The Gift of Connection with Joe Polish & Lee Richter

Every day I am grateful for my friends. I have some of the most amazing friends on the planet. And today I'm here with Joe Polish, one of my good friends that I absolutely love connecting with. And what we're gonna share today with all of you is his gift of connection. Because Joe Polish not only runs the Genius Network, he is also connected with so many leaders around the entire planet. I laugh that sometimes Joe is only one degree of separation from anyone we know. And it's really true. And so welcome, Joe. Thank you for being here today.

My pleasure to be here. It's always fun to hang out with you, and however I can help, I'm happy to.

Absolutely love it myself. So being with you is really special. I mean, honestly, I'm watching how many people want to spend time with you, and every minute that we get to spend time with you is such a gift. It really is.

Thanks.

And your biggest gift on the planet that I see personally is your gift of connection. You are just amazingly connected to people and just a magnet for just tremendous people in your life. So would you like to talk a little bit about how to share that gift?

Well, yes, and what I would say is I grew up extremely shy, really introverted. Never in a million years did I think I would ever— people would think of me as like a connector or that I would even have the ability to do it. So a tiger can change their stripes. I mean, if you're out there thinking that you can't connect or it's hard doing it, you certainly can if you work on it, just like anything else. And what I will say about you, I mean, when it just comes to connecting, you're a person That puts yourself— you put yourself in positions to actually meet people. I mean, you fly to places, you invest in yourself, you run companies, you seek it out. Doing an interview like this, even asking someone to do it. I mean, if you don't ask people for things, you're never going to get those things. If you don't create value for people, they're not going to want to do things for you. And so, you're very much the same way as me. You don't ask anyone to do anything for you unless you can create value for them first. And so that's always my premise. I don't operate like the world owes me something or that I'm entitled to anything unless I can create value for somebody first. And, you know, we were here at a meeting with our friend Dan Sullivan, and, you know, Dan says things like that all the time. You know, no entitlement attitude. You're 100% responsible for stuff. And where my ability to connect with people came from is I spent most of my childhood and teenage years completely disconnected because I, you know, my mother died when I was 4 years old. My father never remarried. I was really shy, really skinny kid. We would move every 2 years. It was hard enough for me to develop any friendships. And as soon as I felt sort of established with some friends, we would uproot and move to a new city, new school, start all over again. And I literally spent most of my childhood in fear. I mean, I would pray that I didn't get beat up. I went to Catholic school growing up. That instilled a ton of guilt into me. That was a whole freak show. A lot of bad things. Molested as a kid.

Mm-hmm.

Became a drug addict because I was so uncomfortable interacting with people. I felt completely disconnected. And so I was trying to escape. Because one of the things I think about a lot is you're either in communication with somebody or you're trying to escape. And I always ask people, think about that when you're interacting. When you're with someone and they're looking over their shoulder, you're looking over your shoulder, you're just either connected with that person or you're trying to get away. And that's not a comfortable place to be in. And so being aware of that, I operate with who do I really like, who do I feel drawn to, who do I want to answer the phone for if they're calling me, who repels me. And I really think about—

Why? Why?

What causes connection? What do I need to do? Who do I need to be to feel like I'm present, to feel like I'm connected? And so a lot of that can be the environment that you're in, the people that you hang out with, the work and activities that you spend your time on, your own brain chemistry.

Yeah.

I mean, that sort of stuff. And since I do so much work with entrepreneurs and addicts, I mean, it sounds weird, many are the same thing. Is what I've learned a lot about with addiction is the opposite of addiction is connection. And so people that are addicts really don't feel safe in the world at times. They feel disconnected. And so drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, internet, food, workaholism— I mean, there's a million ways that people could destructively try to numb themselves because they just don't feel connected. So connection isn't just like, let's go out and meet—

Friends.

Connection doesn't have to do with getting famous people to help our career ambitions. Connection has to do with human happiness.

That's true. And you've become a master at connection. So when you think back, and those were challenging years when you were disconnected as a youth and growing into your teenage years and then your 20s, where was your turnaround point?

Yeah, well, I wish I could say it was a real positive thing. I mean, it ended up becoming a positive thing, but it was nearly dying. I mean, at my worst state, I weighed 105 pounds from freebasing cocaine for 3 months straight. looked in the mirror and I mean if you're 5'10 male, 18 years old, you weigh 105 pounds, you're like a rail.

Yeah.

And I looked and saw pretty much a skeleton of a person and it was, you know, no one ever has the ambition to do that to themselves. It just kind of creeps in and it becomes a very insidious sort of thing. And so I needed to literally remove myself from the environment, all of the relationships. I was just in this addictive cycle and a trap. And luckily, I somehow managed to pull myself out of it, move away, go live in a trailer for 2 years, and get clean. And so out of necessity, you know, the necessity to survive, I removed myself from that environment and started working out, going to a gym, getting a job selling gym memberships. It was bizarre. Ended up meeting someone there that ran a mental hospital, ended up getting a job as a mental health tech, started, you know, taking care of patients that were, you know, addicts. And I would drive them to AA meetings, Alcoholics Anonymous, NA meetings, Narcotics Anonymous, CA meetings, Cocaine Anonymous, Hmm. never realizing that where my path had been and where it would— where it led up. And I would sit in these meetings and watch these people that were so disconnected and so uncomfortable in their own skin and, you know, hopeless, but going to a place where they, you know, had no other choice. I mean, it was desperation. I really got to see a perspective of human suffering that I could really relate to and saw that, you know, when you are in a room with someone that has been through the same sort of mutual suffering as you have been, Mm-hmm. It actually creates a rapport.

Of course.

Yeah, it creates a rapport. There's a camaraderie. And it really opened up my eyes. And I started pursuing personal development probably in ways that most people are not exposed to.

Like anything else, you dove in it full-fledged, I'm sure.

Yeah, as much as I could.

And did you have some mentors that helped you along the way get on this path of being so connected in the marketing field?

You know what's interesting about that question? There's a lot of research that's done, like how is a child, as an example, you know, one grows up in the ghetto or some war-torn country, or they're both exposed to physical, mental, sexual abuse. One turns out okay, the other one doesn't. What they can usually find is there was a person, something that said something to them that encouraged them, that gave them hope, that allowed them To feel they can believe in themselves. I probably had that happen. I don't know who it would have been. I mean, I honestly don't. So where my mentors were in the beginning were books. I would read books. I would listen to audio programs. You know, Earl Nightingale, Lead the Field. You know, all these old-school motivational people. Tony Robbins.

I'm so grateful for the books.

Yeah, exactly.

Because really, that was a lifeline for you.

Yeah, yeah, it really was. And that's what I say to people too. Like, if you have the ability to motivate and encourage and inspire someone, write it down, record it, put it out there. I mean, people are waiting for this perfect time to be super articulate. And it's like, anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Not all the time, but in the beginning. I mean, you know—

To build on.

Yeah, of course. And I mean, granted, you shouldn't do things poorly if you just suck at it. I mean, you know, it's like the best way to get out of a hole is to quit digging it. I mean, a lot of people are like, persistence, persistence. Well, being persistent with something that you're just not good at doesn't give you energy. You're never going to get good at that. You're— that's a weakness for you. It's probably not worth developing. Like, like our friend Dan Sullivan says, you know, if you spend your life developing your weaknesses, at the end of your life you have a lot of really strong weaknesses. So there's a way to find what you kind of flow with, but in the beginning, hardly anyone No one would walk if the first time we tried to walk, we did it in an excellent fashion. So it's like anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly in the beginning. It means don't take it out of context. Anything requires practice. And if you're a single person, as an example, and I have never gotten over the nervousness of if I see someone that I am attracted to and I'd like to ask them out, My heart will beat out of my chest. It is nerve-wracking. It doesn't feel comfortable. However, you're either frozen stiff or moving scared. You know what I mean? And so anything that you want in life that you have some sort of attachment to, there's probably gonna be a level of fear or a lot of fear. But you gotta sit and think, okay, what's the worst that's going to happen? You know, it's kind of the Wayne Gretzky quote. And I would rely on quotes when you ask about mentors. I mean, anything, you know, like the Wayne Gretzky thing.

Yeah.

I mean, I can't imagine how many times, times I've probably said, you know, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, when I'm talking myself out of it. Anything that, you know, has some significance to me, there's a fear. You know, there's a fear. There's also an excitement because you can't have excitement without fear and you can't have fear without excitement. Maybe you can, but I think in most cases they kind of go together. And so there's always some level of resistance or a lot of resistance But what's the alternative?

Stay home and do nothing.

Exactly. Be alone or try to go out and interact with people. So I would force myself to go out and talk with people, go out and meet with people, even when I wanted to throw up.

And it's funny because to us that watch you all the time, it seems so effortless. But it lets us know you're human, that when it means so much to you and it's uncharted territory, you get the same feelings. Even though you're a master connector, it's still work.

When I go to cocktail parties and I don't know people, I do not feel comfortable. Do I do it? Yeah. Do I seek it out to try to do it? No, I'd rather try to find people that I know.

I'm surprised you haven't gamified it yet.

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know what's funny? One of my Piranha Marketing boot camps when I used to do events all the time for service businesses, because people that don't know my background, I learned marketing Never thinking I would teach it to anyone. I learned marketing because I needed to eat. I needed to survive. I was a dead broke carpet cleaner living off credit cards. After I got clean from drugs, I actually, you know, moved back to Arizona, started a carpet cleaning business.

You were on the entrepreneurial path.

Yeah, and I was living off credit cards for 2 years. I mean, I racked up $30,000 in debt and I was like struggling, but I was like, damn it, I gotta figure out how to make this little entrepreneurial fantasy of mine work. And so I learned marketing and I implemented it and I applied it and I got really good at it and started teaching it to other people. But I mean, I didn't know how to give a public presentation. I was a nervous wreck. So I'd go to Toastmasters. I would do anything to put myself into a position where I could try to learn something. And someone said— there's something else I wanted to say, but I kind of lost my train of thought. There was someone that said to me, try to do one thing every day that scares you. And not like run out in front of traffic and risk your life, not that sort of scare you, but like something that's challenging. And it really made me realize that, you know, that which you fear and don't face controls you. But that which you fear and you face, you can control it, or you at least take steps to control it. And so I just started operating that way. And I would even tell myself, you know, if I had to ask someone, Not if I had to. If I wanted to meet someone, I would say, I'm just taking a survey. I wouldn't look at it as rejection. I would say, I'm taking a survey of who has good taste and who doesn't. Even if that was nonsense, it would still somehow get me to just do things that were uncomfortable.

I love that. So yeah, we were talking about gamifying networking and you want to gamify.

Thank you for bringing— okay, so what I did So funny.

We—

I've been running an event all day, so it's kind of, you know, my brain is a little—

You've been on all day and doing a great job, I must say.

Thank you, thank you. And so I used to do these events for— for once I learned marketing, I started teaching carpet and upholstery cleaners, and I became the largest training organization in the world for professional carpet and upholstery cleaners and people that do fire and flood restoration. And I just literally— over 8,000 professional cleaning companies all over the world became members of my organization to this day. Millions of dollars are generated using my marketing materials for service businesses alone.

And honestly, you were a gift for them because they might not have learned otherwise.

Oh yeah, and they were great people. And I mean, I have so many, you know, so many deep relationships in that industry still. And I would go to a lot of conferences myself learning it. I would, you know, like you, it's a Woody Allen thing, 95% of success is just showing up. I mean, I would show up. I would do whatever I needed to do to go put myself to meet meet people, learn things, figure out how to build and grow my business. What other investment could you ever invest in that's better than yourself? You know, improving yourself. So I would go to a lot of events and I would typically go by myself and it would be, you know, difficult because what do you do during lunch? You know, you don't know anyone. And if you— right in the beginning when I was just struggling and I'd, you know, be racking up credit card debt just trying to learn stuff so I can then go back and apply and hopefully make the money back. It was kind of lonely and it was a little scary. How do you approach people? And so I always had a soft spot for the shy kid or the man or the woman who's an introvert. And so at my events, I would say, how many of you came here alone? And a huge amount. And I'd be like, how many extroverts do we got out there? They'd raise their hands really high. How many introverts? And they would kind of raise their hand halfway. And I'd say, Who would be offended if someone came up and introduced themselves to you? You know, no one would raise their hand. I mean, we're talking hundreds of people. How many of you would love to meet someone new? They'll raise their hand. I'm like, okay, tonight, a couple things I want you to do. I want you to go up to each other and say, if you had any superpower, it could be any superpower, what would it be?

Mm-hmm.

And I would give them things to say. You'll hear people say, I wanna be invisible. I wanna learn how to fly. Astro-project myself. You'd hear everything under the sun. Or if you could be any superhero, who would you be? Just anything to get someone talking.

Mm-hmm.

Now, I would do stuff like that and it worked. I would teach people stuff. But one thing that I did to gamify it was like— this was probably the first time I did this, must have been around maybe 2003. And I had a little napkin because I've always loved to say, if you can't write it on the back of a napkin, it's probably not worth doing. And I had a little Genius Network symbol, 'cause now Genius Network, the group, we really built it around a tool where you put your piece of paper, you put a circle of yourself in the middle, and then you draw 8 boxes around it, and you list the most important people to your business or your life, and you put their name on the top, and underneath there'd be a circle with a line drawn horizontally through it. You'd put their name on the top, and you put their skill set or their capability on the bottom, and you would just identify who are the most important people in your life, Mm-hmm. that you'd want to meet. And so during my boot camps on marketing, I'd say there's people in here that you want to add to your genius network, like incredible people. You've met them, you've seen them talk, we've seen some people up on stage. And so what I'd like you to do is when you're going around for the reception in the evening, take this napkin and your job is to fill it up with 8 names of cool people that you met, who they are, what their capability is, and someone that you feel like you're gonna stay in touch with. And all of a sudden, where people in the past, they would show up to the reception, they would sit around like most receptions and feel really uncomfortable, and they would, you know, drink booze in order to inebriate themselves because it's so uncomfortable to have to go up and talk to people about chitchat and bullshit that you don't wanna talk about anyway.

Mm-hmm.

But I made it like intentional. Who are people that you wanna meet? Someone that— and they would drink less alcohol. Which, because I've never been a big fan of like, oh, let's go out and get all liquored up in order to meet someone. Now, someone wants to do that, but, you know, coming from my background of addiction, I'm like, I know that most people, you know, numb themselves because it's easier to interact. I would much rather be totally aware and not have to numb myself.

It's the solution to the problem of being uncomfortable.

Exactly, exactly. And again, this isn't a moral statement that someone should or should not drink or whatever. It's just the reality of They call it happy hour, but what are most happy hours? Go and get completely wasted so you can somehow function because we feel so disconnected from our jobs, our careers. So with those little napkins, we couldn't shut it down easily. It'd be 2, 3 hours late into the night and we'd be like, you need to go get some sleep. And they'd have their— So that was my first attempt at gamifying Interacting. And I've told people that run events, I'm like, if you're doing receptions, you know, create something where they can just go and meet each other and talk about stuff. So that's—

No, it works great. And actually, in Genius Network, the last meeting I was in, we did that, and it was powerful for me because I saw 2 spots where I really needed to meet people, and one of them was a web developer. And literally out of that meeting that day, I got somebody to help me. So it just was brilliant. So thank you for sharing that.

Absolutely.

So going back to our Wayne Gretzky quote, what is the shot that you want to take right now?

Well, I mean, my biggest thing from a business standpoint and probably from a life standpoint is I want to change the global conversation about how people view addicts and addiction and how they treat addicts with compassion instead of judgment. Because right now, you know, in the United States, Like, you know, close to 1% of the US population is incarcerated. You can't punish addiction and pain out of people. Most of the people that are committing crimes, many of them are bad crimes, so I'm not saying there's an easy solution to that, but a lot of the people that are arrested—

They're in a spiral.

Yes.

And they haven't had the opportunity at either the books or the mentoring, the things that helped you get out, they haven't actually found those things yet.

Right, right. And a lot of people have not committed violent crimes. I mean, they're not, you know, they're people that have been caught with possession. And what a lot of people that are addicts are, they're traumatized individuals. And, you know, the problem with addiction is that the way it's viewed. I actually believe addiction is a solution. It's a solution to pain. It's a solution to depression and anxiety. It's a great solution. for numbing yourself out if it doesn't kill you. The problem with addiction is it has consequences, and some of those consequences are really bad because addicts lie, they cheat, they steal, they can do bad things. But I don't look at the person doing bad things per se as an inherently bad human. And what the problem is, is we're associating bad behavior with badness. Like, this person did something, therefore they are a piece of crap, they are a bad, evil person. And in many cases, they're not.

It's that individual behavior or that instance But sometimes it gets them on a path that, you know, they don't know how to get out of.

Exactly. And if you punish it in a way, they actually think it makes it better. It actually makes it worse. And so hope heals. And so if I can bring hope to people and use my marketing skills to direct people, you know, the 2 groups that I want to be a hero to are entrepreneurs, because I really respect people that will take risks and will put themselves out there, that will try to make something up and make it real and innovate. I mean, I admire entrepreneurs. I mean, it's a tough job to be a business owner. I mean, most people don't realize, you know, one of the greatest things if you're successful about being your own boss is being your own boss. One of the worst things about being your own boss is being your own boss. I mean, you have to, you know, you're going to eat based on your ability to produce a result. So I want to help those people. And then the other people that struggle with addiction. Because it's real human suffering and I know what it feels like and it sucks.

You are a genius at creating the Genius Network. You've created a space where we can come, we can be safe, we can be connected, and we can help other people. So honestly, hats off to you for doing some great work in the world.

Thank you. And you know what? Thank you for being part of it because you're an amazing, awesome person. I consider you a close friend. I think you're amazing. And you're always like, you always are asking people, how can I help you? You do so much stuff. You're always being of service. And like, so who the heck wouldn't want to connect with you?

Well, it is my pleasure. And honestly, you're one of my mentors showing the way.

Thank you.

And I'm paying attention.

Awesome.

So thank you very much.

Thank you, Lee.