[Urszula Carr] ​​​​​​​From chaos to calm

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success with your host, Jane Slack Smith, where we celebrate the incredible journeys of individuals who've transcended their limitations and achieved extraordinary success.

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success podcast where we explore incredible journeys of transformation and resilience. Now, today's special guest is Dr. Ursula Carr. She is a specialist dermatopathologist and holds a PhD in tumor biology. Now, Ursula is not only an academically accomplished medical professional, but also a compassionate coach. Certified in rapid change technologies, trained in the natural success modality and neuro linguistic programming, Ursula lives in Sydney where she enjoys a vibrant life with her four children. Her interests are diverse, extending far beyond the realm of medicine. An experienced traveler with a love for the outdoors, Ursula also enjoys martial arts and holds a black belt in Shota Khan karate. Her active lifestyle is sustained by her enthusiasm for long distance running, skiing, bush walking. I'm exhausted already. Cycling. Ursula's strong interest in personal growth and human behavior fuels her ongoing quest for knowledge. She's an early adopter and an advocate of technologies and advances. She embraces innovations in digital pathology and artificial intelligence. Well, what a trendsetter. Welcome, Ursula, to the podcast.

Hello and thank you for inviting me.

Now, I'm going to have some get some clarity. I know that I mispronounced what you do. Could you just explain what is a derma pathology pathologist?

Well, I am a histopathologist, but we sub specialized, so I actually look at the microscope to diagnose skin diseases, inflammatory skins, alopecia, tumors, including melanomas, so that the clinician can actually treat the patient accordingly to the diagnosis. So we closely collaborate. I am a medical doctor, but I diagnose diseases and then I collaborate with dermatologists, GPs who then know how to treat the patient because they've got a correct diagnosis.

Wow.

Okay.

Vital work. Well, thank you so much for explaining that. Now, I can't wait to hear about your sliding door moment. So let's get going. If you could describe for me, I guess, that you're a doctor, you're working away, you have a sliding door moment. What changed everything for you?

I mean, there were many sliding door moments actually, and the change was probably gradual, but everything has changed. Change. When I've lost my husband to pancreatic cancer, and that was very unexpected because he was a very healthy, fit man and all of a sudden he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer with metastasis. And naturally he died. And I was left with four young children at the time, age 6 to 12, not even 12, the eldest, four girls. And we just bought a house in Sydney. And so I was left with big mortgage and threw myself into work to provide for the family. My husband was a house state dad, so I was breadwinner. So but I just started working even more to pay the mortgage and look after the girls. And of course we didn't have that, they didn't have that anymore. So I had to be a mom as well. Luckily, because of my profession, my employer was very empathetic and I got a lot of flexibility in terms of, you know, being able to work sometimes from home and still be at school at those important moments for which I'm very grateful. But I developed severe burnout because I also have no family here, so no support. Of course there are friends, but you know, like it is, everybody's got busy lives, so you can't really rely. There was help coming, but generally I was just me and my kids. And the banner was. So it was severe time, but severe burnout. But the worst one was during COVID where I was in a space where I really think I thought, I can't live like this anymore. In fact, I had thoughts of. I wish it was me who died of cancer. I just wanted to get up, I wanted to crawl under the bed in the morning rather than get up and do something. I just wanted to be alone and, and felt like being in that kind of dark. I don't describe like, you know, like you, if you were locked in a dark room, there was no windows, no doors and you started kind of feeling suffocating and you know, you, you, you can't catch your breath and there is no way out. Like I, I couldn't see a way out because I thought, okay, I can't do this job anymore. I am a mom, I can't stop being a mom. And in medical profession it's not so easy. You know, you don't just go and change your specialty because that's another five, seven years of training and exams. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And I thought, what else can I do? I can't do anything because I don't know anything. This is all I know. I've been studying for 25 odd years to actually do what I do. And this is how. It was gradual, but I started the journey into. I started diving deep into personal development.

So just to summarize, you know, you're working 40, 50, 60 hours a week as a doctor, your husband's a stay at home dad, you've got four little girls between six and 12 in a very short period of time. I'm assuming there was a complete change. You took on the parenting, the home, looking after the new mortgage, the job. That didn't really change, but you could have a little bit of flexibility in, you know, going to events and working from home every now and then. You took on essentially two great big jobs and you were facing this overwhelm, you're facing exhaustion. And you describing this point where you are like, I can't, I can't get up. When you were in that point of that, that chaos that was happening in your life, how, how did you, you know, have that kind of. There is a way out. Where was the light? Where did, where did you actually go? I'm not going to let this get me down because obviously with kids, you know, you, you don't give up. But, you know, what kind of led you to this kind of. Aha. Where you saw you had a choice.

Yeah, well, the kids, to be honest, the kids. I knew that I am the only parent and they just already been through so much. So I had a choice, you know, dwell into my sorrows and, you know, get deeper into depression, start taking medications or maybe, you know, like alcohol, whatever, to, to, to, to make it temporarily to make my healthy better or, or do something about it for the sake of my kids and for myself. Because I love life and I wanted my life back. Because when Nigel was alive, yeah, I worked hard, not 60 hours, but, you know, between 40 to 50. But he did everything at home. So all weekends we spent a lot of time together going out and enjoying kids. And I still did that. I still took kids whenever I could. So I tried to have at least weekends off. And that was that drive. And I cannot pinpoint how and what. I am a meditator. So I, you know, I dropped meditation and he was sick, but I started meditating again. It wasn't something that I knew to me, because I've been meditating, you know, for quite a while before, and I did some vipassana, silent retreats. So I started doing that. But also I am big enthusiast, as you know, of physical activities. And I think running at the time actually saved my life because I've been running 40 kilometers a week, like 40 and more so. And the kids knew, like when I was angry or, you know, shouting at it because it happened like I was, I was so exhausted that, you know, I was a shouted parent. And they will go, mom, go for a run. Like, go for a run.

So they could see those moments. And so you you were meditating, you're running physical activity. What kind of, what kind of choice did you make to get yourself out of those fears and the worries and that chaos like, you know, you're doing these activities. Was there also a kind of a mental kind of trigger that you went, okay, like something's got to give. I've got it, I've got a choice here?

Yes. What I would say even so, I wasn't yet aware because as you know, I went. Underwent a natural success training. It wasn't yet. I wasn't in that training yet. That came later. But even at that state, I kind of instinctively knew that I can to some degree control my emotion and my emotions and my reactions, that I can change that. I feel upset, anxious, fearful to something better. And you know, when you kind of decide something, these synchronicities and something comes your way. And then I came across Tony Robbins daily priming routine. And it's funny, I always find it funny that he's so expensive his courses and events and, and this is for free on YouTube. And I started listening to it and I think that also together with my physical exercise and also, you know, karate, I'm a black belt, so I was training for black belt. I've started training, I wanted the black belt. And that all together combined just got me out of that hole. And of course I took some time off as well from work, you know, I think maybe a week to, to just recover from that acute state. Sometimes when you're in that acute state, you have to break, you know, you just can't work anymore. And that was enough to start, you know, to start the change. Yeah, and, and yeah, and that's what started that. The change in my mind was, you know, the realization that I have a choice in this matter. And then I started seeing some options and you know, because when you're in that kind of different state of mind, you are attracting some information, your brain is filtering information and allows you to see things that you haven't before because you are too upset, too fearful, too anxious to actually see other, other opportunities. I've started my investment journey. You know, I wanted to invest in properties, so I've learned about that, or shares, etc. Because I had no idea I've been renovating my house. And that also, you know, gave me some purpose. And of course my girls, all the time my girls. And so, so that gave me a, A feeling of purpose that I've got something here. To initially was to, to be a parent for my children. But then I realized that it's for me as well. This is my life. I want to enjoy my life now. Not, you know, when I'm dead or after, you know, hoping that after I die it would be better. Yeah. And yeah, so for myself and for my patients, you know, because unhappy and fearful and exhausted doctor is not a good doctor, you know, for my patients. So I can actually turn up to work and, and give everything I've got, knowing that I can go home and have some refuge in spending time with my children and having a free evening and doing some exciting stuff with my family.

You know, what's interesting is, you know, and I wanted to move on to. Because obviously you've now studied a lot of extra things. Neuro, linguistic programming, natural success modality, the rapid transformation therapies, etc. Now you've done that from a place of helping others, in particular doctors and medical professionals. But anyone, I assume with the executive and high stress overwhelm and facing burnout, tell me about that journey. Because the fact that you just recovered yourself and you found some ways to bring you out of that and orientate towards the future and what you wanted to create rather than in the now, the negative bias, I'm interested in that progression. What's that been looked like for you?

So during my training with natural success and some other modalities, I realized something extremely important that I, I create my life. And, and you know, initially when I heard that, I thought what. What's going on in here? Do I really, you know, do I choose that my husband died and I'm a single mom and, and all that. But of course there are circumstances, there are, there are aspects of lives that involve others and we have no control over those, but we can control our reaction. And I understood that if I own it, I own that I create my life, my reality, then it gives me a power to change things that I don't like to change into something different. And funny is, it's funny how we focus always on. Most people focus on what we don't like in our lives, you know, the worries, the anxiety, somebody. If you don't have money, you focus on lack of money because you're thinking constantly, you know, how do I pay that next check? And strangely enough, you are not open to opportunities of making more money or you know, it's, it's close to you because all you're thinking is I have no money.

Yeah.

And it's just one example. But what I'm trying to say that I've realized that I can change it. And the Change of how I can create my life is to focus on what I want to create in my life. And I wanted to have a happy family, be a lovely parent, have a very good relationship with my children, be a good doctor, reignite this spark that I've studied for so long. And I'm excited about diseases and everything that I see. And you know, you're working like a detective a lot of the time because I see the slide and I don't. Even with my experience, there are days, you know, that we don't. I don't know what I've got. And I have to do special techniques and I have to send it for second opinion. And we just discuss and talk to colleagues and you know, it's like detective work for the patient to actually have the correct diagnosis. So can, you know, the clinician can apply the treatment. And that was a big realization. But it took me a few years actually before I started realizing because it's all good, you realize, okay, all I do, I focus on what I want to create. But how do you actually do it? And I developed a lot of little techniques which are short, quick to actually be able to do that. And, you know, I've got the morning routines. I. I got exercises that I do during the day and evening routines, and I do them religiously every day. And it's not like, you know, I'm not. It's not ocd. Sometimes I change them around, sometimes I don't do them because I just run out of time, you know, but that's very rare. I try to be very. Because it just. I know how important it is and.

It sets state for your. The rest of the day.

It sets the. You know, I've got the intention that my day is going to go well. Whatever is thrown at me, I've got that intention. And I know how to reconnect with my vision whenever, you know, there is problem because I used to go to work, even when I started meditating out in the morning, I was good as gold. I would go to work and then I start seeing all these cases piling and I have this raising kind of panic. I'm not on the top of it, you know, I can't. I can't do it. And then I'm going home and I'm already so exhausted, so tired, and so angry that I'm shouting at my kids when I'm coming back home. And I change that. I. I do a lot of little short exercises during the work that make me focus, okay, like reconnect, recharge. And you know, I'm good, I'm good to go.

I might have to convince you to do a bonus video for some of those techniques after this. But just, you know, I guess what, what interests me is that, you know, obviously that your daughters are older now and a little bit more, you know, leaving home, etc. And you've got, you know what, I would have thought of some time and grace in your life again to focus on yourself. But as well as your, you know, your job now, what you're doing is you're actually assisting, you know, doctors and medical professionals particularly who are in that crisis and that chaos. I imagine you can't jump straight in and talk to them about, you know, creating the life that they, they want. You know, when, when you are in that crisis, that awareness point of realizing that circumstances do happen. And I think what's the saying, you know, that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You know, it's how you deal with those life pain. You're now coaching your clients who are in that point, you know, can you just tell me how would a person who potentially is listening to this go, oh my God, that's me. What's that look like when you're at that point where you can't see out? Now a quick word from our sponsor, your success club. Your Success club is a group of vibrant abundance seekers. If you subscribe to ExitTheMatrix IO, we are going to drop you into the club room, which has lots of goodies, resources and a free gift just for subscribing. Now back to the podcast.

Well, you are completely exhausted and you recognize it because, well, say Monday is approaching, so the weekend often, you know, unless you do shifts, but often at the stage of consultancy. See, it's probably, you know, Monday to Friday and maybe some on calls at the weekend, but you spent. I spent all weekend thinking about Monday and I spoiled my weekend just thinking. And some people call it Sundays, particularly on Sunday. I was already depressed. So if you do that, if you, if you think about going to work and you have that sinking feeling, you are definitely burnout. You are not happy when, when you are, you know, everything that mentioned work and connected with work, you feel like, you know, I can't even move my finger because I feel already so exhausted and almost like hate relationship and you know, and also that feeling that there is no way out, like what, what, what can I do from. From now? What can I do? What, I can't do anything because I'm a doctor. What can I do differently? And if you in that state and, and plus these family circumstances, there may be divorce going on in your life. There may be. Because I would like to tell you this is not, you know, my, my children are beautiful and lovely, but three of them are neurodivergent. So it wasn't like all roses and butterflies at home. But. So if you've got all that on the top of your work, there is so much you can take. Right. And you break, you break when you adapt. State of breaking. You've got to do something about it. You either try to do it yourself.

Yeah, I just, I just wanted to. If people listening to this and there's an awareness point where you're like, actually one of these things resonates with me. You're probably at the point where you are in chaos and you don't think you can get out. And the message is, it's possible, like you've done it yourself, you've helped your other clients do it, but it is possible. But the awareness is the key, right?

Yes. And that you are not alone, even, even in a worse circumstances where you think about yourself, you maybe failed the exam or you're preparing for the exam, medical exam, and you procrastinating because you've got other things, you know, problems at home and you're beating yourself up because you know everybody and you're comparing constantly. You know, my colleagues are already finished my training. I, I talk a lot to trainees as well because I can see how many, how many of them are struggling because this is really hard. You know, they're in a training for a long time. They work long hours, have issues at home and they always compare them themselves with others. You know, my colleagues at this stage, they already consultants and you know, I can't pass this exam is, is no. And, and if you don't pass the exam, there is no. It's not really that. You know, what else can you do in our profession? You, you've got to, if you want to be specialist, you've got to pass the exam. Otherwise it's, you know, very hard to stay in the same even specialty without actually, you know, having those exams passed. So you know, the training, the doctors who are just, you know, sometimes they are at any ages, any age and state of Korea, you can encounter that kind of difficulties. Usually it is combined work with something going on at home in your private life, love life, romantic relationship that triggers that kind of point of feeling that I'm almost breaking. Of course this is different to depression and you know, I'm not dealing with Any kind of psychological illnesses. I'm not a psychologist. I need to disclose that I'm not a psychologist or mental health specialist psychiatrist. I don't do any kind of treatment. This is coaching. Coaching is different. And I how I help my clients. That is I give them the. I share the routines that I do that saved my life and manage and. And that. That helped me to get from that dark room outside and see the doors and see the light and see the sunshine. You know, there is. There is world out there and it's beautiful and it's so full of potential and opportunities. Let's see that and then achieve the clarity. Because often we so focus on our troubles and problems that we don't even know what we actually want. You know what what. So I help them to. To clarify that. What. What do you want? Like forget all the like if no money problem, no you know, trainings, rules. What would you love your life to be without any kind of you know, if you could just magically have a magic wand and just change it. How would you like it to be? And I let them go wild. Like what really would like to do? Would you like to be a doctor or would you like to perhaps not. You know, perhaps you change to something different and then they. They just go wild and. And they. Their faces lit up and they started seeing these opportunities creations they can. The potentials there. And then we obviously is. Is not enough because then you have to. The. The main component the pepper and salt is that you have to actually take little actions to your goals, to your dreams for this to happen. But the main thing is that you need to constantly reconnect and focus on that vision rather than. And we of you know, fell off the wagon and then we come back and we you know, keep going and the coach is helping with that just holding your heart, you know, helping you being. Being accountable to yourself and you know keeping that kind of. It's like a sharing you know from the like athletes get sharing from their coach. Right. They. Well it's slightly different because coach in at least just tell them exactly what to do. The. The coach in this kind of life coach space is mostly just getting that your essence the experiences that you want to. You know, the clarity, the. The potential out and believing in yourself and believing you can achieve it.

And.

You know helping you come up with results.

I've got a coach, I've always had a coach and well, at least for the last 24 years. And it's just. It's. It's some. It's like A cheerleader on your side, but also someone's going to kick your butt, right, and, and make you see things that you may not be able to see. And when you're in, in a situation and allowing circumstances happen to you rather than, you know, realizing that circumstances happen and you can have a choice, it's the coach's role really to, to give you that clarity of where your current reality is and hold the vision of what you want to create and give you techniques to get there.

So.

You know, the thing that I love about your story, Ursula, is that when we think of doctors and medical professionals, you know, their essence is about caring and looking after others. And you know, you hear about doctors, you know, especially new trainees, you know, doing 20 hour shifts without sleep and all of these things, we kind of just accept it. And then we've got the fact that, you know, you've got these people whose orientation is looking after others and being supported, who are going through this overwhelm, exhaustion, chaos and going through, but who's going to look after me. So I just, I love the fact that not only vulnerably, you've shared your story and said, you know, this is where you were and here were the awareness points that allowed you to orientate differently, but you're supporting doctors in doing that. So I'm, I'm very grateful as a member of the public that you're looking after our doctors so that they can look after us. And, and I really commend you for, you know, your, your work that you do now. So thank you.

Thank you. That's very kind. Yeah. For me, I just wanted to say that for me, that drive was when I realized how much my life changed. I realized that I was the problem, that I not the problem, but I was the cause of the chaos. Okay. Of course, with the circumstances, but mainly I was the cause and I took the ownership of it. Then I gained power of changing it. And that's such a liberating, you know, state to be and realization. And because as a byproduct of that, I become, I believe, much better intuitive parent. I mean, you know, one, one of my teenage daughters told me, you know, Mom, I, I, you become a different person. You, you become so much, you become excellent parent. And you've changed so much since you started doing this coaching stuff. And, and that was compliment that I could ever imagine. I was just so happy when I've had that. And then re. Even yesterday we had a little conversation about my generation and the parents and how they twisted and how they, you know, I never done any parenting courses or learn how to parent. We, we don't learn. Like, unfortunately, nobody teaches us at school. We learn from experience. But she goes to me, she says to me, you know, you realize that you were the problem and you've changed. And she, she was right. Because my family become like a peaceful oasis that I always wanted to create, but I didn't know how. And now, because I wanted, I wanted them to, to, okay, you go out and there would be problems, there would be difficulties, there would be, you know, people bullying you maybe, and. But you have that home where you can come and like, you open the door and you just go, you know, I'm home. And I, I always have this sense like, you know, sticks, scenty sticks. So I want them to, to have that when they open the door. That smell of kind of calm and, you know, home tranquility. Yeah, that. Okay, I'm home. I can now, you know, have relax. And I know I'm loved. I know I, I am safe.

Yeah. What a beautiful environment you've created for your family. Now I can't let you go without a little. So every guest, I asked them to share something that people don't know about them. And, and it was funny, we had a bit of a chat about this beforehand and you are like a, you know, forefront of digital technology and AI in, in your profession, and it wasn't always the case. So I'd love for you to share, you know, something that people don't really know about you.

But in terms of AI and digital.

I know that you grew up in a village probably without technology.

Oh, yes. Well, just to, just to just clarify, I am enthusiast, but it's been a long journey because Australia somehow is slightly behind with Europe. So I'm not up front, you know, at the front, but I'm putting my hand up and I'm volunteering to be a pioneer, but I'm not one of the pioneers because that's been done years ago somewhere else. So that's one thing. But yeah, it's funny because.

Always very humble.

No, no, that's the truth. That's the truth. I'm not a pioneer here because, you know, I didn't have an opportunity. But I love it and I'm just making everything that, that we actually embrace it in, in Australia here in my, at least in my workplace. But yeah, when I was a child, I grew up in a very little VI in the middle of nowhere in South Poland, in the hills and by the lake. My parents were teachers and that was headmaster. And at those times that would reveal my age. But particularly in Poland, we lived in a communistic regime. So we had a telly that had only two channels and the second channel never actually worked because the reception was so bad. So as a child I had one program a day and that was 50, 10 minutes. 10 minutes. It was called Dobra, not ska, which means like good, good night. You know, it was cartoons. So we were waiting for it and then was a two hours program on a Sunday at 9 o' clock. And that was it for the children, you know, that was it media.

So what did you do with your time?

So you had to do something. And that made us to be really creative because I lived in a like, like a apartment blocks with other teachers, with other kids. So we had like tons of kids, you know, outside the block, very close to school. So we were just creating so many fun games. And I remember particularly fondly the winter, which was usually quite heavy, lots of snow. So we obviously, you know, took the sleighs and slide down straight to the road. The parents didn't know, obviously the road wasn't very busy because not many people have cars, but there were horses sometimes, you know, crossing by whatever or the, the snow was so high up and like it was meters and meters of snow that we would just jump straight in, like buried ourselves and pretend there was a avalanche. And you know, we are, we can't get out and all the rescue and everything. And I remember genius idea when I went and started making like footsteps on snow and pretending and scaring younger children than me that the yeti is yeti footsteps.

Nice.

And all sorts of, all sorts of, you know, wonderful things that we played. Creativity was amazing, you know, and, and that's, that's, that's not, you know, I don't want to go this bubble my times we had a stick to play.

With but, but we did well, there you go. Something we didn't know. Playing, playing in avalanche situations and creating YETI footsteps. Well, I have to say thank you very much, Ashley. Dr. Ursula Carr, who's joined us today and shared with us her, her journey from chaos to calm and how she's supporting doctors and medical professionals and people facing overwhelm and exhaustion in understanding their own journey and the way out. So I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so very much, Ursula. And if you would like to contact Ursula, do her live scan quiz which actually gives you an indication of where maybe you're out of whack in life. Please head to WW www.exitthematrix.IO S for short, forward/ Dr. Carr, D R, C A double R. And Ursula, I might, you know, get a little bonus recording here so you can share some of your tips that help us orientate during the day from chaos to calm. After this, that bonus will be also on the exitthematrix IO webcast. Please, you know, go and subscribe. Let's hack the algorithm, head over to Apple, leave review for us and share this. Because sharing is caring. And you know, at Exit the Matrix, we're all here about, you know, celebrating those sliding door moments, the moments where people exit the matrix and choose a life that is different to the one that they were experiencing. So thank you very much, Dr. Ursula Carr, for sharing that with us today. I am so grateful for you and what you do. And as always, here is to your success. Bye for now. Now.

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