Q&A: Self-Love

Hello and welcome to today's Q and A session. I'm Wendy Greer with learning strategies and mind tracks. And today I was going to lead in with a little discussion on the importance of self love. And then we did have quite a few questions. So I'll address those at the end. I want to clarify what I mean by self love. A lot of people tend to connect self love with sort of an arrogance or a vanity. And that's not what I'm talking about. Those are usually coming from fear. And anybody who is very arrogant or who is very egocentric tends to be stuck in the ego. And.

There'S a fear underneath of not being good enough, not being worthy, not being esteemed, not being regarded in a good way. So what I'm talking about is replacing that.

Along with the judgment and the criticism. And a lot of us that are on this path of improving who we are and stepping into our full potential, we tend to be pretty. We hold ourselves to a pretty high standard. I have to raise my hand too. And what we want to do is modify that so we accept ourselves and are kind and compassionate and loving to ourselves. Almost like becoming your own best friend. And that's one of the questions I sometimes ask myself. Would you ever consider treating a friend the way you treat yourself? And the answer is no. So what we really want to do is embrace ourselves and be, be open and be supportive. And it doesn't mean we're not holding ourselves accountable. You know, we talked about self acceptance and self responsibility earlier. But it means that you're here on life to learn, to evolve, to open up to all the potential that you bring with you. And there's going to be some. You're going to make some mistakes. There's going to be some things that you'd rather you had done differently. But that doesn't mean that at core you're bad, quote unquote. It just means you need to tweak something. So I'm a big fan of Louise Hayes. I think I alluded to her earlier in this series. She did this great book called heal your body and it's known as the little blue book. She was one of the first people to notice that certain mindsets, certain feeling states tended to engender certain kinds of dis. Ease in the body or psychologically. And she started collating those. And so she did this really great little book. She was a very well known coach, counselor, and one of the things she said wrote this really great book. In fact, I was, I pulled it out so I could show You. It's called you can heal your life. And she takes you through what she does in a coaching session. Well, Warren, as you can tell, it's a great book. Anyway, one of the things she said is the bottom line with everyone she's coached is, I'm not good enough. And, you know, she was doing this for many, many years and just an incredibly wise woman. So no matter what the problem seemed to be for her, the only thing she ever worked on at base was loving the self. And one of the exercises she had people do, and I want to encourage you to do this, is she called it the mirrors exercise. And basically every time you pass a mirror and at first you're going to do it purposefully at a certain. When you wake up in the morning before you go to bed at night, when you go take a break and go to the bathroom, you look yourself in the eye and you go, wendy, I love you. And you put your name in. Or you can just say, I love you. I love you. But you're looking right in your eyes. You're looking in your eyes and you're telling yourself how much you love yourself. I could not believe how uncomfortable that made me. It is incredibly. I mean, I almost felt myself tearing up because it felt so uncomfortable, but at the same time that I immediately recognized the power in it. Just a simple, I love you, and I want to share something that was really touching for me in my own life. I have the good fortune to have some grandkids, and the first one named William was. Was born to the son who lives in town. So from a very early age, I was watching him once a week when I wasn't in the office, and he had just started crawling. And we were doing some painting in the house, and we had this big mirror above our dining table that we had moved down to the floor. And I knew it was secure, but I keep an eye on him because, you know, when they're young, their capacities evolve so quickly. And he was crawling at a pretty good pace. And so I was watching him, and he passed the mirror, and then he realized he'd seen something moving. And he. He backed himself up as he was crawling, and he looked in the mirror and this big smile came on his face. And he. He's sitting there, and then he reached out and he touched it and he pulled it back. And then he started giggling. Now, if you've ever been around a toddler that giggles, it's so hard not to giggle. But he was so overjoyed to see himself in that mirror. And it was, it was, oh, I just filled my heart and I thought, oh my gosh, if the whole world would do that, if the whole world could look in the mirror and do that, be so joy filled just to seeing their image in the mirror, this would be a different world. This would be a really different world. So it was just such a touching thing for me and to recognize that's our innate state of loving ourselves, being fascinated by ourselves, being willing to reach out and touch ourselves and laugh at ourselves and just totally bubble up with joy. So it was, it was a phenomenal experience. I do want to mention too, Lisa Nichols did a course called no Matter what. And she had what she called inspired actions. And one of the first ones she brought up was again, mirror work. And again, you would say your name, but you would look in the mirror and it might be when you had done something you were, you were not too sure was in, in the best interest of those involved. And her three statements are, I'm proud that you, Wendy, whatever your name is, did this. I'm proud that you did that. I'm, I forgive you for is the second. So I'm proud that you, I forgive you for blowing your top with, you know, in the staff meeting. You know, I forgive you for that. And then I commit to you that, I commit to you that this is the way I'm going to handle that in the future. And her whole take on this was that you're, you're, you're looking in the mirror, you're, you're embracing yourself, you're allowing yourself to be what you are to, to, to make mistakes, to move forward to learn, and then you commit to change. And, and what her basic take was, that, that really sort of raises your integrity bar. It's, it's, it's, you're committing to what you know is, is, is an appropriate way to move forward. It's like you're coaching yourself and you're reminding yourself of, of your potential, that you're here to learn. I think it was Guy Finley that said, if you ever wonder whether you, you've done what you came here to do, if you're still alive, you haven't finished it yet. And so, you know, basically it's, it's all a learning opportunity. And, and there's no need to beat yourself up. If you make a mistake, you know, you, you, you adjust what you do. You apologize to the parties involved, you, you forgive yourself, you forgive them and you move on and you step and, and you, you maintain that sense of love. Of keeping, keeping yourself intact, of getting that you're, you're already perfect, whole and complete. You going to make some mistakes. We all do. So, you know, it's so easy to go down that judgment road, that demeaning, that, you know, disrespect and, and, but why not the reverse? Why would it be any harder to go with love, compassion and being positive? So that's, that's what the self love is about. Just committing to that positivity to being your own best friend, to supporting yourself, to, to really embracing all of it, even the things that, that you would choose to do differently because you will next time or the time after or the time after you, you can push the reset button on chances to, to do it differently as many times as you want. So I'm sure. You know what, Paralimal would be my first one. I would probably choose. It's one of the newer ones, the self love. I was so thrilled when we released that because you know, I have talked to so many people whose worthiness and self esteem and self. So their estimation of their, their value is so low. And so the self love, I was just ecstatic when that came out because the, the, the subtitle on that one is uncomplicate your life or I'm sorry, replace judgment and criticism with acceptance and kindness. And you know what, that would be what you would expect of a friend. They would listen, they would commiserate, they might point out some things that, you know, you could have done differently, but they're not going to beat you up for it. They're going to support you. Another one that I like for this topic is joy. And I think it's, you know, it's like my grandson sitting there in such a state of joy, just appreciating who he was and that he was here and his smile and that he was able to touch himself in the mirror. So that one I think would also be good. You know, there are so many, like I, as I've said multiple times parallel are so phenomenal because there's so many can use, so many you can use for this, for different aspects of the same, you know, presenting factor and the, the, the loving, the self that is a core. If Louise Hay found that to be true, you can pretty much bet that 99.999% of the population is probably in that boat. So anyway, the other, another one that I'd like to bring up is self esteem supercharger. The reason I like that one is because it tends to calm your inner critic. It's definitely comes from an approach of dealing with that, that criticism, that nagging. Yeah, but I could have done that or I could have, you know, so that one is good for that and the other one that I like and I think this comes to respecting yourself is second, self discipline. And what I have noticed is that people that have a discipline that they do regularly, like if you're doing your paralympials in the morning, you're meditating at night, there's a certain respect that comes from committing to something like that and following through. And I think self discipline really engenders that. So that's another one that I would, I would embrace for self love and really allowing yourself to be what you are, but stepping into further potentials and you know, there's infinite possibilities around us all the time. So self discipline helps you to sort of harness those and bring them into your own sphere of activity and feeling and thought. So that'll be another one. We had quite a few questions this time, which is exciting. So I was going to work through those. We did have a lot of technical questions and we. This isn't the venue for technical answers and I'm not your person for it either. Not my, not my strong point. But if you can email those to take the technical questions to customer service, mindtracks, mindtrx.com, they'll be happy to help you. We have some people that just live and breathe this, the technical aspects and they're great. So I would really encourage you to do that with any of the technical questions. So I'm going to start with the questions that came in. Please make a parallel. Specifically for those with a long term caregiving road, please consider the topic of ambiguous loss. My husband has young onset dementia. His heart beats, but he's no longer here cognitively. Lorene, lots of love to you. Laureen, That's a tough, tough job. Two words for you, self care. And I'm going to add a third one from Cheryl Richardson, Extreme self care.

That oxygen mask. Put yours on first. Is so true for caregivers. I had to do that briefly just for a month and a half. I was hoping it would be longer, but it wasn't. And the way it consumes you and it becomes all encompassing. I mean, I was shoving my kids off on anybody I could. I was just trying to be there and do the right thing and it just, I lost myself and even in six weeks. And so for a younger person like this, it's just got to be devastating for you. So I, I also want to recommend a book. Cheryl Richardson is a really great life coach and she, she wrote a book called Extreme Self Care. And it deals specifically with, you know, people that are over. They, they, they're in that role. I have passed your suggestion on to product development, by the way, already, so I want you follow through on that. But one of her things is an absolute yes list. And it's, it's a list of the things that you know will lift you up, that will fill you, that will.

Nurture you and, and make you, make you.

More able to fill the role, but also without depleting yourself. And I guess that's, that's what I'm trying to say. So the, the absolute yes list is just a great tool because at the end of the day you go, did I meditate? Did I, did I get out for 15 minutes? And I, and I appreciate the fact this may be tough for you, but, you know, when push comes to shove, people are almost always willing to step up to the plate. And I know it's hard to ask for help because I'm one of those two. If I can do it myself and I can do it right, I should do it. But the situation you're in, I would really, really encourage you to.

Have an absolute yes list and then find a way to fulfill that because I think you'll find it's really beneficial.

The one I just alluded to, self discipline would probably be good for you because it helps you to stick to following through on that absolute yes list. The things that are important to you. And you know, it might be, it might be the deep relaxation, Paralympical, it might be self esteem, supercharged, it might be joy. But I was going to suggest as well, gratitude. Even though it's a, it's a, it's a, a tough situation you're in to be grateful that you're there to do it. I mean, the work you're doing is so important and I'm so cognizant of that. So thank you for that. Fresh start is really good when you're feeling sort of stuck and you, and you need a reminder that every second is an opportunity to start again. So that would be another one. And probably you deserve it too. I would probably take a look at that. If you're doubting, you know that you should take, should take the time for yourself, the you deserve. It would reinforce the aspect that you deserve and embrace.

That commitment to do something for yourself. So not only for you, but because of what you're doing, it will help you to do that. Even more effectively and wholeheartedly. But hats off to you. That is a tough, tough job.

Big hug. Big hug. I wish you were here so I could give you a real one. Yeah.

Okay. This one I'm not positive I understand the question. How do I fireworks my abundance life.

If the question is, you know, how do you kick your, your, your wealth orientation into gear? How do you embrace having, having wealth, having abundance, then you know, the abundant money mindset, living the law of attraction. There's a lot of the paralyminals that orient around.

Wealth motivator. That'd be another good one. So there's a lot of possibilities if that's what you're asking. I think that was what you're asking, but I'm not positive. So you might have to send me some clarification for next week on that one.

I have the privilege to be able to earn more in one of my freelance tasks and I struggle to do what it takes in order to receive my payment. Thanks, Beatrice. Reading between the lines there, it sounds like you, you don't step up to the plate and say I did the job, you need to pay me. Is that, I think that's what's being said there. The self esteem supercharger would be really good because you deserve to be paid. You did a job, you did it well and you deserve to be paid. Belief, belief. Because you, you, you may believe that you aren't worthy of, of that payment. So belief around the, the basis of I did the work, I, I did what was asked, I did, I went above and beyond and I believe I deserve to be paid. And another one that popped into my head with that is talking to win. A lot of salespeople use that because it's about really presenting in a very with a lot of conviction but not doing it in a ram it down your throat type of way. So talking to win might be good as well. So I would, I would definitely take a look at those three for that.

What combo should I use to work on my anxiety and overthinking? I do sessions in the morning and evenings because I have the time. It's the afternoons when I need a boost, but short on time.

I don't know if the anxiety is overpowering you in the afternoon, then I would probably use anxiety free. But what I might build in is that anxiety free is a state you are seeking throughout your day. Because if it's happening regularly at the same time, then you might want to just add throughout the day. I will be in a state of flow. I'll be in a state of high energy and I will be competent throughout the day and into the evening as I need to be.

That's probably where I would go with that one.

You know, you might.

No, I think, I think I'll. I think I'll leave that there. I mean I need a boost but short on time. You might try 10 minute supercharger but I'm not clear whether the anxiety is just wearing you out or whether you've got an energy drop. So you, you're anxious and you overthink and you sort of wear yourself out and then by, you know, the afternoon you're sort of wiped out. So if it's a burnout thing, you know, you might do well the 10 minute supercharger. So that would be my immediate thoughts on that. But if you. Again if you clarify exactly what's going on, we could probably finesse that.

What paraliminals are best for maintaining a balance in your life between focused work and or creative thinking sessions and physical movement for health and exercise. Question is from someone who does most everything best in a very focused and detailed state with minimal interruptions and may let four hours go before getting up for a break.

Comes back to self care. I think if you can work for three or four hours and maintain your focus but it sounds like you're feeling imbalanced, like the scale is see sign. So.

I would probably go to self care. Again, the self discipline I mentioned where you commit that I'm going to take a, you know, a 15 minute break to, you know, I don't know if your workout room's at home but go do 20 reps on a few of the machines or, or I'm going to take a break and I don't know what your creativity is but if it's painting or you say creative thinking sessions. So I'm not sure. So it may just be you want to be more creative. You might take a break and do creativity supercharger. There's so many answers to that depending on exactly what's going on.

Maybe useful vitality too because youthful vitality is, is about really being full of that vim and vigor and that, that optimism, that openness to the world. And that tends to be a very creative state. So maybe youthful vitality would be a good one to pull in. Let us know what works. Like to know. I'm wondering what would be best to use. I'm struggling with staying in a good state. I find by 1 to 2pm I start to feel sadness. My gale. My goal is to Move out of that state so I can receive more. Good.

The fact that is showing up regularly and it sounds like it's when you're fatigued sounds to me as if there's something that needs to be listened to, something that needs to be processed. So, I mean, for the immediate issue, I would probably suggest 10 minutes supercharger. But I think you may need to explore that sadness. The fact it's recurring, the fact it's showing up and you know, when you're sort of fatigued is when you might be more open to that bubbling up. And so it may be something that's asking to be looked at. That repetitive nature of it would make me suspect that you might try letting go around the whole concept of the sadness. Because the letting go is a welcoming, triple welcoming. I think I had mentioned that before. So you're welcoming that state. So bring in that state of sadness and see what comes up.

It sounds like there's something unprocessed, something that. That needs to be, that needs. There's. There's some kind of either wisdom or growth or something there that's coming to the top, coming to the top, coming to the top. Until. And until you look at it, it will probably persist. So I. The letting go might be a good idea. Experiment with that one and see where it goes and. And you know, reassure your. Other than conscious mind. There's a sadness here. I'd like to understand it. I know the thing to remember about sadness, even when it's intense, is it is not a bottomless lake. It there is. There is a bottom. So sometimes that welcoming or sort of diving into it, if you allow it to be and to flow through you and around you, you'll get what's going on beneath the surface there. And when you can embrace it, you stop resisting all the energy that you're probably wasting in the sadness, the sad state that's beneath the surface there will then become available for positivity, for. For moving forward, for. For vitality and, you know, dynamic good health or whatever it is you're seeking. So that's probably where I would go with that one. I love this one. I am so sorry, but I don't particularly enjoy the music. I guess that I would get used to it. So what's it supposed to actually do? I think the intent with the music is there's a break between your pragmatic, everyday conscious mind state and slipping, you know, getting into state, you know, with the counting and the. And the moving out of the beta brainwaves into the alpha at least. So I would probably build into your intention, you know, something along. I embrace this music as.

A bridge to a more relaxed, creative, open state so I can process the change, work and turn it into a positive. You know, sometimes things are foreign or, you know, there's a couple of them where the rhythm seems sort of wrong to me, but you know, I just let it be what it was and it was, it was a little too energizing for me. A couple of them, the original music. But when you just allow it to be there and don't make it, you know it, you know, what you focus on, you get more of, well, if you're focusing on the music, you're going to get more and more aggravated. So just embrace it, build into the intention. You know, the music is a segue into a relaxed, open, creative state. I allow it to be there and I process it that way and don't give it more power. That, that would be my suggestion there.

I have the opportunity to earn a trip to Ireland next year. That sounds like a blast. What things should I do to make this happen.

That could there. I'm not. There are two questions inherent there. One might be whether you believe you can earn the trip and the other might be how, how you're going to earn the trip. So let me, let me address the first one. You have the opportunity to earn a trip to Ireland. You need to you for that. I would embrace the trip. Imagine it, start, you could even start a vision board, start ripping pictures out, get a travel or get, get a, you know, a tour guide or something and rip out pictures of Ireland. Put it up. What would it be like to be there? You know, what am I going to do? You know what, what are my areas of interest? Should I be reading some Irish history? So build it into a tangible, visceral kinesthetic experience and then see if there's any yes buts. Because if you're questioning your ability to do it, you need to address those yes buts. Those would be, well, yeah, but I'll never, I'll never, I'll never earn it. It's not going to happen. And you know, who am I to go to Ireland? Well, you need to take those yes buts to belief or self esteem supercharge or whatever seems most appropriate. Now the other way this thing, this question could mean is, you know, what things should I do to make this happen? If you're questioning if you're in sales and the trip is the result of a sales goal, then I would go down a different route. So for that I would probably be talking about sales leap, talking to win, instantaneous personal magnetism. And those are all good because they, they put you in a very charismatic, very.

An area where you come across with integrity and compassion. And so you, you become, you know, some people can be very hard nosed and they're, they almost turn people off the minute they open their mouth. But what you want to be doing is exuding confidence and charisma at the same time without being arrogant. So if that was what you were asking, if, if it's how you would do the job to get that, then, you know, build your, your skill set for, for the job you do. And depending on what it is, of course, there's any number of Paralympicals. My list is on the wall there, so I would just sort of, I'm not positive again what you mean, but even if you're doubting your capacities, work wise, putting up a vision board with Ireland and pictures of Ireland and Irish songs or Irish art or whatever it is you're going to want to do when you're in Ireland, build that into bigger than life and tune into it because like attracts like and you get more of what you focus on. So that would be a good thing to do for that. All right, I think that completes the primary questions for today. Just wanted to remind you to take good care of yourself, all of you, and treat yourself as if you are your own best friend. You know, respect, have respect and compassion. Remember, we're all in this journey together and have reverence for yourself. And you're, you know, you're, you're still here, you're still, you're still working it through. Hats off to you. And some of you have some tough roads to go. Thank you for that. Just take care of yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you, how much you love yourself. It can be amazingly powerful and, and love that person, Love that person, smile at that person, laugh at that person. So we are sending you lots of love from all of us here at mindtrax and we will see you next week. You take.