Q&A: Self Responsibility

Foreign.

Welcome to today's coaching Q and A call. I'm Wendy Greer with learning strategies and mind tracks. And today I'm going to pick up where I left off last time. I got a little overly ambitious, I think. I'm thinking we could talk about self acceptance and self responsibility. They're so, they're such kindred spirits. They really belong together and one leads to the other and it's a reciprocal relationship. But I want to start by sharing. I. I love synchronicities and I spoke about self acceptance last Wednesday. Thursday morning I go into my sunroom to have my morning cup of tea and I have a book in there, a journal that I keep notes in my current book. I'm reading, you know, any thoughts that I've found to be interesting or that are topics that I'm interested in or I think might help a customer I'm working with or whatever. And something fell out of the folder and the words on that piece of paper were, it's when we fully accept something that we increase our capacity to transform it. Talk about a confirmation about what we were talking about last week about self acceptance. I just thought that was just so awesome. And, you know, that's something I'd like to mention. When you're using paralyminals, you need to pay attention to synchronicities because they will happen. I've had people have incredible experiences where one person was actually, they went into a Barnes and Noble and they were looking for an answer to some technical question and a book sticking out of a shelf. They were in the appropriate area, but a book was sticking out a couple of inches and as they walked toward it, the vibration on the floor made the book fall out and it was exactly the book they needed. I've had people overhear parts of conversations that answered questions, run into somebody they haven't seen in a while that's having a similar conundrum that can help them. So pay attention to synchronicities. When you're, when you're using paraliminals, they will happen. And the more you put yourself on that path, the more they will happen. So I just love that. But when we fully accept something, then we enable ourselves to transform it. So that said, self acceptance generally.

Well, I would say probably almost always leads to the self responsibility aspect because when you are accepting what's happening, you're seeing what's happening, you become more and more aware of what you're initiating. You start to see the cause and effect. And so you really start to understand the link between what you're thinking what you're feeling, what you're doing and what you're experiencing in your world. Because we're creating the world by what we're accepting and resisting. So.

It'S sometimes challenging, particularly when you're resisting, to get that link between I did this and this was the result. Self acceptance enables you to create the space and access all that energy you've been wasting on resistance, to actually see that link and see this is creating this. So if I change this to that, then I'm going to get a different reaction or a different result. So it's really enabling you to become free enough of preconceptions and resistance and resentments and judgments and whatever it is that's keeping you stuck. And you, you really step fully into right here, right now, this is what's going on. This is something I can do something about, and this is the moment I can do it. So it's really about present moment awareness and the power of the present moment, the power of now. So that's why this is such an incredibly important topic. And anybody who's in resistance and isn't accepting themselves, that's one of the first things to tackle. We believe self esteem, supercharger, self love, whatever, whatever engenders that acceptance of self. We're big fans of Albert Einstein here. He's sort of one of our people that we have lots of pictures of and like the way he approached the world. And one of the, one of the quotations that I've always enjoyed with him is the world as we have created. It is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. And that's what self responsibility is about. It's about acknowledging that we are 100% responsible for our thoughts, our feelings and our actions and what we create with them, good or bad, contracted or expanded, whatever it is that you, you choose those thoughts, those feelings and those actions. And even if you're constrained, you know, if you're phys. Constrained or there's somebody that has the power over you to restrict what you do. What goes on in here and what you're feeling here is totally your volition. And so that, that is incredibly empowering. And what it really does, it takes you out of victimhood, it takes you out of being a victim, to being, to being the victor because you recognize your power and your, your capacity to do something about what's happening.

This something that I think has become more important to me in what I do here over at least last five years and probably more than that. I'm seeing an increasing trend to narcissism. People being stuck in their own agendas, their own Persona, their egos and anything that isn't that is judged as not being okay. And in that narcissism there's a denial of.

Connection to other people and the, the relationship dynamics. And so they become isolated, they become sort of separate from everything and we lose that human compassion, that human connection. And this is extended into, into the blame. I mean, I can't believe how many people that the, the biggest battle you have with them is they're pointing their finger at everybody else and taking no responsibility. It's them, it's that situation, is that job, it's this, is that it's the other. And never recognizing that what they've got going on and is what's creating the world. They're perceiving that that, that is keep almost keeping them stuck because blaming the other people makes us dependent on them instead of stepping into our own power to do something about it. And that's why self responsibility is so freeing because it allows us to make the best of whatever situation it is. And instead of complaining, we get proactive. We're not on the receiving end anymore. We really energize and step into our own power, our own volition. And it just changes the world. And as we become, you know, kinder and more accepting and more compassionate to ourselves.

We embrace our power. We embrace who and what we are and what we're capable of. And so we're less susceptible to other people. We're less susceptible to needing their approval or needing to meet their expectations or having to do what they said we should do or must do or whatever the situation is. So, so it's really basically putting us back in the driver's seat. So you stop being a passenger in your own life and you step back into the driver's seat and you decide where you're going and how fast you're going to go and what car you're going to drive. And you get to decide on the whole kit and caboodle. So it's a really powerful place to be. I had a little trouble on this one, this topic with choosing a particular parallel because there's so many that are supportive of that. But I went with three self esteem Supercharger. The subtitle on that one is Gain profound confidence and feel great about yourself. You know, the way you feel about yourself has a ripple effect and it ripples out into the world. And you know, I think some people almost prey on people that Seem like they're less secure, they're less standing in their own power, they're more malleable, they're able to manipulate them more. So I think that is a really good one. The no matter what step into your greatness. That one is no matter what you are, who you are, what you've done, you have within you everything you need and you have, you are powerful beyond belief. Again, that's Lisa Nichols. She's just, she's just a really, really great lady. I really enjoy her and her teachings and her groundedness. She's, she's very viscerally.

Adaptable. She's. She really gets it on a gut level and then brings it in in a very big way. And then another one that I'm hearing great results with is one of our newer ones is Fearlessness, subtitled Vanquish Self Doubt and Live Courageously. And I think that's such a good summary of, of what self responsibility is. It's having the courage to step up to the plate, having the courage to do what you know is right. Having the courage to say, you know, you may think that's a good idea, but I don't, you know, here's, here's where I'm at. This is what I value and I'm going to live this. So it's really about stepping into your full potential and what you're here to do and be. And courageousness is a huge component of that. So the fearlessness I chose for that reason. So that's a brief thumbnail on the topic today. We did have some questions, which is awesome. So first one is can you suggest a parallel protocol for job search? I am re entering the workforce after many years and I'm finding the world has changed. And it's a rather discouraging process. I'm wondering how many times I should listen to self esteem supercharger talking to Win or any of them as I prepare to put myself out there for interviews, et cetera. Thank you so much. Loving the app. Great. Glad to hear that the two you've chosen are great. Frequency is very personal. So what I generally suggest is, you know, generally when you've used a parallel, you sort of absorbed a lot of the learning and the wisdom from it. You'll feel a shift. Shift. It's almost like it's. You sit down and you're comfortable in your skin and you're comfortable. You're so comfortable. It's like I've already got this, I've internalized it, I've integrated it. So. But that Being said, you know, if the interview is an issue and, and that you feel, you feel like you sort of get tongue twisted then talking to when you might do it the night before and the day of. And one of the things you can do is build into your intention for listening. I have an interview at 10 o' clock tomorrow and I'm just going to speak like a winner. I'm going to be so fluent and fluid and I'm going to come across as being confident without being arrogant. So you put it out there for, for when you, you're wanting to, to be in that space. So that's, that's a great thought. Self esteem supercharger. Clearly you know is, is, is anytime you feel good about yourself you're going to be more confident more, more, more able to, to be. To vocalize fluently and, and, and articulate and articulate. Well, there's a couple of others that I really like for situations where you're going to be on the spot instantaneous personal magnetism. Most people don't reach for that for that. But that is about being at your most charismatic and there's something about that one that sort of puts you in the space where you have an incredible confidence and clear self esteem but there's no arrogance to it. It's a compassionate, it's a compassionate surety. It's a certainty of your being who and what you are and that you are capable and competent and it really puts you in a good space. So I would think that one would be really good peak performance. Again we did that with Tom McCarthy. That one is being in the zone you need to be in at a specific time and place. So that would also be another one. Now with regard to the comment about the new world I understand completely. The world has shifted a lot over the last few years. The generator para liminals are really, really good for stuck states. The one that I would probably visit that's new action, new behavior, new history and new option. New option Generator would probably be the one I would choose for what you're describing because you want to look at this as here's an opportunity to grow. It's a different way of approaching things and I'm stepping into this. I'm willing to be flexible and malleable and I'm taking it on. I'm there. So that's what I would suggest for that. That's a good question. I think a lot of people are in that same boat right now.

Next one. I am dealing with a massive tooth infection. The dentist wants to Extract a front tooth. Can any of the health focused parallel help to reprogram my cells and immune system to fight infection? I'm doing all I can to self treat, but I could use some help. Clearly I can't make any medical claims. However, as I said, I get to hear some pretty amazing stories. The one that I always suggest immediately when there's a, is perfect health. And the reason I like that one is that the basic premises there are that you have a blueprint. You're like the seed of the acorn that has all the DNA you need to grow into an oak tree. That blueprint resides within you to be totally healthy, totally whole in body, mind and spirit. So the perfect health sort of helps you to tune into that and access that power and that remembrance because just that remembrance and is very empowering. You know, health, health is, is you can get assistance from outside, but health ultimately is an internal job and perfect health is really good for that. Another one that I've had people have really good experience with on that is useful vitality. I find that a lot of people as they age, they start to become jaded and they start to, they start to accept some of the predictions and some of the labels that are hung on, on specific circumstances. And as you age, you're going to slow down, you're going to have joint pain, you're going to have this, you're going to have that. Well, youthful vitality takes you back to a time when the world was your oyster and anything was possible. And that includes dynamic good health. Dynamic energy includes mental acuity, mental flexibility. It might include being very compassionate and doing volunteer work and sharing that compassion and reverence for other people. So that's probably another one I would consider. And then prosperity is a workhorse. You can have a prosperity and abundance of health so that you are embracing total health, total. You're totally embracing all the cells rejuvenating themselves, any infection being, you know, Simonton did all the, the, the books and the, the lectures on the mind body link and how you can visualize, you know, your own body that you have a night in your mouth and he's cutting up those inflamed areas and destroying them and then dragons burning them and cauterizing it. So you know, there's a lot to be said for that too. So you might build that into your intention for prosperity, something like that. So that's another thought.

Another question. What if, if being who you choose to be pisses other people off so much that you have no real friends and family members don't really want to have any to do with you.

It makes me sad to say this, but there are a lot of people and a lot of families that have some dichotomies and some gaps right now that I have not seen the like of before. And as I've said before, I've been coaching almost 20 years here, both politically, the whole virus vaccine, no vaccine. There have been so many divisions and rifts in families and literally half of some families are not speaking to the other half. So I'd like to share a couple thoughts on that.

I want to do a.

Narrative at some point about fear and love. Jerry Jampolsky believes there are two primary emotions. There's fear and there's love. If they're not coming from love, they're coming from fear. So one of the things that might help you with this situation is what are they fearful of? You know, if, if they're not coming from love and they're fearful, what is, what is, what is the issue? What's going on beneath the surface there? For that reason, I am going to suggest the active listening. Active listening is a relatively new parallel and it's about listening without an agenda and hearing what's being said that isn't being said. And often in these family situations, they, they are not listening to each other anymore. It's set in stone, this is the way it is. And tough totems. I'm not listening and you're, you are screwed up and your opinion means nothing to me. It's a sad state of affairs. It's really sad. But for, for Lindley, who sent this in, I would start with the active listening to help you with, with that and, and, and the positive relationships, both of those would be helpful. But you need, you need to remember that if you are living what you believe and what you're passionate about and if you are aligned with what you. And taking full responsibility for where you're at and what you're doing, I'm, I'm sorry that they don't agree, but you're standing in your power. You're standing in your space. And, and that takes courage. That takes an incredible amount of courage. So the, the self love, I would go to self love again, that's another of the newer ones. But when you stand in your own power and your own conviction and you're exact, if you're examining your life and you, you have gone through the self acceptance, you're taking full responsibility and you feel strongly that you are aligned with what you value, you know, some, some of the greatest thinkers of the world have been castigated and excommunicated, and all kinds of horrible things have happened, but they stood their ground. And that takes courage. That takes courage. So. So for that reason, fearlessness night might be good as well. Hats off to you for standing that ground. We need. We need people to hold the light steady, no matter who tries to douse it. And. And it's. It's really, really important.

Last one. This is from Diane. My mom passed about three years ago. She was very manipulative. Because of this, I have missed out on a lot. I don't know. I want to know how I can forgive her and forgive myself for allowing her to do this to me. That's a tricky one, Diane, and very dear to my heart because I had a family member who was extremely challenging for me in my youth.

You need to work through the grief process. Three years ago. I'm assuming you have, but the grief process is a weird circumstance because you can't circumvent it. You can't step around it. You need to go through it. Whatever she was to you, and however much she manipulated you, she was your mom. So I hope you allowed yourself to grieve. It's really important that you allow yourself that space. As far as your mom being manipulative, I would definitely go to the letting go paralleliminal. That is just a wonderful one for accepting what was, working through it and seeing the gift self. Love would be good because you need. You need to remember that through this you survived. And being a survivor in and of itself is a big victory. But I would like to share a bigger perspective and this made such a difference for me.

Sometimes we have people in our lives that cause us to grow and it doesn't feel very good. Some of the greatest gifts come in some really ugly wrapping paper. And one of the things I came to recognize and. And it's part of why I am able to. I'm able to sit with people whose lives are coming apart, who feel like the world is against them, that nothing makes any sense, and that. That.

It just. That are devastated. I'm able to sit with them and hold the space for them to remember.

Who and what they are and what they're capable of. And they can do that because of what I went through. I can do that for them. And I'm passing that on. Whatever your mom did. You know, I wish kids came with manuals. I really do. Because, you know, my two sons were so different. And you know, it's. It's a guessing game. I'm sure it wasn't purposefully hurtful. I'm sure, I'm sure it wasn't maliciously done. However, that doesn't change the fact that you felt manipulated. But you're a grown up now and you, you can thank her for whatever the gift was and let that go through the welcoming process and letting go will help you a lot. Self love and you know, once, once you've worked through the grief and then if you, if you can let go of the resentment to whatever extent, you can go to the gratitude paralyminal. Because in every experience there's learning, there's, there's opportunity. And as, as horrible as it was for you, if you can get to that point where you can see that there was a gift in that behavior, there was a really good tool. I'm going to share this real quickly because it was so powerful. When I did my coaches training, I was trained in NLP and hypnotherapy as well as several other life coaching modalities. One of the exercises we did was around parents and all we did was keep repeating if you can find somebody to do this with you, it would be really good. Ask yourself about, pick up something that your mom did that you felt was manipulative and ask yourself what was the highest positive intention? What was the highest positive intention? And when you get that, ask yourself again, what was the highest positive intention? And you know, in the class we had three or four people that had incredibly dysfunctional childhood experiences and it was, they got yelled at a lot. What was the highest positive intention? To make me shut up and stop doing what I was doing. And what was the highest positive intention of that? So that I wouldn't, wouldn't step out into the street. And what was the highest positive intention of that? But I wouldn't get run over by a car. And what was the highest positive intent? And da da da, da da. And you see where that goes. Ultimately every single one of them came back to because she loved me. And you know, parents, parents don't get, they don't get training on being a parent. You know, they, they probably most of them operate from the way they were parented. And so it's, it's a tough job, it's an incredibly challenging job and it's also one of the most rewarding jobs. But unless your mom was totally psychotic, she did it from love. And, and I know it comes out weird and I know it looks weird and it's, it's hard at the time. It's really really hard when somebody that. That you would expect to get unconditional love from uses you and abuses you and does things that. That in retrospect you recognize were totally inappropriate. But to the extent you can forgive and move on, you come out the winner anyway and. And you get. You get the gift. There was a gift. You know, I don't know what you're here to do. I don't know what. What the manipulation led to. But sometimes I think the people that have to play those roles may be great souls that come in to give you something to push against, to help you to grow. It doesn't feel good at the time. Would I repeat what I went through? Absolutely not. I prefer not to. But I know what it has enabled me to do. I have a strength that I would not have without that. And I'm pretty sure you do too. So that's enough said on that. So, anyway, so I'm going to wind this up until next week. I don't. I guess I'd just like to say, to remind you to be the change you want to see in the world. That's what self acceptance and self responsibility is about. And the more of us that are doing that, the more. The more of us that are being the change, that are holding our light steady, that are coming from a place of compassion and love, that can regard others that are in. Not in that space as being in fear. And what can we do to help? What can we do to allay that fear? What can we do to reassure them and remind them of what their potential is so they can be the change as well? So that is it for this time. Lots of love to you from all of us here at mindtrax, and we'll see you next week.