Q&A: Journaling, Tracking Your Journey

You.

Hello and welcome to today's coaching Q and A session. I'm Wendy with learning strategies and mind tracks, and I am going to be sharing a few thoughts about journaling to kick this off, and then we'll go to the questions that came in this week. So I have known for a long time the power of the written word. And so I remember seeing a study probably when I was in my early 20s, in my college years, that I think it was one Stanford maybe had done a study that students that write down their goals are 80% more likely to achieve them than students that don't. And that applied not only to their academic career, but also to their professional career when they launch themselves. So I've known that for a long time and I also.

I'm also aware. And this Jack Canfield, he made a really astute observation in a seminar I was at that what gets measured tends to get improved. So the writing down sort of gets it out of you. You set it on the written page and, and you, you, you see it for what it is. And so it's like you, you, you create a ruler and you can see where you are on that ruler. And as you keep entering into the journal, you get more and more information and you get a full picture of what's moving you forward and what isn't. It's almost as if instead of just between your ears, you know, you know, you want to do this, but you haven't got it down. You're, you're putting it down, you're committing it to it. It's almost like you made a contract with yourself. It becomes more serious. And it's, it's, it's, it's a precursor to committing to action on something. I think because you've written it down, that's the first step. It's written down in black and white and you know where you're trying to go. It's also harder, I think, for non compliance to crop in because you can't say it slipped your mind or, you know, it's not front center anymore because when you open your journal, there it is. When we were creating the Four Elements Manifestation course with Brian Osborne, I just loved this, this comment he made in that course. What you do is you have two mirrors. You have a white mirror and a black mirror. The white mirror is all positive traits. You have all the skills and the things you're proud of, the things you do really well. The black mirror is the things that are more contracted and that you perceive as being an issue. Why you're not achieving your goals or you're not moving yourself forward. And so the black mirror often. Well, let me finish the thought then. I have one other comment. So what he said about the black mirror is it's so powerful because you get the little boogers down and they can't hide anymore because you've nabbed them. You can't forget them. They're down there in that journal. So if you know what's on your black mirror, you. You know what the issues might be, what might be playing in that, Maybe you want to modulate. The other interesting piece from that whole exercise was often the black mirror components were actually great strengths when they were tempered, you know, when you either brought in the element that would. That would weaken them or control them, or you just plainly simply tamped down that energy and it became one of your true, you know, qualities and skills that would serve you so well in whatever you're trying to do. So that was a really interesting juxtaposition for me. But basically, journaling is just, I like a dedicated journal. I like one that I write down and I'll do day by day, or sometimes, you know, life gets in the way. I'll do one at the end of the week. What that does is if you can do it at the end of the day, you write down what happened. You write. And for you, as a paraliminal user, you might say, I started my day with the belief paraliminal. I did the sales leap before I went to my sales meeting. I presented really well. I wish I had done maybe positive relationships when I was dealing with, you know, Joe Blow, who is always so confrontational, and I sort of lost it with him. So. So in other words, you're seeing what you're doing, you're seeing what you might want to tweak, and you become your own coach. And so it's really a great tool. And the other thing with this, of course, is you're noticing what's working. And so more of that, please. You know, I want more of this result. This worked. I will do more of this. More of that, please. And so it's a really powerful tool to keep you. To get you on track and then keep you on track. The other thing that often happens with journaling is because if you keep things in your head, whatever's front and center is front and center at that time, and sometimes all the other stuff gets pushed to the back. So when you're keeping a journal, you notice patterns, you notice repeating cycles, you notice things that are surfacing.

Sequentially. That one leads to the other leads to the other. So you know what the precipitating factor is? There's so many aspects to this that it's just, it's such a great tool. And I, I think the, the other, the other thing that this does is there's a brain dump aspect because when you are, you've got a lot on your mind, you're, you're feeling distracted, you're all over the board and you're, you're not, you're not charting it, you're not, you're not, you're not putting it down, you're not getting out of you. It's all, it's all spiraling inside you. And it's like this huge morass of things that you should have done, could have done, that you might want to do, and they're all mixed up. But when you put them on the page, when you journal, I did this today, I didn't get to this. I, I need to make that a higher priority because that's important to me. There's this putting it out of you. You see it and it's not, it's not twirling inside you anymore. It's not spiraling inside you. It's out on the page. You can see it for what it is. I have a wonderful example of how journaling works from somebody who did not journal. And I want to bring this up because it was, it was like such an eye opener for me. A couple years after I started coaching here, I got a call from a customer with the most deadpan, jaded, unenthusiastic, non dynamic voice I have ever heard. Everything was a monotone. He was using parallel, he was not getting the results he wanted and he needed to talk to somebody who knew what they were doing because this just wasn't working well. You know, we, we started chatting and he, I made some suggestions that might loosen him up a bit. And the funny thing was that when we lived in Southern California, there was a lot of people with bumper stickers. And one of the ones that I connect immediately with this guy who I'll call Ernie was life's a bitch and then you die. And this was so him. I mean, when I got up the phone, I thought, oh my gosh, I can almost feel the chips on his shoulders. It was such a challenge. But anyway, we kept working at it. And we kept working at it, we kept working at it and chink started opening and he actually got a little lighter and then he, then he cracked a couple jokes and I almost Missed the first one because he. He had one of those really dry senses of humor. But he started opening up, and so it really started improving. Well, he called probably a couple months after his first call to me, and he said, you know, Wendy, this just isn't working. You know, I just. This is just not working. And I was just flabbergasted. And I said, ernie, I need to remind you of my first call with you. This is what we discussed. This was your attitude. And listen to how open you are now. You are a totally different human being. There is no way. This is not. You are not making progress. And there was complete silence on the other end of the phone. And then he finally had to admit that I was right. So it was. It was a really interesting experience because generally when people call in, there's a. There's a little crack in the door where they're willing to. To be open to things. But with Ernie, I felt like the door was slammed tight and it was padlocked and there was a chain on it. And it was. It was a really interesting one, little postscript to this, because I just love it so much. It was one of the high points of my first few years here. When we released the diamond feng shui course, he purchased it, and he started working on his home. And his wife was not involved at the time. She apparently had some issues, too. And between the two of them, I don't know. Anyway, he got the diamond feng shui course, and he started implementing some of the aspects. Well, there's a lot of action in diamond feng shui, and I think that really shifted his momentum with paralymnals as well, because he started opening his space to support him, and it symbolically became a vision board. So he was living in his vision. And so it really started opening and opening and opening. Well, I had. I finished a conversation one day, and he said to me, he says, you know, Wendy, I really love learning strategies, what you. And what you do. He says, and I really love you, Wendy. I mean, I could have. I could have gotten up and danced a jig right then and there. It was so awesome that here is this human being who is so shut off and so jaded and so pessimistic and that he felt comfortable saying to somebody he never even met that. That. That he loved me. I mean, it was. It was just an ecstatic moment for me to. To. To see this transition. So. And if he'd been journaling. My point is, if he'd been journaling, he'd have seen the progress he was making. He wouldn't have needed somebody to remind him of who and what he was and how much, how far he'd come. I think journaling is particularly important with paraliminals because when you're working with your other than conscious mind, the progress is not linear. You can't always tell on. And it's often a process where, you know, one, one petal unfolds and then you're feeling sort of stuck and then another one opens and then another one opens. And if you're not charting that, sometimes you feel like what is the use? But you are actually shifting. One of the analogies I like is that if you feel like you're cycling around and going over and over and over, it's actually a slinky. You know how a slinky, that toy that you can put on, on a, a stair tread and it flows down, it's like a big spring. And if you go around the slinky, you seem, seem like you're in the same place, but you're one. One link down and then you' down and you're another link down. So I think the, the journaling can be really, really helpful for paralimal users because the other unconscious mind has its own process and it, it may not be a cut and dry switch on, switch off. So the journaling can be just so powerful with any course you're using, anything you're working on, any goals you have. If you journal, you will. You see what's working, you see what isn't. You can see the patterns, you can see the cycles, and it's just a really, really powerful tool. And Ernie was a perfect example for me, of course, when journaling would have really, really helped someone to see more rapidly the progress they were making. So I really want to encourage you to do that. So we only had a couple questions this week.

There was hard. If you're on the line, there were two entries for you with a date and a time, but there was no question. So I apologize. I didn't have anything to go on. But there were two that came in, so I want to address those. One was Jerry. I am too diverse, diversified. I have too much coming at me. It's coming from every aspect of my life. Relationships, work. My health is. I'm having some health issues and I feel like I've lost my connection to divinity. How can I cope? That segues perfectly into what we were just talking about. But I am hearing more and more of that these days. I think there's, there's A lot of overwhelm. A lot of.

A lot of people are shifting gears, and they're shifting gears in so many aspects of their life. Normally, it used to be you. You change one thing and it, you know, you would finish that and you'd move on to the next. But there's so much volatility right now that I think a lot of people are experiencing this. So what we just spoke about, I would definitely recommend. Write it down. You know, I mentioned the Jack Canfield irritations list. Write down all the things that are coming at you. Make sure you need to do them all and deal with them all. It may be that you can delegate some of them, it may be that you can dump some of them. Maybe they aren't that important in the bigger scheme. And that's another thing. You get a comparative merit, you know, a comparative priority listing when you journal. So that would. That would tie directly into what I just spoke about from the context of paralimal simplicity. Because if you simplify and distill the. The overwhelm is. Is minimized to whatever extent that helps, then the letting go, because you. If you let go of what is going on and what's grabbing you and holding you tight, then you open up to the potential of, okay, I'm releasing this. Do I need to pick it back up again or do I need to put it back in the backpack to carry around overcoming overwhelm. That's a good one for when you're feeling overwhelmed. Focus and concentration is good if you're finding that you're so diversified and there's so much.

Discordant stuff going on that you really need to hone in. You know, just. Just for now, I need to hone in on this. It's like, I'm not going to forget these other things. In fact, you can reassure your other unconscious. I've journaled them. They're written down. But I need to work on this right now. And then. Fresh start. Fresh start is always good for reminding you that there's. There's always an opportunity for a new beginning. And when you're in the morass and you feel like you're just getting sucked into the mud because there's so much pulling at you, it can be really hard to remember that. But you are not alone. I understand where you're coming from. And it's not a bottomless pit. It is not a bottomless pit, but it's a. It's one where you just have to keep removing, keep removing, keep removing. And you will. You will find the bottom of it, there is an end. So just want to reassure you and those, those are the ones I would probably start with. We had a message from Lorna. I have a 32 year old son who has been amazingly challenging. I may need to take legal action because he's becoming violent. What to do? What would help? How do I cope? Oh, Lorna, my heart goes out to you.

You can never know what another person's journey is. And I don't know what your son's, why he was brought into your life. Clearly you've been very patient with him. For him to be 32 years old and you're still, I mean you never, you never give up parenthood. I think I had mentioned I had one son who was pretty challenging. And you know, I've always been a fan of Khalil Gibran's thought that the two things you want to give your kids are roots and wings. But you got to be careful not to let them fly when they're ready to fly. And I don't know what his path is. That's one of the reasons that I always, when I'm, when I'm working, if I'm using something like positive relationships and I'm hoping to improve a relationship with someone, I always add for the highest good of all, to whatever extent you can trust that his journey is his journey and he is meant to learn the lessons from the road he's going down. I, I know it's tough. It's, it's. I mean, I was, I held my son culpable, but it was really hard to keep holding him responsible. And one of the books the therapist we were seeing gave me was Tough Love. And you know, you might benefit from that. It's. If you don't, if you don't hold the line and pay attention, you. It's almost like you're a, you're a, you're creating a codependent relationship and you've got to protect yourself because you can't help anybody if you don't protect yourself. So, you know, respect that, respect the journey. But, but at the same time, anything that supports you. So self esteem, supercharger, self love, you deserve it. Anything that supports you and helps you to nurture yourself and care for yourself and you could use positive relationships with, with the intent. I mean, you can't control somebody else's behavior, but you control your reaction. So if you're not.

If you're not reverberating to what he's doing or whatever is going on, it may be that he will. He will lose the avid interest in getting your goat and in trying to get you going. It is such a tough job and it's. I wish I could hug you. You need a hug. So.

Parenthood is an incredibly rewarding experience, but it's incredibly challenging. And I have to say, I have grown so much from parenthood in ways that I never would have because other relationships, you walk away. You can't walk away from a child. Doesn't matter what they do. And you know, whatever you can do to reinforce your son, remind him it's the behavior. It's not him. He is not at core bad. It's just. It's a behavior. It's. It's the violence, it's the, the hurting component. It's the, the lack of love, the lack of respect, the lack of, of, of being compassionate and reverent of human life and the human capacity. Have courage. Have courage and self love, self esteem, supercharger belief. If you're doubting your own capacities and you know you deserve it, anything, anything that makes you feel stronger and, and supports you because it's, it's a tough job. But take care of yourself. Take care of yourself because you never know. If you don't, it may be that the violence explodes in a way that is irreversible for someone else if not you. So trust, trust, trust, trust, trust, trust. And I know it's hard. I know how hard it can be. So.

You know, another thing that might help you is to remember. Remember when I talked about Jerry Jampolsky and there's in an earlier.

Q and A and his feeling, there's two emotions, fear and love. If you have a picture of your son when he's younger, put it up and remember, that kid still resides in him. So have compassion for that kid. Be as tender and protective as you can of that child as a human being. But the human doing is what. What the human doing is doing is not okay. And, and you need to take a stand. And it's for his protection as well as yours. So lots of love to you and, and good luck on that. Lots and lots and lots of love. So that is it for today. We just have those two. And then Hardin, if you can resubmit your questions. I don't know whether it didn't lock in or what happened, but as I say, there were two entries within a couple minutes of each other, but there was no question attached, so. So if you don't already have a journal, get a really nice one. I like to have really nice pictures. And, you know, if you're. If you're uncomfortable doing this and you feel like it's too permanent, you get a spiral bound and just check the pages every now and then. But one of the things you'll notice if you do keep a journal is when you go to throw them and you flip through a few pages. One of the things I've understood is how some patterns have recurred and also how much I have grown. Because you forget. You forget who you were. Like Ernie, he had forgotten that first conversation. Oh, my gosh, I got my work cut out for me. He had completely forgotten that he was a different human being. And so it also reinforces your. Your faith in yourself that you are growing, you are moving forward, you are evolving, and you're. You're being the change you want to see. And that's. That's the best all of us can hope for. So you take care, lots of love, and we will talk again next week. Bye.