Q&A: Self Acceptance

Hello and welcome to today's coaching Q and A session. I'm Wendy Greer with mindtracks and learning strategies. And today I was going to address the topic of self acceptance and self responsibility. I realized when I was going through these topics that I probably should. We might need to divide this into two sessions because these are such crucial parts of using a parallel effectively or using any personal course effectively or living a life that is fulfilling your potential and everything you are capable of doing. So self acceptance is basically an active and proactive state of care and support of and for yourself. It's honoring who you are, the gifts you bring, and honoring the progress the, the, the, the events you're going through and seeing them as a, an opportunity rather than something that's wrong. A lot of us internalize this belief that there's something inadequate about us, that we're not sufficient, that we don't have the capacities we need to, to do what needs to be done or what we deem needs to be done. And we don't challenge those. I deal with a lot of older people that, that are, are living based on things they internalized at a very young age and they keep beating themselves up. They're. They're focusing on what they, they feel they don't do well or they do inadequately or somehow that they're not okay. And so it's, it's a really tough conundrum because you're beating yourself up from inside for something that came from outside. And until you can accept where you're at and that you, who you are and where you are now, it's. You invest all this energy and resistance and it's energy that could be put to so much better use by looking at what's going on, accepting what's happening and then seeing what you could, you could, you could have done differently. I've mentioned earlier that what I love about Paul's work is he's such a master wordsmith. The artfully vague language he uses to get you, you know, on your, on your path for change and then sort of nudges you in the right direction. But the other thing I really recognized when I started doing my NLP training, neuro linguistic programming is how our languaging creates the world we experience. And I started really paying attention not only to the way other people were talking and the customers I talked to, but also to what I said to myself sometimes. And it was, oh my goodness, this, this is not so. This is not what I want to be fulfilling. This is not the road I want to be going down. One of the things that really jumped out at me a couple of times with customers that were sort of very, very stuck was how often they said, should I should have done this, I should be doing that. I should be taking care of this business that's out there in the future. And should. I wish we could delete that word from the English language. It's so constrictive, it's so binding, it shuts you down. And even the simple semantics of changing from I should to I could because look at the possibilities there should is I'm not doing this right. I'm doing a poor job. It's not okay. I can't endorse this. This is not. This is not okay. So I could. Is there's a possibility I could do it differently. There's a, there's a. I could do this. I could, I could finish that report today and turn it in and I'd be, I'd have that off my plate. I could, you know, any number of possibilities or even you take it one notch more, I, I get to, I get to finish that report and finish it, do a great job and turn it in and then it's off my plate. So I think it's really important that we pay attention to how we're speaking to ourselves. It's really important that we recognize the negativities. It's not like we're glossing them over the negatives, but we acknowledge them as transitory. They're not permanent. And what happens when we don't examine them is they become almost like they define who we are, we are that. And there's something wrong with us. There's something, there's something irresponsible about us. There's something inadequate, there's something that isn't right about us. And that is a horrible place to come from. And we think they're true. Capital T true. That they are true and they are going to be so. And when we reset our compass to self acceptance, we, we step fully into our competence. It's like, okay, I'm doing this and it doesn't seem to be serving me. I need to decide how I'm going to do this differently. And what you do when you sort of accept where you're at and where you're coming from is you take needing approval of others or permission from others off the plate. And so you're less susceptible to the ups and downs. Because if you're constantly trying to please other people and you know this is a common conundrum, I think for those of us that are.

On a path of empowerment and self improvement and whatever that means or looks like for you, we hold ourselves to a very high standard and we hold ourselves accountable. And there's nothing wrong with accountability, but do it as you would a best friend. Do it with compassion, do it with love, do it with acceptance, that it's part of a process and, and we're all here to learn. And that's how you learn by, by making mistakes, assessing what's going on, seeing what, what is happening, and then doing it differently. One of the things I became very aware of with our 4 elements manifestation course that we did with Brian Osborne is you have these traits, these, these skill sets, these qualities, and you put them on a black mirror or a white mirror. Black mirror being something that's contracted, it's, it's not getting you where you want to go. A white mirror is expansive, illuminating. It's moving you forward. A lot of the traits that people put on their black mirrors, it was just the amount of what, of what they were doing. Like if they were very passionate to the point where they got angry and ticked off at other people, that's passion gone a little bit awry. But that passion dialed in might be that they were so enthused about what they were doing and then dialed down a little more. It might be that they were illuminating the path rather than, you know, lasering the path and destroying whatever, whatever was in their way. So it's a tempering, it's, it's a shifting of, of perspective and a shifting of intensity so that your, your traits that you're judging as not okay are actually probably some of your gifts. You just need to learn to, to accept them as they are, see how you might modify them and what might move you forward. One of the, the things that seems to fit perfectly with self acceptance is if you have a destination that you're trying to get to and you have a map and you know that the destination is in the upper right corner, but you have no idea where you are on the map, you could, you could, you could spin in 360 and never be able to figure it out. But if you have a you are here dot on your map, you know you're down here, you know you're trying to get there, and you can, you can discern which direction you want to point. So from translating that into parallel, you know, verbiage or parameters, you know what you want, you know where you're trying to get to, you know, the skill sets, you have, because you're accepting where you're at right here, right now, as it is, with no judgment, just this is what's happening. You can discern how you need to adjust your gps. You can shift what, what you're doing, you can temper it, you can, you can sort of move forward and, and as you're, because you can, your compass is set to self acceptance. You know where you're at, you know where you're trying to go. And those two together, you, you eventually reach your destination because they connect. So that's why self acceptance is so important. Another thing that is a little bit esoteric, but I'd like to bring this up because it's so potent, is I did extensive work with a meditation teacher who was very clear on the idea that if you.

If you aren't in a state of self acceptance, you've got a negativity, you've got a contraction, you've got a.

A frequency that isn't conducive to more expanded states. You may be able to access higher states and frequencies, but you're going to slip back down into the lower ones because you're trying to drag in contracted energies into that higher state. So you may be able to view the eagle eye and you, you get the bigger picture. But then because you're judging yourself, you're shooting on yourself, you aren't able to stay there. So not only do you, do you tend to flip back, but there's a lot of up and down. You know, you're trying to please other people. You're not standing in your own power. You're not.

Completely saying, this is what's happening. There's no denying this. This is what's happening. What am I going to do about it? Anybody who knows me knows I love synchronicities. And I was sort of working out some bullet points for talking about this, and I got an email from Denise Lynn, who's a teacher I've tracked with for many, many years, and she was talking about the power of affirmations. But her, the concept she was expressing was that you need, if you're using affirmations, you need to.

Have some concept of where you're at now so that you can fulfill that affirmation as you proceed down your path. Well, I love the analogy she used because it was, you may have a garden that's completely full of dandelions or weeds, whatever your common weed is in your area. And you can say, there are no weeds, there are no weeds, there are no weeds, there are no weeds. Until you're blue in the face. The weeds will still be there. However, if you acknowledge the weeds are there you go. I really want a rose bed there. So I'm going to take all the weeds out of that area and I'm going to plant roses. That's a perfect analogy for what you're doing when you're in self acceptance. You're accepting there are some weeds, there are some things I need to temper. There may be some traits and qualities that I'm going to need to engender to get to that point on the map. But I know where I am now. I know what, what is serving me. I know what might be not moving me in that direction. I need to adjust. And so what I'm saying is basically it puts you in the driver's seat. Self acceptance is so incredibly powerful. And I just, I, it just is, is so potent. The two parallel I would definitely look at for this topic are you deserve it, which is great. I gratefully receive life's abundant gifts. We did this with Lisa Nichols and she, she's a real powerhouse. She's a great storyteller. She's got a wonderful sense of humor. And what I love about her is she's so grounded and you know, being one of the people that works here, where the rubber hits the road, I really appreciate people that cut to the chase, that live in the real world and that really set it out and you deserve it. Is, is really about your, your inherent worthiness. You don't need to earn it. There's, there's, you don't have to pay your dues. You deserve it. And if you can acknowledge that you're, you're well on the road. The other one that I chose would be self love. That replaced the, the.

The subtitle for that one is replace judgment and criticism with acceptance and kindness. And that's what I'm saying. Just be, just be accepting and kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend. A lot of people, they treat themselves in a way that a friend would walk off. They would say, no, I'm done. I can't deal with this. Treat yourself like your best friend and then you'll be good. So I think we're probably going to separate this into two segments because I got a little ambitious. Self responsibility, though, is an immediate tag on to self acceptance. Because when you step into self acceptance, self responsibility is hand in hand with that. And when you take 100% responsibility for what you're thinking, what you're, what you're feeling, what you're doing everything shifts. So. But we did have some questions this, this week and so I really wanted to take some time to spend on those. So. And speaking of synchronicities, I just couldn't believe it when I saw the first one. How do you start integrating self compassion and kindness to yourself when you keep self sabotaging yourself? Don't you just love it? I mean, what are the chances? So basically the two I mentioned, you deserve it and self love. Sometimes you're going to want to sort of finesse that. You know, it depends on whether you sabotage in a particular area. So if there's a particular area, like say you have some relationships that are pretty challenging, then you might be doing positive relationships.

If you're feeling it's really broad scope and you might want to try self esteem Supercharger, because that one is really about honoring yourself in every way possible. Joy. I get some really good feedback from people because that one is very.

It sort of tunes you into an innate, joyous, youthful state. In fact, youthful vitality would be another one. Boy, I could go on here. But basically.

Trust the journey. And that's another thing self acceptance is, it's about trusting. You know, I saw a comment the other day, I wish I could remember who it was, but it was basically that.

Growth is a, is, is a dance, not a light switch. And you know, we're sort of a, a society that expects, you know, immediate results. It is a dance. It is a dance and it's an unfolding, it's an evolvement. And so it's a profound, it's very profound the work you're doing, but it is an instant. And so you don't, don't feel like you're alone, you know, in, in self sabotage because a lot of us do it and it's, it's a challenge. And some people are so used to sabotaging themselves that they get really uncomfortable when they, when they sense kindness coming from their own heart to themselves. It's almost like a, you know, a narcissistic feeling of narcissism. But it's a healthy narcissism. It's okay, I made a mistake. I acknowledge that now. What am I going to do about it? It's, it's a, it's a loving and giving yourself the opportunity you would to a good friend. So I really think that it's important to remember that this is, this is a journey. This is, this is. And you know, if we were, if we were already there, we'd have reached our destination. But all of life is, is a growth. It's an evolvement. It's a, it's a moving forward, you know, taking what we've been given and finding the opportunities in it and, and then moving forward. So second question. How to get creative with crafting intention before listening to a parallel. Okay, Creativity supercharger parallel is a great one. I would definitely consider using for that the, the miracle mindset. That would probably also be good. You know, I'm not sure why you feel like you're not as creative as you could be. Another one that, that doesn't get a lot of attention that I really like is finding treasure because we have so many buried.

Qualities and skill sets and things we're just not accessing. And even though the, the, the subtitle for that one, I have, I have a complete list of the paranormal. So when I'm talking to a customer, I can pick the one that I think is going to be. Suit them best. But.

Finding treasures. Expect abundance around every corner. And that can be an abundance of relationships, could be an abundance of creativity, could be an abundance of anything you want more of in your life. One other exercise I just sort of like to throw out there is that miracle question that I mentioned in one of the earlier coaching calls. The person that wants to be more creative. If you went to bed tonight and, and, and a miracle happened and you woke up tomorrow morning and your goal, whatever it may be, had, had manifested, how would you know? Because that really tunes you into how it's going to feel, how it's going to look. What, what the whole, the whole. It's a very multidimensional perspective on whatever it is you're looking for more creativity around. So it may be that, that might jiggle loose some pieces that you then could take to creativity Supercharger. So that would be my thoughts on that. Ah, let's see. Anxiety free. I tried it and it asked me to think of a time I was confident and I couldn't. And I'm usually unable to think of situations in which I have to bring up a feeling. So what should I do? And is there another parallel I can use instead? That's easier that one. I would probably go to deep relaxation because when you are, when you are relaxed and you're, you're sort of tuning in and your, your, your relaxing your body and you're relaxing into who and what you are and into the moment, the anxiety is just naturally going to abate.

The other thing you might try is modeling if there's a movie star Or a character in a book, it's borrowed genius basically. But you, if there's somebody that is very calm, very easygoing, what would be the skill sets and the qualities and the mindsets they might have and sort of imagine yourself emoting and expressing and living those because it sort of acclimates you to something that's, that's challenging for you. But, but you bring it in as a, from a, from another party and it, you, it, you can integrate, you can integrate that way and you can really get a sense of the potential. And it, it's an, it's an inside job because you're doing it, you're just bringing in, you're modeling their behavior. So you're shifting the way you're perceiving it and that can be pretty effective. But definitely try the deep relaxation and even a couple of conscious breaths. Another thing that Paul talks about a lot is how your body posture can impact the way you anticipate yourself. And anxiety is usually there's fear. There will tend to be a coming forward, punching in on yourself. And so if you can just sort of pick your shoulders up and roll them back, just sort of stand and stand in your space, stand in your power, even that will abate anxiety on the spirit spot. But from a, from the perspective of the parallel, I would definitely consider the deep relaxation.

Is the option. Oh, is the option for custom parallel still available? Checked on that and we're hoping to have customization available in mindtrax within the year. You'll love what we're planning. I wanted to just address that real quickly. I got a chance to record self discipline and I was, my voice was the change work and I was a guinea pig. I just wanted to see where it would go. I thought I'd be embarrassed. I thought it would be horrible to hear my voice on a paraliminal. But I tell you what, you know, the, the change, the script is written out for you. You are reiterating to yourself. Paul's artfully vague but totally positive and, and, and forward movement oriented verbiage.

I was shocked how. Because I, I thought, I really thought it would make me uncomfortable. But it was, it was amazing. It was such a great experience and it's one of the ones I visit pretty regularly. It gives you sort of a personal connection. And so yeah, I'm hoping we're able to pursue that because that's a powerhouse for me. And I, you know, I think it's like, like any. You record meditation or affirmations in your own voice, you know, that can be helpful as well. So anyway, so I think we're going to wind this up for today. So I think we'll do self responsibility next time. As always, we send you lots of love, all of us here at mindtrax and I will talk to you next week and we'll talk about self responsibility and how, how that can benefit you. You take care and have a wonderful, wonderful rest of.

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