Why Most People Fail to Achieve Their Goals — Raymont Harris on the Mindset That Changes Everything

Hey, I'm Kwame Christian, and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world, where we teach you how to make difficult conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process. Each episode is packed with practical tips and strategies from the experts. We delve into negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership skills that are crucial in both business and in life. Whether you're closing a deal, managing a team, or navigating personal relationships, Negotiate Anything provides you with the tools you need to succeed. Our conversations are real, relatable, and most importantly, rooted in practicality. So if you're ready to transform your conversations and elevate your negotiation skills, join me on Negotiate Anything. Subscribe and listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you love to listen. Let's make every conversation a winning negotiation. Raymond, thanks for joining us today, man.

My man. What's going on? How you doing, bro?

I am great. I am great. Well, we're excited to have you here today. So how would you get us started? By telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do.

Awesome, man. My name is Raymond Harris. Currently I own my own elite mindset coaching, consulting and public speaking business. It's called emp. I'm doing that on the heels of working at my alma mater for 15 years. I am former professional athlete, former D1 athlete. I'm just a guy who has been on a really long journey to kind of figure out himself and then figure out my space in this world and being able to not only appreciate amazing journey, but to really also appreciate, like, the people that have been around me to help me get to this spot. So that's me in a nutshell. My guy. I feel like I'm paying it forward as I get a chance to help people be like the absolute best version of themselves by dealing with elite mindset and performance.

Absolutely. And listen, listeners, my friend Raymond here is very, very, very humble. Okay, he's leaving out some stuff because here's the thing. When we talk about mindset, that's our focus for today. What's been really fascinating to see as I've learned more about you and your life, is just how that elite level mindset has led you to levels of consistent success in all sorts of different industries. Because like you said, a student athlete here in the States, that's essentially a professional athlete. Right. And then you were in the NFL for multiple years. How long were you in the league?

Six years. As a running back.

Yes.

For a running back.

Long.

Yeah.

Tell me about it. Yes. Then you came out, worked at Ohio State, you started your own company, and you also started a social club and a nonprofit. So it's so cool to see again how the mindset has led you to be successful in all of these different types of realms. So can you just give us your perspective, just philosophically in general, about mindset and then we'll flow from there?

Yeah, no doubt. Quam. I believe that mindset is truly like the basis of everything. And I think the number one controllable that whole sphere is, is belief. And I truly believe that there is nothing or no one that has ever been great without first believing in themselves. And when I think about mindset and I think about my origin story, people like look at the success. They look at the things that have happened to me, the playing in the NFL and making lots of money and all these wonderful things being celebrated. But then in actuality, it could look like I'm someone who has been supported all my life, someone who's maybe had a silver spoon and has had lots of opportunities from so many people. And that truly wasn't the case when you grew up in a small steel city called. It's lorain, Ohio. It's 30 miles right outside of Cleveland. I grew up in a poverty stricken environment and my mother died giving birth to me and my father was forced to raise his 12 year old son, 9 year old daughter, and me a little infant all by himself. And it was tough and life was really difficult. And so much of my environment, unfortunately, my siblings and so many other people that I love had a really difficult time like in life. And me being able to see and understand and then also having people believe in me and invest in me allowed me to be able to have like that mindset, to be able to see beyond where I started, to be able to have like, levels of success that people could only dream of. So when we talk about mindset, I think it's the foundation to any and everything that could ever be great.

Yeah, man. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that story. It's powerful and it makes a lot of sense. I mean, you're consistent here, Raymond, because you said it was the belief and investment of the people around you who cared about you that allowed you to have that mindset. And I think this is critical because whenever we're doing negotiation trainings, keynotes, whatever it happens to be, I say in order to be a good negotiator, you have to have two things. You have to have mindset and skill set. You need to understand what to do Tactics, strategies, and actually have the skills. But then you have to have a mindset that allows you to put those things into practice when it actually matters. And a lot of times we focus so much on the skillset, the strategies, the tactics, that we neglect the mindset. And what you're helping us to recognize is that in many ways, we don't even fundamentally understand mindset because it starts with a belief. And I think a lot of times in the professional world, we have a lot of disempowering beliefs that hold us back from even getting to a point where we can have an empowered mindset.

Yeah, that's really the case in so many different instances. I think about, like where I grew up, think about what the environment was like. It was not necessarily an environment conducive to going out and having lots of success. The majority of the people that lived in my small city, they worked in either the shipyard or one of the auto plants or in the steel mill. And if you grew up in Lorraine, more than likely you lived there for the rest of your life. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you have a chance to have some kind of exposure and be able to see beyond where you start, that opens up ability to be able to believe. So for me, the skillset is big because it was hard to notice this, but I'm very athletic. I got muscles all over the place and speed and all those wonderful things. But if I don't necessarily believe that I can do, when I go up against a team that's better than me, and then I start doubting whether or not, like, I'm good enough, that speed and agility and strength, it doesn't even matter. It's like it's not even there. It's like the kryptonite to a superman. So being able to absolutely master both, like a skill set, but then also like the mindset, it's like they complement each other. For you to be able to go on and have levels of success that you can only dream of.

Absolutely. And it requires a lot of self awareness to be able to diagnose what the real challenge is. Because again, we might say I didn't get the outcome that I wanted. I guess I need to go back to the gym. I guess I need to work harder and then we bring it to the professional space. Oh, that negotiation didn't go as well as I wanted to. I'm going to read another book, I'm going to learn another skill, I'm going to do another training. And a lot of times When I hear people talk, one of the things that I've been hearing more and more frequently is how do I negotiate when somebody else has more power? How do I negotiate when they have all of the leverage and they're my only option? And from the way that they're asking the question, you can hear that mindset in there saying, I am at a supreme disadvantage and I'm just trying not to get crushed. How do I not get crushed? Could you imagine as a running back that your mentality, so, coach, how do I get out there and not get hurt?

Stand over here by me. You stay over here. Right here with me. Hey, Billy, you go in the game.

Exactly. Being able to identify, hey, my mindset right now, I'm not coming from a place where I even believe higher level performance is possible. Or maybe it's something like, I don't even believe somebody like me, whoever that might be, can be effective in this conversation or in this role. So if somebody listens to this podcast and they say to themselves, you know what? That might be one of the things that's holding me back, this mindset. I don't have that belief that I can do better or acquire this skill or handle myself in this way. How do you start to develop that belief in yourself? Hello, my friends. Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations? At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands on training for your team, we've got you covered. Don't just negotiate. Master the art with the American Negotiation Institute. Click the link in the description to find out more. Elevate, negotiate, and succeed.

For me, I was really fortunate to have some adults that were coaches and teachers that invested in me that took the time to validate, to also just share with me that I had the ability that I was good enough and I was talented enough to be able to do any and everything that I want. When you grow up in an environment where you don't receive that kind of love and hugs and kisses and support, yeah, there's so many people that end up going through life and having a chance to experience. So I understand, like, how special and wonderful that was for me. Having somebody like, invest in you and share with you, like how good you can be their Belief, flip that switch and allow you to then believe in yourself. And from there, Kwame, I truly believe that, man. If there are so many controllables that we have, there are things that I believe as I look through, like, the journey of my life and how I was able to get to, from these very humble beginnings to where I am today. Things like patience and positivity, commitment, resilience, adaptability. These are things that are within, like, my model and method that I've created to help us remind us of where we want to be and what we need to be in control of. And a lot of times, unfortunately, we give that control to somebody else. We'll go into a space and think, oh, man, they don't like me. I can't do this. Then they're better than me. They have more control or more power. So it doesn't even matter what I do. That defeatist attitude right there, number one, is going to put you at a deficit. And then, number two, it also allows for, like, victim mentality. And, Kwame, I just come from a place where victim mentality is just not an option, man. We can't do that. So whenever you want to take charge and be in control, you switch that mindset, you shift it, and you then be able to be the person that starts calling those shots. Then you're at level, playing ground. This person that a few moments ago you thought was superior.

This is brilliant because this is so empowering, because you're recognizing, hey, like you said, there's so much in our control. And what ends up happening is we don't even realize we're making the choice, but we're choosing to focus on all of the things that are not within our control. And sometimes that negative perspective primes us to see more negativity. So I'm not feeling confident in this situation. And now I'm looking for all of those reasons that confirm this conclusion, that I should not be confident in this situation. Right. So we have to move to this more empowered mindset. And I like what you said, too. We have a defeatist mentality. And I think a lot of times what happens is that defeatist mentality is repackaged in our minds as a realist mentality. I'm just being realistic.

Yes, you know, I hear that all the time.

Yes, let's go into this, too, because that myth of being realistic, that myth of being reasonable, we convince ourselves that our negativity is really prudent. So can we dig into that mentality, too?

Yeah, no doubt. First of all, any and everything That I speak about and I believe has come from, like, my journey. So it's real. And I think back to you go to this small, tiny steel city where nobody in my family ever went to college. Nobody ever played football. My mom passed. I was abused as a kid. Life was tough. No one in the area had ever gone to play professional, like, sports. Why would this random kid. How could that guy end up being someone who plays in football? At the highest level, it's all about the mindset. There was no shortage of people telling me, that's not possible. You need to get a more realistic goal. Yeah, that's great, but, yeah, you can't do it. What makes you think that you can do it? Like, those are the kinds of things that we tend to hear. And what I've learned is, like, when we adjust, when we truly believe and we commit. And the great thing about commitment is, like, we control it. If you throw any and all of your energy and effort into that commitment, it'll happen. But you have to be consistent, and you have to believe that you are good enough and worthy. And you have to understand that there are going to be some pitfalls and some obstacles. So you're going to have to adapt. You're going to lose multiple times, so you're going to have to be resilient. When you think about it, Kwame, when you put all that stuff together, it's not easy. It's very simple, but it's not easy. And listening to all of those different things can be overwhelming. And you package that with some people telling you that you can't do it, it becomes extremely discouraging. But for some reason, I can be honest. It's only me and you listen here, right? Nobody else listening. Growing up, man, I didn't have a great relationship with my father. I truly respected him, loved him. He was everything to me because I didn't have a mom. But my father was mean and angry. And I know that that anger really was just sadness because he lost the love of his life at 33 years old. We didn't have therapy and grief counseling, so we just did the best that we could. So there was a lot of abuse and anger and hatred growing up my guy. And he was all that I had, so I wanted to win him over. So I did any and everything I could to make him think and feel that I was special. He loved sports. I'm going to play all the sports, and I'm going to play them to the best of my ability, and I'm going to be the best, and I'm going to win them over. And it never happened. So throughout that journey of trying to win this man over, I built this amazing skill set. But I was also struggling in school. I was also unpopular. I was also mildly depressed. I mean, I had all of these things. And not until the belief positivity and the commitment and patience, all these other controllables came into play, was I truly able to start recognizing and realizing how special I am and how my dream was attainable. Like, that's how it truly all came about. So to go back to what you said earlier, Kwame, skill set is very important, but without the mindset, you won't make it to where you want to go.

Man, that is powerful. And tell us about that transition, too. What switched in your mind? And you correct me where I'm wrong on this, Raymond, because it sounds like for you, initially, you were trying to earn the love of your father by what you were doing from the outside looking in. People might say, well, clearly you did very well. You developed these skills. Isn't that a good thing? And I'm assuming, because I want to get your thoughts on this, once you were able to make that switch, you were able to get to a higher level because you had a healthier source of motivation. And I'm really curious to know, what internal conversations did you have to have with yourself to get to that point where you were able to make that switch.

So, hey, I'm 52 years old. Those internal conversations happened a long time ago. My guy, if I'm being honest, I never stopped trying to win him over. Realizing that my attempts, it became more about me and what I could do and how I could control everything. Once I had a few coaches tell me that I was special, when those people told me that I was really smart, that I was smart enough to. If I didn't get an athletic scholarship, I could get a scholarship academically because I could test well, and I'm really smart. So to hear things like that, here's the key. You have to believe it. I began to believe that about myself. And there is something so much more beautiful, man, when you're trying to attain something by doing it for, like, these reasons that are positive versus, like, the fire being something negative. And I was fueled by this negative fire for so long that once it switched over to something positive, it allowed me to truly see, like, the vast beauty of how much I could actually succeed with. So that's really where it came from, man. Like, being able for it all to start flipping from being negative. A negative source to like more of a positive source. That positive source, it's like a tree. It starts having different branches and different leaves. I start doing well in school because the teachers see my change in attitude. I'm no longer like sitting in the back of the class kikiing with my buddies. I'm sitting in the front of the class and I'm asking questions. So when a teacher sees that, they see that this person is more engaged. So now they want to extend their extra teaching time to help this person get up to par, but not only get to a C level, but to get to an A level. All of that stuff starts happening as you switch your mentality. I didn't know at the time, but in retrospect, that's what happened to me.

That right there, you see there's a momentum that comes from this. Right. Because it started with the belief from your coaches and then you started to believe it, it changed your behavior and then the outside world started to respond positively to it. And I think that helps folks out here who are leaders listening to this podcast because a lot of times as leaders, when we're giving feedback and trying to help our team grow, we focus on the negatives, nitpicking, do this better, do that better. But we miss out on the reality that as leaders, we are in a really, really powerful position to help the mindsets of the people who are on our team by instilling in them the belief and the confidence that they can improve. And I think that's often missed. There's so much when it comes to coaching in sports, but coaching in life and leadership in general, where it seems like we almost feel obligated to be motivated by negative sources of energy, where we don't even realize that there's another way to move forward.

Yeah, I think if you're a leader and you are only focusing on the negative, I think you're really missing the boat on being able to truly connect with your employee, with your children, with your coworkers, whoever's in your community. Connection comes from people being able to truly humanize you, see you as a fully well rounded individual. None of us are just all good people or just bad people where a blend a percentage you have, I have multiple percentages of negative things. I mean, trust me. But all together, but mixed in with a lot of good stuff as well. And most of us are like that. And it's so much easier for someone, especially if you want them to buy into like what you're selling or if you want them to follow you or if you want to get the best out of them, for them to be able to have a connection, Quickest way to being able to have a connection is being able to humanize that other person and being able to understand that person is just like me. And we tend to give it our all when it has more to do with us and what we believe in.

Oh, man, that's powerful. That is powerful. Raymond, I appreciate you. This has been fantastic. And for those folks who are listening and they want to connect with you and learn more about you, what is the best way to get in touch?

Oh, well, the best way to get in touch with me is I have a website. It's my name, first and last name, Raymont Harris. R A Y M o n t.harris.com. you can get me there at the website. I'm on Instagram. It's my name. Once again, I am in the process of expanding, like the website, because, man, we didn't even get a chance to really talk about it, but I have a nonprofit that I just started. It provides health, wellness, and mental health resources for families affected by maternal mortality. And I named it after my mom because it was such a difficult thing for my entire life that not until I got to this space of being comfortable and good with being in my skin, knowing about who I truly am, was I able to then go through therapy and start acknowledging the things that have happened in my past and then also be able to stop looking at loss of my mother as a negative thing. But to acknowledge her for, like, her amazing, beautiful life that was cut short once again, man, it kind of goes back to what we were talking about, choosing to look at it differently when I was younger. It was just sad and why me? And this is unfair, man. God hates me. And now I understand that, like, man, her amazing life touched so many people in such a short amount of time. I want to make sure that we help even more people under her name. She's a whole shift of mindset, my guy.

That's powerful. I'm glad that you said, man, I respect the hell out of you and I appreciate the work that you do. And it's so impressive to see how you are still making sure that you are creating this legacy for your mother in her honor, changing so many lives and helping so many people positively. So I appreciate everything you do. And listeners will put everything, all of the details of that nonprofit and Raymond's website in the description. Appreciate you, brother. This was great.

Appreciate you. Always the best, man.

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