternative way to meet my needs? If you're going into this negotiation and you see this individual and this particular negotiation as your only pathway to success, that's going to make you feel very needy and, and people can leverage that against you and get inappropriate concessions. So you need to be creative and figure out what are some alternatives that I can put into place just in case this deal doesn't work out. And so we have to understand there's a distinction between these terms here. So we have alternatives and we have options. Now, an option, this is something that we will utilize during the course of a negotiation. I'm going to present these other options to the other side to see what we can do to try to make this particular deal work. An alternative is something that I can utilize with or without the agreement on the other side. So let's use a simple example. Let's say I'm trying to negotiate a salary and I'M negotiating with another company at the other at the same time. And so I recognize that the deal that I'm getting right here is not as good as the deal that I have with the other company. And so that other company is my plan B. That's my batna. So I'll never accept a deal that is worse than my batna. Right, Right. And so that is an alternative. The other company is an alternative. And I can make a contract and sign a deal with that other company, regardless of whether or not the company I'm currently negotiating with likes that. Right. But with an option. An option is incorporated in part of the deal. So they need to an agree to one. They need to agree to an option, but they have no right to really stop me from executing an alternative. And so sometimes the best thing you can do is to improve not only the quality of your outcome in this particular negotiation, but also, again, the mental state that you bring into the conversation is engaging in a negotiation with a completely separate entity or organization. And by improving your alternative, you increase your confidence at the negotiation table because it kind of emboldens you. I literally don't need to take this because I know I have a better option on the other side. Right. So again, in order to know when to walk away, we need to constantly evaluate the deal that we're having with the other person compared to our alternatives. And so we know that if we're not getting what we need in this negotiation, we have a plan B. And so that is a tool that you can use to determine whether or not you should walk away. One little note that I forgot to mention. When it comes to mindset, sometimes you can be too confident in your negotiations and not even arrogant, just too confident in your negotiation skills. And that can actually keep you stuck in a bad position. So we're cycling back to mindset for a little bit. So what I found is that sometimes in negotiations or friendships, relationships, whatever, it happens to be, I think to myself, hey, I'm Kwame Christian. I'm that negotiation guy. If anybody can get a deal done, it's me. And so now that I say it like that, it is arrogance. It is arrogance. And it's a situation where I should have walked away. I should have pulled the plug. I should have said, no, we're infringing on my boundaries. This is not appropriate. The deal doesn't work for me. But I say to myself, no, I have the negotiation skills. I can keep on pushing. I can try to persuade. I can work through that. And sometimes your persistence can Become a liability. Persistence is persuasive. A lot of times we quit too soon. But we have to recognize on the other side, too, sometimes you can be too persistent and you can find yourself stuck trying to negotiate bad deals or trying to work through bad relationships, and it gets you stuck in bad situations. So at some point, we have to get to the point where we pull the plug. And I can. It's not easy to figure out when this happens, right? Because sometimes deals could take days, weeks, months. And depending on the size of the deal, like if we're talking about a merger or acquisition, it could take over a year. Right. So how do we determine when it's time to walk away? And it's an imprecise science, Right? We have to consider the batna in our mind as all. At all times. I like to focus on momentum, too. So every deal has some momentum, and we're starting to incrementally come closer together, closer together, closer together with every conversation and every iteration of the negotiation. But sometimes you get stuck, sometimes you reach impasse, and that's a normal part of a negotiation. That's where persistence and negotiation skills can help you to break through. But sometimes you try different negotiation skills. Doesn't work. Different strategies. Doesn't work. Creative options. Doesn't work. And no matter what you do, you're not picking up that momentum. It's not coming back. And sometimes you have to recognize we might be stuck and we might simply be stuck because there's no deal to be made here. So let's give an example. Let's use a really simple transactional example here. So one of the things that you can do to determine whether or not you're getting close to somebody's bottom line is, is pay attention to the size of the concessions that people are make making. So let's use some simple round numbers here. So let's say the first concession they make is they go from their initial number and drop down 10,000. All right, we'll knock the price down 10,000. Okay, still not good enough. We negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. And then they say, all right, we can knock off another 5,000. Still not good enough. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. They say, okay, we're going to knock off another 2500. All right. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. We're going to knock off 500, right? And we're seeing the, the concessions getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And so you're recognizing the concessions are getting smaller and smaller and smaller, which indicate that you're getting closer to the bottom line. But you recognize there's Still a massive gap between where the negotiation currently is and where you need it to be in order to make it viable. That's an example of the momentum of the deal slowing down. And it shows you a signal, hey, you know what? We might not be able to make this happen. Now, let's say we got to this point, which leads us to the third point. So we have mindset, we have preparation, and now we have communicating the message. Here's what you don't do. You're not like, hey, it's not going to work out. Peace out, I'm gone, right? There's an art to this. We have to describe. We have to communicate this in a respectful way. And we don't want to burn bridges. So. And we also have to consider sometimes the other side might be bluffing. They might be listening to this LinkedIn Live and they might be saying, oh, okay, so I'm going to make my concessions incrementally smaller to signal that I'm getting to my bottom line, even though I'm actually not close to my bottom line. That might be their negotiation strategy. So how do I end this negotiation where I say, all right, I'm going to protect my boundaries, number one, but I don't want to burn bridges. I want to make sure I leave the door open just in case circumstances might change or they might be bluffing. And so what we need to do is we need to make sure that we end this conversation and end the negotiation in a way that allows the other side to save face. And so I'll reference, actually, Simone, if you could drop into the chat, the episode with my Mike Macchiarelli with the how to save face in negotiation. This is really important. So when it comes to negotiation, the concept of saving face is, in my opinion, one of the most important. But under discussed topics in negotiation, and when you're allowing somebody to save face, essentially what you're doing is you're giving them an opportunity to exit the negotiation or discussion with their dignity and self respect in place. You want to make it easy for them to recover from the end of the negotiation without feeling silly about themselves. Right. So this is what I'll say. I'll say based on where we are right now, it doesn't look like we're going to make it. We're going to come to an agreement. But I want to say this. I've enjoyed the process of negotiating with you. I see a lot of value in you and your organization. And if anything changes on your end, please feel free to let me know and Then we can come back and see if we can make something work. And if something changes on my end, end, I'll be. I'll be sure to do the same. And what we're doing is we're saying based on what we're seeing right now, it's not going to work. But, hey, wink, wink, if something changes on your end, feel free to come back. No harm, no foul, right? So I give the other person to the opportunity to say, oh, hey, you know, I talked to my CFO and it found. It turns out we can do xyz, right? Because it might be a bluff. And I don't want to just say, hey, this deal's done. We're out of here. And then it feels kind of awkward for them to come back and say, hey, Kwame, actually, I was bluffing. I'm nowhere near my bottom line. I can give you more. That would look kind of weird. And it would be hard for them to do that and still save face. And so what I want you to do, what I want to do is say, hey, listen, if something changes, let me know. Because based on the circumstances right now, we're not going to get a deal. And that's okay. But circumstances could change. And if that does happen, feel free to come back. The door is open right now on the other side, too. This is. This is a Kwame rule. Different negotiation experts approach this differently. But I want to make this really clear for me. If I'm walking away from a deal, it's not a fake. I don't bluff on walkways. If I'm walking away and I'm communicating that to the other side, I'm not playing games. Because for me, the most valuable tool that I have at my disposal is my reputation. And if I start to get a reputation of a guy as a guy who pretends to walk away when he's not really walking away, now people don't take me seriously anymore. I lose credibility. So it's like a short term tactic. If somebody calls my bluff and then I have to crawl back to the negotiation table saying, hey, I was just kidding. Then I lose credibility, not just in this negotiation, but all subsequent negotiations with this person. Because most likely they're still going to be in our ecosystem in some capacity. But then your reputation permeates without your permission, right? They're going to talk to other people. It's like, hey, Kwame might pretend like he's walking away, but he'll be back. Just wait. Give him seven days, he'll be back, right? I don't want that. I can't have that. And so I'm really clear, if I'm walking away, I'm walking away. And I can do that with confidence because I've taken the time to adjust my mindset and I've taken the time to prepare to make sure that if I do walk away, my batna is strong and I'm still in a good position. If I've come to that position where I'm walking away, I've done a thorough analysis of how I can still survive and still be okay despite the fact that we didn't come to an agreement today in this negotiation. So those are the three points. Mindset, preparation and how to communicate the the walk away respectfully. And an added bonus on not bluffing. 18 minutes. Not too bad for this solo lecture here, but. But I want to open it up to questions. To questions. Hey, from Jamaica, what's up? My family's from the Caribbean, Dominica and Guyana. So shout out to the islands. So yeah, Simone, let's highlight some questions. What questions do we have? Or comments? Interesting comments. Hello, my friends. Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations? At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands on training for your team, we've got you covered. Don't just negotiate. Master the art with the the American Negotiation Institute. Click the link in the description to find out more. Elevate, negotiate and succeed. Hey Felix. I see you. I was actually just thinking about you. So yeah, I'll shoot you a message, Pat. Hey, everybody. Check out Pat's episode on Negotiate anything. Really, really great. Good to see you, Pat. When leaving a negotiation, we open the box slowly and we close the box slowly. Why? You never know if you're going to need to open the box back up exact. Exactly. And here's the thing. We have to recognize that it's easy to say this in a situation like this where it's just, hey, just talking. Having a nice little intimate conversation with the open Internet, right? There's no deal on the table. It's easy for us to say this in a theoretical sense, but when you're having a negotiation and it's something that you care about, your emotions are going to play a role in it. Their emotions are going to play a role in it. And sometimes we can get really frustrated in the moment, and we want to maybe tell the other person about themselves or express our frustration in a less than articulate way. That is my way of saying we want to be mean to the other side. Right. But we have to be mindful of the fact that circumstances might change. And so if we end this negotiation in a way that does unnecessary damage, we could cause damage that could reverberate not just throughout this relationship, but affect our careers in other ways, too. So. Yeah. Cool. What else we got? Ah, I'm usually a great problem solver, but this deal breaks my heart. Yeah. So, Elizabeth, to that point, sometimes when we have these. These. These. These tough negotiations, the closer you get to it emotionally, sometimes the less clearly we can see the right answer. And sometimes in these situations, what we have to do is we have to bring in a third party that could come in the form of a mediator. But sometimes these conflicts that we're. That we found our. They don't. They don't have the financial legitimacy to bring in a mediator. A mediator is expensive. And so don't think about a mediator in terms of the, like, the official sense, where you have to pay, like, $500 an hour for an expert here. But sometimes it's just an impartial party that knows both people in. In the context of a family, it might be a respected, trusted family member who has knowledge of the situation and both parties, but can be impartial in this situation. And sometimes when emotional or the other person gets emotional, sometimes the thing that can help is getting somebody who can stand between both of you to try to broker an agreement or a coach who has your back who can help you to see things a little bit more closely. So, yeah, if you're. If you're using terms like this deal breaks my heart, then that's a sign that it's really close to your heart. And that's when you have to bring in a third party from time to time that you can trust to bounce ideas off, to see, hey, am I seeing this the right way? What would you do in this situation? Because sometimes our emotions can lead us astray. That's good. So, Kwame, when you really need the job but the money is not so good and you don't want to walk away, even though the money is the same as your previous job, what do you do? I think that's when we have to start to play career chess. So let's say if the money is the same in this new job as it would be for your next job as the, as your previous job. Then you have to see where you can get other value. Because I like to think about these deals in, in terms of value, not necessarily money, because you, you might have a deal where your, the, the salary is a hundred thousand dollars and the Other one is $100,000. But the benefits might be very different, the exposure you get might be very different. The, the opportunities for growth might be very different. And so as you're going through this negotiation process, you're not just negotiating the compensation package, you're also negotiating for information. I want to understand holistically how this could be beneficial to me or how it could hurt me, those type of things. And so I might still get the go for this new opportunity as I'm negotiating with them because I might be able to negotiate for faster promotion. All right, cool. This is actually the same amount that I was making at my last job. I was hoping that I could make more. What flexibility do you have? I love asking the question, what flexibility do you have? Because it can entice them to negotiate against themselves. They might say, oh, we don't have much flexibility. Then you counter. You know, you try to play that game a little bit. Let's say they're stuck at 100,000. All right, cool. Hypothetically, if I were to accept this deal and I perform to a high level, how long would it take me to reach the next level? Okay, good. So in eight months, potentially, I could get a raise. Okay, fantastic. What would it take to make sure that I do that? So I'm going to negotiate for that next promotion, and I'm going to negotiate for an explicit roadmap for, for how I can get there. And so you would accept that new position even though the salary might be the same? If you can project into the future and think and see that this could be a better position for you for your next. The next jump in your career. So we have to think a little bit more broadly about the value of the deals and the relationships, because if we just look at the number, sometimes we might make. We might not make a good decision because we haven't done a thorough analysis. Good. Diamond, can you touch on vulnerability, transparency, and hierarchy in negotiations and how to protect those interests while being so Genuine. Genuine. Thank you for that. First of all, let's put in the chat. How many people would like to have a LinkedIn live on how to negotiate through hierarchies and through power dynamics? I'm starting to see that as a pattern in these, in, in the, the comments that I'm getting in the question. So let me know if there's enough interest. That might be our next one. So, great question. So when we're thinking about transparency and vulnerability, really what we're talking about is being open and honest with how we're thinking, how we're feeling and what we need. I see a lot of value in that. And a lot of times we can be really guarded to our own detriment because we're not giving the other person the information they need to feel comfortable adjusting their position. Now, in our preparation process, one of the things that we have to do is we need to analyze what it is that we can say and what is it that we cannot say. Of course, we want to consider ethics into this. So let me put in like my legal hat real quickly. So ethically, we don't want to withhold information that prevents the person from making an informed decision. That's like lying by omission. So we have to make sure that we're being transparent with information that ethically we should be sharing. But once you do that analysis and you can figure out what you can share and you don't, what you shouldn't share, what I would do is I would share that information incrementally because I'm not just going to, you know, say everything that I'm thinking or feeling that can be really overwhelming for somebody else. And I see this as an opportunity to build trust because a lot of time trust is built through reciprocity. So I'm going to be vulnerable and transparent, and I'm going to give you a little bit. I'm going to show you a little bit of myself, and then I'm going to wait for you to reciprocate. I might ask some questions and prompt you to share in return, and then you reciprocate with more information. This is great. Now I can build a little bit of trust. Now I'm going to share a little bit more of me. And now you reciprocate by sharing a little bit more of yourself. And so that's how we can incrementally build trust, by demonstrating by sharing information. I think in a lot of these negotiations, what ends up happening is that we are more likely to run into problems in our negotiations by withholding too much information than by sharing too much information. So I'm a big advocate for vulnerability and transparency. You know, it's, it's strategic vulnerability. Right? It's not, we're not just like Giving, like putting ourselves at their mercy inappropriately. So we have to think through it beforehand to make sure that we're, we're sharing information appropriately. That's the first thing. Now, when it comes to the, the power dynamics in these conversations, this is another important consideration, because the way that you negotiate with somebody who is at your level or below your level is going to be different from the way you negotiate with somebody who's above your level, too. So we can't. We don't negotiate the same way with everybody. The tone will be different. The approach will be different, will be a little bit more deferential, but not submissive. If the person is at a higher level. And so it depends on the, the, the way that we're handling the negotiation, does the person have more power in the negotiation because of leverage? So it's not a rank thing. It's a leverage thing. They just have more of what I need. Okay, that'll be a different tone. Is it a situation of rank within an organization? Do they outrank me? Am I trying to negotiate with my manager or my boss? Those type of things that will require a more deferential tone. Those type of things. So I think, again, in the preparation stage, we have to make sure that we are considering the power differentials and the power dynamics as we negotiate. The core fundamental principles of the way that you negotiate will be more or less the same, but it will change as it relates to tone more so than anything else. Okay, great. Michael, good to see you. At what point should the company leadership leaders step in during the negotiations? When companies are negotiating through a third party. So we're saying through a third party in terms of, like a mediation, I think when it comes to the leaders, it depends on the circumstances. But what I like to do or what I've seen other companies do is that they have certain members of the team lead the negotiation. And then if the negotiation becomes a little bit more difficult or you feel like you need to bring in a little bit more, a little bit more weight to the negotiation, then you go up in rank. So for instance, it might be the, the person who is a business development leader, a salesperson in the organization handling the negotiation initially. Okay. Now it's getting a little bit tough. I'm not sure what kind of flexibility I have. So at this point, I'm going to bring in the cfo. The CFO is going to join, join the next negotiation. We're going to bring that person in, and then let's say it's. I've seen this a lot in procurement, for instance, so we have a, a big Fortune 500 company and a supplier that is for the support of that Fortune 500 company, but the supplier is much smaller than that Fortune 500 company. And so you might see maybe the CEO even come in and start to have that conversation with the procurement leader, because they're saying to themselves, this is an important deal. If we get this deal, it could make or break the company. So then we bring in a little bit more gravitas and weight to the conversation as necessary to pack a little bit more of a persuasive punch. And so I like to, when I'm coaching other teams, again, it depends on the circumstances. I like to have that increasing weight of authority as necessary. But if you start the conversation and it's like the CEO leading the negotiation, then where else do you go, right? It's really tough. And I, I had Lucine Mehrabi on the podcast, a great negotiation expert. If you're not following her, make sure you follow her. She's really good. And she brought in this, she had this really good example. She said, she said, if I've already spoken to God, why would I care to speak to the apostles? I thought that was really interesting because she said, if you just start off with the head honcho, whoever's on top of the organization, then they're not going to bother talking to anybody else because you're the ultimate decision maker. So I don't need to talk to anybody else. I'm just going to talk to you. So you want to be really mindful of when you call in that, that big, that big weighted authority, because it can really make a difference in the negotiation. But if you started that level, there's no way to level up from there. All right, Kristen, I'm a, I'm a clinical person new to salary negotiation. I want not to burn bridges with recruiters and companies. So I often do not interview with multiple recruiters. Slash, do not have a backup. Is that stupid? I would never call anything stupid. I never say that. I would never say it's stupid. But I think the, in the intent behind not wanting to burn bridges, that's important. I think that's really important. But I would say there's value in having these conversations with multiple recruiters and multiple con companies at the same time, because you're only as strong as your best option. And if you only have one option, then you're not very strong. And think about the reverse. Think about these other companies. They're not only negotiating with you, they're increasing their optionality by keeping these job postings opening open and getting as many potential options as possible to increase their optionality gives them a lot more leverage. You should be doing the same. And then we also have to think about the value of social proof. So if I have this thing here, it's perceived as valuable, but if I have this thing and other people know that other people want this thing, like more people want this, then the. The perceived value goes up. So if you get one job offer from one company and it's them, they value you. Right? We know they value you because they've already signaled that you are their best option. But if they know that you have five other job offers, they value you even more. Because it's not just them wanting you, they know that other companies want you too. That increases your perceived value and gives you more leverage toward the negotiation table. So when you think about when it comes to power and leverage in negotiation and in life, a lot of times that's going to come from your options. If you have better options, you will have more power and leverage at the negotiation table. So always try to get as many options as possible. So I would encourage you to try to have more conversations with more recruiters and more companies. Cool. Awesome question. Great point here. It's okay to walk away. And it's not the last chance to negotiate this or another deal. No deal is better than a bad deal. Lucia. Yes. And check out Lucia's episode on the podcast and her. Her book for the Forces of Good. A really, really great book, too. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Pat says Kwame, when it comes to leverage, I always ask myself, what is the business theirs and mine? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Right? Because we have to now do an analysis of what's at stake. What business is it like and what unique value do I bring to the business? What unique value do they bring to my business and my life, too? And we have to recognize that things like power and leverage, they're dynamic, not static. They change with time. So when we prepare for these negotiations, the preparation is an ongoing process. It really never ends as long as the negotiation is continuing. The preparation process needs to be constantly updated between conversations. It's really important because once you do that analysis, you might recognize that your power has changed. There's been a shift in leverage, and that can lead you to have a shift in your negotiation strategy. Right. That's very good. Scott. What is up, man? Great to see you. You mentioned that when you walk away, don't cry wolf and come Back to the table immediately. What do you suggest when your effective ending causes them to apologize and try to get back to the negotiation during the session? So this is a awesome question, awesome question. Because there's going to be that desire, that really human desire to say, to almost call them out, like, I knew you were bluffing. What are you doing here? Right? But in those situations, I just assume that it's a mistake. I'll let them think that. I'll just say, hey, listen, I understand circumstances might change those type of things. Whatever excuse they give, I go ahead and validate that because I recognize that there might be an emotional benefit for me to call them out. Like they say, oh, actually, no, my number, my calculation was wrong, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, it wasn't. You were trying to steal from me. Right? There's the temptation to do that. But what I'll do is I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and I'll just say, hey, listen, that happens to the best of us, you know, I understand. So tell me, tell me now, since you've had a chance to think it through, what's realistic for you? So I'm going to let that go. I'm going to let it go. So when they do come back, I'm not going to hold it over their heads. But I will make a note of it. I will make a note of it for next time because I'm going to be a lot more skeptical of their resistance into the future because I recognize that they might be playing a bit fast and loose with the truth when it comes to what their boundaries really are. Yeah, great question, Scott. Cool. What else? Awesome questions and comments, by the way. This is. This is really great. Any other ones coming through? All right. Oh, I see this one that came through at 2:34. If the first option didn't work out, but they come back to the table with something else to consider, does that mean I have a better negotiation opportunity? I would say that it helps you to. To. And this is kind of a playing off Scott's question too, right? I think I would consider what it means for my. My leverage and power in this negotiation, because it's a signal. I'm getting some data. So the data is that, all right, there's still life in this deal, there's still flexibility. I can. I can get more. How much more? I'm not sure, but I can get more, which makes this deal potentially more viable. And also, if they're willing to kind of risk their reputation and come back to the negotiation table. That means they might need the deal a little bit more than they were initially demonstrating. So they might have been acting really tough and cool, saying, oh, yeah, you know, it's all good. We're in a good position. Yeah, if this doesn't work out for you, it's fine. No, we can't go lower than that. Nope, no, it's okay if you have to go and then, you know, we, we end the, the call or whatever and they come back. Actually, you know what we were just thinking, I'm like, okay, you came back really quickly. You might need this more than I initially realized. So what I like to do is I like to remember this really important point. Every offer comes with information. So a lot of times what ends up happening is we get an offer or a counter and then we just kind of go back and forth. It turns into a game of conversational tennis. Right? We start haggling or something like that. But that's actually really interesting that you came back to the table. So I'm going to ask you a few questions, all right. Out of curiosity. It seemed like you were pretty sure that this wasn't going to work out. What changed on your end? All right, can you help me to understand when it comes to this deal, how is that beneficial to you? And out of curiosity, hypothetically speaking, what changes for you if you don't get this deal? How does this impact you? Right. So I'm gathering information. This is important because I might find out I might have a lot more leverage than I thought. And if I make that analysis and come to that conclusion, I have more leverage, then I might be a little bit more assertive the next time I come back to the table because I was okay with not getting the deal and walking away. Because I know what my batna is. I have a viable option, they might not. And sometimes when you see somebody's negotiation strategy deviate or change really quickly, that's an important thing to pay attention to. Hmm. I might have misread this power analysis that I made initially. Let me see how much I can get. Let me push a little bit further. Right. So again, that's another example of why I don't bluff. You embolden the other side. Right. They push a little bit harder. So that's a really good question. Cool. Vilma, tell me if I'm pronouncing that right. I'm a real estate agent, newer in the field. I have high ranked client approaching me with an offer to sell his properties in a few hundreds. I'm Assuming hundreds of thousands of dollars, they approach more experienced agents with their properties in a higher price range. Will I lose them giving them discount on their commissions? They're in the negotiation business. Oh, they're in the negotiation business. Okay, so they're planning, trying to play games. Here's the thing. We have to be really intentional about honoring ourselves during these negotiations too, because let's say you cut your commission in order to get this deal. You have to ask yourself, and only you can make this determination, will you feel good about doing that? Because we have to consider the, the financial ramifications of the decision that we make. So maybe it's viable for you to do that, but maybe it doesn't sit right with you. Maybe you look back on that agreement and you don't feel good about yourself because you don't feel like you're being paid what you're worth. And if that's the case, and I really want to encourage people, if a deal doesn't sit right with you emotionally, I'm not an advocate of doing emotional damage just for financial advantage. Now, that could be considered a privileged position. If you're already in a financially secure position, then you have the benefit of being able to make that decision, oh, it doesn't feel right, so I'll let that money go. But you might not be in that type of position, so you might have to take that decision. Feel. So that's the first thing. Consider how it'll make you feel. And also consider this too. You mentioned that the person that you're talking to, they're a high value client, if I remember the term correctly. They're high value and they're experienced negotiators. They might be testing you. They might be testing you. And by just, just saying, okay, yeah, I'll cut my commission. They might say, if she does not advocate for herself, how can I expect her to advocate for me? And sometimes the best way to get respect from somebody else, especially if they have a lot of experience and power, is by resisting and holding your ground. So I know that is not a specific answer that tells you exactly what to do, but it does tell you some important considerations to keep in mind as you make that decision. It's not as clear as just yes or no. We have to do a little bit of introspection to see what sits well with you. But I always advocate for standing up and pushing a little bit harder. Cool. Michael, how do you determine whether to keep negotiating with a company or a person or to call it quits altogether? I think, like, I Said, we pay attention to the momentum, and also we have to pay attention to time. So we have to think about if we were to put like an hourly rate to our time. The deal gets more expensive the more we invest into it. So we have to consider what the return on investment is. And a lot of times we don't consider the value of our time in that calculation. And so let's say this is a deal worth $10,000, something like that. Random number, $10,000. Okay, cool. And typically your deal value in this range is around 10,000, 12,000, $15,000. Okay, cool. So this is where we are at $10,000. We recognize that the more you negotiate, the less valuable the deal becomes, because if we calculate the hourly rate, the hourly rate gets smaller if we start to value our time in the negotiation. So if I'm negotiating with this person for months for 10k, then it becomes not worth my time very quickly. Right. And so a lot of times when it. When we're determining when to walk away, we have to recognize at some point, I have to start valuing my time, and it might be valuable for them to keep on chipping away at a couple thousand dollars, but it's not valuable to me. And so I think we have to consider the value of the time. And I'll be really transparent with this, too. So again, going back to vulnerability and transparency, if I'm walking away, I'm letting people know why. So maybe the deal is still economically valuable, but when I think about it in terms of investment of time, it's just not worth my time anymore. So I might say something like this, Michael, I'll say, hey, listen, I. I appreciate the fact that you're advocating for yourself, and it seems like the financial concerns are really important to you at this point. I've invested a lot of time into this, and considering the amount of time I would put into delivering on this deal, we're at this point where it's. It's no longer economically viable for me to continue with this negotiation process. So if this is a deal breaker for you, considering where we are financially, I completely understand that, and, and I respect your decision. But for me right now, if we're not able to come to a conclusion in this conversation, I'm going to have. Unless something changes, I'm going to have to walk away. Something like that. Right. And that's a freestyle. That's no prep. I would prepare. I would say that in a more articulate way, but I think just recognizing that sometimes we don't value our time Enough and consider that in part of the deal. So time is going to be something that we consider cool. Oh, cool. Glad. Glad that helped, Vilma. So, Vilma, for the people who are on their. In their cars. Vilma said, that's exactly what I thought. What? What I thought. Thank you, Kwame. Kwame, you're so smart. This was amazing. That's what she said. That's exactly what she said. Okay. Trust me. Good. No peeps. This is great. I. I appreciate this, this engagement and your, your questions really add to the richness of this, this, this LinkedIn live. So I appreciate that. Thank you all for this. And yeah, let me know, Put in the comments. Let me know what other topics you'd like us to. To cover. This would be really great. And yeah, let's have some fun. Maybe tag somebody like a big name person you want us to try to get on the podcast. We've got something we're going to announce in a little bit that could be really interesting. So let me just drop the little teaser here. If there's a big name person that you'd like us to get, let's see what we can do. All right, peeps. Well, I appreciate you. Thank you. And I'll catch you all in the next LinkedIn Live. I'll catch you later. Bye. Congratulations. You've just joined an elite club by listening to a full episode. You're now officially on the Negotiate Anything team. So welcome aboard. What most team members do is they subscribe to the podcast because that allows them to automatically get the latest episodes of the show. The best things in life lie on the other side of difficult conversations. Keep learning, keep practicing, and keep getting better. Your relationships will improve, your career will soar, and you'll have the confidence you need to get the most out of these crucial conversations. Again, thank you for joining the team. We're excited to have you, and I will see you in the next episode. I'll catch you later.